View Full Version : From the Inbox
A Special place to share those things we receive in email that just don't fit anywhere else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
http://susie1114.com/LiveALife.html
Reality Clock
Too Busy for a Friend
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other
students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between
each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about
each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their
assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a
separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said
about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the
entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never
knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked
me so much" were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if
they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't
matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were
happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved
on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and
his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had
never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so
handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved
him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to
bless the coffin
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came
up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded:
"yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to
a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to
speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet
out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought
you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of
notebook paper that had obvi o usly been taped, folded and refolded many
times.
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on
which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates
had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can
see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie
smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in
the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out
her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group "I
carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an
eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for
Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that
life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are
special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
THE OLD PATHS
I liked the old paths, when
Moms were at home.
Dads were at work.
Brothers went into the army.
And sisters got married BEFORE having children!
Crime did not pay;
Hard work did;
And people knew the difference.
Moms could cook;
Dads would work;
Children would behave..
Husbands were loving;
Wives were supportive;
And children were polite.
Women wore the jewelry;
And Men wore the pants.
Women looked like ladies;
Men looked like gentlemen;
And children looked decent.
People loved the truth,
And hated a lie;
They came to church to get IN,
Not to get OUT!
Hymns sounded Godly;
Sermons sounded helpful;
Rejoicing sounded normal;
And crying sounded sincere.
Cursing was wicked;
Drinking was evil;
and divorce was unthinkable.
The flag was honored;
America was beautiful;
And God was welcome!
We read the Bible in public;
Prayed in school;
And preached from house to house
To be called an American was worth dying for;
To be called a Christian was worth living for;
To be called a traitor was a shame!
Sex was a personal word.
Homosexual was an unheard of word,
And abortion was an illegal word.
Preachers preached because they had a message;
And Christians rejoiced because they had the VICTORY!
Preachers preached from the Bible;
Singers sang from the heart;
And sinners turned to the Lord to be SAVED!
A new birth meant a new life;
Salvation meant a changed life;
Following Christ led to eternal life.
Being a preacher meant you proclaimed the word of God;
Being a deacon meant you would serve the Lord;
Being a Christian meant you would live for Jesus;
And being a sinner meant someone was praying for you!
Laws were based on the Bible;
Homes read the Bible;
And churches taught the Bible.
Preachers were more interested in new converts,
Than new clothes and new cars.
God was worshiped;
Christ was exalted;
and the Holy Spirit was respected.
Church was where you found Christians
on the Lord's day, rather than in the garden,
on the creek bank, on the golf course,
or being entertained somewhere else.
I still like the old paths the best !
Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall..
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
rgcraig
04-11-2007, 10:38 AM
Excellent idea!
Pressing-On
04-11-2007, 10:45 AM
Not to throw a kink in the system, but I thought I remembered BOOM saying something about opening the Forum to spreading a virus that may be attached to some e-mails.
Could he respond to that?
Sorry, Tina. I just want to know. :winkgrin
There's no way to put a virus on the forum by copying text from an email. we're not putting attachments from email here.
Malvaro
04-11-2007, 12:23 PM
Another month ends
All targets met
All systems working
All customers satisfied
All staff eagerly enthusiastic
All pigs fed and ready to fly.
Pressing-On
04-11-2007, 12:25 PM
There's no way to put a virus on the forum by copying text from an email. we're not putting attachments from email here.
Thanks. I couldn't remember what BOOM was saying about that. That clears it up and, of course, makes perfect sense.
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-11-2007, 01:37 PM
Not to throw a kink in the system, but I thought I remembered BOOM saying something about opening the Forum to spreading a virus that may be attached to some e-mails.
Could he respond to that?
Sorry, Tina. I just want to know. :winkgrin
Anyone who does not maintain virus protection should be banned.
No way to spread virus unless you download them.
And no need to use "The Virus" aka AOL either.
:tiphat
Forgiven
04-11-2007, 01:49 PM
Another month ends
All targets met
All systems working
All customers satisfied
All staff eagerly enthusiastic
All pigs fed and ready to fly.
If that's the kind of stuff you get in your email, you need new email friends. :toofunny
Malvaro
04-11-2007, 02:28 PM
If that's the kind of stuff you get in your email, you need new email friends. :toofunny
I get more junk mail from "friends" than I have the time to read.... I don't need anymore :slaphappy
Pressing-On
04-11-2007, 02:42 PM
I get more junk mail from "friends" than I have the time to read.... I don't need anymore :slaphappy
I hate forwarded mail!! I hardly ever open it!
Pressing-On
04-11-2007, 02:42 PM
Anyone who does not maintain virus protection should be banned.
No way to spread virus unless you download them.
And no need to use "The Virus" aka AOL either.
:tiphat
Thanks!
rgcraig
04-11-2007, 03:14 PM
I hate forwarded mail!! I hardly ever open it!
Note to self: delete FW: in subject line when sending an email to PO, then she'll read it.
berkeley
04-11-2007, 03:49 PM
I have never used my real email address to sign up for junk... and I got this today..
Client Updates:
Thank you for choosing LenderTree Refi Group for your Refinance needs.
We have pre_Approved your Refinance Application. In order to get you the BEST Rate at LenderTree Annual Mortgage Promotion event, we need your info to be verified.
Your File #: c99-11518
Lowest Rate: 4.28 + %
Amount: up to $520, 000
Please visit the link below to complete your verification, so we can start paperwork NOW.
http://refinance_approval.lowmort007.com
Thank You,
Yolanda Rodrigues
LenderTree Refi, Ltd.
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-11-2007, 04:16 PM
Note to self: delete FW: in subject line when sending an email to PO, then she'll read it.
Note to Self: Keep NOT sending PO any mail and set filter to forward all spam folder contents to her instead.
:slaphappy
I have never used my real email address to sign up for junk... and I got this today..
You'd be surprised how many legitimate businesses you may have given that email address to who would sell you out.
I know for a fact that I have NEVER gotten a single spam in my "business" inbox on bellsouth email until I used it to pay my telephone and cell phone bill through bellsouth/cingular. Now I get dozens every day.
Praxeas
04-11-2007, 07:25 PM
There's no way to put a virus on the forum by copying text from an email. we're not putting attachments from email here.
However if words in the email contain a link that is not obvious and someone clicks on it then it is possible when that web page opens up a "dropper" script runs and gives you a virus. If your emails are all text documents and not HTML, then it's not a worry
berkeley
04-11-2007, 08:56 PM
You'd be surprised how many legitimate businesses you may have given that email address to who would sell you out.
I know for a fact that I have NEVER gotten a single spam in my "business" inbox on bellsouth email until I used it to pay my telephone and cell phone bill through bellsouth/cingular. Now I get dozens every day.
I have several EM addys. I have never used this particular account to sign up for anything. It is used only to touch base with people.
rgcraig
04-13-2007, 10:31 AM
Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten.
On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.
The kids came into first period and there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."
They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."
"No," she said.
"Maybe it's our behavior."
And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."
And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing, third period too. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.
The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. And she says, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily." She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."
Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids, for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.
Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."
Friends, I think sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities. The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home, this wonderful nation that we better love enough to protect and preserve with the kind of conservative, solid values and principles that made us a great nation.
"We live in the Land of the Free because of the brave."
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-13-2007, 10:39 AM
However if words in the email contain a link that is not obvious and someone clicks on it then it is possible when that web page opens up a "dropper" script runs and gives you a virus. If your emails are all text documents and not HTML, then it's not a worry
"those who do not have virus protection that is maintained and updated do not need to be online"
:grampa
MrsMcD
04-13-2007, 06:41 PM
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as Gods child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know who you are?
Shocked in Heaven
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door
Not by the beauty of it all
By the lights or the decor
But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp
The thieves, the liars, the sinners
the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice
Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell
was sitting pretty on cloud 9
looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal here?"
I would love to hear your take
How'd all these sinners get up here?
You must have made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? C'mon give me a clue
"Hush child," said He. They're all in shock
No one thought they'd ever see you.
rgcraig
04-16-2007, 08:06 AM
http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/
Get out the tissues~!
Malvaro
04-16-2007, 09:09 AM
http://www.stservicemovie.com/
Pressing-On
04-16-2007, 09:44 AM
After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came
to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network
more than 1000 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English
scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after, headlines
in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of
2000 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors
already had advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years
earlier than the Scots."
One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following: "After digging
as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, Texas A&M scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago
Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology."
PS: Don't Mess with Texas
:happydance :happydance
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates, Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I've also learned that if I don't forward an e-mail to a certain number of people about how special my friends are to me, I should just kill myself because obviously I don't have many friends.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
And oh how I love getting the same e-mail from 6 different people because they don't pay attention to who received the original e-mail in the first place!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
A prayer for today:
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
And It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees
it.
http://www.flashdemo.net/gallery/wake/index.htm
A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake.
They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man so he took the bag ouf of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw one of the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.
He thought little about it until he dropped one of the clay balls, and it cracked upon a rock. Inside was a beautiful precious stone.
Excited, the man started cracking the remaining clay balls against the rock. Inside each one was a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so remaining clay balls that he had left. Then it struck him.
He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown 50 or 60 clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of taking home thousands of dollars worth of treasures, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away.
It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.
We see that person as less important than someone who is more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy---but we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.
There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way that he sees them-- then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
May we not come to the end of our lives and realize that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.
May we see the people in our world as God sees them.
I am so blessed by the gems of friendship that I have with each of you.
Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-16-2007, 12:16 PM
http://www.flashdemo.net/gallery/wake/index.htm
If I die before you wake...
Back home now I know you're probably sleepin'
Over here it's the middle of the day
I finally found the time to write a letter
Sittin' here a half a world away
I heard about all them folks protestin'
As if I really want this war
But that don't stop me from believin'
There's just some things worth fightin' for
CHORUS
And if I die before you wake,
I pray the world will take
A good look at what God's given us
That we could only understand,
everything is in his hands
All we need is a little faith and trust
I want you to know it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
Tell everybody that I miss them
And I can't wait to get back home
But until then I'll serve my country
And be proud to wear this uniform
CHORUS
No it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
Theresa
04-16-2007, 01:20 PM
Hope Rides Alone
By Eddie Jeffers
I stare out into the darkness from my post, and I watch the city burn to the
ground. I smell the familiar smells, I walk through the familiar rubble,
and I look at the frightened faces that watch me pass down the streets of
their neighborhoods. My nerves hardly rest; my hands are steady on a device
that
has been given to me from my government for the purpose of taking the lives
of others.
I sweat, and I am tired. My back aches from the loads I carry. Young
American boys look to me to direct them in a manner that will someday allow
them to see their families again...and yet, I too, am just a boy....my age not
but a few years more than that of the ones I lead. I am stressed, I am scared,
and I am paranoid...becau se death is everywhere. It waits for me, it calls
to me from around street corners and windows, and it is always there.
There are the demons that follow me, and tempt me into thoughts and actions
that are not my own...but that are necessary for survival. I've made
compromises with my humanity. And I am not alone in this. Miles from me
are my brethren in this world, who walk in the same streets...who feel the same
things, whether they admit to it or not.
And to think, I volunteered for this...
And I am ignorant to the rest of the world...or so I thought.
But even thousands of miles away, in Ramadi , Iraq , the cries and screams
and complaints of the ungrateful reach me. In a year, I will be thrust back
into society from a life and mentality that doesn't fit your average man.
And then, I will be alone. And then, I will walk down the streets of America ,
and see the yellow ribbon stickers on the cars of the same people w ho compare
our President to Hitler.
I will watch the television and watch the Cindy Sheehans, and the Al
Frankens, and the rest of the ignorant sheep of America spout off their
mouths about a subject they know nothing about. It is their right, however, and
it is a
right that is defended by hundreds of thousands of boys and girls scattered
across the world, far from home. I use the word boys and girls, because
that's what they are. In the Army, the average age of the infantryman is
nineteen years old. The average rank of soldiers killed in action is Private
First
Class.
People like Cindy Sheehan are ignorant. Not just to this war, but to the
results of their idiotic ramblings, or at least I hope they are. They
don't realize its effects on this war. In this war, there are no Geneva
Conventions, no cease fires. Medics and Chaplains are not spared from the
enemy's
brutality because it's against the rules. I can only imagine the horrors a
military Chaplain would experience at the hands of the enemy.
The enemy slinks in the shadows and fights a coward's war against us. It
is effective though, as many men and women have died since the start of this
war. And the memory of their service to America is tainted by the
inconsiderate remarks on our nation's news outlets. And every day, the
enemy changes...only now, the enemy is becoming something new. The enemy is
transitioning from the Muslim extremists to Americans. The enemy is becoming
the very
people whom we defend with our lives. And they do not realize it. But in
denouncing our actions, denouncing our leaders, denouncing the war we live
and fight, they are isolating the military from society...and they are becoming
our
enemy.
Democrats and peace activists like to toss the word "quagmire" around and
compare this war to Vietnam . In a way they are right, this war is becoming
l ike Vietnam . Not the actual war, but in the isolation of country and
military. America is not a nation at war; they are a nation with its military
at
war. Like it or not, we are here, some of us for our second, or third times;
some even for their fourth and so on. Americans are so concerned now with
politics, that it is interfering with our war.
Terrorists cut the heads off of American citizens on the internet...and
there is no outrage, but an American soldier kills an Iraqi in the midst of
battle, and there are investigations, and sometimes soldiers are even
jailed...for doing their job.
It is absolutely sickening to me to think our country has come to this.
Why are we so obsessed with the bad news? Why will people stop at nothing to
be against this war, no matter how much evidence of the good we've done is
thrown in their face? When is the last time CNN or MSNBC or CBS reported
the opening of schools and hospitals in Iraq ? Or the leaders of terror cells
being detained or killed? It's all happening, but people will not let up their
hatred of Bush. They will ignore the good news, because it just might show
people that Bush was right.
America has lost its will to fight. It has lost its will to defend what is
right and just in the world. The crazy thing of it all is that the
American people have not even been asked to sacrifice a single thing. It's not
like
World War Two, where people rationed food, and turned in cars to be made
into metal for tanks. The American people have not been asked to sacrifice
anything. Unless you are in the military or the family member of a
service member, its life as usual...the war doesn't affect you.
But it affects us. And when it is over, and the troops come home, and they
try to piece together what's left of them after their service...where will
the detractors be then? Where will the Cindy Sheehans be to comfort and
talk to soldiers and help them sort out the last couple years of their lives,
most of which have been spent dodging death and wading through the deaths of
their friends? They will be where they always are, somewhere far away, where
the
horrors of the world can't touch them. Somewhere where they can complain
about things they will never experience in their lifetime; things that the
young men and women of America have willingly taken upon their shoulders.
We are the hope of the Iraqi people. They want what everyone else wants in
life: safety, security, somewhere to call home. They want a country that
is safe to raise their children in. Not a place where their children will be
abducted, raped, and murdered if they do not comply with the terrorists
demands. They want to live on, rebuild and prosper. And America has given
them the opportunity, but only if we stay true to the cause, and see it to its
end.
But the country must unite in this endeavor...we cannot place the burden on
our military alone. We must all stand up and fight, whether in uniform or
not. And supporting us is more than sticking yellow ribbon stickers on
your cars. It's supporting our President, our troops and our cause.
Right now, the burden is all on the American soldiers. Right now, hope
rides alone. But it can change, it must change. Because there is only
failure and darkness ahead for us as a country, as a people, if it doesn't.
Let's stop all the political nonsense, let's stop all the bickering, let's
stop all the bad news, and let's stand and fight!
Isn't that what America is about anyway?
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-17-2007, 03:22 AM
How to properly place new employees
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them
in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
BoredOutOfMyMind
04-17-2007, 03:26 AM
Rudy's Last Chance To Save The Nation
http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=153&stc=1&d=1176801957
Rhoni
04-17-2007, 05:38 AM
?http://webmail.aol.com/25045/aol/en-us/Mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=1.15758770&folder=New+Mail&partId=12
This could happen to you.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.
HOW TO GET TO PARIS FRANCE (according to google)
1. Go to google.com.
2. Click on Maps.
3. Click on Get Directions.
4. From: New York, New York.
5. To: Paris, France.
6. Then, pay special attention to line #23.
:tiphat
After you open the website below, just click your mouse anywhere on the black space to create your garden of flowers. Technology continues to be amazing ..
P.S. Try holding down the mouse button and dragging it across the page. Also Neat!
GO TO: http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf
http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/blessed.htm
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a
classroom. The teacher was going to explain
evolution to the children. The teacher asked
a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree
outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass
outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see
if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes
later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see
God because he isn't there. Possibly he just
doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the
boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked
the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree
outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass
outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the
teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we
were taught today in school, she possibly
may not even have one!
(You Go Girl!)
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT"
II CORINTHIANS 5:7
Malvaro
04-27-2007, 02:15 PM
Author unknown
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
... Senate Office Building
Phone ...
Washington DC 20510
Dear Senator Harkin:
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for
becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I
see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures
it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply
to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me
and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save
almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as "instate" tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age
children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I
would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, Iowa
Writing Hints
RULES FOR BETTER WRITING.......NOT!
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
-Anonymous
The Weakest Link
Here is a very simple little test comprised of four questions to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting time. And no cheating.
1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in second place.
In which position are you now?
Answer:
If you answered that you're now first, then you're completely wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're second. For the next question try not to be so dim.
2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?
Answer:
If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong. Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!! It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. You would make a good weak link!!!
Anyway, here's another to try, don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember your replies must be instantaneous. Take heart! (that was the dictionary's suggestion)
3 : Take 1000. Add 40.
Add another 1000.
Add 30.
1000 again.
Plus 20.
Plus 1000.
And plus 10.
What is the total ?
Answer:
5000??? Wrong again!
The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a good calculator. Today is clearly not your day! Although you should manage to get the last question right...
4 : Marie's father has five daughters:
1. Chache
2. Cheche
3. Chichi
4. Chocho
5. ????
Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?
Think quickly...you'll find the answer below...
Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG!!!!!
It's obviously Marie!!! Read the question properly!!!!!
You are clearly the weakest link!
GOODBYE!!!
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists -- 2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her." The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent nodded and said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent nodded and said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given similar instructions -- to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots rang out, one after another.
Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. The agent was just about to go in and see what was happening when the door opened and the woman stepped out, sweating profusely.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Daily Affirmations
- As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
- I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
- Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
- My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
- Joan of Arc heard voices too.
- I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
- As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
- When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
- As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
- I am at one with my duality.
- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
- Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?
- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming my parents.
- To understand all is to fear all.
- I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
- The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
- To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Things to Ponder:
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of congress?
If it's Zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be Twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do scientists call it "re"search when looking for something new?
Why is it called a building when it is already built?
Why is hamburger called hamburger, when it is made out of beef not ham?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?
Why is it when someone eats something that tastes bad they say "Aw, this tastes gross!" and turn to you and say "Try it!" Why would I want to try it, if they already told me what it tastes like?
How do you know when invisible ink pens run out of ink?
If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear?
Why do they call it a Leap Year if you ADD another day rather than subtracting one?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
How does a black cow eat green grass and produce white milk?
What happens if the grass has turned brown?
Does the milk come with extra calcium if you grew the grass with Miracle Grow?
Which way is up when you're standing on the south pole?
:tease
REVENGE---
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......including the curtain rods.
The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button. He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet." Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Evening Classes For Men
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration. The classes are listed:
1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Toilet paper. Do they grow on holders? Roundtable discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Practicing with hamper. Picture and graphics.
4. The after dinner dishes and silverware. Can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink or dishwasher? Debate among panel of experts.
5. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
6. Health watch- bringing her flowers is NOT harmful to your health. Powerpoint presentation.
7. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
8. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
9. Living with Adults. Basic differences between your mother and your wife. Online class and role playing.
10. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
11. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you are going to be late. Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
12. Getting over it. Learning to live with being wrong all the time. Individual counselors are available.
:bolt
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES:
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 4 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition...each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and an appointment for a haircut. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keep it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
There is only one TV between them.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every repulsive character on cartoons.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply themselves either while driving or making four lunches. They must adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, they will have to endure severe stomach cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly PTA meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
He will need to pray with the children each night, bathe them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00.
They must clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: *each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor. *each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moments notice...
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
Newspaper headlines from the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formally known as California). White minorities still trying to
have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floridians still don't know how to use a voting machine.
StillStanding
05-03-2007, 12:31 PM
I Believe
I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that.
I believe- That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe- That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe- That you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe- That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!
I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe- That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
BoredOutOfMyMind
05-03-2007, 02:40 PM
How old do you feel now?Eddie Haskell, Beaver Cleaver & Wally Cleaver
http://boortz.com/images/eddie_beaver_wally.jpg
26 Things to do in a elevator.
1) Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
2) Move your desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
3) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
4) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
5) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
6) Ask, "did you feel that?"
7) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic. They'll open up again."
9) Swat at flies that don't exist.
10) Tell people that you can see their aura.
11) Call out, "GROUP HUG!" and enforce it.
12) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up. All of you. Just Shut up!!!"
13) Crack open your briefcase or purse and while peering inside, as "Got enough air in there?"
14) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM," and back away slowly.
16) Wear a puppet on your hand, and use it to talk to the other passengers.
17) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
1 Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
19) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
20) Stare grinning at another passenger for awhile, then announce "I have new socks on." (This is best if you're wearing flip flops)
21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk, and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!!"
22) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
23) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
24) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you're on.
25) Hold the doors open, and say that you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, how's your day been?"
26) Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream "That's mine!"
Rhoni
05-07-2007, 07:38 AM
By Max Lucado
You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want
to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air.
The sound is high above you.
A trumpet?
A choir?
A choir of trumpets?
You don't know, but you want to know.
So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a
parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store.
The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt.
Players and parents are searching the clouds. And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.
As if the sky was a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None.
From whence came the light begins to tumble a river of color spiking crystals of every hue ever seen and a million more never seen.
Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square
inch of the sky.
North.
South.
East.
West.
Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim
chanting,
Holy, holy, holy.
The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver- bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship.
Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is
a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but
you know you must.
Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet.
The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is.
Jesus.
Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King.
He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud.
He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration:
I am the Alpha and the Omega.
The angels bow their heads.
The elders remove their crowns
And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know:
Nothing else matters.
Forget stock markets and school reports.
Sales meetings and football games.
Nothing is newsworthy..
All that mattered, matters no more.... for Christ has come.
And, please put the exact time you read this in the subject line before sending. It is mystical--honest
This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked:
My child, what is your greatest wish for today?
I responded:
"Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love
them very much"
The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end.
This message works on the day you receive it.
To some it may sound dumb, but the person who sent this to me was impressed with its timing. Let us see if it is true.
ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call
them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU.
Pass this on to your true friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR.
This was the winning entry for a writing contest for stories about
Motherhood.
So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.
Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and
Nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on
This mat in our bathroom.
Well, we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3
Years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
Chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing
It. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my
Chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to
Put it right back in the drawer when he was done.
Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try
To get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys
Are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my
Little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a
Mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor
Me and the amazing job that is motherhood.
We finally have the older one and and the baby loaded in the car and I am
Looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner
To go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my chapstick
Very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and
Said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their
Little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to
Mind.
And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth. So I
Asked Eli, how often do you put chapstick on Jacks chapped behind. To that
He replied, "every day, I do my lips and his." I should have known not to
Ask that question.
And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures,
There will always be that day when you realize they've been using your
Chapstick on the cat's butt.
God and the Spider
During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and
the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.
Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his
direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.
As he waited, he prayed, "Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen."
After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw
close. He thought, "Well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one." Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave.
As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.
"Hah, he thought. "What I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor."
As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on. Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while.
"Lord, forgive me," prayed the young man. "I had forgotten that in you a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall."
We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to
forget what God can work in our lives, sometimes in the most
surprising ways. And remember with God, a mere spider's web becomes a brick wall of protection.
The Daffodil Principle
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"
My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."
"Carolyn," I said sternly, "Please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."
After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.
On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958."
For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the
greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .
"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"
My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
Use the Daffodil Principle.
Stop waiting.....
Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
BoredOutOfMyMind
05-12-2007, 01:45 AM
I personally HATE emails like THIS
Abusive Cuteness:thumbsup
You...
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http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f75/BoredOOMM/image001.jpg
....have a GREAT Day!!!
Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..
And never regret anything that made you smile.
Send to all the people you care about and don't want to lose
rgcraig
05-13-2007, 05:12 PM
3900 Saturdays
Here is a story that will make you think…
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings.
Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with
being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded
joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the
first few hours of a Saturday morning are most
enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage
with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the
morning paper in the other. What began as a typical
Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons
that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let
me tell you about it:
I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the
band on my ham radio in order to listen to a
Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came
across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous
signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he
sounded like he should be in the broadcasting
business.. He was telling whom-ever he was talking
with something about "a thousand marbles." I was
intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to
say.
"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with
your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a
shame you have to be away from home and your family
so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have
to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends
meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's
"dance recital" he continued. "Let me tell you
something that has helped me keep my own priorities."
And that's when he began to explain his theory of a
"thousand marbles."
"You see, I sat down one day and did a little
arithmetic. The average person lives about
seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some
live less, but on average, folks live about
seventy-five years.
"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up
with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that
the average person has in their entire lifetime.
Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important
part.
It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think
about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by
that time I had lived through over twenty-eight
hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I
lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a
thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy
store and bought every single marble they had. I
ended up having to visit three toy stores to round
up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them
inside a large, clear plastic container right here
in the shack next to my gear."
"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble
out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the
marbles diminish, I focused more on the really
important things in life.
There is nothing like watching your time here on
this earth run out to help get your priorities
straight."
"Now let me tell you one last thing before I
sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for
breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble
out of the container. I figure that if I make it
until next Saturday then I have been given a little
extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a
little more time."
"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more
time with your family, and I hope to meet you again
here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ,
clear and going QRT, good morning!"
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when
this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot
to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna
that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a
few hams to work on the next club newsletter.
Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a
kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to
breakfast" "What brought this on?" she asked with a
smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long
time since we spent a Saturday together with the
kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while
we're out? I need to buy some marbles.
berkeley
05-13-2007, 05:24 PM
Renda,
I have adult A.D.D. and couldn't read it all!! what's the moral of the story??
rgcraig
05-13-2007, 05:29 PM
Renda,
I have adult A.D.D. and couldn't read it all!! what's the moral of the story??
Don't waste your time working 24/7 - life is too short.
Take time to enjoy your family!
tamor
05-14-2007, 07:38 AM
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday- School ' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."
tamor
05-14-2007, 07:40 AM
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything...Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, and Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
"Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
tamor
05-14-2007, 07:41 AM
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,
"Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers
in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to
eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was
standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on
her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
tamor
05-14-2007, 07:42 AM
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?"
God replied, "Giirrll, I didn't even recognize you."
tamor
05-14-2007, 07:47 AM
Blonde's Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...Helloooo!!...bottles won't fit in printer!!
March - Got locked out of my car in rain storm...car swamped because soft-top was open.
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later that the other swimmers cheated--they used their arms!!
August - Got really excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it??
October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel!
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December - Couldn't call 9-11..."Duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!
What a year!!
tamor
05-14-2007, 12:03 PM
The Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM." Signed, The Blonde.
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
StillStanding
05-14-2007, 12:25 PM
Here is an inspirational email sent to me by a friend who is discussed on this forum:
I Believe
I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that.
I believe- That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe- That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe- That you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe- That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!
I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe- That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
Digging4Truth
05-14-2007, 01:24 PM
I usually don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in my
email, but this one is too important. This one has been circulating for months.
Please, keep it going!
To show your support for Hillary and encourage her on her run for President
of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the rapidly growing list
below and send it on to your entire e-mail list:
1. Bill
2. Chelsea
3.
tamor
05-14-2007, 01:39 PM
I usually don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in my
email, but this one is too important. This one has been circulating for months.
Please, keep it going!
To show your support for Hillary and encourage her on her run for President
of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the rapidly growing list
below and send it on to your entire e-mail list:
1. Bill
2. Chelsea
3.
:ursofunny :ursofunny :ursofunny :killinme :killinme :killinme
Before I was a Mom
Before I was a Mom?
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Spit on.
Chewed on. Pottied on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much love or so much pain before I was a Mom.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
— Author unknown.
Malvaro
05-15-2007, 12:17 PM
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article1784806.ece
218
219
From The Times
May 14, 2007
Mother cat takes seven chicks under her paw
A cat has succeeded in repressing her predatory instincts by adopting seven chicks to rear alongside her own litter of kittens. One-year-old Nimra, from Madaba in Jordan, has been watching over her unusual litter ever since the chicks’ mother died a month ago.
The mixed family, made up of her four newly born kittens and seven adopted chicks, lives in a cardboard box and has seemingly put its differences aside to eat, sleep and play together.
Examples of animals from different species reaching out to each other in times of need are rare but not unhead of. In 2005, a baby hippopotamus formed a bond with a giant century-old male tortoise after the infant nearly died in the tsunami that lashed Kenya. The same year in China, a chihuahua took charge of a newly hatched chick.
berkeley
05-15-2007, 01:22 PM
I usually don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in my
email, but this one is too important. This one has been circulating for months.
Please, keep it going!
To show your support for Hillary and encourage her on her run for President
of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the rapidly growing list
below and send it on to your entire e-mail list:
1. Bill
2. Chelsea
3. Berkeley
:lol
tamor
05-15-2007, 07:25 PM
:lol
Eeew. I know you didn't!! :covereyes
berkeley
05-15-2007, 07:40 PM
Eeew. I know you didn't!! :covereyesj/k... lol
I Will Speak to You in Your Language
by Max Lucado
Pilate wrote a sign and put it on the cross.
It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. John 19:19
The framer of our destiny is familiar with our denseness. God knows we sometimes miss the signs. Maybe that's why he has given us so many. The rainbow after the flood signifies God's covenant. Circumcision identifies God's chosen, and the stars portray the size of his family. Even today, we see signs in the New Testament church. Communion is a sign of his death, and baptism is a sign of our spiritual birth. Each of these signs symbolizes a greater spiritual truth.
The most poignant sign, however, was found on the cross. A trilingual, hand-painted, Roman-commissioned sign.
Every passerby could read the sign, for every passerby could read Hebrew, Latin, or Greek—the three great languages of the ancient world. "Hebrew was the language of Israel, the language of religion; Latin the language of the Romans, the language of law and government; and Greek the language of Greece, the language of culture. Christ was declared king in them all." God had a message for each. "Christ is king." The message was the same, but the languages were different. Since Jesus was a king for all people, the message would be in the tongues of all people.
There is no language God will not speak. Which leads us to a delightful question. What language is he speaking to you? I'm not referring to an idiom or dialect but to the day-to-day drama of your life. God does speak, you know. He speaks to us in whatever language we will understand.
There are times he speaks the "language of abundance." Is your tummy full? Are your bills paid? Got a little jingle in your pocket? Don't be so proud of what you have that you miss what you need to hear.
Are you hearing the "language of need"? Or how about the "language of affliction"? Talk about an idiom we avoid. But you and I both know how clearly God speaks in hospital hallways and sickbeds.
God speaks all languages—including yours. Has he not said, "I will ... teach you in the way you should go" (Ps. 32:8 NIV)? Are we not urged to "receive instruction from His mouth" (Job 22:22 NASB)? What language is God speaking to you?
And aren't you glad he is speaking? Aren't you grateful that he cares enough to talk? Isn't it good to know that "the LORD tells his secrets to those who respect him" (Ps. 25:14)?
Think a word of thanks to him would be appropriate? And while you're at it, ask him if you might be missing any signs he is sending your way.
I found this today while looking for something else-- and decided to put it here too since the thread in the fellowship hall will probably be viewed by very few and quickly get lost. I might need to find this again later. :D
~~~~~~~~
A LIFE THAT MATTERS
Ready or not
Someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises,
no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected,
whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.
Your wealth,
fame and temporal power
will shrivel to irrelevance
It will not matter what you owned
or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations
and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans
and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses
that once seemed so important
will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from
or on what side of the tracks you lived
at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought,
but what you built;
not what you got,
but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success,
but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned,
but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity,
compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others
to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence,
but your character.
What will matter is not how many people youknew,
but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.
What will matter is not your memories,
but the memories that live in those you loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered,
by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by chance.
It's not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
~Michael Josephson
Rhoni
05-19-2007, 07:47 AM
Subject: brain
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye
contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone
wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH
Theresa
05-23-2007, 10:00 AM
To My Daughter or Son
>
>
>
> *Just for this morning, I am going to step
> over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to
> the park to play.
>
> *Just for this morning, I will leave the
>dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put
>that puzzle of yours together.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the
>telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with
>you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will not yell
>once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and
>whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one
>if he comes by.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about
>what you are going to be when you grow up, or second
>guess every decision I have made where you are
>concerned.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will let you help
>me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying
>to fix them.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will take us to
>McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can
>have both toys.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will hold you in my
>arms and tell you a story about how you were born
>and how much I love you.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will let you splash
>in the tub and not get angry.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will let you stay up
>late while we sit on the porch and count all the
>stars.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside
>you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
>
> *Just for this evening when I run my finger
>through your hair as you pray, I will simply be
>grateful that God has given me the greatest gift
>ever given.
>
> *I will think about the mothers and fathers
>who are searching for their missing children, the
>mothers and fathers who are visiting their
>children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and
>mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
>watching their children suffer senselessly, and
>screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
>
> *And when I kiss you good night I will hold
>you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then,
> ;that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for
>nothing, except one more day.............
tamor
05-23-2007, 10:59 AM
Wet Pants!
Come with me to a third grade classroom...
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!" Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out.
All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. “You've done enough, you klutz!" Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
*May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.
Digging4Truth
05-25-2007, 11:49 AM
From a strictly Mathematical Viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you:
L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Falla39
05-29-2007, 09:46 AM
Gods Grace
I did not know His love before,
the way I know it now.
I could not see my need for Him,
my pride would not allow.
I had it all, without a care,
the "self-sufficient" lie.
My path was smooth, my sea was still,
not a cloud was in my sky.
I thought I knew His love for me,
I thought I'd seen His grace,
I thought I did not need to grow,
I thought I'd found my place.
But then the way grew rough and dark,
the storm clouds quickly rolled;
The waves began to rock my ship,
I found I had no hold.
The ship that I had built myself
was made of foolish pride.
It fell apart and left me bare,
with nowhere else to hide
I had no strength or faith to face
the trials that lay ahead,
And so I simply spoke His name
and bowed my weary head.
His loving arms enveloped me,
and then He helped me stand.
He said, "You still must face this storm,
but I will hold your hand."
So through the dark and lonely night
He guided me through pain.
I could not see the light of day
or when I'd smile again.
Yet through the pain and endless tears,
my faith began to grow.
I could not see it at the time,
but my light began to glow.
I saw God's love in a brand new light,
His grace and mercy, too.
For only when all self was gone
could Jesus' love shine through.
It was not easy in the storm,
I sometimes wondered why.
At times I thought,"I can't go on."
I'd hurt, and doubt, and cry.
But God never left my side
He guided me each day.
Through pain and strife,
through fire and flood,
He helped me all the way.
And now I see as never before
how great His love can be
How in my weakness He is strong,
how God cares for me!
He worked it all out for my good,
although the way was rough.
He only sent what I could bear,
and then He said,"Enough!"
He raised His hand and said, "Be still!"
He made the storm clouds cease.
He opened up the gates of joy
and flooded me with peace.
I saw His face now clearer still,
I felt His presence strong,
I found anew His faithfulness,
He never did me wrong.
And now I know more storms will come,
but only for my good,
For pain and tears have helped me grow
as nothing ever could.
I still have so much
more to learn
as God works in me;
If in the storm I'll love Him more,
that's where I want to be!
Author Unknown
Rhoni
06-09-2007, 12:22 PM
You know you're Pentecostal when....
1): The amount of money you spend on hairspray exceeds your gas bill.
2): Your pastor announces midweek services EVERY Sunday night, and
Sunday service[s] EVERY Wednesday night.
3): You [or the ladies you know] can swim in a denim skirt and still
have fun.
4): It takes longer to TAKE prayer requests than it does to pray for
them.
5): You run into more than half of the church members on one trip to Wal-Mart.
6): The musicians at your church can tear it up, but non of them can
read sheet music.
7): You have 50 pairs of church shoes.
: You're adept at stopping runs in stockings with just about anything.
9): You're considered an old maid if you're not married by age 18.
10): Running the aisles and jumping up and down is your exercise.
11): You could be an Olympic kickball player with all the practice
from church functions.
12): A birthday party is a night on the town.
13): Your white choir moves like Kirk Franklin's group.
14): The pastor says, "With this thought I close," more than three
times each service.
15): You have adequate respect for the power of flying hairpins.
16): Your feet have been stomped on at least 3 times during a service.
17): A run in your last pair of stockings is a national disaster.
1: You judge a church service by swollen eyes, rumpled clothes, and
disheveled hair.
19): Your kids know how to eat any crunchy thing quietly and could sleep on a hard bench through a tornado.
20): When shopping for shirts, you always run it through the "Praise
the Lord," test.
21): Sunday and Wednesday mean no cooking or dishes.
22): You can maneuver into a vehicle without messing up your hairdo.
23): Celebrating your 21st birthday doesn't mean much.
24): The employees at Wnedys and BYB know you by name.
25): You can always find hairpins on the floor after a good service.
26): You can pronounce, "Habakkuk".
27): Mondays and Thursdays are the hardest days to wake up in the
morning.
2: Your day of rest includes 2 church services, choir practice, and
Golden Corral.
29): The kids you know think shot glasses are for playing communion.
30): Growing up you baptize your cousins and siblings several times in
the swimming pool.
31): Your 2 year-old runs through Wal-Mart shouting, "Praise the Lord!
Eb shamma dabba yamma yabba dooba! *clap *clap* clap* Yes, Lord! Yes,
Lord! Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah!"
32): The only thing longer than your prayer list is the hair of the
ladies you know.
tamor
06-12-2007, 11:06 AM
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helloooo .... It's been a year! - I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he feels like an idiot.
berkeley
06-12-2007, 03:36 PM
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helloooo .... It's been a year! - I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he feels like an idiot.
:killinme
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.
Pressing-On
06-23-2007, 08:48 AM
That was good, Tina!
I got this in my email a while back, and never had a reason to try this until last night. Michael had a horrible cough that was caused by his allergies/sinus drainage in the back of his throat. I tried this for him, and it WORKED. Not only did it take care of the cough last night, but he hasn't had any more sinus drainage today due to his allergies. I think it just cleared it all up completely!!
So now, I'm sharing. Hope it works as well for anyone else that needs to use it. :)
Here's the email I received-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vicks Vaporub?
WOW!!
I was raised and raised my kids with Vicks..how come I
never knew this..can't wait for my next cough...amazing!!!!??
READ IT ALL
a believer in Vicks Vaporub!
Sorry, no graphic for this one, and don't laugh, it
works 100% of the time although the scientists at the Canada
Research council (who discovered it) aren't sure why.
To stop nighttime coughing in a child (or adult as we found out
personally), put Vicks Vaporub generously on the bottom of the feet
at bedtime, then cover with socks.
Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stopin about 5 minutes
and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief.?
Works 100% of the time and is more effective in
children than even very strong prescription cough medicines.??
In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will
sleep soundly.?
I heard the head of the Canada Research Council describe these
findings on the part of their scientists when they were investigating
the effectiveness and usage of prescription cough medicines in children
as compared to alternative therapies like accupressure.
Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened.
It was a surprising finding and found to be more effective than
prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, and in
addition, to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who
then went on to sleep soundly.
My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and
persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%!
She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, ( incredibly
annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough free
for hours every night that she used it.
So, if you have Children or Grandchildren, pass it on, if you end up sick,
try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed by the effect.
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby1.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby2.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby3.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby4.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby5.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby6.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby7.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby8.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby9.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby10.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby11.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby12.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby13.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby14.jpg
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby15.jpg
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http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/baby17.jpg
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Politically incorrect.................but FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
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Someone Who Understands
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
Therefore, it was necessary for Jesus to be in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. He then could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and temptation, he is able to help us when we are being tempted.—Hebrews 2:17-18 NLT
The story (author unknown) is told of a farmer who had some puppies he needed to sell. He made a sign advertising the pups and posted it in his yard. Shortly after, a boy showed up in response to the sign. “Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.” “Well,” said the farmer, “these puppies cost a good deal of money.” The boy reached deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. “I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?” “Sure,” said the farmer. The farmer whistled and called,”Here Dolly!” From the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little pups. The little boy’s eyes danced with delight. As the dogs approached, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little pup appeared, but this one was considerably smaller. The little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up. “I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, “Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.” The little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and rolled up one leg of his pants revealing a steel brace running down both sides of his leg. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "Mister, I don't run too well myself, and that puppy needs someone who understands.”
Not one of us is perfect. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. Some are more visible than others, but we all have them. Fortunately, like the boy who chooses the pup, we have a Savior who knows and understands our feelings and our weaknesses and still chooses us to be His friends and children! And, in response, he wants us to demonstrate our love to one another!
If you are one who struggles with your own flaws and shortcomings, today, take comfort in the knowledge of God’s love for you and then, share that love with someone else! Remember, the world is full of hurting people that are looking to connect with others who understand.
God Does His Best work in Caves
This devotional was written by Robin Dugall
David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam—
1 Samuel 22:1
Discouragement is a common emotion to us and is one of the great enemies of the Christ-following experience. It is an enemy of personal drive and vision. It is a cancer that will pull enthusiasm and joy right out of you. But it is also a test, because how you respond to discouragement when things are not going well is one of the most important challenges that you will ever face as a person who loves and follows Jesus.
During the reign of King Saul, a prophet of God, Samuel, anointed young David as king. Even before he served as king, the people of the kingdom immediately fell in love with David. Everything he touched turned to gold. He was victorious over one of Israel’s most feared enemies, Goliath. When King Saul struggled with emotional issues, David was there to comfort him. If there was ever a guy who was on a roll, it was David. It appeared that nothing could go wrong for him. Then, one by one, the tables turned. Look over this litany of loss on David’s part:
He lost his job. He went from shepherd boy to acclaimed warrior to fugitive.
He lost his popularity, status and income.
He lost his wife when King Saul gave her to another man.
He lost his mentor when Samuel died.
He lost his best friend Jonathan.
He lost his home. The Bible tells us that he eventually ran to Gath, the land of Israel’s enemies.
After all that David went through, he ended up in the cave of Adullam. He expected a palace but got a cave! Devastating!
Does a cave sound like a place you’ve visited before? The Cave is where you go when all the props, crutches, and all that hold you up gives way; when suddenly, things don’t work out as you’ve envisioned. Maybe you’ve lost a job, financial security, spouse, dream of family life, mentor, friend or health. We’ve all been there. The truth is, sooner or later, everybody logs some serious time in The Cave.
But, The Cave is where God does some of His best work. God molds and shapes us in The Cave like nowhere else. When you end up in The Cave, I encourage you to welcome it. Why? Because when all you’ve got is God, you quickly come to the realization, that He is enough. Mother Teresa once said, “You’ll never know Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you’ve got.” He is able to transform discouragement into encouragement. He transforms fear into confidence. He is able to bring new life out of the most desperate of circumstances. Are you in The Cave? Look for Jesus!
Paul Harvey Writes:
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy/girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
The Rain~Thomas Kinkade
One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick.
Suddenly my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain!" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond. "That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked...
"Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"
Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Theresa
08-02-2007, 12:50 PM
WET PANTS
Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer,
"Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now!
Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.
As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water.
Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful.
But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!"
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good..
Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must
have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image
of innocence.
It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.
We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up
their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in
the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of
the world.
Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in
as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mom let's run through the rain," she said.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Lets run through the rain!" She repeated.
"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated:
"Mom, let's run through the rain,"
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.
"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the
young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not
get wet?
"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his
cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us
through anything!"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear
anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in
the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.
Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even
ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young
child's life.
A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD
let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.
Then off they ran.
We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles.
They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked.
But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions,
they can take away your money, and they can take away your health.
But no one can ever take away your precious memories...
So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.
Sign of the times?
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
"You've got Male!"
New Office Policy
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2007
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
Those who are found to be non-compliant with The
New Company Policy will be placed on the Special High
Intensity Training List to resolve the
non-compliance issues and will be subject to a semi-annual
review.
The Management
ONE LINERS~
Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case."
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church If...
... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em
... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
.. opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday
... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
... Baptism is referred to as "branding".
... high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy
... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"
The Puppy
A couple decides that they want to get a dog. As they are walking down the street in town, they notice that a sign in the pet shop is advertising "Christian Puppies." Their interest piqued, they go inside.
"How do you know they're Christian puppies?"
"Watch," says the owner, as he takes one of the dogs and says, "Fetch the Bible." The dog runs over to the desk, and grabs the Bible in its mouth and returns. Putting the Bible on the floor, the owner says, "Find Psalm 23." The dog flips pages with its paw until he reaches the right page, and then stops. Amazed and delighted, the couple purchase the dog and head home.
That evening, they invite some friends over and show them the dog, having him run through his Psalm 23 routine. Impressed, one of the visitors asks "Does he also know 'regular' commands?"
"Gee, we don't know. We didn't ask," replies the husband.
Turning to the dog, he says, "Sit." The dog sits. He says, "Lie down." The dog lies down. He says "Roll over." The dog rolls over.
He says "Heel." The dog runs over to him, jumps up on the sofa, puts both paws on the owner's forehead and bows his head.
The Mule, the Monkey & The Man
God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
The dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years."
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.
And it is so ...
Jesus and the Redneck
An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"
The waitress once more allowed as how it certainly was, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "on my bill."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me.....I'm drawin' disability!"
Long Sermon
The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this
particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.
Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved
out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so
invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."
The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the
man add, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!"
tamor
09-05-2007, 08:26 AM
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut a hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " IS THAT YOU LORD? "
The voice replied, "NO..... THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.
Fellowship: A Necessary Ingredient
This devotional was written by Jim Burns
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
—Hebrews 10:24, 25
The Bible calls the church "the bride of Christ…" God loves the church even with all of her inconsistencies. I honestly believe that you cannot be all God intends you to be without experiencing the intimate fellowship that the church has to offer. The church is not a place for you to come, sit, and be entertained. You are a part of the church. You have a job. The church is like a lifesaving station, and this story helps me get a better perspective of what the church of Jesus Christ is all about and what my role in the church should be. On a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur there was once a crude little lifesaving station. The building was just a hut, and there was only one boat, but the few devoted members kept a constant watch over the sea, and with no thought for themselves, went out day and night tirelessly searching for the lost. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding area, wanted to become associated with the station and give of their time and money and effort for the support of its work. New boats were bought and new crews trained. The little lifesaving station grew.
Some of the members of the lifesaving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those saved from the sea. They replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in the enlarged building. Now the lifesaving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they decorated it beautifully and furnished it exquisitely, because they used it as a sort of club. Fewer members were now interested in going to sea on lifesaving missions, so they hired lifeboat crews to do this work. The lifesaving motif still prevailed in this club's decoration, and there was a liturgical lifeboat in the room where the club initiations were held.
About this time a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boatloads of cold, wet, and half drowned people. They were dirty and sick. The beautiful new club was in chaos. So the property committee immediately had a shower house built outside the club where victims of shipwreck could be cleaned up before coming inside.
At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club's lifesaving activities as being unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal social life of the club. Some members insisted upon lifesaving as their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a lifesaving station. But they were finally voted down and told that if they wanted to save lives of all the various kinds of people who were shipwrecked in those waters, they could begin their own lifesaving station down the coast. They did.
As the years went by, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old. It evolved into a club, and yet another lifesaving station was founded. History continued to repeat itself, and if you visit that seacoast today, you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore. Shipwrecks are frequent in those waters, but most of the people drown.*
tamor
09-12-2007, 06:34 AM
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.
:killinme:killinme:killinme
Stupid People....
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I
Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back ..
same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a
little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free"
She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one
of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked Up at the
sky and said, "Where"?
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't
want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the
sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun
rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head
and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern
or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went
to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces."
Yep, They Walk Among Us!
and they Reproduce,
and .......they Vote!
What Business Are You In - Construction or Demolition?
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.—Proverbs 18:21 NLT
Recently, I saw the video of an old stadium somewhere being demolished. It was the kind of demolition where a team of experts strategically place explosives and set them off in a quick series of explosions. The stadium collapses on itself in a matter of seconds. I’m sure you’ve seen video of buildings being destroyed in this way. It is pretty amazing that it takes only a moment to destroy what took months or years to plan and build.
These video scenes reminded me that people’s words have the ability to build or destroy. By the use of our words we can either be in the “construction” or “demolition” business. With our words, we can build up other people over a lifetime. Or, in a moment – using strategically placed verbal explosions – we can destroy others.
My wife works in a high-rise building in downtown Seattle called the Washington Mutual Tower. Some high-rise buildings are rather plain and unimpressive. Not this building. When I look at that building, I think about the careful planning that went into the design and how it took the patient and hard work of human hands to create one of the most recognizable buildings of the Seattle skyline. Although I’m not an expert on building architecture, I have to say this building is beautiful.
Obviously, God calls His people to be in the “construction” business. With careful planning, patience and intentional hard work, each of us has the opportunity through our words to encourage and build up others so that they can fulfill the potential of becoming all that God has designed them to be. The result is a person of inner quality and beauty.
So, which business are you in: construction or demolition? The words you use with others will reflect your choice.
1. Open a new file on the desktop of your PC .
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly ...
7. Feel better?
:winkgrin
BoredOutOfMyMind
09-19-2007, 05:45 AM
Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've
used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it
was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even
better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine
on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring
husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and
generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led
to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new
white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach
alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the
stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the
detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and
said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the
disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without
being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having
a great product.
Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.
tamor
09-19-2007, 04:39 PM
Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the
disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.
LOL!! I've read this before, but it's a keeper. I love it!!
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
AmazingGrace
09-24-2007, 11:51 AM
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
:killinme:killinme:killinme:killinme
HADDOCK
09-24-2007, 12:16 PM
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
HADDOCK
09-24-2007, 12:19 PM
Shake It Off
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
tamor
09-24-2007, 01:32 PM
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really ticked.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
BBBWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Who Are You Attached To?
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
—Hebrews 12:1-3
In college, a group of us decided we would go sky diving. All we needed to do was show up in the morning, sign a stack of paperwork accepting responsibility for our actions, watch a 30-minute instructional video, go through a few safety rules with an instructor, and, we would be up in the air and jumping out of a plane within an hour.
Everything went as planned, and by the early afternoon, I was in a plane with a professional sky diver attached to me like a backpack. It is called a tandem jump. Our turn came and out of the plane we went. It was amazing. Never have I had a better view of the Rocky Mountains or a better flight. As we plummeted towards the ground, the time came to pull the parachute. The rip chord was pulled and we immediately went from falling fast to floating slowly to our landing.
There are times in our lives when we start feeling out of control, plummeting quicker and quicker into sin, temptation and trouble. The key is, when you get out of control in your life, make sure you have others around you who can pull your rip chord. It can be hard sometimes to see the red flags in our own lives. In the Old Testament, the Lord sent judges to remind the people to turn from their evil ways. In the New Testament, Jesus comes and tells us to slow down and focus on what is real and important. He then trains His disciples to share His message with the rest of the world. What a gift the Lord gave us in putting other people in our lives who can not only walk with us, but guide us.
Who are you attached to? When you start falling, do you have people around you who can help slow you down and pick you up? Or do you have people in your life who simply aid you in falling further and faster until you hit rock bottom? Your choice of who accompanies you in life’s journey can make all the difference in the world!
Planting Seeds
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop -- a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."—Matthew 13:3-8
During the summer, I spoke at a camp at which I have been both a camper and a staff member. Upon arrival, I was greeted by some old faces, one of which was a squirrelly 6th grader who was now going to be a sophomore in high school. One afternoon, a group of us were reminiscing about past years at camp when this young man mentioned that he remembered something I had said at a seminar four years prior. Expecting him to say something sarcastic, I asked him what it was. “You told a story about getting cut from a team and someone told you, ‘It is not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back up that matters.’ I’ll never forget that,” he said.
Rarely in our lives do we get an opportunity to know how we have affected another. I felt so encouraged to know that someone was actually paying attention four years before! But mostly, it was a reminder to me. Each one of us has the ability to plant seeds. We have the ability to plant positive seeds that can bear fruit for the kingdom and negative seeds that can crush spirits. There are times that I am sure I have missed opportunities, but this was a great reminder that you never know who is really listening.
Each one of us is an example to others around us and, as such, we must be conscious of what type of seeds we are planting. More often than not, you will not know whether you have affected someone positively or negatively or at all. We should never do anything looking for awards, praise or accolades. But as Tim encouraged me, I know it is my place now to encourage someone else: The person who originally shared that quote with me ten years ago.
Today, remember those people who have made a difference in your life. If possible, thank them for the legacy they have handed down to you.
You know, you get things in your email sometimes that you wonder if they really happened. As I was reading this, I laughed till I had tears rolling down my face. This is just so believable... to anyone who's a MOM... :D
~~~~
Potty Stop
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does
it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.
People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a
just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the
volume. It's always fully cranked.
There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning
of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice,
but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom.
If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on
the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy,
what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we
could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh .. Mommy! I'm trying to see
in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna
get some candy!"
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting.
Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and
see if you can find some candy We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to
see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh
oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me
frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.
Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door.
"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What
were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy."
He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your
hands? I want to go out!!"
I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my
dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while
he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
AmazingGrace
10-02-2007, 06:58 AM
OH MY LORD!!! How totally embarrassing but funny! LOVE IT!!!!
The email that I received this in wouldn't let me copy the calendar page, it would only let me take the text from the email.
Prayer Calendar
1
SALVATION
Lord, I pray that I will obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.
2 Timothy 2:10
2
GOD'S GRACE
I pray that I may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 3:18
3
LOVE
Father, grant that I will learn to live a life of love, through the Spirit who lives in me.
Ephesians 5:2
4
INTEGRITY
Lord, may integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in you.
Psalm 25:21
5
SELF-CONTROL
Father, help me not be like many others, but to be alert and self-controlled in all they do.
1 Thessalonians 5:6
6
LOVE FOR GOD'S WORD
Lord, may I regard your Word as more precious than gold and sweeter than honey.
Psalm 19:10
7
JUSTICE
God, help me to love justice as You do and act justly in all I do.
Psalm 11:7 & Micah 6:8
8
MERCY
Oh Father, grant that I would be full of mercy and compassion as you are, Lord.
James 5:11
9
RESPECT
Lord, help me to show proper respect to everyone, as your Word commands.
1 Peter 2:17
10
SELF-ESTEEM
God, help me develop a strong self-esteem rooted in the realization that I am Your workmanship.
Ephesians 2:10
11
FAITHFULNESS
Let faithfulness never leave me, but bind this virtue around my neck.
Proverbs 3:3
12
COURAGE
Lord, may I always be strong and courageous in my character and my actions.
Deuteronomy 31:6
13
PURITY
Create in me pure hearts, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in my life.
Psalm 51:10
14
KINDNESS
Father, I pray that I would be kind to others and good to everyone.
1 Thessalonians 5:15
15
GENEROSITY
Lord, I pray I will be rich in good deeds, generous and willing to share.
1 Timothy 6:18
16
PEACE LOVING
Father God, help me make every effort to do what leads to peace.
Romans 14:19
17
JOY
Heavenly Father, grant that I will be filled with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 1:6
18
PERSEVERANCE
Lord, teach me to persevere in all I do, and help me to run with perseverance the race set before me.
Hebrews 12:1
19
HUMILITY
God, please cultivate in me the ability to show true humility toward all.
Titus 3:2
20
COMPASSION
Holy Father, I pray that You would clothe me with the virtue of compassion.
Colossians 3:12
21
RESPONSIBILITY
Lord grant that I would learn to be responsible, for each one of us should carry his own load.
Galatians 6:5
22
CONTENTMENT
Father, teach me the secret of being content in every situation, through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:12-13
23
FAITH
Lord, help me to fight the good fight of faith, taking hold of the eternal life to which I am called.
1 Timothy 6:12
24
A SERVANT'S HEART
God, help me develop a servant heart, that I may serve wholeheartedly.
Ephesians 6:7
25
HOPE
God of hope, grant that I may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
26
PATIENCE
God, strengthen me with all power, so that I may have great endurance and patience.
Galatians 5:22
27
PASSION FOR THE LORD
Lord, I pray my soul would pant for you as the deer pants for streams of water.
Psalm 42:1
28
WISDOM
Father, I pray I would ask and that you would generously give wisdom to me as you promise.
James 1:5
29
PRAYERFULNESS
I ask that I will be committed to prayer, and not faint, lose heart or give up.
Luke 18:1
30
GRATITUDE
Lord, help me to live a life that over-flow with thankfulness, always giving thanks to You.
Ephesians 5:20
31
BOLDNESS
I pray that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel of Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 6:19 Prayer Changes Things!
To all fellow Mommy's this will make you think! Always remember to show loved ones that you do care and love them!
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her
House, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat
On. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
Wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go
Out with my son, and they were impressed," she said,as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear
About our meeting."
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only real large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you" I agreed.
"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
Plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."
~~~
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct .... Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
Somebody said being a mother is boring .... Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"....somebody thinks a child comes with
Directions and a guarantee.
Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices ... Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.... Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.
Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... Somebody doesn't have two children.
Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten ... or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."
Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ...Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....somebody never had grandchildren.
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... somebody isn't a mother.
Pass this along to all the "mothers" in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a mother; it's about appreciating the people in your life while you have them....no matter who that person is.
The Potter's Wheel
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder
So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: “O, house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “ Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand…”
—Jeremiah 18: 3-6
I like to get my hands messy. Maybe that’s what led me into ceramics class in college. As the only one in the class who wasn’t an art major, I was well out of my comfort zone. Throughout the semester, we learned about types of clay, textures and techniques. But what I really wanted to do was use the potter’s wheel. Our instructor made it look so easy. Sit down at the wheel, roll up your sleeves, throw down your prepared clay, get it wet, start the wheel, press the clay, and create a cool-looking bowl, jar, plate or whatever you wanted! Then, it was my turn. I went to the wheel and threw the clay on it… but missed. It hit the floor. I tried again. This time I hit the wheel. Success! Now I had to shape the clay into a “hockey puck” that was completely even and centered on the wheel. Hours later, I was frazzled. My back hurt from being hunched over the wheel, my shoulder was sore from throwing the clay, my fingers were cramped from kneading the clay and my wrists seemed frozen in place from pressing hard enough to make a “hockey puck.” It took me the rest of the semester to create something – anything – worth taking home.
