Dear Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Disclaimer:
This is just so that the members of AFF know and understand something...this thread, Dear Rhoni, is a thread for entertainment only! This thread is not a ministry thread nor have I been asked, nor have I agreed to be the AFF Counselor.

If one chooses to post a question here or PM, E-mail, or contact me by phone wanting to remain anonymous, that will be done as much as is possible...knowing this is a public forum and read by many...not just those who claim to be members. So, post at your own risk, and know that much of what has been posted as question and answer is changed to protect others.

Blessings, Rhoni



I received a letter which got me to thinking about this...I know this won't fly unless it is accepted so...it is up to all of you:


Dear Rhoni,

I am a male, preacher in my 40's and I am single. I have no problem with this, but my friends and peers do. Everyone is trying to fix me up but I am content single. Do you think something is wrong with me?

Happily Single

__________________________________________________ _______________


Dear Happily Single,

Nothing is wrong with you. Many people, both men and women, are happy single. Actually, Paul stated in his writings in the New Testament that it was better to remain as he was, single, so that he could serve God without other distractions.

If this is how you truly feel about being single then I suggest that you not date. If you date anyone other than a personal friend for functions that you need a companion for you are not being fair to the other person who might have hopes of the possibility of marriage to you.

As I have stated, nothing is wrong with being single. You are not the only one content in this way. Kindly tell your friends who try to fix you up what you have stated to me...you are happlily single. Thank-you, but no thank-you.

Rhoni


__________________________________________________ _______________

[Rhoni]

Digging4Truth Posted: Feb 2 2007, 05:55 PM



Paul would agree.

Blubayou Posted: Feb 2 2007, 06:24 PM


You go Rhoni!!! I think this is a great idea. Our own Dear Abby. I am dating myself



From the other forum...

[Rhoni]

When I was in Middle School. I helped in our High School newspaper and ran a column called...Dear Shod [after a friend who had that nickname]. It was a sucess in High School but here it might not go over too well but it could be fun...keep me thinking like a counselor.

My job at this point is against my value system of sorts. I am assessing people for psychosis and suicidal and homicidal ideation or intent and then making a decision to transfer to s PSych hosptial. This is just covering up the problems and medicating.

I am a firm believer in preventative measures of counseling and trying to resolve issues without medication.

So, the reason for this thread is self-serving somewhat. I need to keep my mind sharp and practice Christian counseling.

Blessings, Rhoni

Carry over...

[ManOfWord]

Dr. Rhoni is IN the house!!!

I always appreciate your comments which I'm sure are very helpful to many!!! You KEEP goin' girl!

[Trouvere]

I like the one started about Apostolic Women in the Workplace.I work in an enviroment that is mostly male.I fend off all the hits.Its easier to laugh them off than get offended.I just look at it as worldly men doing what their sin nature dictates.People though without Jesus really are looking for something
special and sometimes they think its the person instead of Jesus.
Sister Rhoni I would like to read some real life scenarios.Sometimes apostolic women
working outside the workplace end up abandoning home and Jesus.Its a sad subject.

[Rhoni]

I like the one started about Apostolic Women in the Workplace.I work in an enviroment that is mostly male.I fend off all the hits.Its easier to laugh them off than get offended.I just look at it as worldly men doing what their sin nature dictates.People though without Jesus really are looking for something
special and sometimes they think its the person instead of Jesus.
Sister Rhoni I would like to read some real life scenarios.Sometimes apostolic women
working outside the workplace end up abandoning home and Jesus.Its a sad subject.

QUOTE (Rhoni @ Feb 6 2007, 08:22 AM)
QUOTE
Dear Rhoni,

Valentine's Day is coming up and I was just curious as to whether it is proper to send valentine's to co-workers? I think it is fun, but others think it is childish. What do you think?

Sweetness



Thank-you to those who are PM'ing and EM'ing questions. This is good!


Dear Sweetness,

It would depend on the environment you work in. It would not be appropriate for a more formal professional environment, but if it is laid back and others enjoy doing things of this nature it would be good.

Some of the barriers to doing this:

1). If there are gay, bi-sexual, or lesbian co-workers it is very offensive for some to get a Valentine.

2). If the co-workers are married it may be crossing a boundary for them or yourself.

3). Valentines are fun for children who are in the latency stage of development and male or female is not an issue, but when we are older then other things come in to play.

The safest policy would be to only send Valentines to family members and or boyfriends and girlfriends to keep it appropriate.

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,
I was thinking about purity and the single christian adult.There are so many books on the market with this subject title.Its hard being a single adult especially if you have been married before.You were used to sharing everything and suddenly you
find yourself with no one to share with.I remained five years single before marrying.It was so important to guard my thought life.I never felt like I needed
a person to make me complete like I hear so many people saying.I filled up
my life with church,family and friends.To me dating was never important except for
functions that made you feel even more singled out.Since Valentines is coming up some do not realize that just the light jesting about it can be an ache for a single
persons heart.Anyway there are issues to deal with and especially for those finding themselves single again.What are some of your suggestions for those dealing with these issues?

[Rhoni]

After rereading your question I have a different interpretation on your meaning. What I understand you to be asking is in relationship to the intimacy issues after the ending of a marriage. This brings up many things that are the same, and many things that are different:

After a marriage has ended and you no longer have the continued physical relationship with a spouse...it is difficult to deal with the loss of intimacy. The things that stay the same; the commandments of God to abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage. We have to go back to what we know about abstaining from sexual immorality when we were teenagers, or before marriage.

Many of our schools teach about reclaiming your virginity by starting fresh at this point and not having sexual relationships outside the marriage bed. For those reclaiming their purity, there has to be much prayer and much self-restraint. One has to keep oneself from being alone with a date/member of the opposite sex so as not to be put in a vulnerable situation.

The thing that is different after marriage is; now you know what you are missing and your body craves this, much more self denial and restraint has to happen. Can it be done? Absolutely. Remember, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost and it is a gift to God and to your future spouse. Regardless of your sexual past, you can obtain forgiveness and restoration. The restoration takes place in your heart and mind.


A good thing to do is immerse yourself in the work of God, practice the spiritual disciplines, and maintain a professional distance from putting yourself in a compromising situations. Remember, God is our refuge and strength and it is His will for you to keep your commitment to Him, to yourself, and to your future spouse.

In God's Grip, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I like the one started about Apostolic Women in the Workplace.I work in an enviroment that is mostly male.I fend off all the hits.Its easier to laugh them off than get offended.I just look at it as worldly men doing what their sin nature dictates.People though without Jesus really are looking for something
special and sometimes they think its the person instead of Jesus.
Sister Rhoni I would like to read some real life scenarios.Sometimes apostolic women
working outside the workplace end up abandoning home and Jesus.Its a sad subject.

Carpenter;

I want to address the question in the bolded portion of your quote: There are many areas to cover here so I will go with the one that is closest to me:
Apostolic Women in the Workplace

It would be, may be nicer for Apostolic women to work in the home and church, but many times it is of necessity that Apostolic women are forced into the workplace. This is not to say that some don't CHOOSE to work, because many women feel devalued to be "housewives as well as stay at home mothers". But this is another issue.

Those Apostolic Women who work should know this:
*many of us are sheltered, naive if you would.
*many of us are perceived to be naive, not worldly wise, not knowing the score
*many of us have limited experience working outside the home or church
*many of us don't realize how beautiful worldly men think we are; with our uncut hair, absence of make-up, wearing feminine dresses and skirts, and wearing fancy hairdoes, and sweet smelling perfume be become an obession to many
*many men know how to make a woman feel admired and valued when they don't feel this way in their home from their Apostolic men/husbands
*many Apostolic women are vulnerable/easy targets for men who would like to teach, experience a truly unspoiled by the world - woman

With this said, Apostolic women in the workplace need to know the score, understand the reactions they will get from worldly men, put up appropriate safeguards & boundaries, and let their Christianity/good not be evil spoken of or taken advantage of.

How does the cultural changes regarding divorce abortion, divorce, and women's lib affect Apostolic women?

50% of American marriages end in divorce, the highest increase of divorce, since 1995 has been in Pentecostal ranks, which includes Apostolics. Because of divorce, Apostolic females are left, undereducated, and ill-equipped to take care of their families when poverty level hits post-divorce, and child support is sporatic if at all, even among the Apostolci men who are taught to be providers for their families.

Abortion happens in the church too thanks to Roe VS. Wade. Family/ministry secrets...trying to save face/save ministries and they go against their own teachings to kill the unborm child to safeguard their reputations.

Women's lib has done a number on male as well as female Apostolics...we don't know our rightful place any more. Men are too passive and do not adequately feel the need to support their wives/families finacially, emotionally, or spiritually. Women have had to take the lead, become more assertive than their personality even allows, and have to become 'liberated' in order to survive and function in this world.

These are some of the issues and problems. Rhoni is at work and has much more to say about this matter and will do so at a more opportune time.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Here is a message I recieved:


Dear Rhoni,

When I was young, I had hopes, dreams, and goals which I had reached and attained by the age of 28. Since that time life and chance has changed my course and I find myself drifting aimlessly, with very little control over what happens to me.

I have had dreams, and goals; I have reached some but the main ones remain out of my grasp. I have watched others in similar positions die, not having attained fulfillment of their dreams. I have seen the despair in their eyes, and all hope lost. I do not want to be a statistic...

What can I do to rekindle hope, desire, and fulfillment once again in my life?

Hopeless

[Rhoni]

Here is a message I recieved:


Dear Hopeless,

One of the first things God did to many that were called, in the Old and New Testament, was to give them a new name. You need to stop thinking of yourself in the 'hopeless' state, and see yourself in the 'Restored' state. Along with a name change you need a direction change. What I noticed was you stated that all YOUR dreams and Goals were fulfilled by the age of 28...hummmmmmm wonder what God's dreams and goals for you were? Are?

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

How about giving God a chance now..I just put my money on God that he had greater and better things for you...and they are yet to come!

Be Blessed,
Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

My friend, who has been backslidden for years has been in an abusive relationship with her spouse for several years and now he is in the church and so is she. Do you think those who have been physically abusive can really change? I worry about her.



Worried for Friend

Can this marriage be saved?

[Rhoni]

Dear Worried,

God is able to do anything. If the person who was the abuser truly gives his heart and life to God, God can work miracles in his/her life. Because past behaviors and sins of the family are easy to pick back up, I think that couples counseling would help them understand the family of origin issues which come to play in this situation, as well as the patterns of communication we have set up for ourselves. These patterns have to be broken. Just like any habit, good or bad, one must establish and practice replacement thoughts and behaviors.

I recommend accountability persons for both, safeguards put into place, and counseling to rebuild trust and relationship.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Sister Alvear]

this is so awesome Rhoni, so many people need your advice...My blessings to you to know the right answers for so many problems in our Pentecostal world...thank you for bringing your gifts to a forum...

[Rhoni]

this is so awesome Rhoni, so many people need your advice...My blessings to you to know the right answers for so many problems in our Pentecostal world...thank you for bringing your gifts to a forum...

Dear Sweet Sister Alvear...thank-you for your vote of confidence...I don't have all the answers...but I know someone who does!:praying

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Falla39]

Dear Sweet Sister Alvear...thank-you for your vote of confidence...I don't have all the answers...but I know someone who does!:praying

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

Sis. Rhoni,

Knowing the "Someone who does" makes all the difference.

Not everyone has that knowledge!!!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

My ex-husband has abused me, stolen from me, and teaches my children disrespect for me. My son is getting married and the pattern is continuing through this wedding and I am being left out of the plans, and my family has been asked not to attend the rehearsal dinner even though they are all coming from out of state, and I am responsible for half of the cost. I should have stood up long before now, but I am about to break under this strain...what can I do now?

Crying in Texas

Dear Crying,

Wipe the tears from your eyes, straighten up your backbone. It is never too late to set healthy and appropriate boundaries for your children to follow. If you are not invited to showers for the bride or groom, don't send a gift. If your family is not invited to the rehearsal dinner even though you are paying 50% of it...don't go and don't pay. Let your son suffer the consequences of his own behaviors. He will never learn otherwise.

If you allow the abuse to continue and don't stand up for yourself then this pattern will be modelled through your grandchildren. Tell your son you love him and show up a the wedding but otherwise do not put your money into it. Since it is all his fahter's relatives int he wedding..let them pay for the rehearsal dinner and you and your family go and enjoy yourselves somewhere else.

No time like the present to stand tall, be firm, and stop the abuse. Love and respect yourself and others will have no choice but to follow suit.

Blessings, Rhoni

P.S. Utilize your support system of Gabby's on AFF and you'll be fine!
__________________

[rgcraig]

Dear Crying,

Wipe the tears from your eyes, straighten up your backbone. It is never too late to set healthy and appropriate boundaries for your children to follow. If you are not invited to showers for the bride or groom, don't send a gift. If your family is not invited to the rehearsal dinner even though you are paying 50% of it...don't go and don't pay. Let your son suffer the consequences of his own behaviors. He will never learn otherwise.

If you allow the abuse to continue and don't stand up for yourself then this pattern will be modelled through your grandchildren. Tell your son you love him and show up a the wedding but otherwise do not put your money into it. Since it is all his fahter's relatives int he wedding..let them pay for the rehearsal dinner and you and your family go and enjoy yourselves somewhere else.

No time like the present to stand tall, be firm, and stop the abuse. Love and respect yourself and others will have no choice but to follow suit.

Blessings, Rhoni

P.S. Utilize your support system of Gabby's on AFF and you'll be fine!
__________________

Lol....are you listening?

[Rhoni]

Lol....are you listening?

It is a bit schizophrenic but yes, I am listening!:heeheehee

Blessings, Rhoni

[Sister Truth Seeker]

Dear Crying,

Wipe the tears from your eyes, straighten up your backbone. It is never too late to set healthy and appropriate boundaries for your children to follow. If you are not invited to showers for the bride or groom, don't send a gift. If your family is not invited to the rehearsal dinner even though you are paying 50% of it...don't go and don't pay. Let your son suffer the consequences of his own behaviors. He will never learn otherwise.

If you allow the abuse to continue and don't stand up for yourself then this pattern will be modelled through your grandchildren. Tell your son you love him and show up a the wedding but otherwise do not put your money into it. Since it is all his fahter's relatives int he wedding..let them pay for the rehearsal dinner and you and your family go and enjoy yourselves somewhere else.

No time like the present to stand tall, be firm, and stop the abuse. Love and respect yourself and others will have no choice but to follow suit.

Blessings, Rhoni

P.S. Utilize your support system of Gabby's on AFF and you'll be fine!
__________________


I was wanting so much to mirror back to you....I know it's so hard to see our own problems and it's so easy for others to give advice...as I told my mom the other day before you judge me "walk a mile in my shoes"...she backed off...

Love you Sis....

[Rhoni]

I was wanting so much to mirror back to you....I know it's so hard to see our own problems and it's so easy for others to give advice...as I told my mom the other day before you judge me "walk a mile in my shoes"...she backed off...

Love you Sis....


Sis. TS,
:ty
You should hear the song that Courtney Ballestero wrote...it is called "DANCE", and your dancing granny reminded me of it. I love and appreciate all you folks are doing to minister to me. Mirroring back to me makes me realize that I know what I know...I just need to follow my head.

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

How is dependence on God different from the issue of co-dependency? Help me to understand?

Wondering in Texas

Taken from another thread...

[Rhoni]

Dear Wondering,

Here are some things that may help you to understand the nature of co-dependency:

Co-Dependency Characteristics:
The primary identifying factor of co-dependency is the fact that the person/individual tends to take care of everyone around them in regards to; feelings, actions, words, everything to the neglect of themselves. The person who is co-dependent is a reactive individual who neglects to take action for him/her self.

