How to get over the Greatest Hurt

[Rhoni]

Some wounds are so deep that you can't even reach them. It is my understanding/observation that most issues that most human beings have are related to: abandonment, rejection, and self deprecation.

Where do they come from and where do they get put when you detach from them? Why do walls go up and bridges get burned?

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight. The image of God gets tarnished in some people's minds, hearts, & emotions. How does one change the lens that color their world gray or black?

Just some points to ponder for those who like to dig deep.

Blessings, Rhoni

[missourimary]

I'm not sure we ever detach from a past hurt, but we do have a choice to either learn from it and grow through it, turning it into a positive experience, or grow bitter and angry over it, making it a negative experience. And, even if we start out negatively, after time the experience can be used for growth-and vice versa.
Some hurts are so deep only God can reach them.

Another thing-I've heard people comfort someone saying 'time heals all wounds.' Does it? I don't think so. Time doesn't. God can. But don't expect him to always remove the scars. He is our healer, but oftentimes our scars remind us of lessons learned and victories won if we let them.

[ILG]

The greatest hurt of my life happened a number of years ago, which culminated in my husband and I leaving the United Pentecostal Church. We had fought a tremendous battle, were falsely accused repeatedly but continued to fight for those we knew were being abused. In the end, I questioned many times if it were worth it and I would not choose to do it again.

The Lord of the Rings is a tremendous story and when I was quite sick here a little while ago, I watched the whole thing. Sam and Frodo and the others fight a tremendous battle and they are a unique fellowship, one that cannot be understood except by those inside it. They share a unique bond.

In the end, Frodo leaves the shire, telling Sam "We set out to save the shire Sam, and we did.....but not for me".

Those words resonate in my heart. Frodo left with pain, yes, but with a peace and a smile that he knew he was going the right direction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mApx-001wRY

[Cindy]

Rejoice in your scars, for that means that God has healed your wounds.

[SeekingOne]

I am finding some wounds take a loooong time to heal. I sometimes feel like the pain is getting greater with time instead of better. If it were as simple as forgiving those who inflict the hurt, the pain would end immediately.

If someone could take away the memories of the people I love and can't call or hug, then maybe the hurt would heal. If someone could take away the family members who keep stabbing us again and again, maybe the wounds would heal.

Sometimes I feel like Paul, I prayed several times for the thorn to be removed, but God keeps saying His Grace is sufficient. Some pain we won't understand ever on this earth. Death looks really good sometimes, but God has a call on our lives and we must continue on and fulfill His purpose.

[simplyme]

Rejoice in your scars, for that means that God has healed your wounds.

AWESOME, I've heard this before., long ago., thanx for that reminder.

As for the question voiced at the start:
How does one change the lens that color their world gray or black?

I would have to say perhaps TIME, funny how it can/does give one a different
perspective.

With time comes (sometimes) wisdom., sometimes new info becomes
available that somewhat explains WHY a certain person hurt someone
else, not that it exonerates that person, but as regards forgiving, it just
might help to understand a bit better.

Some pains will just never go away, though., it just all depends on the
details., only GOD is capable of removing the deepest stuff.

[RevDWW]

My momma used to say, "quick picking at the scab if you want it to heal"........

[SeekingOne]

My momma used to say, "quick picking at the scab if you want it to heal"........

If only you could get others to quit picking at the scab. :sad

[Cindy]

If only you could get others to quit picking at the scab. :sad

Yep, and if you have to be around them often.

[RevDWW]

If only you could get others to quit picking at the scab. :sad

Yep, and if you have to be around them often.

There comes a time when we have to become responsible for our selves. Not taking blame for hurts inflicted on us by others, but maturing to the point we know we are able to respond to the things that come into our lives.

I must decide if I turn the other cheek or strike back.

Ah, the terrible power of choice.......

[missourimary]

I must decide if I turn the other cheek or strike back.

Ah, the terrible power of choice.......

Did Jesus specify what to do/not to do after we turned the other cheek? Are duck and wallop 'em back options? :thumbsup

[Sister Alvear]

However in the power of choice sometimes we all wonder if we made the right choice...While we all must chose to forgive sometimes those that hurt us stare us in the face day after day...

