Emma's Holy Answers

[Emma Bontrager]

I know I haven't been on a lot...too much gardening to do and helping my neighbors learn to be holy. However, I have decided to take time out of my busy, busy schedule to lead you people into the ways of holiness. That is why I have started this thread, which I am sure will last for a long time. I know you will greatly appreciate my taking my time to do this. (I am sure I will get so many questions, I may have to interview for some help to answer them, if there is anyone here holy enough to actually help me out, which I doubt, so I will probably have to do it all myself). At any rate, I will take it step by martyred step, painfully and woefully taking gobs of my precious time (or 15 minutes whichever comes first) to help you poor misled people out. Who will be first?

[Ron]

Dear Emma, is the Internet bad? What about Forums like this one?

I thought that Amish weren't allowed stuff such as this?

Oh, and where do you get the Electricity to run the Computers?

Signed,

Bewildered in B.C.:hmmm

[Hoovie]

Emma, I hope yer generator is in good shape. you will need alot of power to run this thread. Better send Amos to town with the team for to get some gas.


PS You are welcome in my barn any time.

[Emma Bontrager]

Dear Emma, is the Internet bad? What about Forums like this one?

I thought that Amish weren't allowed stuff such as this?

Oh, and where do you get the Electricity to run the Computers?

Signed,

Bewildered in B.C.:hmmm

Hello Ron,

The internet is very evil. Forums are okay as long as you only get them in email format. I use my neighbors computer and electricity, so it doesn't count. Are you finding fault with me? It's that old hobgoblin of consistency that you are trying to pigeonhole me with. Well, it won't work for somebody who thinks half naked women on internet is okay but half naked women on TV is wrong!

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma, I hope yer generator is in good shape. you will need alot of power to run this thread. Better send Amos to town with the team for to get some gas.


PS You are welcome in my barn any time.

You know I use my neighbors computer just like the Amish use their neighbors phone and rent car drivers. So, it doesn't count!

I wouldn't go into a barn owned by an Electric Amish person! :rockband:preach:preach

[Trouvere]

Emma he's too newfangled for you.Stick to your convictions girl!
Besides what nice Holy Ghost man would invite you out to his barn.
Think about it girl.Next thing you know he will be asking you to bake
him like six peach pies or something.

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma he's too newfangled for you.Stick to your convictions girl!
Besides what nice Holy Ghost man would invite you out to his barn.
Think about it girl.Next thing you know he will be asking you to bake
him like six peach pies or something.

You know it Trouvere. Anybody who puts Electric and Amish in the same sentence will burn on the Lake O' Fire!

This very holy Amish woman is up way past her bedtime. I will be making breakfast very early tomorrow, but I will find some time to answer your questions tomorrow. I know you will be in line waiting. Please be patient and I will get to you as soon as I can. Take a number please.

[Trouvere]

Amen Emma I will be up early as well.As soon as the garden is tilled and all the cows milked walk over to the neighbors and borrow their computer
and drop me a line but only if the eggs are picked and the bisquits made.
I would not want to say I helped you become a slacker.You know what the
bible says about the sloth.

[Sister Alvear]

Know you must arise at sun up or before to get that cow milked but I heard your new neighbor has a computer so try to make friends as soon as possible...You might need to write us and telling us about those horses and buggies up your way...

[Sister Alvear]

glad to see you back...know that way of life keeps you busy and looking for a computer you can use in the barn somewhere is quite tiring... but girl you keep it up we sure like that amish food...

[Hoovie]

Too many women on this thread and too few pies.

Nough said.

[Ron]

Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

[Hoovie]

Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

Consider the vain ribbon around your neck. This speaks to the darkness in your heart - which is PRIDE.

[Ron]

Consider the vain ribbon around your neck. This speaks to the darkness in your heart - which is PRIDE.


I wear ribbons??

Oh, that is just my ring around the collar-pay no attention.