The co-dependent person is characterized by having a dysfunctional relationship with others as well as themselves. They tend to live through others instead of for him or herself. Many times they are controlling and will blame others instead of taking responsibility for themselves and live in a state of 'Victimization' while trying to fix others. They generally will exhibit intense anxiety when it comes to intimacy issues.

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self
*Unable to trust your own feelings
*depression
*isolation
*Workaholism
*perfectionism
*no clear boundaries
*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others

__________________________________________________ ________

Co-dependency is quite common in those who come from dysfunctional homes, as well as those who's parents were alcoholics and/or addicts.

To be continued...

[Rhoni]

People with a co-dependent personality are often considered rescuers and are constantly trying to save people from the consequences of their behaviors. This enables the person they are trying to rescue to stay dependent on them for their well-being. They will go to great lengths to do this; giving money, lying for them, and defending them when it would be better to stay out of the middle of this person's problems. The actions/behaviors of the co-dependent person are many times well founded but executed in the wrong way. The co-dependent person needs to learn that the only one who's behaviors they can control are their own. Once the co-dependent person realizes this then they will be able to help the dysfunctional people in their lives start to take responsibility for their own actions.

[Rhoni]

Recovery for a Co-Dependent Person:

The prime objective to recovery in healing is to learn to take care of one's self and not worry about how others are going to get along. The thing that has to happen is that the co-dependent person needs to get in touch with their own feelings and actions and learn to DETACH from involvement in other people's affairs.

Detachment means using energy for yourself insted of using it on others and neglecting yourself. Understanding your own boundaries and making others do the same in regards to you is very important to the healing process of the co-dependent.

Giving your love, energy, emotions and person to a dysfunctional person is draining and can have a long-lasting effect on your life long after the individual is gone. Part of the healing process is to let go of the pain and then learn how to make your life happy again.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

*bump* for Falla

[Chan]

Dear Wondering,

Here are some things that may help you to understand the nature of co-dependency:

Co-Dependency Characteristics:
The primary identifying factor of co-dependency is the fact that the person/individual tends to take care of everyone around them in regards to; feelings, actions, words, everything to the neglect of themselves. The person who is co-dependent is a reactive individual who neglects to take action for him/her self.

The co-dependent person is characterized by having a dysfunctional relationship with others as well as themselves. They tend to live through others instead of for him or herself. Many times they are controlling and will blame others instead of taking responsibility for themselves and live in a state of 'Victimization' while trying to fix others. They generally will exhibit intense anxiety when it comes to intimacy issues.

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self
*Unable to trust your own feelings
*depression
*isolation
*Workaholism
*perfectionism
*no clear boundaries
*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others

__________________________________________________ ________

Co-dependency is quite common in those who come from dysfunctional homes, as well as those who's parents were alcoholics and/or addicts.

To be continued...
At some point, though, living for oneself becomes pride and selfishness or, to use the language of that wicked worldly philosophy of psychology, narcissism.

Now, let's look at this list you presented (my responses are in blue):

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self - the Bible tells us to do exactly this in the last part of Philippians 2:3, "but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

*Unable to trust your own feelings - Jeremiah 17:9 (ASV) tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?" When we talk about feelings, we're talking about this thing called "the heart."

*depression - depression is another way for someone to focus on himself and, thus, is the sin of pride.

*isolation - There are two ways of looking at this: 1) the scripture that says "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (2 Corinthians 6:17 KJV) and; 2) the scripture that says "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25 KJV).

*Workaholism - A form of bondage and/or idolatry.

*perfectionism - "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 KJV).

*no clear boundaries - "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive" (Ephesians 4:14 KJV). "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8 KJV).

*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others - self-esteem is the sin of pride. Psychology tells us "self-esteem" but the Bible tells us "esteem others."

I'm not so sure that this "co-dependency" is really all that different from a person trying to control the people and circumstances around him.

[Malvaro]

Chan..... do you know the poster "Chance" by chance? :D

[Chan]

Chan..... do you know the poster "Chance" by chance? :DI don't recall seeing that name on the membership list for this forum.

[Rhoni]

Chan,

This is not a debate thread and I would appreciate you not coming in here. You have let yourself and your ideas be known on serveral forums and you will not shut this thread down...I am asking Admin to bar you from this thread. I also ask your thread be deleted from here.

Rhonda



At some point, though, living for oneself becomes pride and selfishness or, to use the language of that wicked worldly philosophy of psychology, narcissism.

Now, let's look at this list you presented (my responses are in blue):

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self - the Bible tells us to do exactly this in the last part of Philippians 2:3, "but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

*Unable to trust your own feelings - Jeremiah 17:9 (ASV) tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?" When we talk about feelings, we're talking about this thing called "the heart."

*depression - depression is another way for someone to focus on himself and, thus, is the sin of pride.

*isolation - There are two ways of looking at this: 1) the scripture that says "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (2 Corinthians 6:17 KJV) and; 2) the scripture that says "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25 KJV).

*Workaholism - A form of bondage and/or idolatry.

*perfectionism - "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 KJV).

*no clear boundaries - "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive" (Ephesians 4:14 KJV). "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8 KJV).

*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others - self-esteem is the sin of pride. Psychology tells us "self-esteem" but the Bible tells us "esteem others."

I'm not so sure that this "co-dependency" is really all that different from a person trying to control the people and circumstances around him.

[Falla39]

*bump* for Falla


Sis. Rhoni,

Just got on here as I went with my sister, Lynn for a doctor's

appointment. Everything was fine.

I have to go to church but I am finding your co-dependency

postings very interesting. Will get back to you later!

Today the receptionist on the onocology floor at the hospital

asked me if I was a preacher! LOL!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Esther]

Sis. Rhoni,

Just got on here as I went with my sister, Lynn for a doctor's

appointment. Everything was fine.

I have to go to church but I am finding your co-dependency

postings very interesting. Will get back to you later!

Today the receptionist on the onocology floor at the hospital

asked me if I was a preacher! LOL!

Blessings,

Falla39

Preach it sis! :)

[Falla39]

Preach it sis! :)

Sis. Esther,

Hi! Looking forward to your books!:bliss

Good to hear from you!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Felicity]

I thought Chan and Chancellor were two different people. ???

[LadyChocolate]

I thought Chan and Chancellor were two different people. ???

I don't think they are........just from reading the posts from the other forum before this one and here...i think they are one in the same!!!

[Rhoni]

I don't think they are........just from reading the posts from the other forum before this one and here...i think they are one in the same!!!

REMOVED PERSONAL ATTACK BY Admin

[Chan]

Chan,

This is not a debate thread and I would appreciate you not coming in here. You have let yourself and your ideas be known on serveral forums and you will not shut this thread down...I am asking Admin to bar you from this thread. I also ask your thread be deleted from here.

RhondaTRANSLATION: No one has the right to question the absolute truth of psychology!

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

My adolescent daughter has begun hanging out with some kids at her public middle school and I am afraid that she is falling in with the wrong crowd. What is a mother to do?

Distraught in Iowa

Just got this...

[Rhoni]

Dear Distraught,

Does your daughter have the Holy Ghost? Have you raised her in the truth? Do you have a close relationship to her? If these are int he affirmative then I would just take her out for a special girls day out and pray and ask God to guide you in conversation with her. She may say something that will open a door for you to address your concerns. What you might say is...be right back...

[Lynne]

Dear Rhoni...
Just thought I would see what you thought about this situation. I have a friend who has been married and divorced 2 times and the first marriage ended due to her having an affair. The 2nd, to me there waas really no relationship. She now, talks to everyone about her 1st marriage (do not think she is over him, she talks about him ALL the time and sometimes refers to him as her "husband" not ex. they have been divorced for about 12 yrs now) and never tells why she was divorced and never tells she has been married a 2nd time. She is a family therapist also. Do you think she just does not want to own up to what she has done and not want other people to know the truth about her?

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni...
Just thought I would see what you thought about this situation. I have a friend who has been married and divorced 2 times and the first marriage ended due to her having an affair. The 2nd, to me there waas really no relationship. She now, talks to everyone about her 1st marriage (do not think she is over him, she talks about him ALL the time and sometimes refers to him as her "husband" not ex. they have been divorced for about 12 yrs now) and never tells why she was divorced and never tells she has been married a 2nd time. She is a family therapist also. Do you think she just does not want to own up to what she has done and not want other people to know the truth about her?

Lynne,

It is possible that she feels everyone already knows. I know that many times multiple marriages occur after a first divorce, but none is as traumatic as the first one regardless of who was supposed at fault. Many times there is mulitple affairs and only the one who has confessed and openly made restitution owns up to it. There are many times that lots of things allegedly are known, but there are always more facts that are not disclosed.

There is a thread in the Fellowhsip hall about the things that love covers in regard to sin. This would be a good reference point for others to post by.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Lynne]

Thanks. I notice from reading some of your posts that you have been married and divorced. Was it just the one time? How do you handle a 2nd divorce, or how can I be helpful to my friend for her to leave the 1st man alone and get over it and be happy. I feel she is wasting her life by dwelling on the past and him now. He has gone on with his life and she seems stuck. Help!!
Lynne

[Rhoni]

Thanks. I notice from reading some of your posts that you have been married and divorced. Was it just the one time? How do you handle a 2nd divorce, or how can I be helpful to my friend for her to leave the 1st man alone and get over it and be happy. I feel she is wasting her life by dwelling on the past and him now. He has gone on with his life and she seems stuck. Help!!
Lynne

Lynne,

Well, it may be that she has gone on with her life and it is he who hasn't gone on with his...which keeps the wounds fresh and the conflict and strife continue. I would say that since you only think you know the facts that maybe you should just give the situation over to God since that is the best to do in situations that 'friends' get into. Co-dependency issues such as we have already discussed here come into play when others get overly involved in situations which do not concern them.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Lynne]

I know all about being co-dependent and believe me it is not him. I am educated. He has remarried and is very happy and doesn't ever talk about her, cause her any trouble or speak ill of her. She is the one who won't let it go and continually lies about the situation to make her self look better. She bad mouths him and his family to everyone around her continously and won't leave them alone. Some one needs to help her. I will continue to seek Godly counsel on this.

[Rhoni]

Dear Distraught,

Does your daughter have the Holy Ghost? Have you raised her in the truth? Do you have a close relationship to her? If these are in the affirmative then I would just take her out for a special girls day out and pray and ask God to guide you in conversation with her. She may say something that will open a door for you to address your concerns. What you might say is...be right back...

One of the things you might say to her is..."I noticed that you have been hanging around with many of your friends from school these days and I know it means a lot to you to have friends. I trust you enough to know that you will do everything possible to help your friends find their way to God". "If there is anything I can do to help with this please let me know, in the meantime I will be praying for you and your friends".

By doing this, you have put the ball, so to speak, in her lap. She knows you are aware, she knows that you trust her, and are praying for her, and she is also aware of her responsibility to be a witness. There is no blame and shame going on so she doesn't have to be defensive.

Mother, by all means cover your daughter/your children in prayer. You can never pray too much for your children. And I believe scripture bears out that our prayers are stored up and honored for a lifetime. All we can do as parents is to ...train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it.

Trust God, trust your parenting, and trust your child/children. Children grow up, they struggle with the same issues you do. The way you model things for them is the way they will see their world and use these same methods to overcome their obstacles.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

Our Pastor's wife had a birthday this morning and they gave her flowers and a card. I kind of thought they should do more, but my husband thought they they got enough through the tithes. I disagree. What is your opinion? Should a minister and his wife be honored for birthdays, anniversaries, and such?

Just Curious

Just got this...

[Rhoni]

Dear Curious,

My view is somewhat biased since I always had women in my church who made sure that there were many gifts and much honoring for birthdays and anniversaries. I will say that the Bible tells us to give honor to whom honor is due. I think it is courteous and in the best of taste to make sure your Pastor and his wife are always honored for special things. They give so much to the kingdom, and do so without expecting reward ...but it speaks well of the people/saints of God to honor their leaders. This is my opinion.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Felicity]

Lavish honour and love, respect and yes - even gifts - on your pastor and pastor's wife. Most of them are more than well deserving and it will only benefit the church in that she will want to be an even better pastor's wife and the church will reap blessing and honour and respect from the Lord.

You reap what you sow. Sow this kind of love, honour and generosity and you will receive it. It's the law of the harvest.

[Margies3]

Rhoni,

On Gabby's I told everyone about making a connection again with a girl I had babysat for many years ago. Her Mom was never a real "Mom" to her or her brothers. She spent all of her time locked in her bedroom away from the kids. When Katie was about 3 or 4, the mother decided to leave the dad AND the kids.

However, before she left, she had a long talk with my mother. During this talk she told Mom that she thought for sure that the dad was molesting Katie. My Mom begged her not to leave the kids with him if that was true. But she just walked out. After that, everyone pretty much decided that the mom was not telling the truth about the possibility that the dad was molesting Katie. Surely, we thought, if it was true, she could never have left that little girl there with him.

So fast forward about 20 years. Katie gets married. After she's married, she reveals to her new husband and his family what her dad had done to her all those years. He is now serving prison time for it.

And Katie also pulled away from everyone from her past. I suppose that was just easier for her than to face us for some reason.

So last week I was able to get in touch with Katie once again. We talked for over 1/2 hour and she truly sounds like she wants to get together again soon.

So here's my question: If Katie starts coming around and we start talking, eventually this whole mess is going to come up in conversation. I know she's going to have lots of questions. So if the subject of her mom comes up, should I tell her about the talk between her mom and my mom? Or should I hide that from her? She seems to have a good relationship with her mom at this point. Her mom lives in another state, which I'm sure is good for both of them. But still.........

I'll be honest. There is a part of me that wants to tell her. Only because I am so angry at her mother for not taking her out when she could have and protecting her when she should have!!! But there's another part of me (a much bigger part) that wouldn't hurt Katie for all the money in the world - or for all of the revenge.

[Rhoni]

Rhoni,

On Gabby's I told everyone about making a connection again with a girl I had babysat for many years ago. Her Mom was never a real "Mom" to her or her brothers. She spent all of her time locked in her bedroom away from the kids. When Katie was about 3 or 4, the mother decided to leave the dad AND the kids.

However, before she left, she had a long talk with my mother. During this talk she told Mom that she thought for sure that the dad was molesting Katie. My Mom begged her not to leave the kids with him if that was true. But she just walked out. After that, everyone pretty much decided that the mom was not telling the truth about the possibility that the dad was molesting Katie. Surely, we thought, if it was true, she could never have left that little girl there with him.

So fast forward about 20 years. Katie gets married. After she's married, she reveals to her new husband and his family what her dad had done to her all those years. He is now serving prison time for it.

And Katie also pulled away from everyone from her past. I suppose that was just easier for her than to face us for some reason.

So last week I was able to get in touch with Katie once again. We talked for over 1/2 hour and she truly sounds like she wants to get together again soon.

So here's my question: If Katie starts coming around and we start talking, eventually this whole mess is going to come up in conversation. I know she's going to have lots of questions. So if the subject of her mom comes up, should I tell her about the talk between her mom and my mom? Or should I hide that from her? She seems to have a good relationship with her mom at this point. Her mom lives in another state, which I'm sure is good for both of them. But still.........

I'll be honest. There is a part of me that wants to tell her. Only because I am so angry at her mother for not taking her out when she could have and protecting her when she should have!!! But there's another part of me (a much bigger part) that wouldn't hurt Katie for all the money in the world - or for all of the revenge.

Dear Margie,

As much as you feel anger toward Katie's mother...she feels more. When revealing such information as this you need to think of just why you are wanting to tell her this? You see, I look at this from a different perspective...Katie's mother got brave enough to finally tell the truth. Maybe she was expecting your mother to do something about it. Your mother did nothing. So, before telling her, which I recommend you not...think about it.

