The good folks over at the abuse website would finish the job of of convincing you to never trust a preacher again.

Lois is a sincere and well-meaning person, and we have been cordial with one another, but I believe her site does much more harm than good. That is not her intent, but I believe it is the case.

JaneEyre...

One of the best tools the enemy of our soul has is hurt and bitterness. It's probably his best weapon and he uses it at every opportunity. I know people who've left church and never returned, never got back to God but took their bitterness to the grave. Oh how well that weapon works for the enemey.

Matthew 18, Jesus discusses offences and He shows us how He is pretty ticked off when someone offends another...

"Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!"

Proverbs 18:19 says a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city... if you hurt or alienate someone... if you cause a root of bitterness in them... it's a pile of work to win them back. And some never are won back.

That's why Paul said
Romans 14:21
It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

Basically, even if something is your right, you should lay aside your right to do as you please, so as not to offend someone and cause them to stumble and lose out with God.

Jesus takes this very seriously... because he knows how hurts and wounds can cause callouses and walls to be built up... hearts to harden so they won't be hurt again. Thus hardening toward the very one who gave his life for them.

Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

I think that hurts and offences are the enemy's best weapon... and I'm positive he knows it.

It sounds to me like you've not turned your back on the Lord, but the willingness to trust man again is what you're dealing with.

I think you need to get back to church for certain... because the Bible says we should get together with our brothers and sisters and uplift one another even more as we see His coming draw closer. It's for our own good that God wants his people to fellowship and edify one another.

If there is another church nearby that you can attend, I would make every effort. I do think that you would be better served to steer clear of the harsh website that my fellow poster suggested... it was his suggestion to you because it fits his own agenda... I don't think it will be helpful but may harm.

There's healing in the Lord... I know this from experience.

I, like you, won't go into details on a public forum but I know all about offences and hurt in the church. What we must always remember in our own personal pain, is that God is not a man that He should lie... He's not the one that let you down or did you wrong or smeared your name... He's the one who will take care of the offender... and it's up to you to guard yourself against becoming bitter and allowing the offender to steal even more from you.

I've heard it said that we can allow a person who has hurt us, to hurt us again and again by harbouring anger and unforgiveness. Secular Psychologist will talk about that in therapy sessions. How much more should the Christian forgive. (I'm not saying trust the person.. but forgive)

It was said before, and is so very true... A person should have to earn your trust.. and there is nothing wrong with guarding yourself from mankind hurting you.
But at the same time, for the sake of your own self and maybe others who are watching your life (family, children, friends, co-workers) get yourself back to a church and lift those hands and live in the Joy of the Lord.

You're never alone.

Thanks for all your comments. I have to believe that healing will come.

The wounds will heal when you forgive. Ask Jesus how His wounds healed.

"Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing."

And what does trusting a preacher mean to you coonskinner?

Dear Jane,

Rebuilding trust takes time. Have you went to those who offended you and discussed the situation with them to fully understand? If you have, with no resolution, then the best thing you can do is to detach from the assembly, make a conscious effort to forgive them, and then look for another place of worship.

What you must be careful about is placing blame on God for the humanness of individual saints or pastors. God has always loved you and forgiven you. God does not control other people's actions to make our lives more 'pleasant'. What he does is sustain us when we feel alone, mistreated, misunderstood, and abandoned.

You can choose to stay 'hurt' or you can take control back from them and live your life to the fullest. We are not in control of other's behaviors and feeling, but we must be of our own.

Trusting God is a given. Trusting man is as much our responsibility as the other person. You should learn healthy boundaries and who it is and isn't safe to trust. Just because a person has a place of authority or a title does not mean they are trustworthy...

Make a list of attributes you look for in a close friend and see how you can apply this to other relationships as a measure. Don't forget to look inward and see what you did or have done to contribute to the problem and resolve your own issues before making judgements about others.

Blessings, Rhoni

Dear Jane,

Healing is a choice. Choose to resolve it by going to the person. If it can't be resolved...choose to forgive and go on with your life. Their life may or may not be affected by your feelings, but why give them any control and it is zap your spirit. Do the best thing for you...forgive and when it comes up again in your mind...remind yourself that you have forgiven and go on.:scripture

Blessings, Rhoni

Rhoni,

You have ministered to my spirit today. Thank you!

Thank-you. You'll never know how much I needed your affirmation. We had an awesome service this morning and my Pastor and His Wife ministered to me in a special way. God has a plan, and he can use what the devil means to destroy us, to make us strong for battle:):scripture I leave you with this...

*Be not weary in well diong, for you will reap if you faint not*

Blessings, Rhoni

Good post Sister.

A lot of truth here.