An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Had an old Bible school classmate contact me after 28 years wanting to meet with me as he was passing through town. A nice gesture, I thought. I'm a people person, happy to meet just about anybody, and certainly happy to meet folks from my past who take the time to look me up.

I had a lengthy phone conversation with him kind of bringing him up to date on my life. I was honest about some of the setbacks and challenges over the last 6-7 years which included divorce and the fallout of such. He seemed to be listening and sympathetic.

Later as I was driving to meet this "friend", a true, long time friend of mine called me and warned me to NOT meet this person. This person had called my good friend and was asking lots of questions and saying disparaging things about me based on my transparency with him earlier. My good friend said "I wouldn't give him the time of day. He is planning to read you the riot act and call into question what you've done and the direction you are going. He is making assumptions based on your conversation with him without knowing anything about you the past 28 years." He had called me a backslider, compromiser, part of the "great falling away", judging my actions and motives even though he only knew the tidbit of things I shared with him in an hour long phone conversation.

I was stunned. I had time to drive and think. I felt like the Lord said to me "show him a more excellent way." So I decided to meet him. He was with his family at a restaurant. I was limited on time because I had appointments with my work and then an hour drive to pick up my daughter for her high school soccer game. I had warned him ahead of time I couldn't meet for long.

I walked in, saw them, went straight to them and smiled, hugged his neck, complimented on how well he looked after all of these years, met his young adult children, asked his wife about her father's health, made small talk. Then I got a phone call from my boss and walked away. After a few minutes a came back and the family was gone. He had shooed them off into the gift shop at the restaurant. Now it was just the two of us.

He motioned for me to step into a party room dining area that was unoccupied. We began talking more. I talked about God's goodness to me in spite of me and the difficulties of the past several years. He interrupted me. He talked about how much he appreciated my friendship during our Bible school years. He told me he had always kept up with where I was and what I was doing. Then he looked off into the distance, I guess trying to segue into his rebuke. He said "I have so much I want to say to you." I said "I'm sorry, but I don't have time. I really have to go. I cannot be late for my daughter. She would be very disappointed. She's counting on me to be there." He sighed. He said "you're right." I told him he could call me and we could talk some more if he wished. He said he would like to do that. He concluded with "I guess in the end I came all of this way to let you know...I love you." He was choking back tears saying it. I smiled and told him I loved him too. Then he embraced me fully and held me (awkward) and then proceeded to pray SUPER LOUD blessings and restoration and other good things for my life and ministry. Prying away from the too-long hug, I thanked him, walked out to the gift shop, told his family goodbye and headed out of the restaurant.

I saved his number in my phone. I'm still waiting for that phone call. I wonder if it will ever come? I will be happy to share with this man God's grace, the gospel of Jesus, the freedom that comes with a life in Christ, the fallacy of legalism, the joy of being secure in my salvation because of what Jesus has done for me, and the good place I am in now, with so many of the trials I have endured behind me.

No man can pluck me from God's hands. No one can steal my joy. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. No railing accusation will define who I am.

All that I am and ever hope to be---I owe it all to the One who saved me.

So, my AFF friends, if you are on the receiving end of being judged and accused of backsliding because you have progressed from your roots and background, kill em with kindness. If you are on the other end accusing, judging, deciding who is saved and who isn't---if you are truly in the right and what you believe is truth---love those back into the fold if you really want to influence them to "come home". Lining someone up---especially after years of little to no contact, with no investment in a relationship with them probably won't be readily received.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Aren't you judging this man for supposedly judging you?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Did I miss something, or did your longtime friend give you bad information?

Sounds like a good friend.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Being nice to his face while ridiculing him on an online forum. Glad you showed him a better way! :clap

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

This is supposed to be a victory?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Deacon Blues, thank you for sharing your heart. I think that some who are ridiculing you for how you handled this are missing the whole point!!!! In response to some of the comments:

1) I don't think that the second friend gave you bad info. I think that your "heaping coals of fire" on your friend's head caused him to re-think what he was going to say to you.

2) I don't think you were "ridiculing" him on this forum. I think this was a testimony to loving people where they are in their journey. Your kindness to him obviously touched him and made him re-think what he wanted to say to you.

3) YES! It is a "victory." It is a victory that the two could meet and have some fellowship without one or the other trying to convert the other one to his way of thinking.

4) I don't see Deacon judging anyone!!! I see him willing to meet a friend who has a different viewpoint than his own and allowing God to lead and guide him in how to act.