Many women , such as Katie's mother, was also sufferring abuse and she didn't know how to save herself much less her children. Her self-esteem had been shattered. Her expectations of family life shattered. She didn't know she had any power or control.

Katie is speaking up, encourage her to go to counseling to work through all of her issues from the past. Affirm her and also, when she speaks of her mother...tell her what I have just told you: "I am sure your mother loved you so much. We don't know how she was abused, and why she felt she had no strength to fight. It would only benefit you, Katie, to forgive your mother and pray for her healing of the past also. Look how God has brought you out and what God has blessed you with. You are still standing."

Nothing good can come of telling Katie these things unless...somewhere down the road, when healing is happening...she needs to know that HER mother did tell someone, but because they were so sure that Mom would not leave her children in that situation they did not act on it. No person knows what they would do in the same situation unless they have been there.

I had a girl friend growing up. We knew something was wrong in the home but didn't know what. We were children also. In later years we found out that her father had been molesting all the girls at home. He was one thing at church [a lay preacher] and another thing at home. What could we have done if we knew? We will never know. But thankfully my friend has had healing, but many others in her family have not.

I will reiterate, do not mention what you know to Katie unless it benfits her healing knowing that her mother did reach out and tell, but only do so under Godly professional counsleing.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Lavish honour and love, respect and yes - even gifts - on your pastor and pastor's wife. Most of them are more than well deserving and it will only benefit the church in that she will want to be an even better pastor's wife and the church will reap blessing and honour and respect from the Lord.

You reap what you sow. Sow this kind of love, honour and generosity and you will receive it. It's the law of the harvest.

:ty I know this is true! Thank-you for sharing this Sister Felicity! Your church is blessed to have you, and you are blessed to have them.

Love, Rhoni

[Margies3]

Dear Margie,

As much as you feel anger toward Katie's mother...she feels more. When revealing such information as this you need to think of just why you are wanting to tell her this? You see, I look at this from a different perspective...Katie's mother got brave enough to finally tell the truth. Maybe she was expecting your mother to do something about it. Your mother did nothing. So, before telling her, which I recommend you not...think about it.

Many women , such as Katie's mother, was also sufferring abuse and she didn't know how to save herself much less her children. Her self-esteem had been shattered. Her expectations of family life shattered. She didn't know she had any power or control.

Katie is speaking up, encourage her to go to counseling to work through all of her issues from the past. Affirm her and also, when she speaks of her mother...tell her what I have just told you: "I am sure your mother loved you so much. We don't know how she was abused, and why she felt she had no strength to fight. It would only benefit you, Katie, to forgive your mother and pray for her healing of the past also. Look how God has brought you out and what God has blessed you with. You are still standing."

Nothing good can come of telling Katie these things unless...somewhere down the road, when healing is happening...she needs to know that HER mother did tell someone, but because they were so sure that Mom would not leave her children in that situation they did not act on it. No person knows what they would do in the same situation unless they have been there.

I had a girl friend growing up. We knew something was wrong in the home but didn't know what. We were children also. In later years we found out that her father had been molesting all the girls at home. He was one thing at church [a lay preacher] and another thing at home. What could we have done if we knew? We will never know. But thankfully my friend has had healing, but many others in her family have not.

I will reiterate, do not mention what you know to Katie unless it benfits her healing knowing that her mother did reach out and tell, but only do so under Godly professional counsleing.

Blessings, Rhoni

Thank you, Rhoni. This is excellent advice. I was already leaning that direction (not telling Katie), but wanted to bounce it off of someone else who would understand. I appreciate you taking time to respond. God bless you!!

(And I'm still praying about your wedding situation. God has answers that we don't even know about. He reveals them when He's ready.)

[Rhoni]

Thank you, Rhoni. This is excellent advice. I was already leaning that direction (not telling Katie), but wanted to bounce it off of someone else who would understand. I appreciate you taking time to respond. God bless you!!

(And I'm still praying about your wedding situation. God has answers that we don't even know about. He reveals them when He's ready.)


:ty Margie,

We all need prayer and counseling from time to time...even the counselors among us. One of the main reasons for me going into counseling was to better understand myself and others around me. The Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things, and who can know it? Thank God for all the ministering angels we have here on the forum...and you are one of them!

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

I am a moderator on an online board. Everytime I get after the members, they cell phone me wanting special privilages. How can I relate to them I cannot be impartial without sometimes even banning them?

Signed,
Fair and Balanced

Tee Hee...

[Rhoni]

Dear F&B,

The truth is you can't be altogether unbiased, but you can try to be as consistent as possible with the rules to the forum.

Many of us would like to think you like us better than all the others...you know how people are. I do feel that every situation should be looked at individually as well as collectively.

Let Grace and mercy reign as long as it is directed toward Rhoni;)!

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

I am confused. There are members who ask to have accounts deleted. They then are back two days later. What do I do?

Signed,

Overworked Admin

:)!

[Rhoni]

Dear Overworked Administrator,

Continue to do what you have been doing. Give the poster a couple hours, a couple days, or even a month to cool off, calm down, get their emotions in check, and then if they really want to do it...wait some time longer because we all know that AFF is an addiction...if I remember correctly...kind of like CRACK COCAINE.

Blessings, Rhoni

[rgcraig]

Tee Hee...

That was hilarious!

[Falla39]

Sis, Rhoni,

Thinking about you and just wanted to say hello and I am

praying for you, Little Sister!:bliss :bliss

God is going to work out all our situations because HE CAN!!!

It is so wonderful to be able to cast it all on Him for He cares

for us! There is NO ONE who doesn't need this Friend called JESUS!!

Praying for Lana and family also! :bliss :bliss

Blessings,

Falla39

[Rhoni]

Sis, Rhoni,

Thinking about you and just wanted to say hello and I am

praying for you, Little Sister!:bliss :bliss

God is going to work out all our situations because HE CAN!!!

It is so wonderful to be able to cast it all on Him for He cares

for us! There is NO ONE who doesn't need this Friend called JESUS!!

Praying for Lana and family also! :bliss :bliss

Blessings,

Falla39

:ty God is taking care of things in my heart. I believe that when Lana has her next MRI it will show there is no trace of a tumor...not even scar tissue where it was!

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

My wife just had our first child approimately six months ago. Since the baby has been here I can't understand why she doesn't keep the house clean, have supper ready, and when I walk through the door after working all day...she hands me the baby and tells me it is my turn. What does she do all day? I work 40-50 hours a week trying to supply the needs of my family and she does nothing. What should I do about this? I feel I am doing all the work and she is doing nothing.

Frustrated

I have heard this one before...

[Rhoni]

#1 Yesterday, 10:47 PM
LadyCoonskinner
Registered Member Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 23

Hey Everybody...I Need Help!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight I went to a class on Medical Transcription. I used to transcribe roughly 12 years ago and so much has changed.

Well, I am thinking about entering the field again as we have a family (some of our best support) moving in June and so putting me in the position of having to get a job. ( I don't want the Skinner to have to do that, cause I can get a better paying job and he can preach out if he needs to)

So where I need the help is.... do I take this course which I can do in about 3-6 months or....... get a job right now.

Transcription pays well and I can do it from my home on my time, but it will take me a little while to start making money.

So........opinions please (and try to be serious or else)

Dear Mrs. CS,

Many times our short-term needs would seem to eclipse our long-term goals. It is best to consider what is more profitable in the long run than a temporary bandaid right now.

Have you considered alternative options; such as, student loans to meet the financial need while studying for the higher paying position? Or doing a work study program; such as, an office job where there is free time to study and utilize the computer resources for your studies?

Sometimes it is possible to combine the two needs and work on both simultaneously, and other times it would be more lucrative to sacrifice by tightening the budget or even letting the skinner work part-time for 6 months to enable you to make more money to free him up for more ministry...Just a few things you might consider.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I have heard this one before...

Quote:
Dear Rhoni,

My wife just had our first child approimately six months ago. Since the baby has been here I can't understand why she doesn't keep the house clean, have supper ready, and when I walk through the door after working all day...she hands me the baby and tells me it is my turn. What does she do all day? I work 40-50 hours a week trying to supply the needs of my family and she does nothing. What should I do about this? I feel I am doing all the work and she is doing nothing.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated;

First, I'd like to thank-you for the question...men rarely write in to advice columns...it is brave of you.:highfive I'd like to say that your situation is more common than out of the ordinary. Life follows cyclical patterns, and one cycle of life is the childbearing years.

When a woman carries a child for 9 months she feels an emotional attachment to the child that will forever change her. This comes later for the father. After 9 months of body changes, i.e., weight gain, water retention, sometimes high blood pressure, or gestational diabetes. There are hormone changes; one either becomes hyper-sexual or hypo-sexual. There is either a pronounced increase in libido or a pronounced decrease.

Regardless,after the birth of a child a woman's body again changes, she has loose fatty deposits in places she never imagined. Her body is stressed, worn, and exhausted from the experience. Then three days after the baby is born and she returns home and is expected to keep her house as clean as before, prepare meals, and greet her husband at the door with a smile.

Reality is, the baby has cried every 1-2 hours wanting immediate attention. She is trying to read the little one's mind: is the baby wet [need a diaper change], is the baby hungry [need a bottle or the breast], or is the baby in pain [sick],; How is one to know? She is overwhelmed with responsibility and she is afraid if she leaves the baby in the bassinett and walks intot he other room - the baby will stop breathing and die.

Her pre-baby schedule is never more the same. She is at the baby's beck and call...trying to meet all the baby's needs. When is she to find time for her own lunch? For a bath? For time to wash the dishes? Time to fix supper? She feels alone, deserted even though she knows her husband has went to work. She is so glad he has coem home to relieve her of the baby responsibilities so she can get a bath, sit down and eat something, and not worry that the baby is being neglected.

Father comes home, wants to relax because he just got home from work...he opens the door to a distraught wife, to a crying baby, and no supper, and the house is a mess. He feels that he has worked all day and she has done nothing, and tells her about it. Talk about miscommunicating and frustration. And having a baby is supposed to be a happy time...

Here are some things we might try to restore balance/ homeostasis to the situation:

[Rhoni]

*Sharing child care responsibilities - for the first three months, or more...these things should be divided. It can't be equally but it can be done effectively. Mom does need a break. If you don't think so...then the father should babysit for an 8 hour period while Momma has a day out with friends, family, or self care: a facial, manicure, pedicure, or a massage. Then the rest of this should be easier for the father to take;)!

While mother is trying to adapt to new shcedules and effectively manage her time...father should be empathizing with her and asking her what she needs for him to do so that she can take a break, and or fix dinner.

First, when coming home - mother needs to remember that her husband has been working all day and she should begin by kissing him and asking him about his day. He should hold her and tell her that he has missed her and so glad to be home with her.

Then Mother could say, "Honey would you mind holding our precious baby and feeding her this bottle while I fix us some dinner". And he should NEVER say when the baby cries...come and get it. He should practice his own way of soothing thee child [model what he has seen his wife do]. Mother cannot fix supper and be running after a bottle...father should learn how to do this himself. When the baby cries he needs to walk with the baby...take the baby outside...not bring the baby into the kitchen so the mother again feels overwhelmed and unable to take care of the supper.

[Rhoni]

Night feedings...this should be scheduled so that the mother gets 3-4 hours of straight through sleeping, especially if she is breast feeding. In order for milk to come in plenteous and thick...the mother should get adequate rest and hydration. Dad should either take the first shift, or the second shift so that mom can get enought sleep...because it may not be possible in the day when father is at work. This can easily be worked around a workd schedule. Remember Dad, this is just temporary until the baby sleeps more than eats. This shoudl be a shared responsibility. If Mom is breastfeeding, she can either supplement with a bottle of formula or express enough milk to cover one feeding so Dad can share in this bonding activity.

[Fireside]

I would rather heterostasis be restored to any problematic situations that arise in my life.

[Rhoni]

I would rather heterostasis be restored to any problematic situations that arise in my life.


I bet you helped Sis. CS with the children. You are just a lamb in bear's clothing!:tease I will ignore your homophobic remark;)!

[Fireside]

I bet you helped Sis. CS with the children. You are just a lamb in bear's clothing!:tease I will ignore your homophobic remark;)!

I actually got up in the night with our boys a good bit.

they were so sweet when they would wake up wanting to play and visit in the wee hours.

[Rhoni]

I actually got up in the night with our boys a good bit.

they were so sweet when they would wake up wanting to play and visit in the wee hours.

See...I knew I was right...under that rough exterior is a true gentleman and loving father.:ty

[Fireside]

See...I knew I was right...under that rough exterior is a true gentleman and loving father.:ty

I'm still a homophobe though.

We can't forget that.:heeheehee

[Barb]

See...I knew I was right...under that rough exterior is a true gentleman and loving father.:ty

:thumbsup

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

I have a son that is in the fourth grade that is constantly getting into trouble at school for talking. He tells me that his mission in life is to talk. He says that he cannot help himself. His teacher told us that she doesn’t know what else to do to get him to keep quiet.

Today, one of his friends was being jumped on by another student so my son defends his friend by kicking the other child. The child that he kicked is an enemy of his and they must be kept separated. They happen to be on the same baseball team. This kid really has it out for my son because last year during baseball, my son accidentally kicked him in his privates when several of the kids were playing wrestling. At baseball practice the other night, this kid had my child in a head lock. My husband and I have asked our son to stay away from this child because they do not get along. If my son gets in trouble for fighting at school again, he will be suspended. I don’t know how to discipline him any more. We have taken things away from him i.e. playstation, tv, playing time with his friends, going to bed early, etc. Nothing seems to make him want to do better. We have spanked him on occasion but rarely. I don’t like spanking.

Do you have any suggestions as to how we can get him to comply?

Sincerely,
Frustrated

This came in yesterday...

[Rhoni]

Dear Frustrated;

We have two separate issues here: the talking in class, and then the conflict with the other young man. Let's address each issue individually:

#1. Talking in class - now this is not new to kids this age, or any age for that matter! LOL. At this pre-adolescent stage they are just coming to form their own opinions , separate from their parents, and they are beginning to be social and connect with other friends based on some commonalities.

Since negative reinforcement has not been successful, lets try some positive reinforcement. Bring the school teacher into the loop to help with this behavior. Ask the teacher to monitor this by sending home a report on a post-it note every night as to the number of times that the child did not have to be distracted from the behavior you are trying to change. Set up a set of rewards that are appealing ot he child, by his own suggestions [within reason]. Start with meausrable behavioral goals.

Example: Have a notebook the child can carry with him. At the end of the day, make him responsible for going to the teacher and asking how he did today on a scale of 1-10. 1 being that he was excellent and needed no reminding to stop talking and number 10 being that he needed reminding and distracted all day long. He is beginning with a 10 [this is a daily problem], and you want him to be , let's say a 4 [realistic].

Have a chart/dry erase board and keep track of the daily progress and the rewards he will receive for a good week; example: for a 7-8 average weekly report then you would allow him an extra hour on the computer. For a 5-6 average week, he would get the extra hour and an hour later curfew on Friday night. For a 4-5 average week, he would get the extra hour on the computer, an hour longer curfew, and a friend to go to the movies with him on Saturday. [B]Do not change the rules and make him responsible for the amount of reward he earns.

Follow this pattern for a month, see how it works..it may need modified for the next month to iron out the things you didn't take into consideration before. Maybe the rewards were not enough to motivate, ect...

With the behaviors being rewarded depending on his performance, we will address the next issue...

[Rhoni]

#2. Conflict with the other young man: Kids this age get into these situations. If every avenue has been exhausted to apologize regarding the accidental kicking of the young man by your son [remember, the other young man was embarrassed, lost face in front of his peers], then let your son understand...there are consequences to everyone's behaviors.

