Originally Posted by Michael Phelps
(Post 670278)
Thank you, Madame Prosecutor, once again, your eloquence and articulation is second to none.
Your honor, I thank you for the opportunity to refute these baseless charges and prove to the jury that I am not guilty of the things my esteemed colleague has alleged in this case.
1.) My worthy opponent has postulated that I am twisting scripture to play a "gotcha game" with her.
However, upon closer inspection, one will discover that I in no way implied that she was my enemy, I am merely quoting the Word of God to myself, which was an attempt to encourage myself during this arduous journey, when at times, as we all do, I stumble and fall. There will always be those to rejoice at our fumbles and foibles, and from time to time, it serves one well to repeat the encouraging words of Micah to one's self to provide motivation to arise and continue on the journey.
I will post the forever settled words of Paul as he states with fervor in Hebrews 4:12:
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
I would present to this esteemed court that I had no intention of harming anyone with the word, but the word in and of itself is a sharp and twoedged sword which cuts to the very inner core of one's soul and if allowed to, can cut out the bitterness, guilt and condemnation which so obviously is eating my astute sister alive!
Your honor, I say, don't point the accusatory finger at me, if one must point a finger, point it at the word of God!
2.) She has accused me of beating my breast, publicly, and proclaiming myself to be above common man!
Come on, this is a no-brainer! Why else would I arbitrarily use the word "whilst" unless I was under the anointing? This is not a word I would generally use in a sentence, and so when it comes upon me, and I start saying "unbeknownst, whilst, saith, and 'ere'" I know I'm anointed, and so it stands to reason that I'm much more spiritual than those who say "Y'all, you guys, huh, and yep".
3.) The prosecutor has introduced a witness that was not mentioned in pre-trial, a Ms. Margie S.
Number one, this is against the rules, and this witness should be thrown out of the court. Well, not literally - she should be encouraged to walk out on her own. But, if she refuses - THROW HER OUT!
Number two, I have known Margie for a very long time, and in all these years have never really known her to be that mentally stable. I think she was dropped on her head at an early age, or something, but she sees things that aren't there, and makes up all kinds of stories about people that really aren't true. And, if she says anything about me and a television set, it's NOT TRUE, and I object in advance.
WHAT???? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, throw this man out. He has committed perjury! He's LIED on the stand!
For shame, Mike. For shame!
Other than that, she's a really nice lady.
4.) The prosecutor-ess has stated that I admitted to my own senility.
That's my fault. I thought "senile" meant smooth, suave and debonair. My bad. I retract.
5.) And finally, she has indicated that the mere fact that I play golf, and was elated over my new set of Taylormade R-7 irons, 4 iron thru gap wedge, makes me a carnal, shallow man!
I will have you know that Jesus must have played golf, because he was always mentioned "drawing" in the scripture. From these statements, I can deduce that Jesus must have had a strong left grip, and didn't slice the ball.
So, in closing, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think we can all plainly see that I am right and she is wrong.
I will forgive her of this gross mischaracterization of my intents, for it is in my very nature to do good to those who despitefully use me.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the court - I rest my case.
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