Shunning: Biblical?

Mirth1981 · #1 08-23-2011, 07:28 PM

Some of you on here may remember my story...I left my former UPC church last summer. My husband is a licensed UPC minister; he still attends the same church.

Earlier this summer, I was shopping at a local store that was having a sidewalk sale. While perusing through some pictures, I happened to glance up and see my former pastor's wife and her two daughters walking directly towards me. They were maybe ten feet away. I prepared myself to smile and be friendly, even though it felt a little awkward. However, I didn't get a chance, because as soon as they spotted me, all three of them froze in their tracks, and quickly turned the opposite direction, and hustled off. They darted straight to their vehicle, and I stood there frozen as I watched them drive quickly out of the parking lot. It was so bizarre. They obviously didn't want to see me at all.

Not only was this display hurtful...it bordered on ridiculous. I could only think to myself: "Well, even if a small part of me ever wanted to go back to that church, it's completely gone now." When I left that church, I did so quietly. I didn't leave out of anger or confrontation, so this behavior really puzzled me.

Has anyone else ever encountered this type of shunning, or even engaged in this type of behavior towards someone else? Does anyone out there believe that shunning is biblical, and if so, what types of circumstances do you believe it should be practiced?

Truthseeker · #2 08-23-2011, 07:42 PM

Yes shunning is biblical for sinful practices, heresies etc....

*AQuietPlace* · #3 08-23-2011, 08:14 PM

There have been a couple of interesting threads about this in the past. You should do a search and read some people's stories. Bizarre!

And, no, the treatment you received is not biblical.

Mirth1981 · #4 08-23-2011, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

There have been a couple of interesting threads about this in the past. You should do a search and read some people's stories. Bizarre!

And, no, the treatment you received is not biblical.

Thanks QP...I'll do a search.

RandyWayne · #5 08-23-2011, 08:36 PM

The exact same stuff happened to us when we left. It was not a large city so when we ran into certain individuals their behavior bordered on the ridicules.

I was NEVER hurt by any of this because of our real friends did not treat us this way. Just the "Bertha better-than-you's" sitting in their amen pews.

Jason B · #6 08-23-2011, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Some of you on here may remember my story...I left my former UPC church last summer. My husband is a licensed UPC minister; he still attends the same church.

Earlier this summer, I was shopping at a local store that was having a sidewalk sale. While perusing through some pictures, I happened to glance up and see my former pastor's wife and her two daughters walking directly towards me. They were maybe ten feet away. I prepared myself to smile and be friendly, even though it felt a little awkward. However, I didn't get a chance, because as soon as they spotted me, all three of them froze in their tracks, and quickly turned the opposite direction, and hustled off. They darted straight to their vehicle, and I stood there frozen as I watched them drive quickly out of the parking lot. It was so bizarre. They obviously didn't want to see me at all.

Not only was this display hurtful...it bordered on ridiculous. I could only think to myself: "Well, even if a small part of me ever wanted to go back to that church, it's completely gone now." When I left that church, I did so quietly. I didn't leave out of anger or confrontation, so this behavior really puzzled me.

Has anyone else ever encountered this type of shunning, or even engaged in this type of behavior towards someone else? Does anyone out there believe that shunning is biblical, and if so, what types of circumstances do you believe it should be practiced?

Yes, I have encountered this. We live in a small community and on occasion we see former church memebers. The pastor was quite authoratative (a huge understatement) and when we see some of the members (one we most often run into works at the local wal-mart, which is the hub around here) they will avoid us at all costs. When they can't avoid us the conversation is short, and if they can keep walking and say "hi" in passing (always a reaction to being spoken to, never an initiated response) they do so. When we left the church it wasn't like this the first couple of weeks, I've got a pretty good feeling the pastor essentially scared them to death about us. They seem to think that if we so much as look at them they are going to become "charismatic."

Anyway its disappointing, and even a little hurtful, but just know they are not really reacting to you, they are reacting to a mindset that is founded in fear.

Is shunning Biblical, Yes, in a case in which a brother/sister is in blatant sin (such as 1 Cor 6:9-10) and refuses to repent. In a case like ours, no.

*AQuietPlace* · #7 08-23-2011, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason Badejo

Is shunning Biblical, Yes, in a case in which a brother/sister is in blatant sin (such as 1 Cor 6:9-10) and refuses to repent. In a case like ours, no.

But, of course, the shunners think you/she/we are.

acerrak · #8 08-23-2011, 09:38 PM

this happened to my wife, we had left the upci (the first time) and the woman who was her prayer partner and disciple teacher, met her at some establishment. There was a quick wave and no talk of anything.

wife made a note of how odd it was

before hand there would have been a conversation,but since we was not in fellowship no talk

but after we went back to church,

yea peas and carrots baby, peas and carrots!

RandyWayne · #9 08-23-2011, 10:04 PM

I tells ya, I would give almost anything to go back 25 years in time to just after we left the church. While I thought it was comical back then I can only now think of all the comic possibilities! For instance, instead of simply grinning while many walked across the street in order to not pass us in person, now I would make a few hand gestures which they would no doubt interpret as a spell being cast by us, on them.

Again, there were many who turned out to be true friends but the bulk of the church were mind numb robots who followed the pastors marching orders.

Jason B · #10 08-24-2011, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

But, of course, the shunners think you/she/we are.

True, which is why I don't take it personally. It is a mindset, not true feelings of hatred. But still it hurts sometimes, because even if I don't go to church there (or another place) anymore, there is still a tendency to care about people even if there are theological differences. In fact, if we really love Christ we should not allow mere differences in doctrine to truly seperate us, though we may be more comfortable in a different environment. I don't think these people are lost (speaking of those from the church who shun, not the other place, though I don't think those people are lost either

) and if we are going to be in heaven one day forever then why not at least be civil down here? Its tough in a small town, but I imagine it would be really tough to be from a well known family within the movement.