View Full Version : Humorous things that have happened in Church
U376977
06-02-2008, 12:28 PM
Ok, here is your chance to tell. Write something funny that has happened at your church; slips of the tongue, shouting, easter play disasters, etc. Be truthful, and change names to protect the innocent!
StMark
06-02-2008, 12:42 PM
There was an obese woman who was shouting and her panties came off.
The Mrs
06-02-2008, 12:46 PM
We've had several of these kinds of threads in the past.
I think Mark started one from our former forum that was priceless. Had a LOT of good stories on that one. :gaga
Here's a link to some Pulpit Bloopers (http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=12930). I think this was the latest thread on this subject.
StMark
06-02-2008, 12:52 PM
has anyone ever had someone come out of the restroom with toilet tissue coming out of the backside ??? haha!
Cindy
06-02-2008, 12:53 PM
There was an obese woman who was shouting and her panties came off.
Boy, there is something just wrong in that.
Cindy
06-02-2008, 12:53 PM
has anyone ever had someone come out of the restroom with toilet tissue coming out of the backside ??? haha!
Worse than that, with they're skirt/dress tucked into they're pantyhose.
Cindy
06-02-2008, 12:55 PM
My favorite is I went into the ladies room and before I turned the light on I heard water splashing. I thought that was odd, turned the light on. There was a squirrel in the toilet with it's paws on the seat and it's tail splashing in the water. I screamed, people rushed in. Noone knew what to do. My teenage daugther went to the car grabbed a blanket and scooped it up and took it outside and released it.
StMark
06-02-2008, 12:59 PM
Worse than that, with they're skirt/dress tucked into they're pantyhose.
well when you weigh 385 lbs things happen :bliss
BoJangles
06-02-2008, 01:37 PM
Bellydancers.
U376977
06-02-2008, 02:04 PM
Ok, here is one that counts as a slip of the tongue. My dad is the guilty party. There is an old hymn called, "I would not be denied." I think the correct line in the song is "till Jesus comes and makes me whole." Well my Pastor always asked that we sing, "till Jesus comes and blesses my soul." We were visiting another church and sure enough they sang the hymn. My Dad started to sing the way our Pastor did the song, but mid line realized his mistake and switched. So you boldly sang out "Till Jesus come and blesses my whole." Of course, everyone heard, "till Jesus comes and blesses my hole." Several people turned to look at my Dad and laughter broke out to the point that some had to walk out to gain composure and my Dad was holding his face buried between his knees in embarressment.
rgcraig
06-02-2008, 02:24 PM
My favorite is I went into the ladies room and before I turned the light on I heard water splashing. I thought that was odd, turned the light on. There was a squirrel in the toilet with it's paws on the seat and it's tail splashing in the water. I screamed, people rushed in. Noone knew what to do. My teenage daugther went to the car grabbed a blanket and scooped it up and took it outside and released it.
That is hilarious!!!!
Cindy
06-02-2008, 02:26 PM
That is hilarious!!!!
It really was, especially all the men standing around trying to think of what to do. :toofunny
Cindy
06-02-2008, 02:28 PM
That is hilarious!!!!
Also this was right after services and I had to wait until another lady got through. She said, how did I miss a squirrel in the toilet. We all busted out laughing.
MissBrattified
06-02-2008, 05:22 PM
Has anyone ever seen a woman come out of the bathroom with her dress tucked up in her hiney--and NOT told her? :D I HAVE. hehe
Was it wrong of me to let it go like that? :D :D :D ...Yes. I am a terrible, TERRIBLE person. :D
THAT makes me a Gold Star Member of the BFM Club. (Whose members are mostly nonexistent[here]. Sniff.)
I didn't really think this was funny at the time, but..................... I used to sit in the back row of the church. This 85 year old sister got up to go to the bathroom, and either thought the coast was clear or couldn't hold it in any more. She started farting to the beat of every step she took! When she fired off the first round, I was like, "what?????" I turned around and there she was, makin music to the beat of her own footsteps; fart, fart, fart, fart, fart! :killinme She was old too, and took short steps everywhere she went! I never said a thing to her about that day! :D
jaxfam6
06-02-2008, 05:53 PM
We had a lady standing talking to my brother, the pastor at the church, and while talking to him her panties feel to the floor and she walked right out of them like she did not know they had even fallen off.
