What happened to my marriage...

[GodsBabyGirl]

Yes,

I guess while reading the thread about Bishop Weeks book, I feel the need to share with my AFF family what happened with my marriage.

I met William on the Apostolic Singles Network over a year ago. We courted online and visited each other for about three months, then he proposed to me, and I accepted.

William was an elder of a church in Arkansas. He has four kids by a previous marriage residing there, so his moving to the ATL was out. So after we eloped someplace very reclusive in Oklahoma, I went to ATL got my kids and we relocated to Arkansas.

Online, William portrayed himself to be the perfect Apostolic. I checked him out and could find nothing incriminating on him.

But once the kids and I moved to Arkansas, things changed. For the worst.

His church turned out to be non Denominational. He still held to the standards and what not. But we all lived in a 2 bedroom apt....him myself and 7 kids!!!

Then there was baby mama drama. I caught him on the phone telling her he still had feelings for her, after I had married him and left everything, uprooted my kids yet again to be with him.

Then blending the blended family wasn't as easy as expected. His kids made life for my kids living he _ _!

Finances were tight. The church was failing. We started getting in arguments when I started going to Apostolic churches. In his words, it was embarassing for him being well known in the area and his wife supporting another ministry.

Things came to a head when my oldest son got frustrated and actually had a physical altercation with William. William asked us to leave and locked us out the house with nowhere to go.

Area pastors heard of our plight and pooled their resouces and put us up in a really nice hotel for a week and paid for me to come back home to the N.O. area.

I didn't want things to turn out the way they did. In spite of the challenges, I begged William to take us back, but he wouldn't.

My oldest son has no faith in the ministry or preachers now.

We are now divorced and the last time I talked to William I told him I had no hard feelings for how things turned out.

But as an apostle friend of mine told me, you are a woman of God. And William is going to pay for what he did to you and those kids.

I don't have time neither do I fret myself over it. We married too soon, I guess.

I just thought that because I met him on our grounds, so to speak, on an Apostolic Singles Forum, that he would be fine and things would turn out great....

The kids and I are fine now. William and I are divorced, and last I heard his ex has stripped him of any visitation rights or parental authority of his kids.

The church has closed down.

And he lost his apartment.

God help him wherever he is....

[GodsBabyGirl]

And NO I am not sharing this to build my so called ministry or whatever.

Since this is another Apostolic forum, I guess I am sharing details here as sort of a warning.

Just because someone has the label doesn't mean they have the goods, ya heard?

The guys who run that forum of there are great and it is a great place to fellowship. Just be careful

Folks can portray themselves to be anything they want online...even in a Christian forum...

God Bless

[A_PoMo]

I really sorry this happened to you. I really am. I pray God's blessing and healing on you and your kids.

[DividedThigh]

sorry about that dear friend, i will pray for you, i sense a good heart, and the lord aint done with you yet, sis, prayin, dt

[RandyWayne]

I am sorry to hear about this as well. If there is a bright side, it is that it seemed to happen relatively quick and didn't take 10-20 years of your life before you were able to move on.

[Ron]

Sorry to hear of this.

[tamor]

I am sorry to hear about this as well. If there is a bright side, it is that it seemed to happen relatively quick and didn't take 10-20 years of your life before you were able to move on.

and more children, as so often happens...

[Praxeas]

And NO I am not sharing this to build my so called ministry or whatever.

Since this is another Apostolic forum, I guess I am sharing details here as sort of a warning.

Just because someone has the label doesn't mean they have the goods, ya heard?

The guys who run that forum of there are great and it is a great place to fellowship. Just be careful

Folks can portray themselves to be anything they want online...even in a Christian forum...

God Bless
Oh snap! And I thought you were goin on TBN next week....seriously though sister I am sorry this happened to you and your kids.

I just hope your son will realize that one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch...there are other wonderful Apostolic men out there, but they are not all "ministers"

[Elizabeth]

That is just horrible you had to go through all that.

He wasnt right in locking you and your kids out of your apartment.

Thank God for those other folks that helped you out.

It sounds like you all are safe now--and I will be praying for you all.

[CC1]

Sorry for what happened. I know that godly women trying to raise kids on their own are looking for godly men and sometimes their hearts get ahead of their heads when it looks like they have met someone that can be there for them. I will be praying for you and more importantly your son, that he realizes God is true even when people are not.

[RandyWayne]

Oh snap! And I thought you were goin on TBN next week....seriously though sister I am sorry this happened to you and your kids.

I just hope your son will realize that one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch...there are other wonderful Apostolic men out there, but they are not all "ministers"

BINGO!
"He" could be a assistant manager at a fast food restaurant, or work at a call center, or work shift work at a factory.

[Praxeas]

BINGO!
"He" could be a assistant manager at a fast food restaurant, or work at a call center, or work shift work at a factory.
Right and still be a great guy....even a great Apostolic guy.

It's sad that we have to believe that a "minister" is only someone that stands behind a pulpit in church and "preaches"...often they are just preaching to the choir too....Sorry sister for getting off topic here and this was not meant as a reflection on you. It's just an issue I think all of Christianity needs to address. I believe we are all called to be ministers and I don't believe there is to be a special "ministry" class within the church like the RCC has priests.

[aquestioninggirl]

I have a friend who met aguy on the ASF and they too got married. She actually moved from Arkansas to New Orleans. He was very mean to her, she left and came back home. That forum seems like a very scarey place.

[krawlinson]

Praying for you and your children.

[Falla39]

I am addressing this to all "God's Baby Girls" or "Any Age Girls"..!

I sincerely believe the enemy has deceived many girls and guys,

women and men into thinking they cannot live without a companion.

Sure, it's great to have someone. I would not want to be without my

husband of almost 50 yrs. But regardless of our age or whatever, and

whatever situation we find ourselves in,. if we would start or start over

by "seeking FIRST the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and wait

for Him to provide "all these things (needs) shall be added unto you", it

would prevent so much heartache. If you rush out of one marriage into

another, without divine direction, you very possibly will find yourself

in trouble again. We are putting man before God and then wanting Him to

bail us out.

One of my younger sisters came back home after almost 15 yrs. of marriage

to a man who claimed to be called to preach. She met him at youth camp.

Later he came to visit and even moved to the area where we lived. There were

things others saw that were not right but nonetheless they were married and had

five beautiful children. There was infidelity and she returned home with a broken

heart and five little ones. He insisted there was no one else but married as soon as

the divorce he had filed the year before was final. He had the lawyer put it on hold,

putting the "other woman off" until he was found out! My sister left. She was faithful

to God and He was faithful to her, providing a good job that provided her with a late

model vehicle (she had no car or home), and it was near her home and schools in case

her children needed her. God watched over her and provided all her needs, including a

new brick home which she could afford. An older Christian homebuilder was willing to

help without trying to make a killing off her.

