Shunning: Biblical?

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Some of you on here may remember my story...I left my former UPC church last summer. My husband is a licensed UPC minister; he still attends the same church.

Earlier this summer, I was shopping at a local store that was having a sidewalk sale. While perusing through some pictures, I happened to glance up and see my former pastor's wife and her two daughters walking directly towards me. They were maybe ten feet away. I prepared myself to smile and be friendly, even though it felt a little awkward. However, I didn't get a chance, because as soon as they spotted me, all three of them froze in their tracks, and quickly turned the opposite direction, and hustled off. They darted straight to their vehicle, and I stood there frozen as I watched them drive quickly out of the parking lot. It was so bizarre. They obviously didn't want to see me at all.

Not only was this display hurtful...it bordered on ridiculous. I could only think to myself: "Well, even if a small part of me ever wanted to go back to that church, it's completely gone now." When I left that church, I did so quietly. I didn't leave out of anger or confrontation, so this behavior really puzzled me.

Has anyone else ever encountered this type of shunning, or even engaged in this type of behavior towards someone else? Does anyone out there believe that shunning is biblical, and if so, what types of circumstances do you believe it should be practiced?

That is ridiculous, hateful and ungodly!!! We experienced some of this behavior when we left a UC church many years ago, and went to another UPC church. When we left the UPC, there were some uncomfortable moments, but we had and still do have some friends and lots of family that treat us well. We made it a point to be friendly and not to be afraid to talk to folks. We also, knew we had not left God, so were are comfortable to be around believer of all stripes, and to extend the hand of fellowship to all.

He that has friends, must show HIMSELF friendly, this is the heart of the matter. Those that refuse friendship, it is their loss, and I am sorry for them.

[Mirth1981]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I appreciate it.

When I was "in the UPC", I don't remember treating people that way, even those that had left the church. Those types of attitudes are what made me begin to question my church's teachings over the years.

It kind of reminds me of the parable of the Good Samaritan...and how people passed by on the other side of the road and pretended not to see him.

[Rev]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I appreciate it.

When I was "in the UPC", I don't remember treating people that way, even those that had left the church. Those types of attitudes are what made me begin to question my church's teachings over the years.

It kind of reminds me of the parable of the Good Samaritan...and how people passed by on the other side of the road and pretended not to see him.

You might read this....

(Rom 16:17) Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them.

Many people feel they they are commanded to avoid people like you.

You said that your feeling were hurt. Have you considered how you made your husband feel when you left the church?

I should think that you destroyed his ministry. For if he can't keep his own wife in church how can he help or preach to anyone else.

It seems to me that you didn't only reject this church, but also the spiritual authority that God placed over you, i.e. your husband. (Eph 5:22-24)

I would suggest that you find a place to pray and repent and ask the Lord to help you get your flesh under subjection to the will of God.

[Godsdrummer]

Originally Posted by Mirth1981

Some of you on here may remember my story...I left my former UPC church last summer. My husband is a licensed UPC minister; he still attends the same church.

Earlier this summer, I was shopping at a local store that was having a sidewalk sale. While perusing through some pictures, I happened to glance up and see my former pastor's wife and her two daughters walking directly towards me. They were maybe ten feet away. I prepared myself to smile and be friendly, even though it felt a little awkward. However, I didn't get a chance, because as soon as they spotted me, all three of them froze in their tracks, and quickly turned the opposite direction, and hustled off. They darted straight to their vehicle, and I stood there frozen as I watched them drive quickly out of the parking lot. It was so bizarre. They obviously didn't want to see me at all.

Not only was this display hurtful...it bordered on ridiculous. I could only think to myself: "Well, even if a small part of me ever wanted to go back to that church, it's completely gone now." When I left that church, I did so quietly. I didn't leave out of anger or confrontation, so this behavior really puzzled me.

Has anyone else ever encountered this type of shunning, or even engaged in this type of behavior towards someone else? Does anyone out there believe that shunning is biblical, and if so, what types of circumstances do you believe it should be practiced?

Years ago I let my license with UPCI go for reasons I will not get into right now but lets just say the pastor and I had a good relationship and understanding and it was to be a temperary situation, in his and my eyes I was still a man of God without the card, I still preach when he was gone and taught bible studies and lead worship. The thing that hurt was not me as much as my wife as because I did not have a card that said I was a minister several of her best friends told her they could not be friends anymore as I was not lisenced. Incuding our best friends wife the pastor we were assisting. We were no longer invited over for dinner etc. Just rest in the knowledge and faith in God.

Originally Posted by Rev

You might read this....

(Rom 16:17) Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them.

Many people feel they they are commanded to avoid people like you.

You said that your feeling were hurt. Have you considered how you made your husband feel when you left the church?

I should think that you destroyed his ministry. For if he can't keep his own wife in church how can he help or preach to anyone else.