Our church was converted from an OLD BARN. We had the biggest oak beams holding it up running willy nilly around the place. One service a young lady took of running the isles with her EYES CLOSED. Yep you guessed it, right smack into one of those big oak beams just as she got to full speed. The funny thing is it was right in the front of the church so EVERYONE saw it. She did just like the cartoons, feet and hands up when she hit and she slid down the thing and fell out flat on her back. Now the bad news, she must not have been in the spirit because she broke her collar bone.
My dad then said that the Bible speaks of watch and pray and he wanted everyone to practice that ESPECIALLY when they worshipped.
MissBrattified
06-02-2008, 05:58 PM
We had a lady standing talking to my brother, the pastor at the church, and while talking to him her panties feel to the floor and she walked right out of them like she did not know they had even fallen off.
Well, that's the only dignified thing TO do! ROFL!!!!!!
Our church was converted from an OLD BARN. We had the biggest oak beams holding it up running willy nilly around the place. One service a young lady took of running the isles with her EYES CLOSED. Yep you guessed it, right smack into one of those big oak beams just as she got to full speed. The funny thing is it was right in the front of the church so EVERYONE saw it. She did just like the cartoons, feet and hands up when she hit and she slid down the thing and fell out flat on her back. Now the bad news, she must not have been in the spirit because she broke her collar bone.
Yikes!
My dad then said that the Bible speaks of watch and pray and he wanted everyoneto practice that ESPECIALLY when they worshipped.
That's funny--my dad used to say the same thing. :) We had this guy in our church who would flail his arms and hit anything or anyone in his vicinity. So my Dad told him to leave his eyes open. LOL! I guess he thought he couldn't be spiritual if his eyes were open.
MissBrattified
06-02-2008, 05:59 PM
I didn't really think this was funny at the time, but..................... I used to sit in the back row of the church. This 85 year old sister got up to go to the bathroom, and either thought the coast was clear or couldn't hold it in any more. She started farting to the beat of every step she took! When she fired off the first round, I was like, "what?????" I turned around and there she was, makin music to the beat of her own footsteps; fart, fart, fart, fart, fart! :killinme She was old too, and took short steps everywhere she went! I never said a thing to her about that day! :D
:heeheehee
jaxfam6
06-02-2008, 05:59 PM
One service we had one of those Holy Ghost blowouts. Two olde ladies stood facing each other with fingers pointing just jabbering away in tongues like they were in an argument. That as funny to watch.
My brother was preaching one night and his zipper was not zipped up. I was sitting on the front row and he kept walking back and forth in front of me. Of course I noticed his shirt showing through his pants zipper and decided to tell him. So everytime he came by I would say, just loud enough for him to hear, :your fly is undone". I must have said it a dozen times before he realized what I was saying and immediately he dodges behind one of those infamous beams and says "everyone raise your hands and close your eyes and give God some praise".
At another church we went to a guest minister was preaching and must have realized his fly was open and went behind the pulpit to zip up. Only thing is our pulpit had a glass front and everyone saw it. People started laughing and he realized he was caught. It really threw him off and he had a terrible time finishing that message.
jaxfam6
06-02-2008, 06:01 PM
Well, that's the only dignified thing TO do! ROFL!!!!!!
Yikes!
That's funny--my dad used to say the same thing. :) We had this guy in our church who would flail his arms and hit anything or anyone in his vicinity. So my Dad told him to leave his eyes open. LOL! I guess he thought he couldn't be spiritual if his eyes were open.
I think there are many who have that notion
I opened my eyes up once, while God was doing one of those helicopter things with me. Whew! Never did that again! I always kept my eyes open when running though. Didn't do me much good the night I hit the wall at full force, though. Didn't even get a scratch, THANK YA JESUS!!
jaxfam6
06-02-2008, 06:13 PM
Me and my dignified northern self was visitin my sister in Vidalia LA and the service was going good. I decided I would run around the church because not much could go wrong with that. I certainly was not going to DANCE around that place. Those people are nuts. I was NOT like them.