Again, Deacon, thank you for sharing your heart! I will sometimes pop in to see what is going on. It was a treat to see your name and read your post. May God continue to lead and guide you. May He be very real and close to you in a special way today!

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Did Deacon find out from the horse' mouth that his friend had wanted to meet him to express a concern for his soul? Or was that just hearsay from some tale-bearer?

Sounds to me that - based on what Deacon posted here - Deacon just ASSUMED his old friend was out to 'judge' him, and 'condemn' him, and rant and rave against all Deacon's backsliding worldliness blah blah blah.

Never mind the following facts:

1. Someone who expresses concern over another person's walk with God, enough to speak to them and talk to them and ask them questions and pray for them etc, is apparently a legalistic (backslidden? unsaved?) condemning Pharisee bogey-man type. YET,

2. Someone who feels another is backslidden and lost and does nothing but avoid them and say nothing is ALSO considered mean, unkind, unloving, judgmental, confused, twisted, wrong, spiritually abusive, blah blah blah. THEREFORE, it seems that -

3. The only people genuinely right with God are people who don't care about others' walk with the Lord, who never confront to the person what they believe is error, and who instead just talk about others' behind their backs (online) making sly judgments and insinuations about their spiritual health.

Unless it is a 'conservative type' doing those things, then of course it's just bad bad bad, because we all know that Christians who believe things like Hollywood entertainment and jewelry and makeup and women dressing like men and wearing makeup or dressing like ho's or men being effeminate or whatever it may be is wrong are just bad bad bad to begin with, no matter what they do, bless their little hearts.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Deacon Blues, you are awesome! Thanks for sharing.

I have no doubt that the guy was sincere in feeling he was doing the Lord's work by needing to talk and "shake things up" for you. Although, an ambush strategy is not effective. He simply does not have enough friendship equity to pull it off.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Thank you SP. I was hoping at least someone would understand what I was trying to communicate.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

My longtime friend is my best friend. He is still in the UPC. I trust him wholeheartedly. My best friend would not be making things up and leading me astray. We talk several times a week and have for the last 30 years. Originally the Bible school classmate was just going to show up without a phone call or forewarning. I'm thankful that the Lord gave me an opportunity to prepare my approach to this man. Otherwise it is very likely that I would have sinned and given him a piece of my mind.

I agree that the Bible school classmate was sincere yet ignorant. While I was working he stopped by the church to look at our building. A prayer group that meets weekly at our church happened to be there. He joined them in prayer and one of the ladies present said in his loud praying he made it very obvious that he thought I was in bad shape and that our church was in a bad place.

The Bible says he that wins souls is wise. Even if your doctrine is flawless if your methods are foolish, you won't win anyone.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Seems to me like your friend really was sincere. I'm glad you did take
the time out of your busy schedule to meet with him after all those years. :)

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

There's nothing like old friends. A real friend loveth at all times. A real friend has your back when they feel that you might get ambushed using the facade of "caring for your soul"!

He that winneth souls is wise. Something tells me that if you ever went back to "ole-time Pentecost", it would be thru your life-long friend, not a bible school friend that you hadn't seen in 30 years.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

I was trying to Retweet your comments. LOL!

:thumbsup:thumbsup

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Amen!

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

If you had received that warning phone call from a trusted friend, would you have rebuked him for tale bearing?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

I concur.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

For the life of me I do not get why some here are putting you down. I appreciate your maturity in Christ.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

I don't have friends who suggest my other friends are up to no good.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Can you share where the Bible says that being concerned about a brother who has "changed" and expressing that in prayer for the "changed" brother is ignorant, foolish, or unwise and is to be avoided because it will cause the "changed" brother (or others) to be lost?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

my same thoughts on that seventh paragraph!

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Let's say an old friend looks you up. You share with him briefly concerning your conviction about house church. He asks to meet with you. Then you get a call from a mutual friend saying that this same guy called him and bad mouthed you and said he planned to straighten you out for defying God's authority in your life by not having a "covering".

How would you handle that differently than the original poster?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Deacon,

I am going to be in Memphis on a short business trip sometime in the next three weeks and I am hoping to meet you to rebuke you and straighten you out! I really enjoyed the last time a year or two ago (I lose track of time).

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

1. I seriously doubt I would be 'blind sided' by the 'old friend'. And if he did try to straighten me out, so called, I'd simply discuss with him the issues and we'd have a bible study and prayer together.