Long story shorter, six years later the ex-husband suddenly died of a massive heart

attack. She waited for seven years, when her youngest child had just turned 18 yrs.

old and God sent a wonderful man, who had lost his precious wife to cancer, and was

so lonely, her way. We had known this family for many years and knew him to be a

precious child of God whom HE had delivered from alcohol in his earlier years. He was so

thankful for God's goodness in his life and God had allowed him to preach the gospel of

Jesus Christ. He also sang and played the guitar that ministered to many souls longing

to be set free also.

Today they have been married 18 yrs. I believe, are still very much in love and pastor

a home missions church in Texas. If we wait on the Lord, in His time He will give us more

than we ever dreamed or hoped for. HE is Faithful who will not suffer (allow or permit)

the righteous to be tempted (tested or tried) above what they are able, but will with the

temptation (test/trial) make a way (door of escape) that they may be able to bear or

endure it!! He will make a successful means of escape. A safe door leading out of the

trial or testing/proving grounds!

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with

wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. We

need to ask the Lord to teach us to wait..upon HIM!!!

This also applies just as well to God's Guys and Men of God!!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Broken]

I have a friend who met aguy on the ASF and they too got married. She actually moved from Arkansas to New Orleans. He was very mean to her, she left and came back home. That forum seems like a very scarey place.

Please please - how many people belong to that forum and we just heard of 2 bad apples and the whole forum is scary-NOT

We don't even know for sure who we talk to on ANY forum

When someone opens themselves up to go on a forum - it is opening up a world of the unknown for sure

I feel sorry for sister but as she said it was tooo soon and definately was not a wise choice...we just can't mark everyone for that one individual that does not deserve this precious lady who wants to bring her children up in the sight of God and be a godly woman herself. I am sincerely sorry for your trouble you have been through. Word of wisdom: Don't get bit twice~

[Falla39]

Just a note more!

This wonderful man also had children and between the two of them, have

provided love and strength to both of their families who are all grown and have

families of their own. But they all love to go "Home", for Home is where there is

God and love and warmth and a godly example of what True Love (God's Love) really is!

Blessings,

Falla39

[Praxeas]

I just want to point out this other person is not here to comment and quite frankly it would turn this thread and forum messy if he did. Let's not speculate anymore on him or other forums because of a couple bad situations. The condolences are fine though

[SDG]

Sorry for what has happened ... only our God can mend what is broken in your heart. May our God give you peace in the storm.

[COOPER]

Sorry that you and the kids had to go thru this.

[ForeverBlessed]

I have a friend who met aguy on the ASF and they too got married. She actually moved from Arkansas to New Orleans. He was very mean to her, she left and came back home. That forum seems like a very scarey place.

To some it might be scary, as with any online meeting place, you just have to be careful. I am sorry to hear another sad story surrounding the singles site… really I am. How hurtful it can be to families.

In defense of the site, I have met some really nice people there … in fact.. I met one of my closest friends there three years ago. I know that we will always be forever friends… he’s been a blessing to me, and I love him dearly… but we are friends. I haven’t ever had a male friend outside of marriage before… so it has been a new experience.

I’ve met several others from the site.. and still consider them friends and talk every now and again. I appreciate it being a place to meet like believers. I’ve gone to single meetings and we all get together for pics just as AFFers do.

However, I will say that what is a great concern for me is the fact that many on the singles site, get married, get divorced and get right back on the site to try again a few months later. I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

Saying that, I am very cautious of who I would ever commit to again… that would be a major step for me. I feel it takes a long while to truly know someone’s character unless you are living in the same city seeing each other daily. That is just me though... i gots trust issues.. lol

I’ve come to the resolution that I am happy as a single woman… I’m blessed and content. If God chooses to bring someone into my life, it will fit together like a puzzle piece and I will have calm and assurance he is from God.

That doesn’t keep me from surfing the site couple times a week… ;)

[RandyWayne]

I still believe eharmony is far superior to any "apostolic" singles site out there. :)
Guys, and some women, KNOW what buttons to push on an apostolic site and will. Case in point, all a guy needs to do is proclaim his call to preach and talk up his conservative view on "standards" and there will be no end of ladies who fall for him. All a woman has to do is proclaim her "meekness" and willingness to do nothing but support her "husband" in his calling and bare his children. And plenty of guys will jump on THAT like bears on honey.

[ForeverBlessed]

I am addressing this to all "God's Baby Girls" or "Any Age Girls"..!

I sincerely believe the enemy has deceived many girls and guys,

women and men into thinking they cannot live without a companion.

Sure, it's great to have someone. I would not want to be without my

husband of almost 50 yrs. But regardless of our age or whatever, and

whatever situation we find ourselves in,. if we would start or start over

by "seeking FIRST the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and wait

for Him to provide "all these things (needs) shall be added unto you", it

would prevent so much heartache. If you rush out of one marriage into

another, without divine direction, you very possibly will find yourself

in trouble again. We are putting man before God and then wanting Him to

bail us out.

Blessings,

Falla39
I believe this with all my heart... I quote this scripture often...

I've prayed that God give me the grace to accept if his will is my being single forever. I truly just keep serving him with all my heart and trust God completely with my life.

That was a great post.

[Ronzo]

I know that sometimes words just are not enough, but I'm definitely praying for you, sister.

God knows where you are and He loves you passionately. He will take care of you.

[Ronzo]

I still believe eharmony is far superior to any "apostolic" singles site out there. :)
Guys, and some women, KNOW what buttons to push on an apostolic site and will. Case in point, all a guy needs to do is proclaim his call to preach and talk up his conservative view on "standards" and there will be no end of ladies who fall for him. All a woman has to do is proclaim her "meekness" and willingness to do nothing but support her "husband" in his calling and bare his children. And plenty of guys will jump on THAT like bears on honey.

Amen... and AMEN.

[Sister Alvear]

praying for you dear friend...love you much.

[GodsBabyGirl]

Thank you all SO much for your condolences and prayers....

I don't believe William will peruse this site. I found out he is truly against anything Apostolic.

I want to say thank q in particular, Sis Falla, for your words and testimony.

It touched me...

Just pray that God will keep His Hand on us, He has. But I am admittedly vulnerable. The past year has been hell raising...and has made me question men of God.

Ministry, the church...

I know God is faithful and loves me and the kids. Time and time again I have gotten into trouble, and God has been faithful to deliver....

But I get tired of trouble. I want victory in this area of my life. I DONT desire to be alone for the rest of my life. And I don't believe that God wants that either.

I want my kids to have a dad. I want to be married. I am asking God to show me what I did wrong so that I can learn from my mistakes and move on.

I understand that for some, God wants them single. I understand and know that I am not one of those women. I used to be the head of the singles ministry; I have taught it all, heard it all and, unfortunately, experienced a lot.

It has little to do with ministry now.

