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Old 01-17-2013, 10:54 AM
Originalist Originalist is offline
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2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Is it a trial, or just reaping the consequences of procrastination and indecision?

I came to the Lord on Oct 29.1980, just 2 weeks after my 15th birthday. While I've never "backslid", I've certainly settled into spiritual ruts and comfort zones, and have had to be reproved by my Father on many occassions. In all these years I've been blessed with jobs and income that are better than average for the area I live in. I've had a great work record and get along well with everyone. And for the record, I've been a faithful giver, even sacfrificially a times.

In 2000, I was introduced to a home based business that literally changed my life. I worked it quietly around my regular job and activities. By 2005, the income from this HBB had surpassed that of my regular job which kept me on the road and away from home four days a week. So, in July of 2005, I quit my job to be home with my wife and daughter who had just been born that month. I only had to work 20 hrs a week from home and had quality time with family that most people only dream about. We set some savings goals that we planned to implement after renovations on our house were complete. Plus, with my wife being from another country, it was quite costly to go visit her family every year. But we had the money to do it, thank God.

In January of 2009, my pastor preached a message concerning Job. He stressed how Job actually worshipped God after he had just received all the bad news of calamities. At the end of the message, my very reserved pastor (especially when it comes to spiritual gifts), stated that God had impressed upon him that many people in our congregation of 200 were about to enter into a period of extreme difficulty trial and suffering, and that we all needed to prepare ourselves spiritually for this time. Then he said that God had impressed upon him that there was someone in particular who was going to be defrauded out of thousands of dollars and that they'd just have to accept it and trust God with their life. Somehow in my heart I knew he meant me, though there were no visible signs that anything bad was about to happen. At the end of the servive, the awesome prescence of God descended like a cloud of great peace. A message in tongues went forth, and the interpretation stressed that we were to "be of good courage".

Life went on as usual for about four moths. Then it happened. While in Mexco in April of 2009 preparing to fly down members of our church for an evangelism blitz, I recived a phone call with distressing news about my income stream. There had been a sudden drop in business and the out look was bad. Then, the swine flu scare happened and all churches in Mexico were closed until further notice. So, we had to notify our team not to come. Then I was hit with a severe sinus infection that literally put me in the bed. So there I lay in Mexico. sick as a dog, ministry hopes dashed, financial future looking bleek, and feeling pretty low. Then to top things off, a member of my wife's family made a horrible, untrue accusation about me in order to cast a shadow on my reputation in the minds of others. I could literally feel the oppression of the enemy.
When we got home, we immediately knew that we'd have to sell our home we had lived in for six years.

This was very hard on my wife who was now several months pregnant with our second child. The housing bubble was bursting and our home value plummeted. I bought the home in 2003 , brand new, for 94K. In 2006 someone offered my 215K for it, but my wife simply was not interested in moving after living there for just 3 years. Our income had been cut by 50 percent. School was out, so there were no sub teaching jobs available (my only other source of income). Between May and september of 2009 I filled out 80 job apps and did not receive one phone call for an interview. Then in the Fall of 2009, my 73 year old mom, who had always enjoyed great health and looked 15 years younger than her age, began to experince strange symptoms that the doctors could not figure out. By the time my second child was born on Sept 9 of that Fall, my mom was so weak that she couldn't drive the 90 minutes to come help us with the baby.

On November 22, 2009 my mom was admitted to the hospital. She would not leave that hospital until she passed from this life 2-1/2 months later on Feb 3, 2010. The doctors discovered that she had some sort of strange, autoimmune disorder. During her stay in the hospital, I was only able to visit it her four brief times due the continuing struggle with the sinus infection I had contracted in Mexico. This infection plagued me for a year and a half. In January of 2010 we experienced 12 straight nights here in Florida of temperatures in the teens. Instead of being with my mom, I had to stay up and freeze protect the many plants and shrubs that normally can withstand Florida winters without a problem. My home would not likely sell if all the landscaping was dead.

