Need advice on leaving - Page 3

Sherri · #21 11-19-2016, 02:25 PM

Praying for you!! As pastors, it's always hard to lose someone. But when a pastor moves from giving you a choice to manipulating you into staying, he is wrong.
I think you can leave in a kind way. Don't talk badly about your leadership if you leave - I'm sure God had you there for a season and I'm sure there were good times and things that you learned. Try to focus on those things, especially with your family.
But I think if you stay, you will continue to become more confused and eventually bitter, unless there is a chance that things will drastically change.
Ultimately the decision is between you, your husband, and God. But whatever you hear as an answer from God, do not live in condemnation. Move forward and do the work of the Lord! Leave it to Him to fight the battles.

LOVE JESUS · #22 11-19-2016, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri

Praying for you!! As pastors, it's always hard to lose someone. But when a pastor moves from giving you a choice to manipulating you into staying, he is wrong.
I think you can leave in a kind way. Don't talk badly about your leadership if you leave - I'm sure God had you there for a season and I'm sure there were good times and things that you learned. Try to focus on those things, especially with your family.
But I think if you stay, you will continue to become more confused and eventually bitter, unless there is a chance that things will drastically change.
Ultimately the decision is between you, your husband, and God. But whatever you hear as an answer from God, do not live in condemnation. Move forward and do the work of the Lord! Leave it to Him to fight the battles.

Good response. My husband has a motto: God first
Family second
Third the church
You have to do what you feel is best for those children that God has given you.
Some one I know is going through the same thing right now - not pastor manipulation but pastor making wrong choices for the youth plus some other things. He has talked with pastor at least 3 times but no changes, so he is looking for another church all because of the spiritual welfare of his teenage children. He is in a Spirit filled church - not UPC - wouldn't make any difference either way. He has been in this church for many years - children dedicated here and later baptized there. It is not an easy decision but a necessary one.

houston · #23 11-22-2016, 03:44 AM

Grief. I think I used to attend this church.

mfblume · #24 11-23-2016, 08:08 AM

Excellent advice on leaving a church is in the book A TALE OF THREE KINGS by Gene Edwards.

votivesoul · #25 11-24-2016, 02:41 AM

Just a thought:

It's not leaving a church, it's disfellowshipping a group of saints.

There is one Body, right? You would, presumably, reach out to a new group of saints, and begin meeting with them, right?

So, you're not leaving the Church, which is the Body, but are leaving the saints.

That being the question, can you handle, not leaving a church, but leaving behind the saints that belong to your assembly?

How many relationships there are precious to you? Are you prepared to lose everyone of them? Because, if what you say is true, you will lose just about every friend and close brother or sister you have.

Are you ready for the smear campaign? Disfellowshipping a group of saints in a situation like you've described is not easy. The aftermath is UGLY.

I don't say that to discourage, but rather, COUNT THE COST.

I was in a situation not too unlike you're in. We left and began meeting with other saints of God. The garbage that got said, the rumors and gossip, accusations and slander, and everything else was very hard to take.

My own flesh and blood brother, who I won to the Lord, and ministered to in countless ways for many years, dropped me and told me he didn't want to see me or spend any time with me or my family outside of holidays and family birthdays.

When I asked him why, he said it was because he wasn't sure if I was okay. When I pressed him why on that, he said it was because I no longer go to his church.

See what I mean?

If you guys leave, no matter how you do it, you're about to walk into a tornado. God can and will get you through, I promise! If He instructs you to leave, then He has asked you to pick up this cross and endure the pain of it all. But all for the purpose, for your perfecting, and HIS GLORY.

Peace,

Aaron

votivesoul · #26 11-24-2016, 02:53 AM

Another thought.

Pastors are not a protected class. Jerks are jerks. Stubborn, hard-headed, angry, won't listen to nobody, doesn't answer to anyone suit and tie talking heads create their own bad reputation. Simply speaking the facts is not "talking bad" about the leadership. The onus is on them to be blameless and of good report toward them outside the church.

And many do remain blameless and of good report toward them outside the church, but not as they deserve it by earning it through trust, commitment, and love, but because people refuse to speak up and say it like it is.

When is a spade not a spade? When the spade is a "pastor".

Look in Scripture. Prophets of God condemned to their faces in front of everyone so-called leaders (in some cases kings!) in Israel and Judah who were supposed to be shepherding God's flock, but instead were abusing God's children.

We ought not hesitate to call a situation and those involved, as it is. If you leave and someone asks why, tell them straight up. Sugar-coating it with vague, quasi-spiritualized mumbo jumbo about sensing a new direction from God, and etc., isn't the truth. You left (if you leave) because the pastor was a crank who ought not to be overseeing the flock of God.

Of course, do as you believe is right. Who am I, but a faceless stranger banging away at some keys at a computer?

Originalist · #27 01-21-2017, 07:48 PM

There must be 50 ways to leave your Pastor....

Just slip out the back,Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Just listen to me. Hop on the bus,Gus. You don't need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free.

Evang.Benincasa · #28 01-28-2017, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Originalist

There must be 50 ways to leave your Pastor....

Just slip out the back,Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Just listen to me. Hop on the bus,Gus. You don't need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free.

Sadly most time, which seems like a good plan to leave, fortified with great reasons, only seems to end up being an endless journey to a pit.

CC1 · #29 02-04-2017, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evang.Benincasa

Sadly most time, which seems like a good plan to leave, fortified with great reasons, only seems to end up being an endless journey to a pit.

It is a journey to a pit bbq place then that can be a good thing!

good samaritan · #30 02-04-2017, 07:45 PM

Strife sometimes makes it a necessity to leave. It is better to leave and receive healing and restoration than for things to fester and get worse. I think people should always give the other person the benefit of the doubt, but confront the issues in a Christian manner. (Don't leave things up to the imagination). If problems have been discussed in a Christ like manner and there is no reconciliation then for me it would mean a change of venue (How can 2 walk together unless they agree).

As we journey ahead, we must leave the past behind (no grudges). We must forgive to be forgiven.