Being a single mother is HARD! Taking care of bills, rent, car, kids, school and holding down a job by myself has worn on me. And everyday the baby asks me who is his daddy? I tell him Jesus, but what good is that when he sees the other kids at school with their dads, at church with their dads, and he has no one?

And its not just about the kids. I desire to minister to a man in my life. I want to love him, cry with him, grow old with him, help him, whatever he needs.

And I don't care if he works at Popeye's or the Governor's Mansion. I don't care about him being in the ministry or not.

And I have prayed very hard for just that...and I do believe God is a prayer answering God.

Why I am sharing this with you all, I don't know. I guess I feel I can.

Maybe I just covet your prayers that God will give me the desires of my heart. For they are good desires...

God Bless you all!
Sis Wenona

[Ron]

Thank you all SO much for your condolences and prayers....

I don't believe William will peruse this site. I found out he is truly against anything Apostolic.

I want to say thank q in particular, Sis Falla, for your words and testimony.

It touched me...

Just pray that God will keep His Hand on us, He has. But I am admittedly vulnerable. The past year has been hell raising...and has made me question men of God.

Ministry, the church...

I know God is faithful and loves me and the kids. Time and time again I have gotten into trouble, and God has been faithful to deliver....

But I get tired of trouble. I want victory in this area of my life. I DONT desire to be alone for the rest of my life. And I don't believe that God wants that either.

I want my kids to have a dad. I want to be married. I am asking God to show me what I did wrong so that I can learn from my mistakes and move on.

I understand that for some, God wants them single. I understand and know that I am not one of those women. I used to be the head of the singles ministry; I have taught it all, heard it all and, unfortunately, experienced a lot.

It has little to do with ministry now.

Being a single mother is HARD! Taking care of bills, rent, car, kids, school and holding down a job by myself has worn on me. And everyday the baby asks me who is his daddy? I tell him Jesus, but what good is that when he sees the other kids at school with their dads, at church with their dads, and he has no one?

And its not just about the kids. I desire to minister to a man in my life. I want to love him, cry with him, grow old with him, help him, whatever he needs.

And I don't care if he works at Popeye's or the Governor's Mansion. I don't care about him being in the ministry or not.

And I have prayed very hard for just that...and I do believe God is a prayer answering God.

Why I am sharing this with you all, I don't know. I guess I feel I can.

Maybe I just covet your prayers that God will give me the desires of my heart. For they are good desires...

God Bless you all!
Sis Wenona

Those are all noble, and valid desires Sis.

I pray God gives you Peace & Victory one way or another!

[GodsBabyGirl]

There is more...

After I cam home to N.O. I hooked up with my old church where I was licensed to preach. Yes, it was non denomination.

I was vulnerable and weak, ashamed. My pastor was very nurturing to me, encouraged me to get back into the work of the ministry right away.

So I did so reluctantly. It all started out innocently enough, I suppose.

But one day I went to work and there were flowers there for me....from my pastor!

It was wild!

Had my head spinning. I mean here is what I thought I always wanted all my life, my spiritual life anyways. To be a preacher's wife....

And here this fiery preacher, 15 years my junior, was pursuing me.

I kept telling him I was flattered but still legally married to William. He assured me that was just a legality and once that was straight he had intentions of marrying me!

He even started telling folks in the church and his family he wanted to marry Min. Russ!

I was like, WHOAA! Things are going a little too fast here! I asked him to not do that, but he kept on.

Admittedly, when I first started going to this ministry before Katrina, I had feelings for him. And he knew it. So here I am vulnerable, rejected, wondering what's going on...

Then someone old enough to be my son was interested in me, or portrayed himself to be.

Well, after some months passed, the 'courtship' was officially over. I announced to him I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

It was hard in that I had feelings for him, and they were re ignited once he expressed interest in me and pursued me. To almost become a first lady then to have the church mad at you because you broke pastor's heart...well you can imagine what that was like....

For me and for the kids!

And the kids liked and respected the pastor, even moreso than they did their stepdad.

All I will say is that God let me know that marrying my pastor would be disastrous for the kids and I, especially having just come out of something crazy.

Exactly one and one half month after our 'breakup' if that is what you want to call it, the pastor married another girl in the church!

That was in September.

They are now separated.

I just keep thinking that could be me and the kids abandoned once more. Out on the streets hurt by another preacher.

But you see we were. Because my kids saw things they should not have seen from this 'pastor.'

I realize now he is no pastor. But an hireling. When Donovan told me what he saw, all I could do was cry and pray ....for Donovan.

A teenager struggling in his faith should never have had to see what he has in ministers this past year.

Please, PLEASE pray for Donovan. He is my sixteen year old. He has seen too much.

http://a602.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/3/m_8768b64e3e05e30b515cb491d598b7c9.jpg
Donovan, 16

[simplyme]

I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

AMEN! My understanding is that we are allowed only ONE marriage while that husband lives., IF we claim to have a covenant with JESUS.
Couples should work really hard to make it work, and if it doesn't, well its time to face living single UNTIL one of or the other dies, and in the meanwhile, lean on the LORD for He WILL give us the strength if we ask and believe., a woman that is strong in the LORD, or seeks STRENGTH from Him , does not need to seek anything from a man whom is NOT her husband, JESUS can easily and abundantly provide all!
I think of the Samaritan woman. SHe had 5 husbands and even the one to whom she was currently living with, the LORD acknowledged that he was not her husband as did she., I don't believe that He changes His mind dependent on personal circumstances., nor that He orchestrates something that is not within His own WORD. He is the same, yesterday today and forever! ;)
JMHO

[GodsBabyGirl]

Donovan does not live with me any more. He lives with my brother in Dallas. It was mutually agreed upon that Donovan needed a stable male role model in front of him, even if he isn't saved.

My brother is a good man, a great provider and a hard worker. When Donovan was with me after all the drama, he started getting rebellious, unruly. And I couldn't blame him...everything that was godly had let him down.

So now all I do is pray.

http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=927&stc=1&d=1204851334
This is my daughter, Damaris, 14

http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=928&stc=1&d=1204851334
And this is my baby, Dominic, 8

Damaris and Dominic live here in N.O. with me.

Please keep me and the kids in prayer....

[simplyme]

There is more...

After I cam home to N.O. I hooked up with my old church where I was licensed to preach. Yes, it was non denomination.

I was vulnerable and weak, ashamed. My pastor was very nurturing to me, encouraged me to get back into the work of the ministry right away.

So I did so reluctantly. It all started out innocently enough, I suppose.

But one day I went to work and there were flowers there for me....from my pastor!

It was wild!

Had my head spinning. I mean here is what I thought I always wanted all my life, my spiritual life anyways. To be a preacher's wife....

And here this fiery preacher, 15 years my junior, was pursuing me.

I kept telling him I was flattered but still legally married to William. He assured me that was just a legality and once that was straight he had intentions of marrying me!

He even started telling folks in the church and his family he wanted to marry Min. Russ!

