HELP! What does it mean to turn the other cheek???

Elizabeth · #1 11-13-2007, 10:51 AM

For the last few days (except when I was in Tenn) I have been working a family member over about something.

She informed me this morning she did not agree with me.

The issue is this, she has a family member that treats her badly and I have been telling her she needs to let that person know that they are hurting you.(this person is suppose to be a Christian too)

Well I have been getting some religious remarks for her, like she feels that God is working on her, and she need to be pleasing to God and she has to get on her knees about it.

I am wondering is this way that we handle conflict? We let other people walk on us, say all manor of meanness and we are just suppose to be quite???

I am talking about from other Church folks......ok so when do we "turn the other cheek and when do we not???"

OneAccord · #2 11-13-2007, 10:57 AM

To know what "turn the other cheek means", see the thread below this one. Specifically, the first word of that thread title.

Opps! When I wrote that, FORGIVENESS was the first word in the next thread. Forgot they change. Well... I never said I was REAL smart!

MissBrattified · #3 11-13-2007, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeanie

For the last few days (except when I was in Tenn) I have been working a family member over about something.

She informed me this morning she did not agree with me.

The issue is this, she has a family member that treats her badly and I have been telling her she needs to let that person know that they are hurting you.(this person is suppose to be a Christian too)

Well I have been getting some religious remarks for her, like she feels that God is working on her, and she need to be pleasing to God and she has to get on her knees about it.

I am wondering is this way that we handle conflict? We let other people walk on us, say all manor of meanness and we are just suppose to be quite???

I am talking about from other Church folks......ok so when do we "turn the other cheek and when do we not???"

In my opinion, it means we don't retaliate or react in kind. And that should be a constant. We can remove ourselves from hurtful situations without hurting the other person in return.

Don't return evil for evil; overcome evil with good.

That is not to say that speaking up is being evil. Speaking up and saying, "That hurts me; don't do that"....there's nothing evil in that statement. And in many cases, I think God would require us to take a visible stand against evil, especially when others are victims.

I would add, though...that a person can *take* whatever they want to take. That's their choice. I think that as long as they don't allow others to be hurt, then they're welcome to martyr themselves, if they truly believe there will be a positive outcome.

MissBrattified · #4 11-13-2007, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneAccord

To know what "turn the other cheek means", see the thread below this one. Specifically, the first word of that thread title.

"Pastor?"

OneAccord · #5 11-13-2007, 11:02 AM

No, we aren't to "let people walk all over us". We are to forgive them. Actually, look the person in the eye and say those words. "I forgive you". That lets them know that they have been in the wrong. When they say "What are you forgiving me for?", tell them. Tell them how they have hurt you. Tell them you know they did not intend to, but that they did. That, more than anything will show the person their wrong and it will stop them from future wrongs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeanie

For the last few days (except when I was in Tenn) I have been working a family member over about something.

She informed me this morning she did not agree with me.

The issue is this, she has a family member that treats her badly and I have been telling her she needs to let that person know that they are hurting you.(this person is suppose to be a Christian too)

Well I have been getting some religious remarks for her, like she feels that God is working on her, and she need to be pleasing to God and she has to get on her knees about it.

I am wondering is this way that we handle conflict? We let other people walk on us, say all manor of meanness and we are just suppose to be quite???

I am talking about from other Church folks......ok so when do we "turn the other cheek and when do we not???"

Elizabeth · #6 11-13-2007, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

In my opinion, it means we don't retaliate or react in kind. And that should be a constant. We can remove ourselves from hurtful situations without hurting the other person in return.

Don't return evil for evil; overcome evil with good.

That is not to say that speaking up is being evil. Speaking up and saying, "That hurts me; don't do that"....there's nothing evil in that statement. And in many cases, I think God would require us to take a visible stand against evil, especially when others are the victim.

I would add, though...that a person can *take* whatever they want to take. That's their choice. I think that as long as they don't allow others to be hurt, then they're welcome to martyr themselves, if they truly believe there will be a positive outcome.

This is really good. thanks.

That last statement sums it up pretty good, especially using the word "martyr" really makes me think.

I guess as a "sympathetic" listener I can only tolerate hearing all the verbal abuse that is flying around this person for so long, (umm 13 yrs.) Its like come on already....why not say something in return?

Especially when this person gets sick, depressed ect.

But thanks, you can not force someone, I am going to drop it.

Elizabeth · #7 11-13-2007, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneAccord

No, we aren't to "let people walk all over us". We are to forgive them. Actually, look the person in the eye and say those words. "I forgive you". That lets them know that they have been in the wrong. When they say "What are you forgiving me for?", tell them. Tell them how they have hurt you. Tell them you know they did not intend to, but that they did. That, more than anything will show the person their wrong and it will stop them from future wrongs.

In so many words you agree that there is nothing wrong with saying something-

This is a good way of doing it though.

delta soundman · #8 11-13-2007, 11:12 AM

For years my family was involved in a steady conflict with a nother family in the church. My sister then married into this family. That did not help matters at all. Matter of fact it complicated them. This family would always say "you are supposed to forgive me 70 x 7." "No matter what we do you are supposed to forgive us." I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE THAT ABUSE THIS SCRIPTURE!!! Thank God we are not as connected with these people as we used to be. I finally got to the point I would see them at church, acknowledge them, shake their hands, and walk away. You have to love people like this but you don't have to like them or even fellowship with them. We never returned the pain or the hurt to these people but Lord knows I wanted to. The more we ignored them the worse they got but that was just the only way to deal with them. The long and short is, tell them you were offended and that they have been walking over you. Then put some distance there. Don't allow yourself to be put into positions that they can abuse you. IMHO

Elizabeth · #9 11-13-2007, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by delta soundman

For years my family was involved in a steady conflict with a nother family in the church. My sister then married into this family. That did not help matters at all. Matter of fact it complicated them. This family would always say "you are supposed to forgive me 70 x 7." "No matter what we do you are supposed to forgive us." I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE THAT ABUSE THIS SCRIPTURE!!! Thank God we are not as connected with these people as we used to be. I finally got to the point I would see them at church, acknowledge them, shake their hands, and walk away. You have to love people like this but you don't have to like them or even fellowship with them. We never returned the pain or the hurt to these people but Lord knows I wanted to. The more we ignored them the worse they got but that was just the only way to deal with them. The long and short is, tell them you were offended and that they have been walking over you. Then put some distance there. Don't allow yourself to be put into positions that they can abuse you. IMHO

I hate conflict myself, and we have been pastoring for 6 years-and one thing I learned no matter where you are, what church you go to--there will be conflict.

But one thing I have noticed if I talk to someone about some thing I perceived as offensive, if I talk about it with them I notice that it wasnt what they meant at all.

If I think I offended someone, as quick as the offensive was taken I try to say "I am sorry-" (this helps in marriages too) in most cases this works wonders but sometimes people like to be mad!!!

But if I find out that I offended someone

revrandy · #10 11-13-2007, 11:24 AM

Jeanie...

Some people will never change...and we can accept them or ignore them...

I would encourage the hurt one to ignore...because you and I both know (I think) the sum of an apology is a sign of weakness to both parties... and neither would come close to admitting they were weak...

and that is a weak spot with both parties concerning their character...

imo...