Kids in Church

Pro31:28 · #1 07-29-2008, 05:13 AM

My children are now 11 and almost 15. I have had my own thoughts about children in service, and I am facing a tiny obstacle at my own church. And I wanted some opinions (and this place is full of them!).
I have always felt like children should be in at least part of a church service. We taught our children very young how to act in church (no eating cheerios, but they were allowed to bring coloring books, quiet toys, etc). My daughter never wanted to go to the nursery so she always stayed with me, and later she would go to children’s church occasionally, but often continued to stay with us. She loves the worship part of the service and we feel like it is important for her to take part in it. I think all kids should spend at least part of a service with adults so that they have some experience with it.
My daughter is only allowed to go to children’s church until the end of summer so this will become a moot point; however, they are not allowing her to go into children’s church after worship. She has to go at the beginning or not at all. Which is fine, she will just stay in the service…

But I wanted some AFF feedback on this.

*If you have children at home, do they spend any part of the service with you? At what point does your church make the transition from children’s church to “Big Church”

*If your children are grown, how did you raise them in regards to this?

*If you have no children, what do think of this, and how did your parents raise you?

*Any Pastors, what is your ‘rule of thumb’ regarding this?

Rhoni · #2 07-29-2008, 05:21 AM

Children should sit in church supervised and taught by their parents. They should never go to the restroom without being acompanied by their parent. Nurseries are not the place for children. It is difficult during the early years to sit in service with an infant or child but unless they are taught and modelled how to behave in the house of God it will always be a problem.

Every church is different. Televised services do not allow young children in the services because it is a disruption to the service but in normal services that are not televised...a baby crying should be the norm and looked at as a blessing and not a disruption.

My thoughts on the matter. I hate sitting in nurseries with babies, and gossippy moms.

Blessings, Rhoni

Pro31:28 · #3 07-29-2008, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Children should sit in church supervised and taught by their parents. They should never go to the restroom without being acompanied by their parent. Nurseries are not the place for children. It is difficult during the early years to sit in service with an infant or child but unless they are taught and modelled how to behave in the house of God it will always be a problem.

Every church is different. Televised services do not allow young children in the services because it is a disruption to the service but in normal services that are not televised...a baby crying should be the norm and looked at as a blessing and not a disruption.

My thoughts on the matter. I hate sitting in nurseries with babies, and gossippy moms.

Blessings, Rhoni

This is precisely the way that I feel, but I am finding that some people don't want children in church at all.

MrsMcD · #4 07-29-2008, 06:11 AM

My son is eleven and he goes to worship and preaching with us and then we split to go to Sunday School. I like the way we do it.

The other church I attend a lot (my dad's church) we have worship then the kids go to Sunday School during preaching. I like this way less but I think a lot of churches do it this way.

MrsMcD · #5 07-29-2008, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

This is precisely the way that I feel, but I am finding that some people don't want children in church at all.

This is sad!

AmazingGrace · #6 07-29-2008, 06:14 AM

I agree with Rhoni. My pastor for the majority of my life... raised me on how to act and be in church... he made sure I sat in the front where he could see me and my sister and if we talked he would call us out.. very simple.. so later then came kids

I had my son and he had colic I always wanted to run the second he began to cry because I was afraid he would distrupt the service but I never did. First time I did yep I disrupted service alright.. he stopped and made the comment almost exactly as Rhoni just did. Crying babies are welcomed here and if you have been raised to sit in the church and cry or learn and listen so should be the same... Raise a child in the way they should go he always said... When mine became old enough to go to SS they would be allowed however I would go get them as soon as class was over. Childrens church was a no go for my kids... they would cry. when he found out they despised it... they then became no longer allowed to go.. they were to sit and listen and worship with everyone else... At 4 yrs old my kids became SS only kids and they never would go to anything else there...

Now please do not get me wrong my pastor was not a controlling person by any means... he was very partial to mine and my sisters kids and wanted to make sure we raised them right because they were his "other grandkids" and he had pretty much raised us as much as church went and he made sure we raised our kids right too... Even tho we both messed up our lives pretty bad our kids did indeed grow up in church and with the utmost respect for the house of God!!!!

As for now my kids do go to youth SS class.. they are involved in our student ministry group so they do have to miss many services but that is because they are out leading our churches children church or planning other ministry programs... their normal schedule is SS and then come into worship service... sun nite worship service they are there on occasion I think its once a month they stay out 2nd hr on sun morn to work power hour and then every wed night they have either childrens church or salt practice or salt intercessory prayer but they are always in some form of church... they get preaching in any of these things they are involved in as they even have a guest preacher in each of their salt meetings...

Not sure if any of this helped you but very simply... keep them in church as much as possible... they will learn and grow so much from it!!!!!

MissBrattified · #7 07-29-2008, 06:45 AM

Well, you have older children, so it's definitely appropriate for them to participate in the regular service. And why is there such a strict rule about when they can join children's church? (Beginning or not at all....)

