[Esaias]

Originally Posted by Holy Roller

I know I have a older thread going about another issue I needed you all to help me pray about, but I figured I would start a new one to address some different troubles.

I would greatly you all binding with me in prayer with the following:

First, I am in desperate need of a job. Since I have graduated high school back in May 2016, I have applied for many different jobs, but none of them have followed through. One of the first I applied for, a job at my then-local Fred's, I was actually hired, only to be fired before starting because the manager decided she couldn't work around my church schedule. Since then, I have applied at two banks, Valmiera Glass, Footwear Factory, another Fred's, Dollar General, and other places, but nothing's come of any of them yet. The Footwear Factory, which would be a new business in my area, is hopefully within the next month or so. As it seems, I was one of the first handfuls that filled out an application. During a tent revival meeting I went to a couple of weeks back, the pastor called me down to the front and told me that Jesus was getting ready to make a move in my finances, whether that be blessing me with money, but he seemed sure the Lord was fixing to give me a job.

Second, I need a healing in my lower back. Since last October, I have had (sometimes) unbearable pain shoot down my right leg. After several ER visits, we finally got an MRI done, and it was determined I have pinched nerve that is causing the pain. Go figure. I started seeing a chiropractor, who told me my pelvic, shoulders, and spine are uneven and therefore cause this pain. I saw her regularly for almost a month, but without a job and a easy money flow, I simply cannot afford the trips to see her any further. I honestly feel like the Lord wants to heal me, but that He wants me in the right spot, faith-wise, to do it. Every time I have discussed going to the chiropractor in the past few weeks, I instantly feel a relief and I continue praying, thanking Jesus for the healing I know He's going to grant.

Lastly, and most importantly to me I suppose, I have a rather difficult time with my personal self-esteem. Because I was chunky, non-athletic, semi-geeky, and occasionally socially awkward, I was never a "popular kid" in school, whether I was in church or not. This trend has continued post-high school, and as I have settled more into church itself. I have had quite a number close friends after entering church, but it just doesn't seem to work out. Most of them, especially the guys, only seemed to like me when I compromised my soft exterior to be more jockish. To almost all of them, I am, quite frankly, their default friend. Or that's how it seems. They're never really interested in hanging out or including me unless their other buddies aren't there, especially the guys. As for the girls, well, being in church, I tend to stay distant because I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea with me having too many close friends that are girls. All of this tends to way on my heavily, sometimes more so than others. I am at the point now where I have decided to keep everyone at arm's length. I don't really have desire to have anyone particularly close to me. I still love my "friends", I pray for them all the time, and I do wish things could be better. But it's hard when you don't feel like you fit in with any clique per se, and most people are just tolerating you. I find myself, especially at my Mother's church, gravitating to the older ladies that like to hear me sing, testify, and call me "their boy". They like me for me, and I honestly doubt that anyone else really does.

To make this post as short as possible, I just ask you all to please help me pray for these three things troubling me. I greatly appreciate all of you doing so!

In Jesus' Name,
Holy Roller

Adding you to my prayer list.

You say you graduated high school in 2016? That would put you at about 20 years old or so, right? Let me tell you something (you won't believe it, until you hit 30 or so, then you'll say "that kook Esaias was right after all!" lol).

MUCH of the "awkwardness" and "low self esteem" you feel, is due entirely to your age. It's a normal thing. And I GUARANTEE you, most of the "cool people" who seem to "have it together", that are around your age, are faking it. Plain and simple. They feel just as insecure as you do. They've just learned to put on a front like they are sure of themselves more than you feel you are.

And I wouldn't be surprised if their opinion of you was somewhat different than your opinion of what you think they think of you. (Clear as mud? lol)

Also, I would encourage you to "gravitate" towards the elders ("olders") in your church. You will wind up being more mature, cause that "elder-ness" will rub off on you. Things like "wisdom", something old people seem to stock up on.

As for your physical attributes, I will say to you what I say to everyone: lift weights, take boxing, or just do physically hard stuff as much as possible. You don't have to be a "jock" to be physically fit, athletic, or have a commanding physical presence. (Most of it's mental, anyway.) Accomplishing hard, difficult, challenging things gives one confidence. And people recognise confidence. Especially the girls.