[Trouvere]

For many the wounds went on day after day and year after year and they were
powerless to change the situation. I find that when I people have been afflicted for
a long time only a miracle from Jesus can heal them. We can pray for them and encourage them but its going to take the power of a surrendered life coupled with the Holy Ghost
and much prayer. Many times these are the people that are hardest to get along with
due to the root of bitterness being so deep. Its especially bad when it happens to someone being raised in the church or married to an abusive partner.
When a child lives with someone who is in the pulpits of our churches and is a hypocrite at home the wounds are harder to uproot. I don't buy the don't keep picking at the scab theory. When I was a hospital nurse working pediatrics I had to give a lot of baths to badly burned children. I would have to give them pain killers and then go back and scrub the scabs off. Some wounds don't heal well with a scab on. The scab will cause them to be bound in one position and they will not be able to use a part of their body as it will be frozen in position. The scab has to be scrubbed off and its very painful and requires someone to do it who knows that the end result will be a good one and though he or she feels empathetic not so sympathetic to the point of not getting the job done.
Many times people need deliverance so badly and don't find it in our churches because the programs are in place and the Holy Ghost is not allowed to
do His job. People are not taught spiritual warfare and how to close doors and be delivered from the vexations that have kept them bound. Its not always the Pastor or elders fault as he or she may not know themselves having not been taught. It gives those who have been taught a greater responsibility to the Church as a whole.
Its a sad thing to have a form of Godliness and deny the power thereof.
The Bible speaks of this. When all we see is a religious spirit in the churches its a sad
day for everyone. Religion is not enough. People need genuine deliverance not another social experience. Many come to Jesus carrying deep hurts and wounds and need deliverance from spirits that have a hold on their minds, bodies and emotions. They keep fighting the same temptations over and over and losing out. We can write them off so easily rather than realizing we are the ones missing something. We need to learn how to help people get delivered and keep delivered. It takes the gifts of the Spirit to identify the problems and if our churches that claim to be Apostolic keep taking the lead and not allowing Jesus to lead then healing will not come.
I travel all over the U.S. and many churches are great praying and soul winning stations but also I have seen many churches don't allow Jesus to have His way. Some just want a small amount of the Spirit of Jesus to do a work and then they shut Him down because they want it to be a one man show or don't allow the gifts to be in operation out of fear or lack of knowledge. Jesus help us all. Its more of a mess than a blessing.
No wonder so many are full of hurts. Some of these things can be removed or sent packing by Jesus using the Church in the gifts.
Lately this has been a cry of my heart. I see so many who need freedom living in bondage claiming they are free but have no joy. I admit that when I preach I have reminded my husband to remind me to smile because I hate the enemy so much and when I see what he is doing to the saints it aggravates me a lot. I want to see joy in
the churches. I want to see the sisters smiling and happy and loving life not weighing
three hundred pounds with a pony tail and not feeling like even being there. We have
to have the joy of Jesus. It should be beaming out of us. Jesus help us all.

[Rhoni]

I'm not sure we ever detach from a past hurt, but we do have a choice to either learn from it and grow through it, turning it into a positive experience, or grow bitter and angry over it, making it a negative experience. And, even if we start out negatively, after time the experience can be used for growth-and vice versa.
Some hurts are so deep only God can reach them.

Another thing-I've heard people comfort someone saying 'time heals all wounds.' Does it? I don't think so. Time doesn't. God can. But don't expect him to always remove the scars. He is our healer, but oftentimes our scars remind us of lessons learned and victories won if we let them.

The greatest hurt of my life happened a number of years ago, which culminated in my husband and I leaving the United Pentecostal Church. We had fought a tremendous battle, were falsely accused repeatedly but continued to fight for those we knew were being abused. In the end, I questioned many times if it were worth it and I would not choose to do it again.

The Lord of the Rings is a tremendous story and when I was quite sick here a little while ago, I watched the whole thing. Sam and Frodo and the others fight a tremendous battle and they are a unique fellowship, one that cannot be understood except by those inside it. They share a unique bond.

In the end, Frodo leaves the shire, telling Sam "We set out to save the shire Sam, and we did.....but not for me".

Those words resonate in my heart. Frodo left with pain, yes, but with a peace and a smile that he knew he was going the right direction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mApx-001wRY

I am finding some wounds take a loooong time to heal. I sometimes feel like the pain is getting greater with time instead of better. If it were as simple as forgiving those who inflict the hurt, the pain would end immediately.