This is an opportune time to teach him about the way Christ tells us to handle conflict...turning the other cheek, a soft answer, praying for our enemies, changing outrselves if the situation can't be changed. Help your son understand why the young man was embarrassed.

With this in mind, teach him that although Christ forgives our sin, we always reap the effects the sin had on our lives. Rules/boundaries are there for a reason, to protect and teach us respect for others, as well as ourselves. Tell your son that if he gets into another such fight, then he will have to suffer the consequences of his behaviors, no matter who instigated it.

Let your son know, that if he gets expelled, you will support the school in doing it and also set up your own restrictions. If he is expelled, this means NO T.V., no talking on the phone, NO extra curricular activites. You will work on school work, and not be allowed to play. You WILL go to church [never punish your children by keeping them from church], but you can make them sit by you and not their friends, and no going out to eat with the group after service - even if it puts a damper on you as parents. Children don't understand that restriction not only affects the person who had the negative behavior, but the family system.

Do NOT make excuse for your child's behavior. Do NOT enable him to feel good about getting in trouble. Do NOT allow him a free ride even if he did not start it. Hold him accountable. Train him...that is your God instructed role as a parent.

I hope this helps! Keep us posted as to the progress, and if there are further questions please post.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

To all those who read this column: Many times counselors/therapists become counselors/therapists because they have unresolved issues that they need to understand and hope that in the counseling process with others...that things will come to light within themselves so they can make sense of and resolve the past. Such it has been with me.

I am fortunate to have good friends who speak the truth to me even when they know it will hurt. Love makes all the difference. With this in mind, I want to say that it has been brought to my attention by a good friend that I appear to post with bitterness about my ex-husband and his family. We have been divorced for 14 years and he has been married for 14 years in June to someone else. The separation and divorce were extremely difficult for me for many reasons, one of which was the fact I married a preacher on purpose. The purpose being that they did not get divorced. Divorce has been transgenerational in my family. I thought I would be the one to break the curse. I was wrong. The divorce was traumatic for me and compounded by the fact that I was handicapped by a severe car accident, a single parent, and unemployed.

My children have been put in the middle for the majority of their lives and have never been able to make peace with it. I have only thought about myself since my son got engaged and not about him. I know that he didn't purposely leave myself and my family out of the loop, and I know he loves me more than I even realize. It was wrong of me to make his private issues public for all to know and comment about. This was wrong of me. I love my children and grandchildren very much. They are and have been my world for quite sometime. They will always be an integral part, the best part of my life and even the best of me.

There is NOTHING they can do to make me not love them. I am sorry that they, like myself are products of a divorce. As a Christian Counselor I know there is healing for all those involved. I have NO DESIRE to ever go back to my ex-husband. I have not loved him for longer than I can remember, but I wish him no ill will, nor that of his family. I am glad that he is happily married to someone he can share his life with.

The anger and bitterness are not there anymore. There will always be a part of me hurt because of my high expectations that were not met, but I forgave them way back in 2003 and I am praying that God will free me of the hurt I feel whenever there is a family function that puts us in the same room, the same gathering, the same circle of family and friends.

Please feel free to PM me if you think I am posting without thinking. I am hereby declaring the war over and love and peace to abound in my life, with my children and grandchildren. Forgive me forum members, and children for making our private issues public. I will do my best to post more responsibily.

Love & Blessings, Rhonda/Mom

[apersimmon]

To all those who read this column: Many times counselors/therapists become counselors/therapists because they have unresolved issues that they need to understand and hope that in the counseling process with others...that things will come to light within themselves so they can make sense of and resolve the past. Such it has been with me.

I am fortunate to have good friends who speak the truth to me even when they know it will hurt. Love makes all the difference. With this in mind, I want to say that it has been brought to my attention by a good friend that I appear to post with bitterness about my ex-husband and his family. We have been divorced for 14 years and he has been married for 14 years in June to someone else. The separation and divorce were extremely difficult for me for many reasons, one of which was the fact I married a preacher on purpose. The purpose being that they did not get divorced. Divorce has been transgenerational in my family. I thought I would be the one to break the curse. I was wrong. The divorce was traumatic for me and compounded by the fact that I was handicapped by a severe car accident, a single parent, and unemployed.

My children have been put in the middle for the majority of their lives and have never been able to make peace with it. I have only thought about myself since my son got engaged and not about him. I know that he didn't purposely leave myself and my family out of the loop, and I know he loves me more than I even realize. It was wrong of me to make his private issues public for all to know and comment about. This was wrong of me. I love my children and grandchildren very much. They are and have been my world for quite sometime. They will always be an integral part, the best part of my life and even the best of me.

There is NOTHING they can do to make me not love them. I am sorry that they, like myself are products of a divorce. As a Christian Counselor I know there is healing for all those involved. I have NO DESIRE to ever go back to my ex-husband. I have not loved him for longer than I can remember, but I wish him no ill will, nor that of his family. I am glad that he is happily married to someone he can share his life with.

The anger and bitterness are not there anymore. There will always be a part of me hurt because of my high expectations that were not met, but I forgave them way back in 2003 and I am praying that God will free me of the hurt I feel whenever there is a family function that puts us in the same room, the same gathering, the same circle of family and friends.

Please feel free to PM me if you think I am posting without thinking. I am hereby declaring the war over and love and peace to abound in my life, with my children and grandchildren. Forgive me forum members, and children for making our private issues public. I will do my best to post more responsibily.

Love & Blessings, Rhonda/Mom

I just read a bit of your postings to get an idea of what you meant. I think you are a dear lady but one thing stands out to me. Is adultery, in your opinion, a result of this transgenerational curse or was it a personal lust of the flesh problem? Transgenerational curses are a controversial subject. Divorce happens for some pretty earthy reasons, most of the time though. I think perhaps many can benefit from your hindsight.

[Rhoni]

I just read a bit of your postings to get an idea of what you meant. I think you are a dear lady but one thing stands out to me. Is adultery, in your opinion, a result of this transgenerational curse or was it a personal lust of the flesh problem? Transgenerational curses are a controversial subject. Divorce happens for some pretty earthy reasons, most of the time though. I think perhaps many can benefit from your hindsight.

First of all, I have no problem with giving hindsight or answering this question as long as you have no problem identifying yourself. My ex-husband's wife has made many attempts and posted under the name Lynne wanting to expose one of my many past sins to try to justify herself and my ex-husband's affair and adultery. If you would like to expose yourself, then I will more than willingly answer your question. I will say though...my postings in the past 4 years from FCF, NFCF, Tina's forum, and this...have been transparent and helped many through my past experience. I have hid nothing from my personal friends on this forum, those I went to JCM with, and those who have asked in PM's.

Since you and Lynne seem to want details to expose something you think that I have not already been transparent or honest about...then you search your heart as to why you want to know, or for this to be known, post your name...and we will continue this discussion.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Blessings all, I have had a word from God through a prayer warrior I know, love, and respect. I owe no man an explanation or a confession as to my past sins which have been under the blood for 16 years. I post from my knowledge, experience, and my intuition. I will continue to do so. Those that feel they need to know my list of transgressions may PM me. After exposing your sins...then we will talk.

In God's Grip, Rhoni

[whollyHis]

Blessings all, I have had a word from God through a prayer warrior I know, love, and respect. I owe no man an explanation or a confession as to my past sins which have been under the blood for 16 years. I post from my knowledge, experience, and my intuition. I will continue to do so. Those that feel they need to know my list of transgressions may PM me. After exposing your sins...then we will talk.

In God's Grip, Rhoni

Rhoni...I am so glad to made this decision...After reading these posts earlier this morning, I was heavy in my spirit- I do not believe that you owe anyone on these forums ANY explanation for ANYTHING in your life. Now, if you had sinned against a poster on the forum, and it was done publically, then we would have the proverbial horse of a different color. But, this is not the case, and I am grateful that you are 'not going there'.

Love you, and respect you.
God bless you today, and my prayer is that you will find peace in your spirit, and contentment, in spite of your past.

Walk in light, and LIFE!!!! *smile*

[Rhoni]

Thank-you Sis...*smiles back*

Love & Blessings, Rhonda

[Dora]

Dear Rhoni,

Your thread is helping me right now. I so appreciate your willingness to offer help and advice.

So sorry I've been out of touch, but as you may have guessed by now, I've been dealing with LOTS of personal issues.

Keep on keepin' on!

Hugs!
Dora

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

Your thread is helping me right now. I so appreciate your willingness to offer help and advice.

So sorry I've been out of touch, but as you may have guessed by now, I've been dealing with LOTS of personal issues.

Keep on keepin' on!

Hugs!
Dora

Dear sweet Dora,

I just love reading your thread...you should write a book! There will be time for us to get together!

Love you much, Rhoni

[Sister Truth Seeker]

Blessings all, I have had a word from God through a prayer warrior I know, love, and respect. I owe no man an explanation or a confession as to my past sins which have been under the blood for 16 years. I post from my knowledge, experience, and my intuition. I will continue to do so. Those that feel they need to know my list of transgressions may PM me. After exposing your sins...then we will talk.

In God's Grip, RhoniYou go girl...AMEN! They that are without sin, must be dead...

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni;

After giving birth to my 6 month old daughter, I began feeling depressed and questioning whether or not I had actually received the Holy Ghost when I was a young girl. I then began to feel guilty. I decided to go to my Pastor for help.

After explaining what I was feeling to him, the Pastor picked up his Bible, pointed to it, and said, "All the help you need is in here. If you would just believe everything in this book, you wouldn't be depressed." As you might guess, I left his office feeling more guilty, more fearful, and more depressed.

Is this what you do as a Christian Counselor? I guess I don't understand. Can you help me?

Tired and Sad

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired,

I don't doubt the sincere motivation of your Pastor for a minute, but if he had had any notion about what was wrong with you and how to help, he would not have resorted to the "it's in the Bible, believe it" approach. Most people want to help, but get frustrated because they don't know how. many get impatient and say, "Now just pull yourself together and snap out of it." This, of course, makes a bad situation worse. Potential counsleors need to learn basic counseling techniques:

[Fireside]

Dear Tired,

I don't doubt the sincere motivation of your Pastor for a minute, but if he had had any notion about what was wrong with you and how to help, he would not have resorted to the "it's in the Bible, believe it" approach. Most people want to help, but get frustrated because they don't know how. many get impatient and say, "Now just pull yourself together and snap out of it." This, of course, makes a bad situation worse. Potential counsleors need to learn basic counseling techniques:

Translation:

Your pastor is a well-meaning incompetent.

Rhoni, can you answer her question, if that is what you think you have to do, without knocking her preacher in the process?

Come on, Sis. You know better than that.

[Rhoni]

What is counseling?

Christian counseling is demonstrating Christ's understanding, love, and guidance to those in distress. Have you noticed that two of Christ's most prominent titles relate directly to the ministry of counseling? Isaiah 9:6, Christ is called both "Wonderful Counsleor" and "Prince of Peace". Also, Christ described Himself in the Holy Spirit that he gives us as "Comforter" or the "helper".

Since wea re the ambassadors and representatives of our Lord, we cannot be His adequate disciples if we have no idea how to counsel people toward a position and experience of peace. You do NOT have to have a degree in counsleing to become equipped to counsel. James 3:13-18 tells us there are two kinds of wisdom, Godly and earthly. I think I can offer some helps to those who want to become established in maintaining an effective, Godly counseling ministry. The ministry may be that of a Sunday School superintendent counsleing with one of the teachers, an elder or a discipler with a member of the church, a campus worker with a student, pastors and pastor's wives counseling, or youth workers with the youth.

[Rhoni]

Translation:

Your pastor is a well-meaning incompetent.

Rhoni, can you answer her question, if that is what you think you have to do, without knocking her preacher in the process?

Come on, Sis. You know better than that.

Please delete...I am not finished and I am not knocking the Pastor...you are over-reacting.

[Fireside]

Please delete...I am not finished and I am not knocking the Pastor...you are over-reacting.

As long as your post explaining how incompetent her pastor is remains, mine is going to remain.

"He means well, but doesn't have a clue how to help you; I , however, do."

No soap.

[seguidordejesus]

Translation:

Your pastor is a well-meaning incompetent.

Rhoni, can you answer her question, if that is what you think you have to do, without knocking her preacher in the process?

Come on, Sis. You know better than that.

Bro., how would you have preferred her pastor to handle the situation? I sincerely would like to know.

[seguidordejesus]

BTW Coonskinner, spoke with your friend Bro. Zorich last Saturday night...great guy, as you well know :)

[Rhoni]

The first thing that we need to do is by really looking at the individual and recognizing just what it is that they want from us. We have to let the person coming to us know that their condition matters to us.

Starting where we are with this woman:

You might say, "I see that you are really feeling guilty thinking that you might not have really received the Holy Ghost when you were a young girl, am I right?" You have acknowledged that you were listening then asking her feedback letting her know you truly care.

[Rhoni]

Bro., how would you have preferred her pastor to handle the situation? I sincerely would like to know.

This is my thread so you two may exit and wait until I am done...thank-you for respecting my right to answer this dear lady!

Blessings, Rhoni

[seguidordejesus]

This is my thread so you two may exit and wait until I am done...thank-you for respecting my right to answer this dear lady!

Blessings, Rhoni

ROFL!!!!

[Fireside]

Bro., how would you have preferred her pastor to handle the situation? I sincerely would like to know.

I am not saying he handled it right; that is not my point.

But I don't think it is responsible to denigrate someone's spiritual leadership publicly or privately.

For one thing, we do not know the whole story.

There are always two sides, at least.

What we read might be absolutely and completely accurate...or it might not.

This is the internet.

I have pastored people who live in a constant state of mullygrubs, and have spent many hours talking with them and trying to encourage them. In some cases, they never take advice, and don't really want help, just attention. With those folks, at some point, you have to wean them off the constant draining process of listening to the same complaints over and over again with no progress.

Now, if what we read is an accurate picture, I would have taken some time and explained that a woman's body goes through many hormonal changes after childbirth, and tried to encourage the good sister to recognize that it is somewhat natural to feel emotions going out of control. I might have recommended that she see a doctor.

Regarding the Holy Ghost, I would take her to the Word and talk to her about walking by faith and not sight; I would point out the fruit of the Spirit in her life (hopefully--if there was some:) ) and do my best to build her faith all I could.

Something along those lines.

What bugged me about Rhoni's post was that rather than just addressing the issue, she had to start out by criticizing the pastor's reported handling of the situation.

I have lived long enough to know that things aren't always as they seem, and that is especially true on the internet.

[Rhoni]

We can not turn to the counselor's focus and the counselee's need.

To the counselee, understanding means that you heard what has been said, and have some idea of how they might be feeling. Caring is that you recognize they have doubts and guilty feelings. You might say: "It sounds like you are doubting your experience with Christ whan you were a child and it makes you feel guilty, am I right about that?"

[seguidordejesus]

Thanks, Coonskinner.

[Fireside]

This is my thread so you two may exit and wait until I am done...thank-you for respecting my right to answer this dear lady!

Blessings, Rhoni

You may have started this thread, but you don't own it. :)

Last time I checked, it was a public forum, and I will therefore post as I see fit, and expect you to do the same.

Say what you like over here, but don't think I won't respond if I take a notion. :)

Nothing personal, Sis, just a matter of principle.

Stuff like this gives counsellors a bad name.

You need to learn to help, if you can, without subtly undermining the pastor in the process.

[rgcraig]

This is my thread so you two may exit and wait until I am done...thank-you for respecting my right to answer this dear lady!

Blessings, Rhoni

Rhoni, this is not YOUR thread. :ty

[Rhoni]

Now, we can turn toward another focus. You don't need to "FIX" anything. Guide them to figure this out on their own. You might ask her: "Tell me about your experience with Christ when you were a child..." Open-ended so they can tell you their story.