In the Spring of 2010, my income suddenly roared back to life. For 13 straight weeks I made no less than a thousand dollars a week. In May of that year a lady made an offer on our house. She offered us asking price!! Our price was actually a little high considering that there were homes that had just been built, and in nice neighborhoods, that were selling for 30 thousand dollars less than ours (our home was on a dirt road out in the country). So we praised God for this! However, the very day we signed the papers accepting her offer, we received news that the spike in our income was over and to expect another prolonged dry spell. At the closing in June of 2010, we discovered that the lady who was buying our home was an illegal alien. Yet she managed to recieve a 2 percent interest loan from the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture!! This was the last straw for my wife, who migrated to this country legally in 2001. We had been turned down for a "loan modification", but an illegal immigrant gets a 2% interest loan! It was a hard pill to swallow.

After fees, we cleared about 20 thousand dollars on the sale of the home. But if you add up interest and priciple paid, we lost around 10 thousand dollars. We inherited my mom's 30 year old double wide about 90 minutes away. We used some of the sale money to remodel her place and have been living there since. My HBB income sputtered along until September of 2011 when it suddenly spiked again!! Maybe my trial was coming to a close finally! But alas, the trial had only begun. An associate of mine secretly took an offer with another company and began an aggressive cross recruiting campaign that completely destroyed my business. Thus my pastor's prophecy was fulfilled. I did land a sub teaching job that lasted almost the entire Spring semester of 2012. As Summer approached, I began to search for a Summer job. But even with a Bach degree, and with excellent references, I did not even find a job bagging groceries the entire Summer! By the Fall of 2012 we were completely out of money. In November of last year I finally found a 20 hr a week job at Walgreen's making 8 dollars and hour, and the only reason I got that job was because I pleaded with the manager to look at my application. She said she could not use me, but 15 minutes later she called very excited saying that my application had been flagged "highly recommended"and that I could start immediatley.

The drawback is that I'm now woking seven days a week for a fourth of the money I used to make. We are barely making it to church for one service a week. We have ZERO family outings now due to my work schedule. This is so unfair to my wife. We have one car, we live in the middle of nowhere, so she's basically marooned.

There have been some bright spots, however. Due to the drop in income, I now qualify for a privately funded program that sends kids of "low income" parents to private school!! My 7 year old daughter's Christian school is just 3 minutes from the High School where I work. The staff of this school are primarily CoG members and showered our family with gifts this past Christmas (Those EVIL Trinitarians!!). My pastor has helped us by paying my ministerial dues. But since I started missing church allot ,and had to basically drop all ministry participation, we've been getting strange looks from the members. I don't know what to make of that. We have never asked anyone for a dime and we do not discuss our situation with many people there. This is a church full of professional people who live the lifestyle we once enjoyed. Maybe they are "Job's comforters" at heart. But I'm just guessing.

We recently filled out paperwork to become "Associates in Missions" (AIMS), which is the first step to missionary appointment. Sadly, this process has been delayed by a huge division that has occured within our denomination in the country we applied for. Until that situation is resolved, our application is on hold. But our pastor has encouraged us to launch out anyway since my wife has family in that country, and not to wait for the organization to get its act together. My uncle has agreed to buy our property, which will be a huge shot in the arm and enable us to afford the move. My brother-in-law has offfered to give us one of his rental houses in Mexico as an offering! What a blessing!

But here is my problem. I am haunted by overwhelming feelings of failure. I feel like a total LOSER. In spite of the fact that it seems we were forewarned by God about this trial, and that we should "be of good courage", and in spite of other words of hope that people have felt led to speak to me, I still feel like have have totally let my family down. I wonder if this is really a "trial" at all, or is it just the consequences of bad decisions, or indecision on my part? The thought that there really is purpose behind all of this is the only thing that keeps me going at times. If this was happening to someone else, I'd be showering them with words of faith , hope, and grace; assuring them that even if they are to blame, that God still loves them and will turn it all around as they humble themself before him. I can't seem to find the strength to speak these words to myself. My loving wife constantly assures me that none of this was my fault. God bless her.