I was like, WHOAA! Things are going a little too fast here! I asked him to not do that, but he kept on.

Admittedly, when I first started going to this ministry before Katrina, I had feelings for him. And he knew it. So here I am vulnerable, rejected, wondering what's going on...

Then someone old enough to be my son was interested in me, or portrayed himself to be.

Well, after some months passed, the 'courtship' was officially over. I announced to him I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

It was hard in that I had feelings for him, and they were re ignited once he expressed interest in me and pursued me. To almost become a first lady then to have the church mad at you because you broke pastor's heart...well you can imagine what that was like....

For me and for the kids!

And the kids liked and respected the pastor, even moreso than they did their stepdad.

All I will say is that God let me know that marrying my pastor would be disastrous for the kids and I, especially having just come out of something crazy.

Exactly one and one half month after our 'breakup' if that is what you want to call it, the pastor married another girl in the church!

That was in September.

They are now separated.

I just keep thinking that could be me and the kids abandoned once more. Out on the streets hurt by another preacher.

But you see we were. Because my kids saw things they should not have seen from this 'pastor.'

I realize now he is no pastor. But an hireling. When Donovan told me what he saw, all I could do was cry and pray ....for Donovan.

A teenager struggling in his faith should never have had to see what he has in ministers this past year.

Please, PLEASE pray for Donovan. He is my sixteen year old. He has seen too much.

http://a602.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/3/m_8768b64e3e05e30b515cb491d598b7c9.jpg
Donovan, 16

What a sweet young man! I will pray for him, and your others. ;)

[GodsBabyGirl]

I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

AMEN! My understanding is that we are allowed only ONE marriage while that husband lives., IF we claim to have a covenant with JESUS.
Couples shold work really hard to make it work, and if it doesn't, well its time to face living single UNTIL one of the other dies, and in the meanwhile, lean on the LORD for He WILL give us the strength is we ask and believe., a woman that is strong in the LORD, or seeks STRENGTH from Him , does not need to seek anything from a man whom is NOT her husband, JESUS can easily and abundantly provide all!
I think of the Samaritan woman. SHe had 5 husbands and even the one to whom she was currently living with, the LORD acknowledged that he was not her husband as did she., I don't believe that He changes His mind dependent on personal circumstances., nor that He orchestrates something that is not within His own WORD. He is the same, yesterday today and forever! ;)
JMHO

I understand that is your humble opinion and you are definitely entitled to that.

I also am aware that by publicly disclosing something as personal as this I may attract responses regarding my choices to those who may not 'understand' them and may go as far as to judge them.

I chose to disclose it nonetheless because I do believe I will help someone. I have nothing to gain or lose by telling my business on the World Wide Web.

No, I haven't been on TBN. No, I am not internationally known. Even though things that folks are preaching now God revealed to me years ago. So I had my babies to preach to. They heard the word from me before Juanita, Paula, Gary, T.D. or all of them ever got it and went on TV with it.

And it didn't bother me. I didn't fret over it when I saw it. I just thank God He would entrust His Word to a poor, single black mother with a troubled past, even if just for a season.

To God be the Glory.

But I am content not being in ministry now. I am content in the fact I may never marry a preacher. Some preachers will send you to he _ _ faster than your flesh or the devil will...

All I can say is that we all have our lives to live. I am not looking for approval or acceptance of my choices, especially from someone who hasn't any idea what it has been like to walk in MY shoes.

You see, I wear a size 10 shoe. My feet are not like anyone's else feet on this earth. I believe that when one is born, that baby's feet are imprinted on some sort of documentation. I also believe that those footprints are individual, unique, specific to that person.

So I take GREAT comfort in knowing that my footprints, the map that God has planned for my life, is not like yours, and yours is NOT like mine.

You see, I take great comfort also, in knowing that those who are last shall be first and the first shall be last. That in these days we are living that God is going to break all religious rules to bless those whom He holds close and special to His heart.

I don't claim to be the only one, but I do know that no matter WHAT state I am in, that I am....

GOD'S BABY GIRL!

And when others say no, God says YES!

When others don't understand and criticize, God says, 'Watch what I do in her life and the lives of her kids...'

When others say whatever, it is only GOD'S word over our lives that will stand and prevail forever.

God bless you! : -)

[GodsBabyGirl]

What a sweet young man! I will pray for him, and your others. ;)

Thank q...he is a strong young man. His name means 'dark warrior.'

My warrior in the Spirit, I claim it in Jesus' name!

And look, SM, I am not directing the above post to you. You are stating your opinion.

But I had to post that because I wanted to speak to judgmental religious spirits that will creep in here and try to condemn

I don't want that. I just covet your prayers for me and my kids...

Peace...

[simplyme]

Thank you GBG and I posted that for whomever may benefit, I have been there done that, learned and now share, what little I know, to whomever may be meant to hear it; not to condemn, one of my greatest desires is to spare others from any needless hurt while there is time to make a decision. I'm glad that you can see that., and for sharing something that may help someone else -
Some preachers will send you to he _ _ faster than your flesh or the devil will...

this is a very important testimony to share; when I posted, I didn't know Donovan was not with you, the decision you made to send him to live with a good role model is a great sacrifice on your part I pray that he find favor with everyone over there, I'm sure he misses you and his siblings, but all will turn out for the best, a wiser you still has two others to raise for the LORD, GOD BLESS you all! ;)

[Mrs. LPW]

Damaris is a beautiful name.

[simplyme]

Notice that all their names start with a "D"???
All of those names are beautiful, that Dominic is a real heart-breaker, ain't he? ;)
Just wanna pick him up and squ-ee-ze him, :D

[TRFrance]

I'm assuming you didnt end up having any kids with him. Consider that a blessing in itself. I imagine it would be a whole lot more difficult to cut the ties and move on, if you and him did have kids.

You seem to be holding up well, considering how tough this must be. I'll definitely keep you in my prayers, sister.

Blessings...

[GodsBabyGirl]

Yes, I thank God for that...that we had no kids...

The D thing wasn't intentional, really...

LPW thanks for the compliment....Damaris is in the Bible Acts 17:34. She followed Paul as he followed Christ.

Dominic means belonging to God.

Donovan means dark warrior.

I thank God for them. And love them dearly

[Rhoni]

And NO I am not sharing this to build my so called ministry or whatever.

Since this is another Apostolic forum, I guess I am sharing details here as sort of a warning.

Just because someone has the label doesn't mean they have the goods, ya heard?

The guys who run that forum of there are great and it is a great place to fellowship. Just be careful

Folks can portray themselves to be anything they want online...even in a Christian forum...

God Bless

Sis,

When we are hungry to be loved, we don't pay attention to the signs. Don't be hard on yourself because there are many of us single women/single mothers who just want to be loved and cared for.

I met a man on the Apostolic Singles forum also. Come to find out he was still married. He was rude and judgemental and I finally had to report him to the administrator of the forum. It was then they came up with more stringent rules for being on the singles forum...you would think Apostolic men, especially those who claim ministry would be different from other men...but they aren't. They are just men.