I need to ask this woman to give me more information regarding the experience that she had when she was a child and thought she received the Holy Ghost.

I am asking her now...give me awhile to get a response.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Fireside]

Rhoni, this is not YOUR thread. :ty

Thanks, Renda.


That was my understanding as well.

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired,

What I understood you to say was that you received the Holy Ghost when you were 5 years old and you had prayed for hours at the altar. After the birth of your daughter then you began thinking about how you were feeling and some of the thoughts you have been having are inappropriate and you think that you couldn't have really recieved the Holy Ghost since you are feeling this way.

[Rhoni]

You have told me that when you recieved the Holy Ghost you felt so good...and you had to be carried out of the church by your father as you were speaking in tongues and just couldn't stop!

[Rhoni]

You also told me that you were baptized the following church service so that your other family members could be there, and that you had to wear one of your own dresses because the baptismal gowns were all too big for you.

[Rhoni]

Sounds like you had a wonderful experience with the Lord. What does the Bible tell you that you need to do to be saved?

[Rhoni]

She is giving me feedback...BRB

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired,

You have just described to me the plan of salvation as taught you through Acts 2:38. Repentence, being baptized in Jesus name, and the infilling of the Holy Ghost as evidenced by speaking in other tongues...is this how you recieved it?

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired,

Many times our feelings change about things. When we are pregnant we go through hormonal changes, I am sure you had them...I know I did. Feelings go up and down like a roller coaster but the one thing that Never changes is the word of God. No matter how we feel...if we receive the Holy Ghost, just like the Bible tells us...then it is a fact. This is why Christ gave us specific instructions on how to be saved so when times like this happen...then we can look past our feelings and KNOW the fact.

So now that we have established the fact you really did recieve the Holy Ghost..let's look at the depression you are experiencing right now...

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired, I am at work...and need to go but will address this as soon as I can. Please be patient with me.

Blessings, Rhoni

[seguidordejesus]

Thanks, Renda.


That was my understanding as well.

If it is HER thread, maybe we should lock it and assign her a password to post on it :):drawguns

[Rhoni]

Character and Nature of God

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this
statement meant about the Character and Nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest
beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:

"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do
you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his
eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend
it once.

[Malvaro]

Last time I checked, it was a public forum, and I will therefore post as I see fit....

Dear Dr. Coonskinner,

I always enjoy reading your posts on this thread; they always ring true and carry with them keen insight. Maybe someday you should get around to writing a book, as I'm sure that many would be blessed by the wisdom that God has imparted unto you through the years.

I'm really glad that someone thought to open this thread as it may give you a great opportunity to really help some people.

:ty

Sincerely,

A long time fan

[Rhoni]

Dear Dr. Coonskinner,

I always enjoy reading your posts on this thread; they always ring true and carry with them keen insight. Maybe someday you should get around to writing a book, as I'm sure that many would be blessed by the wisdom that God has imparted unto you through the years.

I'm really glad that someone thought to open this thread as it may give you a great opportunity to really help some people.

:ty

Sincerely,

A long time fan:heeheehee I think you mean the one he started... but thank-you for affirming my thread:ty :killinme :killinme :killinme

[Chancellor]

:heeheehee I think you mean the one he started... but thank-you for affirming my thread:ty :killinme :killinme :killinmeI agree with you dear friend that I think your thread has been affirmed.

[rrford]

I think CS's advice is better.

[Dora]

So what EXACTLY constitutes "BASHING?" and do regular non-preacher-posters only get reprimanded and sent to the Cry Room when they "BASH" preachers, or it is equal opportunity "BASHING" across the board, or are preachers allowed to "BASH" non-preachers without fear of reprisal???

What I'm getting from the content of this thread is that it's okay to "BASH" a non-preacher-person, but you CAIN'T AIN'T gonna "BASH" NO PREACHERS 'ROUND HERE! NOSIRREEBOB!!!

But go right on ahead and "BASH" a nice young lady who is educated in theology as well as in counseling and who is willing to offer advice 'gratis' for those who seek her help here.

But PLEASE! No "BASHING" of a guy who is clearly shooting from the hip without regard for the sorrows of others and posting snide obtuse remarks aimed at a fellow poster.

I'm soooo confused....

[revrandy]

I have pastored people who live in a constant state of mullygrubs, and have spent many hours talking with them and trying to encourage them. In some cases, they never take advice, and don't really want help, just attention. With those folks, at some point, you have to wean them off the constant draining process of listening to the same complaints over and over again with no progress.




CS.... you know some folks ain't Happy unless their mad all the time...:D

[Rhoni]

Dear Tired,

Back to the depression that you are feeling right now. When our bodies go through the birthing process, the travail of labor and delivery, we experience changes in our physical body, changes in our attitudes toward the home and child rearing, and also hormonal changes that need to come back into balance. Every woman's experience is a little different from the others but one thing in common is CHANGE.

The good news is that this chemical imbalnce you are feeling is temporary. Depending on the severity of your symptoms, which you have described to be as being: a detachment from the baby which makes you feel guilty and that you are not bonding as you expected, and an inability to concentrate and focus on getting anything done around the house, and irritability that cause you to be irrational a pick fights with your husband over nothing at all. You also described not sleeping well, difficulty going to sleep and staying asleep once you get to sleep [some of which is exascerbated by the feeding of the baby], and binge eating to soothe yourself.

The symptoms you describe are ones that decrease your ability to function and affect your quality of life. In this case I would suggest either decribing your symptoms to your OB/GYN, or going in for a psychiatric appointment covered under your insurance to get a low dose anti-depressant to help bring the chemical imbalance back into balance. Once the balance has been restored you will be able to think/concentrate and you will feel a bonding with your child that alludes you to this point. You will be able to concentrate and get back into your routine of daily prayer and getting your responsibilites accomplished. After approximately 3-6 months, this is different for everyone, you will be able to come off the medication and resume normal functioning. Medication is just a temporary necessity until things become more focused for you.

Because of the misinformation and obvious prejudice about the need for help outside the Bible in many of our churches, I recommend you keep the fact you are taking an anti-depressant to yourself. You and your husband do not need to bring everyone into the picture because not everyone understands the need for this, but unless they have been where you are, they cannot know the seriousness of the post-partuum depression you are now suffering.

Because you have already prayed and God has not healed you to this point, then it must have been God's will that brought you and I together at this time. I have been working with post-partuum women for the past 4 years and know what this does to a person. Thank God he gives us people in our lives that can help us when we don't know how to help ourselves.

Blessings, & Prayers, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

So what EXACTLY constitutes "BASHING?" and do regular non-preacher-posters only get reprimanded and sent to the Cry Room when they "BASH" preachers, or it is equal opportunity "BASHING" across the board, or are preachers allowed to "BASH" non-preachers without fear of reprisal???

What I'm getting from the content of this thread is that it's okay to "BASH" a non-preacher-person, but you CAIN'T AIN'T gonna "BASH" NO PREACHERS 'ROUND HERE! NOSIRREEBOB!!!

But go right on ahead and "BASH" a nice young lady who is educated in theology as well as in counseling and who is willing to offer advice 'gratis' for those who seek her help here.

But PLEASE! No "BASHING" of a guy who is clearly shooting from the hip without regard for the sorrows of others and posting snide obtuse remarks aimed at a fellow poster.

I'm soooo confused....

Sis. Dora,

You and I both know that there is no balance when it comes to issues regarding men and women in Apostolic circles. Only truly secure men can handle women who have a mind of their own and have reached a level of understanding that may exceed that of other men.

I am blessed to know many secure men who are aware of their limitations in this area and welcome the counseling helps that I can provide through God's quidance and my educational attainment.

Is posting fair? Not hardly, but I put three men on ignore and just keep on plugging away...until God tells me otherwise.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Fireside]

Sis. Dora,

You and I both know that there is no balance when it comes to issues regarding men and women in Apostolic circles. Only truly secure men can handle women who have a mind of their own and have reached a level of understanding that may exceed that of other men.

I am blessed to know many secure men who are aware of their limitations in this area and welcome the counseling helps that I can provide through God's quidance and my educational attainment.

Is posting fair? Not hardly, but I put three men on ignore and just keep on plugging away...until God tells me otherwise.
Blessings, Rhoni

Let us pray:

"Heavenly Father, in Your infinite wisdom, please don't tell Rhoni to take me off ignore until she is spiritually mature enough to receive the posting that Thou biddest me post, for the edification of those wayward souls that read and desire wisdom. Amen"

[seguidordejesus]

Let us pray:

"Heavenly Father, in Your infinite wisdom, please don't tell Rhoni to take me off ignore until she is spiritually mature enough to receive the posting that Thou biddest me post, for the edification of those wayward souls that read and desire wisdom. Amen"

Quoting so Rhoni can see :D

[LadyChocolate]

Let us pray:

"Heavenly Father, in Your infinite wisdom, please don't tell Rhoni to take me off ignore until she is spiritually mature enough to receive the posting that Thou biddest me post, for the edification of those wayward souls that read and desire wisdom. Amen"

Quoting so Rhoni can see :D

:heeheehee You guys aint right!!!:heeheehee

[Falla39]

Character and Nature of God

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this
statement meant about the Character and Nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest
beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:

"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do
you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his
eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend
it once.

Sis. Rhoni,

I love this story! It reminds me again of the song Sis. Joan Ewing wrote

and her husband, Bro. Murrell sings so beautifully!! It speaks to my heart's

desire:

Write on the parchment of my soul today,
the message that You'd wish my life to say!
I'm weary with my way, it's Your's I must find,
So mold me and bend me, not my will, but Thine.

Cho.
Create in me, Your Image, O Lord,
Let me be all You've dreamed I could be.
And when You have finished with Your work in me,
I pray that JESUS is all they can see.

Often I've reached for this world and it's gain,
Each time to find out, it brought only pain.
I've finally found that Your Way, Lord, is best,
And with the learning, has come peace and rest.


"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew
a right spirit within me". Ps.51: 10

Blessings,

Falla39

[Rhoni]

Sis. Rhoni,

I love this story! It reminds me again of the song Sis. Joan Ewing wrote

and her husband, Bro. Murrell sings so beautifully!! It speaks to my heart's

desire:

Write on the parchment of my soul today,
the message that You'd wish my life to say!
I'm weary with my way, it's Your's I must find,
So mold me and bend me, not my will, but Thine.

Cho.
Create in me, Your Image, O Lord,
Let me be all You've dreamed I could be.
And when You have finished with Your work in me,
I pray that JESUS is all they can see.

Often I've reached for this world and it's gain,
Each time to find out, it brought only pain.
I've finally found that Your Way, Lord, is best,
And with the learning, has come peace and rest.


"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew
a right spirit within me". Ps.51: 10

Blessings,

Falla39

:ty Yes...I loved to hear them sing...way back in the day!:bliss

Love &Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

:heeheehee You guys aint right!!!:heeheehee

Lady Chocolate...you went and blew it...I had both those guys on ignore!:heeheehee

Blessings, Rhoni

[Chancellor]

I think CS's advice is better.
We are all allowed to think what we desire, that is what makes the human such a wonderful part of Gods creation. In my experience and wisdom Rhoni had the better post.

[Rhoni]

We are all allowed to think what we desire, that is what makes the human such a wonderful part of Gods creation. In my experience and wisdom Rhoni had the better post.

Chancellor,

I am at work and just checked in and saw your post and about fell out of my chair...I am not sure if I should say thank-you or ask you if you've smoked crack:heeheehee
:praying :praying :praying :praying :praying

I think I heard a voice telling me to post this::ty

Blessings, Rhoni

[Malvaro]

We are all allowed to think what we desire, that is what makes the human such a wonderful part of Gods creation. In my experience and wisdom Rhoni had the better post.

but the real question should be, Is it ok to use psychology to try to spiritually help someone? hehehehe :heeheehee

I'm just playin :bliss

[Rhoni]

but the real question should be, Is it ok to use psychology to try to spiritually help someone? hehehehe :heeheehee

I'm just playin :bliss

:beatdeadhorse :beatdeadhorse :beatdeadhorse :beatdeadhorse

I'm just playin too:sad :tease :heeheehee :killinme

[seguidordejesus]

If I recall, the old Chancellor is Chan here...could this be an imposter?????????

[seguidordejesus]

I can't believe she had ME on ignore LOL

[rgcraig]

If I recall, the old Chancellor is Chan here...could this be an imposter?????????

Note to Rhoni: read the above.

[Rhoni]

Note to Rhoni: read the above.

So...it isn't really Chancellor huh? I think I am now officially crazy! Am I in the twilight zone?:dunno

[rgcraig]

So...it isn't really Chancellor huh? I think I am now officially crazy! Am I in the twilight zone?:dunnoWhat do you think?

[Felicity]

They're not one and the same. The twain are not one.

[Rhoni]

They're not one and the same. The twain are not one.

Well...Chancellor is not Chancellor but is Chan, so then who is Chancellor?:bliss :bliss :bliss :bliss

[Neck]

Dear Rhoni, How come I am getting depressed over this Forum? It just seems to be a bunch of folks tryng to out wit each other on what they know.

I am just getting tired....

[Felicity]

Dear Rhoni, How come I am getting depressed over this Forum? It just seems to be a bunch of folks tryng to out wit each other on what they know.

I am just getting tired....*yawn*

:)

[Malvaro]

Dear Rhoni, How come I am getting depressed over this Forum? It just seems to be a bunch of folks tryng to out wit each other on what they know.

I am just getting tired....

maybe you'd be better leave and get some sleep.... :heeheehee

[Felicity]

*yawn*

:)

maybe you'd be better leave and get some sleep.... :heeheehee *in the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses* :bliss

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni, How come I am getting depressed over this Forum? It just seems to be a bunch of folks tryng to out wit each other on what they know.

I am just getting tired....

Bro. Neckstadt,

This forum was supposed to be an advice column that I was using to sharpen my skills. Many people don't like what I do and what I have studied...psychology. They make it a point to sabatogue my thread [I know I don't own it] First my ex-husband's spouse tried to sabatogue it. Then Chancellor knocks what I do as [secular humanism-doctrine of the devils],; then Coonskinner tries to butt in before I am finished to tell everyone I have a problem with church leadership, then Suiggy pats him on the back and then we get some others posting and the thread isn't what is started out being.

I am tired too. I have considered not posting and getting off the forum...I am working up the fortitude to do that. I have tried hard to minister to a segment of people in our churches who need what I have to say...and I get tired of fighting the battle...

The only one who knows how tired I am is concerned about me and tried her best to help me up...but I know that it is between Jesus and I. I will make the right choice because God is with me.

I am sorry this thread depresses you...it was more meant to help those who may be depressed...anyway...I am sorry that you feel this way.

Sincerely, Rhoni

[Felicity]

Rhonda hon.....

I don't think your thread is depressing Neckstadt. That's not what he said anyhow.

Who's Suiggy? :confused:

[Rhoni]

Rhonda hon.....

I don't think your thread is depressing Neckstadt. That's not what he said anyhow.

Who's Suiggy? :confused:

Segordejesus...or whatever...it is too much for me to spell and think about...my ADD kicks in;)

[Felicity]

Segordejesus...or whatever...it is too much for me to spell and think about...my ADD kicks in;)Just be calm! Everything's going to be okay. :kittyhug


:) ;)

[Felicity]

Segordejesus...or whatever...it is too much for me to spell and think about...my ADD kicks in;)SeguidordeJesus.

Suiggy ...... :killinme

[Rhoni]

Just be calm! Everything's going to be okay. :kittyhug


:) ;)

I know...I started back on my prempro...I tried to believe God would heal my menopause but my faith was shattered a couple weeks ago and my armour is in tatters but I am getting it repaired.:praying

[Felicity]

I know...I started back on my prempro...I tried to believe God would heal my menopause but my faith was shattered a couple weeks ago and my armour is in tatters but I am getting it repaired.:prayingHeal it? LOL! :killinme You're cracking me up here.