Creating a masterpiece takes time. It takes patience, creativity, vision and forethought. That’s how God described His role in Jeremiah’s life. God is the potter, Jeremiah (and we) are the clay. Isaiah 45:9 states, “Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’” and Isaiah 64: 8 reads, “Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”
So often, we want to be control, telling God what we want Him to do in our lives, how we want Him to answer a specific prayer or how we want Him to work something out. But who are we to tell our Creator what to do or how to answer a prayer or how to respond to a request? Like Jeremiah, our role is to be the clay. This means we are to patiently undergo the processes of preparation, centering, shaping, and refining at the will of our Creator, and not the other way around.
Find Favor in God's Eyes
Today's devotional is written by Emilie Barnes
Scripture Reading Genesis 6:8-22
Key Verse: Genesis 6:8; 22.
Noah Found Favor in the eyes of the Lord..... Noah did everything just as God commanded him.
~~
Almost every day we can read newspaper articles dealing with people who are being honored by the world:
-government
-sports
-medicine
-education
-theater
-music
On and on we can go. Man finding favor with man. Have you ever thought about how much richer it would be to have God find favor with you? I stand in awe when I think of God finding favor in me, but He does. Only through His marvelous grace are we able to come to Him face-to-face.
Noah lived in a world much like today, a world full of sin. Man hasn't changed much over the centuries---we just give sin a different name. Yet through all this wickedness, Noah was a person who lived a godly life. His life was pleasing to God even during those evil days.
Noah didn't find favor because of his individual goodness but through his personal faith in God. We are also judged according to the same standard-- that of our personal faith and obedience. My daily prayer is that my family and I will be worthy of the goodness God so richly bestows upon us.
Even though Noah was upright and blameless before God, he wasn't perfect. God recognized that Noah's life reflected a genuine faith, not always a perfect faith. Do we sometimes feel all alone in our walk with God? Noah walked in greater deprivation than we, yet he still walked with God. Noah found that it wasn't the surroundings of his life that kept him in close fellowship with God, but it was the heart of Noah that qualified him to find friendship with God.
How often do we try to find favor with man only to fall on our face in rejection? Noah only wanted to please God. Have you ever asked in that still small voice of yours, "Do I find favor in the eyes of the Lord?" When we come to him and admit we are sinners, we please God. At that time we find God's grace, and we are able to move into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Then we are able to find favor with God.
As we live in this very difficult time of world history, we might ask, "Do I find favor in God's sight?" God gives us grace to live victoriously: "He gives us more grace" (James 4:6)
Labels
This devotional was written by Mike DeVries
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” [Jesus asked]. The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”—Luke 10:36-37
It was an early Wednesday morning as I headed over for a little reading at my "low-rent office" (also known as Starbucks). I got my coffee and settled into one of those big cushy chairs they have there, ready to study a Bible commentary and prepare for a future teaching series at our church. As I started into the first page, a voice came from the chair next to me...
"So, is that like a commentary on the book of Mark?"
“Yeah, it is,” I said.
Then came an interesting question.
"Is it a conservative commentary, or one of those... ?"
"It depends on what it's compared to, I guess." I replied.
I've been thinking lately about the way in which we label certain things. We seem to have a label for everything; people appear to have a desire to define or label just about anything. These labels are used to identify and categorize things. Labeling helps us to make sense of a confusing world. But labeling also has another, often darker, side.
Through labeling, we assign value. Once we have labeled something, we feel comfortable again having categorized it (rightly or wrongly) and assigned it a place within our worldview. Once we’ve labeled it, no more discussion is needed. It is what it is.
Labels, however, can shortcut the needed work of wrestling with the issues of our time. And, they can be especially destructive when used within issues of faith, because we can easily become convinced that “our labels” also carry with them the sanction of God. We are on shaky ground when we casually or arbitrarily label ideas, questions, or even people as "liberal,” “conservative,” "bad,” “good,” "dangerous,” “biblical,” “un-biblical,” “in” or "out".
When we look at the life of Jesus, we see He lived in a day that was filled with labels. Religious leaders had clearly defined labels about people. There were those who were "in" and those who were "out." The gospels are filled with moments where people assigned labels to Jesus. Yet, He somehow stood outside them, above them. He lived a life that transcended labels. Jesus came to explode the kind of thinking that imprisons people in a world of labels and categories. He came to live in a way that offered inherent dignity to all - a life of love and compassion and generosity.
For Jesus, apparently labels never had the final word on the value of a person. He did.
In all things, our goal should be to pursue following Jesus and stand for what is true, right and good (as defined by Him!). We are to stand for justice and peace in this world. Today, let’s be careful in what and whom we label. We are not the ones to have the last word, Jesus is. And with Him, all things are possible.
No Matter What We Feel
This devotional was written by Robin Dugall
I'm the man who has seen trouble, trouble coming from the lash of God's anger. He took me by the hand and walked me into pitch-black darkness. Yes, he's given me the back of his hand over and over and over again. He turned me into a scarecrow of skin and bones then broke the bones. He hemmed me in, ganged up on me, poured on the trouble and hard times. He locked me up in deep darkness, like a corpse nailed inside a coffin.—Lamentations 3:1-6 (MSG)
In today’s Scripture passage, we read that Jeremiah (the author of Lamentations) feels broken and destroyed by God’s angry hand. To us, though we have all probably felt the same way at one time or another, it likely feels a little wrong -- even sinful -- to actually blame God. Still, in this instance, Jeremiah is unashamed to come before God and tell Him exactly how he feels:
Abandoned. Rejected. Alone. Grief. Loss. Abused. Angry. Frustrated. Bitter. Apathetic. Hopeless. Dirty. Depressed. Betrayed. Vengeful. Let down. Heartbroken. Enslaved. Pained. Ugly. Judged. Lost. Afraid.
Perhaps you are experiencing one of these emotions right now. Jeremiah provides us an important reminder that God isn’t intimidated or surprised when we come to Him with our hurting hearts. As followers of Jesus, we get used to putting on a happy face and skipping the natural processes of coping and dealing with our hurts. Remembering that God made our emotions and has experienced each one Himself can help us get through difficult situations. Knowing that our Creator can relate to our experiences reassures us that we are not alone. Further, Jesus tells us that we are blessed when we are going though sadness or mourning:
You’re blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. Matthew 5:3 (MSG)
God can fearlessly handle the tears, the screaming, and the groaning from our hearts. He’s big enough, He loves us, and He doesn’t let us go. The times when we are distressed, He comes the closest. He uses our difficult circumstances to grow and change our hearts and lives. In tough times, God gives us opportunities to see how big He really is. If we look closely in the midst of troubles, we can see that God is not finished writing our story. He’s not done with us yet. He’s using our circumstances to recreate our lives to make us stronger, deeper and more reliant upon Him.
tamor
10-16-2007, 10:30 AM
A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.
So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and w ere likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."
The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.
The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"
Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times a s many bibles as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister ! agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-he re and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"
tamor
10-17-2007, 10:29 AM
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'
Sally said , 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
'Pardon me, but did either of you f ind a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'
Sally said, 'No.'
Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'
Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning'
Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . '
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.'
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not some one just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the Mom's and Dad's you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated.
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use
string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
beer? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof
ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dad s are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause
that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of
that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it
and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of
her head.
The Sandpiper
by Robert Peterson
She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live.
I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world
begins to close in on me. She was building a sand castle or something
and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.
"Hello," she said.
I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child
"I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."
That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes.
A sandpiper glided by.
"That's a joy," the child said.
"It's a what?"
"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."
The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself,
hello pain, and turned to walk on I was depressed, my life seemed
completely out of balance.
"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.
"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."
"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."
"Hi, Wendy."
She giggled. "You're funny," she said.
In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on.
Her musical giggle followed me.
"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."
The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings,
and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out
of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was
chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?"
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.
"I don't know. You say."
"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.
The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is."
"Then let's just walk."
Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face.
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.
Strange, I thought, in winter.
"Where do you go to school?"
"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation"
She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was
on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day.
Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.
Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no
mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt
like demanding she keep her child at home.
"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd
rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.
"Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought,
My God, why was I saying this to a little child?
"Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day."
"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!"
"Did it hurt?" she inquired.
"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.
"When she died?"
"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding,
wrapped up in myself. I strode off.
A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there.
Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up
to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking
young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.
"Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today
and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much.
I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance,
please, accept my apologies."
"Not at all --! she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing
that I meant what I had just said.
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia
Maybe she didn't tell you."
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.
"She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no.
She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days.
But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice faltered, "She left
something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?"
I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young
woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold
childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach,
a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:
A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love
opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together. The precious little
picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words -- one for each year
of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love.
A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand
-- who taught me the gift of love.
Timekilling game
Can you save at least 50%?
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g2/applegame.htm
LOST:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
__________________________________________________ _________
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
__________________________________________________ _________
OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
__________________________________________________ _________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
Herman replied, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
__________________________________________________ _________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving ?"
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
This devotional was written by Jim Burns
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.—1 John 3:18
Your actions will speak much louder than any words you will ever say. When you call yourself a Christian you are opening your life up for inspection, and your life becomes an active witness for Jesus Christ. The positive news is that people will respond to your good deeds and thoughtful acts of caring. In fact, people will want to know more about the Savior you love, as your deeds prove to them that your faith is more walk than talk. Here's a story with an important message:
Shortly after World War II came to a close, Europe began picking up the pieces. Much of the Old Country had been ravaged by war and was in ruins. Perhaps the saddest sight of all was that of little orphaned children starving in the streets of those war-torn cities.
Early one chilly morning an American soldier was making his way back to the barracks in London. As he turned the corner in his jeep, he spotted a little lad with his nose pressed to the window of a pastry shop. Inside the cook was kneading dough for a fresh batch of doughnuts. The hungry boy stared in silence, watching every move. The soldier pulled his jeep to the curb, stopped, got out, and walked quietly over to where the little fellow was standing. Through the steamed-up window he could see the mouth-watering morsels as they were being pulled from the oven, piping hot. The boy salivated and released a slight groan as he watched the cook place them onto the glass-enclosed counter ever so carefully.
The soldier's heart went out to the nameless orphan as he stood beside him. "Son...would you like some of those?" The boy was startled.
"Oh, yeah...I would!"
The American stepped inside and bought a dozen, put them in a bag, and walked back to where the lad was standing in the foggy cold of the London morning. He smiled, held out the bag, and said simply: "Here you are." As he turned to walk away he felt a tug on his coat. He looked back and heard the child ask quietly:
"Mister. . . are you God?"
We are never more like God than when we give.
"God so loved the world, that He gave. . ." *
Cheap redneck Home security system:
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's work boots size 14-16 (used).
2. Place them on front porch, along with a copy of Gun and Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Hay Bubba,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and me gone for more ammunition; wel be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls-- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all of the dogs in the house. Better just wait outside til we can get back."
Truthseeker
11-14-2007, 02:33 PM
Good ole boys. By Equal
Two good ole boys in a Dixie County, Florida
trailer park were sitting around talking one
afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the 1st
guy says to 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your
trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you
was off hunting and she got pregnant and had a baby,
would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute
scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking
real hard about the question. Finally, he says,
"Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
scotty
11-15-2007, 09:38 AM
Post 141 !!!
ROFL !!!! :ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny
:uhoh:uhohGonna be us one day:uhoh:uhoh
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
*If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
*If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
*If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
*If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.
*If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
*If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will Tell you which number to press.
*If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
*If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
*If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the Beep.
*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
*If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
*If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
*If you are blonde, don't press any buttons,you'll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
Well, my job is done .....Your turn!
AmazingGrace
11-17-2007, 08:13 AM
I know you did NOT just call all of us unstable??!?!?!?
:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny
I know you did NOT just call all of us unstable??!?!?!?
:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny
:oops
I couldn't resist. My sister sent it to me... :D
AmazingGrace
11-17-2007, 08:33 AM
:oops
I couldn't resist. My sister sent it to me... :D
Too funny!
A man came home from work and found his three children outside,
still In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and
wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house, and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding Into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp
had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and
the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In
the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the
counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles
of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or
that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle
of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside
he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared
over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in
the bed In her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
Muscle Building
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.—James 1:2-4
Did you know that in order for muscles to get stronger, they first have to be weakened? If you have ever experienced sore muscles after a day of exercising or work, you’ve experienced this process. The muscle fibers tear down and then build themselves back up in order to be stronger than they were before. The spiritual life so often works the same way. To get stronger we must first get weaker.
In his letter, James encourages believers to not be discouraged by the setbacks of struggles and trouble. He admits that difficulties will come “whenever you face trials.” Notice he said whenever, not if. Although he does not tell us to smile our way through these struggles, he challenges us to look at them as an opportunity for joy and an opportunity for growth. In this instance, instead of building a physical muscle, James is showing how the Lord uses trials to help us build emotional and spiritual muscles in our lives. Experiences that bring distress and trial so often make us stronger in the long run.
James calls us to turn our struggles into times of reflection and learning, allowing them to teach us. It is through these struggles that we mature in our faith and are able to show our true colors. I had a friend once tell me to be careful of what you ask for when you pray. She said, “I prayed for patience, and suddenly I found myself in a lot of situations requiring me to be patient.” What we see as times of trial and challenge, God uses in our lives, providing opportunities to help us develop character and the fruit of the Spirit.
Building godly character is not often easy. The road will be marked with struggle. It is simply a part of the Christian journey. The great news is, you have the promise and hope that the Lord is walking with you the entire time. He will not leave you on your own to handle things by yourself. He is walking with you, guiding you, strengthening you and helping you build character and perseverance so you can remain strong.
Cindy
12-28-2007, 08:22 PM
Great post. I needed that. Thank you Sis. Tina
God uses willing vessels, not overflowing vessels. In order to fulfill His plans for the earth, throughout the Bible God used many people from all kinds of backgrounds:
1. Matthew was a tax collector who became a disciple
2. Gideon was a ordinary manual worker who became a fearless leader of men
3. Jacob was a liar whose name became Israel
4. Deborah was a housewife who became a judge
5. Rahab was a high class prostitute who was grafted into the blood line of Jesus
6. Moses was a stutterer who became a deliverer
7. Jeremiah was a child who fearlessly spoke the Word of the Lord
8. Aaron was a servant who became a spokesman for God
9. Nicodemus was a Pharisee who became a defender of the faith
10. David was a shepherd boy who killed a giant and became a King
11. Hosea, a marital failure who prophesied to save Israel
12. Joseph was a prisoner who became prime minister
13. Esther was an orphan who became a queen
14. Elijah was a plain man who became a mighty prophet
15. Joshua was an associate who became a conqueror
16. James and John were fisherman who became close disciples of Christ and were known as the “Sons of Thunder”
17. Abraham was a nomad who became the father of many nations
18. Peter was a businessman who became one of the greatest evangelist to walk the earth
19. Jacob was a refugee who became the father of the twelve tribes of Israel
20. John the Baptist was a vagabond who became the forerunner of Jesus
21. Mary was an unknown virgin who gave birth to the Son of God
22. Nehemiah was a cup bearer who built the wall of Jerusalem
23. Shadrack, Meshech and Abednego were Hebrew exiles who became great leaders of the nation of Babylon
24. Hezekiah was an idolatrous father’s son who became a king renowned for doing right in the sight of the Lord
25. Isaiah was a man of unclean lips who prophesied the birth of God’s Messiah
26. Paul was a tormenter of Christians who became the greatest missionary in history and wrote two thirds of the New Testament
God is no respecter of persons. What about you? As we enter into 2008, stop praying, “God use me.” Start praying, “God, make me usable.” All God needs is all of you. Remember, the Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Let these words sink deep into your spirit today. Let God strengthen and encourage you to be all that you can be and all that God intends for you to be.
*Received in email from Revival Fire Ministries International
THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt.5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God(Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship(Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child(Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
who you are!?
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ---- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Author and lecturer, Leo Buscaglia, once talked about a contest
he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find
the most caring child.
The winner was:
A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly
gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man
cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed
onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the
little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'
********************************
Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of
a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair
color than the other members. One of her students suggested that
he was adopted. A little girl said, 'I know all about adoption,
I was adopted.' 'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked
another child. 'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your
mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'
********************************
On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Littlle League base
ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat
down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the
boys what the score was.
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile.
'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'
'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet.'
********************************
Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think
about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His
mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though
she feared he would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect
him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with
pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then
said those words that will remain a lesson to me.....'I've been
chosen to clap and cheer.'
********************************
An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in
December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was
standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering
through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in
such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked
the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She
then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He
quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and,
removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and
dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a
pair upon the boy's feet, she purcha sed him a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.
She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more
comfortable now.'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand,
and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her
.
'Are you God's wife?'
Elderly couple
While on a road trip, an elderly couple
stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After
finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and
resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her
glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until
they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to
travel quite a distance before they could find a
place to turn around -- in order to return to the
restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the
classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained
and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire
return drive. The more he chided her -- the more
agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one
minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the
restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and
hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old
geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you
might as well get my hat and the credit card."
Tea Time
When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and
it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed
in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which
was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such
yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to
watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "just
the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the
hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then
says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???"
Read directions first before you start...
You must hold the left mouse button down to go up..
release to go down...MOST DIFFICULT
Some people have worn their finger out on this. If you are working for a living, do not forward to your co-workers.. The rest of the day will be useless to the company..
Think you can fly a helicopter? Click on the
link below and give it a whirl!
http://www.hurtwood.demon.co.uk/Fun/copter.swf
Now, quit goofing off and get back to work!!!
MAGNOLIAS.......... By Edna Ellison
I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .
So many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three
years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves
would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiancé Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.
I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.Tim turned to me. 'Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements.'
I mumbled, 'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. 'Lord,' I prayed, 'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias,
courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a house... No dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good . . . No shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, 'I'd be happy to!'
He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, 'Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.' 'No, Ma'am,' he said. 'You don't understand what's happening here.'
'What?' I asked.
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I
saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away. 'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'
I nodded.
'This morning,' he continued, 'I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, 'Sir, I need you.'
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, 'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room...'
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled. 'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?'
'No.'
'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have
said, 'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.'
But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
.......watch this 11 minute 32 second video.....
http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.
It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..
Handling Criticism
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.—Colossians 3:23-24
I was watching the movie The Incredibles and was amused by a scene where his boss criticized Mr. Incredible. In the scene, he then throws his boss through several walls and, of course, ends up being fired. The scene reminds me that both criticism and our dislike for being criticized are common. In fact, I don’t know anyone who likes being criticized. While it is true that a positive type of criticism exists – one that we refer to as “constructive-criticism” – most of us are much better acquainted with the negative version of criticism. This is the type of criticism that is meant to hurt, damage, belittle or tear down another person. When delivered, it is often accompanied by negative tone and attitude. Perhaps this is the type of criticism with which you are all too familiar. The question I want you to consider today is, how should a Christ-follower handle criticism?
While thinking over this issue, I came across a poem that was reportedly found hanging on the wall in the orphanage founded by Mother Theresa. I think it captures idea of handling criticism with graceful balance.
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway.
I love the line in the poem “it’s between you and God” because, in the end, so much of life boils down to that truth. Sure, we can desire to get along with everyone and have everyone like us in return. We know by our own experiences, however, that life just doesn’t work that way. For any number of reasons, people can react to us negatively with criticism. When people are critical of us, we need to remember the truth of the Scripture that we belong to the Lord – and our responses to life’s situations boil down to living life to please the Lord. So, when someone criticizes you, see if there is some nugget of truth in the criticism. If there is, own up to it and address it in your life and with the person who brought it to light. If not, move on, continuing to do the best you can to live your life in a way that honors God. Ultimately, this is the most important measurement of our lives and the means by which we can handle and survive the criticisms that come our way.