If someone could take away the memories of the people I love and can't call or hug, then maybe the hurt would heal. If someone could take away the family members who keep stabbing us again and again, maybe the wounds would heal.

Sometimes I feel like Paul, I prayed several times for the thorn to be removed, but God keeps saying His Grace is sufficient. Some pain we won't understand ever on this earth. Death looks really good sometimes, but God has a call on our lives and we must continue on and fulfill His purpose.

There comes a time when we have to become responsible for our selves. Not taking blame for hurts inflicted on us by others, but maturing to the point we know we are able to respond to the things that come into our lives.

I must decide if I turn the other cheek or strike back.

Ah, the terrible power of choice.......

However in the power of choice sometimes we all wonder if we made the right choice...While we all must chose to forgive sometimes those that hurt us stare us in the face day after day...

For many the wounds went on day after day and year after year and they were
powerless to change the situation. I find that when I people have been afflicted for
a long time only a miracle from Jesus can heal them. We can pray for them and encourage them but its going to take the power of a surrendered life coupled with the Holy Ghost
and much prayer. Many times these are the people that are hardest to get along with
due to the root of bitterness being so deep. Its especially bad when it happens to someone being raised in the church or married to an abusive partner.
When a child lives with someone who is in the pulpits of our churches and is a hypocrite at home the wounds are harder to uproot. I don't buy the don't keep picking at the scab theory. When I was a hospital nurse working pediatrics I had to give a lot of baths to badly burned children. I would have to give them pain killers and then go back and scrub the scabs off. Some wounds don't heal well with a scab on. The scab will cause them to be bound in one position and they will not be able to use a part of their body as it will be frozen in position. The scab has to be scrubbed off and its very painful and requires someone to do it who knows that the end result will be a good one and though he or she feels empathetic not so sympathetic to the point of not getting the job done.
Many times people need deliverance so badly and don't find it in our churches because the programs are in place and the Holy Ghost is not allowed to
do His job. People are not taught spiritual warfare and how to close doors and be delivered from the vexations that have kept them bound. Its not always the Pastor or elders fault as he or she may not know themselves having not been taught. It gives those who have been taught a greater responsibility to the Church as a whole.
Its a sad thing to have a form of Godliness and deny the power thereof.
The Bible speaks of this. When all we see is a religious spirit in the churches its a sad
day for everyone. Religion is not enough. People need genuine deliverance not another social experience. Many come to Jesus carrying deep hurts and wounds and need deliverance from spirits that have a hold on their minds, bodies and emotions. They keep fighting the same temptations over and over and losing out. We can write them off so easily rather than realizing we are the ones missing something. We need to learn how to help people get delivered and keep delivered. It takes the gifts of the Spirit to identify the problems and if our churches that claim to be Apostolic keep taking the lead and not allowing Jesus to lead then healing will not come.
I travel all over the U.S. and many churches are great praying and soul winning stations but also I have seen many churches don't allow Jesus to have His way. Some just want a small amount of the Spirit of Jesus to do a work and then they shut Him down because they want it to be a one man show or don't allow the gifts to be in operation out of fear or lack of knowledge. Jesus help us all. Its more of a mess than a blessing.
No wonder so many are full of hurts. Some of these things can be removed or sent packing by Jesus using the Church in the gifts.
Lately this has been a cry of my heart. I see so many who need freedom living in bondage claiming they are free but have no joy. I admit that when I preach I have reminded my husband to remind me to smile because I hate the enemy so much and when I see what he is doing to the saints it aggravates me a lot. I want to see joy in
the churches. I want to see the sisters smiling and happy and loving life not weighing
three hundred pounds with a pony tail and not feeling like even being there. We have
to have the joy of Jesus. It should be beaming out of us. Jesus help us all.


These are all good responses. I have found, in my own life, that the things hardest to heal and get over are from the continued in your face hurts.

If someone does something to you one time and asks forgiveness - it is easy to grant and go on, but when the continued abuses and there is no reprieve then it is almost impossible to get over unless you physical and emotionally detach. Unfortunately it causes walls to go up with a "No Trespassing" sign that is guarded by a pit bull.

I tell my clients to allow a window or a break in the wall to allow the hurt to escape and the healing to enter...but it is easier said than done.

Time does not heal all wounds. It just puts them in the recesses of your mind until it is too late to fix them when others die and then NEVER becomes a long time.

Still thinking...

