Marriage is give and take

Trouvere · #1 06-03-2007, 09:42 PM

I thought I would post this here in large enough print for my eyes to be able to read.lol..I posted it on the Should sex be taught at church thread but really its not about sex.Its about what makes marriage work.
I would be interested in some good ideas and opinions by those who are married and what it takes to make the long run.We have been married for twenty-one years next December.The following is a scenario I witnessed today.It grieved me so.

Speaking of relationships.I spoke today with a person that I have known for along time.In the context of conversation the wife turned to the husband
and voiced this,"You always try to make me look stupid in front of our friends."
We were talking about surfing as he is a professional surfer.She hates the outdoors altogether.They have a gulf between them an ocean wide.
I left the conversation so grieved.I can see the divorce court so clear because neither is willing to give.
You have to give.You may not like the outdoors or the beach but have to put up with a trip or two just to be together and make the other person happy.
He may hate the mall but if a trip or two makes her happy go for it.
Marriage is give and take.You cannot always have things your way.
The other person has a voice and feelings as well.
A relationship does not begin in the bedroom.

I am sure some of you ladies who have been married for awhile can attest to this.
Sinful things you don't have to agree to but there are somethings that are not a sin and the other person enjoys so for the sake of the marriage
join them.Its not going to kill you to give a little.

Nahum · #2 06-03-2007, 09:43 PM

It's more take.

Trouvere · #3 06-03-2007, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

It's more take.

ahem....explain yourself

LadyCoonskinner · #4 06-03-2007, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

I thought I would post this here in large enough print for my eyes to be able to read.lol..I posted it on the Should sex be taught at church thread but really its not about sex.Its about what makes marriage work.
I would be interested in some good ideas and opinions by those who are married and what it takes to make the long run.We have been married for twenty-one years next December.The following is a scenario I witnessed today.It grieved me so.

Speaking of relationships.I spoke today with a person that I have known for along time.In the context of conversation the wife turned to the husband
and voiced this,"You always try to make me look stupid in front of our friends."
We were talking about surfing as he is a professional surfer.She hates the outdoors altogether.They have a gulf between them an ocean wide.
I left the conversation so grieved.I can see the divorce court so clear because neither is willing to give.
You have to give.You may not like the outdoors or the beach but have to put up with a trip or two just to be together and make the other person happy.
He may hate the mall but if a trip or two makes her happy go for it.
Marriage is give and take.You cannot always have things your way.
The other person has a voice and feelings as well.
A relationship does not begin in the bedroom.

I am sure some of you ladies who have been married for awhile can attest to this.
Sinful things you don't have to agree to but there are somethings that are not a sin and the other person enjoys so for the sake of the marriage
join them.Its not going to kill you to give a little.

Awesome post, Sis.

My husband and I are as different as daylight and dark. At times, compromise has been a really bumpy road, but in the end, it was alway worth it.

Like you said, Marriage is give and take. Sometimes it's a little more give, but in the end it will all work out.

Trouvere · #5 06-03-2007, 10:01 PM

Amen and who knows you may end up liking some of the experiences after all.
I used to hate computers.I would walk through the living room at least twenty feet away from ours.One day I decided to brush up on my typing skills.
I called my husband at work and he talked me through setting up the program.That was it.I was hooked.I used to change the conversation
when he began tech talk.The truth was I didn't know what he was talking
about.Its like football for instance.I grew up playing it with friends but
never rally understood the technicalities of the game.I allowed my husband
to explain it to me.I can't say I really like it now but just letting him
talk and listening and learning a few things was a good idea.

Hoovie · #6 06-03-2007, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

I thought I would post this here in large enough print for my eyes to be able to read.lol..I posted it on the Should sex be taught at church thread but really its not about sex.Its about what makes marriage work.
I would be interested in some good ideas and opinions by those who are married and what it takes to make the long run.We have been married for twenty-one years next December.The following is a scenario I witnessed today.It grieved me so.

