Parents of Murdered gay student blame school

[Praxeas]

VENTURA, California — The family of a gay teenager who was fatally shot in class blames the school district for allowing their son to wear makeup and feminine clothing to school — factors the family claims led to the death.

The parents and brother of 15-year-old Larry King of Oxnard filed a personal injury claim against the Hueneme school district seeking unspecified damages for not enforcing the dress code, The Ventura County Star reported.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,404502,00.html

[HeavenlyOne]

Already have a thread about that. It's the school dress code thread.

[Baron1710]

And if they had tried to enforce it they would have cried discrimination.

Maybe if the parents had done a better job then they would have had custody of the boy. Who took the 8th grade boy shopping for those clothes?

[HeavenlyOne]

In the parent's defense...

In this day and age when both parents work most of the time, that leaves the children fending for themselves.

I recently had a judge get on to me for not doing enough to ensure that my son went to school everyday.

I made no bones about straightening him out to the facts of the matter that I had been in school for the last 18 months and was trying to work with the school, even begging them to give him a truancy ticket that brought me to court in the first place! It took me almost two years, but they finally issued that ticket the last week of school!

Fact is, if my son wanted to wear girls clothes to school, there isn't much I can do about it. I'm not home to check him out before he leaves for school.

But thank God I don't have that problem!

[Baron1710]

In the parent's defense...

In this day and age when both parents work most of the time, that leaves the children fending for themselves.

I recently had a judge get on to me for not doing enough to ensure that my son went to school everyday.

I made no bones about straightening him out to the facts of the matter that I had been in school for the last 18 months and was trying to work with the school, even begging them to give him a truancy ticket that brought me to court in the first place! It took me almost two years, but they finally issued that ticket the last week of school!

Fact is, if my son wanted to wear girls clothes to school, there isn't much I can do about it. I'm not home to check him out before he leaves for school.

But thank God I don't have that problem!


There is never an excuse for expecting a school to do what a parent should.

[Hoovie]

In the parent's defense...

In this day and age when both parents work most of the time, that leaves the children fending for themselves.
!

uh... that's an indictment not a defense.

[HeavenlyOne]

There is never an excuse for expecting a school to do what a parent should.

I'm glad you are in total control of your household.

I have failed. Please tell me what else I can do to make sure my son goes to school when I have to work.

Perhaps I should make a list of things I've already done:

Taken away the PS2, all games, controllers, and such like for over a year's time, consecutively.
Grounded him from going places.
Taken his phone away (which doesn't work because then I have no way of contacting him).
Not allowed him to speak to friends outside of school and church.
Forced him to do horrible chores.
Grounded him from TV and movies.
Spoken to the school officials on several occasions.
Spoken to his pastor on several occasions.
Spoken to his youth leader on several occasions.
Spoken to his guidance counselor on several occasions.

Now, what else am I supposed to do?

[Baron1710]

I'm glad you are in total control of your household.

I have failed. Please tell me what else I can do to make sure my son goes to school when I have to work.

I'm not attacking you. But it is not the job of the school to raise our kids. One year we had some problems with our son in school and I threatened him with this...

http://www.rma.edu/

[HeavenlyOne]

uh... that's an indictment not a defense.

Sometimes parents have no choice but to work. Both of them. Perhaps a result of bad choices made earlier, but no choice at the present.

Perhaps they did as I have done and have contacted the school for help on several occasions, only to be told what I've been told.

"But he's not a troublemaker and we have no problems out of him at all."

[Baron1710]

How old is your son?

[HeavenlyOne]

I'm not attacking you. But it is not the job of the school to raise our kids. One year we had some problems with our son in school and I threatened him with this...

http://www.rma.edu/

I wasn't taking it as an attack, but you don't know the countless times I've been to blame when I'm by myself and always have been in raising my kids. I get no help from their father and never have.

I would love to enroll him in such a program. I'm trying to get him into going into the military, but now that it's more of a reality, he's backing out of it.

I'm not wanting the school to raise my kids, but when I need help from them, it would be nice to receive it.

Being truant from school is something they should be taking action with. I assure you that if I was keeping him from attending, the state officials would be all over me!

[HeavenlyOne]

How old is your son?

17 this past June.

[HeavenlyOne]

Oh, and sorry for sounding so snotty. I didn't mean it as it sounded. I'm just jealous of people who have control of their household and kids. ;)

[jezebelslayer]

I'm glad you are in total control of your household.

I have failed. Please tell me what else I can do to make sure my son goes to school when I have to work.

Perhaps I should make a list of things I've already done:

Taken away the PS2, all games, controllers, and such like for over a year's time, consecutively.
Grounded him from going places.
Taken his phone away (which doesn't work because then I have no way of contacting him).
Not allowed him to speak to friends outside of school and church.
Forced him to do horrible chores.
Grounded him from TV and movies.
Spoken to the school officials on several occasions.
Spoken to his pastor on several occasions.
Spoken to his youth leader on several occasions.
Spoken to his guidance counselor on several occasions.