Blessings, Rhoni

[Trouvere]

Sadly I have a friend who after having seen a Christian Counselor was told to go and confront her abuser, who was her father. It did more damage than good. Her father could have cared less that he abused her for years. It just brought up more frustration and emotional problems for the sister. Some will never repent it seems. I also know of someone who went to meet their birth parent. It all but destroyed them. The birth was the result of rape and the person hated meeting them.
Some things only Jesus can take care of.

[simplyme]

I was just reading from a christian doctor about many issues that effect our
health., such as damaging emotions, he suggested that it is far better, to
realize that we have choices, we can CHOOSE to keeping hurting, OR choose to be happier., maybe that sounds cruel, I'm sure that that sounds impossible to some,
but I have found that someone on the outside looking in can see things that
someone on the inside looking out, just canNOT.
It has helped me immensely to listen to those on the outside, (as well as GODs Word)
and CHOOSE to let certain things go., [although it took TIME to just DO it] as GOD forgave me.
Also keeping some distance from certain people that
have hurt me, rather than stick around, for more of the same, has helped as well. :D

I don't have a psych degree nor am I extraordinarily wise, but I can speak from experience(s) I believe that we can sometimes only share our own personal stories of not only struggles but victories to help others., any victories I've had have been only with His mercy and grace.

Sure, some hurts will never fully go away until we are in His prescence, but focusing on the good things in this life that GOD has blessed us with, is vitally important., isn't there a saying "Love conquers ALL", something like that? Well it CAN become truth IF we let it., LOVE is infinitely stronger than evil.

[Trouvere]

Simply,
Did you read Don Colbert M.D.'s book Deadly Emotions?
I have that book. Sadly he does not advocate deliverance. Sometimes
people cannot just forgive. They desire to forgive but Jesus has
to supernaturally deliver them. I was involved in a meeting a few
weeks ago and one lady was up for prayer and word of Knowledge revealed
what her problem was and named it in her ear(not for the whole room to hear)
and these doors were closed and things cast out and she began to freely
speak in other tongues knowing in her heart that Jesus not only understood
her but saw what she had been through and was healing her of it. For the
first time she went home and slept soundly through the night. She had
been very abused as a child and the person praying for her had no idea
who she was or her past life.
One word from Jesus can do what nothing else can. It can heal us inside and
out.

[RevDWW]

Did Jesus specify what to do/not to do after we turned the other cheek? Are duck and wallop 'em back options? :thumbsup

:ursofunny

I've heard it said "I'll turn the other cheek, but after that you better be running..." Or "I believe I have enough Holy Ghost to allow you to hit me, but if I don't you're in a world of trouble".....

I have power over my enemies when I understand I decide how to respond and not just react. Quick reactions can get you in trouble, deliberated responses can keep you out of it.

[Pressing-On]

This is how God showed me to get over my greatest hurts. I spoke this message at our ladies prayer meeting this morning.

"Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulatons for you, which is your glory." Eph 3:13

How in the world could tribulations be a glory unto us?

Paul goes on to say, "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that he would grant you according to the riches of his glory to be strenghtened with might by his Spirit in the inner man." Eph 3 14-16

The beauty and power of being spirited filled - He strenghtens us in all things.

I once asked the Lord about Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

How can our burdens be easy? How can they be light?

He told me to read I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

That's how they become light - give it to Him.

I was praying for someone the other day and I was so burdened for them, I couldn't sleep. Around 2:00 a.m., the Lord spoke to me, "You must leave your burdens at the altar. It is not good for the body or mind to hang on to such pain."

We have to leave our burdens with Him and TRUST that He is in the affairs of all men. When we see Him do a work in our own life, it is the powerful truth that He IS in the affairs of all men. God is faithful. I think there may be times and some situations where we must come to him a few more times in order to fully leave the load at His feet.

Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing
Leave it there
Leave it there
Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing
If you trust and never doubt
He'll surely bring you out
Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing

[Tina]

This is how God showed me to get over my greatest hurts. I spoke this message at our ladies prayer meeting this morning.

"Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulatons for you, which is your glory." Eph 3:13

How in the world could tribulations be a glory unto us?

Paul goes on to say, "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that he would grant you according to the riches of his glory to be strenghtened with might by his Spirit in the inner man." Eph 3 14-16

The beauty and power of being spirited filled - He strenghtens us in all things.

