Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

We pastored a woman whose ex-husband was a child molestor (he molested their daugher for years) I think she just about lost her mind over the whole thing--but she still wanted to be with him---she was angry at him and still loved him! I didnt get it either.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I'll never understand mothers who love themselves more than their own children. That is pure selfishness and very sick. *gag*

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

Good words!

That goes for Dads too!!!! No body should love themselves more than they love their kids!!! That is the bottom line cause JTullock says so.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

Just want to say: AMEN!

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

She had real problems, and there wasnt anything anyone could say to her. It was very tragic. She was very angry over what happened to her daughter, and I think that is why she left him in the first place. But then she would have these moments of still wishing the marriage worked out.

It was too weird and I agree *gag*

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I understand what you are saying, but really has society got any better since it has become a common thing to open everything up for everyone hear.....I don't think so, it still waxes worse and worse. Just when we think we hear about the most horrible thing that could happen something else takes its place. We can learn to teach our children without broadcasting to everyone about it. The more stuff like this is talked about the less it disturbs us and the more normal things become that used to really distress us. We are being destroyed by our craving for information. We are bombarded with stuff 24/7 and we still want more. Yet we still seek to be in the know even to our own detriment. I am talking about myself as well.

Take a situation that is relevant this week. How much more tolerable has Lanny Wolfe become in some ranks. Years ago, you would have never heard of him singing on anyone's platform. Now, he is promoted as if nothing ever happened. Do I believe in forgivenss, yes! God is the only one who can forget so let's not kid ourselves. If he was truly repentant he would be satisfied to be a church janitor intead of wanting to be in the limelight again. But, my point is, do you see how tolerable we have become? Sickening!

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I'm sorry, but I disagree with you on this. I think it's IMPERATIVE that people talk about abuse comfortably & openly; especially parents... especially to and around our children. Children suffer in silence because of fear - because of being afraid to discuss the unmentionable words/subjects that are never talked about. If children knew that they could go to their parents and speak aloud the dreaded words "sex," "penis," and all the other "bad" words, without their parents *gasping*, then abuse could be stopped early rather than the child having to continue suffering in silence.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I am not talking about not educating our children about life and the perils that they must watch out for. I am all for having an open door policy to our children to discuss things such as the things they should know and be aware of. A parent that spends time with their children will get to know their child and be able to watch for signs that are warning lights. There is way to little parent/child quality time going on.
I am talking about the tabloid type news that seems to gain so much interest, with others chiming in about their experiences.
Take it to God in prayer. He has the answer to EVERY problem. He knows what we go thru He created us!

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

So we should tell our kids it's okay to talk to us about these issues, but we shouldn't talk to other adults about the same? I disagree.

I'm not saying that's all we (adults) should talk about -- but I think parents should feel comfortable discussing these types of subjects/issues, with other parents, in front of/around our children. Kids should SEE that their parents really are open to having these types of discussions. They should see & hear that we can handle such discussions. If it's never discussed, or only talked about privately, quietly, & kept hush-hush, believe me, our kids will get the message that it shouldn't be brought up.

Edited to add: Yes, of course, we should take it to God in prayer [as well]. I agree.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

Well, I don't think I have become more tolerant of it personally, every time I find out something that I really would rather not know, I die a little inside.

But I don't think it has gotten worse really, I think it is just more visible because finally people are doing something about it and not turning a blind eye.

Two of my best friends growing up were molested as children, in both cases nothing was done to the perpetrators, it was hushed up by the families. These were church people.

Both of those girls has suffered long term consequences of the molestations and even more, the pain of nobody doing anything about it.

Both have had many, many problems in their lives that stem back to this.

I have to believe (well, I know) that if two of my closest friends lived this, there were many more unheard victims.

As far as the Lanny Wolfe thing, I don't have any answers to that. Has it been established that he ever admitted to anything? If not, I guess it would be up to the individual churches who are using him to make a decision about what they believe about him. I don't know what to say about it.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I disagree with you, MrsBOOMM. I think we need to have open discussions about these things. Some things thrive in darkness and this is one of them. People are fearful to speak up, either because others will think badly of them, or because they are embarrassed, or simply because they are too uncomfortable because its a "taboo" topic.

When we say things like "Take it to God in prayer"--that sounds very noble, but we effectively end conversation and communication, because we are letting others know that it is inappropriate to discuss this with anyone but God--and that isn't the case.