I ook out and made it around to the right hand side of the front and tripped and ROOOOOOOOLLLLLLLEEEEEDDDDDDD all the way across the front of the church. I just decided to lay there and let them think I was in the spirit and at some good point get up and go back to my seat. Thankfully know one caught on to me. Till now and I told on myself. Yes folks that northern boy rolled across the front of your church. I was not in the spirit when it happened I was very much in my clutsy ole flesh.
Here's somethin funny that happened in church.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8bLPELvj7I4
StMark
06-02-2008, 06:38 PM
we recently had a visitor bring McDonald's to church.
she ate her burger and fries during the preaching. and had a soda to drink.
I was shocked that no one stopped her !
steve p
06-02-2008, 06:57 PM
we recently had a visitor bring McDonald's to church.
she ate her burger and fries during the preaching. and had a soda to drink.
I was shocked that no one stopped her !
As a teen, I really knew nothing about apostolic churches. One evening while strolling along with an ice cream cone, I happened upon a Pentecostol tent revival. Curiously, I went inside, sat down, and continued to eat my ice cream. Well it must have caused a stir, because, my mom knew about it before I got home that evening. Being the good Baptist preachers daughter she was....she wore my rear end out!!!!!!
LOL
Blessings!
chosenbyone
06-02-2008, 10:53 PM
There was an obese woman who was shouting and her panties came off.
That happened to my Aunt one time when she went to a meeting (I think it was a special singing event) at a large church. She and her friend had been running a little late, but they thought they had gotten lucky when the usher escorted them right up front to be seated.
My aunt said that to her horror, her panties fell down to her feet and tripped her right as she was about to be seated. She said she just grabbed those suckers and threw them in her purse.
And, yes, she has always been a large woman too! That never seemed to bother her though...she always viewed herself as one sexy mama (except for maybe that night when her panties fell to the floor).
Cindy
06-02-2008, 11:12 PM
My youngest daughter, when she was about 5 years old walked up on the platform to an open mic after church and started singing a Garth Brooks song, I've Got Friends in Low Places. Thankfully only a few people were still there and they just laughed.
I used to sing in a trio with my sisters starting at a very young age. One night I or one of my sisters messed some part of the song up and I started laughing. The more I laughed the angrier I could see one of my sisters getting until she ended up walking right off the platform.
BoJangles
06-03-2008, 04:17 AM
Bellydancers.
I was hoping for at least one person to ask me what I meant, so I'll just tell ya anyway.
There was a woman in her 50's who was going to get married and she was so happy that she started doing these elaborate dances. Looked like a belly dancer to me.
One time during church when she was doing her bellydancing, another woman didnt like it and made that woman sit down. She took her by the hand and led that woman back to her seat and made her sit down. :toofunny
jaxfam6
06-03-2008, 07:19 AM
I was hoping for at least one person to ask me what I meant, so I'll just tell ya anyway.
There was a woman in her 50's who was going to get married and she was so happy that she started doing these elaborate dances. Looked like a belly dancer to me.
One time during church when she was doing her bellydancing, another woman didnt like it and made that woman sit down. She took her by the hand and led that woman back to her seat and made her sit down. :toofunny
Sounds like she either was a bitter old maid or else she was just jealous the other lady was happy about getting married and her own marriage was not so good.
That is funny. I can see it now.
When I was about 12 I started helping in the camp kitchen. I have always loved to cook, even from a young age. Besides the ladies in the kitchen were actually much more fun then the kids were. They were older and wiser and more compassionate.
Ondear sister was rather heavy. She was funny. She was showing me how to whip up the heavy cream and make it into a whipped topping. As it started to thicken it got all jiggly and she started laughing and said, "hey it looks like me" and started moving around and making her stomach jiggle, Sorta like an overweight belly dancer. We were all laughing very hard when she sqeales like a pig and runs off for the bathroom. She had laughed so hard she started to pee her pants, which made us all laugh even harder.
We had a guy at camp that was nasty. He was one of those people with a spirit that even a young person could pick up on and know he did not have good intentions. I had a Mason jar of iced tea that I had been drinking. He had gotten to know that I kept it around and always full. One of the ladies had filled another jar with bacon grease. He comes through sees the bacon grease and askes if it is my tea. Me, I just look up and say yes. He picks it up and downs a big gulp of it. He comes up spitting and gagging and yelling because I had told him it was tea. He never asked if it was my tea again and never tried to drink after me any more either. NOW THAT ONE GOT A HUGE LAUGH FROM THE ENTIRE KITCHEN. Sorry to say but none of us liked him or trusted him.
dizzyde
06-04-2008, 02:32 PM
Well, that's the only dignified thing TO do! ROFL!!!!!!