I once asked the Lord about Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

How can our burdens be easy? How can they be light?

He told me to read I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

That's how they become light - give it to Him.

I was praying for someone the other day and I was so burdened for them, I couldn't sleep. Around 2:00 a.m., the Lord spoke to me, "You must leave your burdens at the altar. It is not good for the body or mind to hang on to such pain."

We have to leave our burdens with Him and TRUST that He is in the affairs of all men. When we see Him do a work in our own life, it is the powerful truth that He IS in the affairs of all men. God is faithful. I think there may be times and some situations where we must come to him a few more times in order to fully leave the load at His feet.

Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing
Leave it there
Leave it there
Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing
If you trust and never doubt
He'll surely bring you out
Take your burdens to the Lord and leave it there :sing

Very good thoughts.

We have to leave things in his hands if we truly want him to take care of anything. If we keep clinging to things, we do ourselves more harm than good. Sometimes we just need to LET GO and Let God.......

[Sinatra]

For many the wounds went on day after day and year after year and they were
powerless to change the situation. I find that when I people have been afflicted for
a long time only a miracle from Jesus can heal them. We can pray for them and encourage them but its going to take the power of a surrendered life coupled with the Holy Ghost
and much prayer. Many times these are the people that are hardest to get along with
due to the root of bitterness being so deep. Its especially bad when it happens to someone being raised in the church or married to an abusive partner.
When a child lives with someone who is in the pulpits of our churches and is a hypocrite at home the wounds are harder to uproot. I don't buy the don't keep picking at the scab theory. When I was a hospital nurse working pediatrics I had to give a lot of baths to badly burned children. I would have to give them pain killers and then go back and scrub the scabs off. Some wounds don't heal well with a scab on. The scab will cause them to be bound in one position and they will not be able to use a part of their body as it will be frozen in position. The scab has to be scrubbed off and its very painful and requires someone to do it who knows that the end result will be a good one and though he or she feels empathetic not so sympathetic to the point of not getting the job done.
Many times people need deliverance so badly and don't find it in our churches because the programs are in place and the Holy Ghost is not allowed to
do His job. People are not taught spiritual warfare and how to close doors and be delivered from the vexations that have kept them bound. Its not always the Pastor or elders fault as he or she may not know themselves having not been taught. It gives those who have been taught a greater responsibility to the Church as a whole.
Its a sad thing to have a form of Godliness and deny the power thereof.
The Bible speaks of this. When all we see is a religious spirit in the churches its a sad
day for everyone. Religion is not enough. People need genuine deliverance not another social experience. Many come to Jesus carrying deep hurts and wounds and need deliverance from spirits that have a hold on their minds, bodies and emotions. They keep fighting the same temptations over and over and losing out. We can write them off so easily rather than realizing we are the ones missing something. We need to learn how to help people get delivered and keep delivered. It takes the gifts of the Spirit to identify the problems and if our churches that claim to be Apostolic keep taking the lead and not allowing Jesus to lead then healing will not come.
I travel all over the U.S. and many churches are great praying and soul winning stations but also I have seen many churches don't allow Jesus to have His way. Some just want a small amount of the Spirit of Jesus to do a work and then they shut Him down because they want it to be a one man show or don't allow the gifts to be in operation out of fear or lack of knowledge. Jesus help us all. Its more of a mess than a blessing.
No wonder so many are full of hurts. Some of these things can be removed or sent packing by Jesus using the Church in the gifts.
Lately this has been a cry of my heart. I see so many who need freedom living in bondage claiming they are free but have no joy. I admit that when I preach I have reminded my husband to remind me to smile because I hate the enemy so much and when I see what he is doing to the saints it aggravates me a lot. I want to see joy in
the churches. I want to see the sisters smiling and happy and loving life not weighing
three hundred pounds with a pony tail and not feeling like even being there. We have
to have the joy of Jesus. It should be beaming out of us. Jesus help us all.



Wow........This is really good. Thank you.

[Rhoni]

I'm not sure we ever detach from a past hurt, but we do have a choice to either learn from it and grow through it, turning it into a positive experience, or grow bitter and angry over it, making it a negative experience. And, even if we start out negatively, after time the experience can be used for growth-and vice versa.
Some hurts are so deep only God can reach them.

Another thing-I've heard people comfort someone saying 'time heals all wounds.' Does it? I don't think so. Time doesn't. God can. But don't expect him to always remove the scars. He is our healer, but oftentimes our scars remind us of lessons learned and victories won if we let them.