My kids never spent much time in the nursery, except when I was nursing them, or if they were fussy. (But I took them out--and brought them back when they were calm.)

With small children, I do think we should be aware of two things:

* Short attention spans, and reasonable expectations of what a child can sit through.
* Making sure your child doesn't prevent others, especially visitors or sinners, from hearing the Word of God. I didn't punish my children for crying or making noise--but it isn't all about me--it's also about other people trying to hear God's Word. Some people are simply bothered by fussy babies, plain and simple.

Unfortunately, today's church format is not extremely child-friendly, especially, as mentioned, those churches who video their services.

I read one time that Jewish women are allowed to keep their children at home, and their husbands go worship for them, while their children are small. It's understood that the small child and the "temple" don't mix well, and that a mother's priority is to her (small, dependent) children. That might be something to consider.

As for older children...we not only expect our children to be present in service, but to participate. We have instructed our children that it is discourteous to remain seated if others are standing (especially elders), and that they should sing along with songs, and more recently, we have them opening their Bibles to the text and following along. (Even though the scriptures are up on the screen.)

However. I DO like children's church, because it's still worship and the Word, but on a child's level. So for younger children, I think this is GREAT. Is the point for our children to learn about God? Or to learn how to sit still in church and pretend they understand what the minister is saying? With that in mind, it can also depend on the type of ministers you have in your church--if they are "kid-friendly", then you may be more inclined to include your children in service more. If they tend to speak regularly about deep subjects and talk about Greek and Hebrew, then children will be better served in a less rigid and academic atmosphere, IMO.

At this time, our children participate in service, all three of them sit on the front row during music, while we play, and all three sit politely next to us during the sermon. They don't go out to get drinks, and they don't use the restroom unless it's really an emergency. However, Hannah is 12 and Sarah is 10, and I think they are just now starting to "get something out of" the music and sermon. Jeffrey, age 5, has already vocalized that he prefers his Wednesday night Bible class to Sunday morning service.

So, I think there needs to be both--worship and the Word on the child's level, and integration into the adult service, gradually, as the child's attention span and intellect increases.

I never mind nursery duty, though.

I love a chance to hold all the babies. And I think it's good for mothers to have the opportunity to be in service for 45 minutes to an hour, and get a little "break." Once or twice a week is certainly not going to interfere with the bond between mother and child, is it? I never could stand to not be holding my kids, or have them right next to me, but for visitors, and those who need it, the nursery is a good thing.

Just my musings....

MissBrattified · #8 07-29-2008, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

This is precisely the way that I feel, but I am finding that some people don't want children in church at all.

I don't think that's really the case at all. I think they don't want children in church who haven't been taught how to behave, and that is reasonable. I think perhaps, they don't want to sit next to a screaming, colicky baby, not because thy dislike the baby, but because they can't hear the sermon. Parents should be conscious of this, and not let their in-church parenting and training interfere with others' ability to hear the Word.

Jeff and I started training each child at age 2 or 3 to sit in service, and there were no visits to the nursery. If they were disruptive or misbehaving, we removed them from service, but not for playtime. Just until they calmed down. Then we immediately brought them back in. You'd be surprised how quickly it registers with the child that its more fun to sit in service with Mommy and be able to look at all the people, then to sit firmly on Daddy's lap in the entry, with no playtime or wandering allowed.

And we never spanked them just for being wiggly.

MissBrattified · #9 07-29-2008, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

My son is eleven and he goes to worship and preaching with us and then we split to go to Sunday School. I like the way we do it.

The other church I attend a lot (my dad's church) we have worship then the kids go to Sunday School during preaching. I like this way less but I think a lot of churches do it this way.

I like our church format better--Sunday morning, everyone is present for worship service and the sermon. Classes are on Wednesday night, with no music--just class, and everyone goes directly to class as soon as they arrive. I do dislike the churches where children never have the opportunity to be in the main service. And if they have class of some sort, of course that's where they are going to want to be.

Bottom line for us: We wouldn't even attend a church that wasn't "family-friendly." But at the same time, we have to be courteous and considerate of other people who are in the same services we are, and want to hear and participate. If my children are not participating, and are only serving as a distraction, then they need to be removed, corrected, and then try again.

MissBrattified · #10 07-29-2008, 07:00 AM

In case my question got lost in my post...

...why is there such a strict rule about children's church and when you can go? I think it's perfectly reasonable to have an older child (especially the oldest one) attend the worship service in the sanctuary, and join children's church later.

What does your daughter prefer? Does she want to be in the main service now? And if she will be moving into the adult service later this year, anyway, and likes children's church, should you just let her enjoy the last few services and not worry about integrating her early? I'm sure she will do just fine, even if she has to wait a couple more months.

If your daughter likes to be in the adult service, and the children's church won't allow latecomers (for whatever reason--and I think that's weird), then just let her choose which service to be in, until she's too old to attend children's church.