really bad day......

jediwill83 · #1 02-24-2011, 08:29 PM

I failed my practical exam today...gotta retake it...but getting chewed out by my instructor on the phone was the worst...I'm already my own worst critic and I didnt need that from him or anyone else...I'm just even more down right now and I'm tired...been having flu symptoms for bout a week and that is the reason I've felt drained lately.I had bounced back from failing the test and just kinda made peace with it and determined that I'd have to retake and show back up well and better prepared but now I just feel like quitting...but I'm not.If finding out my wife was cheating on me halfway through the course didnt make me give up a blowhard manchild with a god complex surely wont...yeah not very cheerful or "christian" sounding but I just needed to vent. Been going back to church since I've been home....its a good place that has brought some much needed healing to my life but I still struggle with depression and pain.My emotional state is much like a pond with a thin layer of ice...deceptively fragile and all too often shattered.Been trying to "move on"...I go days feeling like I'm making progress then a thought or emotion overwhelms me.I'm not one of these "drama" people whose life is like a bad daytime talkshow episode...I try to just hold my cards close to my chest...smile and joke like everything is ok...cause thats how I deal...its that dark and gallows type humor...the type that would cause me to complain that cigarettes could kill me if I were offered one with a blindfold before execution by firing squad.I know everybody has things they are going through...but I appreaciate you guys and your prayers...

RandyWayne · #2 02-24-2011, 08:33 PM

I noticed the "...my wife was cheating on me..." buried in the middle of the other things. One would assume that this was probably the biggest blow of them all. What is going on there? Is she now your ex-wife?

OneAccord · #3 02-24-2011, 08:40 PM

Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you, Bro Jedi. I could offer a thousand cliches to try to make you feel better, but none of them would work. The only thing I can say is this. right now, when things are the worst, is when God is making Himself real to you. I know you probably can't see it- and most likely sure don't feel it. But, its during the testing times that God makes Himself real to us. And, thats when we find out just how REAL we are.

Hope things turn around for you. Am praying, and if theres anything I can do, don't hesitate....

jediwill83 · #4 02-24-2011, 08:43 PM

yeah thats old news...ive been graduated like for 3 months and the cheating happened a couple of months before graduation...I moved back with my parents when I found out and drove back n forth to school which was 3 hours away...I was determined to stay with it and graduate cause I already had put alot of time and effort and money into it plus I felt like I had found my niche in life.I felt like being a good thing in the worst times of peoples lives would help me take my mind off me and my stuff.But yeah getting divorced...not the first marital issue we have had and went the counsoling route the first time...2 years later WHAM.

Cindy · #5 02-24-2011, 08:50 PM

Sorry to hear that, hope things get better. Will be praying for you.

jediwill83 · #6 02-24-2011, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneAccord

Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you, Bro Jedi. I could offer a thousand cliches to try to make you feel better, but none of them would work. The only thing I can say is this. right now, when things are the worst, is when God is making Himself real to you. I know you probably can't see it- and most likely sure don't feel it. But, its during the testing times that God makes Himself real to us. And, thats when we find out just how REAL we are.

Hope things turn around for you. Am praying, and if theres anything I can do, don't hesitate....

I appreciate it more than u will ever know....yea I got tired of cliches pretty quick...the "yeah I got dumped in elementary school so I obviously can relate with what you are going through" kind of stuff....people meaning well....but annoying.
I've heard it said that you can never know God as your healer unless you have been sick...you can never know him as your deliverer unless you have been bound...your provider unless you have been without...the examples are limitless so yeah I can totally see it as Gods way of revealing Himself...not saying he put a bug in my wifes ear and said "Thus sayeth Me...doeth the stupid thing and go cheat on thy not so beloved husband so I mighteth showeth himeth my faithfulnesseth"...cause God doesnt do that....but He does take situations that are bad as the result of sin and others bad choices under free will and make them so that good can come of them and He will get the glory...no....I dont blame God...I didnt go to church for a while cause honestly I was cold and I had gotten tired of trying to make someone go that didnt want to...and I got tired of making excuses to people why she wasnt there...not the best course of action but if you have a spouse that loves you...you are blessed indeed...trust me.

BeenThinkin · #7 02-24-2011, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jediwill83

yeah thats old news...ive been graduated like for 3 months and the cheating happened a couple of months before graduation...I moved back with my parents when I found out and drove back n forth to school which was 3 hours away...I was determined to stay with it and graduate cause I already had put alot of time and effort and money into it plus I felt like I had found my niche in life.I felt like being a good thing in the worst times of peoples lives would help me take my mind off me and my stuff.But yeah getting divorced...not the first marital issue we have had and went the counsoling route the first time...2 years later WHAM.

Bro. Jed.... like OneAccord said, words are so cheap at a time like this, so I'll spare you. The one thing that I would encourage you is ...."don't quit!" Finish your course, pass your test and then hide behind the fence and give the insulting instructor and your xwife the sign that a good Christian is not suppose to use, but you can get forgiveness for this one time. You know, the middle finger!

If anyone ask you who gave you that advice tell them Timmy okay. Or OldPathsII.

God bless you. I am praying for you!

Been Thinkin

jediwill83 · #8 02-24-2011, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeenThinkin

Bro. Jed.... like OneAccord said, words are so cheap at a time like this, so I'll spare you. The one thing that I would encourage you is ...."don't quit!" Finish your course, pass your test and then hide behind the fence and give the insulting instructor and your xwife the sign that a good Christian is not suppose to use, but you can get forgiveness for this one time. You know, the middle finger!

If anyone ask you who gave you that advice tell them Timmy okay. Or OldPathsII.

God bless you. I am praying for you!

Been Thinkin

ROFLOL.......I wouldnt call myself a good christian but thanks...I'm just trying to move on with life....lifes too short to be hatin.Way I look at it is I'm nearly 28 and in 2 years I'll be a paramedic....thats HER loss....and women just LOVE a guy in uniform....and disturbingly so do some guys. "RUN AWAY!!!!!!RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

OneAccord · #9 02-24-2011, 09:06 PM

Well, Jedi, I can't say I've been there and done that, but, I have had my heart torn right out of me...twice. The first time, well, I can't say I handled it very well. I went into a downward spiral that is taking alot of years to climb back out of. The 2nd time it happened... 3 years ago this month.... things were different. I guess this time I had learned to tust God's grace a little better. This time I found out it wasn't my so-called "works of righteousness" that was sustaining me. It was the same thing holding you up... God's Grace. And a whole lot os friends right here on AFF.

jediwill83 · #10 02-24-2011, 09:34 PM

yeah didnt handle it the best either....live and learn.