Hindsight is 20/20 but now you know that you should never marry without extensive pre-marital counseling and taking time to get to know a person. At least a year. You are right. People can portray themselves to be anything they want on the internet.

Remind your son that it wasn't God , or ministry men that He can't believe in, but tell him that mothers, like everyone else make mistakes and judgements without thinking and take some of the responsibility for what happened so your son can put it into perspective.

Sis Wenona, we love you, just like we love Sis. Dora, and all the other truly 'human' people on this and other forums.

Blessings, Rhoni

[GodsBabyGirl]

Sis,

When we are hungry to be loved, we don't pay attention to the signs. Don't be hard on yourself because there are many of us single women/single mothers who just want to be loved and cared for.

I met a man on the Apostolic Singles forum also. Come to find out he was still married. He was rude and judgemental and I finally had to report him to the administrator of the forum. It was then they came up with more stringent rules for being on the singles forum...you would think Apostolic men, especially those who claim ministry would be different from other men...but they aren't. They are just men.

Hindsight is 20/20 but now you know that you should never marry without extensive pre-marital counseling and taking time to get to know a person. At least a year. You are right. People can portray themselves to be anything they want on the internet.

Remind your son that it wasn't God , or ministry men that He can't believe in, but tell him that mothers, like everyone else make mistakes and judgements without thinking and take some of the responsibility for what happened so your son can put it into perspective.

Sis Wenona, we love you, just like we love Sis. Dora, and all the other truly 'human' people on this and other forums.

Blessings, Rhoni

Sis, Thanks for that...I love you, too...

You guys are 'aright!' :hug3:amen

Thanks...and God Bless!
Sis Wenona

[GodsBabyGirl]

A kinda funny....

A woman of God who ministered to me much after the breakup of my marriage learned of the drama that ensued after returning to N.O.

She responded...

"My God???? Sis Wenona, you must be one he _ _ of a woman! You got all these men of God losing their minds!!!!!"

I laughed. Needed to and she knew it. But I can say...this all has made me realize I must be more valuable than I ever imagined.

I can actually say I feel for them two now. They didn't realize what a treasure I am, how precious I am in the sight of God....my kids and I.

And to those of us who has been hoodwinked, bamboozled, tricked,

WE are valuable in the eyes of God!!!!!

That gives me much comfort; I pray it does for you too!

Be blest!

[HeavenlyOne]

I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

AMEN! My understanding is that we are allowed only ONE marriage while that husband lives., IF we claim to have a covenant with JESUS.
Couples should work really hard to make it work, and if it doesn't, well its time to face living single UNTIL one of or the other dies, and in the meanwhile, lean on the LORD for He WILL give us the strength if we ask and believe., a woman that is strong in the LORD, or seeks STRENGTH from Him , does not need to seek anything from a man whom is NOT her husband, JESUS can easily and abundantly provide all!
I think of the Samaritan woman. SHe had 5 husbands and even the one to whom she was currently living with, the LORD acknowledged that he was not her husband as did she., I don't believe that He changes His mind dependent on personal circumstances., nor that He orchestrates something that is not within His own WORD. He is the same, yesterday today and forever! ;)
JMHO

You know, makes me wonder why Jesus acknowledged her having 5 husbands if she didn't have a reason to divorce the first one. Or the second. Or the third.......

Food for thought.

[Sam]

You know, makes me wonder why Jesus acknowledged her having 5 husbands if she didn't have a reason to divorce the first one. Or the second. Or the third.......

Food for thought.

Actually, Jesus didn't say "you have 5 husbands" like some preachers would say today. He said, "You have had 5 husbands" because they were no longer husbands.

In Deut 24 where God gives rules about divorce, he uses terms like "former" husband because that person is no longer a husband. Jesus was probably referring to that passage.

[SDG]

A kinda funny....

A woman of God who ministered to me much after the breakup of my marriage learned of the drama that ensued after returning to N.O.

She responded...

"My God???? Sis Wenona, you must be one he _ _ of a woman! You got all these men of God losing their minds!!!!!"

I laughed. Needed to and she knew it. But I can say...this all has made me realize I must be more valuable than I ever imagined.

I can actually say I feel for them two now. They didn't realize what a treasure I am, how precious I am in the sight of God....my kids and I.

And to those of us who has been hoodwinked, bamboozled, tricked,

WE are valuable in the eyes of God!!!!!

That gives me much comfort; I pray it does for you too!

Be blest!

Sis Wenona ... I am comforted by your beautiful spirit and outlook. Having experienced a divorce after 12 years of marriage was incredibly difficult to deal w/ and it took some time for me to heal ... Please know that I will be praying for your family and you.

Know that He's holding on to us ... even when we feel like we're desperately trying to hold on to Him.

Be blessed sis ... Thanx for your being candid and transparent.

[HeavenlyOne]

Actually, Jesus didn't say "you have 5 husbands" like some preachers would say today. He said, "You have had 5 husbands" because they were no longer husbands.

In Deut 24 where God gives rules about divorce, he uses terms like "former" husband because that person is no longer a husband. Jesus was probably referring to that passage.

But at one point they were husbands, according to Jesus. If she wasn't legally married, I wonder why He called them 'husbands'.

Where are the 'God doesn't change' people at? LOL!

[Ronzo]

You know, makes me wonder why Jesus acknowledged her having 5 husbands if she didn't have a reason to divorce the first one. Or the second. Or the third.......

Food for thought.

Don't fight the traditions of men, H1. ;)

lol



Let them believe what they wish. They have the right to be wrong...

[Rico]

Sis,

When we are hungry to be loved, we don't pay attention to the signs. Don't be hard on yourself because there are many of us single women/single mothers who just want to be loved and cared for.

I met a man on the Apostolic Singles forum also. Come to find out he was still married. He was rude and judgemental and I finally had to report him to the administrator of the forum. It was then they came up with more stringent rules for being on the singles forum...you would think Apostolic men, especially those who claim ministry would be different from other men...but they aren't. They are just men.

Hindsight is 20/20 but now you know that you should never marry without extensive pre-marital counseling and taking time to get to know a person. At least a year. You are right. People can portray themselves to be anything they want on the internet.

Remind your son that it wasn't God , or ministry men that He can't believe in, but tell him that mothers, like everyone else make mistakes and judgements without thinking and take some of the responsibility for what happened so your son can put it into perspective.

Sis Wenona, we love you, just like we love Sis. Dora, and all the other truly 'human' people on this and other forums.

Blessings, Rhoni


Sister, I don't agree that extensive marital counseling is necessary. A person just needs to be smart enough to know what issues need to be discussed and dealt with before saying the "I dos".