The greatest hurt of my life happened a number of years ago, which culminated in my husband and I leaving the United Pentecostal Church. We had fought a tremendous battle, were falsely accused repeatedly but continued to fight for those we knew were being abused. In the end, I questioned many times if it were worth it and I would not choose to do it again.



The Lord of the Rings is a tremendous story and when I was quite sick here a little while ago, I watched the whole thing. Sam and Frodo and the others fight a tremendous battle and they are a unique fellowship, one that cannot be understood except by those inside it. They share a unique bond.

In the end, Frodo leaves the shire, telling Sam "We set out to save the shire Sam, and we did.....but not for me".

Those words resonate in my heart. Frodo left with pain, yes, but with a peace and a smile that he knew he was going the right direction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mApx-001wRY

I am finding some wounds take a loooong time to heal. I sometimes feel like the pain is getting greater with time instead of better. If it were as simple as forgiving those who inflict the hurt, the pain would end immediately.

If someone could take away the memories of the people I love and can't call or hug, then maybe the hurt would heal. If someone could take away the family members who keep stabbing us again and again, maybe the wounds would heal.

Sometimes I feel like Paul, I prayed several times for the thorn to be removed, but God keeps saying His Grace is sufficient. Some pain we won't understand ever on this earth. Death looks really good sometimes, but God has a call on our lives and we must continue on and fulfill His purpose.

There comes a time when we have to become responsible for our selves. Not taking blame for hurts inflicted on us by others, but maturing to the point we know we are able to respond to the things that come into our lives.

I must decide if I turn the other cheek or strike back.

Ah, the terrible power of choice.......

However in the power of choice sometimes we all wonder if we made the right choice...While we all must chose to forgive sometimes those that hurt us stare us in the face day after day...

Sadly I have a friend who after having seen a Christian Counselor was told to go and confront her abuser, who was her father. It did more damage than good. Her father could have cared less that he abused her for years. It just brought up more frustration and emotional problems for the sister. Some will never repent it seems. I also know of someone who went to meet their birth parent. It all but destroyed them. The birth was the result of rape and the person hated meeting them.
Some things only Jesus can take care of.
A good counselor would never tell anyone to confront an abuser except in a controlled and safe environment [preferably with a counselor and a witness] and only if it was necessary for healing.

[DividedThigh]

i have pondered hurt so many times in my life, even recently i was hurt by some folks i trusted for most of my life, i have found the only thing i can do is forgive and shield myself from being hurt by them again, unfortunate but that is my story, dt

[Sinatra]

You know, it's easy to tell someone, you've just got to choose to be better. Come on, how do you "choose" to be better. WHY on earth if it was in your power to be better, wouldn't you choose to be? Believe it or not some things are not in our power. There are things that only the Power of the Holy Ghost can overcome. Not everything is simply a matter of just forgiving. After you forgive, there is still a need for healing.

I've mentioned vagely before about being a child abuse survivor. I told how forgiveness took place between my Mom and me; and praise God my Mom came back to HIM. My Dad passed away before we could mend things...

Yes, Mom asked for and found forgiveness; from Jesus and from me. However, that didn't erase the emotional wounds and damage that a childhood of physical and verbal abuse caused...

I received the Holy Ghost when I was 10 years old. I grew up in church, w/ the exception of a few of my teen years...

Even as an adult today, there are times that I struggle in my relationship w/ God. There are still times that the words from my childhood come back to haunt me. And yes even after all these years, the things that were said and done in my childhood at times come back and hinder my faith and my walk w/ God. It is difficult to relate to God as a loving Father, if you've never had that as an example. It is sometimes difficult to accept that God loves me as I am, especially when I spent my childhood hearing how unloveable and unworthy I am. Patterns and mindsets once established are difficult to overcome. NOT impossible, but it's difficult. It takes the Power of God. I don't think it's just a choice. I would love to wake up tomorrow and say, all the beatings and words will never affect me again; because I choose not to let them. But in all honesty it doesn't work that way. It seems like I make progress and then the battle begins again. Still, I press on, and one day there will be victory!

If nothing else comes from my childhood; my children know daily that they are loved, they know daily that they are special and wanted, They know that God loves them unconditionally and that their parents do also. Because of this, we have children who love God, who know God and what His word says, and that have a relationship with God. And we have children who I pray will never have to question if they are good enough for Jesus to love.