Yikes!
That's funny--my dad used to say the same thing. :) We had this guy in our church who would flail his arms and hit anything or anyone in his vicinity. So my Dad told him to leave his eyes open. LOL! I guess he thought he couldn't be spiritual if his eyes were open.
On that note, years ago we had a guy knock a fire extinguisher off the wall while shouting with his eyes closed, it cleared the building in about 60 seconds!! That stuff was everywhere!! :happydance
Brother Tom
06-04-2008, 04:34 PM
Hahha,.. I have really enjoyed this thread!!!
Rico,... I love that Mississippi Squirrel revival song! I even preached a Message on it once,..hahaha
Ok, here is your chance to tell. Write something funny that has happened at your church; slips of the tongue, shouting, easter play disasters, etc. Be truthful, and change names to protect the innocent!
We have no humorous things at our church. It is all serious business.:boxing:tic
I have a friend who was pastoring a home missions church. It was running about 50 folks so their tape ministry was not very active.
However after one service an amazing number of people stood in line to buy tapes. My freind was feeling really good about his sermon, that it must have been more of a masterpiece than he had thought.
Until later getting in the car his wife told him that in the course of his sermon he made reference to the "Presidential election" going on at the time only in the word "election" he had substituted the letter "r" for the letter"L". LOL!!!!!
StMark
06-04-2008, 05:07 PM
I once heard of a UPC preacher who dressed up as an elvis impersonator and preached
jaxfam6
06-04-2008, 05:08 PM
I have a friend who was pastoring a home missions church. It was running about 50 folks so their tape ministry was not very active.
However after one service an amazing number of people stood in line to buy tapes. My freind was feeling really good about his sermon, that it must have been more of a masterpiece than he had thought.
Until later getting in the car his wife told him that in the course of his sermon he made reference to the "Presidential election" going on at the time only in the word "election" he had substituted the letter "r" for the letter"L". LOL!!!!!
I don't care who you are that there's funny
RandyWayne
06-04-2008, 05:08 PM
I once heard of a UPC preacher who dressed up as an elvis impersonator and preached
Vegas?
StMark
06-04-2008, 05:13 PM
Vegas?
nope in the south
Brother Tom
06-04-2008, 05:19 PM
I once heard of a UPC preacher who dressed up as an elvis impersonator and preached
hmmm,.... do I dare?.... it certainly would be a message that the brothers would never forget.
:bliss
jaxfam6
06-04-2008, 05:59 PM
hmmm,.... do I dare?.... it certainly would be a message that the brothers would never forget.
:bliss
Go for it
give our pastor something funny to talk about. =)
HeavenlyOne
06-04-2008, 06:28 PM
Has anyone ever seen a woman come out of the bathroom with her dress tucked up in her hiney--and NOT told her? :D I HAVE. hehe
Was it wrong of me to let it go like that? :D :D :D ...Yes. I am a terrible, TERRIBLE person. :D
THAT makes me a Gold Star Member of the BFM Club. (Whose members are mostly nonexistent[here]. Sniff.)
Abi, you swore you would NEVER mention that on the open forum!
And I don't recall you laughing that hard!
:tissue
HeavenlyOne
06-04-2008, 06:31 PM
I didn't really think this was funny at the time, but..................... I used to sit in the back row of the church. This 85 year old sister got up to go to the bathroom, and either thought the coast was clear or couldn't hold it in any more. She started farting to the beat of every step she took! When she fired off the first round, I was like, "what?????" I turned around and there she was, makin music to the beat of her own footsteps; fart, fart, fart, fart, fart! :killinme She was old too, and took short steps everywhere she went! I never said a thing to her about that day! :D
One service we had one of those Holy Ghost blowouts.
:D
I couldn't help myself and miss this opportunity!!
HeavenlyOne
06-04-2008, 06:37 PM
My pastor was preaching a fiery service one night and said, "We need to learn how to cut the cheese around here and have real revival!!"
