[Aquila]

I don’t think it’s “adultery” unless physical romance or the actual desire for physical romance begins. It’s definitely a symptom of a marriage that’s slowly dying.

For example, let’s consider a hypothetical story of a married couple named Jack and Diane, just two American kids growing up in the heartland….

Jack works full time and pulls overtime when he can. He’s involved at church and is even taking college classes here and there. Diane works too as sales support in a major corporation. Jack is under a lot of stress. He just can’t seem to get ahead in his job, though he’s pouring as much as he can into it. He felt a call to preach but getting permission to fulfill that calling seems to be like the day that never comes. He can preach circles around his peers and even many twice his age…but instead of this helping him…it’s also his greatest curse. His studies aren’t going all that well either. So he drops out of school. He dedicates himself to work and church believing that God’s “going to open that door”. His wife believes in him…looks up to him…and has prepared her heart to go anywhere and do anything for the kingdom. They’ve even repeatedly been told that the call on their life is obvious. Days, months, years roll by….they’re stagnant and have gone nowhere in spite of all the prayer, consecration and their time, effort, and participation at church. Jack becomes bitter, distrusting of ministry, feeling like a failure, feeling rejected, and is essentially in a deep depression. He finds his only “outlet” for the spiritual fire burning in his bones to be Apostolic online forums. There he can share the truth, debate the things he has questions about, share what he sees as possibilities, and he feels like somehow, he can be what he was meant to be out in cyberspace. Diane has also lost faith. She’s lost faith in the church as she’s seen her husband sidelined at every turn in spite of their efforts and sacrifice. She’s lost faith in her husband because he’s lost faith in himself. When they were young and married the prophesies were pouring forth and they both had grand dreams of ministering together. Ahhh….but he’s just a bum. She got a bad bill of goods when she married him. He just never got the breaks some guys seem to get. Maybe he never had what it takes and everyone was just lying to him. If the prophesies were true, it was obviously God playing a cruel trick on them to teach some object lesson to those he’s actually chosen. When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickity, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting wishing she had his affection, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition. Doors are opening on her job. She’s moving up fast really. Making contacts, friends, networking. She knows people, successful people. Bright people. Optimistic people. She meets Stan. He’s a district sales supervisor. The man makes three or four times as much as her husband. He’s smart, educated, successful, positive. He also goes out of his way to hear her. She begins to feel an “office crush” on him. She talks to a few friends about it at work and they giggle at the girl talk. Sure, she thinks about Stan…but she has no intention on ever acting on those thoughts. She loves her husband, she hates the person he’s become. Meanwhile the car’s breaking down and her husband’s yelling about how they can’t afford to get it fixed. He’s facing possible layoffs now. His dreams are shattered and his tone always shows it. When he speaks to her it cuts like a knife. But when Stan speaks to her she feels….good and hopeful. She becomes Stan’s administrative assistant and is showing promise of being elevated to regional sales. She’s got the goods…she can’t help it…but she’s starting to feel like her husband’s dead weight. In all honesty, she’s right. She doesn’t plan on leaving her husband. She loves her husband. But she has taken all she can take about the situation. She lives for her work world where she’s successful and where a real man makes her feel good about herself and life in general. Their relationship never gets physical…but they’re close. Real close. Her husband finds out and goes ballistic. Now he’s hurt, paranoid, doesn’t trust her, things get verbally abusive and both are talking divorce though neither want it. He demands she quit her job, she’s unwilling. Like a bird upon the wind, that career is her sky. While they love each other, circumstances have become such that staying together could destroy them both. But they’re trying….seeking outside counseling for objective advice. Now he’s feeling like some crazy smothering jealous husband….and doesn’t even trust his own emotions. He’s staring into the mirror at night asking himself, “Am I going crazy?”; pleading, “God, what did I do wrong?” Sometimes he just thinks about taking every pill in the medicine cabinet, slip into bed next to his wife like it’s a normal night, tell her he loves her. Embrace her….and then slowly die in the night with her in his arms; her closeness and warmth his last memory. Fade to black.

Where did the “emotional affair” start? Could it have started here?..…

When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickety, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting… wishing she had his affection, his attention, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition.

Her husband neglected her. The affair began with him and his online affirmation quest. Was he doing anything immoral? No. He was talking about the Lord most of the night. But he wasn’t talking to her. And that caused her to have to find what she needed in someone else. Sure, it’s easy to accuse her. It’s easy to judge her. But he was putting her through Hades and neglecting her emotional needs. He’s the sinner. That’s why God rejected him.