Sinatra

[simplyme]

I'm sorry that for some the pain will never diminish, I really hurt for others too.
I can relate for when I first ever heard of such a thing, I too wondered HOW?

I live with my husband whom was abused in degrees that a human mind/heart cannot
fathom.
YET, his demeanor is so KIND, so nice to everyone. People are drawn to him., he
NEVER says an unkind word about anyone, no one would EVER know anything bad
had been done to him., he would give anyone the shirt off of his back., and wouldn't
hurt a fly.

Even I marvel at him.
I get more mad at those whom hurt him, than he does!
Amazing grace, is all I can say.

He was not privileged with a church going family either.
Only his minister grandpa took him, to a Church of Christ, for some
time when he had temporary custody of him, also just by being a
witness of GOD., that man showed
him the love that was soo lacking in his life., not even his mother
did enough (IMHO) to protect him, I still struggle with my feelings
about her, (my MIL) although I do love her;
for I know that as a mother, ANY mother, I would do, and have done,
whateve rit takes to protect her children.

Anyway to make a long story short, he CHOSE to forgive/forget., I only
know about some of these things as he has confided in me, over many
years; and its been
confirmed by others., I wish that I was more like him as He is a great
witness of how pain can be put aside for GOD's purposes/greater good., GOD
alone knew that one day he would reach this pinnacle of being baptized
in JESUSname, and become an even greater witness for JESUs!

Right now as we speak he is giving hospice care to that person whom
so brutally abused him all of his life, up until I met him., which person
has now asked him "where am I going-what will become of me" as he
is set to die any day now. *sigh* This person never believed in GOD.

It boggles my mind, I wonder if I could be so gracious?
I suspect so when it comes down to it, I can and will be, I too have
a similar upbringing, & into adulthood.
He has been a great example to me.
Whodda thunk it? ;)

[Rhoni]

Physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuse is forgiveable but the recipients need healing from it which is different from the forgiveness issue.

Many people think forgiveness is about walking way and acting like nothing happened and it brings homeostasis back. This is is not so.

[Rhoni]

You know, it's easy to tell someone, you've just got to choose to be better. Come on, how do you "choose" to be better. WHY on earth if it was in your power to be better, wouldn't you choose to be? Believe it or not some things are not in our power. There are things that only the Power of the Holy Ghost can overcome. Not everything is simply a matter of just forgiving. After you forgive, there is still a need for healing.

I've mentioned vagely before about being a child abuse survivor. I told how forgiveness took place between my Mom and me; and praise God my Mom came back to HIM. My Dad passed away before we could mend things...

Yes, Mom asked for and found forgiveness; from Jesus and from me. However, that didn't erase the emotional wounds and damage that a childhood of physical and verbal abuse caused...

I received the Holy Ghost when I was 10 years old. I grew up in church, w/ the exception of a few of my teen years...

Even as an adult today, there are times that I struggle in my relationship w/ God. There are still times that the words from my childhood come back to haunt me. And yes even after all these years, the things that were said and done in my childhood at times come back and hinder my faith and my walk w/ God. It is difficult to relate to God as a loving Father, if you've never had that as an example. It is sometimes difficult to accept that God loves me as I am, especially when I spent my childhood hearing how unloveable and unworthy I am. Patterns and mindsets once established are difficult to overcome. NOT impossible, but it's difficult. It takes the Power of God. I don't think it's just a choice. I would love to wake up tomorrow and say, all the beatings and words will never affect me again; because I choose not to let them. But in all honesty it doesn't work that way. It seems like I make progress and then the battle begins again. Still, I press on, and one day there will be victory!

If nothing else comes from my childhood; my children know daily that they are loved, they know daily that they are special and wanted, They know that God loves them unconditionally and that their parents do also. Because of this, we have children who love God, who know God and what His word says, and that have a relationship with God. And we have children who I pray will never have to question if they are good enough for Jesus to love.


Sinatra

Sinatra,

It is good that you have purposed in your heart to let your children be the recipients of the knowledge you have gleaned through all your childhood trauma. This is right and as it should be.