Bottom line. I'm going through the trial of my life and could really use your prayers. Thank you.

Last edited by Originalist; 01-17-2013 at 12:22 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-17-2013, 11:07 AM
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Amanah Amanah is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Precious Brother in Christ, and preacher of the gospel of our Lord, this scripture came to mind when I was reading your post.

2 Corinthians 4

4 Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

11 For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;

14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:11 AM
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Bella1 Bella1 is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

My heart hurts for you. Please do not think you are a failure. You have provided for your family. Yes, you have hit some tough times, but life is like that. Up's and down's and all around's.
Someone else may come along with more eloquent words and maybe a scripture to help you out. But I understand. REALLY understand what you are going through.

My prayer is that you don't lose FAITH. And my prayers are with you and your family.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:17 AM
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Cindy Cindy is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Prayers for you and your family. May God grant you peace and joy.
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If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8 KJV

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 KJV
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:57 AM
AreYouReady? AreYouReady? is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Be of good courage.

I think you should stand on those words. If God relayed these words to you, then they mean something.

Nobody in this world always 'gets it right' at all times in their life. That is why we are called human.

You do your best to provide. That is all anybody can ever ask out of a man who loves his family.

Your wife is right. It isn't your fault.

At one time my husband came home with what we considered to be large paychecks. We had all our insurance paid for free as a benefit. His company had company picnics and gave away thousands of dollars in prize drawings. I would estimate those picnics cost the company $50,000 or more. He had Christmas bonuses in addition to paid holidays.

Now, years later, my husband's paycheck gets smaller every year due to rising insurance and now payroll tax costs. He came home one day about 10 years ago with a letter saying that due to rising health costs, we were going to have to share in the payment of the premiums. We did not realize that this was the start of our declining income. Every year that payment gets larger and larger. Now even with Obamacare, we are paying a larger share out of his weekly salary than ever before. Any 25 cent/hour raise he receives gets eaten up by insurance costs. We went without a raise for 3 years during the housing bubble. But the insurance costs kept rising.

And one year, he was laid off for 2 weeks in October, 2 weeks in November and most of December. I think that is the same year everything hit you. Then when they finally got going again in January, the people were called back for a 20 hour work week, for about 6 weeks, which much of that money earned was taken out for current and back insurance payments.

We are living on a paycheck that inflation has surpassed several times. When gasoline rises, we stay home. We don't buy unnecessary items. We haven't been on a vacation in 12 years. We don't have a cell phone plan because we don't want to be tied up in a 2 year contract. We don't spend money on cable t.v., satellite, xm radio or any of those unnecessary things. We never know from week to week if he will get to work or not. God is still good.

We tried planting gardens. Unlike previous years, it just burns up every year in the ground despite that we water it. My tomato plants start to produce small tomatoes then the plant turns "crispy" despite watering and fertilizer and dies.

One year, he planted the tomatoes in a different spot, under some trees. The plants grew large, green and produced large tomatoes. Just before they were getting ready to ripen, rains came in and in just two days the tomato plants took in so much water that all those big beautiful tomatoes burst. We were kicking ourselves for not picking them and letting them ripen on a table. But we just did not think that in two days the tomatoes would burst.

There is more, but no sense in being boring on my part. You get the idea.

Yet, through all these setbacks, as a wife, I know my husband is doing everything he is physically able to do to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads.

Your wife believes that too.

Our house is old. There are needed repairs that we cannot afford to pay right now. In our region, the city demolishes homes that are not 'up to code'. Not having funds is no excuse. Luckily we do not live in the city. But we expect at some time the county will adopt these codes too.

None of that really matters. I don't care. I love and support him.

I am willing to bet that your wife feels the same way too.

You and your wife cling to each other and the two of you together cling to Christ. Don't let that enemy of your souls discourage you in Christ.

