Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I'm sure that I'm not the only one her on AFF that has issues with loneliness. Certainly I am aware that the Bible tells us that Jesus will never forsake us, but I've had a time actually accepting that in my heart.

On several different occasions when I've had conversations with elders in the Church, they have warned my to guard my heart. In many instances, I have been known to give far too much in my friendships and other relationships.

I have multiple examples of where I've given my all in a friendship only to it blow up in my face. I get my heart and feelings tangled up in these friendships, only to have the sideline me.

I've gotten use to not having a close friend. I don't have one outside of Jesus.

In the past few months, these friendships have come to a head. I've come to the realization that I shouldn't expect any more out of anyone when they haven't given me any reason to. It's like I'm everyone's friend only when it's convenient for them. No one is there unless their other friends (their real friends) aren't there. I'm only a friend by default. Not by choice. And it gets tiring.

At the same time, I've also realized that I must watch how these things effect me and my heart. For a while, I struggled with the fear of my heart been tangled up in bitterness and hardness; I have had eventually broken past most of it.

I still have my sad hours, however. I'm far too sensitive and I have to stop wearing that sensitivity on my sleeves. But if I develop a harder exterior, I can't help but cut people off. I cannot seem to find a balance of having people at arm's length. I either give it all or give absolutely nothing.

I've gotten to the point to where I've even occasionally prayed that the Lord help me get use to being close friendless, and spending the majority of my time solo.

I just ask that each of you here help me pray that I can deal with loneliness properly, and that I don't allow my heart to become hard and bitter. I want to be able to love people the way I need to, but I don't want to be hurt in the process.

Maybe I can't have it both ways? Is that wanting my cake and wanting to eat it, too?

Help me pray.

In Jesus' Name,
Holy Roller

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I don't believe that a prolonged sense of loneliness is the will of God for anyone. There is a young man I know who, when he meets new people and makes new friends, he becomes connected way too quickly, displaying a sense of neediness, that actually drives people away and kills the potential for mutually satisfying friendships.

Other times, I have seen him keep people at arms length, and they think he is the best thing since sliced bread, so to speak-- but he confided that when he does this, he doesn't find those relationships to be mutually satisfying.

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I will be praying for you.

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I know how you feel, I'm autistic and an introvert.

I have had only a handful of really close friends my entire life.

My best friends are my dog and my books.

Hopefully someone will come along and give you great advice.
The only advice I can think of it get an education and a job you like and enjoy your life.

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

What you have described here could very well be said about me.

God did create us to be lonely? Certainly not. But some of us might just be better off that way.

In some instances, I guess I could come across as far too needy. On the other hand, when I put people at arm's length, I feel like I'm there at their disposal. I'm sure they don't think I'm anywhere near sliced bread.

But I can agree that having a "friend" at arm's length isn't mutually satisfying.

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

Appreciate it.

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

Same. I've only had a few exceptionally close friends in my life, too. And all of those friendships have fizzled down to practically being non-existent.

Am I expecting too much from people?

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I think it might change once you are working and find some activities you can enjoy with others

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

There are many categories of friends. Not everyone can be as close as the next person. For instance I have very close Preacher Friends that I discuss concerns about the church and our relationships with God and things of that nature. On the other hand I have close friends that usually our conversation is about Maintenance and Reliability, bottle necks and production flow, (work talk) and those types of things. There are others that we invite over to the house to grill and fellowship but are close in the since of my wife and I trying to be a godly example for them and their children and try to be a strength for them if ever needed.

You ask the question "am i expecting too much from people?" In some opinions its more of a blessing to be able to give all for all and to all. I think maybe I dont expect as much out of my friends as I expect out of myself being their friend. Its my desire to be the unmovable anchor for them no matter if they feel the same way. Basically Im there for them even if im at their arms length or being embraced.
"Ask not what your friends can do for you rather ask what you can do for your friends" lol

Re: Lord, Rid Me of Loneliness
 

I'll be praying for you.

One thing I discovered in life is that if you are surrounded by people who don't seem to be genuine friends, the solution is to change your surroundings. That is, find other people to associate with.

:thumbsup