The Holy Alphabet
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, and I am very pleased with him. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. He will not fight or shout; he will not raise his voice in public. He will not crush those who are weak, or quench the smallest hope, until he brings full justice with his final victory. And his name will be the hope of all the world.—Matthew 12:18-21
Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
X-alting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!*
*Author Unknown
As you probably know, life is not always easy. One of the greatest promises Christians have is in the joy and hope of Christ. We live not simply for today, but with an eternal perspective. As you go about your day today, think about all the ways you can be thankful. Try to live each day with gratitude!
How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
How Smart Is Your Right Foot? Trust me try this, it takes only few seconds.
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.
tamor
04-30-2008, 06:41 AM
How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
How Smart Is Your Right Foot? Trust me try this, it takes only few seconds.
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.
OMG!! Why does it do this? I kept trying to make it stop and I can't!
Alright ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to
be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes
and repeat after me below...
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the
sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and
chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I
tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.
Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'
sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No
one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to
take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her
that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet
look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they
actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will
swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and
have a real pedicure (they are about $25 or $35 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs
of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
:D
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s123/afffriends/politicalpromises2.jpg
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING,
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS COMPLETE WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
4. An extra LARGE portion of Thyme for God and don't forget.....
5. Thyme for yourself to refresh your mind, body and soul.
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE.
You reap what you sow.
A Mother's Love
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.—John 15:12-13
My mom and I didn’t get along when I was in high school. I could give you my version or her version of why we didn’t see eye to eye, but both stories arrive at the same place. Put us in a room together and the result was volatile. At that point in my life, I knew our problems were her fault. She didn’t listen, she didn’t understand, she didn’t…you get my point. I left for college vowing never to be like everyone else who went off to college and suddenly became best friends with their parents.
Four months later, I apologized. My mom picked me up from the airport for Christmas break, and as I sat with her, I let her know how very sorry I was for disrespecting her for almost four straight years. As I consider my own future as a mother, I imagine my own child will go through the same phases I went through. As a young child, my mom could do no wrong. She was my hero. But as I grew, I somehow began to think I knew more than she did. Soon I stopped relying on her. By high school, I had decided she didn’t know anything and I moved on. But only four months of being away from her, I started to realize what an amazing woman my mother was and is. Now, 10 years after I vowed never to consider my mom a friend, I can’t imagine my life without her presence. I call her for advice or just to say hi. I look to her as a role model, a hero.
Being a mom is a thankless job. There’s no report card to hang proudly on the refrigerator, no ceremony to celebrate a good season, no award for being the “Most Valuable Player”, few pats on the back, and it’s not often that someone tells you how good you are doing. It took me almost a quarter of a century to finally see that she loved me like Jesus commanded. She did not die for me, but she has made sacrifice after sacrifice for my sister and I for the past 30 years. In essence, she gave up everything in her life to be there for us and love us through the good and through the bad. She still does.
I hope one day I can be a mom just like her. Is she perfect? No, and I won’t be either. But I know I will do a good job if I can match the same sacrificial and pure love she had for me. If I can love my children, just like Jesus…
Our mothers are a blessing.
Trash Day
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”—Psalm 103:12
Friday is trash day in our neighborhood. That means on Thursday night, I get busy around the house throwing away about anything that is not nailed to the ground. I collect trash from each room and rejoice as I take overflowing trashcans out to the curb to remove the clutter and junk from our home.
Then the trash man dumps all my trash into his truck and drives away with it, never to be seen by me again. Halleluiah! Weekly, I get to wipe my hands clean of the rubbish in my life.
Fortunately for us, we also have a spiritual trash day. But, instead of weekly, Jesus is willing to come daily, hourly or each minute as we ask for forgiveness to remove the trash of sin from our lives. By His love and grace, he takes away the sin in our lives; He then dumps them at the foot of the cross and removes it from our presence permanently. As far as the east is from the west is how far our sins have been removed from us.
He has cleansed us of our sins, and we are clean in His presence when we ask for and accept the forgiveness He offers us. There is no longer a need to be weighed down by the sins of the past – they are removed. We cannot move forward with the weight of sin around our ankles. When we ask for forgiveness, God completely removes our sin from us, never to be seen again. How great it is that God removes all the junk from within us…all we have to do is ask. We are white as snow, we are forgiven, our record is cleared.
I am so thankful for the forgiveness the Lord has granted me. Now, He says, go and do the same for others. Forgive them. Do not bring up old grievances in the heat of an argument, do not hold them over others’ heads when you need something from them, forgive them. Remove the penalty of the sin so far from them that it is as far as the east is from the west.
If I Really Wanted to Make a Difference
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”—James 1: 22
A small book sits on an end table in our house entitled If I Really Wanted to Make a Difference… Each page finishes the sentence with ideas like, “I would say I’m sorry,” or “I would read to a child,” or other similar anecdotes. It’s a daily reminder that the simple things in life are what often make the biggest difference. One day, the cover caught my attention and I read it a little differently. That day, my eyes read the words with a period at the end. “If I really wanted to make a difference, I would.” The change this made in my own mind, though plain and simple, was deep.
James gives us a similar charge: “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:23-25
Typically, we all have daily opportunities to make a positive difference in the life of another person. We know what we ought to do, but we pass up opportunities right and left. Maybe we’re too busy or distracted by “more important things.” Perhaps inconvenience prevents us from acting. Really, there are uncounted excuses that can keep us from doing anything. But James was serious about conveying the importance of doing what is right. Later on in chapter 4, verse 17, he wrote very clearly, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”
James is saying that inactivity can amount to sin. Ouch. If you are like me, so many times I’ve passed on the opportunity to do good and, in doing nothing, have sinned. That stings, doesn’t it?
Today can be different. Each of us can make a difference in the life of someone else. So, when you see the opportunity arise, seize it.
Garbage Truck.
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't."
Lord, Be My Peace
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.—Philippians 4: 6-7
Anxiety is real. In fact, it is so prevalent it has its own medical classification and a myriad of medications to help lessen its often paralyzing effects. While a little anxiety is common – like when a deadline is looming at work or school, or when you’re signing that loan for your first house – anxiety that lingers or that surrounds every decision is a sign that something deeper is occurring.
At the core of anxiety is worry. But hear what Jesus says about worry,
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat? Or what shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34
I find it interesting that despite the Scriptural challenges, even those including our Savior’s words that we ought not worry, many of us still find anxiety to be a daily companion. Still, we are in good company with our fellow believers over the centuries.
The early Christian Fathers used what is called a “breathe prayer” to help those experiencing anxiety. We use it in our ministry today. It is simply this: As you inhale, say the words “Jesus Christ is Lord” to yourself, then, as you exhale say the words, “Lord, be my peace.” Repeat this pattern until you feel your anxiety lessen or go away completely.
Today, if you are feeling anxious, give this “breathe prayer” a try, and may God’s peace be with you.
Falla39
05-16-2008, 07:56 AM
Sis. Tina,
The devotional by Leslie Snyder is very good! Thank you so much for posting
it today!
Blessings,
Falla39
Thanks Margies3 for sharing this with me.... I think the rest of the Mom's here need to see it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm Invisible ~ For all the mom's
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible; 'The Invisible Mom.'
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:
Can you fix this?
Can you tie this?
Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5 :30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going, she's going, and she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.
I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.
It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
"To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.
And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.
As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know..... I just did.
Messy Lives
This devotional was written by Robin Dugall
“Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all. Feel my pain and see my trouble. Forgive all my sins…may integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you.”—Psalm 25:16-21
The other day, I woke up with a bad cold and an even worse mood. I don’t like having a cold. It makes me feel lethargic and it saps my initiative. Since I wasn't feeling too well, I laid around and watched one of my favorite musicals that just came out on DVD: The Phantom of the Opera. This operetta is deep, tragic and full of real life. I was talking with my wife after we watched the movie together, sharing with her the fact that movies or plays with unhappy endings are usually the ones we remember the most. I went through a whole laundry list of shows that we had seen together to prove my point. I noted Saving Private Ryan, Romeo and Juliet, Gladiator, The Patriot, Revenge of the Sith, and Braveheart (just to name a few). In every one of those movies, it is the same story of the reality and struggle of human existence. There is something about those types of artistic expressions that simply feels right.
Have you ever wondered why? It is because that is the way life is. Not every human story has a happy ending, what current culture wants us to believe. Our culture teaches that if you have the right system, laws, or technology, you can assure your own happy ending. Television and movies give us the impression that any and all human dilemmas are only 30 to 90 minutes from the happy ending they were meant to have. Many people have bought into the lie that happy endings are what every human being is entitled to live. Improvement, happiness, material blessings, easy living and progress are things God owes us. Unfortunately, this is the reason why much of modern culture is failing us: it is just NOT real. What is real is unpredictability...struggle and pain...brokenness and desperation...sometimes joy and sometimes weariness.
In a life of unpredictability, what can we count on? Jesus. As we journey through this life, Jesus is the only ONE upon whom we can surely bank. He and His Kingdom provide the only hope that can transform the shattered dreams and broken lives that accompany most of what we call “living.” Remember, Jesus understands what our lives are like. He could have spent his time on earth selling a new product that would have cured all of life’s problems, but He didn’t. Instead, he spent much of his time hanging out with people whose lives were complete messes – lives that look a lot like yours and mine. Why? He knew that what matters most wasn’t creating a happy ending in this life, but rather, the transformation of peoples’ souls in the midst of their struggles. Today, He’s still working that same plan. Now, that’s something I can buy into! How about you?
Recipe for Preserving a Husband
Be careful of your selection. Do not choose too young. When one is selected, give your entire thought to preparation for domestic use.
Some insist on keeping them in a pickle, others are constantly getting them in hot water. This makes them sour, hard, and sometimes bitter.
Even poor varieties can be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic decoration and serve with peaches and cream. Thus prepared, they will keep for a lifetime.
The Bible
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
—Hebrews 4:12-13
The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible. His grandson who wanted to be just like him tried to imitate him in any way he could. One day the grandson asked, “Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don’t understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?” The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said, “Take this coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water.” The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, “You will have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was “impossible to carry water in a basket,” and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You can do this. You’re just not trying hard enough,” and he went out the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got far at all. The boy scooped the water and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, “See Papa, it’s useless!” “So you think it is useless?” The old man said, “Look at the basket.” The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that the basket looked different. Instead of a dirty old coal basket, it was clean. “Son, that’s what happens when you read the Bible. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change you from the inside out.”
Current statistics from pollster George Barna report that 45% of all Americans read the Bible at least once during the week. That is a hopeful statistic and one of the highest in recent times. How about you? Does the Bible take priority in your personal life outside of the church? How well do you know what it really says, or do you rely on someone else to tell you what it says? Are you allowing it to transform your life, like the dirty coal bucket in the above story?
99 Balloons
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. —1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
A father’s letter to his son, Elliot, has been circulating on YouTube*. Elliot was born with the genetic disorder Trisomy 18. Doctors did not believe this little boy would survive even to be born. Proving experts wrong, he was born and lived 99 days. The video chronicles the parents’ love and pride for their son.
These parents are an incredible example of what it means to love and be thankful for what we are given. Even though there was incredible pain in knowing their son would not live a full life, they took the time they had with their child to love unconditionally and be thankful each and every day for the time they got with him. The family practiced joy by celebrating their son. They continually prayed each day for healing and a miracle. In the end, when their prayer for healing was not answered, they were still able to give thanks for the time they had with their son.
The Apostle Paul commands us to be joyful, prayerful and thankful in all circumstances. In the best of times, the commands aren’t tremendously burdensome, but often go unheeded. When we undergo hardships in life, they go against our natural inclination. No one would have condemned Elliot’s parents for being angry and bitter for the circumstances they were in; however, instead, they made the difficult, but possible choice to be joyful, prayerful and thankful. And, they were the better for it. They were able to appreciate each day with their son and ultimately see God’s hand of grace and love in the gift they had been given.
Elliot died on what his parents called his 99th birthday. At Elliot’s funeral, 99 balloons were released in honor of each day his parents got to spend with him. The father’s letter closed with these words: “Today you went to be with Jesus. An underdeveloped lung, a heart with a hole in it, DNA that places faulty information in every cell in your body could not stop God from revealing Himself through a child who never uttered a word…God found great pleasure to take a lowly thing in the eyes of the world and show truth…”
Elliot’s parents demonstrated how valuable joy, prayer, and thankfulness can be in the midst of difficult circumstances. May we choose to do the same.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord; Psalms: 33:12
A good history lesson that we all should read. Patrick Henry is not quoted properly in our present day school texts. "Give me liberty or give me death" is not exactly all that he said or why!
Did you know that 52 of the 55 signers of the Declaration of Independence were orthodox, deeply-committed Christians? The other three all believed in the Bible as the divine truth, the God of scripture, and His personal intervention. It is the same Congress that formed the American Bible Society. Immediately after creating the Declaration of Independence, the Continental Congress voted to purchase and import 20,000 copies of scripture for the people of this nation.
Patrick Henry, who is called the firebrand of the American Revolution, is still remembered for his words, "Give me liberty or give me death". But in current textbooks the context of these words is deleted. Here is what he said:
"An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not to the strong alone. Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death."
These sentences have been erased from our textbooks. Was Patrick Henry a Christian? The following year, 1776, he wrote this "It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great Nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religious, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here."
Consider these words that Thomas Jefferson wrote on the front of his well-worn Bible: "I am a real Christian, that is to say, a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus. I have little doubt that our whole country will soon be rallied to the unity of our Creator and, I hope, to the pure doctrine of Jesus also."
Consider these words from George Washington, the Father of our Nation, in his farewell speech on September 19, 1796, "It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters. Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."
Was George Washington a Christian? Consider these words from his personal prayer book: "Oh, eternal and everlasting God, direct my thoughts, words and work. Wash away my sins in the immaculate blood of the lamb and purge my heart by thy Holy Spirit. Daily, frame me more and more in the likeness of thy son, Jesus Christ, that living in thy fear, and dying in thy favor, I may in thy appointed time obtain the resurrection of the justified unto eternal life. Bless, O Lord, the whole race of mankind and let the world be filled with the knowledge of thee and thy son, Jesus Christ."
Consider these words by John Adams, our second president, who also served as chairman of the American Bible Society. In an address to military leaders he said, "We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."
How about our first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay? He stated that when we select our national leaders, if we are to preserve our Nation, we must select Christians. "Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers, and it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian Nation to select and prefer Christians for their rulers."
John Quincy Adams, son of John Adams, was the sixth U.S. President. He was also the chairman of the American Bible Society, which he considered his highest and most important role. On July 4, 1821, President Adams said, "The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity."
Calvin Coolidge, our 30th President of the United States reaffirmed this truth when he wrote, "The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country."
In 1782, the United States Congress voted this resolution: "The Congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools."
William Holmes McGuffey, author of the McGuffey Reader, was used for over 100 years in our public schools with over 125 million copies sold until it was stopped in 1963. President Lincoln called him the "Schoolmaster of the Nation." Listen to these words of Mr. McGuffey: "The Christian religion is the religion of our country. From it are derived our notions on the character of God, on the great moral Governor of the universe. On its doctrines are founded the peculiarities of our free institutions. From no source has the author drawn more conspicuously than from the sacred Scriptures. From all these extracts from the Bible I make no apology."
Of the first 108 universities founded in America, 106 were distinctly Christian, including the first, Harvard University, chartered in 1636. In the original Harvard Student Handbook, rule number 1 was that students seeking entrance must know Latin and Greek so that they could study the scriptures: "Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider well, the main end of his life and studies is, to know God and Jesus Christ, which is eternal life, John 17:3; and therefore to lay Jesus Christ as the only foundation of all sound knowledge and learning. And seeing the Lord only giveth wisdom let every one seriously set himself by prayer in secret to seek it of him (Proverbs 2:3)."
For over 100 years, more than 50% of all Harvard graduates were pastors! It is clear from history that the Bible and the Christian faith, were foundational to our educational and judicial system. However, in 1947, there was a radical change of direction for the Supreme Court. It required ignoring every precedent of Supreme Court ruling for the past 160 years. The Supreme Court ruled in a limited way to affirm a wall of separation between church and State in the public classroom.
In the coming years, this led to removing prayer from public schools in 1962. Here is the prayer that was banished: "Almighty God, we acknowledge our dependence on Thee. We beg Thy blessings upon us and our parents and our teachers and our country. Amen."
In 1963, the Supreme Court ruled that Bible reading was outlawed as unconstitutional in the public school system. The court offered this justification: "If portions of the New Testament were read without explanation, they could and have been psychologically harmful to children." Bible reading was now unconstitutional, though the Bible was quoted 94 percent of the time by those who wrote our Constitution and shaped our Nation and its system of education and justice and government.
In 1965, the Courts denied as unconstitutional the right of a student in the public school cafeteria to bow his head and pray audibly for his food. In 1980, Stone vs. Graham outlawed the Ten Commandments in our public schools. The Supreme Court said this: "If the posted copies of the Ten Commandments were to have any effect at all, it would be to induce schoolchildren to read them. And if they read them, mediated upon them, and perhaps venerated and obeyed them, this is not a permissible objective."
Is it not a permissible objective to allow our children to follow the moral principles of the Ten Commandments? James Madison, the primary author of the Constitution of the United States, said this: "We have staked the whole future of our new nation, not upon the power of government; far from it. We have staked the future of all our political constitutions upon the capacity of each of ourselves to govern ourselves according to the moral principles of the Ten Commandments."
Today, we are asking God to bless America. But, how can He bless a Nation that has departed so far from Him? Prior to September 11, He was not welcome in America. Most of what you read in this article has been erased from our textbooks. Revisionists have rewritten history to remove the truth about our country's Christian roots. You are encouraged to make copies, and share with others, so that the truth of our nation's history will be told.
HADDOCK
07-07-2008, 12:29 PM
Cardboard testimonies -- someone sent me the youtube video and it is quite impressive. I don't know how to put it here, but maybe someone can if it's not already been posted here before.
It's workth checking out!
Cindy
07-07-2008, 12:32 PM
Love the new avatar Tina.
Cardboard testimonies -- someone sent me the youtube video and it is quite impressive. I don't know how to put it here, but maybe someone can if it's not already been posted here before.
It's workth checking out!
Thanks for sharing... I thought it was great!
Here's the video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ
Going the Wrong Way!
This devotional was written by Jim Grams
Your word is a lamp to my feet and light for my path.
—Psalm 119:105
One morning on my way to work, I shouted out loud, “I’ve taken the wrong freeway!” As I sped along the wrong road, I was looking down on the right one crossing underneath me. It was an awful moment of realization. It cost me a very long delay. Missing your freeway in Southern California traffic is not a good thing.
I’ve met people all my life who are living their lives on the wrong road. They say they’re on their way to Heaven, but really seem to be roaring down the road to Hell. Jesus said so clearly that He is the way, the truth and the life! He truly is the only road to Heaven. There is only one way and it’s through Jesus.
I’d been driving the same way to work for months. No one moved the road that morning. I just flat missed it. I have the feeling that a lot of churchgoers are missing the way to Heaven. They really don’t need to hear more sermons. They need to see Jesus in you and me. Jesus becomes our light and He makes us lights in the darkness. We have the opportunity to be used by God to help lead wrong-way travelers onto the road to Heaven.
It’s a terribly frightening thing to see a car traveling the wrong way on a freeway. It is even more terrible to see a person racing on the road to spiritual destruction. God has given us the awesome privilege to share the road of life – to share His gift of salvation through His son, Jesus. May God enable us to be living examples as we journey with our Lord.
I've gotten behind on sharing the devotionals due to computer problems. So I'm going to try to catch up on reading my email and sharing the devotions today.
