I had fallen so deep into trouble all i had was pain and emptiness,i no longer knew the way out.i felt as though thats the way life is.
I started smoking weed,drinking alcohol very young,before you know it i was strung out on herion.
I kept getting in trouble cutting school,all i could think of was parties and looking good.i drank until i blacked out.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I got deeper in drugs
i searched for love and i always found pain
i was molested,and rapped so many times.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I went from juvenille hall to jail to prisons.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I od on herion a few times.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I stared using more trying different drugs
paint sniffing,herion,cocaine,acid,booze,weed,kj
to fill what was so empty -yet i always found myself in pools of pain.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I was living with a man who beat me for 18 years
who told me ugly things that stuck in my head
like no guy will ever like you just me.youre a scum bag!
I wasent supposed to make it!
The words stood in my head for a long time.
Why bother going to school your dumb.you'll never be anything!
Its funny how you start to belive others and their opinions become facts about yourself,if for a second you believe you can be somebody you quickly tell yourself you're lying because everyone cant be wrong. Then your goals seem untainable
and you're dreams seem untouchable,i was having a emotional
breakdown.
I wasent supposed to make it!
I od on drugs again announced dead,but my feet were warm so the doctors didnt give up,and i came back to life in a coma for 30 days
i wasent supposed to make it!
I went back to what i knew,drugs and the street life
i was back in prision again this time longer.
I got out and did what i knew,i couldnt take the pain no more
i had six children and i wasent there mother!
I tried to kill myself put two sirenges of herion in my stomache at one time drank hard liquor,mixed other drugs and i couldnt feel anything!
I wasent supposed to make it!
I was arrested again this time i was sent to a drug program in and out.i was programed out...
Finally i got tierd of wasting my life.
So i laid in bed one night and i began to pray for god's mercy
i was released to another program in san jose
i came back to salinas with a 3 year sobriety chip,but i still had a emptiness inside me.
There had to be more in life than just being clean and sober.
I wasent supposed to make it!
Through all this in the devils eyes i wasent supposed to make it!
In a meeting i meant a gentleman,that now today i know god blessed me with him.
We were invited to church by my little brother.we felt something different and kept and kept on going.
Next we were baptized in the name of jesus and married the following week.
I was going to the doctors for check ups and was told i had hip-c
i wasent supposed to make it
so the elders of the church prayed for me,i went back and was told blood test came back negitive.
Then i started filling a sting in my chest i went back to the doctor,i received bad news i was dienosed with breast cancer
i went through cemo/raidiation,i had faith,i have a big mighty god would bring me through this too. So my church and family prayed for me my limpth notes came back negitive.
I wasent supposed to make it!!
God used all this experience to get me ready for my next phase in my walk.
__________________
Psa 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
1Pe 5:6-7 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Tit 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
__________________
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8 KJV
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 KJV
I had fallen so deep into trouble all i had was pain and emptiness,i no longer knew the way out.i felt as though thats the way life is.
I started smoking weed,drinking alcohol very young,before you know it i was strung out on herion.
I kept getting in trouble cutting school,all i could think of was parties and looking good.i drank until i blacked out.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I got deeper in drugs
i searched for love and i always found pain
i was molested,and rapped so many times.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I went from juvenille hall to jail to prisons.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I od on herion a few times.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I stared using more trying different drugs
paint sniffing,herion,cocaine,acid,booze,weed,kj
to fill what was so empty -yet i always found myself in pools of pain.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I was living with a man who beat me for 18 years
who told me ugly things that stuck in my head
like no guy will ever like you just me.youre a scum bag!
I wasn't supposed to make it!
The words stood in my head for a long time.
Why bother going to school your dumb.you'll never be anything!
Its funny how you start to belive others and their opinions become facts about yourself,if for a second you believe you can be somebody you quickly tell yourself you're lying because everyone cant be wrong. Then your goals seem untainable
and you're dreams seem untouchable,i was having a emotional
breakdown.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I od on drugs again announced dead,but my feet were warm so the doctors didnt give up,and i came back to life in a coma for 30 days
i wasn't supposed to make it!
I went back to what i knew,drugs and the street life
i was back in prision again this time longer.
I got out and did what i knew,i couldnt take the pain no more
i had six children and i wasent there mother!
I tried to kill myself put two sirenges of herion in my stomache at one time drank hard liquor,mixed other drugs and i couldnt feel anything!
I wasn't supposed to make it!
I was arrested again this time i was sent to a drug program in and out.i was programed out...
Finally i got tierd of wasting my life.
So i laid in bed one night and i began to pray for god's mercy
i was released to another program in san jose
i came back to salinas with a 3 year sobriety chip,but i still had a emptiness inside me.
There had to be more in life than just being clean and sober.
I wasn't supposed to make it!
Through all this in the devils eyes i wasent supposed to make it!
In a meeting i meant a gentleman,that now today i know god blessed me with him.
We were invited to church by my little brother.we felt something different and kept and kept on going.
Next we were baptized in the name of jesus and married the following week.
I was going to the doctors for check ups and was told i had hip-c
i wasn't supposed to make it
so the elders of the church prayed for me,i went back and was told blood test came back negitive.
Then i started filling a sting in my chest i went back to the doctor,i received bad news i was dienosed with breast cancer
i went through cemo/raidiation,i had faith,i have a big mighty god would bring me through this too. So my church and family prayed for me my limpth notes came back negitive.
I wasn't supposed to make it!!
God used all this experience to get me ready for my next phase in my walk.
What a powerful testimony for the Lord! And, for you as well. I'm glad you made it. Under your name are the words "More than a conquerer". I've often what could be more than a conquerer. As I read your post, it occurred to me that a conquerer conquers. But to be "More than a conquerer" you help others to conquer thngs in their own lives. And I know for a fact that your testimony has strengthened the resolve of at least one person today to be a conquerer. Me. Through Christ, I am a conquerer. And I pray that, by helping others, I, too can be MORE THAN A CONQUERER! Thank you for sharing and may God continue to bless you!
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"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...." -Psa. 37:7
Waiting for the Lord is easy... Waiting patiently? Not so much.
You are truely a blessing from God.some one needs to hear your testamony.There are many people out there that think they are disposable in Gods eyes and,they are not!!!!Some one needs you out there.Now you are a walking ,talking testamony.In Jesus name! Thank you sister.