[Emma Bontrager]

Amen Emma I will be up early as well.As soon as the garden is tilled and all the cows milked walk over to the neighbors and borrow their computer
and drop me a line but only if the eggs are picked and the bisquits made.
I would not want to say I helped you become a slacker.You know what the
bible says about the sloth.

Eggs aren't "picked". Sheesh. Beans are!

[Emma Bontrager]

glad to see you back...know that way of life keeps you busy and looking for a computer you can use in the barn somewhere is quite tiring... but girl you keep it up we sure like that amish food...

Yes, it's very hard on me to try and keep up with you English and try and help you know the true path to God. It's exhausting but must be done! It's been so long since I wrote about trinitarian pretzels, half the board probably doesn't know how evil they are! I must remember to post a reminder.

[Emma Bontrager]

Too many women on this thread and too few pies.

Nough said.

If things were right in the world, I would not even be on here. Alas, I wish I could be in the kitchen making pies. All I want to do is have babies and make MORE pies.

[Emma Bontrager]

Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

No. Consider the advice of our ex-plain, gone English brother.......who should be in the MEIDUNG!

[Emma Bontrager]

I wear ribbons??

Oh, that is just my ring around the collar-pay no attention.

This is ridiculous. You wear that thing around your neck that screams "LOOK AT ME" and then say "Pay no attention!" This does speak of utter foolishness.

[Emma Bontrager]

Okay, all of you who have been patiently waiting to ask me questions, I am here waiting to help you out of your spiritual darkness.

[Timmy]

Dear Emma,

How do you remain humble, when you are the holiest one on the entire forum? I am in awe.

Your humble, unholy admirer,

Timmy

[Emma Bontrager]

Dear Emma,

How do you remain humble, when you are the holiest one on the entire forum? I am in awe.

Your humble, unholy admirer,

Timmy

Thank you, Timmy, for recognizing truth when you see it. You too, can be humble just like me. And you should WANT to be. Everyone on this forum should want to be just like me and give up their ridiculous notions that fancy is somehow better. For example, the English on this list (that call themselves Apostolic) think they are something when they keep their kids out of secular college and get them to attend Bible school. What they don't realize is that we Amish only send our kids to school through 8th grade which makes us holier than anybody! All the Apostolic English are doing is comparing themselves amongst themselves and thinking they are wise.

So, Timmy, are you ready to give up your worldly ways?

[Timmy]

So, Timmy, are you ready to give up your worldly ways?

Alas, I am unworthy of the honor of giving up my worldly ways.

[Emma Bontrager]

Alas, I am unworthy of the honor of giving up my worldly ways.

Is that some sort of excuse? Just how holy are you anyway? And don't give me this "My wife doesn't cut her hair and wears dresses" stuff.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

[Timmy]

Is that some sort of excuse? Just how holy are you anyway? And don't give me this "My wife doesn't cut her hair and wears dresses" stuff.

Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

Let me know who is lurking after logging off and I will think about it.

[Emma Bontrager]

Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

Hmm. I must go for the time being. I will ponder this mystery and get back with you.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Let me know who is lurking after logging off and I will think about it.

Look at the Guests on the front page.

Hundreds every day who cannot get enough..... :drseuss

[Emma Bontrager]

Look at the Guests on the front page.

Hundreds every day who cannot get enough..... :drseuss

Ah yes, sorry for being a bit slow on that one. I, even I, have my moments.

Well, for the women, I would say start preaching against birth control and they will be way too busy to post too much.

For the men, I would day make them farm and they will be up with the birds and in the fields and barn all the time and killing themselves trying to make ends meet.

As for getting BOOMM to stop posting on this forum, I don't know the answer to that. :D

[Emma Bontrager]

Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

Timmy, I am back, the wise one here to answer your question, fortunately for you. You need to wing those two computers out the door and use your neighbors. It's holier to be a mooch than actually admit you like computers. It's kind of like Apostolics with TV's in hotels. You get it. ;)

As far as the well and septic, yes that counts for something. But you should have a gasoline powered pump. Unless you have a generator. The idea is to be SEPARATED from the worldly systems. Something Apostolics act like they know something about but the only thing they do is make their women wear dresses and stop cutting their hair. They aren't really separated at all.

