Serious Questions and Doubts About God's Ways

[Jermyn Davidson]

It's moments like this that I wonder the wisdom of posting under my real name and asking questions like these but I guess I won't be in any worse of a place by doing this.

1) Has anyone thought they really had a word from God for a person you cared for a lot, a word from God and you were sure it was from God, only to find out that you completely missed the mark and have caused considerable pain and confusion for numerous people?

2) Why on God's green planet would He let something like that happen-- knowing the hearts of His people, knowing the sincerity, knowing the mistake, knowing the ensuing confusion and pain that His servant would cause to so many people?

3) What's the use of living for God, extending yourself, putting yourself out, going with your brother not just 1 mile, but 10 miles, doing what you do for His Glory-- only to find yourself in need with NO ONE willing to come through for you?

4) Statement, not a question-- I don't want to give anything to anyone any more. I don't want to help anyone any more. And as for having a word for anyone-- I don't possibly know how I can trust God or myself to think that I am hearing from God anymore!!!

I'm in tears.

I'm fighting thoughts of hating God-- I don't hate Him, He knows I don't, but man there is a war in my head, and maybe even in my heart now-- I don't even know.

I just wish I I could crawl into a sea shell and disappear!
I wish I could reverse time and I would just stopped myself from even speaking that day.

The time and MONEY I spent helping that so-called brother-- I would have been better off making sure my own bills were paid ahead by three months or so!

Why help anyone when at the end of the day, I won't be able to help myself?

Where is the net to catch me now that I'm going down???


Does anyone know what in the world I'm talking about!!!!!