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Rico
07-22-2008, 03:26 PM
Gang, I have some very exciting news to share with you. As some of you may already know, my wife and I made a baby boy who was born in 1988. Due to the circumstances at the time, he was adopted out to a couple who had tried for 10 years to conceive and were unsuccessful. Over the years, I have tracked the family down, but never attempted to make contact with them. I promised the family I would not interfere and they promised me he would grow up knowing the circumstances around his adoption.

Well, this child of ours is now 19 years old and I thought I would try tracking the family down again. I searched public records, court records, and finally paid a service to give me whatever contact information they had on them. I got the courage up to try the phone numbers I had been given, and I made contact with the family today! In fact, I just got off the phone with them!

His adoptive mother and I spoke on the phone for about an hour. It turns out our son is very borderline retarded. I was shocked to hear this because none of our other children are retarded. They don't know what caused him to be retarded, but we think it may be because he got stuck in the birth canal during delivery and this may have caused him to go without oxygen. He didn't start showing any real symptoms until around the 5th grade, however. His mom says you would not guess he has any issues by looking at him and his handicap is very borderline.

We originally decided she would talk with him about speaking with us, even though she was confident that he would want to talk with us. Within five minutes of us ending our call, she called right back with him on the phone!

Y'all have no idea how nervous I was. It takes a lot to get my nerves rattled, but I was literally shaking. We got the whole family around our phone, put it on speaker, and proceeded to introduce ourselves to him. He does have a slight speech impediment, but he was very excited to talk with his sisters (our son is at a friend's house right now), and he especially wanted to talk with me and my wife.

I couldn't help but tell him that I loved him and missed him and have thought about him so much over the years. He told me he loves me too and called me Dad. We all started crying at that point. Isn't God good? For the first time since I left, I wish I still lived in California.

Anyway, our house is unusually quiet right now. Everyone is off somewhere thinking about the missing member of our family. I don't know what God has planned through all of this, but I want to publicly thank Him for answering a long standing prayer I've had on His desk. I found my son, and he called me Dad.

Ron
07-22-2008, 03:29 PM
That is awesome that you would make contact with your son after all these years.

God is good.

rgcraig
07-22-2008, 03:29 PM
Rico,

That's awesome! Thanks for sharing with your cyber family!

Mrs. LPW
07-22-2008, 03:32 PM
Wow Rico. You got me teary eyed.

U376977
07-22-2008, 03:34 PM
I am normally not a cry baby, but my lord that story can jerk a tear. God is good for sure.

Michael Phelps
07-22-2008, 03:39 PM
Beautiful account, Rico!

Cindy
07-22-2008, 03:56 PM
Rico!!!! How wonderful, okay it made me cry. But I am so thrilled for y'all.

DAD!!!!!

Balanced
07-22-2008, 04:00 PM
I am normally not a cry baby, but my lord that story can jerk a tear. God is good for sure.

What he said.

Congratulations.

AbundantGrace
07-22-2008, 04:02 PM
My Dear Brother,

My cheeks are wet with hot tears right now. Being a parent myself and even a grandparent now, I cannot even begin to imagine the longing in the hearts of you and your dear wife throughout the years. All I can say is that I am so happy for you. I know that this is probably so overwhelming, but I just want you to know that I'm thrilled and thanking God for you. God bless you Brother Rico. Thanks for thinking enough of all of us to share something that precious.

ReformedDave
07-22-2008, 04:04 PM
Rico, I, too, made that call but I made it to my biological mom. Talk 'bout emotional.

Glad the first step went well!

tstew
07-22-2008, 04:06 PM
Rico, I am glad to share in your joy. I am even more glad that 20 years later, God has your entire family in a better place. God is good and faithful.

MissBrattified
07-22-2008, 04:07 PM
Wow, Rico! Thanks for sharing that!!! :hanky AND :tissue !!!!!

Dedicated Mind
07-22-2008, 04:11 PM
great story, Rico.

AmazingGrace
07-22-2008, 04:15 PM
Rico what a wonderful story yet a very familiar one. I too felt the opposite end of a phone call just like you described just 5 yrs ago and it has since developed into a wonderful relationship with a family I didnt know for 32 yrs. There will always be questions that no one can answer for your son but just know that he is relieved himself that he now knows you and has been able to speak to you and knows the reasons behind and most of all knows that now he has someone else that loves him dearly (even though one knows and is told their whole life that the B-Parents love them its a totally different feeling when they hear those words for themselves) :) You are blessed and so is that young man

U376977
07-22-2008, 04:16 PM
How are you feeling? Last night you had a pain in your side. Did the ex-lax loosen things up? LOL.

Rico
07-22-2008, 04:26 PM
I can tell y'all this much. We now know what next year's tax check is going towards! California here we come! :yahoo:bliss:woohoo:shockamoo




His mom is gonna put some pictures together and email them to us. When I get them, I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to post the pictures of my family for you guys to finally see what I look like, and what my kids and Sister Honey Smooches look like. I will also include a pic of our son from California. I've resisted the urge to post my picture, mainly because of my beard (I really do look like a wildman :D), but I guess it would be ok. Maybe I'll trim the whole thing up so I look more respectable like. :D

Rico
07-22-2008, 04:28 PM
How are you feeling? Last night you had a pain in your side. Did the ex-lax loosen things up? LOL.

Much better. Thank you for asking. The ex-lax kicked in last night while I busy cuttin loose on Rev, Deadeye, and Jekyll. :lol

ReformedDave
07-22-2008, 05:09 PM
I can tell y'all this much. We now know what next year's tax check is going towards! California here we come! :yahoo:bliss:woohoo:shockamoo




His mom is gonna put some pictures together and email them to us. When I get them, I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to post the pictures of my family for you guys to finally see what I look like, and what my kids and Sister Honey Smooches look like. I will also include a pic of our son from California. I've resisted the urge to post my picture, mainly because of my beard (I really do look like a wildman :D), but I guess it would be ok. Maybe I'll trim the whole thing up so I look more respectable like. :D

As far as pictures go just send the ones of the kids and Honey Smooches.....:whistle

Rico
07-22-2008, 05:13 PM
As far as pictures go just send the ones of the kids and Honey Smooches.....:whistle

:D

ReformedDave
07-22-2008, 05:15 PM
Much better. Thank you for asking. The ex-lax kicked in last night while I busy cuttin loose on Rev, Deadeye, and Jekyll. :lol

You are temporarily a regular guy........:ursofunny

Falla39
07-22-2008, 05:43 PM
Bro. Rico,

This is so neat! I have been praying for you and for your family. Just something
the Lord God laid on my heart to do. He really, really cares for you and your
family.
It is amazing how when we delight ourselves in the Lord, HE gives us the
desires of our heart! He knew you and your wife's deep heart desire. Isn't
He Wonderful!!