[Trouvere]

Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

Gee brother thanks for the encouragement.:club

[Rhoni]

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?p=133428#post133428)
Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get Rhoni to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm


:(

[Timmy]

Timmy, I am back, the wise one here to answer your question, fortunately for you. You need to wing those two computers out the door and use your neighbors. It's holier to be a mooch than actually admit you like computers. It's kind of like Apostolics with TV's in hotels. You get it. ;)

As far as the well and septic, yes that counts for something. But you should have a gasoline powered pump. Unless you have a generator. The idea is to be SEPARATED from the worldly systems. Something Apostolics act like they know something about but the only thing they do is make their women wear dresses and stop cutting their hair. They aren't really separated at all.

Thank you, Emma. Your wisdom is a breath of fresh air.

[Emma Bontrager]

:(

I was ticked too, but BOOMM is using one of those YOU tricks where it says YOUR name, whoever you are!:club

[Emma Bontrager]

Thank you, Emma. Your wisdom is a breath of fresh air.

If you have any more questions I will be happy to help you out. I'm pretty impressive once I forget about dinner and eggs and moon pies and get going. :sing

[Rhoni]

I was ticked too, but BOOMM is using one of those YOU tricks where it says YOUR name, whoever you are!:club

Oh yeah..I forgot:bubble

Thanks Emma!:highfive

[Emma Bontrager]

Oh yeah..I forgot:bubble

Thanks Emma!:highfive

He ought to be drug out into the street and run over with a full hay wagon.

[Emma Bontrager]

Whoa! I just had an epiphany!! This is a prophecy direct from heaven!! I would that [you] would repent and give up all worldly things! Give your heart to the Lord and be ye separate!! Follow the ways of Emma and the Amish and you will find rest for your soul [you]!!!!! :grampa:grampa

[Trouvere]

Emma I would love to run away to Amish country but who would take care of my fifteen kids?:haloplug

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma I would love to run away to Amish country but who would take care of my fifteen kids?:haloplug

Ach! Kids are no sweat here. Actually, you'd need them to help run the farm. ;) So, when are you coming?

[Nahum]

Hey Emma!


You're looking very plain!

What beauty tips can you offer the women of AFF?

Some of 'em really need all the help they can get.

[Emma Bontrager]

Hey Emma!


You're looking very plain!

What beauty tips can you offer the women of AFF?

Some of 'em really need all the help they can get.

Of course I do! Might I point out that you are very smart to ask. ;)

First of all, stop wasting time with shavers, eyebrow pluckers, eyelash curlers, hair curlers, face cream, perfume and all that nonsense. Get rid of your ribbons, bows, gold buttons, fancy patterns and such. Learn to rely wholly on God for your beauty! Get out in the sun and outdoors!! Pull weeds and plant seeds!! Forget the exercise machines and clubs! Just get up at 5AM and work until late. Who needs to pay for that?? Don't waste your time or your money anymore. Get exercise by work and tan by sun. Don't show anymore beauty than that to anyone but your husband.

There you have it....plain and simple. ;)

[Digging4Truth]

Hello Ron,

The internet is very evil. Forums are okay as long as you only get them in email format. I use my neighbors computer and electricity, so it doesn't count. Are you finding fault with me? It's that old hobgoblin of consistency that you are trying to pigeonhole me with. Well, it won't work for somebody who thinks half naked women on internet is okay but half naked women on TV is wrong!

Oh Emma... this is a slippery slope. :)

[philjones]

Oh Emma... this is a slippery slope. :)

Don't worry about her, D4T... she and "her kind" have been sliding down this slope for years and seem no worse for the wear! Their holiness is contrived anyway... I have spoken to some who have walked away and OH the STORIES they told!

[you] walks away shaking their head slowly and sadly!