Just go with the flow sis.......or without it I guess. Whatever! :heeheehee

[Rhoni]

Heal it? LOL! :killinme You're cracking me up here.

Just go with the flow sis.......or without it I guess. Whatever! :heeheehee

I can't believe you said that on a public forum:heeheehee

[Barb]

Heal it? LOL! :killinme You're cracking me up here.

Just go with the flow sis.......or without it I guess. Whatever! :heeheehee

LOL!!:killinme

[Rhoni]

LOL!!:killinme


You gals are so bad!:heeheehee

[Rhoni]

oops...Rev. Randy...maybe you should close your eyes!

[Felicity]

I can't believe you said that on a public forum:heeheeheeLOL! Why? I didn't say anything bad did I?

:largehalo

[revrandy]

Felicity...You have discovered a Sure Fire way to keep us men off here!!!!:D

[Rhoni]

Felicity...You have discovered a Sure Fire way to keep us men off here!!!!:D

Felicity...Did I say :ty

Blessings, Rhoni:heeheehee

[Felicity]

Felicity...You have discovered a Sure Fire way to keep us men off here!!!!:DOh come on. We all live in the real world including you -- so there! :tease














Hehe. ;) :D

[Rhoni]

Guess the place is officially lightened up! ;)

[revrandy]

Rhoni...
I somewhat see your battle from a different view point tho.. I do believe in the need for Christian Counseling....My precious wife suffered from Clinical Depression from an injury she sustained from her job and the pain she was in.. for about 2 years and our family as a whole suffered..until she began a counseling program thru her Job Provider with a Christian Counselor... and with counseling and God we made it thru.. meeting her today you would never know what she or we went thru..

A part of your battle is (if you don't mind) is your personal struggles with church and men and authority comes thru many times in your advice.. at least what I've read...

A part of counsel is the nuetrality one needs when dealing with folks who are hurting.... if you go into the conversation with bias isn't that a disservice to those you are offering advice too??

and I am not being mean nor flippant just asking??

[Felicity]

Guess the place is officially lightened up! ;)Like a LIGHT BULB!:nutso

:bliss

[Felicity]

I suffered from depression for about ..... lesseee.......*counting* ....... 8 years or so .... something like that. Way too long.

Dear God in heaven ....... thank goodness He knows and understands. :)

I think I'm okay now. Although some might question. :killinme

:bliss

[Rhoni]

Rhoni...
I somewhat see your battle from a different view point tho.. I do believe in the need for Christian Counseling....My precious wife suffered from Clinical Depression from an injury she sustained from her job and the pain she was in.. for about 2 years and our family as a whole suffered..until she began a counseling program thru her Job Provider with a Christian Counselor... and with counseling and God we made it thru.. meeting her today you would never know what she or we went thru..

A part of your battle is (if you don't mind) is your personal struggles with church and men and authority comes thru many times in your advice.. at least what I've read...

Bro. Randy,

Truthfully, I don't see that is my battle at all. There are some men of God/Pastors who are aware that they aren't called, or able to counsel due to lack of knowledge regarding mental illness, maybe time constraints or they aren't very good listeners. Then there are those men of God/Pastors who are fully equipped to counsel, enjoy it, and recognize the need for it. Regardless...this is not my conflict.

The problem is I call them like I see them. I will not excuse a Pastor's behavior because he is Pastor. I have no problem submitting to the authority over me...but it isn't all Pastors, or all men...It is only my Pastor and my husband that I will submit to. This forum is not a place where I think, "Oh this one is a Pastor so I will have to respect him and pat him on the back when he says something that is irresponsible or contrary to my belief system." I can respectfully disagree...but when they attack me, which happens quite often then I have to call them idiots..:heeheehee I have red hair...duh!





A part of counsel is the nuetrality one needs when dealing with folks who are hurting.... if you go into the conversation with bias isn't that a disservice to those you are offering advice too??

and I am not being mean nor flippant just asking??

We are taught in school to be aware of our biases...and when they are in conflict then we are to get peer supervision and be careful not to transfer our feeling onto the client...this is true...but notice the post in question: how I said that the Pastor was sincere, but many people do not know how to address a situation and instead of saying, "I don't know they come up with a...read it in the Bible" answer. ]paraphrased] Now if I really wanted to show bias, I would have said..."All Pastors are jerks and have no knowledge of counseling and it would be better to go to a licensed counselor". But what I said...anyone who loves God can be trained to counsel...and then gave helps to those who may need it...and even gave a list of people that could be helped: Sunday School Superintendent, Youth Ministry leaders, Pastors and Pastor's wives. I also said you could be a great Christian Counselor without ever studying it in college...I think some of you men only hear what you want to hear and use it to prove Rhoni has bias where there is none!I hope this clears it up...but probably not and you will address it again and again..and I will post the same things again and again.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I suffered from depression for about ..... lesseee.......*counting* ....... 8 years or so .... something like that. Way too long.

Dear God in heaven ....... thank goodness He knows and understands. :)

I think I'm okay now. Although some might question. :killinme

:bliss

Had you went to a Godly counselor and even taken prozac for awhile it wouldn't have suffered with it so long...but the stubborness you inherited was evident in your sufferring;)! Some people love to wallow in it for awhile...I know I do!:tease

:heeheehee

[Fireside]

Sigh.

Rhoni, I am not against you as a person, or even a counselor, if that is what you want to be.

But if you don't have enough wisdom or sense ot ethics or whatever to help somebody with a problem without first telling them how incompetent their pastor is, you have no business counselling anybody.

You start your session by undermining the shepherd that watches for their soul, and then go on to show how you, on the other hand, can pour on the balm of Gilead.

Do you not see what I am talking about?

The rule of thumb is that you do not undermine the spiritual authority in a person's life when you start to counsel them.

You could have addressed the woman's problem without first letting her and everyone else know what a bumbling, uncaring incompetent he was compared to you.

[Felicity]

Had you went to a Godly counselor and even taken prozac for awhile it wouldn't have suffered with it so long...but the stubborness you inherited was evident in your sufferring;)! Some people love to wallow in it for awhile...I know I do!:tease

Oops. I forgot which thread I was on when I posted that. :heeheehee

Proazac?!! :eek: No way!!! And nope. I am NOT a wallower. :nah

I lived through some very difficult stuff with major pressure .... only the Lord knows! .... and I had to deal with it on a day to day basis and it went on for a long time.

I went to a Counselor. His name is Jesus!!! :praying And I studied the Book He wrote which shows us and teaches us how to deal with everything that comes our way. I made it through. Most people had no idea because I'm not the type that walks around acting depressed. I didn't even know I was. In hindsight I think I was. At least for a few years.

I don't do drugs.

[Rhoni]

Sigh.

Rhoni, I am not against you as a person, or even a counselor, if that is what you want to be.

But if you don't have enough wisdom or sense ot ethics or whatever to help somebody with a problem without first telling them how incompetent their pastor is, you have no business counselling anybody.

You start your session by undermining the shepherd that watches for their soul, and then go on to show how you, on the other hand, can pour on the balm of Gilead.

Do you not see what I am talking about?

The rule of thumb is that you do not undermine the spiritual authority in a person's life when you start to counsel them.

You could have addressed the woman's problem without first letting her and everyone else know what a bumbling, uncaring incompetent he was compared to you.

Bro. CS,

#1. The person who asked the question does not post on this forum...
#2. Your interpretation of what I said was not how it was written...I was training...those who don't know how to counsel how to do it...
#3. I do not consider myself an expert nor above the capabilites of all Pastors but above the capabilities of some.
#4. The intent of the thread was not to compare myself to Pastors but to help Pastors understand what I do and how non-threatening to them it is. It is about being an extension of the body...

I am sorry if you feel that I think I am above ministry...I do not think that...just defending my right to help in the kingdom ministries. I am becoming more comfortable in my calling and don't need to 'minister' in a church, nor have 'ministry' affirm or use me...I am almost there. When I no longer care...I am sure that God will open more opportunities for me, and not necessarily in the church...I will go where there is a need...and many times the church isn't where the greatest need is...it is out there in the trenches...

Respectfully, Rhoni

P.S. I sure wish you could take a look inside my heart Pastor CS...you might like what you see.

[Fireside]

Oops. I forgot which thread I was on when I posted that. :heeheehee

Proazac?!! :eek: No way!!! And nope. I am NOT a wallower. :nah

I lived through some very difficult stuff with major pressure .... only the Lord knows! .... and I had to deal with it on a day to day basis and it went on for a long time.

I went to a Counselor. His name is Jesus!!! And I studied the book He wrote which shows us and teaches us how to deal with everything that comes our way. I made it through. Most people had no idea because I'm not the type that walks around acting depressed. I didn't even know I was. In hindsight I think I was. At least for a few years.

I don't do drugs.

What a novel idea...you prayed and spent time in the Word.

That is too simple to be effective, and besides, it doesn't give you the opportunity to focus on "poor little ole me" nearly enough.

Surely you don't recommend that method for ordinary people?

I mean, you must be weird if that worked for you.

[Fireside]

Bro. CS,

#1. The person who asked the question does not post on this forum...
#2. Your interpretation of what I said was not how it was written...I was training...those who don't know how to counsel how to do it...
#3. I do not consider myself an expert nor above the capabilites of all Pastors but above the capabilities of some.
#4. The intent of the thread was not to compare myself to Pastors but to help Pastors understand what I do and how non-threatening to them it is. It is about being an extension of the body...

I am sorry if you feel that I think I am above ministry...I do not think that...just defending my right to help in the kingdom ministries. I am becoming more comfortable in my calling and don't need to 'minister' in a church, nor have 'ministry' affirm or use me...I am almost there. When I no longer care...I am sure that God will open more opportunities for me, and not necessarily in the church...I will go where there is a need...and many times the church isn't where the greatest need is...it is out there in the trenches...

Respectfully, Rhoni

P.S. I sure wish you could take a look inside my heart Pastor CS...you might like what you see.

I did not say you thought you were "above the ministry" in a general sense; I just think it is a very, very poor practice to undermine someone's confidence in their pastor.

I objected to your handling of that one situation in one post.

[Rhoni]

Oops. I forgot which thread I was on when I posted that. :heeheehee

Proazac?!! :eek: No way!!! And nope. I am NOT a wallower. :nah

I lived through some very difficult stuff with major pressure .... only the Lord knows! .... and I had to deal with it on a day to day basis and it went on for a long time.

I went to a Counselor. His name is Jesus!!! :praying And I studied the Book He wrote which shows us and teaches us how to deal with everything that comes our way. I made it through. Most people had no idea because I'm not the type that walks around acting depressed. I didn't even know I was. In hindsight I think I was. At least for a few years.

I don't do drugs.

If you had cancer would you go to a Dr. and take Chemo or would you pray about it and die if God didn't heal you?

Do you ever take an aspirin, tylenol, nyquil, antibiotics? HUMMMMMMMM...I think I rest my case:dunno

[Fireside]

If you had cancer would you go to a Dr. and take Chemo or would you pray about it and die if God didn't heal you?

Do you ever take an apsirin, tylenol, nyquil, antibiotics? HUMMMMMMMM...I think I rest my case:dunno

Many of the things people go to counsellors for are not as clearly physical in anture as the diseases you mention.

Apples and prickly pear.

[Rhoni]

What a novel idea...you prayed and spent time in the Word.

That is too simple to be effective, and besides, it doesn't give you the opportunity to focus on "poor little ole me" nearly enough.

Surely you don't recommend that method for ordinary people?

I mean, you must be weird if that worked for you.

8 years of struggling with depression? Come on...nothing heroic about that...I think it is sad.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Felicity]

If you had cancer would you go to a Dr. and take Chemo or would you pray about it and die if God didn't heal you?

Do you ever take an aspirin, tylenol, nyquil, antibiotics? HUMMMMMMMM...I think I rest my case:dunno They are NOT mood altering drugs.

I'm not going to diss others for taking them if they feel they need to but I've learned to rely on the GREAT PHYSICIAN.

For me ........ no no and no again. Therapists, counselors and drugs have their place, but I have found all I need in Jesus Christ. The problem is a lot of people don't avail themselves of His services.

[Rhoni]

I did not say you thought you were "above the ministry" in a general sense; I just think it is a very, very poor practice to undermine someone's confidence in their pastor.

I objected to your handling of that one situation in one post.

Well Bro. CS, I think you were seeign the post through your own colored glasses of bias.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Fireside]

Well Bro. CS, I think you were seeign the post through your own colored glasses of bias.

Blessings, Rhoni

I simply read where you told this woman her pastor had dropped the ball.

Not smart.

[Felicity]

8 years of struggling with depression? Come on...nothing heroic about that...I think it is sad.

Blessings, RhoniMaybe I shouldn't have used the word depression. Let's change that to dealing with major ongoing pressure over a lengthy time and feeling burnt out. There IS a difference. So let's get rid of the D word. :)

I made that initial post unwisely. Sorry.

[Rhoni]

They are NOT mood altering drugs.

I'm not going to diss others for taking them if they feel they need to but I've learned to rely on the GREAT PHYSICIAN.

For me ........ no no and no again. Therapists, counselors and drugs have their place, but I have found all I need in Jesus Christ. The problem is a lot of people don't avail themselves of His services.

Mood altering...I think I would prefer my mood to be altered from one of depression and inability to concentrate - to one of normalcy and ability to conscentrate and make good decisions for myself. Just my humble opinion.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word depression. Let's change that to dealing with major ongoing pressure over a lengthy time and feeling burnt out. There IS a difference. So let's get rid of the D word. :)

You used it...but don't want to hear what I am saying...:dunno

[Felicity]

You used it...but don't want to hear what I am saying...:dunnoYes, it was slightly misleading. I'm sorry.

[Rhoni]

I simply read where you told this woman her pastor had dropped the ball.

Not smart.

I think I understand your sensitivity to this post but you read it wrong. I was in ministry for 15 years also and many times we were taught that we had to be the expert and never admit that we couldn't handle a situation.

I remember the first funeral of a dear saint in our church who died of cancer. My husband and I were to go in for the family viewing and help them with their grief...I had to leave and go in the restroom and cry my eyes out...they came in and comforted me...talk about feeling embarrassed.:sad

Blessings, Rhoni

[Felicity]

The thing is even though it was a tough number of years I carried the ball the whole way through ... fulfilled my responsibilities ..... until it wasn't necessary anymore. I did REAL good I think! :bliss

God has been so good to me!! I've proven that He can take us through anything and give us the strength and ability to do what we have to do leaning on Him and His Word, His people and He does give angels charge over us!

A lot of times we make things harder for ourselves because we don't lean on Him and trust Him the way we should. We don't take advantage of all that He has offered to us and that's our own fault.

People could save themselves a lot of trouble if they'd do like the song says........

"take it to the Lord in prayer!" :)

[Rhoni]

The thing is even though it was a tough number of years I carried the ball the whole way through ... fulfilled my responsibilities ..... until it wasn't necessary anymore. I did REAL good I think! :bliss

God has been so good to me!! I've proven that He can take us through anything and give us the strength and ability to do what we have to do leaning on Him and His word, His people and He does give angels charge over us.

A lot of times we make things harder for ourselves because we don't lean on Him and trust Him the way we should. We don't take advantage of all that He has offered to us and that's our own fault.

People could save themselves a lot of trouble if they'd do like the song says........

"take it to the Lord in prayer!" :)

Many times God offers Godly counseling [through the utilization of a Godly counselor]...there is no need to carry the burden alone.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Felicity]

I am a little stubborn I admit but then stubbornness can be good if it's used the right way. It's bad when we're resisting God's will and way.

Stubbornness and perseverance often go together.