He was puzzled that everyone started laughing, but continued.
A few weeks later, he made the same statement. When he heard the laughing again, he said, ''What's up with you folks, you laughed the last time I said that".
His wife didn't bother telling him what that phrase meant (although being a southern Illinois boy in his 40's, I can't imagine how he DIDN'T know what that meant!).
I was the bearer of the bad news. He laughed and said he'd heard that phrase but didn't know what it meant, but thought it sounded good....LOL!
jaxfam6
06-04-2008, 06:52 PM
:D
I couldn't help myself and miss this opportunity!!
We would have been disappointed with you if you had passed the opportunity.
jaxfam6
06-04-2008, 06:59 PM
My sister's pastor, when she was in PA, was preaching and and wanted to make a point. There was a lady in their church who has a sister that is gay and she was in the service that morning, the gay sister that is. Well he said that sometimes he felt like the little boy from Holland who put his finger in the dam hole. He was not wanting to use 'that' word and accidently offend the visitor. Well, 'dam hole' struck my sister as funny. She started laughing, and boy when we laugh. It is a real snortfest when we get going. He was so mad at her that he didn't talk to her for almost two weeks. She had to go to him and make him talk to her.
U376977
06-05-2008, 11:35 AM
So many funny stories. Here is one I heard from the late Bishop Stalls. He was a Trinitarian minister in KY. He said years ago that he was pastoring a church and there was a sister Dodi Mae. Well, she was a large woman and had a young son. Turns out that the boy loved to nurse and moma was not going to cut him off. He was still on the moma bottle at 2 years old. Sister Dodi Mae was nursing the boy under a towel during church when they started singing I'll fly Away. Well, that was the song that always did it for Sis. and she stood and raised her arm and began to praise the Lord. Bro. Stalls said, sure enough he saw her start to get the quickening. She jerked and did a head pop several times. Then she went into an all out shout. The towel slip off and all the time she was holding the precious two year old on her hip. Bishop Stalls said it was the funniest thing seeing that boy weaving his head back and forth trying to latch back on to the ever bouncing target!!
rgcraig
09-23-2008, 05:39 PM
We need more funny things around here!
U376977
09-23-2008, 06:06 PM
We need more funny things around here!
Agreed. Let me give you two recent ones.
My assistant Pastor was preaching last Sunday morning. He said, saints we need to stay in the ship. Don't leave the house of God. This is your help, your safety net. "Saints we need to stay the course."
One of the elders jumped up and ran on the platform screaming "preach!" I asked him after church, "what do you think the pastor said." I knew he was thinking something else. He confirmed that he thought the pastor said, "saints we need to have intercourse." ROFL
U376977
09-23-2008, 06:08 PM
Young evangelist is preaching and said, "children of God you need to lose your frigidity and praise God."
Everyone thought he said, "you need to lose your virginity and praise God."
iceniez
09-24-2008, 09:48 AM
Bellydancers.
WHAT????????????????
rgcraig
09-24-2008, 09:53 AM
So many funny stories. Here is one I heard from the late Bishop Stalls. He was a Trinitarian minister in KY. He said years ago that he was pastoring a church and there was a sister Dodi Mae. Well, she was a large woman and had a young son. Turns out that the boy loved to nurse and moma was not going to cut him off. He was still on the moma bottle at 2 years old. Sister Dodi Mae was nursing the boy under a towel during church when they started singing I'll fly Away. Well, that was the song that always did it for Sis. and she stood and raised her arm and began to praise the Lord. Bro. Stalls said, sure enough he saw her start to get the quickening. She jerked and did a head pop several times. Then she went into an all out shout. The towel slip off and all the time she was holding the precious two year old on her hip. Bishop Stalls said it was the funniest thing seeing that boy weaving his head back and forth trying to latch back on to the ever bouncing target!!
OH MY! That is HILARIOUS!!!!!