[revrandy]

I can't find anything "Holy" about the Amish??

What's up wit' Dat??

[Bryan]

Oh Emma... this is a slippery slope. :)

she's going charismatic..

[Emma Bontrager]

Oh Emma... this is a slippery slope. :)

Take the mote out of your own eye, friend. When you start driving a horse and buggy, come and see me. :haloplug

[Emma Bontrager]

Don't worry about her, D4T... she and "her kind" have been sliding down this slope for years and seem no worse for the wear! Their holiness is contrived anyway... I have spoken to some who have walked away and OH the STORIES they told!

[you] walks away shaking their head slowly and sadly!

Yeah. Years ago, you Apostolic people didn't listen to the radio either. :club

[Emma Bontrager]

she's going charismatic..

If I was going to be going anything it would be "going fancy" or "going English" which I am neither, thank you very much!

[BrotherEastman]

Okay, I just read this thread in its entirety. LOL! Emma, are you for real?

[BrotherEastman]

BTW, Eastman is a good English name, wouldn't you say?

[Trouvere]

East Man.....A Man from the East.
Emma girl stay away from him.
Surely this is a tea leaf reader or even worse
he may need to be tied to the stake......humm.....
Maybe he even drives a RED car.Run gurl run.
Hide in the barn.

[BrotherEastman]

East Man.....A Man from the East.
Emma girl stay away from him.
Surely this is a tea leaf reader or even worse
he may need to be tied to the stake......humm.....
Maybe he even drives a RED car.Run gurl run.
Hide in the barn.
How'd you find out 'bout that?:club:bubble

[Emma Bontrager]

Okay, I just read this thread in its entirety. LOL! Emma, are you for real?

How could I type on a keyboard if I wasn't for real?? Huh????Huh?????

[Emma Bontrager]

BTW, Eastman is a good English name, wouldn't you say?

English name for an English man. Fitting. ;)

[Emma Bontrager]

East Man.....A Man from the East.
Emma girl stay away from him.
Surely this is a tea leaf reader or even worse
he may need to be tied to the stake......humm.....
Maybe he even drives a RED car.Run gurl run.
Hide in the barn.

I can see from his picture he is not holy at all. I take your warning and thank you for it. :D

[Hoovie]

Emma, you should be at the meeting house!

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma, you should be at the meeting house!

It's my off Sunday! Of Course! And what about you?? What are you doing home?

[Hoovie]

It's my off Sunday! Of Course! And what about you?? What are you doing home?

The English people can go to church in the evening.

[Emma Bontrager]

The English people can go to church in the evening.

Figures. Out after God's light is gone.

[Trouvere]

Something has to be shifty about a man who smiles all the time.

[Hoovie]

Something has to be shifty about a man who smiles all the time.

?????????

[BrotherEastman]

How could I type on a keyboard if I wasn't for real?? Huh????Huh?????
Because you signature says your fictitious, and that you really are someone else........say like ILG! Got another question for ya, how can you be Apostolic Amish? Does this mean you were baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost?

[Hoovie]

Because you signature says your fictitious, and that you really are someone else........say like ILG! Got another question for ya, how can you be Apostolic Amish? Does this mean you were baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost?

I know some such.

[BrotherEastman]

Figures. Out after God's light is gone.
Do you wake up before the sunrise to milk the cow? LOL!

[Emma Bontrager]

Because you signature says your fictitious, and that you really are someone else........say like ILG! Got another question for ya, how can you be Apostolic Amish? Does this mean you were baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost?

My. I missed this most important post. I am not sure how I did that. It must have been providence as you must have not been ready to recieve my answer. However, here it is. Yes, I am an Acts 2:38 Amish woman. We completely believe in the Old Order Ordnung but we also believe Acts 2:38 like the Apostolics. This makes it most convenient for me to be as holy as possible, which is definately holier than you. Otherwise you would blow me off as not being as holy because of the doctrinal difference. As it is, I am much, much holier than you. Thank you for asking. Feel free to ask any other questions that may interest you or make you feel like you are unrighteous.

