The Sadness of a Testimony

[Mercy]

Hi everyone.

I have a question for those of you that God has delivered from something and He has given you opportunity to use that situation (testimony) to witness to others.

Background:

Several years ago (although it seems like this morning) I was in a very bad automobile wreck. I remember sharing it on a testimony thread but I think it was a different board than this one. NEhoo, I broke everything, literally, (head on collision with an 18 wheeler going about 70 mph) lost my fiancé, and spent several months in the hospital, and several years after that rehabilitating to some level of physical normalcy. Most people when they meet me now only see the physical scars I have from all the breaks and surgeries, but don’t know what they are from, or notice the limp I have perfected.

Ok,

So about a month ago one of my co workers that I am super cool with had a kid have a pretty bad accident. He was riding his bicycle and was hit by a car. He broke his leg pretty bad but didn’t really damage anything else (which is awesome cuz he wasn't wearing a helmet).

So the kid has been in and out of the hospital cuz of the break not healing right, he got an infection and has to do the IV meds, etc. So his dad talks to me everyday about it...some for the knowledge I have cuz his situation is a very small scale mirror image of mine, and some for comfort that his son will be ok… cuz I am ok.

I have been using the opportunity to share God's goodness and healing power.

But....

It has also been super, super hard for me reliving my situation everyday. Everyday. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to discourage him from talking to me about it cuz I know he's struggling with his emotions, and it gives me a chance to talk about God, but I don’t have an outlet for this sadness. I don’t know what to do.

It was a pretty horrific experience, not knowing if I was going to live, not knowing how to deal with the loss of someone so, so close to me, and trying to adjust to the constant physical and emotional pain. So talking about it everyday, all the stuff I had to go through (whether I am saying it or its just replaying in my mind) has been maddening.

I am currently actively working on dealing with this….residual….that was never properly addressed when the situation occurred, but that is on the side of this current situation.

I would like to know what do you do when you have to share a painful testimony….for the sake of giving God glory? What do you do with the sadness that abounds?

[Elizabeth]

Looks like God is turning the pain you experienced to an opportunity to minister to someone. He never wastes a trail we went through-

Ultimately, we belong to God and in our service to Him we have to willing to minister to who ever God has us to minister too, and share what He would have us to share.

I know it's horrible to have to rehash such a horrible event, but you are really helping someone--sometimes it's not the easiest thing to be used of God, it isnt always comfortable.


Have you ever read 90 minuets in Heaven? The man in the story was killed by someone driving a semi, but was brought back to life and suffered termendous physical pain in having to recover.

Now he travels the world sharing his experience--I think this book would help you-seeing he went through what you did.

[Mercy]

I think I have heard of that guy before. I know I am helping him, that is why I dont want to tell him to stop coming to me! (smile)

My question is...it's taken me a long time to even admit that I deal with sadness about this...and now it is so "in my face" it is over whelming, and I dont know what to do.

[Elizabeth]

I think I have heard of that guy before. I know I am helping him, that is why I dont want to tell him to stop coming to me! (smile)

My question is...it's taken me a long time to even admit that I deal with sadness about this...and now it is so "in my face" it is over whelming, and I dont know what to do.

I don't know you, forgive me for being blunt-

But it's not about you ok, it's about sharing what you have with someone else.

Perhaps sharing with him will take the sting out of talking about it.

God will help you, He totally will- you might have to pray like you never have had to pray before.

[Mercy]

I don't know you, forgive me for being blunt-

But it's not about you ok, it's about sharing what you have with someone else.

Perhaps sharing with him will take the sting out of talking about it.

God will help you, He totally will- you might have to pray like you never have had to pray before.

I think that is a misconception that allows for hurts to never be healed among church folk. It "is" about me...sometimes. God wants us to be free, and to use our experiences to bring others to him. He wants us healed, or else he would have never taken stripes for my healing.

We over come by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I was just asking for advise on how to ...be...while I overcome.

[Elizabeth]

I think that is a misconception that allows for hurts to never be healed among church folk. It "is" about me...sometimes. God wants us to be free, and to use our experiences to bring others to him. He wants us healed, or else he would have never taken stripes for my healing.

We over come by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I was just asking for advise on how to ...be...while I overcome.

Right it is in a sense about us that he saved, but still he saves us to minister to other people.

He never said it was going to be easy.

But when we minister it is not about us at all, it is about someone else-even if it is uncomfortable.

I am sorry about your terrible accident, but praise God he is turning it around to help someone else.

I think it's something that is going to make you pray like never before.

A lot of times no one can helps us or understand us like our creator.

Sorry I wasn't trying to be offensive.

[MawMaw]

I would like to know what do you do when you have to share a painful testimony….for the sake of giving God glory? What do you do with the sadness that abounds?

