Apostolic Friends Forum - Who's in charge in YOUR home?

Apostolic Friends Forum (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/index.php)

- Fellowship Hall (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=7)

- - Who's in charge in YOUR home? (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=5863)

Who's in charge in YOUR home?

Quote:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/...inchargeathome

Study: Women Are in Charge at Home

Jeanna Bryner
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.comWed Jul 11, 12:30 PM ET

Men might throw their weight around at the office, but at home, women are the bosses.

A study, which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions.

"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said lead author David Vogel, a psychologist at Iowa State University (ISU). "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know.”

The results counter past research.

“Most of the research literature in psychology has suggested that women have less power,” Vogel told LiveScience. “They have largely based that on the fact that traditionally men earn more money and so therefore would have the ability to make big decisions in the relationship.” That wasn’t the case in this study.

Spouse survey says

Vogel, Megan Murphy, also of ISU, and their colleagues surveyed 72 married couples in which the spouses were an average of 33 years old and had been married for about seven years. Most of the participants (66 percent) were Caucasian, followed by Asian (22 percent), Hispanic (5 percent) and African American (4 percent). The final 3 percent represented “other” nationalities.

Each spouse answered questions about relationship satisfaction and overall decision-making ability. Then, each spouse noted a relationship problem that could not be resolved without the spouse’s cooperation. While money and housework were popular picks, sex didn’t come up much as a marital issue.

Topics chosen by husbands/wives included:
Money—18 percent (husbands) / 13 percent (wives) Housework—15 percent / 15 percent Friends and family—10 percent / 19 percent Feelings and emotions—10 percent / 13 percent Time together—13 percent / 10 percent Making decisions—18 percent / 4 percent Sex—4 percent / 1percent Intimacy—1 percent / 1 percent Communication—3 percent / 4 percent Children—husbands never chose this topic; 3 percent of wives Other relationship changes—4 percent / 17 percent

The scientists videotaped the couples while they discussed each of the issues for 10 minutes.

Women power

Trained volunteers coded the videotapes using a scale that rated couples’ interactions based on words and behaviors associated with blame (blames, accuses and criticizes the partner); demand (nags, pressures for change, requests); withdrawal and avoidance (avoids discussion the problem by hesitating, changing topics, diverting attention or looking away); and discussion.

Wives were more demanding—asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner—and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.

The women were not just talking more than their husbands.

"It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said,” Vogel explained. “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.”

One reason for in-charge wives could be that they carry the weight of making sure the family farm is running smoothly.

"Women are responsible for overseeing the relationship, making sure the relationship runs, that everything gets done, and that everybody's happy," Murphy said.

Wife power could signal a harmonious couple. "There's been research that suggests that's a marker of a healthy marriage—that men accept influence from their wives," Murphy said.

The study, published in the April issue of the Journal of Counseling Psychology, was funded by the National Institute of Mental Health along with ISU.

What are your thoughts regarding this matter?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost (Post 182435)

What are your thoughts regarding this matter?

Quote:

Wives were more demanding—asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner—and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.

I say, Whatevah! You know that ain't happenin' around here.

:killinme

When the threat is over it's all back to normal. :D

NLYP's never home for him to be in charge...:drama

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drama Queen (Post 182440)

NLYP's never home for him to be in charge...:drama

Is he strong enough to even take charge? :blah

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drama Queen (Post 182440)

NLYP's never home for him to be in charge...:drama

You know why don't you? Ah-Uh!! Renda keeps removing that ****. If you still had the **** he would be home more often.

:bliss:bliss

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost (Post 182442)

Is he strong enough to even take charge? :blah

not touching that one................

:aaa

Wife is spelled wife, not wive. :winkgrin

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahElizabeth (Post 182470)

Wife is spelled wife, not wive. :winkgrin

It is, isn't it? Can an Admin fix my poll typo?

They did not have an answer that fit my household.My husband runs his business out of our home.I work out.He is there more than I am.So you could say he runs the house but then I don't shirk out of my duties either.We share the duties.Now in the marriage we both have imput and pray about the right thing and what is Gods will.So you could say the next phrase fits:

Home is a place where
each live for other
and all live for God.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere (Post 182479)

One for all, and all for One! :lol

I might be the King of my castle but Revshoney is the crown that sits on my head...

Well I didn't make a choice in the poll.

The correct answer is the husband but I am just not comfortable clicking it because we are such a team effort.

As I have said before in other threads...

My wife and I make decisions together. We discuss issues and come to a conclusion.

In the wildly uncommon time that we are unable to come to a consensus between the two of us then we will go with my decision and I will bear the responsibility for that decision being right or wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digging4Truth (Post 182530)

You know I didn't vote either.There wasn't a choice I was comfortable with.
We do the same as you guys.My husband is the one who is more spiritual anyway.
He has the better attitude..lol.When things get rough and we need an answer from God we fast and pray together and he takes it to the altar and comes back
with a word from the Lord.Thanks God for that.

