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07-02-2014, 08:10 AM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
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Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Two years ago, I broke up with Facebook. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Like any big break up, I had complex reasons, but the biggest was that I simply did not trust Facebook. The relationship started out with the euphoria of new love, but over the years turned to something resembling abuse.
Facebook eerily insists on invading your life. It insinuates itself into your phone, it peeps through your contacts, wants to know your location. It tracks you even when you’re not on Facebook. Then it sells you to the highest bidder. We all know this, but we keep going back.
I left because I no longer trusted Facebook with cute pictures of my kids, I didn’t want it to catalog my political views. It doesn’t need a record of my evolving faith, what I ate for dinner, or my insomniac midnight searches for a sailboat in the Caribbean. Only friends deserve this level of revelation, although perhaps no one in his right mind would want it, and Facebook was increasingly not my friend. It felt more like a creepy uncle or a used car salesman.
Now, with the news breaking that Facebook allowed social scientists to manipulate news feeds, possibly in violation of ethical guidelines, to see how it affected our moods, I’m feeling vindicated.
http://thefederalist.com/2014/07/02/...ive-boyfriend/
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07-02-2014, 08:12 AM
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Registered Saint
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St. Louis Area
Posts: 1,615
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Facebook is the Mark of the Beast!
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In the Old Days, if you wanted to argue about religion you had to go to Church.
Nowadays you get on the internet!
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07-02-2014, 08:26 AM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
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Originally Posted by Disciple4life
Facebook is the Mark of the Beast! 
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I was at a nail salon with my daughter a year or more ago and was flipping through a magazine. I ran across a comment by Scarlett Johansson saying that she didn't know what this huge need for sharing was about on FB. Having been deciding whether to stay or not, the article facilitated my decision. I was like, "I know, right? Why do people want to share everything about themselves every day? It's exhausting to have to keep up with. It's like your phone ringing off the wall." LOL!
She makes a good point at the end of the article. And I also agreed with her point - "That kind of narcissism is hard to resist. It begins to feel natural."
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As with any relationship, Facebook will only be able to abuse us to the extent we allow it to do so. As a good relationship therapist will tell you, it’s all about setting boundaries. I don’t trust Facebook, so I don’t give it power over me, my information, or my moods.
We should ask ourselves one question: Do we get enough out of Facebook to make the abuse worthwhile?
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The funny thing is people will say, "Oh, I just keep up with friends and family." But, if you talk with them further, somewhere in the conversation they will talk about the "lurking" that they mainly do. That is just being freaky nosy, IMO. LOL!
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07-02-2014, 08:51 AM
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Registered Saint
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St. Louis Area
Posts: 1,615
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Our society glamorizes celebrities. We are told and taught to put them on pedestals so they can be worshiped as idols. I have always cringed at the word idol (teen idol, American Idol). What does this have to do with Facebook?
We so much want to be famous. We teach kids do anything they can to be a star. Be the best at sports so you can be a ball player or football star. Learn to sing, rap, play guitar so that you can be in the spotlight on the stage. Always try to get everybody's attention so that you can be the one everybody is talking about. What does this have to do with Facebook?
When all else fails we can still set ourselves up as famous, stars and idols. We get on Facebook and brag about what we have done, or about what we are going to do, or how many fake friends we have. Brag about our house, car, job or how much money we make.
Maybe one day the Facebook me can meet the real me. If they got together for lunch would they recognize each other? Maybe they should change the name to Fakebook. So many people put up fake lives. When their friends become jealous they idolize you. They talk about you and finally you are the center of attention.
__________________
In the Old Days, if you wanted to argue about religion you had to go to Church.
Nowadays you get on the internet!
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07-02-2014, 08:54 AM
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Registered Saint
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: St. Louis Area
Posts: 1,615
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
If you go to somebody else's neighborhood and peep into their window at night you might get shot or go to jail. If you do this on Facebook you are a friend checking up on them.
__________________
In the Old Days, if you wanted to argue about religion you had to go to Church.
Nowadays you get on the internet!
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07-02-2014, 09:08 AM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple4life
Our society glamorizes celebrities. We are told and taught to put them on pedestals so they can be worshiped as idols. I have always cringed at the word idol (teen idol, American Idol). What does this have to do with Facebook?
We so much want to be famous. We teach kids do anything they can to be a star. Be the best at sports so you can be a ball player or football star. Learn to sing, rap, play guitar so that you can be in the spotlight on the stage. Always try to get everybody's attention so that you can be the one everybody is talking about. What does this have to do with Facebook?
When all else fails we can still set ourselves up as famous, stars and idols. We get on Facebook and brag about what we have done, or about what we are going to do, or how many fake friends we have. Brag about our house, car, job or how much money we make.