Using what Sister W has shared with us concerning her situation, it's pretty obvious to me that certain things weren't discussed before the marriage took place, or adequate solutions weren't agreed upon. The most glaring example is the issue with that many people in a 2 bedroom apartment. Blending two families together is hard enough without adding the stress of cramming two adults with all those children into such a small space. Living in a family with 4 children has not been a piece of cake for us, and she and I made all these babies together. I could not imagine merging my four children with another woman's children into one family without first anticipating that it would cause issues and having a plan in place to deal with those issues.

Another example would be the issue with the church he pastored. In three months of visiting him, prior to marrying him, there's no mention of her verifying that the church he pastored was actually apostolic. The question that comes to my mind is why not?

Keep in mind I am not picking on Sister Wenona. She gave the details and I am using those details in my response to your comment that extensive counseling is necessary before getting married. It doesn't take extensive counseling. It just takes some common sense.

Anyway, Sis Wenona, I am sorry to hear that things fell apart for you. The best piece of advice I can give you is to stop looking for a man to be in your life. Let God decide who that man is going to be and let Him put that man in your life for you. He (God) doesn't make any mistakes and you will know that you that you know it's God doing the giving when it's coming from Him. Just keepin it real, Sister. God bless you. :)

[TRFrance]

I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

AMEN! My understanding is that we are allowed only ONE marriage while that husband lives., IF we claim to have a covenant with JESUS.
Couples should work really hard to make it work, andif it doesn't, well its time to face living single UNTIL one of or the other dies, and in the meanwhile, lean on the LORD for He WILL give us the strength if we ask and believe., a woman that is strong in the LORD, or seeks STRENGTH from Him , does not need to seek anything from a man whom is NOT her husband, JESUS can easily and abundantly provide all!
I think of the Samaritan woman. SHe had 5 husbands and even the one to whom she was currently living with, the LORD acknowledged that he was not her husband as did she., I don't believe that He changes His mind dependent on personal circumstances., nor that He orchestrates something that is not within His own WORD. He is the same, yesterday today and forever! ;)
JMHO

1... First off, your "understanding" of this is not correct. (And yes, I'm familiar with the scriptures you'll use to support your view. We don't have to "go there".)

But that being said...

2... this thread is more centered on the grief this sister is dealing with after going through a very difficult, emotionally traumatic experience . With all due respect, spouting your "understanding" of marriage/divorce doctrine is probably not what's needed right now.

[COOPER]

There is more...Exactly one and one half month after our 'breakup' if that is what you want to call it, the pastor married another girl in the church!

That was in September.

They are now separated.

I just keep thinking that could be me and the kids abandoned once more. Out on the streets hurt by another preacher.

But you see we were. Because my kids saw things they should not have seen from this 'pastor.'


http://a602.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/3/m_8768b64e3e05e30b515cb491d598b7c9.jpg
Donovan, 16


I would stay clear of dating anything in the ministry from now on.

In fact I would drop out of Churches for a while and just focus on the family.

You do not need to have a man in your life.......stop looking or even pray'n for a stink'n man .(sounds like you are better off with out one).

[MissBrattified]

I would stay clear of dating anything in the ministry from now on.

Coop. :rolleyes:

In fact I would drop out of Churches for a while and just focus on the family.

This is a completely unnecessary recommendation. The church as a whole didn't cause this problem, therefore there is no reason to drop out of church. And focusing on family is not something that takes the place of church, it isn't either/or. We focus on our family AND we attend church with our family.

You do not need to have a man in your life.......stop looking or even pray'n for a stink'n man .(sounds like you are better off with out one).

This part I agree with. :) God will provide things in good time. Focusing on building relationships with your children is a much better use of time.

[GodsBabyGirl]

I really appreciate your prayers and 'condolences...'

Rico, I appreciate you keepin it real....thanks...what was supposed to be a temp living situation well, didn't turn out that way....

Coop, I hear what you are saying. Trust me, if I see a preacher looking at me side ways I run for the hills! :tantrum

I still go to church. Admittedly the kids go more than I do, to a REAL UPC church. Baptize in Jesus name, witnessed many baptisms there. They have been great...great youth ministry. Great pastor...and church family.

It's just that I don't think I will ever be as 'faithful' to a local body as I once was.

That will take some time.

God Bless...

[Falla39]

I can tell you from experience that this little chorus is profound! Maybe it sounds
a little too simplistic but it is true! We need to FOCUS on HIM!

Turn your eyes upon JESUS, look full in HIS Wonderful Face!
And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of HIS glory and grace.

I hummed this song while giving birth to a baby. It seemed I was
floating just above the bed. Don't tell me I don't know what I am
speaking of. No, I had no drugs so it wasn't that.

Whatever the situation, the same God will be there for you. It may
not be a divorce situation. There are many situations in which we
need the wisdom of the ALL-Wise One, not just in marriages. There
are the financial, the child rearing, the educational, and MOST of all
the spiritual wisdom that He gives. His Word tells us that if we lack
wisdom, let us ask of God who gives liberally. He has all we need, in
every area of life!!


These words are not to offend but to encourage! These are learned
words from many years of experience.

Blessings,

Falla39

[COOPER]

I really appreciate your prayers and 'condolences...'

Rico, I appreciate you keepin it real....thanks...what was supposed to be a temp living situation well, didn't turn out that way....

Coop, I hear what you are saying. Trust me, if I see a preacher looking at me side ways I run for the hills! :tantrum

I still go to church. Admittedly the kids go more than I do, to a REAL UPC church. Baptize in Jesus name, witnessed many baptisms there. They have been great...great youth ministry. Great pastor...and church family.

It's just that I don't think I will ever be as 'faithful' to a local body as I once was.


That will take some time.

God Bless...


I hope you,the kids find some good fun and family bonding and healing.

Thats what I mean about laying low from Church for a while.

Our family loves to camp, fish and ride horses. Every one needs to escape for a while.

Just some good old down time recreating as a family is what I mean.

Go get pampered and spoil your selves for a while.



Then go back and praise God at church.

[TRFrance]

In fact I would drop out of Churches for a while and just focus on the family.


Are you kidding me?
What kind of absurd advice is that?

After going thru such a difficult experience, now more than ever is when the sister should be in a healthy, well balanced church envorionment.

[COOPER]

Are you kidding me?
What kind of absurd (and unbiblical) advice is that?



After going thru such a difficult experience, now more than ever is when the sister should be in a healthy, well balanced church environment.

Let me clarify this from my previous post. It's not un-biblicalI hope you,the kids find some good fun and family bonding and healing.

Thats what I mean about laying low from Church for a while.

Our family loves to camp, fish and ride horses. Every one needs to escape for a while.

Just some good old down time recreating as a family is what I mean.

Go get pampered and spoil your selves for a while.



Then go back and praise God at church.

