[StMark]

Next Nate got up and read the By-Laws word for word. Anyone who has ever been in this sort of spot
will tell you that if the reading of the Articles of Faith can be boring, the reading of the By-laws is
downright tedious. I think I fell asleep. Indeed, I know I did, because when I woke up Floyd Odom was
just wrapping up his topic in his stentorian voice. I have no idea what he was talking about, and didn’t
care.
I can’t be sure what all followed next because it was about time for lunch, and I was really hungry,
having been denied any repast the night before and not having had time for anything for breakfast, not
even a Starbucks. I chose a ham sandwich for lunch and sat in the crowded fellowship hall and chatted
up those surrounding brethren. I saw so many familiar faces, many from ABI, my alma maître. I even
got to chat up Bro. Jerry Ensey who was complaining that a friend of his from the Texico District was
afraid of getting into trouble with another brother-in-law of mine, Jerry Burns, the District
Superintendent of Texico. I assured him that if he got into any trouble, all he had to do was call me and I
would give him a “get out of jail free card”, a memory of past misdeeds of my brother-in-law so he could
act like he had received a Word of Knowledge and hold this newbie District Superintendent at bay.


After lunch we were regaled by a young insurance man who was all too interested in selling insurance to
this group. As a part of the $60.00/month dues, guess what? You get a life insurance policy worth a
whopping $20,000.00, doubled for accidental death. At age 65, when you might be needing it more
than ever, it severs in HALF to $10,000.00. And at age 70, when your need for it is increasing, it halves


again to $5,000.00. Wowzers. As I looked over this aging crowd, which was mostly bald and white-
headed, I could see pitch man was going to make a lot of money. No wonder he was so excited. They
proclaimed the $20,000.00 payout very loudly, but nearly whispered the halving part of it.


I thought to myself, “Poor Pentecostal suckers. When will they ever learn??? Insurance is the ball and
chain by which these religious organizations tether you to themselves.” I can GUARANTEE you that
there are MANY in the UPCI who would leave overnight if they didn’t have to worry about losing their
insurance coverage, or so I’ve been told by many of them on both sides of the equation. For all the
chanting about wanting to be free from the constraints of dominating organization, these men were
headed like sheep down the chute to another insurance trap. But then, there’s also the tickler that
under this program, one can get insurance coverage without having to qualify. In other words, one does
not have to have a medical certificate to qualify. If you have pre-existing health issues, cancer, diabetes,
hypertension, all fairly evident in the crowd that LOVES to eat, you can get coverage for your lack of
temperance. Well, maybe there’s an upside to this whole business, but I’m sure there are other plans
out there that will get you the same thing and you won’t have to be changed to something you might be
disagreeing with in the next ten years and wanting to start ANOTHER organization.
Then there was the plum I was waiting for – TWO HOURS of questions and answers. Probably the most
enjoyable part of this was watching the SIX squirm, and I didn’t know why because most were softballs.
I didn’t submit a question. I wouldn’t have known what to ask. But to their credit, there were some in
the crowd who asked some pretty decent questions. The one that stood out in my mind was the
question: “Please explain the difference between advertizing on television and video-streaming your
church services on the internet.” POW! WHAM! BANG! SIZZLE!
The SIX looked at each other, hesitated. Nervous titters shuttered across the audience. I was transfixed.
WOW, do you mean these straight arrows were actually video-streaming their services on the internet?
As I waited with bated breath, Larry Booker proceed to fall on his sword, offering up the most inane
answer in the annals of question and answer sessions for officials, self-proclaimed. Before I give you the
answer he gave, I must tell you that I believe you can get most of the conference on CDs off the internet,
but I can GUARANTEE YOU that you’ll not get a CD of the Q and As. They don’t want that out.
Since I can’t PROVE what Bro. Larry said, because there’s no recording available, you’ll just have to settle
for my truthful characterization of it. I can’t quote it exactly, but the sum and substance of Bro. Larry’s
answer was this: There is deep, DEEP wickedness on the internet. It’s awful what is out there available
to you on the internet, but at least you can control the internet with software programs that limit what
is available. One cannot do that with television. (HELP! Bro. Larry, haven’t you been informed that one
can indeed program into a television controls which limit what one is able to tune in to?) He said, with
the internet, “the teaspoon is in your hand,” and you can control what you see and surf.


With television, he said, “the teaspoon is in THEIR hand, and they cram wickedness down your throat.”
Where is the instant replay? Can I be sure I heard Bro. Larry correctly????? So far as I know, BOTH
mediums are subject to on/off switches and knobs. BOTH mediums are subject to control. Indeed, if I
were choosing which medium was the SAFEST, I would begin to wonder about which medium can be
used to surf for porn, troll for sex with children in chatrooms, learn how to build a nuclear bomb,
communicate secretly with lovers in nearly every city and state in the union. Hmmmmm, Bro. Larry are
you SERIOUS? Are you actually saying that the internet is SAFER than TV???? I think that would be
considered absurd in most informed, knowledgeable circles. But, with his sweet, husky voice, Bro. Larry
did his best to fog over a question which exposed the very heart of the hypocrisy which is embraced by


these brethren. FOR ME, I would think, NO TV, then NO INTERNET. Wouldn’t that be more consistent?
But who cares about consistency?



CONTINUED.........................



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