God's Mobile
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
—John 14:25-27
At about five p.m. every day, my son gets a bit cranky. For a while, I tried everything to help him settle down. I would let him look in the mirror, grab his favorite toy, sing him a song…and while some of these techniques worked for a few minutes, inevitably my son would squirm and fuss and look away. Then one day, I decided to take him outside. I put a blanket under a tree and we sat together. Forty-five minutes later we were still sitting under that tree as my son squealed and kicked his legs in delight each time the wind blew the leaves.
Now on most days around five o’clock, my son and I head outside and we lie on our backs and under the tree. Sure, I could be inside getting dinner going or cleaning up, but there is something incredibly serene and peaceful about watching the breeze tickle the leaves of a tree.
In those moments, I feel I can simply breathe in God’s promise of peace, as my son and I stare at what my husband calls “God’s Mobile.” The tree, the way the branches and leaves move are wonderfully complex and simple all at the same time. Isn’t it that way with the world? There are so many complexities, anxieties and worries, but God gently whispers, You have my peace. Rest in me.
God’s peace is different from what the world says peace is. It is not the absence of conflict, it is the assurance that God is in control. Peace comes from knowing that those who call on His name have eternal hope and life in Him. We do not need to let fear or sin or anxiety or doubt restrain us from living a life with a peaceful heart. With God’s promise, we can be courageous even when inevitable troubles come our way.
Love Makes the Difference
This devotional was written by Jim Burns
A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.
—John 13:34,35
As you look at today's Scripture, think of it in this way: The non-Christian world has the right to judge whether there is a God or not a God by the way we Christians love each other.
Yes, the world will know us by our fruit. There is no greater witness of God's love on earth than when Christians love in the same manner as Jesus loves.
Here is how historian Aristides described the Christians to the Roman Emperor Hadrian:
They love one another. They never fail to help widows; they save orphans from those who would hurt them. If they have something, they give freely to the man who has nothing; if they see a stranger, they take him home, and are happy, as though he were a real brother. They don't consider themselves brothers in the usual sense, but brothers instead through the Spirit, in God. *
Aristides was describing the kingdom of God made visible by believers. One of the major duties of every Christian is to make the invisible kingdom of God visible.
Slow Down!
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
“Be still and know that I am God.”—Psalm 46:10
Oftentimes, Jesus stepped away for solitude and prayer.
At Spiritual Moments: Jesus prayed after he was baptized in the Jordan river. As He prayed, the heavens opened and the Holy Spirit descended on Him. Luke 3:21-22
Important Decisions: Jesus went to the mountain to pray. Jesus sought His Father’s counsel before He chose the twelve disciples. Luke 6:12-16
For Solitude: Mark tells of a story of Jesus stepping away. After He fed the 5,000, He sent His disciples ahead and retreated to the mountainside to pray. Mark 6:29-31
To Mourn: After Jesus heard of John the Baptist’s death, He stepped away to take some time alone. Matthew 14:13
Giving Thanks: As Jesus sat with His disciples at the Last Supper, He broke bread and gave thanks to God the Father. Matthew 26:26-27
For Others: Jesus sat with His disciples and taught them how to pray. He also took time to pray for Himself, the disciples and future believers. John 16 & 17
Times of Hardship: Before Jesus was sent to the cross, He prayed that God the Father would take the cup of hardship from Him. Ultimately, He prayed that the Lord’s will would be done, even if it meant His own pain and suffering. Luke 22:39-45
These are some examples of Jesus’ taking time to pray and be still. If you are anything like me, the busier and more stressed you get, the less time you are willing to make for the Lord. I jump into “doer” or “planner” mode when what I should really be doing is slowing down.
SLOW DOWN! Jesus lived a life marked by prayer. He is the example we should follow. Today’s verse, Psalm 46:10, sits in a small frame in my bathroom to remind me that the only way I will make it is if I am willing to take some time at the Father’s feet. For me, sometimes this means praying, while other times it means singing. But, mostly I become still. In the stillness, I reflect on Who God is and what my purpose is.
Whenever life’s challenges, triumphs or bland times come your way, be still and know that He is God!
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual!) HEADLINES
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miners Refuse to Work
After Death
Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Juvenile Court to Try
Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Wave Linked to
Temperatures
Who would have thought!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Enfield Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Astronaut Takes Blame for
Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chain-saw Massacre all over again!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hospitals are Sued by
7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity, and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh at least once a day.
Checking Motives
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
“All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.”—Proverbs 16:2
Craig Brian Larson’s book, 750 Engaging Illustrations includes the following story:
A lady answered the knock on her door to find a man with a sad expression. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” he said, “but I’m collecting money for an unfortunate family in the neighborhood. The husband is out of work, the kids are hungry, the utilities will soon be cut off, and worse, they’re going to be kicked out of their apartment if they don’t pay the rent by this afternoon.” “I’ll be happy to help,” said the woman with great concern. “But who are you?” “I’m the landlord,” he replied.
We all have motives for the things we do. Yet, often these motives operate unchecked, below the surface of our own awareness. Could it be that like the landlord in the story, our motives for doing good deeds are too often layered with self-interest? I believe that all Christians, to one extent or another, struggle with mixed motives for our actions. When we take time to truthfully evaluate, we find that we constantly face the inward tug-of-war between saint and sinner. Like the Apostle Paul, all Christ-followers experience the desire to do those things that please the Lord, but often end up doing something different instead. Or, like the landlord in the story, we bring mixed motives to even our best attempts to serve in Jesus’ name. We serve the Lord, even while pursuing self-interests like recognition, fame, comfort, success, pride, control, money, getting someone off our back, and the like.
What’s the answer to the problem of mixed motives? Honestly, I think this is a life-long struggle we face. We need to be prepared for the battle. We can minimize the effect of our own mixed motives by being honest with ourselves, performing regular self-evaluation combined with confession and repentance. God’s grace is sufficient to help us win the daily battles. We will never completely banish this foe from our lives during this life, but we can gain the upper hand in the struggle by checking our motives regularly and by trusting God to make us more like him.
Michael Phelps
08-18-2008, 04:16 PM
Reading about cats and dogs on another thread reminded me of this email I just received yesterday. I'm sure it will evoke strong emotions on both sides! Enjoy.
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. ARGH!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........
The most useless thing to do ...........Worry
The greatest Joy...............................Giving
The greatest loss.................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work...............Helping others
The ugliest personality trait......................Selfishness
The most endangered species...................Dedicated leaders
The greatest "shot in the arm"..................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.............Fear
Most effective sleeping pill.............Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease.........Excuses
The most powerful force in life......................Love
The most dangerous pariah.................................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer..........The brain !
The worst thing to be without...................Hope
The deadliest weapon.............The tongue
The two most power-filled words..............."I Can"
The greatest asset.................Faith
The most worthless emotion................Self-pity
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most beautiful attire...................A SMILE!
The most powerful channel of communication........Prayer
The most contagious spirit.................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life...............GOD
Help Me! I'm Stuck!
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.—Philippians 2:4
One day, a centipede walked by a tree where a wise old owl was perched. The owl asked the centipede, “You have so many legs! How do you know which one to move next?” The centipede froze in his tracks. He started thinking. He didn’t know which leg to move so he couldn’t move any. He cried to the owl, “Help me! I’m stuck!” The owl said, “My little friend, you are stuck because you are too focused on yourself. When you are focused on what is going on in the world around you, you have no thoughts about how to move. You simply move.” The centipede looked out to the horizon and saw the sun setting. “How beautiful,” the centipede said. Just then, his legs were freed and he began to walk again.
It’s been reported that Dr. Karl Menninger, a famous psychologist, once gave a lecture on mental health. During a question and answer session that followed his lecture, he was asked, “What advice would you give someone who felt a nervous breakdown coming on?” He replied, “Lock up your house, go across the railway tracks, find someone in need and do something to help that person.”
Both the story and anecdote above remind me that when we focus on ourselves – on our problems and circumstances – we can become inwardly paralyzed, preventing us from being everything that God intends for us to be, including serving others effectively. We can freeze in our own tracks.
Following Christ is not primarily an exercise in introspection, but rather of reaching out to others and lovingly serving them in His name. In times when I’ve been in tough situations, or have felt sorry for myself for some reason, I’ve experienced release from my anxiety by changing my focus to others and getting myself involved in serving. Routine self-evaluation is healthy. An obsession with self is not.
Today, if you are feeling paralyzed by the weight of a difficult personal situation, I encourage you to shift your focus from yourself to the Son and find someone you can serve in His name. The weight will seem lighter and you will start moving again.
mozet
09-02-2008, 01:21 AM
Hi Tina,
thanks for the story, and I love Bleach.
Tears
This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.—Matthew 11:28
Tears communicate. From the day a child is born tears have the powerful ability to communicate hunger, loneliness, pain, anger, and even joy. By the time a child is just a few days old, parents can distinguish not only the cries of their own child but can distinguish the exact type of need associated with that cry. The following story describes one such experience.
The screen door opened hard and slammed against the wall alerting the mother that something was wrong. With sagging shoulders, a slow, methodical pace and a tear-streamed face came the child. The mother scooped up the bundle of tears and quickly surveyed the damage. No bumps, bruises or blood could be seen but the cries of the child increased. It was then the mother recognized the cry. Beyond the pain of the moment was a deeper need being communicated - one that reached the heart of the mother unlike any other cry. It was the cry of one needing love. The mother looked at her child, still crying in a heap on the counter, and placed the child’s wet, sweaty head against her chest and clung tightly to the child. The child’s deep cries communicated something from deep within her soul. After a few minutes the cries lessened and the child became calm. Mom looked intently into the eyes of this precious life, wiped away the tears, kissed her head and went hand in hand with her back out to play.
God is like this! He’s a Father who hears our cries and can understand the difference between our different cries of pain, hurt, anger, frustration, joy and deep need. And, like the mother in the story, He longs to hold us while we cry, not saying anything but showing immeasurable love through his powerful embrace? Jesus invites us to draw near to Him for comfort. “Come to me,” He says…”Come, I will give you rest. You can cry on my shoulder. I will hold you until you let go.”
What do your cries communicate? Maybe you don’t cry or haven’t cried in many years. Just like the mother in the story above, today there is Someone waiting to hold you, to love you while you cry and His name is Jesus. He doesn’t care if you are male or female, young, old, rich, poor, or somewhere in between. He is waiting with open arms. He promises to give you rest. What are you waiting for?
WHY I'VE DECIDED TO VOTE DEMOCRAT
I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that when the terrorists don't have to hide from us over there, they'll come over here, and I don't want to have any guns in the house to shoot them with..
I'm voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse this time.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
I'm voting Democrat because I think paying outrageously high prices for gasoline and natural gas is a good thing for the environment; besides... my house is 'All-electric'.
Makes ya wonder why anyone would EVER vote Republican, now doesn't it?
:toofunny
Rhoni
09-14-2008, 09:22 PM
Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
'H-M-M,' she said,
'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going
to wear my hair in a pony tail.'
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed
that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed.
'I don't have to fix my hair today!'
Attitude is everything.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain
FRIENDS VS. SOUTHERN FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food.
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'
FRIENDS: will visit you in jail
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: will probably spend the night in jail with you.
FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital
FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: have your number memorized
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Might ignore this.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their Southern Friends
Marriage As It Was Meant to Be
by John MacArthur
Our entertainment-saturated society helps feed all sorts of illusions about reality. The fantasy of the perfect romantic and sexual relationship, the perfect lifestyle, and the perfect body all prove unattainable because the reality never lives up to the expectation.
The worst fallout comes in the marriage relationship. When two people can't live up to each other's expectations, they'll look for their fantasized satisfaction in the next relationship, the next experience, the next excitement. But that path leads only to self-destruction and emptiness.
Marriage is the capstone of the family, the building block of human civilization. A society that does not honor and protect marriage undermines its very existence. Why? Because one of God's designs for marriage is to show the next generation how a husband and wife demonstrate reciprocal, sacrificial love toward each other.
But when husbands and wives forsake that love, their marriage fails to be what God intended. When marriage fails, the whole family falls apart; when the family fails, the whole society suffers. And stories of societal suffering fill the headlines every day.
Now, more than ever before, is the time for Christians to declare and put on display what the Bible declares: God's standard for marriage and the family is the only standard that can produce meaning, happiness, and fulfillment.
Divine Directives for Wives
One of the most explicit passages of Scripture that outlines God's standard for marriage is Ephesians 5:22-33. Wives often bear the brunt of that section, but the majority of the passage deals with the husband's attitude toward and responsibilities for his wife. Nonetheless, here's the wife's responsibility before the Lord:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything (vv. 22-24).
Submission in no way implies a difference in essence or worth; it does refer, however, to a willing submission of oneself. Wives, submission is to be your voluntary response to God's will-it's a willingness to give up your rights to other believers in general and ordained authority in particular, in this case your own husband.
Husbands aren't to treat their wives like slaves, barking commands at them; they are to treat their wives as equals, assuming their God-given responsibility of caring, protecting, and providing for them.
Likewise wives fulfill their God-given responsibility when they submit willingly to their own husbands. That reflects not only the depth of intimacy and vitality in their relationship, but also the sense of ownership a wife has for her husband.
Keep in mind that the wife's submission requires intelligent participation: "Mere listless, thoughtless subjection is not desirable if ever possible. The quick wit, the clear moral discernment, the fine instincts of a wife make of her a counselor whose influence is invaluable and almost unbounded" (Charles R. Erdman,The Epistles of Paul to the Colossians and to Philemon [Philadelphia: Westminster, 1966], 103).
Elisabeth Elliot, writing on "The Essence of Femininity," offers a fitting summary of God's ideal for wives:
Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary's answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: "I am the Lord's servant … May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender.
Think of a bride. She surrenders her independence, her name, her destiny, her will, herself to the bridegroom in marriage … The gentle and quiet spirit of which Peter speaks, calling it "of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4), is the true femininity, which found its epitome in Mary (John Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood [Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 1991], 398, 532, emphasis added).
Divine Directives for Husbands After giving the divine guidelines for the wife's submission, Paul devotes the next nine verses of Ephesians 5 to explain the husband's duty to submit to his wife through his love for her: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church" (v. 25). The Lord's pattern of love for His church is the husband's pattern of love for his wife, and it is manifest in four ways.
Sacrificial Love Christ loved the church by giving "Himself up for her." The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves His church will give up everything he has for his wife, including his life if necessary.
Most of you husbands would give verbal assent to that-literally dying for your wife is such a remote possibility for most of you. But I would speculate that it is much more difficult to make lesser, but actual sacrifices for her.
Husbands, when you put aside your own likes, desires, opinions, preferences, and welfare to please your wife and meet her needs, then you are truly dying to self to live for your wife. And that is what Christ's love demands.
Purifying Love Christ loved the church sacrificially with this goal in mind:
That He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless (vv. 26-27).
Love wants only the best for the one it loves, and it cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or misled by anything evil or harmful. If you really love your wife, you'll do everything in your power to maintain her holiness, virtue, and purity every day you live.
That obviously means doing nothing to defile her. Don't expose her to or let her indulge in anything that would bring impurity into her life. Don't tempt her to sin by, say, inducing an argument out of her on a subject you know is sensitive to her. Love always seeks to purify.
Caring Love Another aspect of divine love is this:
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (vv. 28-29).
The word translated "cherishes" literally means "to warm with body heat"-it is used to describe a bird sitting on her nest (e.g., Deut. 22:6). Husbands, you are to provide a secure, warm, safe haven for your wife.
When your wife needs strength, give her strength. When she needs encouragement, give it to her. Whatever she needs, you are obligated to supply as best you can. God chose you to provide for and protect her, to nourish and cherish her, and to do so "as Christ also does the church."
Unbreakable Love For a husband to love his wife as Christ loves His church he must love her with an unbreakable love. In this direct quotation from Genesis 2:24, Paul emphasizes the permanence as well as the unity of marriage: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh" (v. 31). And God's standard for marriage still hasn't changed.
Husbands, your union with your wife is permanent. When you got married, you had to leave, cleave, and become one with your wife-never go back on that. Let your wife rest in the security of knowing that you belong to her, for life.
Just as the body of Christ is indivisible, God's ideal for marriage is that it be indivisible. As Christ is one with His church, you husbands are one with your wives.
Paul goes on to say, "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church" (v. 32). Why is submission as well as sacrificial, purifying, and caring love so strongly emphasized in Scripture? Because the sacredness of the church is wed to the sacredness of marriage.
Christian, your marriage is a testimony to the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Your marriage will either tell the truth about that relationship, or it will tell a lie.
What is your marriage saying to the watching world? If you'll walk in the power of the Spirit, yield to His Word, and be mutually submissive, you can know that God will bless you abundantly and glorify His Son through your marriage.
Adapted from Different by Design, © 1994 by John MacArthur.
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Grace_to_You/Article.asp?article_id=919
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
AmericanAngel
09-19-2008, 08:14 AM
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
That's was halairous!!! Thanks Tina! :ursofunny :ursofunny
A Prayer for Our Child
This devotional was written by Kelly McFadden
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” —1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Years ago before I was married, my parents handed me this prayer. Before I ever met my husband, they were praying for the man he would be and the qualities he would possess.
Prayer for our Child’s Future Spouse*:
“Lord, may he/she love you with all his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength, and Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior. (Mark 12:29-30; Romans 10:9)
May he/she love his/her spouse (our child) with faithful, undying love for as long as they both live. (Matthew 19:5, 6)
May he/she recognize his/her body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and treat it wisely. (1 Corinthians 16:19, 20)
May he/she be healthy, able to work and support a family. (1 Timothy 6:8)
May he/she have an admirable goal in his life. (Matthew 6:33)
May he/she use his/her talents wisely and release his/her spouse (our child) to use her/his God-given talents, also. May their talents complement one another. May they enjoy doing things together. (Matthew 25:1, 14-30)
May he/she establish their home in accordance with God’s prescribed order as outlined in Ephesians 5:20-28.
May he/she be strong in mind. May the two of them be compatible intellectually. (2 Corinthians 13:11; 1 Timothy 1:7)
May he/she be a good money manager. (1 Timothy 5:8; 6:10)
Lord, bring this partner into my child’s life in Your perfect timing. May they be so in love with each other and both of them in love with You, O God, that there will be no doubt that You created them for each other as long as they both shall live.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Even with my son still in diapers, I realize it is not too early to be praying for his future and even his future spouse. What a gift my parents gave me in their years of praying. What a gift you can give your children by praying continually for them.
Talking Clock
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a
couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his
bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.
'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock', the drunk replied.
'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.
'Yup', replied the drunk.
'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.
'Watch', the drunk replied. He picked up the
mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The
three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed,
'You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!'
tamor
09-19-2008, 09:15 AM
Talking Clock
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a
couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his
bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
What's with that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.
'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock', the drunk replied.
'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.
'Yup', replied the drunk.
'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.
'Watch', the drunk replied. He picked up the
mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The
three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed,
'You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!'
:toofunny :toofunny :toofunny
Jake, the rancher, went one day
to fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
and the clouds rolled gray and dense.
As he pounded the last staples in
and gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen,
the wind and snow began to blow.
When he finally reached his pickup,
he felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition,
he knew it wouldn't start.
So Jake did what most of us
would do if we had been there.
He humbly bowed his balding head
and sent aloft a prayer.
As he turned the key for the last time,
he softly cursed his luck.
They found him three days later,
frozen stiff in that old truck.
Now Jake had been around in life
and done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked --
it looked just like Wyoming !
Of all the saints in Heaven,
his favorite was St. Peter.
(Now, this line ain't needed
but it helps with rhyme and meter)
So they sat and talked a minute or two,
or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score --
in Heaven time is free.
"I've always heard," Jake said to Pete,
"that God will answer prayer,
But one time I asked for help,
well, he just plain wasn't there."