It seems to me that you didn't only reject this church, but also the spiritual authority that God placed over you, i.e. your husband. (Eph 5:22-24)

I would suggest that you find a place to pray and repent and ask the Lord to help you get your flesh under subjection to the will of God.

There is always someone like this quoting platitudes and traditions and vain deceits and phylosophy of man and not Christ.

From your point of view God created women of be an underclass citizen under the man. When God created woman equal to man in all things of importance. Read Eph 5:22-24 are you subject to Christ the same way you expect your wife to be to you? I think not, do you love your wife the way Christ love his church and gave himself for it? Again I think not or else you would not hold this macho rod of authority over her head as if she disagrees with you on anything she is out of the will of God. Ever think she just may know more than you do but as a man we have our head so far up our ... of mucho authority we cant see the light of day.

When a pastor or man cannot accept reason that they might be wrong THEY are sinning and out of the line of authority that is commanded in verse 21 of Ephesian submiting yourself one to another. Which Paul stated before he said wifes be in submition to her OWN husband. Her own husband is not by proxy the pastor.

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Rev

You might read this....

(Rom 16:17) Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them.

Many people feel they they are commanded to avoid people like you.

You said that your feeling were hurt. Have you considered how you made your husband feel when you left the church?

I should think that you destroyed his ministry. For if he can't keep his own wife in church how can he help or preach to anyone else.

It seems to me that you didn't only reject this church, but also the spiritual authority that God placed over you, i.e. your husband. (Eph 5:22-24)

I would suggest that you find a place to pray and repent and ask the Lord to help you get your flesh under subjection to the will of God.

Your counsel assumes the worst of Mirth and the best of those in the church she left. She never said that she left God, she left a group that are not biblical in their methods, her husband may or may not be in agreement with her actions. Paul said to follow him as he "follows Christ", no commandment to follow him no matter what he does, only as he follows the Lord. She has every right to seek after the Lord, and make decisions independent of misguided spiritual leaders, including her husband. She may very well be in right relationship with her husband, he may be trying to continue to help the church, but know he may have to leave as well.

[MomOfADramaQn]

Originally Posted by Rev

You might read this....

(Rom 16:17) Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned and avoid them.

Many people feel they they are commanded to avoid people like you.

You said that your feeling were hurt. Have you considered how you made your husband feel when you left the church?

I should think that you destroyed his ministry. For if he can't keep his own wife in church how can he help or preach to anyone else.

It seems to me that you didn't only reject this church, but also the spiritual authority that God placed over you, i.e. your husband. (Eph 5:22-24)

I would suggest that you find a place to pray and repent and ask the Lord to help you get your flesh under subjection to the will of God.

WOW! It's people with your mentality that drive people away from church. You are very judgemental considering you probably do not all the facts and really judgemental if you do have all the facts - seems maybe you should join her in that place to pray and repent (not agreeing with you she has done anything wrong - but just making a point).

[Truthseeker]

None here know what husbands position on her leaving.

[MomOfADramaQn]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

None here know what husbands position on her leaving.

Doesn't matter what his position is on her leaving - no one who claims to be a Christian should act in the way she says the pastor's wife acted.

In the church I grew up in there was a situation happened which caused a lot of the people in the church to leave (I would have left too if I would have still been there) - the pastor got in the pulpit and said they were not to speak to anyone and cut all ties with anyone that had left the church and did not agree with HIM, even if they were family members. I don't care what the situation is - there is NO bible to say that is how we are to treat others. Do I want to make Satanic Cult believers my best friends - absolutely NOT but I would never shun them in a public place.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by MomOfADramaQn

Doesn't matter what his position is on her leaving - no one who claims to be a Christian should act in the way she says the pastor's wife acted.

In the church I grew up in there was a situation happened which caused a lot of the people in the church to leave (I would have left too if I would have still been there) - the pastor got in the pulpit and said they were not to speak to anyone and cut all ties with anyone that had left the church and did not agree with HIM, even if they were family members. I don't care what the situation is - there is NO bible to say that is how we are to treat others. Do I want to make Satanic Cult believers my best friends - absolutely NOT but I would never shun them in a public place.

I wasn't refering to how she was treated. Was refering to post about her submitting to her husband in this situation. We don't even know what he has said or wants her to do. It's unwise to place a judgement on her such as Rev did because we don't know the situation between her and husband.

[MomOfADramaQn]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

I wasn't refering to how she was treated. Was refering to post about her submitting to her husband in this situation. We don't even know what he has said or wants her to do. It's unwise to place a judgement on her such as Rev did because we don't know the situation between her and husband.

AGREE - I would not have anything to do with the church for a long time because of people who would treat people like this - I did not want anything to do with their God if this was how their God made them behave. Thankfully I am at a place in my life where if I am treated this way it doesn't bother me. I know I have a relationship with Christ while they have a relationship with their religion - that is the difference.