left upci yr ago and still messed up

[Krt]

Not sure where to post this and what to say! Can anyone help me thru this, I tried to search other threads of people going thru this, please leave links if I missed some. Was in UPCI 10 yrs and always felt funny about the "holiness stds" and how strict somethings were. and felt I became so judgemental of others. I felt my other non UPCI friends were more christian like than we were. Alot of things bothered me but yet in UPCI the worship and presence of God and the life changing experiences at the altar are hard to find in other churches. My husband and I haven't been to church for over a yr. I just don't know how to explain how I feel. I am so turned off by church itself now. I have so many mixed feelings inside. I am trying to heal and not have a wall up with God either. and He seems so quiet thru all of this I know He doesn't leave us but I wish He would give my husband and I more guidance and answers... and healing... any advice? does it just take time? can you share what you have been thru if you have gone thru something like this? thank you....