[Rhoni]

I am a little stubborn I admit but then stubbornness can be good if it's used the right way. Stubbornness and perseverance often go together. It's bad when we're resisting God's will and way.

Felicity,

That is so true!:highfive Many of us lose days, weeks, months, and years fighting God when if we would just believe that He is working things to our own good...we would be happier and stress free!

Have a blessed evening...I am going to bed and dream about the great things God is going to do in my life this year!:praying

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[rgcraig]

I am a little stubborn I admit but then stubbornness can be good if it's used the right way. It's bad when we're resisting God's will and way.

Stubbornness and perseverance often go together.I don't doubt this at all, but maybe things could have been unbelievably awesome instead of just good.

I'm not one to promote drugs at all, but if your mind was altered anyway (because of depression), then what you are saying doesn't hold up.

Along with your stubbornness is a bit of pride too (lol).
Nothing wrong with saying you were down and who knows how things "could have been" had you done something differently. It might not have lasted so long.

[Felicity]

I don't doubt this at all, but maybe things could have been unbelievably awesome instead of just good.

I'm not one to promote drugs at all, but if your mind was altered anyway (because of depression), then what you are saying doesn't hold up.

Along with your stubbornness is a bit of pride too (lol).
Nothing wrong with saying you were down and who knows how things "could have been" had you done something differently. It might not have lasted so long.You don't understand and I'm not going into it. :)

My life has been awesome in spite of some great difficulty over the past several years. . Problems, stress, going through tough things is part of life. Nobody is going to live all their life without going through hard things.

My testimony is that God has kept me, spared me, helped me, strengthened me, encouraged me, counseled me, and gave me the enablement to carry out His purpose for my life and all that went with it. I carried out my duties and responsibilities and I did it well while it was necessary.

[rgcraig]

You don't understand and I'm not going into it. :)

I don't and you don't have to.

[Felicity]

I don't and you don't have to.Thank you. :)

[seguidordejesus]

Suiggy peeking in! LOLOL!

[Neck]

Bro. Neckstadt,

This forum was supposed to be an advice column that I was using to sharpen my skills. Many people don't like what I do and what I have studied...psychology. They make it a point to sabatogue my thread [I know I don't own it] First my ex-husband's spouse tried to sabatogue it. Then Chancellor knocks what I do as [secular humanism-doctrine of the devils],; then Coonskinner tries to butt in before I am finished to tell everyone I have a problem with church leadership, then Suiggy pats him on the back and then we get some others posting and the thread isn't what is started out being.

I am tired too. I have considered not posting and getting off the forum...I am working up the fortitude to do that. I have tried hard to minister to a segment of people in our churches who need what I have to say...and I get tired of fighting the battle...

The only one who knows how tired I am is concerned about me and tried her best to help me up...but I know that it is between Jesus and I. I will make the right choice because God is with me.

I am sorry this thread depresses you...it was more meant to help those who may be depressed...anyway...I am sorry that you feel this way.

Sincerely, Rhoni

Rhoni and others. I was asking for your real advice on the entire forum, of which is this website. Not your Thread which is your advice Thread. I enjoy reading all the things you have to say.

So let me word it this way.

I am I getting so depressed reading all the post's and threads on this website?

It just seems like folks are bashing each other.

Just looking to get cheered up!

Nathan Eckstadt

[Neck]

*yawn*

:)

I was taken wrongly. I enjoy Rhoni's Thread. I was saying the entire Website the entire Forum is starting to depress me...

Nathan

[Neck]

maybe you'd be better leave and get some sleep.... :heeheehee

I think I was taken wrongly. I was talking about the entire website the forum not Rhoni/e thread.

Nathan

[Felicity]

Rhoni and others. I was asking for your real advice on the entire forum, of which is this website. Not your Thread which is your advice Thread. I enjoy reading all the things you have to say.

So let me word it this way.

I am I getting so depressed reading all the post's and threads on this website?

It just seems like folks are bashing each other.

Just looking to get cheered up!

Nathan Eckstadt
Nathan .......

Actually the posting that's happening on this forum is pretty easy going compared to some I've seen on the forums that preceded this one. Namely FCF and nFCF. In my opinion the posting here on AFF has been pretty mellow and laid back comparatively speaking. And I have to say that some of the posting happening here right now is some of the best I've seen for quite awhile.

Maybe you just need to take a break - do some reading or whatever. One thing's for sure. Posting here will never take the place of the satisfaction and the lift you get from being in the presence of God and in His Word.

But there is encouragement, fun, laughter, camaraderie of sorts and the "iron sharpening iron" effect to be had if you join in or even just read.

I've laughed out loud at some of the things posted here this evening. Don't lose your sense of humour! :)

[Felicity]

Suiggy peeking in! LOLOL! Hey there Suiggy! How do you like your new nick? :killinme

[Neck]

Nathan .......

Actually the posting that's happening on this forum is pretty easy going compared to some I've seen on the forums that preceded this one. Namely FCF and nFCF. In my opinion the posting here on AFF has been pretty mellow and laid back comparatively speaking. And I have to say that some of the posting happening here right now is some of the best I've seen for quite awhile.

Maybe you just need to take a break - do some reading or whatever. One thing's for sure. Posting here will never take the place of the satisfaction and the lift you get from being in the presence of God and in His Word.

But there is encouragement, fun, laughter, camaraderie of sorts and the "iron sharpening iron" effect to be had if you join in or even just read.

I've laughed out loud at some of the things posted here this evening. Don't lose your sense of humour! :)

I agree. I have started to just read the post and not respond.

Thanks Nathan....

[seguidordejesus]

Hey there Suiggy! How do you like your new nick? :killinme

Makes me feel a little like a puppy, to be honest! ;):bliss

[Felicity]

Makes me feel a little like a puppy, to be honest! ;):blissI've been laughing off and on this evening thinking about your new nick. Can't help it - it's just really funny to me. :heeheehee

[seguidordejesus]

I've been laughing off and on this evening thinking about your new nick. Can't help it - it's just really funny to me. :heeheehee

Are you thinking of it as "swiggy" or "siggy"...I'm thinking the latter.

[stmatthew]

Mood altering...I think I would prefer my mood to be altered from one of depression and inability to concentrate - to one of normalcy and ability to conscentrate and make good decisions for myself. Just my humble opinion.

Blessings, Rhoni

Having worked with a clinical psychiatrist at a children's home, I can assure you that Prozac and the likes were discontinued with the troubled kids that came there. We did not allow drugs of this sort because they altered the thinking process of the children, and clouded their minds during treatment.

Not everyone subscribes to drugs being the answer. Many psychiatrists believe in allowing folks to actually work through their issues, instead of just doping them up.

[Felicity]

Are you thinking of it as "swiggy" or "siggy"...I'm thinking the latter.Former ....... Swiggy ....... :killinme

[chosenbyone]

Thanks, Renda.


That was my understanding as well.

You may have started this thread, but you don't own it. :)

Last time I checked, it was a public forum, and I will therefore post as I see fit, and expect you to do the same.

Say what you like over here, but don't think I won't respond if I take a notion. :)

Nothing personal, Sis, just a matter of principle.

Stuff like this gives counsellors a bad name.

You need to learn to help, if you casn, without subtly undermining the pastor in the process.

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni sees that many here on this forum need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

[Felicity]

Rhonda will be fine. She's used to this and tougher than you think. :)

[stmatthew]

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni will see that many need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

Let me set the record straight here. While it does not bother me for Sis Rhoni to post here, this Forum is not here for her to "find her ministry", or for her to "promote her ministry". If I see that her ministry is causing confusion and/or contention, I will put an end to it here.

[Malvaro]

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni sees that many here on this forum need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

chosenbyone, i'd say that you're outta your league....

Rhoni and CS are perfectly capable of "speaking their minds" as their talk through their differences....

not too many "Under 10 posts" members come out the wood-work to defend Rhoni.... your timing is certainly interesting, to say the least.... you almost sound "Rhonish" a bit yourself :D

[Felicity]

Just want to say .......

I'm quite a bit older than Coonskinner and have been in ministry a lot longer than he has but I would welcome counseling from him and prayer ANY day. In fact he is one of very few I would seek out if I was looking for it.

He's spiritually perceptive, discerning, mature and wise beyond his years and exercises a great deal of common sense and good judgment when it comes to dealing with people and human nature.

Spiritually perceptive and discerning people recognize these qualities in the man and appreciate them. :thumbsup

[chosenbyone]

I apologize if I offended Coon or anyone else here on this forum. Perhaps, I have just a few posts here on this forum, but since I first discovered GNC and now this forum, it has been a touchstone for me. I've spent countless hours reading every post and thread before joining GNC and later AFF.

Many people who are elderly, homebound and/or ill have lost contact with many friends and family and websites such as AFF represents a source of fellowship and connection that many able bodied people take for granted.

Maybe, I'm the one who needs to exit stage left and grab a Good Book to read and spend some time with my Father.

Much blessings...

[revrandy]

I apologize if I offended Coon or anyone else here on this forum. Perhaps, I have just a few posts here on this forum, but since I first discovered GNC and now this forum, it has been a touchstone for me. I've spent countless hours reading every post and thread before joining GNC and later AFF.

Many people who are elderly, homebound and/or ill have lost contact with many friends and family and websites such as AFF represents a source of fellowship and connection that many able bodied people take for granted.

Maybe, I'm the one who needs to exit stage left and grab a Good Book to read and spend some time with my Father.

Much blessings...



Chosenbyone.. Keep on posting your doing fine.. we all can speak our minds here.. rather right or left.. !!!

[Felicity]

I apologize if I offended Coon or anyone else here on this forum. Perhaps, I have just a few posts here on this forum, but since I first discovered GNC and now this forum, it has been a touchstone for me. I've spent countless hours reading every post and thread before joining GNC and later AFF.

Many people who are elderly, homebound and/or ill have lost contact with many friends and family and websites such as AFF represents a source of fellowship and connection that many able bodied people take for granted.

Maybe, I'm the one who needs to exit stage left and grab a Good Book to read and spend some time with my Father.

Much blessings...There's no reason for you to leave sis. I think that perhaps the response to your post will just help you to understand better the way things are. I can assure you Coonskinner will not be offended and neither is anybody else.

Rhonda's gifts and talents are recognized and appreciated by many and she has been free to exercise them both on and off FCF, NFCF, and now AFF. However, it's only natural that not everyone will agree all the time with what she has to say ....... same as she doesn't agree with everything other posters has to say and she is free to express her opinions and does.

Most of us do. That's what an internet forum is all about.

Blessings on you and I hope you stay and enjoy what this forum has to offer in the way of entertainment, making new friends, learning and sharing, etc. :)

[Rhoni]

You don't understand and I'm not going into it. :)

My life has been awesome in spite of some great difficulty over the past several years. . Problems, stress, going through tough things is part of life. Nobody is going to live all their life without going through hard things.

My testimony is that God has kept me, spared me, helped me, strengthened me, encouraged me, counseled me, and gave me the enablement to carry out His purpose for my life and all that went with it. I carried out my duties and responsibilities and I did it well while it was necessary.


Felicity,

You have an awesome testimony, but I assure you that you did nothing...it was Jesus who carried you, as he did me for many years when I was not strong enough to carry myself...and you and I are not so very far apart!

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Rhoni and others. I was asking for your real advice on the entire forum, of which is this website. Not your Thread which is your advice Thread. I enjoy reading all the things you have to say.

So let me word it this way.

I am I getting so depressed reading all the post's and threads on this website?

It just seems like folks are bashing each other.

Just looking to get cheered up!

Nathan Eckstadt

Dear Bro. Neckstadt,

The forum adds to and takes away from. It is a place of uplifting and a place of deflating. It is a place of ministry and a place of abuse. It is a place for humans to explore the human condition, and it is a place where God can minister to that human condition.

Be thou encouraged in the Lord and know thyself...when you need uplifting...go to places on the forum where no controversy exists...just rest. may I suggest Sis. Barb's thread...for peace and rest. My thread is conflictual and also effectual. There are many things happening behind the scenes to make the trouble I deal with publically worth it all.

Be Blessed, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Having worked with a clinical psychiatrist at a children's home, I can assure you that Prozac and the likes were discontinued with the troubled kids that came there. We did not allow drugs of this sort because they altered the thinking process of the children, and clouded their minds during treatment.

Not everyone subscribes to drugs being the answer. Many psychiatrists believe in allowing folks to actually work through their issues, instead of just doping them up.

St. Matthew,

You are right about Prozac, it is not the drug of choice for children. Every person's physiological make-up is different and where one drug may be effective for one it may be harmful for another.

Just FYI..I do NOT prescribe drugs. When I feel it would be beneficial I refer the person to someone who is expertise in this area...a Psychiatrist.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni sees that many here on this forum need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

Dear Chosenbyone,

Bro. Coonskinner has a right to his opinion and he is teaching me to defend myself better through facts and not emotions...he is sharpening me as iron sharpens iron.

There are things on Goodnewscafe.net that I do not post here for obvious reasons, but have been a blessing to others. The threads about being BiPolar and the one on ALzheimers are good threads that have helped many on the other forum and I appreciate your defense of me.

I also agree with BOOMM, Renda, and other ADMINS...this forum is not my forum to minister, but it is our forum to minister and there are many posters who minister also. I did begin this thread with ministry in mind..and it has it's place.

My profession and place of ministry is not accepted by all, and I accept that...but I will not cow down to or buckle under the pressure of those who think God is wrong to use this type of ministry. Some of my favorite preachers have been in similar ministries, one in particular is Rev. Robert Trapani and I respect and admire him immensely. As long as God anoints and has use for me and my ministry...I will serve. I serve God and not man.:praying

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Let me set the record straight here. While it does not bother me for Sis Rhoni to post here, this Forum is not here for her to "find her ministry", or for her to "promote her ministry". If I see that her ministry is causing confusion and/or contention, I will put an end to it here.

St. Matthew,

Many on this forum minister. There will always be controversy regarding the use of counseling and I am sorry if you feel the need to end something you do not approve of. The conflict did not start with me and won't end with me regardless of what you feel you have the authority and power to do. I thought this forum was owned and managed by a group and not one in a unilateral position.:dunno

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

rgcraig
Let's Have Fun! Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Collierville, TN
Posts: 921

What belongs in here

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We'd like to see in this area:

Thad's Tab
Gabby's
Dear Rhoni
Ron's
C2C
Dora's Diaries

That way, if they aren't posted in for a few days, they will always be easy to find.

Get 'em started folks!

I was told I belong in here? As does Malvaro, Barb, Thad, CC1, Dora, and the ladies Gabby thread!

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

chosenbyone, i'd say that you're outta your league....

Rhoni and CS are perfectly capable of "speaking their minds" as their talk through their differences....

not too many "Under 10 posts" members come out the wood-work to defend Rhoni.... your timing is certainly interesting, to say the least.... you almost sound "Rhonish" a bit yourself :D

Don't be silly...I would not post as another on my own thread...this is a dear friend from another forum.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Malvaro]

Don't be silly...I would not post as another on my own thread...this is a dear friend from another forum.

Blessings, Rhoni

I said "you almost sound "Rhonish" a bit yourself " because it seemed that she somehow knew you before (and she did) and a hint of your flair appeared in her posting style....

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

I grew up in a pentecostal home and was called to the ministry at an early age. I had some very unfortunate incidents that occurred when I was young that never seemed to heal until just these last couple of years.

I was molested several times growing up and was rejected by my mother who sent me away at 11. I was fortunate to have some relatives take me in; although, I never had a stable home during those years, I can testify that the majority of my mother's family always showered me with love and continued to encourage me to serve the Lord.

In spite of my early years, I went on to join the military, went to college and have lived a life of security. I've enjoyed preaching and teaching and being apart of a group of young ministers. I have so many wonderful memories of those years.