Blessings,

Falla39

dizzyde
07-22-2008, 06:34 PM
RICO!!! No tear jerking allowed without prior warning!!

JK, this is a really beautiful thing to read this afternoon, I am so happy for you and your wife!! :roseglasses

Kay B
07-22-2008, 07:25 PM
So HAPPY for you Rico!! and yes I am :tissue crying happy tears for you and your family. :stars

steve p
07-22-2008, 08:21 PM
Awesome........God never fails to amaze me!!!!
Blessings!

Margies3
07-22-2008, 08:52 PM
Rico,

there is alot of this meeting of the biological families going on right now here on AFF, isn't there! We're taking Justin up to Michigan this coming Sunday so he can meet his biological mom. He's already met his bio-grandma and bio-aunt and her family, along with a biological half-brother. He has one full sister, but the biological mom is pretty adament about him not meeting her right now because she is very into drugs, drinking and sleeping around. She's 17 and was raised by the biological mom and also the biological dad (who abused her regularly and even broke her arm last year!). He also has 2 biological half-brothers that the bio-mom has custody of and a biological half-sister who was given up for adoption at birth.

This has been a very interesting two weeks at our house (since this whole ball started rolling). Believe me, even with the joy Justin is feeling at getting to meet his biological family - he also has a whole lot of other feelings he's experiencing. LOTS and lots of questions. Right now they're in the honeymoon phase. I'm praying that this goes well for him.

And now I am praying that this meeting with your son will continue to go well for you, as well. I know it has to be a huge relief to you just to hear his voice and know that he has been happy and well loved. God bless you for having made the hard, hard choice in the beginning of his life to do what you felt at the time was what best for him. I know that had to have been soooo hard. Greater love hath no parent, than to choose what is best for their child, even at their own expense.

Sister Alvear
07-22-2008, 09:24 PM
God is good am happy for you and yours. Many blessings...

tamor
07-23-2008, 07:55 AM
Rico, this is so awesome. Thanks for sharing it with us. I can't wait to see pictures of your family!

sisjean7
07-23-2008, 08:20 AM
I am new around here and mostly read, hardly ever post. I am very happy for you! I almost cried myself. May God continue to bless you and your family. :)

Rico
07-23-2008, 09:38 AM
Well, gang. The moment has arrived! I got the pictures of him today, so, as promised, here ya go!

rgcraig
07-23-2008, 09:47 AM
Jonathan is a very nice looking guy - I know you are so proud!

He looks a lot like his momma!

deltaguitar
07-23-2008, 09:50 AM
Very touching story Rico.

Rico
07-23-2008, 09:54 AM
Jonathan is a very nice looking guy - I know you are so proud!

He looks a lot like his momma!

It's hard to believe the two of us have made that many babies together. It does feel good to be able to see what he looks like. It amazing how God can undo years of pain in an instant! :D

tstew
07-23-2008, 09:54 AM
Rico, you've got a beautiful family............thank God for Sis. Honey Smooches :tease:tease:tease:tease

Rico
07-23-2008, 10:01 AM
Rico, you've got a beautiful family............thank God for Sis. Honey Smooches :tease:tease:tease:tease

:D Back in my younger years, I was a confirmed ladies man. I used to walk down the street and the woman couldn't help but look at me. Now I walk down the street and they really look at me! :covereyes It's all my wife's fault too. The first thing she did after she got her claws into me was to start fattening me up, and she's never stopped! Hehehehehehehe!

tstew
07-23-2008, 10:04 AM
:D Back in my younger years, I was a confirmed ladies man. I used to walk down the street and the woman couldn't help but look at me. Now I walk down the street and they really look at me! :covereyes It's all my wife's fault too. The first thing she did after she got her claws into me was to start fattening me up, and she's never stopped! Hehehehehehehe!

Well now you've got me thinking. My wife is trying to make me get back in shape by cooking all these healthy substitutes and wanting me to go to the gym with her....maybe she's trying to get rid of me. :ursofunny

Cindy
07-23-2008, 10:05 AM
Rico, you have a great looking family. Jonathan is handsome. Congrats my brother.

U376977
07-23-2008, 10:06 AM
:D Back in my younger years, I was a confirmed ladies man. I used to walk down the street and the woman couldn't help but look at me. Now I walk down the street and they really look at me! :covereyes It's all my wife's fault too. The first thing she did after she got her claws into me was to start fattening me up, and she's never stopped! Hehehehehehehe!


Speaking of walking down the street...have you noticed they have changed the way the pour the concret on the sidewalks?
I used to walk with no problem. Now my rear keeps bouncing on the sidewalk. I am sure it is a republican conspiracy.

tamor
07-23-2008, 10:26 AM
Awesome pics Rico!!

Kay B
07-23-2008, 10:42 AM
Beautiful family Rico! :D

Falla39
07-23-2008, 10:49 AM
Bro. Rico,

Beautiful family! The Bible calls children the heritage of the Lord.
God puts a lot of trust in us to let (allow,permit) us to train up
such priceless treasures!
By allowing someone else to hold and care for your son until you
and your wife would be able to, you two can now rejoice. Added
to that, the joy of Jonathan calling you "DAD". That's profound!

Blessings,

Falla39

Falla39
07-23-2008, 10:55 AM
JONATHAN
Gender: Male
Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: Gift Of God

The Mrs
07-23-2008, 11:00 AM
You have an ADORABLE family Rico!

Love the little twinkles in their eyes!

Congrats on finding your son. He looks like a very special and very sweet young man.

Oh, and....whaddupwidalldatgrayinyobeard??? Guess we gotta start calling you Old Man Rico! :laffatu

Margies3
07-23-2008, 11:03 AM
You know how you try to picture what people might look like before you see their pictures or meet them in person? Rico, you look EXACTLY like I pictured you! Seriously!

Great looking kids and wife, by the way.