"Does God answer prayers of some,
and ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square --
I know all men are brothers."
"Or does he randomly reply,
without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
the weather or the season."
"Now I ain't trying to act smart,
it's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could you tell me --
what the heck's the deal?!"
Peter listened very patiently
and when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
and he said, "So, you're the one!"
"That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
and you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
with hundreds of us trying."
"A thousand angels rushed,
to check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard
from you in quite a long while."
"And though all prayers are answered,
and God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
and started a truck in Minnesota ."
BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH
~
Author: Bill Jones
Change ... Change ... Change!!!!!!!!!!
Not long ago I read what was, supposedly, a joke ... It said all the
politicians running for president are promising change to
the American people. We send them billions and billions of tax dollars
and they send us the change.
Funny? Not really; there is too much truth in it to be funny.
And every day, I receive candidate-bashing cartoons,
stupid, political one-liners about lipstick wearing pigs, hockey mom's,
etc. C'mon folks!!
Give it a rest!! Instead of bashing one
candidate while touting another & generally forcing your unsolicited
opinions on others, think about this.....................
They ALL promise change.
How about if they run on a promise of restoration rather
than change. A restoration that would take us back in time to a place
where things ran better, smoother and life was more enjoyable.
Change? That, in truth, is what they have been giving us
all along.
We USED to have a strong dollar ... Politicians changed that.
Life USED to be sacred ... Politicians changed that.
Marriage USED to be sacred ... Politicians are changing that.
We USED to be respected around the world ... Politicians changed that.
*We USED to have a strong manufacturing economy ...
Politicians changed that.
*We USED to have lower tax structures ... Politicians changed that.
*We USED to enjoy more freedoms ... Politicians changed that.
*We USED to be a large exporter of American made goods ...
Politicians changed that. *
*We USED to be an OPENLY Christian nation ...Politicians changed that.*
*We USED to teach patriotism in schools ...Politicians changed that.
*We USED to educate children in schools ...Politicians changed that. *
*We USED to enjoy freedom of speech ... Politicians changed that. *
*We USED to ENFORCE LEGAL citizenship ...Politicians changed that. *
*We USED to have affordable food & gas prices... Politicians changed that, too...
and one could go on and on with this list. *
*What hasn't been changed, politicians are promising to change that as well
if you will elect them. *
*When, oh WHEN, is America going to sit back with open eyes and look at
what we once were and where we have come and say, enough is enough? *
*The trouble is, America's youthful voters today don't know of the great
America that existed forty and fifty years ago. They see the world as if it
has always existed, as it is now. *
*When will we wakeup? *
*Tomorrow may be too late. *
*When will America realize ... Politicians are what is wrong with America?
*CHANGE....NO!!!! *
*RESTORE.....YES!!!!
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN? After an armored car was robbed in front of a
bank in Monroe, Wash., police were reasonably confident they'd find the
culprit: the man was wearing a yellow vest, safety goggles, a
respirator mask, and a blue shirt. But when officers arrived, they
found more than a dozen men dressed that way. They were all responding
to an ad on the Craigslist site for road workers, who were told to meet
at the bank at that time wearing a "Yellow vest, safety goggles, a
respirator mask ... and, if possible, a blue shirt," one of the men
recited. The robber has not been found. (Seattle Times) ...Let's hope
the cops looked through all of their identical lunch boxes.
TWO OUT OF THREE AIN'T BAD: After the driver of an SUV on his way home
from work hit a fox near Dover, Tenn., he stopped to retrieve the
animal. "The tails are real bushy and pretty and thick this time of
year," said Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency officer Dale
Grandstaff, and the driver wanted to keep it, which is legal. He put
the body in the back seat and continued toward home. Then he heard
something from the back and realized the fox was still alive. As he
tried to find something to shield himself from the now-angry fox, the
driver lost control and rolled the vehicle. The driver was treated for
minor injuries, but the fox was now really dead. The driver's name:
Tommy Fox. (Nashville Tennessean) ...Whose tail may be bushy and thick,
but it's unlikely to be pretty.
Your Use of Time
This devotional was written by Jim Burns
Thou hast made the moon to mark the seasons, the sun knows it’s time for setting. —Psalm 104:19 RSV
Today you were handed from God 24 hours to live life to the fullest. That's 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds. Sometimes we get so busy and distracted we miss the fact that each rising, sun brings new opportunities and adventures on this planet we call Earth.
God gives us one new day at a time so that we aren't distracted by the future or paralyzed by the past. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make the most of today. Enjoy God's gift to you. You can accomplish a great deal with the 1440 minutes in a day. Today stop and take advantage of all that God has provided for you.
The greatest commodity you have at your fingertips is time. Everyone has the same amount of time to use or waste today. The happiness in your life depends on how you use your time.
Periodically I need to take an evaluation of how I am using my time. This little list helps me keep perspective:
Take time to THINK-it is the source of power.
Take time to PLAY-it is the secret of perpetual youth.
Take time to be FRIENDLY-it is the road to happiness.
Take time to LOVE-it is a God-given privilege.
Take time to READ-it is a fountain of wisdom.
Take time to PRAY-it is the greatest power on earth.
Take time to LAUGH-it is the music of the soul.
Take time to GIVE-it is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to WORK-it is the price of success.
My Wife Puts 40 Years of Marriage into Perspective!
AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,
"HONEY, 40 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT,
A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV,
BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
NOW I HAVE A $800,000 HOME, A $65,000 CAR, A KING-SIZE BED
AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV,
BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 61-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.
SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND
FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL,
AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD
ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT,
DRIVING A CHEAP CAR,
SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND
WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
Pressing-On
02-03-2009, 08:38 PM
My Wife Puts 40 Years of Marriage into Perspective!
AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,
"HONEY, 40 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT,
A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV,
BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
NOW I HAVE A $800,000 HOME, A $65,000 CAR, A KING-SIZE BED
AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV,
BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 61-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.
SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND
FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL,
AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD
ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT,
DRIVING A CHEAP CAR,
SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND
WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
:thumbsup :toofunny
The Federal Reserve announced today that in an effort to be ecologically correct and save on the high cost of printing paper money they are out sourcing printing money to a private company.
The New Bills will be on rolls and can be detached at perforated ends. The company that won the contract to produce the Rolls of Money is Proctor and Gamble, one of the worlds largest toilet paper company's with plants in several countries.
A spokesman for the toilet paper giant said that "they will begin delivery to the Federal Reserve in armored trucks April 1, 2010 in time for the expected hyperinflation. We think that people will appreciate the convenience of using rolls of bills that can be stacked in a wheel barrow instead of loose bills that are messy and hard to stack. An added benefit it is made of the same high quality soft paper that you come to expect from the makers of Charmin."
Pressing-On
02-09-2009, 08:51 PM
The Federal Reserve announced today that in an effort to be ecologically correct and save on the high cost of printing paper money they are out sourcing printing money to a private company.
The New Bills will be on rolls and can be detached at perforated ends. The company that won the contract to produce the Rolls of Money is Proctor and Gamble, one of the worlds largest toilet paper company's with plants in several countries.
A spokesman for the toilet paper giant said that "they will begin delivery to the Federal Reserve in armored trucks April 1, 2010 in time for the expected hyperinflation. We think that people will appreciate the convenience of using rolls of bills that can be stacked in a wheel barrow instead of loose bills that are messy and hard to stack. An added benefit it is made of the same high quality soft paper that you come to expect from the makers of Charmin."
Somehow I think this is a subtle message of what the bailout money is worth and what you can do with it! :thumbsup
Rhoni
02-26-2009, 12:02 PM
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
When you have a lot of things to do, it's best to get your nap out of the way first.'
Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor!'
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
Are You Willing to Change Course?
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt
There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.— Proverbs 14:12 (NLT)
A battleship appeared to be on a collision course with another ship one foggy evening. The battleship’s captain, radioed to the unknown ship, “Advise you change course 20 degrees to avoid collision.” Someone on a radio replied, “Advise you change course 20 degrees to avoid collision.” The battleship’s captain was not amused. He radioed back, “I am a ship’s captain. Change course 20 degrees, now!” Then came another reply, “I’m a seaman, second-class, and I advise you to change course 20 degrees, now!” The captain was furious, “This is a battleship! I order you to change course 20 degrees, immediately!” The seaman radioed back, “I am a lighthouse!”
Have you ever found yourself in a situation, not unlike the ship’s captain, where you just don’t want to budge on your position? Everyone is stubborn from time to time, but people who live a lifestyle of stubbornness are dangerous to their relationships and spiritual lives.
When we are overly stubborn with others we build walls that prevent relationships from growing. When those walls are high enough, they actually cause relationships to die.
Relationships are based on give and take. In successful relationships no one has their own way all of the time. Both in friendships and in family relationships, the one who is never willing to “change course” damages those relationships.
Stubbornness in our relationship with God works much in the same way as stubbornness with friends and family. Being stubborn with God means that we really don’t want to please the Lord. We want to call our own shots and determine our own course in life.
In our stubbornness, we reduce God’s role in our lives to that of a pocket genie, the “magic lamp” we rub and ask for favors when we want something for ourselves.
Being stubborn with God is sin, plain and simple.
When refusing to change course we might well find ourselves, much like the battleship captain, on the verge of disaster. We may get what we want, but getting what we want can actually destroy us.
Rhoni
06-02-2009, 06:21 AM
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24.. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30 Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
God led the holy man to two doors.. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand..'
It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Timmy
06-04-2009, 11:34 AM
Hi my friends.
Does anybody know about this site: *SPAM link removed by admin* One of my friend suggested me to register on it and ... . Please if anybody has any information inform me.
:heart
Oh yes, it's a wonderful site. It'll enlighten you, entertain you, make you rich beyond your wildest dreams, and it will even cure your dandruff.
:heeheehee
Warning Grooves
By Kelly McFadden
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Have you ever come home at 11:30 p.m. for a midnight curfew? It’s not likely. I remember waiting on my front steps until 11:59 p.m. before going inside.
When given the opportunity, it seems to be in our nature to push the limits to the very farthest degree.
Perhaps you’ve asked this question before: how far is too far? How much noise can I make until I push Mom over the edge? How fast over the speed limit can I drive before the police will pull me over? How much can I cheat before getting caught?
We like walking on the edge. The problem is that when we live life near the edge, we can go too far before we realize it.
It’s like being on a winding mountain road. On many of them, as you near the edge, you’ll hit a series of warning grooves that cause you to start bumping along. They are there to remind you to get back on the right track. Driving on the edge of a road is dangerous, because it can be easy to lose control and drive off the edge.
The Christian life is much the same. I used to think some of the rules in the Bible were cumbersome. I have come to realize, however, that it is these very guidelines—like warning grooves on a road—that help keep me from flying over the edge and losing control in my life.
God’s commandments and principles are there for our protection so we can experience all God wants us to experience. Typically, when people lose control of their lives, it hasn’t been just one bad decision that launches them off a moral cliff, but a series of bad decisions along the way.
The Scriptures, the Holy Spirit and our brothers and sisters in Christ help provide us with the warning grooves and the guardrails we need to keep us from flying out of control and going over the edge.
Thank God today for giving us the help we need to stay on the “narrow road."
Taken from my devotional reading today... It ministered to me, and I hope it will do the same for someone else.
~~~~~~
Psalm 40:2 - He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.~ KJV
~~
One way you realize you are out of a pit is that you're feet are finally planted on a rock and you've got a firm place to stand.
Winds may blow, and waters rise- but you will not lose ground.
God is not just a firm place to stand. He's a firm place to stay.
It's not just about getting out of the pit for a while, it's about getting out of the pit for good. If that's what we want, we have to make up our minds.
The ground beneath our feet is only as firm as our resolve. As long as we're wishy-washy, what's under us will be wishy-washy too.
God gives us a firm place to stand. We just have to decide if we want to take it.
We take the firm place God gives when we make up our minds, and plant both our feet.
~ Excerpt taken from "Looking UP, When Life is Looking Down" by Beth Moore.
Taken from my devotional reading today... It ministered to me, and I hope it will do the same for someone else.
~~~~~~
Psalm 40:2 - He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.~ KJV
~~
One way you realize you are out of a pit is that you're feet are finally planted on a rock and you've got a firm place to stand.
Winds may blow, and waters rise- but you will not lose ground.
God is not just a firm place to stand. He's a firm place to stay.
It's not just about getting out of the pit for a while, it's about getting out of the pit for good. If that's what we want, we have to make up our minds.
The ground beneath our feet is only as firm as our resolve. As long as we're wishy-washy, what's under us will be wishy-washy too.
God gives us a firm place to stand. We just have to decide if we want to take it.
We take the firm place God gives when we make up our minds, and plant both our feet.
~ Excerpt taken from "Looking UP, When Life is Looking Down" by Beth Moore.
Thanks for sharing, Tina. That was good..
Just a little more to share--
Another excerpt from "Looking UP When Life Is Looking Down" by Beth Moore-
~~
God offers you a firm place to stand, but your feet are not planted until you make up your mind that's where you want to be. He will not force you to stand. He most assuredly will not force you to stay. Until you make up your mind-- your feet are set upon a banana peel.
You may stand while the wind is calm, but when the storm hits and the floodwaters rise-- the undertow will leave you gasping for air.
Circumstances will offer unceasing invitations back into the pit. If your victory depends on circumstances-- you might as well wave the white flag and surrender to defeat.
OR you could make up your mind that you're in with God, standing on the rock for the rest of your days.
Having a firm place to stand doesn't mean life isn't hard and temptations don't come...
but once you decide where you're putting your feet--- it's a mighty firm place to stand.
:)
I am just getting around to checking email today, and wanted to share this...
~~~~~~
It's nice to know that sometimes God confirms to us exactly what we need to hear-- exactly when we need to hear it.
I'd been doing devotional and prayer this morning-- and was feeling rather stressed over how we are going to make it over the next month since the factory is closing for a week of forced vacation-- and our budget will still have the same bills-- on a week less income for the month. I had the list of bills laying in front of me while I was praying-- and just left it in God's hands in prayer-- then put it back away in my bill folder.
I knew deep within in my heart that God will provide. He's never failed to do so---but you know how our human nature is.
I opened my email just a few minutes ago, and this was waiting on me.
-----------
God Provides
By Jim Burns
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the doors will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.
Matthew 7:7-11
God cares for you. He wants the best for you. He always has your best interest in mind. Because He is your loving heavenly Father you must tell Him your needs constantly. He wants to provide abundant life and abundant blessings for you.
George Muller was a man of great faith in our God as a provider for the children in his orphanage in England. One day, things looked bleak for the children in his orphanage at Ashley Downs. It was time for breakfast, and there was no food. A small girl whose father was a close friend of Muller was visiting in the home. Muller took her hand and said, "Come and see what our Father will do." In the dining room, long tables were set with empty plates and empty mugs. Not only was there no food in the kitchen, but there was no money in the home's account. Muller prayed, "Dear Father, we thank Thee for what Thou art going to give us to eat." Immediately, they heard a knock at the door. When they opened it, there stood the local baker. "Mr. Muller," he said, "I couldn't sleep last night. Somehow I felt you had no bread for breakfast, so I got up at two o'clock and baked fresh bread. Here it is." Muller thanked him and gave praise to God. Soon, a second knock was heard. It was the milkman. His cart had broken down in the front of the orphanage. He said he would like to give the children the milk so he could empty the cart and repair it.
There's a word that comes to my mind after reading that incredible story. It's not necessarily a spiritual word—but it's the word I bet was also on the mind of the hungry children that day. WOW. What else can you do but take a moment to thank God for all his provisions?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How's that for the Word speaking directly to me? :D
He knows our every need-- and he WILL provide.
Reinstalled
By Kelly McFadden
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering…
Romans 8:1-3
With no warning, my computer suddenly shut off. My insides screamed, “No, no, no, no!” while on the outside I somehow maintained a relatively calm composure.
Silently, I begged for a favor from God to bring my computer back to life. I hit the power button and held my breath. Nothing. I turned my laptop upside down, made sure all the screws were tight, shook it around a bit and tried again.
The glorious sound of the computer turning on chimed through the speakers. “It’s alive!” I screamed in triumph. Quickly, I backed up all of data. But, it didn’t last long. Within a few days, my computer died once again.
To fix the computer, I had to delete everything on the computer and then reinstall from scratch back onto the hard drive. After reloading the original software, I added the personal files I had saved.
As I did, I couldn’t help but think about the way God reinstalls us when we crash.
God molds us, and designs us. He gives us each some similar components, making us in His image. Then, He goes beyond creating carbon copies. He gives each of us a little of this, a bit of that—those things that make us unique—something like the personal drivers and varieties of software and files we add to make each of our computers unique.
In a way that also reminds me of computers, people often get overloaded with information, worry, struggles and, of course, we all get infected with that nasty virus we call sin.
These problems cause trouble in our lives and without the right remedy, we crash. Fortunately, our remedy, Jesus Christ, is always there for us with open arms, ready to help troubleshoot our problem areas.
God is always available to repair and restore our souls. When we seek Him, He comes to put the pieces back together.
Each of us has our own set of struggles, sins and failures. Isn’t it great to know that Jesus has already paid the price to have us cleaned up? He has paid the full price. He is waiting for each of us to ask Him to repair our souls.
GOOD ADVICE TO LIVE BY
If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends....B1.
The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Minds are like parachutes...they function only when open.
Ideas won't work unless YOU do.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
Don't learn safety rules by accident.
We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks it's head out.
One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
AND FINALLY...
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!!!
-- Author Unknown
PARABLE OF THE PENCIL
The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.
Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you will make.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.
And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.
The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.
Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you might make or grow through them.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.
And Five: On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything.
By understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart and a relationship with God daily.
-- Author Unknown
Uncommon Courtesy
By Leslie Snyder
And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.
Matthew 10:42 (ESV)
Nothing quenches the thirst like water. Sports drinks, fruit juices, sodas and coffee provide the body with flavorful refreshment, but when the body thirsts, true satisfaction comes only from water.
In the poignant reflection, A Severe Mercy, author Sheldon Vanauken candidly shares the story of the deep, bittersweet love he shared with his wife, Davy. In the beginning of their relationship, they defined a symbol of courtesy toward each other—a cup of water in the night—a courtesy that represented the selfless love one had for the other.
Giving a cup of cold water to another is both simple and inconvenient.
If you are like me, you love the comfort of a warm bed. You likely have a favorite pillow, blanket or certain type of sheets that once wrapped around you are equal to a warm embrace.
When I am this comfortable, I don’t like to get out of bed for a cup of water for myself, let alone for someone else. Yet the simple act of leaving your personal comforts to care for the needs of another demonstrates the love Jesus shared with us when He left the ultimate comfort and joy of heaven to live life here on earth.
In the above passage, Jesus explains that no act of kindness, no matter how small, goes unnoticed or unrewarded when it is done in His name.
In the book of Matthew, Jesus shares the story of the sheep and the goats, illustrating the difference between those who care for the simple needs of others and those who choose to look away.
In Eugene Peterson’s Bible paraphrase, The Message, he conveys Matthew 25:40 in this way, “Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.”
Serving another person is often inconvenient. It takes time, energy, personal resources, and sometimes, personal discomfort. It is so much easier to look away and to assume someone else will do it. However, Jesus invites us to serve Him by caring for the needs of others. Today and everyday the invitation remains. How will you respond?
How I learned to mind my own business :
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
What was going on.....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
Statements of Deep Thought
- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
( now that ever happens to me .... )
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with ?
- There is a great need for sarcasm font.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take
2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test
is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I
will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had
to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone
can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
- I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit?
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
THE SIMPLE WHITE ENVELOPE
It's just a small white envelope stuck among the branches of our
Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has
peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.
It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas --oh, not the true
meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it – the overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma --the gifts given in desperation
because you couldn't think of anything else.
Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts,
sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for something special just for
Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended.
Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against another
team sponsored by an inner-city church.
These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed
to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast
to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.
As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.
It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.
Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as
each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his
tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't
acknowledge defeat.
Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them
could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like
this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids -- all
kids -- and he knew them, having coached little league football,
baseball, and lacrosse.
That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a
local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling
headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.
On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree,the note inside
telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His
smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in
succeeding years.
For each Christmas, I followed the tradition
--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a
hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose
home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.
The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas . It was always the
last thing opened on Christmas morning, and our children, ignoring their
new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the
envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.
As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but
the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there. You
see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer. When Christmas rolled around,
I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve
found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning it was
joined by three more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others,
had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and
someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing
around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers
take down the envelope.
Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.
May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for the season, and the
true Christmas spirit this year and always.
God Bless!
Sinatra
12-23-2009, 12:43 PM
Beautiful story! Thanks for posting it. I've never taken the time to say it, but I enjoy reading all the devotionals and stories you post here. Thanks for sharing them.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have been
operating in many of our churches. They have been identified as: Bin
Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.
Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the
Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the church disguised as
Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and
destroy.
However, there have been reports of a sixth group. A tiny cell known by
the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism
force in the church. Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team
does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along.
Bin Prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of
Christ. We have noticed that the Bin Prayin cell group has different
characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin
Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.
NO CHURCH IS EXEMPT! However, you can spot them if you
bin lookin and bin goin!
The economy is so bad that . . . .
1. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
2. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the
counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
3. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
4. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient
Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
5. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than
GM.
6. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
7. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned
their children's names.
8. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico
.
9. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
10. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
11. The Mafia is laying off judges.
12. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
13. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff
scandal. Oh, Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being
investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And,finally...
14. I was so depressed last night thinking about the
economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.
I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
This was posted by a friend on facebook-
On this day, God wants you to know...... that difficult people are very important, - they teach you tolerance and acceptance. If all was going your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't everyone? Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life.
Timmy
01-14-2010, 04:47 PM
I don't know any difficult people.
:heeheehee
Living With What We Don't Understand
By Jim Burns & Jim Liebelt
…the Lord our God is righteous in everything He does.
Daniel 9:14
I wish we all could have lived the rest of our lives without hearing of another natural disaster. But, here we go again. I don't know anyone who isn't moved by the devastating earthquake in Haiti.
Once again, we are struck with grief that so many lives were cut short and many more people are suffering in the quake’s aftermath.
Once again, we have felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of this tragedy. And personally, my heart goes out to the people whose lives will be forever changed by this event.
In times like this, my brain starts to short-circuit. Why do these tragic things happen to people? Where is God when these things happen? Honestly, I have to admit, I don’t understand.
Sure, theologians have explanations. Because of sin, we all deserve God’s wrath. Anything good we experience is due to God’s grace and mercy. (I believe these things, by the way!) But, while I understand that natural disasters happen, they still don’t compute. I can’t get my brain around them.
Some might see these issues as a roadblock to faith, because they can’t “believe” in a God who would allow such tragedies. But, do you know what I’ve discovered? It’s okay that we don’t always understand. Even though I don’t understand – and can be frustrated and angry at these tragedies – I still believe.
In fact, I think that part of a life of faith in God includes living with things we don’t understand.
Take for example the Biblical account of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt. The Bible makes it clear that God “hardened” Pharaoh’s heart. Pharaoh won’t let the Israelites leave Egypt. God, then holds Pharaoh responsible for his stubbornness and punishes him and all of Egypt as well.
From a human perspective something seems wrong with the picture, but I still believe God is righteous – always doing what is right. In fact, God defines the meaning of what is “right.” He sees the big picture. I cannot. He understands completely. I do not. He is God. I am not.
Perhaps, you – like me – are making a list of things that you don’t understand, filing them away so you can ask God about them when you stand before Him one day. I don’t think God has a problem with this!
When you encounter frustrations about life – and you find things you don’t understand – share them with God. He’s big enough to handle them. Then, resolve to believe that God, who is righteous, will always do the right thing. Live by faith, not by sight.
Pressing-On
01-15-2010, 05:26 PM
The economy is so bad that . . . .
1. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
2. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the
counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
3. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
4. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient
Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
5. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than
GM.
6. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
7. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned
their children's names.
8. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico
.
9. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
10. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
11. The Mafia is laying off judges.
12. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
13. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff
scandal. Oh, Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being
investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And,finally...
14. I was so depressed last night thinking about the
economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.
I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
:toofunny :toofunny :toofunny
All of these are funny, but I looooved the last one the best! :toofunny
New Beginnings
By Jim Burns
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
At a conference of the Governors of the States some years ago, an interesting question was raised during one of the political debates. What is the greatest thing in the world? It was absolutely quiet. None of the governors had an answer. Finally a young aide took the microphone and said, "The greatest thing in the world is that we can walk away from yesterday."
I'm not even sure if that young aide knew that she had just summarized the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The good news of the Christian faith is we can walk away from yesterday.
The Apostle Paul could walk away from his persecution of the Christians and answer the call to Christ (Acts 9).
The woman taken in adultery could walk away from her destructive lifestyle into a new journey with Jesus Christ (John 8).
Matthew could walk away from his job as a crooked tax collector and follow Christ into a new life (Mark 2).
The prodigal son could walk away from his life of moral failures in the far country and walk into the loving, forgiving arms of his father (Luke 15).
To walk away from the failures and guilt of yesterday lies at the very heart of forgiveness. This is no call to cop-out, dropout, or otherwise escape responsibility. But it is a liberating message that no one, absolutely no one, is tied to a past from which there is no release.
The "gospel" gladly sings of the possibility of new beginnings. Aren't you glad you are a Christian?
Shoes in Church
I showered and shaved.............. I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat................ In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer............. As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me...... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side....... I thought, 'Why must our soles touch?'
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine.. But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: 'Our Father'.............. I thought, 'This man with the shoes, has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the side!'
'Thank You for blessings,' the prayer went on.
The shoe man said................ A quiet 'Amen.'
I tried to focus on the prayer........ But my thoughts were on his shoes again..
Aren't we supposed to look our best. When walking through that door?
'Well, this certainly isn't it,' I thought, Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud..... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters........ His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering....... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out......... What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft 'clink' . As when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me......... To tears, and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service....... As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors, And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow........... And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer........ I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess..
But I thanked him for coming........... For being our guest.
He said, 'My names' Charlie............ I'm glad to meet you, my friend.'
There were tears in his eyes........... But he had a large, wide grin.
'Let me explain,' he said............. Wiping tears from his eyes.
'I've been coming here for months.... And you're the first to say 'Hi.''
'I know that my appearance..........'Is not like all the rest..
'But I really do try.................'To always look my best..'
'I always clean and polish my shoes...'Before my very long walk.
'But by the time I get here........'They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.'
My heart filled with pain............ And I swallowed to hide my tears..
As he continued to apologize............ For daring to sit so near
He said, 'When I get here..............'I know I must look a sight.
'But I thought if I could touch you....'Then maybe our souls might unite.'
I was silent for a moment............ Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
'Oh, you've touched me,' I said.......'And taught me, in part;
'That the best of any man..............'Is what is found in his heart.'
The rest, I thought,................ This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am..... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul.
Fool Proof Best Friend Test:
This is a fool proof Best Friend Test. If you don't believe it, just try this-
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
Questions
By Mike DeVries
How long, LORD? Will you hide yourself forever? How long will your wrath burn like fire? Lord, where is your former great love, which in your faithfulness you swore to David?
Psalm 89:46, 49
At some age, kids become professional questioners. One day everything is normal, life is humming along quite nicely, and then it begins. “Dad, why is the sky blue? How did it get to be blue anyway? Is there something behind it?” “Mom, why is yellow called ‘yellow’?”
You get the idea.
Kids ask their parents questions because they believe their parents truly know the answers. In a strange sort of way, it is the asking of the question that shows their greatest sense of faith.
This has all kinds of implications, doesn’t it?
For example, some people believe that to question God is the ultimate form of disobedience. Questioning God shows a lack of faith. I don’t agree.
Time and again in the Scriptures we come across people who cried out to God. They cried out to God because they knew that He had been faithful in the past, and that they needed Him to be faithful once again in the present. “God, where are you? I thought you were a loving God. Where’s this loving God that I thought you were?” Perhaps you’ve asked the same kinds of questions. When you and I ask hard questions of God, we are standing in the stream of this ancient tradition, one that is captured time and again in the Scriptures.
It is in the asking of your honest, gut-wrenching questions, the ones filled with anger and frustration, that you are expressing a deep sense of faith. We cry out to God, in frustration and in anger, because we believe that He is the only one who can do something about it.
Wherever you are in your faith journey, know that you can come to God honestly with your questions, your doubts and your frustrations. It just might be the most faith-filled thing you can do.
When Insults Had Class ...
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it"
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Flu Season
By Kelly McFadden
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:10-12
During the winter months, sales of vitamin C and Echinacea go up as people prepare to battle the flu. Pharmacies and doctors’ offices offer vaccinations to increase immunity to these pesky viruses.
Resources for fighting the flu include making sure your immune system has a boost with extra vitamins, taking precautionary measures of flu shots, avoiding people who are sick, washing your hands and getting plenty of rest.
Throughout the Bible, differences are noted between the worldly and the spiritual. There is worldly wealth versus spiritual wealth, worldly teaching versus spiritual teaching and worldly health versus spiritual health. Ephesians Chapter 6 addresses the issue of spiritual health. The Apostle Paul urges believers to build up their spiritual immune system so they are prepared to step into spiritual battle.
The Bible offers resources to make sure each person is spiritually strong. What is your strategy to combat a spiritual virus? What is your plan to be spiritually healthy, and not weakened by a spiritual flu?
In the same way you work to stay physically healthy, you must take steps and measures to remain spiritually healthy. Equip yourself with truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God and prayer. You don’t only need one or two of these to protections to keep yourself spiritually healthy. You need them all.
These are spiritual disciplines that can help you to become spiritually strong. You must put on the full armor of God.
Some of these disciplines are solitude, prayer, obedience, Bible study, confession, generosity, serving and worship. What are you doing to live a spiritually healthy lifestyle? How can you make sure you are staying healthy during every season of your life?
Don’t be surprised when spiritual battles come; be ready. For the important battle is not against the worldly forces, but the spiritual ones.
5 Reasons Women Hate February
It may come as a huge surprise to the men of America, but many women hate the month of February. If you try to discuss this with them, many men will say, “C’mon, you women love that sort of thing.” What sort of thing? Therein lies the problem.
Here are 5 very important reasons that we wouldn’t mind if February were a leap MONTH and we could skip it all together.
1. The Football Season still isn’t over. We used to be able to resume our marriages and important conversations with men before the end of January but now that the NFL Season has been stretched into February, we have to wait another week for the trash to go out. While most women actually enjoy the Super Bowl with its parties, commercials, and crazy half-time show, having it in February rather than earlier in the year is a real bummer.
2. Valentine’s Day. The patron saint of greeting cards is now remembered by overpriced meals with bad service at crowded restaurants. Men face unbelievable pressure to “step up” for this occasion and buy flowers three times too expensive, and worse yet feel compelled to buy something with a heart on it. They willingly rely on a greeting card conglomerate to personally express their “intimate feelings,” which goes about as well as skipping it all together.
3. Couple Mania. If we’re not single, we care about someone who is and we can imagine how it feels during the month of February. The whole commercial craze creates “holiday” feelings of loneliness (that many have just spent January in therapy for) in order to capitalize on the ever important “couple’s specials.” It’s painful.
4. Cheap Chocolate. Mass quantities of chocolate hearts begin to appear. The Christmas chocolate has been melted and reshaped into the forms of Valentine Love, which explains the taste. This “quality” chocolate appears in the most unlikely places, places you would never see chocolate on any other occasion—the pumps at gas stations, the lumber isle at home improvement stores, the check out counter at the Jiffy Lube—trying to catch the attention of the gender that doesn’t understand chocolate and persuade them to buy it now, right now, for their true “love.”
5. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Not only is women’s swimming suddenly the most popular sport, the magazine arrives in the dead of winter. Many of us haven’t hit the gym in a month or two because our car is frozen solid. We haven’t seen the sun in months and our legs are pasty white or coated with dry winter snakeskin. We’re carrying the few extra pounds from cheap chocolate we felt compelled to eat over Valentine’s Day, and we get sand kicked in our face from a beautiful woman frolicking in pot-holder sized swimwear from some warm beautiful location. It’s just too much.
A few hopeful ways to survive one of the worst months of the year:
Create a Super Bowl commercial score sheet for everyone that will determine your group’s winning ad.
Host a Valentine Party with couples and lots of single friends. Your friends will appreciate going anywhere other than a restaurant.
Order or pick up some nice chocolate (like Godiva) for your husband or significant other early in the month (i.e. before they buy any for you) to enjoy “together” for Valentine’s Day.
When the SI issue arrives, paste the head of your mother on the bodies of all the models.
Timmy
02-06-2010, 03:23 PM
5 Reasons Women Hate February
It may come as a huge surprise to the men of America, but many women hate the month of February. If you try to discuss this with them, many men will say, “C’mon, you women love that sort of thing.” What sort of thing? Therein lies the problem.
Here are 5 very important reasons that we wouldn’t mind if February were a leap MONTH and we could skip it all together.
1. The Football Season still isn’t over. We used to be able to resume our marriages and important conversations with men before the end of January but now that the NFL Season has been stretched into February, we have to wait another week for the trash to go out. While most women actually enjoy the Super Bowl with its parties, commercials, and crazy half-time show, having it in February rather than earlier in the year is a real bummer.
2. Valentine’s Day. The patron saint of greeting cards is now remembered by overpriced meals with bad service at crowded restaurants. Men face unbelievable pressure to “step up” for this occasion and buy flowers three times too expensive, and worse yet feel compelled to buy something with a heart on it. They willingly rely on a greeting card conglomerate to personally express their “intimate feelings,” which goes about as well as skipping it all together.
3. Couple Mania. If we’re not single, we care about someone who is and we can imagine how it feels during the month of February. The whole commercial craze creates “holiday” feelings of loneliness (that many have just spent January in therapy for) in order to capitalize on the ever important “couple’s specials.” It’s painful.
4. Cheap Chocolate. Mass quantities of chocolate hearts begin to appear. The Christmas chocolate has been melted and reshaped into the forms of Valentine Love, which explains the taste. This “quality” chocolate appears in the most unlikely places, places you would never see chocolate on any other occasion—the pumps at gas stations, the lumber isle at home improvement stores, the check out counter at the Jiffy Lube—trying to catch the attention of the gender that doesn’t understand chocolate and persuade them to buy it now, right now, for their true “love.”
5. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Not only is women’s swimming suddenly the most popular sport, the magazine arrives in the dead of winter. Many of us haven’t hit the gym in a month or two because our car is frozen solid. We haven’t seen the sun in months and our legs are pasty white or coated with dry winter snakeskin. We’re carrying the few extra pounds from cheap chocolate we felt compelled to eat over Valentine’s Day, and we get sand kicked in our face from a beautiful woman frolicking in pot-holder sized swimwear from some warm beautiful location. It’s just too much.
A few hopeful ways to survive one of the worst months of the year:
Create a Super Bowl commercial score sheet for everyone that will determine your group’s winning ad.
Host a Valentine Party with couples and lots of single friends. Your friends will appreciate going anywhere other than a restaurant.
Order or pick up some nice chocolate (like Godiva) for your husband or significant other early in the month (i.e. before they buy any for you) to enjoy “together” for Valentine’s Day.
When the SI issue arrives, paste the head of your mother on the bodies of all the models.
OK! :nutso
A Love Story
By Jim Liebelt
I trust in God’s unfailing love, for ever and ever.
Psalm 52:8
Around Valentine’s Day most people think about love. With all of the media hype, even people who aren’t in love, think about love! Here, however, is a great story (author unknown) about the depths of real love; a love that goes far beyond romance; and a love that is instructive to all!
It was a busy morning, about 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided since I was not busy with another patient that I would evaluate his wound. It had healed well, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his stitches. While taking care of the wound we began a conversation.
I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment that morning as he was in such a hurry. He told me no, but that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired about her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while and that she had Alzheimer’s disease.
As we talked, I asked him if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and that she had not recognized him in five years.
I was surprised, and asked him why he was still going every morning to visit his wife even though she didn’t know who he is. He smiled and patted my hand and said,
“She doesn’t know me but I still know who she is.”
I tried to hold back tears as he left—I had goose bumps on my arm—and I thought to myself, this is the kind of love I want in my life.
We all want to be loved in that kind of way—a love that remains strong and unchanged even when we don’t recognize it! Thank God that He loves us in that same way!
Though we may not recognize it, feel it, appreciate it and even take it for granted, God’s love for us never changes! He is always there for us! And God’s love for us sets the example of how we are to love others: our spouses, children, close friends, casual friends, and strangers alike.
As we celebrate another Valentine’s Day, may you be reminded of God’s love and experience it in a new and fresh way – and pass that same kind of love on to the loved ones in your life!
The Greatest Love
By Kelly McFadden
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:12-13
Here are a few great things some children had to say about love:
• Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.
• When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
• Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
• Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
• Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
• Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
• I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
• There are two kinds of love: Our love & God's love. But God makes both kinds of them. Love is important to God.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” There is no greater love than what Jesus did for us on the cross. He laid down His life so that all would have the opportunity to be clean, pure and blameless before God the Father. He died, shamed on the cross so that we can spend eternity with Him. These kids are right in many ways regarding how we show love to each other, but there is no greater or perfect love than God sending His Son to die for us.
Take some time this Valentine’s Day to thank God, who loves you more than anyone, for His great gift and for showing of love to you.
God is Love
By Mike DeVries
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God for God is love.
1 John 4:7-8
There is an old Far Side cartoon that I find fascinating. It’s a picture of God, with a full grey beard, sitting on a high-tech throne gazing intently into a computer screen in front of Him. As He observes the world below, the screen focuses on a single person, and God’s finger hovers over a button with a single word etched onto it... smite.
It’s odd, is it not, that these sort of images are ones we’ve come to associate with God?
Yet if we were truly honest with ourselves, we would have to admit that this is exactly how many people in our world see God: a vengeful god, looking upon his creation with disgust, safely tucked away far from the wretchedness of this world, peering and looking for someone doing something “wrong.”
Judgment. Wrath. Anger. Condemnation. Here’s something worth pondering: When we present God to an unbelieving world, are these characteristics the hallmarks of how describe Him? Do we primarily point the finger, in order to expose “evil” and “darkness”? If that’s all we do, it’s no wonder that the unbelieving world views God in these terms. But, there’s so much more we ought to say to paint a fuller picture of the God we serve!
I find it remarkable that when John speaks of God, he simply says, “God is love.” I think we can easily forget the revolutionary nature of that statement. Though God is seen in the Scriptures employing wrath, anger and judgment, when it comes to defining God they never describe Him in terms such as “God is judgment,” or “God is wrath.” Rather, they proclaim, “God is love.” God’s essential character is, first and foremost, love. Everything God does, He does through the lens of love. He does nothing outside of love.
Because God is love.
And if we are to believe what John wrote, those who know God ought to make it their priority to be and do the same.
Very few times do the Scriptures make this kind of amazing statement – do you want to know what it means to know God, to be born of God? One single word: Love. Those who love know and are born of God. Those who do not love do not know God. In short, it is inconceivable to John that a follower of God would not be and do what is the most essential character of Him whom they claim to follow, namely, love.
We say God is love, but do we actually love? Do people in your life feel a deep sense of being loved, or being condemned? Only one of those is the way of God.
Love. Just love.
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