Things did change when it was known that I followed the call to AIDS/Hospice ministry. Many of my young minister friends didn't understand and I was shunned by most of them. Though the loses were hard, I was even more determined to heed the call of God.

For many years, I have focused on others who were suffering and dying and gave all I had to my ministry.

The irony of it all...

I'm now 40 years old and I have AIDS. For over a year now, I've been losing my battle. I've stopped attending church, because I could no longer hide my illness.

My worse fear was that people would find out about my secret. The one thing that has devastated me the most besides my declining health was knowing that I could never find another church family who would love me. I don't share this with anyone for I know that I would be rejected.

What does someone like me do when there is no one else like me in a church? What am I to do now that I can't hide in a healthy body? Will there ever be a place for me?

Just me

[Rhoni]

Dear Just Me,

This is a multifaceted issue that you have presented here. Because I am at work I may pop in and out of this thread and I want to give utmost care when posting an answer to you. Please be patient with me.

What I understand you to tell me is that you were molested at an early age and because of this was involved in a homosexual lifestyle that you changed when you came to God. You ministered side my side with other ministers, and felt a strong call to work with those who suffer from aids.

Because others were 'turned off', for lack of a better word...by your ministry to those with aids; you found yourself alone in the struggle. While ministering you found out that you had aids, could not hide your past from the scrutiny of your church family, and chose to isolate yourself so as not to be judged.

Am I correct in my paraphrasing of your dilemma? Please notify me in another way than publically on this forum to maintain your anonymity/confidentiality. My e-mail address is: mftrrcyprus@aol.com.

I care, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Just me,

He who abides in the shadow of the almighty, shall take refuge under His wings. [Psa. 91:1, NIV]

You are hidden with Christ in God...[Col. 3:2,3 KJV].

Rest knowing God knows and he loves you no matter what.

Blessings, Rhoni

P.S. I have more to say but will prayerfully weigh my words before posting.

[Fireside]

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.
Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni sees that many here on this forum need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

Sister,

Since you are new here, I will do my best to use all possible care and tenderness in responding to this rebuke.:)

Let's examine a few points...

Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

I have read several thousand of Rhonda's posts. We have had our debates here and there, but it has never been and is not now personal. I disagree with some of her concepts and methodologies. This is, after all, a discussion board and that is what we do--discuss things.

You post it, it is fair game.

You don't get a special "hands off" dispensation where your posts can't be questioned just because you declare it "Ministry."

As for my discernment or lack thereof, feel free to make whatever judgments along that line that you care to.

If I was open about everything I have "discerned" in the last few days around here, it would probably send you and a few others scurrying for the tissue box. :)


Now let's move along to the next installment...

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily.

How can you say this with such certainty? Have you been contacted by "many" of these offended "saints?"

If not, how can you make such an accusation? Discernment?

How many is "many?" Can you give us a number, or is this just accusatory rhetoric?

Onward...

I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

All I can say is, read your Bible more, and psuedo-Apostolic "Dear Abby" columns less. You will find a lot more bluntness from Jesus, Peter, Paul, and the prophets than what I indulged in. Go and learn what that meaneth.

Drumroll please...


How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling?

You are once again making judgments and accusations. Being an accuser of the brethren doesn't put you in great company, but it does give us some clues, and aids in calibration. :)

This forum is not church, and the people here, especially Rhonda, are not coming to me for counsel. You have no clue how I deal with people who come to me for help, and I feel no obligation to defend myself or provide evidence or examples for you. You are on a crusade to defend a friend, and I understand that, so go ahead.


Next:

It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Sheer, unadulterated hyperbolic claptrap masquerading as high drama.

I have no authority here anyway, and don't want it.


Furthermore:

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly.

A friendly tip...when you are trying to judge and label someone as ungodly, don't precede it by a qualifying quasi-apology. It makes you appear indecisive and lessens the impact of your proclamation.

It would have been so much more impressive had you just simply said, "I pray I have said enough to make you realize that you are one ungodly dude."


Good one here...

A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

I pray daily for wisdom; I'll let Rhonda have the patients.

Finally, brethren...

I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.

None of us want Rhonda to leave, including me.

Have a nice day.

[Falla39]

I said "you almost sound "Rhonish" a bit yourself " because it seemed that she somehow knew you before (and she did) and a hint of your flair appeared in her posting style....


What makes one think ChoseninOne is a "she"!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Fireside]

I apologize if I offended Coon or anyone else here on this forum. Perhaps, I have just a few posts here on this forum, but since I first discovered GNC and now this forum, it has been a touchstone for me. I've spent countless hours reading every post and thread before joining GNC and later AFF.

Many people who are elderly, homebound and/or ill have lost contact with many friends and family and websites such as AFF represents a source of fellowship and connection that many able bodied people take for granted.

Maybe, I'm the one who needs to exit stage left and grab a Good Book to read and spend some time with my Father.

Much blessings...

Sister,

You did not even get anywhere close to offending me, so please put your mind at ease on that issue.

[Rhoni]

Finally, brethren...


Quote:
I would feel a great sense of loss if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum. Chosenbyone

None of us want Rhonda to leave, including me.

Have a nice day. CS

Thank-you both. I am waiting for a response from JUST Me. This is a very senstive issue and there is a dear person hanging in the balance. Prayer warriors...please pray right now.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

While I am waiting, I would like to say that I have a friend who works with Singles in UPCI. We read a book about "The Forgotten Harvest", and the need for ministry in the area of homosexuality and aids victims. Please refrain from comments about this topic because I do not want to see this person hurt. I appreciate your sensitivity in this issue.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Just me,

You have been very brave to make yourself vulnerable in this situation. You have been through a lot of very difficult circumstances in your life and retained the desire and ability to minister to others. This is a positive strength you possess.

You stated that when you chose to minister in the area of Hospice to those who were dying of AIDS, that your ministering friends turned their backs on you. Please understand that the area of ministry you were in is not easily understood by the world, much less the church. Some of this due to ignorance of how Aids can be contracted and many times a person is afraid that just breathing the air or touching the hand of someone with aids could infect them, and most of us want to go to heaven but few of us truly want to die. We don't want to die, because just like in the contracting of aids...we are unaware of what this really means because we have never experienced it before. When things are not understood it brings fear of the unknown.

With this in mind...please forgive your friends for not understanding or accepting your ministry. I believe that we may have a bit in common in this area;)!

AS for your church family, I have to ask you this, "Did you give them the opportunity to minister to you?" many times a church family rallies around a person in need and I just wonder if you gave them the opportunity, or have you isolated yourself out of fear?

I have had friends who have died of aids. Some have died lost and unrepentent of their lifestyle of sin, while others were repentant, forgiven by God and the church, restored and died safe in the arms of God and in the bosom of their church family. There are good people of God who would like to minister to your needs while you go through this time of crisis.

One thing is for sure...God is there and will be with you to the end..and beyond.

Blessings, Rhoni

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Ok, I am confused, do you get PM to generate these letters, or email?

I know someone who NEEDS therapy very badly. Where do I send him?

[Rhoni]

Ok, I am confused, do you get PM to generate these letters, or email?

I know someone who NEEDS therapy very badly. Where do I send him?

BOOMM,

Sometimes I get them through the PM and sometimes through e-mail. I worry about PM because others can see when someone is PM'ing. I truly try my best to provide anonymity and confidentiality. I hope this helps.

Blessings, Rhoni

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

BOOMM,

Sometimes I get them through the PM and sometimes through e-mail. I worry about PM because others can see when someone is PM'ing. I truly try my best to provide anonymity and confidentiality. I hope this helps.

Blessings, Rhoni

:dunno No one can read PM except you.

Relax.

[Tina]

The only thing anyone can see regarding the PM system is on the Active user list, it shows where someone is on the forum. It will simply say "Private messaging" by a users name if they are reading, or writing a Private message.

I never did really understand why that was even available anyway. Who CARES what thread someone is reading, or if they are reading their PM box or whatever...

[rgcraig]

:dunno No one can read PM except you.

Relax.
True, but she means if they look, they can see who is pm'ing her.

[Tina]

No, it doesn't tell WHO you are sending a PM to... it just says that you are "Private messaging"

[Tina]

No, it doesn't tell WHO you are sending a PM to... it just says that you are "Private messaging"

Hmmm... I stand corrected. I see now where it DOES show a user ID that you are "creating a PM" to. I learned something today. I never did see that on there before....

[rgcraig]

Hmmm... I stand corrected. I see now where it DOES show a user ID that you are "creating a PM" to. I learned something today. I never did see that on there before....

Well, not sure. I know you can because you are admin.

However, I thought it did show the name to non-admin folks too. Someone care to let us know.

[revrandy]

Rhoni...

The fact your displaying things here somewhat bothers me.. as a Minister it is my duty to keep things extremely confidential and yet you are sharing what people are writing you in confidence online whether you are using real names or not..

Did you ask for their permission to share their stories online?

It seems to me this is a breach of confidence unless you have recieved their permission to reprint them online..

[Tina]

Well, not sure. I know you can because you are admin.

However, I thought it did show the name to non-admin folks too. Someone care to let us know.

I tested it. It does NOT show a regular member ID a name of who you are sending a PM to. It only does that on an ADMIN ID.

But I can guarantee, I'm not gonna spend my time sitting with my computer showing that page, and constantly refreshing it to know who is PMing who. :D

[rgcraig]

I tested it. It does NOT show a regular member ID a name of who you are sending a PM to. It only does that on an ADMIN ID.

But I can guarantee, I'm not gonna spend my time sitting with my computer showing that page, and constantly refreshing it to know who is PMing who. :D

Exactly!

[Chan]

People could save themselves a lot of trouble if they'd do like the song says........

"take it to the Lord in prayer!" :)Instead of relying on some worldly philosophy that gets them to focus on themselves and blame their problems on someone else.

[Chan]

Coonskinner,

This dear sister was operating her ministry on this thread and you were totally out of line. Perhaps, if you'd stop and actually read many of her posts and threads on this forum and on GNC, you would have the "discernment" to recognize MINISTRY!

In fact, my dear brother, you offended not only a dear sister, but many of the saints that need this type of counseling and read it daily. I'm never this blunt with someone who I consider a child of God: Perhaps, it's something you should practice as well.

How many people did you try to set "right" with your misquided, unlearned practices of counseling? It makes me tremble to think that a man in authority would go to such extremes to damage another saint.

Perhaps, I've said too much, but I pray that enough was said to make you see that your actions were ungodly. A Shephard who would leads his sheep without wisdom and patients finds his sheep wondering off into a world that wouldn't care for them.

Sis. Rhoni cares about the sheep of our loving and graciouis Jesus Christ of Nazareth by the guidance of His Spirit. I trust that Sister Rhoni sees that many here on this forum need to hear the wisdom of God in her counseling. I would feel a great sense of lost if Sister Rhoni would discontinue her ministry and due place on the forum.Being a practitioner of a worldly philosophy like psychology is not ministry!

[Felicity]

Instead of relying on some worldly philosophy that gets them to focus on themselves and blame their problems on someone else.I read something a few weeks ago where some Christian counselors/therapist/psychotherapists/whatever you call them ... that profession ...... were turning their backs on a lot of the stuff they were taught.

Wish I could come up with the article. I should have saved it when I had it in hand.

[Chan]

I read something a few weeks ago where some Christian counselors/therapist/psychotherapists/whatever you call them ... that profession ...... were turning their backs on a lot of the stuff they were taught.

Wish I could come up with the article. I should have saved it when I had it in hand.I'm not familiar with the article. What I find interesting is something Dr. Jay E. Adams, author of such books as Competent to Counsel, says:

"In my opinion, advocating, allowing and practicing psychiatric and psychoanalytical dogmas within the church is every bit as pagan and heretical (and therefore perilous) as propagating the teachings of some of the most bizarre cults. The only vital difference is that the cults are less dangerous because their errors are more identifiable."

I wish more of the practitioners of that worldly philosophy would give up their deception and see psychology for the error that it is.

[Rhoni]

Rhoni...

The fact your displaying things here somewhat bothers me.. as a Minister it is my duty to keep things extremely confidential and yet you are sharing what people are writing you in confidence online whether you are using real names or not..

Did you ask for their permission to share their stories online?

It seems to me this is a breach of confidence unless you have recieved their permission to reprint them online..


Rev Randy...I am extremely professional and have their written permission of course. I appreciate your concern but I am, if nothing else, very professional!

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

True, but she means if they look, they can see who is pm'ing her.


Exactly!:ty

Blessings, Rhoni

[Malvaro]

Instead of relying on some worldly philosophy that gets them to focus on themselves and blame their problems on someone else.

I bet you are mad that your parents messed up your mind so bad.... but it wasn't your fault, you are just a product of your environment....:killinme

[Rhoni]

I read something a few weeks ago where some Christian counselors/therapist/psychotherapists/whatever you call them ... that profession ...... were turning their backs on a lot of the stuff they were taught.

Wish I could come up with the article. I should have saved it when I had it in hand.

I only use what is in Biblical alignment...so relax Chan..and everyone else...:praying

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I'm not familiar with the article. What I find interesting is something Dr. Jay E. Adams, author of such books as Competent to Counsel, says:

"In my opinion, advocating, allowing and practicing psychiatric and psychoanalytical dogmas within the church is every bit as pagan and heretical (and therefore perilous) as propagating the teachings of some of the most bizarre cults. The only vital difference is that the cults are less dangerous because their errors are more identifiable."

I wish more of the practitioners of that worldly philosophy would give up their deception and see psychology for the error that it is.

And just how old is that book? I read it in 1975...but you need to get a life Chan:tease

[Rhoni]

I bet you are mad that your parents messed up your mind so bad.... but it wasn't your fault, you are just a product of your environment....:killinme


:killinme :killinme :killinme :killinme :killinme :killinme

[Chan]

And just how old is that book? I read it in 1975...but you need to get a life Chan:teaseI didn't say he made the quoted statement in the book I cited, I simply said he was the author of such books as Competent to Counsel (a book with which many Christians are at least somewhat familiar) - he has written other books since then.

You seem to object to the age of Competent to Counsel (as if to say its age alone makes it invalid): well, how old are the 66 books of the Bible?

[Chan]

I bet you are mad that your parents messed up your mind so bad.... but it wasn't your fault, you are just a product of your environment....:killinmeHaving nothing constructive to say, Malvaro once again resorts to personal attacks.

[Malvaro]

Having nothing constructive to say, Malvaro once again resorts to personal attacks.

Chance, you are just jealous that I made a witty comment and you didn't have a comeback... hehehe :tease

don't worry, we all still love you :highfive

[Chan]

Chance, you are just jealous that I made a witty comment and you didn't have a comeback... hehehe :tease

don't worry, we all still love you :highfiveThere was nothing even remotely witty about your comment.

[Malvaro]

There was nothing even remotely witty about your comment.

thats because you don't have a sense of humor, but its not your fault.... :heeheehee

Chance, do you think it would be a good to talk about the root of your defensiveness? Rhoni might be able to talk you through those feelings.... :D

[Chan]

thats because you don't have a sense of humor, but its not your fault.... :heeheeheeWell, the Bible does prohibit foolish jesting.

[Malvaro]

Chance, I'm glad that you have been willing to talk about what you are feeling.... they say that the acknowledgement of a problem is the the first step to recovery.... I'm proud of you for making that first step....

i know this may be difficult for you, but try to think back to the earliest recollection of someone saying that you didn't have a sense of humor.... what thoughts went through your mind? what feelings did you have? were you happy/sad/embarressed/etc....

I know that lacking a sense of humor would trouble alot of people but we, here at Dear Rhoni's Thread, are here to help you past that to a point of victory....

if you'd like, we could even offer you some recommended reading material....