Rico
07-23-2008, 11:05 AM
You have an ADORABLE family Rico!

Love the little twinkles in their eyes!

Congrats on finding your son. He looks like a very special and very sweet young man.

Oh, and....whaddupwidalldatgrayinyobeard??? Guess we gotta start calling you Old Man Rico! :laffatu

Them gray hairs are my wife's fault too. I tell her all the time I never had any until after I got with her! :lol

Rico
07-23-2008, 11:06 AM
Everyone, thanks a lot for the kind posts. We truly are thankful for what the Lord has done for us.

Pro31:28
07-23-2008, 11:09 AM
Everyone, thanks a lot for the kind posts. We truly are thankful for what the Lord has done for us.

Well Here is one more...
:evilglee

It's a good thing that you posted your picture because I just always pictured you as McCain (your avatar) with a latino flair....

:ursofunny

Margies3
07-23-2008, 11:09 AM
hey, Rico, it just occured to me ---- are your other kids going to be jealous now because Jonathan has probably been able to celebrate Christmas all these years while they weren't allowed to? LOL!!

Just funnin' with ya, brother!

Rico
07-23-2008, 11:12 AM
hey, Rico, it just occured to me ---- are your other kids going to be jealous now because Jonathan has probably been able to celebrate Christmas all these years while they weren't allowed to? LOL!!

Just funnin' with ya, brother!

:lol It hasn't come up in conversation. Not yet anyway! I wonder how long it will be before it does, though. The funny thing is that my kids have never really complained over not celebrating Christmas. At least not to me they haven't. They've asked why we don't celebrate it, but it's never been done in a complaining sort of way.

Rico
07-23-2008, 11:16 AM
By the way, since someone brought up Christmas, I realize I could make a killing during that time of year playing Santa Clause. I wouldn't have to use a fake beard, a fake belly, or anything of the sort. I look like a younger version of Santa, before his hair went all white. If I ever backslide on celebrating Christmas (not that I think I ever will), I have every intention on capitalizing on the fact that I could play him every year and make some money at it. :D

Margies3
07-23-2008, 11:34 AM
By the way, since someone brought up Christmas, I realize I could make a killing during that time of year playing Santa Clause. I wouldn't have to use a fake beard, a fake belly, or anything of the sort. I look like a younger version of Santa, before his hair went all white. If I ever backslide on celebrating Christmas (not that I think I ever will), I have every intention on capitalizing on the fact that I could play him every year and make some money at it. :D

I think you should wait to backslide until your beard turns completely white.

tamor
07-23-2008, 11:39 AM
hey, Rico, it just occured to me ---- are your other kids going to be jealous now because Jonathan has probably been able to celebrate Christmas all these years while they weren't allowed to? LOL!!

Just funnin' with ya, brother!

:toofunny

tamor
07-23-2008, 11:40 AM
:D Back in my younger years, I was a confirmed ladies man. I used to walk down the street and the woman couldn't help but look at me. Now I walk down the street and they really look at me! :covereyes It's all my wife's fault too. The first thing she did after she got her claws into me was to start fattening me up, and she's never stopped! Hehehehehehehe!


You were VERY modest too, huh? :whistle

Rico
07-23-2008, 11:53 AM
You were VERY modest too, huh? :whistle

:D Ya know it! :D

AmazingGrace
07-23-2008, 11:55 AM
Rico I am very happy for you all! He is a very handsome young man as is the rest of your wonderful family :)

The Mrs
07-23-2008, 11:58 AM
Them gray hairs are my wife's fault too. I tell her all the time I never had any until after I got with her! :lol

Just like a man! :smack


Seriously though...we found my husband's first gray hair the day after we got married. :toofunny

The Mrs
07-23-2008, 11:59 AM
I think you should wait to backslide until your beard turns completely white.


Shouldn't be too much longer now... :whistle



:aaa

Dr. Vaughn
07-23-2008, 12:02 PM
Gang, I have some very exciting news to share with you. As some of you may already know, my wife and I made a baby boy who was born in 1988. Due to the circumstances at the time, he was adopted out to a couple who had tried for 10 years to conceive and were unsuccessful. Over the years, I have tracked the family down, but never attempted to make contact with them. I promised the family I would not interfere and they promised me he would grow up knowing the circumstances around his adoption.

Well, this child of ours is now 19 years old and I thought I would try tracking the family down again. I searched public records, court records, and finally paid a service to give me whatever contact information they had on them. I got the courage up to try the phone numbers I had been given, and I made contact with the family today! In fact, I just got off the phone with them!

His adoptive mother and I spoke on the phone for about an hour. It turns out our son is very borderline retarded. I was shocked to hear this because none of our other children are retarded. They don't know what caused him to be retarded, but we think it may be because he got stuck in the birth canal during delivery and this may have caused him to go without oxygen. He didn't start showing any real symptoms until around the 5th grade, however. His mom says you would not guess he has any issues by looking at him and his handicap is very borderline.

We originally decided she would talk with him about speaking with us, even though she was confident that he would want to talk with us. Within five minutes of us ending our call, she called right back with him on the phone!

Y'all have no idea how nervous I was. It takes a lot to get my nerves rattled, but I was literally shaking. We got the whole family around our phone, put it on speaker, and proceeded to introduce ourselves to him. He does have a slight speech impediment, but he was very excited to talk with his sisters (our son is at a friend's house right now), and he especially wanted to talk with me and my wife.

I couldn't help but tell him that I loved him and missed him and have thought about him so much over the years. He told me he loves me too and called me Dad. We all started crying at that point. Isn't God good? For the first time since I left, I wish I still lived in California.

Anyway, our house is unusually quiet right now. Everyone is off somewhere thinking about the missing member of our family. I don't know what God has planned through all of this, but I want to publicly thank Him for answering a long standing prayer I've had on His desk. I found my son, and he called me Dad.

