Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Mothers

[missdkendall]

So, the question came up at our church the other night between a few friends. I thought I would ask you all what you think. What do you think the chances of a single Apostolic guy, to choose to be with a girl that is Apostolic, and Holy Ghost filled, but already has a child??? Inquiring minds want to know!!!!!!

[TRFrance]

It happens all the time.

It's just a matter of whether the guy minds raising a kid that's not his own. Some guy's are fine with that. Others prefer not to.

[missdkendall]

Originally Posted by TRFrance

It happens all the time.

It's just a matter of whether the guy minds raising a kid that's not his own. Some guy's are fine with that. Others prefer not to.

So it doesn't matter that she has a child already, just if he is ready for one.... I'll take that to the youth group

[TRFrance]

Originally Posted by missdkendall

So it doesn't matter that she has a child already, just if he is ready for one.... I'll take that to the youth group

I cant speak for all men, of course. I just know how a lot of us men think, and what I've heard other men say about situations like that.

There are a lot of possible reasons and considerations...

Some men feel like they would rather start off with a clean slate, instead of taking on a kid that's just not theirs biologically.

Others may feel like they would rather go a few years into the marriage just getting used to being a married man, without having to instantly take on the role of being someone's father.

Others (especially if the kid is older) might be uneasy as to whether a child will accept and give them that respect as their father, the way they feel their biological child would.

Others might not want to deal with drama (possible conflicts, visitation rights, etc) from the "baby-daddy" if he's still in the picture

And I'm sure there are a bunch of other reasons out there.

But at the end of the day, I would like to think that most Apostolic men would prefer to marry a single mother who is a good and holy woman of God, than marry a woman who is childless, but whose walk with God is not where it should be.

[missdkendall]

I could not agree more. You know how young girls are though. THey are so worried they will never get married if they already have a baby. If they wait on the Lord, it will happen. I think...............

I think it depends on the situation. They may find husbands, they may not. If they already have children they have to consider that (to a large extent) in many ways their course in life is already set. A lot of things are already written in stone. That’s the long and short of it. There are no easy answers once a child comes into the picture. Actually if you think about it the easy answers disappear at conception. I've heard of some single moms deliberately remaining single in order to focus on raising their children in a godly manner. I think this is honorable. Most men would be impressed with godly, well behaved and personable children. I believe that would up the chances of a young woman finding a husband.

I am a single woman without children and don't know if I would marry a man that has children. For many of the same reasons stated by TRFrance. I know that step parent situations can work out, but sometimes they don't. The step parent/step child scenario can be a huge source of division in a marriage. Married couples are supposed to be one flesh. Relationships take enough effort without bringing in additional people to complicate things. For instance things seem fine on the outside until the step parent chastises the step child. Then it turns into "You're not my mom/dad" or "Please don't speak to MY child that way". Personally that isn't something that I would want to deal with. I wouldn't want to deal with the child's mother and other relatives either. No thanks. Not unless that was one anointed, spectacular, endearing, adorable child.

Originally Posted by missdkendall

I could not agree more. You know how young girls are though. THey are so worried they will never get married if they already have a baby. If they wait on the Lord, it will happen. I think...............

[RandyWayne]

I already had a son when I met my wife and she had no problem with it. He lives with his mother full time but I see him regularly. In fact, we'll be picking him up this Thursday morning and I will have him through Easter.
And he calls my wife "Gail" -which is as it should be.



It's a shame that more guys aren't accepting of kids that the mother may have already. As far as expecting to be called "Dad" by her kid(s), unless the biological father is completely out of the picture, DON'T! They are HIS kids more then yours, which can make any such situation very complicated.

[missdkendall]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I already had a son when I met my wife and she had no problem with it. He lives with his mother full time but I see him regularly. In fact, we'll be picking him up this Thursday morning and I will have him through Easter.
And he calls my wife "Gail" -which is as it should be.



It's a shame that more guys aren't accepting of kids that the mother may have already. As far as expecting to be called "Dad" by her kid(s), unless the biological father is completely out of the picture, DON'T! They are HIS kids more then yours, which can make any such situation very complicated.

Wow, another great way to look at it. You guys are pretty smart

[HeavenlyOne]

Sadly, there are lots of Apostolic single men with kids, but because they don't step up to the plate, the mother is the one with the 'proof', and he's off the hook.

[missdkendall]

But do you think men in church look at the single apostolic mothers differently than they do the ones without children?