2. I doubt I'd be on the intardnets talking about him behind his back.

3. I would also have refused to just BELIEVE what was told me about the 'old friend'. I would instead hold judgment in reserve. The other guy may have misunderstood what the 'old friend' said. You know, 'charity hopeth all things' and those pesky old testament laws against taking up a reproafh against your neighbor or listening to tale-bearers. So I would instead decide that the one friend probably misunderstood what the 'old friend' was saying or doing, and would meet the old friend and keep an open mind and open heart.

IF the old friend was trying to straighten me out, I would cherish the fact I had a friend who was serious enough about God to at least be zealous for God and concerned about my spiritual well being. Who needs friends who could care less if you go to hell?

And if was trying to straighten me out on 'house church', either I'd convert him to the truth, or we'd at the least part amicably with our respective views in tact. And if he was gonna just be mean and nasty about it, then I would pray for him and move on with my life.

I hope I would NOT be on AFF posting about what I THOUGHT his motives were in the absence of anything but hearsay.

Hearsay is hearsay, regardless of who says it...

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

If that mutual friend called to warn you someone was on their way to kill you, would that just be hearsay. How is it hearsay when the potential killer has made his plans known to the one who warned you?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Your post is right on the money. Obviously the friend who called him had spoken to the guy wanting to meet him because he knew about the meeting, etc.

Some people are just hell bent on defending the indefensible.

There is a very good chance the friend intent on rebuking him has the best of intentions. I am sure the Pope does also.

:lol

smh

:thumbsup

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

It's always interesting to study a group dynamic.

Deacon has been a part of AFF since its inception. He posted an interesting commentary about his fears, failures, relationships and journey.

Predictably, the responses fall under two categories: "He's no longer one of us so he's a lying gossip with an ax to grind" or "Gee, interesting story. Happy to hear you're doing well, Deacon."

Warnings from best friends don't happen frequently, in my experience. Only a fool ignores them.

Glad you're happy and well, Deacon.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Yet here you are, furiously posting on the "intardnet" about another's human experience as if you fully understand his life and motives and as if you are the sole possessor of all wisdom.

Let me play your game...I'm fairly certain that you wouldn't have been nearly so kind as Deacon. Flipping the scenario, you most likely would never have met with a no-longer-Apostolic defector in the first place.

I feel I may safely surmise as much by the complete lack of grace you exhibit here on a daily basis.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

They say, that there are usually three stories. There's the story that he said happen, and the story that they say happened, And The true story of what really happened.

And it probably happened along these lines ..,,

1kings 22:8
And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat,

There is yet one man, Micaiah the son of Imlah,

by whom we may enquire of the Lord:

but I hate him; for he doth not prophesy good concerning me, but evil.

:heeheehee

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Whatever the original intent for the meeting with your friend, DB, I'm glad that you were able to part on good terms. :)

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

So we go from being rebuked to being murdered? ROFL What a stretch of the imagination!

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

He said it was hearsay for his friend to call him and warn him about the college buddy even after the college buddy has personally told his friend of his intentions. So why would it not be hearsay in the murder scenario I suggested?

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Deacon, sadly some of our dearest friends will not understand when we follow the path to which we feel that God has directed us-especially if it differs from there's. Don't be discouraged, I am sure your friend MEANT well, even if he flubbed on attitude and delivery. Your long time friend did you a service by letting you be prepared for your visit. As far as the critics go, I guess I would say to them -Your walk is just that YOURS.... and mine is my own. I appreciate transparency in people but your friend would have been better off-if he felt burdened to pray-to pray for you alone, instead of trying to telegraph a message to the saints when he did his walk through. What wisdom in the old lyrics "tell it to Jesus alone".

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

You BETTER look me up!

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Thanks for assuming the best in me C.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

Pastor S---truer words have never been spoken.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

I just can't fathom not having any relationship with someone for nearly 30 years and then decide to just drop in to rebuke them---and making leaps in logic based on a 30 minute phone call.

My best friend who is like a brother to me would not steer me wrong. I would trust him to raise my children if I were to die. I guess because I'm not a conservative or consider myself a OP, the conservatives on here want to jump on the judgment band wagon and assume the guy was following God's lead and I am the prodigal needing the rebuke.

Sorry guys but you all are waaaay off on your assessment.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

The homers always want to defend the indefensible and try to flip things around.

Re: An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up
 

It's bad that I talk about it here even though I mention no names or specifics. My motive for sharing the story was to encourage those like me to not react to being judged with vitriol but with kindness. It was also to ask those who feel compelled to judge to rethink how they deal with others who have left the movement.