Bringing up boys
 

I am curious as to how folks on here raise their boys concerning the balance between fighting back/self defense, or turning the other cheek. Primarily in the teenage years I suppose. Lets say some kid at school or after church service punches your son in the stomach or "smites him on the right cheek", do you encourage your son to break his nose, just turn the other cheek, or maybe something else? I'm sure that what it is about has everything to do with a response... So what do you tell your boy?

Re: Bringing up boys
 

I don't think boys should take a beating, but defend themselves.

Re: Bringing up boys
 

I've never told them anything specific that I can think of. Usually my daughter will settle most of the family scores.

I have mentioned the importance of standing up for yourself and also the importance of not going out of your way to create an offense or to turn an angry situation into a violent one.

Re: Bringing up boys
 

Seems reasonable. I don't want my son to pick fights or bully anyone, but I do want him to defend himself or a defend a friend if the need arises.

Re: Bringing up boys
 

I put my kids in Tae-kwon-do. The instructor taught them for me. :winkgrin

There's a fine line between the need to defuse a situation and defending yourself. I think we would all naturally try to defuse first, but if the need arises, they need to know how to:

1.) not get hurt, (defense)
and
2.) stop someone from hurting them (offense)

Tae-kwon-do is generally known as a defensive-type martial arts technique, which employs avoidance manuevers, but they know how to stop someone from hurting them too. At the center of it all is self-control, to make good judgements when confronted.

:2cents

Re: Bringing up boys
 

the story behind me posting this thread is this...

Last night after church service, I was talking to a good friend that I went to HS with, neither of us were Christians back then. I also had Tae-Kwon-DO classes with the guy back then. He was a black belt 2nd degree then(20 yr's ago), I believe(& his wife was too-BTW!). He got into a few scraps in school, and no doubt held his own as I remember. And to this day is very strong and athletic. Well...why we were talking, in thru the door comes his 13-14 year old son cryin up a storm cause some kid(a lttle older and a bully) had punched him in the stomach. When I was pulling out of the parking lot, my friend had that other kid cornered and was still talking to him 5-10 min.'s later. Now I know he wanted to slap that kid upside the head, but didnt. Yet, I came home wondering what all he told his son. See, his son is nothing at all like him, in the way of being fit, but rather he is very shy and also very overweight, hooked on video games and such. I'm confident he must've explained to his son about defending himself, and not putting up with that junk etc..

I take it most on here are in agreeance in advising the kids...dont start it ever, yet try to be able to defend yourself and even sometimes others, in the appropriate situations if need be. That is how Ive taught my son....he is 13 now.

I want all my kids including my little princess of a daughter, to (with good judgement)physically defend themselves at the appropriate times if needed, to get out of a particular situation ASAP.
Funny what you said Bro. David, about your daughter settling the family scores -LOL

Re: Bringing up boys
 

That would be my call.

On the positive note; if you have a boy you only have to worry about one boy, with a girl you have to worry about every boy in town.

On the fight note, I can't think of a single fight I got into in high school that didn't end up in the long run with me being if not friends with the guy, at least cordial.

With girls... cat-fights tend to turn into a lifelong blood feud.

Boys seem to get over it and move on a lot easier than girls....but if a boy does not defend/stand up for himself, he will become a target for every kid with a cruel streak and get picked on daily.

Re: Bringing up boys
 

I see things along the lines that have been presented here but I wanted to weigh in and say one thing.

Kids are some of the meanest, most hateful and hurtful creatures on earth.

It pains me to see the things my children have to tolerate. Especially if one has a noticeably kind or meek demeanor then they seem to be walking targets. Hateful comments, sharp & pointed remarks etc. And boys just don't seem to be able to communicate without violence of some sort. That goes for church & school.

My son doesn't like to go on church trips because the boys are just continually punching & fighting and he is uncomfortable in that situation. I raise my family in an atmosphere of concern for others & kindness. My son was raised to be a kind person who looks out for others and does nothing to harm his fellow man.

I sometimes wonder if I have done a wrong because it seems that a kind person can't really find a place in this world.

And no... I don't buy the boys will be boys world view (although it appears that most others do). Boys will be boys... when they aren't taught better. Apparently very few are.

Re: Bringing up boys
 

Actually, my wife just informed me that the boy that got punched was only 10-11, and the boy which is a bully, that punched him is 15 yrs old, but the younger kid is good size, and does outweigh the older. So in an instance like that, should he have physically tried to fight back even tho it was only 1 punch, or should he only have fought back if it had been an ongoing situation of continued endangerment, like the bully would not let up?

Re: Bringing up boys
 

My husband, simply, told our son, "I don't want to ever hear that you started a fight. But, if someone starts one with you, you have my permission to finish it." I concur! :thumbsup