[Emma Bontrager]

I know some such.

Please PM me with details. Thank you.

[Emma Bontrager]

Do you wake up before the sunrise to milk the cow? LOL!

We most certainly do.

[Trouvere]

What I really want to know Emma is which brand of tight thick cotton
hose are the best for hiding the hair that is bunched up under them?:13loads

[Emma Bontrager]

What I really want to know Emma is which brand of tight thick cotton
hose are the best for hiding the hair that is bunched up under them?:13loads

Hand knit.

[Trouvere]

Hand knit.

What pattern would you suggest?

[Emma Bontrager]

What pattern would you suggest?

Well, what you really need to do is make sure they are black stockings, no matter what else you do. But if you want something seriously thick and hand-knit, I would suggest these in black (NOT silk):

http://www.dabbler.com/ndlwrk/stocking.html

[Dora]

Ok! Now THIS ought to be FUN! Whoo Hoo! Thank you for this thread Sister Emma!

[Trouvere]

Hey Emma what kind of shoes would we need to buy to wear those thick hose?

[Emma Bontrager]

Ok! Now THIS ought to be FUN! Whoo Hoo! Thank you for this thread Sister Emma!

Why thank you, Dora. I knew this would be a great thread because I started it. I am glad you have recognized that fact. ;) But I certainly do not intend for it to be FUN!! :praying:preach:grampa

[Emma Bontrager]

Hey Emma what kind of shoes would we need to buy to wear those thick hose?

Well, they have to be black. And you have to be careful because sneakers can look too sporty. They have to have laces. Hope that helps. Make sure they are plain.

[Emma Bontrager]

I wrote this most excellent post in another thread yesterday and I wanted it to be preserved in my most holy answers thread. I am so good at writing these things up that I wanted everyone who reads my great answers to have a chance to see it.

Well, if they hurt your feelings or you think the ordnung is stupid, you better keep your mouth shut. The bishop has the right to hurt your feelings. For example, if you can't afford the material for a longer skirt for your girls and the hemline is slightly short and he calls you on it, it doesn't matter if you are too poor. It is your own stupid fault. It's your husband's responsibility to make enough money and your responsibility to get it sewn. He could look at you snidely and say "Your skirts are too short. You need to spend some time making new dresses", implying you are lazy and make you feel like a terrible heel and if you told him you had no money for new material, it would simply be no excuse and too awful bad. Even your own preachers here know that. When folks whine about being hurt in church conflicts it's their own stupid fault. They will tell you glowing stories about how THEY were hurt and just went forward and didn't get offended at all. That's because they know what holiness really is. No money is no excuse and nothing is an excuse for saying anything bad about God's anointed even if they falsely accuse you of everything under the sun. There is never excuse for you. That's what true holiness is.

[Emma Bontrager]

Well, ILG told me that people were looking for me on Steve Epley's "I'm Back" thread. I figured that everyone really missed me. It's hard to go too long without some real conservative input that helps you keep balance in your life. As liberal as you all are, you are pretty imbalanced. That is obvious.

It is summer and I am really busy. We live according to the seasons here and the gardening is taking up a great deal of my time. I have been canning green beans and peas and putting up zucchini and summer squash mostly. But there is so much to do. We just got done making so much strawberry jam.

Anyway, I am here to help you out of your liberal mindsets, just write me and let me know. God's work is important work. Jesus stayed behind being about His "Father's Business" and I wouldn't want to let you down. So, here I am, here to balance out your life. :D:drama

[Glenda B]

Emma. did you go outside your community for your education. The language you speak, is most definately different from all other Amish that I have known?

Or did you come into the community after you completed your education and find favor with one of the young Amish Gentlemen and conform to their ways and get married?

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma. did you go outside your community for your education. The language you speak, is most definately different from all other Amish that I have known?

Or did you come into the community after you completed your education and find favor with one of the young Amish Gentlemen and conform to their ways and get married?