[aquestioninggirl]

Please please - how many people belong to that forum and we just heard of 2 bad apples and the whole forum is scary-NOT

We don't even know for sure who we talk to on ANY forum

When someone opens themselves up to go on a forum - it is opening up a world of the unknown for sure

I feel sorry for sister but as she said it was tooo soon and definately was not a wise choice...we just can't mark everyone for that one individual that does not deserve this precious lady who wants to bring her children up in the sight of God and be a godly woman herself. I am sincerely sorry for your trouble you have been through. Word of wisdom: Don't get bit twice~


THat place is scarey to me even more so than other forums because I personally know how vunerable and trusting Apostolic women are. They are very much more so than wordley women. And wordley men know how to get to an Apostolic woman, some will go to church, youth camp or a forum. I have met men who have told me that it was an objective of theres to see how many "UPC" women they could get.

[aquestioninggirl]

I still believe eharmony is far superior to any "apostolic" singles site out there. :)
Guys, and some women, KNOW what buttons to push on an apostolic site and will. Case in point, all a guy needs to do is proclaim his call to preach and talk up his conservative view on "standards" and there will be no end of ladies who fall for him. All a woman has to do is proclaim her "meekness" and willingness to do nothing but support her "husband" in his calling and bare his children. And plenty of guys will jump on THAT like bears on honey.

You are correct sir!

[ForeverBlessed]

I do not understand those who claim to be Apostolic who continually divorce, remarry, divorce and remarry and continue over and over. All of the remarrying/divorcing over and over again is wrong scripturally.

AMEN! My understanding is that we are allowed only ONE marriage while that husband lives., IF we claim to have a covenant with JESUS.
Couples should work really hard to make it work, and if it doesn't, well its time to face living single UNTIL one of or the other dies, and in the meanwhile, lean on the LORD for He WILL give us the strength if we ask and believe., a woman that is strong in the LORD, or seeks STRENGTH from Him , does not need to seek anything from a man whom is NOT her husband, JESUS can easily and abundantly provide all!
I think of the Samaritan woman. SHe had 5 husbands and even the one to whom she was currently living with, the LORD acknowledged that he was not her husband as did she., I don't believe that He changes His mind dependent on personal circumstances., nor that He orchestrates something that is not within His own WORD. He is the same, yesterday today and forever! ;)
JMHO
Actually I do believe in remarriage in cases of fornication/adultery. I was referring to those who keep the cycle going over and over as Christians on that site. Personally, I was divorced because of adultery and he remarried and even divorced again. I bent over backwards to reconcile several times… God knows my situation and I am at peace because I did all I could do to keep my family together.

However, I do respect your beliefs.. I know that several here on the forum does hold to the belief that you do.

["GL"]

I'm sorry for your experience, GBG. May your healing spring forth speedily.

Lessons to be learned from her experience as well as the experience of others may be as follows:

1. Be patient. 3 months in a long distance relationship may not be enough time to really know someone. You need time to observe them when they're hurt. Observe them when they're angry. Observe the way in which they worship (you can't do that by being in service with them once or twice). Observe them as they live out the Word in their personal life. Observe them in difficult situations. Marriage is a life long comittment....a covenant, not a gamble. Put your faith before your feelings. Follow God's voice and His Word, not your heart. Be patient.

2. Do your research. Get pastoral references, if possible. Do a background search. If he/she was divorced, don't take their word for the reasons they divorced. You owe it to yourself, your family and your future to research. If you have minor children, you are putting them at risk by not doing adequate research. More than a substitute daddy, children need a safe, stable home environment. If you are considering moving, make sure the home church and pastor are a good fit for you. You will need more relationships than that of your potential new spouse. The love of a man or woman will not carry you through. You will need community, friendships, and spiritual authority.

3. Seek God first. A husband or wife will not be the answer to all of your problems. In fact, they may just compound them. Become single-hearted in your devotion to God and His absolute truth in your life. NEVER marry or date when you are in a vulnerable place in your life. You are prone do make mistakes in judgment and be shortsighted when vulnerable. By giving yourself wholly to God in every area of your life, you put yourself in the proper position for Him to add to you everything you really need.

[Sam]

This is how Deuteronomy 24:1-4 reads in the Dead Sea scrolls:

1 If a man takes a wife and marries her, but she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found something objectionable about her, then he shall write her a bill of divorce and put it in her hand and send her from his house. 2 She may then go and be another man’s wife, 3 And if the latter husband who took her to be his wife dislikes her and writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her from his house, or if the latter husband who took her to be his wife dies, 4 her former husband who had sent her away, cannot take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled. For that is an abomination before the Lord; you shall not bring sin upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

The Septuagint, some times called the LXX, is the ancient Greek version of the Hebrew Scriptures translated by a number of different Jewish scholars over the course of the third, second, and first centuries BC. The LXX was the Scriptures that the Apostles used in their writings which became our New Testament. Here is how Deut 24:1-4 reads in the LXX (Apostolic Bible Polyglot First Edition copyright 1996)
1 And if any take a woman and should live with her, and it shall be if she should not find favor before him, for he finds in her an indecent thing, then he shall write to her a certificate of divorce scroll, and he shall put it into her hands and he shall send her from out of his house. 2 And going forth, should she become another man’s wife, 3 and the last husband should detest her, and should write to her a certificate of divorce scroll, and he should put it into her hands, and send her from out of his house or her last husband should die who took her to himself as wife; 4 the former husband sending her out shall not be able to return to take her to himself for a wife after her being defiled; for it is an abomination before the Lord your God, and you shall not defile the land which the Lord your God gives to you by lot.
The Complete Apostle’s Bible, copyright 2003 uses the term “unbecoming thing” instead of “indecent thing” like the version above.

As Hebrew became more unfamiliar with people, it became the custom for a person to give a paraphrase in Aramaic for the Scripture that had been read aloud in Hebrew. This paraphrase was called a Targum. Something like this took place in Nehemiah 8:1-8. At first a targum could not be written down but memorized. Later they were written out. Here is how a targum of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 reads. Note that the verses are not numbered:
When a man hath taken a wife and gone unto her, if she hath not favour in his eyes because he findeth the thing that is wrong in her, then he may write her a bill of divorce before the court of justice, and put it into her power, and send her away from his house. And departing from his house she may go and marry another man. But should they proclaim from the heavens about her that the latter husband shall dislike her, and write her a bill of divorce, and put it into her power to go from his house; or should they proclaim about him that lie the latter husband shall die: it shall not be in the power of the first husband who dismissed her at the beginning to return and take her to be with him as his wife, after that she hath been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord: for the children whom she might bear should not be made abominable, or the land which the Lord your God giveth you to inherit become obnoxious to the plague.

The above three readings can give us an idea of how the Jewish people understood what is called Deuteronomy 24:1-4 in our Bibles around the time of the establishment of the New Testament Church. In each case divorce was permitted if the husband found something “objectionable about her” (Dead Seas Scroll), or “an indecent thing” (LXX), or “an unbecoming thing” (LXX) or “a thing that is wrong” (Targum). This would not be divorce because of adultery because the penalty for that was death. This “unbecoming thing” had become pretty loose interpreted around the first century BC and AD and divorce was allowed if the man found someone he liked better or if the wife’s voice could be heard by the neighbors or basically if the husband felt like something was the matter with her.