RICO - I wish you could see the tears brother... crying like a baby here... this story touched me so much because I WAS THAT BOY... I know his excitement more than you do.. a moment he has waited for all of his life.... GOD BLESS YOU RICO

Rico
07-23-2008, 12:03 PM
Seriously though...we found my husband's first gray hair the day after we got married. :toofunny

Need I say more? :lol

Rico
07-23-2008, 12:04 PM
RICO - I wish you could see the tears brother... crying like a baby here... this story touched me so much because I WAS THAT BOY... I know his excitement more than you do.. a moment he has waited for all of his life.... GOD BLESS YOU RICO

You were adopted? Wow. It's good to see you survived it. :)

Dr. Vaughn
07-23-2008, 12:04 PM
I can tell y'all this much. We now know what next year's tax check is going towards! California here we come! :yahoo:bliss:woohoo:shockamoo




His mom is gonna put some pictures together and email them to us. When I get them, I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to post the pictures of my family for you guys to finally see what I look like, and what my kids and Sister Honey Smooches look like. I will also include a pic of our son from California. I've resisted the urge to post my picture, mainly because of my beard (I really do look like a wildman :D), but I guess it would be ok. Maybe I'll trim the whole thing up so I look more respectable like. :D

When you get ready to go.. send me a PM.. your plane ticket is on me my friend, ,part time foe... I mean this brother... I will pay for your ticket, round trip.... I want to sew into this reunion...

Dr. Vaughn
07-23-2008, 12:13 PM
You were adopted? Wow. It's good to see you survived it. :)

Never officially adopted,, raised in foster care for many years... if you ever get a chance a short blog about my life is on my myspace... you will understand what I am talking about... again, I am thrilled for you and your son... he will get the best nights sleep he ever had tonight... a feeling of fulfillment

tamor
07-23-2008, 01:44 PM
RICO - I wish you could see the tears brother... crying like a baby here... this story touched me so much because I WAS THAT BOY... I know his excitement more than you do.. a moment he has waited for all of his life.... GOD BLESS YOU RICO

When you get ready to go.. send me a PM.. your plane ticket is on me my friend, ,part time foe... I mean this brother... I will pay for your ticket, round trip.... I want to sew into this reunion...


Posts like these are what I love about our AFF family!!

Falla39
07-23-2008, 01:48 PM
Posts like these are what I love about our AFF family!!

Beautiful!:mama

Blubayou
07-23-2008, 02:19 PM
Rico- I am late seeing this thread- just got to log on today and had time to read it. I was very touched by it and am so glad you were able to connect with your son. God Bless you and your family.

Rico
07-23-2008, 02:26 PM
When you get ready to go.. send me a PM.. your plane ticket is on me my friend, ,part time foe... I mean this brother... I will pay for your ticket, round trip.... I want to sew into this reunion...

Sorry I didn't catch this post. Brother, I appreciate the offer, but we've already decided that we are going to take the Amtrak train there, and we're all going. I can't accept your offer, but I am humbled that you would make it. :friend

ReformedDave
07-23-2008, 02:28 PM
Sorry I didn't catch this post. Brother, I appreciate the offer, but we've already decided that we are going to take the Amtrak train there, and we're all going. I can't accept your offer, but I am humbled that you would make it. :friend

Rico, where in Cali are you heading?

ReformedDave
07-23-2008, 02:29 PM
When you get ready to go.. send me a PM.. your plane ticket is on me my friend, ,part time foe... I mean this brother... I will pay for your ticket, round trip.... I want to sew into this reunion...

Pretty neat offer! You've made my day.

Rico
07-23-2008, 02:32 PM
Rico, where in Cali are you heading?

Southern California, where it never rains, the girls live in bikinis, and it takes an hour to drive 6 blocks! :D

tamor
07-23-2008, 02:37 PM
Southern California, where it never rains, the girls live in bikinis, and it takes an hour to drive 6 blocks! :D

Is that because everyone is sitting still looking at the girls in bikinis? :roseglasses

StillStanding
07-23-2008, 02:38 PM
I just read this thread for the first time. Congrats Rico! I hope the meeting goes well! :)

Rico
07-23-2008, 02:44 PM
Is that because everyone is sitting still looking at the girls in bikinis? :roseglasses

Sister, I don't think I've ever seen more exposed flesh than what I've seen at Santa Monica and Venice Beach. I am talking about thousands of the beautiful people of this world, showing off their blessings. Add to that the other things I saw some skanks do out in public, and it's no wonder why they call Los Angeles the Sodom and Gomorrah of our day. There are a lot of :crazy people out there. But, it's not like that everywhere. The suburbs are pretty nice, and the beaches are really nice once you get out of the general Los Angeles area.

ReformedDave
07-23-2008, 02:50 PM
Southern California, where it never rains, the girls live in bikinis, and it takes an hour to drive 6 blocks! :D

Near San Diego?

As the one being the child in an adoption just a piece of advice. His mother can feel VERY insecure especially if your son bonds with you and your wife. Please reassure his mom that nothing will change in their relationship.

ForeverBlessed
07-23-2008, 02:51 PM
aww.. make me cry Rico.

Rico
07-23-2008, 02:56 PM
Near San Diego?

As the one being the child in an adoption just a piece of advice. His mother can feel VERY insecure especially if your son bonds with you and your wife. Please reassure his mom that nothing will change in their relationship.


They live in Riverside.



Normally I would agree with you, but she was overjoyed to have heard from us. They had been thinking of doing a search for us, but didn't know my wife and I had ended up together, so they didn't know what name to use to search under. They knew my name, her name, and her mother's name. She said they had assumed my MIL had died years ago because of the illness she had. They were very surprised to hear that it has only been just under two years ago that she died. I don't think her becoming insecure will become an issue, especially with us being half a country apart.

ReformedDave
07-23-2008, 03:02 PM
They live in Riverside.



Normally I would agree with you, but she was overjoyed to have heard from us. They had been thinking of doing a search for us, but didn't know my wife and I had ended up together, so they didn't know what name to use to search under. They knew my name, her name, and her mother's name. She said they had assumed my MIL had died years ago because of the illness she had. They were very surprised to hear that it has only been just under two years ago that she died. I don't think her becoming insecure will become an issue, especially with us being half a country apart.

I truly hope everything meets your hopes and dreams. I'm happy for you.

Rico
07-23-2008, 03:25 PM
I truly hope everything meets your hopes and dreams. I'm happy for you.

We are definitely making a point of not coming on too strong RD. I spoke with my mom today and we agreed to wait awhile before we bring her into the picture with contacts and stuff like that. We are gonna take things nice and easy with them, and hope that they will be ready for us to come visit them in the Spring of next year. I think that would be plenty of time for us to share a few emails, some pictures, a few phone calls, that sort of thing. I'd like nothing better than to be able to meet him face to face, throw my arms around him and give him a big old bear hug. I can wait a few more months, though. I've waited this long as it is.