Speaking of relationships.I spoke today with a person that I have known for along time.In the context of conversation the wife turned to the husband
and voiced this,"You always try to make me look stupid in front of our friends."
We were talking about surfing as he is a professional surfer.She hates the outdoors altogether.They have a gulf between them an ocean wide.
I left the conversation so grieved.I can see the divorce court so clear because neither is willing to give.
You have to give.You may not like the outdoors or the beach but have to put up with a trip or two just to be together and make the other person happy.
He may hate the mall but if a trip or two makes her happy go for it.
Marriage is give and take.You cannot always have things your way.
The other person has a voice and feelings as well.
A relationship does not begin in the bedroom.

I am sure some of you ladies who have been married for awhile can attest to this.
Sinful things you don't have to agree to but there are somethings that are not a sin and the other person enjoys so for the sake of the marriage
join them.Its not going to kill you to give a little.

Trouvere,
Kristin and I have been married 15 yrs. this coming Wednesday. We have had a few bumps but never has divorce been contemplated by either of us.

My advice to make a Christian marriage work would be three things;

1.
Know that the union is sacred and is not dependent on how you feel about one another, or whether you "love" or "hate" each other at the moment.

2.
Communication is a master key. The lines of communication must stay open, this should begin long before the marriage ceremony. One must be able to freely express their thoughts and feelings with the other, and communication, like the union it'self should be considered sacred, and a basic tenet.

3.
Money. Do not live above your means. Few marriges survive bankruptcies, and constant financial strain. The plan for the family existence and living should be developed on the income of the head of household only. If a second income is realized later, you should not become dependent on it.

If there is peer-pressure to live above your means and become dependent on two full-time incomes, remove your self from those influences - even if it means removal from a church.

Trouvere · #7 06-03-2007, 10:45 PM

The financial stress is one that we have weathered a time or two.
It does put considerable strain on your marriage but then
the words....for better for worse....for richer for poorer seem
to echo and echo and echo.
The fact is promises made before God if you are committed to Him
should override any financial difficulty.It is a shame that few marriages
survive them.I would like to see a pie chart of the causes of failures
of apostolic peoples marriages say for the last ten years.It would be
hard to get the info but I am sure it would be enlightening.
I am sure there are some who have failed marriages who would
love to give the advice about things they would never do again
if given the chance.

Hoovie · #8 06-03-2007, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

The financial stress is one that we have weathered a time or two.
It does put considerable strain on your marriage but then
the words....for better for worse....for richer for poorer seem
to echo and echo and echo.
The fact is promises made before God if you are committed to Him
should override any financial difficulty.It is a shame that few marriages
survive them.I would like to see a pie chart of the causes of failures
of apostolic peoples marriages say for the last ten years.It would be
hard to get the info but I am sure it would be enlightening.
I am sure there are some who have failed marriages who would
love to give the advice about things they would never do again
if given the chance.

The problem with the stats... If there is tremendous financial strain, there is also a greater likelyhood of other things happening that might be the "straw that breaks the camels back"...

stmatthew · #9 06-03-2007, 10:50 PM

I was speaking to a gentleman a few days ago on this subject, and he said that he had interviewed a man married for over 40 years, and asked him the secret. This old man stated that Most people state that marriage is a 50/50 deal. But he said that isn't really true. A real relationship is 90 to 100% give on both sides.

I would say that this is correct. Christ gives his all for his bride, and his bride forsakes all to follow him. 100% giving with nothing held back.

Hoovie · #10 06-03-2007, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stmatthew

I was speaking to a gentleman a few days ago on this subject, and he said that he had interviewed a man married for over 40 years, and asked him the secret. This old man stated that Most people state that marriage is a 50/50 deal. But he said that isn't really true. A real relationship is 90 to 100% give on both sides.

I would say that this is correct. Christ gives his all for his bride, and his bride forsakes all to follow him. 100% giving with nothing held back.

With that approach - good things will be sure to happen.