I can just envision it too (unfortunately!!!)!
iceniez
09-24-2008, 10:18 AM
We had an Evangalist Preaching for us, He was preaching and got to the midpoint of his sermon. Every time he took a step he would "BLAST" one off. Nobody made a sound.He started to preach harder [and faster] and the Blasts became more violent. My wife is looking at me as if I was doing it .She caught on and kept nudging me .Still no audible laughs but you could tell people were holding back.He then hurried the end of his message,and without skipping a beat put down the microphone and went straight to the restroom.At the time I felt sorry and embarressed for him,I still do but it is too funny.
Withdrawn
09-24-2008, 10:37 AM
Twenty or so years ago, there was a visiting minister at our congregation. He was the father of my pastor's son-in-law and was a very dear man. He was testifying one night after the choir sang a song called "The Blood-bought, the Church, the Redeemed" and really got himself worked up. As he was shouting how glad he was to be in the church, his dentures decided they were no longer glad to be in his mouth and they came FLYING OUT! Without skipping a beat, he caught them in his hand and put them right back in his mouth to finish his testimony. His last remark was "Orafix 'em, that'll fix 'em." The place erupted in a roar of laughter as he sat down.
freeatlast
09-24-2008, 10:49 AM
Years ago my pastor was encouraging poeple to "get lose" in the spirit.
He told them not to worry about "widfire".
He said, "if a wildfire breaks out, don't worry somebody will throw a wet back on it.
What I'm sure he meant to say was wet blanket
Some of people from south of the border looked a bit puzzled though.
Maximilia
09-24-2008, 10:56 AM
We had a (uh simple) lady in our church who thanked God that she had her pap smear and everything seemed to go fine.
U376977
09-24-2008, 01:13 PM
We had an Evangalist Preaching for us, He was preaching and got to the midpoint of his sermon. Every time he took a step he would "BLAST" one off. Nobody made a sound.He started to preach harder [and faster] and the Blasts became more violent. My wife is looking at me as if I was doing it .She caught on and kept nudging me .Still no audible laughs but you could tell people were holding back.He then hurried the end of his message,and without skipping a beat put down the microphone and went straight to the restroom.At the time I felt sorry and embarressed for him,I still do but it is too funny.
Well, since you went there. I was not going to post this but....
I have a friend who went to IN in the 70's for a revival.. Did not know anyone but said he felt called to the area. He finally found a place he could use. It was a--not in use--chicken coop on a farm. It was 30 feet X 90 but the old farmer let him use it for nothing-just had to clean it up. That is funny in itself....Well God started blessing and soon the little coop was full of the faithful...people were receiving the HG and being baptized in JC.
His pattern was to preach have an alter service and then turn the meeting to a helper who would receive the offering. Well one night he was preaching and he felt that special pain in the gut that let him know that something was near. He started to wind it up, but before he could close two more pains came. He ran behind his makeshift pulpit and was saying a closing prayer, when all of a sudden no amount of crimping could hold back the urge. He filled his drawers before he got the Amen out. Then he immediately turned the service to his helper and made a bow legged run for the car. By the time they got back to the hotel--20 min. of visiting after the service, 20 min. drive, he was in bad shape. He said his only course of action was to take a shower in the suite. These old time holiness folks--got plenty of laughs out of the Rev who messed his drawers in the pulpit.
Jack Shephard
09-24-2008, 01:18 PM
Our pastor in TN while tapping a service for the Sunday morning tv broadcast said "Let everything that has 'BREAST' praise the Lord" He quickly corrected himself and went on. The whole choir behind him could hardly contain the laughter and infact the whole church about exploded in laughter. Once the taping was complete--after he preached his message and the choir had sang another song the whole place exploded in laughter.
All4one
09-24-2008, 08:15 PM
Many years ago, in a little church down by Fresno, they were so excited about a new convert who wanted to be baptized. The baptistry was a horse trough on the platform. They had curtains running across the front of the platform which they could use for plays and when someone got baptized they closed them so the convert could use the platform as a dressing room. Well, after the baptizm they closed the curtains so he could change his clothes, but one of the sisters got so excited about this new convert that she shouted all across the front and pulled the curtain down exposing the nude convert. After a second or two someone at the back got smart and shut all the lights off, he waited a few seconds and turned them back on showing the poor man mooning the congregation as he was feeling around trying to find his clothes. Well, the new convert never came back.
A local pastor was preaching on the radio about the sins of the beach in summer.
Instead of booze and babes it came out b**bs and babes, oops..
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