Margies3
07-23-2008, 04:19 PM
You were adopted? Wow. It's good to see you survived it. :)

Rico, as an adoptive parent, I want you to know that I find a comment like this to be VERY offensive. That was out of line!

I'm sure that the people who adopted your son loved him as much as if they had given birth to him. I know you've made a comment about how she doesn't seem at all insecure. Well, let me assure you that that is only because she is choosing what she believes is best for her son. Trust me, deep down, she is quaking!

ReformedDave
07-23-2008, 04:21 PM
Rico, as an adoptive parent, I want you to know that I find a comment like this to be VERY offensive. That was out of line!

I'm sure that the people who adopted your son loved him as much as if they had given birth to him. I know you've made a comment about how she doesn't seem at all insecure. Well, let me assure you that that is only because she is choosing what she believes is best for her son. Trust me, deep down, she is quaking!

I'm sure Rico didn't mean it to be offensive........

Dr. Vaughn
07-23-2008, 04:23 PM
Sorry I didn't catch this post. Brother, I appreciate the offer, but we've already decided that we are going to take the Amtrak train there, and we're all going. I can't accept your offer, but I am humbled that you would make it. :friend

Well,, I have plenty of airmiles if you change your mind... but I LOVE to do AMTRACK as well.. but honestly I have found in the long run Amtrac is almost non competitive in pricing.. are you finding the same thing?

OneAccord
07-23-2008, 05:40 PM
Gang, I have some very exciting news to share with you. As some of you may already know, my wife and I made a baby boy who was born in 1988. Due to the circumstances at the time, he was adopted out to a couple who had tried for 10 years to conceive and were unsuccessful. Over the years, I have tracked the family down, but never attempted to make contact with them. I promised the family I would not interfere and they promised me he would grow up knowing the circumstances around his adoption.

Well, this child of ours is now 19 years old and I thought I would try tracking the family down again. I searched public records, court records, and finally paid a service to give me whatever contact information they had on them. I got the courage up to try the phone numbers I had been given, and I made contact with the family today! In fact, I just got off the phone with them!

His adoptive mother and I spoke on the phone for about an hour. It turns out our son is very borderline retarded. I was shocked to hear this because none of our other children are retarded. They don't know what caused him to be retarded, but we think it may be because he got stuck in the birth canal during delivery and this may have caused him to go without oxygen. He didn't start showing any real symptoms until around the 5th grade, however. His mom says you would not guess he has any issues by looking at him and his handicap is very borderline.

We originally decided she would talk with him about speaking with us, even though she was confident that he would want to talk with us. Within five minutes of us ending our call, she called right back with him on the phone!

Y'all have no idea how nervous I was. It takes a lot to get my nerves rattled, but I was literally shaking. We got the whole family around our phone, put it on speaker, and proceeded to introduce ourselves to him. He does have a slight speech impediment, but he was very excited to talk with his sisters (our son is at a friend's house right now), and he especially wanted to talk with me and my wife.

I couldn't help but tell him that I loved him and missed him and have thought about him so much over the years. He told me he loves me too and called me Dad. We all started crying at that point. Isn't God good? For the first time since I left, I wish I still lived in California.

Anyway, our house is unusually quiet right now. Everyone is off somewhere thinking about the missing member of our family. I don't know what God has planned through all of this, but I want to publicly thank Him for answering a long standing prayer I've had on His desk. I found my son, and he called me Dad.


Wow. I've been meaning to read this thread since it was posted, but, for whatever reason. I kept forgetting. I guess the Lord knew I would need to read this today. I just read it and, boy, Rico, you reached out and grabbed me by the heart. I guesss I'm feeling a little emotional today, but as I read this.... tears filled my eyes. I rejoice with you, brother.

In answer to the thread "Why do you hang around here?". This is one of the reasons I hang around here.

I'll be printing this out and saving it as one of AFF's finest!

MrsMcD
07-23-2008, 05:45 PM
What an awesome story Rico. He is handsome too.

Joie
07-23-2008, 05:53 PM
What a blessing Rico! That's wonderful!

Scott Hutchinson
07-23-2008, 05:57 PM
This is touching,and I feel like crying myself.

jaxfam6
07-23-2008, 06:29 PM
Southern California, where it never rains, the girls live in bikinis, and it takes an hour to drive 6 blocks! :D


so now we know the TRUE reason you are going.

you bad bad man

Rico
07-23-2008, 06:52 PM
Rico, as an adoptive parent, I want you to know that I find a comment like this to be VERY offensive. That was out of line!

I'm sure that the people who adopted your son loved him as much as if they had given birth to him. I know you've made a comment about how she doesn't seem at all insecure. Well, let me assure you that that is only because she is choosing what she believes is best for her son. Trust me, deep down, she is quaking!

Sister, don't take it the wrong way. What I meant was that I know people who are on the other end of adoption don't always deal with being adopted very well. Sometimes they feel rejected by their natural parents and end up with very low self esteem and a host of other problems. It's plain to see DV survived that kind of turmoil. Believe me when I tell you that I know adoptive parents are very loving people and nothing I said was meant to slam them. I am sorry if I gave you that impression.

Rico
07-23-2008, 06:57 PM
Well,, I have plenty of airmiles if you change your mind... but I LOVE to do AMTRACK as well.. but honestly I have found in the long run Amtrac is almost non competitive in pricing.. are you finding the same thing?

It's not a money issue, Brother. None of us really want to get on an airplane. lol With my beard, and my wife's and two of our children's darker skin, we just know they'd confuse us for terrorists, I'd have to set them straight, they'd end up tazing me, and we'd never make it to California! :D




















Seriously though, we're all scared to death of getting on an airplane, so Amtrak is the way to go. :)

rgcraig
07-23-2008, 07:01 PM
It's not a money issue, Brother. None of us really want to get on an airplane. lol With my beard, and my wife's and two of our children's darker skin, we just know they'd confuse us for terrorists, I'd have to set them straight, they'd end up tazing me, and we'd never make it to California! :D


Seriously though, we're all scared to death of getting on an airplane, so Amtrak is the way to go. :)
Your wife has a beard?

jaxfam6
07-23-2008, 07:02 PM
:ursofunnyYour wife has a beard?:ursofunny

Rico
07-23-2008, 07:15 PM
Your wife has a beard?



:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny

AmazingGrace
07-23-2008, 07:16 PM
Yall is just wrong!

Dr. Vaughn
07-23-2008, 07:30 PM
It's not a money issue, Brother. None of us really want to get on an airplane. lol With my beard, and my wife's and two of our children's darker skin, we just know they'd confuse us for terrorists, I'd have to set them straight, they'd end up tazing me, and we'd never make it to California! :D














Seriously though, we're all scared to death of getting on an airplane, so Amtrak is the way to go. :)

OK.. NOW I AM LAUGHING.... I can see it now... then you would definitly do the SHOCKAMOO

Rico
07-23-2008, 07:36 PM
OK.. NOW I AM LAUGHING.... I can see it now... then you would definitly do the SHOCKAMOO

:D It would probly end up on the news, then youtube, and then you could post the video here on AFF as more proof of how out of control us Pentecostals really are! :D

Margies3
07-24-2008, 03:16 PM
Sister, don't take it the wrong way. What I meant was that I know people who are on the other end of adoption don't always deal with being adopted very well. Sometimes they feel rejected by their natural parents and end up with very low self esteem and a host of other problems. It's plain to see DV survived that kind of turmoil. Believe me when I tell you that I know adoptive parents are very loving people and nothing I said was meant to slam them. I am sorry if I gave you that impression.

Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.

Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........

We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.

I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.

You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.

Thanks for letting me spout off about this.

HeavenlyOne
07-24-2008, 03:35 PM
Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.

Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........

We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.

I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.

You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.

Thanks for letting me spout off about this.

Wonderful insight to 'the other side', Margie. Being an adoptive parent can be somewhat unsettling, even in the best of circumstances. But you are truly one of a kind. I'm not sure I'd want my adopted child to find their birth parents because I'd be feeling quite selfish about that situation.

BrotherEastman
07-24-2008, 05:01 PM
You have an ADORABLE family Rico!

Love the little twinkles in their eyes!

Congrats on finding your son. He looks like a very special and very sweet young man.

Oh, and....whaddupwidalldatgrayinyobeard??? Guess we gotta start calling you Old Man Rico! :laffatu
How about Santa Clause?<----------------- Rico, Thats what you get for making me cry after reading your intitial post.

BrotherEastman
07-24-2008, 05:04 PM
By the way, since someone brought up Christmas, I realize I could make a killing during that time of year playing Santa Clause. I wouldn't have to use a fake beard, a fake belly, or anything of the sort. I look like a younger version of Santa, before his hair went all white. If I ever backslide on celebrating Christmas (not that I think I ever will), I have every intention on capitalizing on the fact that I could play him every year and make some money at it. :D
All you have to do now is dye that beard.:ursofunny

Rico
07-24-2008, 05:32 PM
Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It just sounded as if you were saying that he was lucky he had survived being an adopted child.

Can I also be honest with you about something else? I have not posted this on your thread because I didn't want to rain on your parade. But I want you to consider this from another point of view, so that's why I need to share this with you.........

We are also going thru this same thing right now with our Justin. We are very glad for him to get to meet his biological family. I think that for him it is very important. But he and I had a big discussion the other day because he was talking to one of his friends and kept referring to his biological father as his "real dad". I finally, calmly and kindly, pointed out to him that his DAD was the man who had been there for him the last 18 years. The one who had provided for his needs, given him shelter, cleaned up after he puked all over his bed, coached his Little League ballteam, taught him how to run the computerized sounds and lights at the school, worked with the Marching Band on all of their shows because he (Justin) was in them, had been there for all 3 of his kidney stone episodes, comforted him when his Grandpa died (even tho that same grandpa was also his dad's father!), rejoiced with him when he took his first girlfriend to the prom, etc., etc., etc.

I'm not saying that these boys should reject their birth families. By no means! I just wanted Justin to understand that even putting him in contact with this birth family is a gift we are giving him out of our love for him. We are and always will be his REAL parents.

You did a very generous and extremely loving thing when you gave your son a chance at a better life than you could have given him 19 years ago. Be very careful that you don't undo all of the good that you did back then. You can and should have a place in this young man's life. But not as his DAD. He has one already.

Thanks for letting me spout off about this.

Sister, you make a good point. The last thing we would want to happen would be for his adoptive parents to feel like they're being pushed out or replaced. That happening is the furthest thing from my mind with him. We are treading very lightly with this situation. I gave them my address and made a point of not asking them for theirs, for this very reason. When they are ready for me to have it, they will give it to me. That's how I look at it. I really think everything is going to be just fine. Thanks for responding. I was wondering what was taking you so long, and I thought maybe you were still upset.

Rico
07-24-2008, 05:33 PM
All you have to do now is dye that beard.:ursofunny


Brother, at the rate I am going, I may finish going gray before Christmas time rolls around this year! :D

AmazingGrace
07-24-2008, 05:40 PM
Sister, you make a good point. The last thing we would want to happen would be for his adoptive parents to feel like they're being pushed out or replaced. That happening is the furthest thing from my mind with him. We are treading very lightly with this situation. I gave them my address and made a point of not asking them for theirs, for this very reason. When they are ready for me to have it, they will give it to me. That's how I look at it. I really think everything is going to be just fine. Thanks for responding. I was wondering what was taking you so long, and I thought maybe you were still upset.

Yall are both doing wonderful things here. Can I interject something here being on the adoptee front.. one who has met her biological parents... And I know Margie didnt mean anything by this but the one thing you have the hardest time with is what to call each other. Yep sounds very silly I know but the adoptee does not want to hurt the adoptive parents or birth parents family so it gets complicated at times. My parents who raised me will always be my parents and the real ones.. however I do occasionally still catch myself saying my real mom... about my bio mom... its just something its really a catch 22 because they are the real parent as in gave birth and yet at the same time you are the real parent because you raised them... so go gentle on the kids :) its very complicated especially the first few years. They will never replace those who raised or birthed them they just have to figure out where all these new people belong!

Rico you are doing wonderful at adapting all of this and can I say from your sons side of this... I would be so proud... taken steps like a real stepper :) Some push or some dont do anything... its the right time right stride and right approach!