I wasn't raised Amish. I just knew that this was the most holy way to go. When my husband saw that he would get home-cooked meals all the time, he thought it was a good idea too. Actually I am a terribly confused person, trying to fit in. But I never tell anybody that because then they wouldn't want to be holy like me. :)

Really I am just a just ficticious person having fun. :D

[Glenda B]

There is no plan of salvation in the Amish Community Church, is there? If not, how can you claim to be Holy, you're just good. I don't even think they pray, am I correct?

[Barb]

There is no plan of salvation in the Amish Community Church, is there? If not, how can you claim to be Holy, you're just good. I don't even think they pray, am I correct?

Dost thou believe that Emma is a real person?! :winkgrin

[Glenda B]

It's all a FARCE sister, If she were real I would not have said she wasn't Holy either, that's not my call to make, but I have read lots of things about Amish people. It would be really neat to know one personally. Of course one would not be allowed to use this evil one eyed monster. LOL

[Timmy]

Hey, Emma, here's a question for you:

What are you gonna do about my thread tying your thread in number of views, hmm? Both are at 1,529. ;)

[Timmy]

Hey, Emma, here's a question for you:

What are you gonna do about my thread tying your thread in number of views, hmm? Both are at 1,529. ;)

Now you pulled ahead, 1,553 to 1,529! How did you do that? :lol

[*AQuietPlace*]

Now you pulled ahead, 1,553 to 1,529! How did you do that? :lol
You bumped it and we're all looking at it.

Maybe you need to bump yours, too.

[Timmy]

You bumped it and we're all looking at it.

Maybe you need to bump yours, too.

No, that's not it. Emma .... did something!

:ursofunny

[Emma Bontrager]

Hey, Emma, here's a question for you:

What are you gonna do about my thread tying your thread in number of views, hmm? Both are at 1,529. ;)

Why hello, Timotheous. Imagine my shock and surprise that when I read todays postings, there was my name "EMMA" right there on the first page. I have not posted in a long time as I am very busy, but, not too busy to say hello to my friends and loyal fans, of which, I know you are one.

Now, I must say, Timotheous that competition is not becoming. It is certainly not a good nor godly thing to be thinking when it comes to spiritual threads such as these but I am glad that you brought the subject up so my horse can continue to outrun yours, so to speak. Emma's Holy Answers must certainly be more spiritual and holy than anything that could be thought up by certain which shall not be named and not to be taken in any offense whatsoever, but I speak the truth in love, of course, for the benefit of all who read.

I am certain that there are some, who, seeing the light, will certainly give up the worldly things like cars and watches and suchlike. Would that there were two of me, to sacrifice my time on the saving of souls and not just the rearing of fleshly children.

[Emma Bontrager]

Now you pulled ahead, 1,553 to 1,529! How did you do that? :lol

I prayed about it and it just happened. :) It must be my prayers.

[Timmy]

Emma, it's so good to see you again, and you are correct as always! :thumbsup

[Emma Bontrager]

Emma, it's so good to see you again, and you are correct as always! :thumbsup

It's good to see you too, Timothy. And, I certainly am.

Humbly yours,
Emma

[Emma Bontrager]

I would like to add that it is hard for me to understand why certain people are saying AFF has become more worldly. More worldly than what, I may ask? I think it is bizarre that people think they are more holy than others when both drive cars, both have electricity and so much is no different from the other. Separate yourselves in truth! THEN, you can say AFF is worldly. To me, there is no difference between the wedding ring wearing and the necklace wearing. They are ALL jewelry. No difference between the cut hair and uncut hair with no covering....neither is covered. No difference between the red wearer and the make-up wearer. Save yourselves from this untoward generation. (I have no idea what untoward means, but it's Bible!!)

[Timmy]

Hey, guess what! We had a three-hour power failure a few weeks ago. We were that much holier, at least for a while! Thought you'd be pleased to hear that, Emma. :)