Maybe one day the Facebook me can meet the real me. If they got together for lunch would they recognize each other? Maybe they should change the name to Fakebook. So many people put up fake lives. When their friends become jealous they idolize you. They talk about you and finally you are the center of attention.
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I guess I am just really angry because I see it effecting people I know and mainly effecting the youth. And I guess I am angry because I see what a strong hold social media has on people's lives. They are dependent on it and are lying that they are not dependent. Actually, more than being angry, I just feel really sad that we can't help people see what it is doing to their lives. Especially, as most won't admit it is effecting their lives.
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07-02-2014, 09:09 AM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple4life
If you go to somebody else's neighborhood and peep into their window at night you might get shot or go to jail. If you do this on Facebook you are a friend checking up on them. 
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07-02-2014, 11:06 AM
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Registered Member
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 958
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Facebook, like anything else, should be done in moderation. I love Facebook because I have contact with people both from my past or present that I might not otherwise have contact with because of our busy lives, distance, or just because.
I don't get involved with drama. I don't allow dramatic people on my friends list. I don't post statuses that I wouldn't want everyone to know about. I don't talk about the wrong my husband does. I don't discuss work. I don't detail my entire day the entire day. I don't get into personal discussions on my wall. I don't get into arguments with friends about the president. I don't have pity parties so everyone can feel sorry for me. I don't make generic statements like, "If you are trying to get to me, the joke is on you!", then, when people ask what I'm talking about, I tell them I don't want to discuss it on Facebook.
I don't address people who aren't reading my Facebook as if they are. I don't discuss my past as if I'm looking for pity or people to agree with me. I don't share political posters or videos. I don't sent out game requests, although I play some.
What I do on Facebook is share pics of my family, their accomplishments, speak about what God has done for me, share something about my church, wish everyone happy birthdays or holidays, and occasionally share a poster and tag my friends to whom it applies.
I don't have family that lives near me. I don't do snail mail or even email anymore. I love seeing pics of people and their families that I haven't seen in a long time, some since I was a child (which was quite a while ago, I have to admit). I have a grandmother still alive who I have to call on a regular basis and travel to see her when I can because she doesn't have a computer and says she will never get one! I recently saw her and she asked me about pictures. I told her if she had Facebook, she would see them.
She hit me on my head.
With her cane.
Some people cannot handle social media. They don't get enough attention in real life to fulfill themselves and social media has become an endless audience where someone, somewhere, will validate them as they need.
If you are one of those people, Facebook isn't for you. If you like Facebook but don't like drama, don't add those people to your friends list and delete them if they are already there.
Oh, and she really didn't hit me with her cane.
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07-02-2014, 12:07 PM
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On the road less traveled
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: On a mountain... somewhere
Posts: 8,369
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
My husband and I decided when myspace first came out, and then later facebook, that face-to-face relationships are best, and with all the personal privacy invasions that these kind of places abuse, we have stayed away from them.
Sadly, like Sasha just mentioned, people don't send pictures any more, either by mail or email. If you're not on FB, then you really don't know much if anything about them at all. I find this sad. I reach out to family members and send emails, or mail, but when asking them for a picture or an update, I find out it was on facebook. A cousin of mine had a much anticipated baby, and I never knew until months later that the baby was born, because it was on "facebook"...
So, I do see how facebook totally hinders relationships, both if you are on FB or not. It is just all sad to me. We have no regrets about not being on FB, except for the fact that many family and friends forget that we are not on FB, and we don't get to hear about important news, and never see pictures, unless we ask. That is an unfortunate side effect for us for not using FB. But, in spite of that, we still do not want to get involved with FB. Our life is very peaceful without it.
I also think that we can only handle so much information about relationships with others. Too much information about 200 people (or more) can put us on information overload, and cause more stress than we can handle in our lives. I also think that FB has caused more stress in relationships than it has helped.
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07-02-2014, 12:27 PM
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Not riding the train
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 48,544
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Re: Facebook Has Become A Manipulative Boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sasha
Some people cannot handle social media. They don't get enough attention in real life to fulfill themselves and social media has become an endless audience where someone, somewhere, will validate them as they need.
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I believe this is truly a part of it and also because we live in a very narcissistic society. I believe Social Media feeds into that and can include more than just FB, of course.
I read a study showing that 30% of the youth today have become more narcissistic. That number has doubled over a 30 year period and has generally always been attributed to older people in previous studies. Also during this 30 year period, there has been a 40% decline in empathy.
This is a good article hitting the main points of the effects of Social Media without being lengthy.
Even if you appear to be having a great experience, the largest percentage of people are not. That is what I am focusing on with this thread. And I do agree with moderation, which should encompass many more areas of our lives. I can admit I have not always been moderate on forum posting or reading and reporting on the news.
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