I certainly have not been through anything as bad as what you described sister...I do understand that this is very hard for you to have to think about it so much now that you are helping this man with his son's accident. God surely has you in this position now to help this man with much more than just the accident. What confidence the Lord has in you! :) I will remember you in my prayer time. God bless you.

[Mercy]

Thank u Lacey, for your prayers.

[Rhoni]

Mercy, Don't listen to the naysayers. Unfortunately healing is rare among church believers. For some reason it makes them feel superior that they have never suffered so. The Bible speaks about self-righteousness but that appears to be a more minor sin than discussing your pain and trying to find healing. Many times I have been healed through helping others go through similar circumstances.

I disagree that it is all about the one you are ministerring to. It is about both the one being used and the one being ministered to.

Don't wallow in your injury but be strengthened by the word of your testimony. Change the story to what God has wrought in a circumstance than what the devil meant to do when it happened.

Praying for your healing,
Rhoni

[Mercy]

I thank you all for your words/comments.

I am not trying to "get away" from the testimony, or anything like that. I am just mainly looking for advise on how to handle the residual sadness of reliving a traumatic event....after you've brought it back to the front of your mind. I am ok with being there for my friend. Just wanted to know what others did with the human side of the fallout of rememberance.

[Rhoni]

I thank you all for your words/comments.

I am not trying to "get away" from the testimony, or anything like that. I am just mainly looking for advise on how to handle the residual sadness of reliving a traumatic event....after you've brought it back to the front of your mind. I am ok with being there for my friend. Just wanted to know what others did with the human side of the fallout of rememberance.

Mercy, Everyone is different. I went to therapy for several years to process with an objective professional. It helps to talk about it and work through it one step at a time with a non-involved professional counselor.
Healing is progressive. Blessings, Rhoni

[shawndell]

Sister sometimes healing hurts,and it hurts bad!!Rhoni is right God uses poeple with the same situation to bring you to a place of healing even to a place where he uses you to help another that is in a simular place!!You know the pain is there but you stepped up to the plate any way and you are helping these poeple!God knows and sees your sacrfice and he will not leave you confortless!!You are his child,and you are special in his eyes,and it is also about you.We cant even walk with out him holding our hand!I love you sis.

[Mercy]

Thank you Rhoni and Shawndell. I understand what you are saying. I guess I just needed to vent a little. (smile) Trying to understand what I am feeling.

[Sinatra]

Mercy, It's ok for it to be about you also. You can't shut out your legitimate feelings. In order for you to heal completely, those feelings have to be acknowledged and dealt with.I believe, contrary to what many in the church may say, that it is when we hold these feelings in that we slow the healing process.

When my sister's oldest child was killed in a head on collision, she completely shut down and held it all in, thus becoming an angry and bitter person. I think if she had discussed what she was feeling and how she was feeling, she would have healed much quicker.

I agree with Rhoni, if you aren't seeing a professional, you probably should. I don't think that there is anything wrong with Christians seeking the help they need.

I also agree with the ones who say pray. God, after all is the complete healer and the lover of our souls. He understands all we feel.

However, I also understand that sometimes you simply need another person to vent to and that's ok, too. That's not wallowing, sometimes that's part of the healing process.

Continue being there for your friend. I know it's painful, but that too is part of the healing.

Mercy, somehow, through all of this pain and sadness; God is turning YOUR LIFE into a BEAUTIFUL testimony of His love.

I am praying for you,
Sinatra

[Mercy]

Thank you.


:sad





Mercy, It's ok for it to be about you also. You can't shut out your legitimate feelings. In order for you to heal completely, those feelings have to be acknowledged and dealt with.I believe, contrary to what many in the church may say, that it is when we hold these feelings in that we slow the healing process.

When my sister's oldest child was killed in a head on collision, she completely shut down and held it all in, thus becoming an angry and bitter person. I think if she had discussed what she was feeling and how she was feeling, she would have healed much quicker.

I agree with Rhoni, if you aren't seeing a professional, you probably should. I don't think that there is anything wrong with Christians seeking the help they need.

I also agree with the ones who say pray. God, after all is the complete healer and the lover of our souls. He understands all we feel.

However, I also understand that sometimes you simply need another person to vent to and that's ok, too. That's not wallowing, sometimes that's part of the healing process.

Continue being there for your friend. I know it's painful, but that too is part of the healing.

Mercy, somehow, through all of this pain and sadness; God is turning YOUR LIFE into a BEAUTIFUL testimony of His love.

I am praying for you,
Sinatra

[Sarah]

Mercy, you said the accident happened several years ago, but you didn't say just how long ago it happened. Maybe enough time hasn't gone by for the 'raw' pain not to be there. You mentioned losing your fiance'. I would guess that's where most of the sadness you mentioned comes from.