The following is from a current Jewish version of the Old Testament

Deuteronomy 24
Jewish Publication Society Tanakh (1917)
1 When a man taketh a wife, and marrieth her, then it cometh to pass, if she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her, that he writeth her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house, 2 and she departeth out of his house, and goeth and becometh another man's wife, 3 and the latter husband hateth her, and writeth her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, who took her to be his wife; 4 her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD; and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

I just included these verses to show that the Jewish people and therefore the early Christians had a more liberal view of divorce and remarriage than many of us have today. It's not my place to judge anyone who divorces.

["GL"]

.....I just included these verses to show that the Jewish people and therefore the early Christians had a more liberal view of divorce and remarriage than many of us have today. It's not my place to judge anyone who divorces.

Not so, my friend. True that Jews had a liberal view of divorce, but not the followers of Christ. In fact, He addressed the allowance by Moses as a result of the hardness of their hearts. In His followers He has replaced that stony heart, with a heart of flesh...

Matt 19:3-10
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" 4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." 7 They said to Him,"Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" 8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." 10 His disciples said to Him,"If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry." NKJV

[Rhoni]

Sister, I don't agree that extensive marital counseling is necessary. A person just needs to be smart enough to know what issues need to be discussed and dealt with before saying the "I dos".

Using what Sister W has shared with us concerning her situation, it's pretty obvious to me that certain things weren't discussed before the marriage took place, or adequate solutions weren't agreed upon. The most glaring example is the issue with that many people in a 2 bedroom apartment. Blending two families together is hard enough without adding the stress of cramming two adults with all those children into such a small space. Living in a family with 4 children has not been a piece of cake for us, and she and I made all these babies together. I could not imagine merging my four children with another woman's children into one family without first anticipating that it would cause issues and having a plan in place to deal with those issues.

Another example would be the issue with the church he pastored. In three months of visiting him, prior to marrying him, there's no mention of her verifying that the church he pastored was actually apostolic. The question that comes to my mind is why not?

Keep in mind I am not picking on Sister Wenona. She gave the details and I am using those details in my response to your comment that extensive counseling is necessary before getting married. It doesn't take extensive counseling. It just takes some common sense.

Anyway, Sis Wenona, I am sorry to hear that things fell apart for you. The best piece of advice I can give you is to stop looking for a man to be in your life. Let God decide who that man is going to be and let Him put that man in your life for you. He (God) doesn't make any mistakes and you will know that you that you know it's God doing the giving when it's coming from Him. Just keepin it real, Sister. God bless you. :)

People in love have no common sense. Besides if a person had common sense they would go into pre-marital counseling with prayer as to the will of God being made manifest through the sessions. In the multitude of counselors there is wisdom...wisdom is much better than man's view of 'common sense'.


Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

THat place is scarey to me even more so than other forums because I personally know how vunerable and trusting Apostolic women are. They are very much more so than wordley women. And wordley men know how to get to an Apostolic woman, some will go to church, youth camp or a forum. I have met men who have told me that it was an objective of theres to see how many "UPC" women they could get.

To the pure all things are pure [KJV] spoken to me by my Pastor's wife.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I'm sorry for your experience, GBG. May your healing spring forth speedily.

Lessons to be learned from her experience as well as the experience of others may be as follows:

1. Be patient. 3 months in a long distance relationship may not be enough time to really know someone. You need time to observe them when they're hurt. Observe them when they're angry. Observe the way in which they worship (you can't do that by being in service with them once or twice). Observe them as they live out the Word in their personal life. Observe them in difficult situations. Marriage is a life long comittment....a covenant, not a gamble. Put your faith before your feelings. Follow God's voice and His Word, not your heart. Be patient.

2. Do your research. Get pastoral references, if possible. Do a background search. If he/she was divorced, don't take their word for the reasons they divorced. You owe it to yourself, your family and your future to research. If you have minor children, you are putting them at risk by not doing adequate research. More than a substitute daddy, children need a safe, stable home environment. If you are considering moving, make sure the home church and pastor are a good fit for you. You will need more relationships than that of your potential new spouse. The love of a man or woman will not carry you through. You will need community, friendships, and spiritual authority.

3. Seek God first. A husband or wife will not be the answer to all of your problems. In fact, they may just compound them. Become single-hearted in your devotion to God and His absolute truth in your life. NEVER marry or date when you are in a vulnerable place in your life. You are prone do make mistakes in judgment and be shortsighted when vulnerable. By giving yourself wholly to God in every area of your life, you put yourself in the proper position for Him to add to you everything you really need.

Excellent advice:friend

[Rhoni]

Not so, my friend. True that Jews had a liberal view of divorce, but not the followers of Christ. In fact, He addressed the allowance by Moses as a result of the hardness of their hearts. In His followers He has replaced that stony heart, with a heart of flesh...

:friend You have some wisdom many don't possess. Hope it hasn't come through hard knocks but through relationship to the Holy Spirit.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Scott Hutchinson]

Dearest Sister In Christ I'm sorry for your ordeal and your trial.

[Trouvere]

Sister Wenona you are a dear.lv Sis Dana

[AmazingGrace]

God bless you Sis Wenona.. I just had a chance to read this thread and I have to say I may not understand where you have been as no one can say unless they have walked those exact shoes but I do indeed sympathize and pray for your family. Especially your son. I pray he does get the good male role model experience he needs and he grows up to be the wonderful young man that we all know he is..

[aquestioninggirl]

To the pure all things are pure [KJV] spoken to me by my Pastor's wife.

Blessings, Rhoni

You know that is actually a good point I had never thought of...... so it is because they don't have a reason not to trust because they have just seen good thing all their lives and been sheltered from bad.

[Rhoni]

You know that is actually a good point I had never thought of...... so it is because they don't have a reason not to trust because they have just seen good thing all their lives and been sheltered from bad.


If your mind is on things of God and holy thoughts you do not think of being taken advantage of but think about God blessing you with a good husband. Many Apostolic women trust God, the church, Christians to be what they seem to be. The awful truth is there are many wolves in sheeps clothing.

There are times I wish I were as innocent as I used to be, and then times I am thankful I am not. One must be aware of the warning signs and give enough time and prayer to a relationship to discern what is a blessing and what is a curse.

Being pure is not about age, or even about past experience, as much as it is about trusting those who profess to be Christians. I must confess, in 2005 I was taken advantage of. I stopped paying attention and gave my heart to one who didn't deserve it. But thanks be to God who takes care of such unsuspecting ones such as I.

May others, like myself, be aware so as not to fall into the pit unsuspecting. And may others be delivered from themselves by falling into the pit with their eyes wide open.

Blessings, Rhoni