I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[StillStanding]

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

Carp,

I painfully have to agree with you on the bolded part. My growing up in a pastor's home made me always feel that church family was first and the truth is--they were. But, I am soooo over that!

I had a family therapist tell me that most Pastor's families are disfunctional.

It's a no win situation for the pastor. If he gives too much attention to his own family, church members will call him selfish. Most of the time the pastor puts the church first before his own family.

That was the case at our house growing up. I have now gotten over it, but I had held feelings against my dad (not my mom!) for a few years after I left home!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Pianoman

I had a family therapist tell me that most Pastor's families are disfunctional.

It's a no win situation for the pastor. If he gives too much attention to his own family, church members will call him selfish. Most of the time the pastor puts the church first before his own family.

That was the case at our house growing up. I have now gotten over it, but I had held feelings against my dad (not my mom!) for a few years after I left home!

I know many that will not agree with this, but I have seen it over and over again.

I do believe more recently though things have changed from when we were growing up in UPC. Or at least I want to think so.

[rrford]

WHat was my post? Chopped liver?

It seems some are only seeing the perspective that Carp puts forth. I do agree with what he is saying to a certain extent. But I also realize, as Renda is saying that there has been a shift in that mindset in recent years.

Let us not forget that unless one is called to Pastoral ministry they do not know the pressures associated with it. Even if it were your father that was the Pastor you really, really do not know the full breadth and depth of the struggle to look for balance.

Now, a request: This year at a Conference I have been asked to teach a session called "Balancing Home and Ministry." I taught the same session last year and it was well received. I would be interested in any thoughtful input you might have of things that need to be mentioned.

[MrsMcD]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I know many that will not agree with this, but I have seen it over and over again.

I do believe more recently though things have changed from when we were growing up in UPC. Or at least I want to think so.

I definitely believe that things have changed. My father has apologized and wishes he had differently. I also think the younger generation can learn from past mistakes. My husband nor I would ever put church people before our family.

[rgcraig]

rrford,

Your post was filet migon!

I LOVE the subject you are going to teach on - - teach on!!!!! I'm sure you have all the material you need to teach it, but I will think on it. If I have a nugget to share, I'll post here.

[MrsMcD]

Originally Posted by rrford

WHat was my post? Chopped liver?

It seems some are only seeing the perspective that Carp puts forth. I do agree with what he is saying to a certain extent. But I also realize, as Renda is saying that there has been a shift in that mindset in recent years.

Let us not forget that unless one is called to Pastoral ministry they do not know the pressures associated with it. Even if it were your father that was the Pastor you really, really do not know the full breadth and depth of the struggle to look for balance.

Now, a request: This year at a Conference I have been asked to teach a session called "Balancing Home and Ministry." I taught the same session last year and it was well received. I would be interested in any thoughtful input you might have of things that need to be mentioned.

Sorry, I only read the first post and responded. As I stated in another post, I do believe some pastors and ministers have made an effort to do things differently. :-)

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Pianoman

I had a family therapist tell me that most Pastor's families are disfunctional.

It's a no win situation for the pastor. If he gives too much attention to his own family, church members will call him selfish. Most of the time the pastor puts the church first before his own family.

That was the case at our house growing up. I have now gotten over it, but I had held feelings against my dad (not my mom!) for a few years after I left home!

Pianaoman, I am not sure if you took the personal relationship class that many of us did, but it was obvious to me back then that most of the preacher's kids were from very dysfunctional families. I remember talking with one, in a one on one session about their home. This person said that their ministry parents always put the saints and the saints kids in front of them. It was obvious when the parents put money into the school to buy their children out of trouble.

Blessings, Rhoni

[MrsMcD]

I never thought I was from a dysfunctional family. We were different but I never felt that we were dysfunctional. I saw myself as being the same as any other church kid. Then again, I guess we are all dysfunctional to some extent.

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by MrsMcD

I never thought I was from a dysfunctional family. We were different but I never felt that we were dysfunctional. I saw myself as being the same as any other church kid. Then again, I guess we are all dysfunctional to some extent.

Not all of us, but many of us...I include myself in the dysfunctional side. My father was an alcoholic and my mother a religious fanatic. I could have chosen one or the other...I chose balance!

Blessings, Rhoni

[Carpenter]

Originally Posted by rrford

WHat was my post? Chopped liver?

It seems some are only seeing the perspective that Carp puts forth. I do agree with what he is saying to a certain extent. But I also realize, as Renda is saying that there has been a shift in that mindset in recent years.

Let us not forget that unless one is called to Pastoral ministry they do not know the pressures associated with it. Even if it were your father that was the Pastor you really, really do not know the full breadth and depth of the struggle to look for balance.

Now, a request: This year at a Conference I have been asked to teach a session called "Balancing Home and Ministry." I taught the same session last year and it was well received. I would be interested in any thoughtful input you might have of things that need to be mentioned.

Too bad you don't have the thread available from NFCF. There is enough material there to teach a week long conference.

I know you say there is a paradigm shift, but I would estimate that it is more of a grassroots effort. Examine any organization by researching their literature (publications, sermons, minutes, etc.). I do not believe that the paradigm shift has or will occur throughout the organization, otherwise you would see that same change within the culture, and changing a culture is as difficult as changing their nature.

Individual effort? Maybe. Organizational paradigm shift? Unh-unh. Someone spoke the difficulty of getting a huge ship turned around and around and around and around...