We lost a child almost two decades ago.......and sometimes it seems like it was just a year or so ago. You will always feel the pain, but it does get better.

I'm thinking that you need to continue talking (testifying) to this person, especially if he gets strength from it. Don't try to communicate to him that everything is just fine now, and you don't still suffer. He can see how far you've come, with God's help.

By talking to this person, I would venture to say that it is going to help you to continue to heal also.

Praying for you, and for the person you're witnessing to.

God bless........it will get better!

[Mercy]

Sarah,

It has been some time, 14 years this past March. But I really didnt deal with it AT ALL until last year. Just ignored it, which was easy to do because most of the focus has always been about the miracle and not the human side of things. Or how much of a "blessing I will be to someone else".

I pray it will eventually get better (as many have said before)....just wondering when! (smile)

Do you think it helped you "heal" because you had someone who could share your grief? I've often wondered if that is part of my "situation", no one knows just how it feels (because there is a lot of other things involved), and it seems like I am doing it all by myself.

[Sarah]

Sarah,

It has been some time, 14 years this past March. But I really didnt deal with it AT ALL until last year. Just ignored it, which was easy to do because most of the focus has always been about the miracle and not the human side of things. Or how much of a "blessing I will be to someone else".

I pray it will eventually get better (as many have said before)....just wondering when! (smile)

Do you think it helped you "heal" because you had someone who could share your grief? I've often wondered if that is part of my "situation", no one knows just how it feels (because there is a lot of other things involved), and it seems like I am doing it all by myself.


If you didn't start dealing with it until a year ago, that explains why you're feeling the way you are now. I hope you will continue to deal with the pain.......you must have stayed in denial for quite some time.

Mercy, I had many people to shared my grief with me, and looking back, I'm sure it helped. But at the time, that didn't even seem to matter.....the grief was just overpowering. My faith and trust in God, even when I didn't feel anything, was what brought me through the ordeal.

Trust me, you will get better. But you have to go THROUGH the healing process. There's just no way around it.

I strongly advise you to find someone to talk to. God is always there, but He understands that sometimes we just need another human to help us.

God bless!

[Mercy]

Yeah, I am working on "talking" about it. Its just hard finding people to understand enough to be compassionate. Most cant understand the denial I've been in to be able to understand how "Fresh" it is....so I get the "you should be past this by now" speeches, or "its not about me" speeches. So that makes me tend to internalize everything. But I am working on it (hence, seeking out what others do in times like this).

I'm getting there...its just super tough going through it alone. But I am making it. (smile)

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, I am working on "talking" about it. Its just hard finding people to understand enough to be compassionate. Most cant understand the denial I've been in to be able to understand how "Fresh" it is....so I get the "you should be past this by now" speeches, or "its not about me" speeches. So that makes me tend to internalize everything. But I am working on it (hence, seeking out what others do in times like this).

I'm getting there...its just super tough going through it alone. But I am making it. (smile)

I hope you are going to hold that over my head, I did say I was sorry for offending you.

[Mercy]

I hope you are going to hold that over my head, I did say I was sorry for offending you.


Hahahahahaha....you are certainly not the only person in my life to say that!

It didnt offend me, I was certain I would hear it at least once when I decided to post. It was expected.

You are forgiven, but I do hope you "think" about it before you say that to someone else. I think sometimes (we are all guilty of it) we say things without being compassionate. There is more than one way to say what we believe is the truth.

I grew up in the church, and from day one of the wreck that is all I have heard. How this happened to me for some magnificent wonderful display of God, without any consideration to what I might actually be going through.

Sometimes I just need to deal with the human emotions of it, beyond the "purpose".

I hope you can understand that.

[Elizabeth]

Hahahahahaha....you are certainly not the only person in my life to say that!

It didnt offend me, I was certain I would hear it at least once when I decided to post. It was expected.

You are forgiven, but I do hope you "think" about it before you say that to someone else. I think sometimes (we are all guilty of it) we say things without being compassionate. There is more than one way to say what we believe is the truth.

I grew up in the church, and from day one of the wreck that is all I have heard. How this happened to me for some magnificent wonderful display of God, without any consideration to what I might actually be going through.

Sometimes I just need to deal with the human emotions of it, beyond the "purpose".

I hope you can understand that.

I am sorry I ordinary do not say those things to people on AFF- I am a pastors wife and deal with a large group of people coming out of recovery. So I am pretty honest with them for the most part but I can see that your situation is different than theirs, I guess I was in recovery mode.-it works with them believe it or not.

I will pray that you find some 'safe' people to talk too- a counselor. It was a very traumatic event.

Does seem like a weird thing to tell someone that God has a marvelous plan out of everything, but I think people just do not know what to say many times and end up saying the wrong thing trying to say the right thing.