I am in charge. :D

I am pretty convinced that a Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who is strong... more than capable of running and being in charge of a household. :)

God gave women the patience, fortitude, grace, detail orientation needed to completely and efficiently run a household. God made the man the spiritual leader, provider and protector of that home and children that woman manage.

The wholeness of how these two come together as one to compliment each other is how it is supposed to be.

God gives us everything of this physical life to manage to bring him glory, honor and a good reflection of Him. I think he intended the marriage to be the same… what better way can a wife honor her husband than to efficiently manage the household… so that he is honored... we women make men look good. :D

There you go... gospel according to Lisa.... :roseglasses

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere (Post 182562)

Amen...

Both for him and the wonderful leadership he is providing and for your appreciation for his contribution.

It takes 2.

One can be the best wife or the best husband they can possibly be but it takes both honoring and respecting each other to make it work.

Blessings on both of you and your entire household.

I didn't have an option either... we make any major decisions together and I will not have the kind of marriage where my decision carries more weight than hers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digging4Truth (Post 182578)

Thanks Brother.I apprieciate this comment.

We are pretty egalitarian but if push came to shove and we just couldn't agree, I would subject myself to my husband. But I know that he would try and make the best decision for the family even if I didn't agree. I think that's what male headship is all about. That way, if the whole thing blows up, it's HIS FAULT!!! :D

Mostly I agree with the findings in the study. on day to day things, on personal matters, on areas where someone needs to "change" wives tend to have their way.

Quote:

we make any major decisions together and I will not have the kind of marriage where my decision carries more weight than hers.

Amen and amen. Neither of us act as a dictator to the other and I can't think of an instant where I put my foot down and demanded something. I never HAD to because she is usually willing to do something I feel strongly about, and if she ISN'T then there is always a good reason that I need to look at. (I actually voted "No one!" in the poll since I didn't quite agree with the first one and absolutely did not agree with the 2nd... nor the 3d -but have seen all three)

There are a few small things that I wish she would do, but also know how much she hates to, so I will never force the issue. And this goes both ways.

I have seen my share of male dictators where men take the whole "head of the household" literally and proclaim that their word is law. It makes me very uncomfortable to see and be around.... The only thing that is worse when it is the woman who wears the pants in the family and acts like the dictator. lol

Women are to guide the house.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Epley (Post 182643)

Women are to guide the house.

Good point!!

Woohoo!! SE the feminist!! Hehe.:slaphappy

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG (Post 182708)

Good point!!

Woohoo!! SE the feminist!! Hehe.:slaphappy

He's not a feminist...

That's just what Sister E told him to say.

:slaphappy:killinme

I need to change my answer. Currently the 3 month old is in charge, but we keep hoping that will change. Somebody help me!!!

I was told not to take this poll by Mrs. Pianoman! :D

Where is the answer that says that GOD is in charge??

We used to think that we, working together, were in charge of our home. But let me tell you - we've learned differently. WE are only in charge so far as God ALLOWS us to be in charge.

So there's no answer up there that I can mark.

I am the KING of my castle! Whatever the Queen says goes! :D

Just kidding! I am the one in charge around here. I am not saying this to belittle her, but my wife doesn't have the skills to be the boss around here. Sometimes I wish she did. I get tired of being the strong one all the time.

partnership is the answer, being true partners and friends is the only way to survive in this crazy world we call our temp home,dt:killinme

I voted "the husband".... because I took it upon myself to interpret "in charge" to mean "lead".

As a man who prayerfully leads my home, my wife's opinions and judgements are extremely valuable as she is a Pr. 31 woman.

I am neither overbearing nor controlling (although a bit stubborn) - we work together to build a home. We work to build it on the principles of the Word. We work to play each others strengths and cover the others weakness.

God has blessed me with a prayerful and godly wife!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On (Post 182443)

You know why don't you? Ah-Uh!! Renda keeps removing that ****. If you still had the **** he would be home more often.

:bliss:bliss

Here we go again on the ****!!!!

I'm not gonna have that installed until our house is built. Guess I want be seeing much of NLYP for awhile. :tissue

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drama Queen (Post 183115)

Here we go again on the ****!!!!

I'm not gonna have that installed until our house is built. Guess I won't be seeing much of NLYP for awhile. :tissue

Oh, sister!!! I am so sorry. Well, if there is any consolation, I am removing mine, because it's in the way of the television!!! Uh, er, I mean monitor.

:biss

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Epley (Post 182643)

Women are to guide the house.

Oh my goodness...I have to agree with Bro. Epley! How scary is that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferd (Post 182620)

Mostly I agree with the findings in the study. on day to day things, on personal matters, on areas where someone needs to "change" wives tend to have their way.

I would have to agree. If it's not of huge import or spiritual significance, my husband can usually be persuaded to my way of thinking.
But in the early years of marriage that is one of the biggest adjustments.... compromise was not always the happy solution. That may be the root of the news article that the majority of marriages are ready to split at 3 years.

I guess every dog has his day.....

The Lord is in charge, Amen.