The Blood (Surreal Poem.)

[livefortruth]

I enjoy writing abstract, fractured surreal poetry, especially about God. I don't know how many folks here are into that kind of stuff or that kind of style but feel free to read and comment.


The Blood


Rushing, Cascading, flowing, blood of;
Yahweh- washing, scrubbing, drawing; sinners-
Dancing beneath the waterfall, with mouths
Wide open; gender, ethnicity, age, sophistry
Eroded, so vague, underneath the dark red blood
Bathing in the blood of a lamb from Jerusalem
Nations scream for joy, holy laughter erupts-
Beggars, Kings, Rich men, all come
Their garments are made white, made white,
White as snow. Tears fall, strong men tremble
Mothers hold their children. There is wrath, wrath,
Wrath outside the camp; screams of torment, lament,
Anguish, - In the city they were trampling the blood in the
Dirt, blood in the soil, dancing and shouting for glee
The Father shall avenge His Son; His wrath shall cascade,
Flow, rush upon the wicked- It shall not be ebbed.


http://charismatichristianity.blogsp...lood-poem.html

[gardenheart]

I could see it all... I really enjoyed it!

[livefortruth]

Originally Posted by gardenheart

I could see it all... I really enjoyed it!

Thanks, I try to be vivid

[Dante]

As a trained literary critic ( not as bad as it sounds ) - with the exception of a few grammatical errors I say you have a very compelling poem here. With a little bit of polishing your skills you will make a great poet some day. Keep up the good work.

[livefortruth]

Originally Posted by Dante

As a trained literary critic ( not as bad as it sounds ) - with the exception of a few grammatical errors I say you have a very compelling poem here. With a little bit of polishing your skills you will make a great poet some day. Keep up the good work.

I really appreciate your input. I actually purposefully violate grammar sometimes in poetry as a way of challenging typical writing conventions. Here is a bit of an extreme example:

http://charismatichristianity.blogsp...to-shokel.html

It's called "Ode to my Shokel."

If you don't know, to shokel is to pray while rocking back and forth or swaying in some way. Let me know what you think

You can comment here or E-mail me. My E-mail is on the blog in the "about" section.

[Dante]

livefortruth,

My pleasure. Since the grammatical errors are intentional that puts things in a whole new light. Especially considering that E. E. Cummings was famous for that very reason. To this day there is debate whether or not Cummings was just ignorant of grammar, or chose poor grammar as a way to express his art and set himself apart from every other poet.

Either way, great job. Your descriptions are very visceral, and that's the accent of a good poet - when you can paint a picture in some one's mind.

[livefortruth]

Originally Posted by Dante

livefortruth,

My pleasure. Since the grammatical errors are intentional that puts things in a whole new light. Especially considering that E. E. Cummings was famous for that very reason. To this day there is debate whether or not Cummings was just ignorant of grammar, or chose poor grammar as a way to express his art and set himself apart from every other poet.

Either way, great job. Your descriptions are very visceral, and that's the accent of a good poet - when you can paint a picture in some one's mind.

Thanks! I appreciate it!