Families can discuss things and listen to one another, and we're supposed to be family.

We shouldn't avoid topics simply because they embarrass us or make us uncomfortable.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I think you are right about this. And I agree, much prayer is needed about it.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I am not saying that there is never a situation that warrants us talking to another adult. There are those times when we need a listening ear. However we must be careful how much info we feed to our kids. Kids are kids and many of them know way to much info before they are old enough to process it. Kids have been made to grow up way to fast emotionally. I thank God that my parents did not let everything hang out to dry in our home. There are things that I have found out as an adult that could have been very much to my detriment had I had this knowledge as a kid. Things are discussed way to openly in front of children.....just my opinion.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I agree with this as well, while we may be more aware now, I fear that some people allow their lives to get so busy that they are not paying attention to what is going on with their kids.

I know of a few situations where I firmly believe that the parents did not want to know or have to admit what was going on. That is just horrifying to me.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

This is true, but I think you also should be sooo thankful that nothing occurred in your life that would have forced this knowledge on you.

I had a very sheltered childhood as well, and I thank God for it, but many,many children are not so lucky.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

Maybe, I am not conveying what I am really thinking. I think that there should be an environment created where people who have problems can voice them in the right setting. It is very wrong for kids to be violated and no one ever being dealt with about it. Yes, that is definitely wrong. I believe in a family kids should know just what they need to do if they are violated. In a church setting there should be procedures in place and it should be known what the process is if a person is violated. There should be safeguards in place so that it cannot happen that a person...child or adult would get to a place where he/she has no one to turn to in that kind of crisis. My heart does ache for situations like the ones you describe and the ones I am aware of. I still think that we can make our children and others aware of the steps they should follow should they need to without allowing so much tabloid talk that winds its way into our everyday life.
I am a firm believer in being able to take everything to God in prayer. When we do and we don't get the answer we sometimes are tempted to go to a person to find out what they would say, aren't we telling God that we no longer have faith in Him or no longer want to wait on Him. I am not saying we never go to another person, but God does know our every step and can direct us in any situation. It is possible that he could direct us to go to another person.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

I don't think it's enough to make our children & others aware of the steps they should follow should they need to... I think it's vital to the safety of our children that we are ALL very comfortable discussing these issues OPENLY with nearly anybody. Stats are: 1 in 4 girls & 1 in 6 boys. What we are currently doing to stop abuse apparently isn't working. So what, then, WILL work? IMHO, TALKING frequently, openly, and comfortably about it... I'd go so far as to say that we need to discuss it as if it were the weather. I don't mean to say that we should not take it seriously; but we should be just that open, IMO.

We've all, as parents, told our children about these issues; what to do, the dangers, etc. And we all seem to think we know the "signs." However, our kids are STILL being abused. Why? We're doing something wrong.

Unfortunately, this is life. Many children are being sexually abused, molested, raped, etc. It's happening! Right now - it's happening. We have to do more.

When I take these issues to the Lord, my prayer is that I can be a mom who makes it clear to my children that they can say all of the words necessary to tell me if anything happens to them. I also pray that I can be an adult that ANY child would feel comfortable coming to, if need be. I don't think I can be that person unless I'm heard talking about the issues in a relaxed & comfortable manner. (Yes, I agree that the setting should be appropriate.)

I guess I'm rambling; but this is an important topic.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

This brings to mind a something my brother told me the other day, it is humorous but it highlights what you are saying here.

His 8 year old daughter (my only, and most favorite niece) came to him recently crying, and said she felt really bad. She said that she had said two bad words that day and felt really bad. (in actuality, you would probably chuckle if I told you what the words are).

My brother just told her that we make mistakes sometimes and asked her if she wanted to pray with him. (she said she was embarrased to tell God, lol!)

My correlation is that if my brother hadn't already set the stage by having open dialog with his kids and making them completely comfortable sharing their deepest secrets, my niece probably wouldn't have admitted that to him.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

TRFrance, I'm not a doctor so I'm certainly not BC's doctor- but there are medical conditions where the patient is advised to never fast. If you've ever tried to rouse someone from a diabetic coma you'd know why.

I don't think there's much to be gained speculating about the man's teaching concerning his own health condition. I've never known him to try and "lord it over" anyone else- so I've always figured he deserves a break whenever I can give him one. If there's a specific point about his teachings that you question, bring it up for discussion.

Re: Pregnant at 16 by her pastor!
 

If I were her father he might want to consider suicide.