Rico
07-24-2008, 05:55 PM
Yall are both doing wonderful things here. Can I interject something here being on the adoptee front.. one who has met her biological parents... And I know Margie didnt mean anything by this but the one thing you have the hardest time with is what to call each other. Yep sounds very silly I know but the adoptee does not want to hurt the adoptive parents or birth parents family so it gets complicated at times. My parents who raised me will always be my parents and the real ones.. however I do occasionally still catch myself saying my real mom... about my bio mom... its just something its really a catch 22 because they are the real parent as in gave birth and yet at the same time you are the real parent because you raised them... so go gentle on the kids :) its very complicated especially the first few years. They will never replace those who raised or birthed them they just have to figure out where all these new people belong!

Rico you are doing wonderful at adapting all of this and can I say from your sons side of this... I would be so proud... taken steps like a real stepper :) Some push or some dont do anything... its the right time right stride and right approach!

Sister, I feel pretty good about the timing of this myself. There have been other times I have tracked them down, but it never felt like it was the right time to make any contact. Also, the other times I tracked them down I went through so much looking and ran into brick wall after brick wall. This time I did run into a few hurdles, but it was only a matter of a few days before I had found them. It's like a door to finding each other suddenly opened up for us.

Like I said in another post, I don't know what God has planned for all of this. I know his parents are both about 16 years older than me, and she told me that her husband has had a stroke and he is now paralyzed on the left side of his body. Because of my son's mental condition, he will never be able to live on his own. Maybe the Lord is putting things into place so he will have a place to come to when his mom and dad pass from this life. I don't know. All I know is I am glad God has made a way for us to connect with each other. I'm going to take things nice and easy with him and his family, and enjoy every phone call, every card, every letter, every picture, every email, every everything concerning him. He must really be a very special person to the Lord because He made sure he's got two families that love him very much and want the very best for him.

AmazingGrace
07-24-2008, 06:09 PM
Sister, I feel pretty good about the timing of this myself. There have been other times I have tracked them down, but it never felt like it was the right time to make any contact. Also, the other times I tracked them down I went through so much looking and ran into brick wall after brick wall. This time I did run into a few hurdles, but it was only a matter of a few days before I had found them. It's like a door to finding each other suddenly opened up for us.

Like I said in another post, I don't know what God has planned for all of this. I know his parents are both about 16 years older than me, and she told me that her husband has had a stroke and he is now paralyzed on the left side of his body. Because of my son's mental condition, he will never be able to live on his own. Maybe the Lord is putting things into place so he will have a place to come to when his mom and dad pass from this life. I don't know. All I know is I am glad God has made a way for us to connect with each other. I'm going to take things nice and easy with him and his family, and enjoy every phone call, every card, every letter, every picture, every email, every everything concerning him. He must really be a very special person to the Lord because He made sure he's got two families that love him very much and want the very best for him.



Wow... I was thinking the exact same things when I typed all of that but didnt want to seem doom and gloom. But now for the rest of the story. I too agree that the timing is good just from what I know of you and I dont even know the whole situation but let me tell you the rest of my story...not to be long but I believe you need to hear this to help you understand God does indeed have a reason for everything.

About 9 yrs ago my Mom (Mom will be referred to as my adoptive mom and dad is same...Glenda and Ted are my BIO) signed up on a website called adoption dot com.. when she did she put in all my info and all the pertinent info she had. Down to the attorneys name. Then she began to search the site by these different items. She found a lady named Glenda and sent her and email.. this was about midnight as mom was a major insomniac. Glenda woke the next morning and opened her email as she had always done every morning. Saw this email and was so excited yet freaked! It was the moment she had prayed for but never expect. Decided she would wait until she got home from work that evening to respond as she had never even told my siblings about me.

This being back then when the only free email carriers were hotmail and such and you had one requirement on them, sign on every 30 days. Well that afternoon while at work Glendas house burnt to the ground. She lost her computer in the fire and before she was able to sign back on it had passed the 30 days. She did however remember the name of the woman (mom) who contacted her and began searching phone books in Dallas. Thing is my parents had been married 30 yrs and in those yrs not a thing had ever been in my moms name including the phone number so Glenda was lost as she did not know my dads name. So she pretty much gave up again.

Now to more present time. 4 yrs later on Christmas night we had not come to tx that yr as my mom had been in the hospital and wanted us to stay home w our family. So she got home and signed onto the comp. Decided the best christmas gift she could give me was one more attempt. She signed onto that forum again for the first time in 4 yrs *she assumed it was the wrong person since glenda never responded* she signed on and within hours Glenda emailed her and said I have watched this forum for you to come back every day for 3 yrs. I am your daughters mother!!! They talked compared times even down to the min Glenda walked into the attorneys office to sign the papers (my parents watched from the car lol) and came to the realization it was indeed her. They sent pics back and forth and we met...

Make a long story short. My mom said to Glenda the night we all met at my parents house.. the one thing I want my baby to know is that no matter what happens to us she will also always have yall too! 2 families are better than 1.. then she took Glenda and Teds hands and said if we ever leave this earth will you please watch out for our baby. It was almost 3 yrs to the day that my momma died. Its been rough and there will never be the same bond but at least I know they are there for me and we do have a wonderful bond and relationship!

God bless your endeavors and if there are ever any rough patches and you need or your wife needs to talk to someone whos been on the other end of this please feel free to contact me!

Rico
07-24-2008, 06:14 PM
Wow... I was thinking the exact same things when I typed all of that but didnt want to seem doom and gloom. But now for the rest of the story. I too agree that the timing is good just from what I know of you and I dont even know the whole situation but let me tell you the rest of my story...not to be long but I believe you need to hear this to help you understand God does indeed have a reason for everything.

About 9 yrs ago my Mom (Mom will be referred to as my adoptive mom and dad is same...Glenda and Ted are my BIO) signed up on a website called adoption dot com.. when she did she put in all my info and all the pertinent info she had. Down to the attorneys name. Then she began to search the site by these different items. She found a lady named Glenda and sent her and email.. this was about midnight as mom was a major insomniac. Glenda woke the next morning and opened her email as she had always done every morning. Saw this email and was so excited yet freaked! It was the moment she had prayed for but never expect. Decided she would wait until she got home from work that evening to respond as she had never even told my siblings about me.