Life is much more than raiment and the things we used to pay to enjoy. God gave us so much more to enjoy than what this world has to offer.

God is still there for you. He always will be. We cannot measure God's love by the amount of earthly goods we possess. Those things are temporal. But we know God's love is eternal and that better times are coming our way. Christ is coming soon.
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Last edited by AreYouReady?; 01-17-2013 at 12:42 PM.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:18 PM
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MawMaw MawMaw is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Dear Brother O you are most definitely NOT a failure.
Your testimony brought me to tears.
I admire how you've gone on, thru the midst of all
the dry spells. All of us sure have them. I could tell
of many trying times my family has also been through.
Things are good to have, but, they are not that important.
Our family and our faith in our God is what counts.
God is with us and will not forsake us.
Praying for you and you pray for me and my family too please!
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:32 PM
mizpeh mizpeh is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Praying for you and your family.

David, Moses, Joseph, and other godly men in the Bible struggled for years with what looked like failure but God brought them out into a large place. God will do the same with you.
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To be a servant of God, it will cost us our total commitment to God, and God alone. His burden must be our burden... Sis Alvear
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:43 PM
Pliny Pliny is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

This may sound harsh but it is not intended to be. I understand the consternation all to well. Sometimes life is simply not fair. There are some things we simply cannot "prepare" for. I see things coming down the road and want to "prepare" for them but can't due to circumstances beyond my control. For me maybe that is why these circumstances have come upon me - me having faith in preparations instead of God. I don't know. He has seen me through some very troubling times. So troubling I had a man pull a gun on me and I told him to shoot. Frankly it was not because of bravado but simply because I know where I am going and I am tired of what will be at least another three years of these circumstances. The thought of going "home" was a welcome escape - not bravado. The bottom line is that we as men must suck it up and deal with it. I am tired of it all but I have a family that needs me and there will be an end sometime in the future. We do the best we can and that is all we can do. Leave the rest up to God. Gird yourself up like a man and press towards the mark of the high calling. Leaving those things which are behind and press towards the mark. Some things only God can sort out. Leave it in His capable hands.

I will pray for you and would appreciate your prayers for me.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:46 PM
AreYouReady? AreYouReady? is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Good afternoon Brother Pliny.

You just wrote how my husband and I sometimes feel about our own situation. Thank you.

As partners with our husbands, we women must learn to suck it up too. Up or down, we stand by our God-fearing husbands.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:08 PM
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Ron Ron is offline
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Re: 2-1/2 years into a severe trial

Originalist,

I read your post & can feel your hurt, frustration, & mind full of endless questions that seem to have no answers.
I am so thankful that God is with us no matter what, trials, test, we may go through.
I too have gone through times of tremendous trials & tests & was in a service on Jan 2012 with Eli Hernandez & it was a fantastic message about Jacob & Jabok.
At the altar my Pastor came & prophesied over me & said that, God saw where I was & he saw what I was going through & that to remember he died for me & to look to him--not man for my help & support. He then said Satan hath tried to sift you as wheat.
Yeah, just what I wanted to hear.
He then said that this tial would soon be over & would I worhip him?

That prophecy could easly nto apply to anyone of us at one time or another & remember,
it isn't our stuff that defines us, it is our relationship with him that defines us.
Stuff will come & go, but our relationship with the Lord is forever.
He sees us, knows us, & is able to take us through anything & cause us to be overcomers.
t is interesting to note when Jesus said to Peter that when Satan was trying to sift him, he said I have prayed that his faith fails not.
He didn't say we had to understand it, like it, enjoy it, he said that, in the end are we still going to have faith in god.

God is good & he ain't through you yet & seeing the things that you have gone through I can almost surmise that God has good things in store for your future if you hang in there.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through what you have had to face, but I am praying for you & will be beleiving that this trial will soon have an end.

Bless you Brother & may God grant you peace & comfort to you & your family.

Praying for you & feel free to message me anytime!
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