You know what Coop, I am in the boat you are in. I am in the process of leaving the UPC. I moved to AZ from TN to marry my wife. The UPC church we attend has been her church her entire life. Somethings have transpirred recently and I am not comfortable in staying in the UPC. That is my choice, but thus far my wife has not chose to follow me so at the present time I am still at that church but praying on what to do.
As far as the standards go same boat at the same time. I do not follow the dress code standards. I try to follow Holiness unto God, but not by clothing. Niether do I walk around wearing things to bring Him shame.
I believe another part of why you started this thread and "talk" about leaving the UPC is that you want to know that you are not alone at it. I know you have friends that have left too. But, I think that part of you is thinking, "did I make the right choice?" I think part of you is looking for some to say, "it's ok to do that." I may be off base, but I feel the same way at times. I am convinced that standards are not altogther a heaven, hell issue. Although I have been raised in under the same Apostolic teaching for 20 yrs, I think that there is more out there beyond the UPC, but I love the UPC as a whole just parts a corrupt.
The UPC is a great movement. I believe alot of the endtime revival will come from the UPC, however, there are some pastors and ministers that taken control of their church and driving them into the ground. Just because a man is in the UPC and he is a pastor does not mean he is right in what he is doing.
Sometimes too many people suffer because of a controling nature that a man or men have.
This movement can change its ways. Look over the history of the organization. They have softened up on certain issues and they get softer, but the main thing is the MESSAGE. Methods change. The MESSAGE does not. But the MESSAGE is not a set of "you can not's." It is a you can repent of the wrong. Baptized to cleanse, and receive His spirit to live eternally.
Maybe I got off topis alittle but I hope you know what I am trying to say.