This being back then when the only free email carriers were hotmail and such and you had one requirement on them, sign on every 30 days. Well that afternoon while at work Glendas house burnt to the ground. She lost her computer in the fire and before she was able to sign back on it had passed the 30 days. She did however remember the name of the woman (mom) who contacted her and began searching phone books in Dallas. Thing is my parents had been married 30 yrs and in those yrs not a thing had ever been in my moms name including the phone number so Glenda was lost as she did not know my dads name. So she pretty much gave up again.

Now to more present time. 4 yrs later on Christmas night we had not come to tx that yr as my mom had been in the hospital and wanted us to stay home w our family. So she got home and signed onto the comp. Decided the best christmas gift she could give me was one more attempt. She signed onto that forum again for the first time in 4 yrs *she assumed it was the wrong person since glenda never responded* she signed on and within hours Glenda emailed her and said I have watched this forum for you to come back every day for 3 yrs. I am your daughters mother!!! They talked compared times even down to the min Glenda walked into the attorneys office to sign the papers (my parents watched from the car lol) and came to the realization it was indeed her. They sent pics back and forth and we met...

Make a long story short. My mom said to Glenda the night we all met at my parents house.. the one thing I want my baby to know is that no matter what happens to us she will also always have yall too! 2 families are better than 1.. then she took Glenda and Teds hands and said if we ever leave this earth will you please watch out for our baby. It was almost 3 yrs to the day that my momma died. Its been rough and there will never be the same bond but at least I know they are there for me and we do have a wonderful bond and relationship!

God bless your endeavors and if there are ever any rough patches and you need or your wife needs to talk to someone whos been on the other end of this please feel free to contact me!

Hallelujah! Sister, just like the Bible says, all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose!

Margies3
07-24-2008, 06:34 PM
This really has been an interesting and helpful thread for me right now. It's interesting how we've been able to examine in this one thread every side of this issue: from the point of view of the birth parents, from the point of view of the adoptive parents and from the point of view of the adopted child.

Thank you, Rico and Amazing Grace for sharing your insight. It is helpful to us as we are experiencing Justin meeting his birth mother for the first time this Sunday. And thank you for letting me voice my point of view.

As I've said before, we are not opposed to Justin meeting his birth family. I really believe that this is something that he needs to do for his own peace of mind. And I'm honestly not worried about them "taking our place" in his life. If he talked about them all day, every day I might be concerned. But he doesn't. In fact, he goes days at a time without a even going near the subject. That tells me alot. Thank you, AG, for helping me to understand how hard it is for him to know what to call his birthmom. That explains alot to me. Maybe I can sit down with him and let him bounce some ideas around until he finds something he can be comfortable with?

Rico, I'm glad to hear that you are not pushing things too fast. This is alot for anyone to process. But for someone who has learning difficulties like Jonathan, I would imagine it might be even harder to figure out? It's good to give him space :) Also, from the point of view of the adoptive parent, it will be good to give her some time herself to process this whole change in their lives. Good for you for handling this well.

Rico
07-24-2008, 06:44 PM
Margie, rest assured that I am planning on using you as a sounding board for me in this situation. I need to hear how someone in your shoes sees this situation. I appreciate you jumping in and sharing your thoughts. :)

AmazingGrace
07-24-2008, 06:45 PM
This really has been an interesting and helpful thread for me right now. It's interesting how we've been able to examine in this one thread every side of this issue: from the point of view of the birth parents, from the point of view of the adoptive parents and from the point of view of the adopted child.

Thank you, Rico and Amazing Grace for sharing your insight. It is helpful to us as we are experiencing Justin meeting his birth mother for the first time this Sunday. And thank you for letting me voice my point of view.

As I've said before, we are not opposed to Justin meeting his birth family. I really believe that this is something that he needs to do for his own peace of mind. And I'm honestly not worried about them "taking our place" in his life. If he talked about them all day, every day I might be concerned. But he doesn't. In fact, he goes days at a time without a even going near the subject. That tells me alot. Thank you, AG, for helping me to understand how hard it is for him to know what to call his birthmom. That explains alot to me. Maybe I can sit down with him and let him bounce some ideas around until he finds something he can be comfortable with?

Rico, I'm glad to hear that you are not pushing things too fast. This is alot for anyone to process. But for someone who has learning difficulties like Jonathan, I would imagine it might be even harder to figure out? It's good to give him space :) Also, from the point of view of the adoptive parent, it will be good to give her some time herself to process this whole change in their lives. Good for you for handling this well.

Love you Margie! And it will work out and God has his hand in it I am sure!

Margies3
07-24-2008, 07:42 PM
Margie, rest assured that I am planning on using you as a sounding board for me in this situation. I need to hear how someone in your shoes sees this situation. I appreciate you jumping in and sharing your thoughts. :)

Rico, one thing that I can tell you with all the confidence I have within me - as adoptive parents, most of us feel the same way. We are very, very, very grateful to you as birth parents for allowing the privilege to be Mom and Dad to the baby you made. We understand how horribly difficult the decision had to have been for you to make and how you chose love for your baby over love for yourself. That is so very honorable.

I know personally, that I have thought about my boys' birth parents every single birthday and holiday. I've wondered if they spent the day wondering how they were doing and what they looked like and if they were happy. If I could have, I would have reached out to them to let them know what fabulous human beings they formed and how happy they were and how happy they've made us.

In Keith's case, we take him once a year to meet with his biological grandma and biological half-brother. I know for sure that Grandma goes back to birth mom to let her know how he's doing. And I am very careful to make sure that I send pictures home with her, knowing that she will be sharing them with the birth parents. These people did no harm to our child. They gave him up because they loved him. How can I have bad feelings against them? I can't.

In Justin's case, his biological grandma has known where he is all along. She is actually my mother's cousin (her mother and my grandmother were sisters). She made the choice when Justin first came here to back out of his life so that she would never be able to slip up and tell his birth mother where he was. The birth mother never hurt him. But the birth father did. And grandma's goal was to make sure that there was never any way in the world that the birth father could find Justin. To do that, it meant that she had to cut off the rest of her family. She has spent the past 18 years not seeing any of her cousins or her aunts and uncles. All so that she could protect Justin. Again, how can I have bad feelings against her when she's gone to lengths like that to protect my son? I can't.

Rico, if you have any questions at all, I am here. I will be glad to talk with you. And I will be honest. I hope that will be ok. I also plan to come to you and to AmazingGrace for your points of view as things come up for us. I hope that is ok. :friend