Now, what else am I supposed to do?

You are doing all you can do ... some people are way to quick to judge. I admire your efforts and the love you obviously have for your child. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off.

[Rico]

I'm glad you are in total control of your household.

I have failed. Please tell me what else I can do to make sure my son goes to school when I have to work.

Perhaps I should make a list of things I've already done:

Taken away the PS2, all games, controllers, and such like for over a year's time, consecutively.
Grounded him from going places.
Taken his phone away (which doesn't work because then I have no way of contacting him).
Not allowed him to speak to friends outside of school and church.
Forced him to do horrible chores.
Grounded him from TV and movies.
Spoken to the school officials on several occasions.
Spoken to his pastor on several occasions.
Spoken to his youth leader on several occasions.
Spoken to his guidance counselor on several occasions.

Now, what else am I supposed to do?

Let him join the football team, or some other activity that he would want to do, that would include a requirement that he have good attendance and good grades. My son knows if his grades aren't up to par, and if he starts ditching school, the first thing that is going to happen is that he will be kissing football bye-bye.

[Rico]

I'm not attacking you. But it is not the job of the school to raise our kids. One year we had some problems with our son in school and I threatened him with this...

http://www.rma.edu/

Uh, the key word in your post is "we". It's much easier when it's "we".

[HeavenlyOne]

You are doing all you can do ... some people are way to quick to judge. I admire your efforts and the love you obviously have for your child. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off.

Some do judge, but I don't believe that was Baron's intent.

I think I've done a good job. My kids are 14 and 17, yet I never worry about where they are when I'm working, like sneaking out, or going other places when skipping school, having parties in the house, smoking dope, drinking alcohol, or anything else teens are well known for.

In fact, I've not had near the problems out of the two of them combined that my mother had out of me alone. Hope I never do either!

Thanks for your kind words. It's good to hear them.

[Baron1710]

17 this past June.

My oldest will be 15 in a few days and I don't give people advice on how to raise their kids. But I do know that it is the parent’s responsibility not the school. I am not a fan of compulsory education, I think if a kid his age doesn't want to go to school he should have vocational training options.

I realize there is no solution in what I am saying. I know there are things I would do differently with my kids if I did it over again, but that ship has sailed.

[Baron1710]

Oh, and sorry for sounding so snotty. I didn't mean it as it sounded. I'm just jealous of people who have control of their household and kids. ;)

I didn't take it that way.

Control?

I don't think kids are controlled by the time they are teenagers they are guided, that's the best anyone can do. They have a will of their own and time out doesn't work.

[HeavenlyOne]

My oldest will be 15 in a few days and I don't give people advice on how to raise their kids. But I do know that it is the parent’s responsibility not the school. I am not a fan of compulsory education, I think if a kid his age doesn't want to go to school he should have vocational training options.

I realize there is no solution in what I am saying. I know there are things I would do differently with my kids if I did it over again, but that ship has sailed.

I've talked to him about dropping out and getting his GED. He doesn't want to do that.

He's a strange kid. It's not that he doesn't want to go to school. He just feels that if he can make up the work later, why should he bother going? He just doesn't see the importance of attending school when he can do the work at home at his leisure. And the school has allowed him to do this because he's such a charming kid....LOL!

I'd give him zeros until his attendance improved!

[HappyTown]

In the parent's defense...


Fact is, if my son wanted to wear girls clothes to school, there isn't much I can do about it. I'm not home to check him out before he leaves for school.

But thank God I don't have that problem!

This is true, when I'd drop my daughter off at the bus stop you see a few kids changing into different clothes after their parents drop them off. We have one young gal who puts on very short skirts over her pants then removes the pants, changes her shoe's to high heels or go-go boots puts on makeup , when she gets off the bus she back into her pants and flats no makeup, so mommy wont know.

[Jermyn Davidson]

And if they had tried to enforce it they would have cried discrimination.

Maybe if the parents had done a better job then they would have had custody of the boy. Who took the 8th grade boy shopping for those clothes?


That "would have cried discrimination" is hogwash. If that boy's school had done what they were supposed to do, then maybe this would have never happened.

There is plenty the parents probably should have done, but they are not suing themselves. They are suing the school and that school must shoulder some of the blame for that child's untimely, preventable death.

[HeavenlyOne]

While it's not the job of the school to raise our kids, they do have a certain amount of responsibility, since they have our children for about 25% of their lives from the ages of 5 to 18.

If the school has them that long, and kids sleep 40-50 percent, guess how much time that leaves to the parents?

25-35%!! We get about as much time with our children as the school gets.

[Rico]

Just the fact that their child was shot during school hours, and on school property, would give the parent's grounds for a lawsuit.

[Jermyn Davidson]

I would rather see this child's actual care givers sue the school. If I remember correctly, his home life was so terrible tat he wasn't even living at home with his parents.

When you think about it, this kid lived a miserable experience and was then killed violently. This happened, not in a third world country, but in our USA.

This story made me sad when I thought about it, in these terms.