[UnTraditional]

Dear The Matt, I usually do not post on this forum, because of all the anti-Apostolic nonsense that goes on here. Left that mess to be now an Apostolic believer who is filled with grace, mercy, faith, and true hope. Let me say this, that what some of these people on here have recommended is all fluff. You do not need to leave the Church, but instead possibly find a Christ centered Grace filled and living church that has what my home church calls Body Ministry, where the saints actively minister to one another in prayer, love, and in needs being met. I wish you were near Houston, because I would find a way to come and bring you to GloryLand Church, where there is an open Heaven, and the Lord has restored and ministered to so many people it is not funny.

Second, bro, vent. Let it out. It is OK to vent, to cry. These people who say to pray about it, I agree with them. But, let your prayers be a conversation with the Lord. Ask Him to open your heart and mind to hear His Word in prayer. He will be heard if we ask Him to let us listen. But, in this, please understand, that God will open Himself up to us, if we would allow Him to.

Bro, let me share something with you as well. Recently, I had what I consider an experience with grace. Mind you, I have not had the physical pain you have had, but the stress level I have underwent has been incredible. Between my job, my Mom's accident and pain, the now close to year long strain of the fight with Workman's Comp over her injury, and the personal struggle of watching my Mom suffer had been so very much to me that I could not take it. One day, I sat at the computer, and cried out to God with a fierce cry, and I mean I was crying my eyes out. I will never forget that as I cried, spiritually I saw behind me the Lord Jesus come down from Heaven, and ran to me, taking me in His arms and holding me, hugging me as I wept. He rocked me as I sat in the chair. What was so amazing was the fact that I could literally feel His hug around me, and His holding me. It was the beginning of my restored walk of grace in Him.

Matt, I can only make these recommendations, as a man who is a walking example of what God's grace can restore. Find a good grace filled, Spirit filled church. Get in there and allow God to move. He will, through His people. Stay on the meds, as recommended by the doctors, and stay connected with people who love you. Forgive your family for their mess, and let it go. I am praying for you.

UnTraditional
William Price