Unfortunately, there are many people that continue the cycle of abuse and pass it down to their children and grandchildren. I am a firm believer that Jesus Christ came to break those chains of transgenerational sins/weights but all people involved have to want that also. Our sovereign Lord does not force healing on anyone...but if you desire it...it is there for you.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I think that the hurt is sometimes like a grain of sand that irritates and causes pain. As you build layer upon layer of boundaries it eventually becomes a magnificent pearl of great price. There is nothing that is worth the pain incurred.

[Rhoni]

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jer 29:12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

[Trouvere]

Rhoni
I was reading something this am that really made me think.
It was concerning women who have been abused and dissociative disorder if I am
spelling it correctly. So many times it was said that these people are confused with demonic possession when in reality it is not though the enemy caused it to begin with.

[Rhoni]

Rhoni
I was reading something this am that really made me think.
It was concerning women who have been abused and dissociative disorder if I am
spelling it correctly. So many times it was said that these people are confused with demonic possession when in reality it is not though the enemy caused it to begin with.

Many mental illness, because not understood, have been attributed to demonic possession. DID is one of those. Many times the abuse sufferred is so severe that the only way for the person to servive it is to dissociate.

Schizophrenia is often associated with demonic possession also. Sometimes it is. I think that Christian/spirit filled counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists have the advantage over other mental health professionals as they should have the Spirit of God in their lives to distinguish between the two.

I have found that the Holy Spirit has let me be sensitive to needs, situations, and spirits that torment, oppress, or possess an individual.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Back to the topic: Some hurts are so intense that the only way to deal with them is to start building the wall. Eventually the wall is so strong and tall that it keeps the hurt inside and all the healing outside the wall. When it gets that bad then Jesus has to chisel out a window.

[Timmy]

But a wall can provide protection from further hurt, too, can't it?

[Rhoni]

But a wall can provide protection from further hurt, too, can't it?

It would appear to - but appearances can be deceptive.

[Timmy]

It would appear to - but appearances can be deceptive.

OK, what if the wall had a drinking fountain on your side of it, giving you cool, refreshing water, and a medicine cabinet with things to help heal your hurts, and windows with unbreakable glass (with UV protection) to let the light in so you get your vitamin D and a nice tan? And what if we stretched this metaphor beyond all recognition? :lol

[Rhoni]

OK, what if the wall had a drinking fountain on your side of it, giving you cool, refreshing water, and a medicine cabinet with things to help heal your hurts, and windows with unbreakable glass (with UV protection) to let the light in so you get your vitamin D and a nice tan? And what if we stretched this metaphor beyond all recognition? :lol


Timmy,

It sound like the perfect set up!:thumbsup

My wall is made of stones with crumbling mortar...what about yours?

LOL!

Rhoni

[Timmy]

Timmy,

It sound like the perfect set up!:thumbsup

My wall is made of stones with crumbling mortar...what about yours?

LOL!

Rhoni

Ginger bread. :heeheehee

[ILG]

It is my opinion that the wall has to stay up until the environment changes. Some people and situations are so toxic that a wall is the only way to self-preserve. Change occurs in many ways...death...growing up....leaving a situation....whatever. Then, the wall has to come down brick by brick.

[Timmy]

It is my opinion that the wall has to stay up until the environment changes. Some people and situations are so toxic that a wall is the only way to self-preserve. Change occurs in many ways...death...growing up....leaving a situation....whatever. Then, the wall has to come down brick by brick.

Yes. I think Jesus' teaching on forgiveness needs to be tempered with common sense. There are people who will play that card to their advantage, and it doesn't have to "work" every time! Seriously. Abusers love that teaching. You have to forgive, they'll say, every time, again and again and again.

Sorry, not buyin' it!

[mizpeh]

Yes. I think Jesus' teaching on forgiveness needs to be tempered with common sense. There are people who will play that card to their advantage, and it doesn't have to "work" every time! Seriously. Abusers love that teaching. You have to forgive, they'll say, every time, again and again and again.

Sorry, not buyin' it!

I suppose you won't turn the other cheek either?

[Timmy]

I suppose you won't turn the other cheek either?

Good question. In literal terms, no, I normally would not just allow someone to pound on me (physically or verbally), without putting up any resistance. But I think that teaching can be useful, if we apply it with common sense. Perhaps Jesus meant we should not escalate things, if at all possible. Paul said "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." There is a time for self-defense (and for family defense). I don't think Jesus (or Paul) would be happy with situations like abused wives "forgiving" and going back to their husbands again and again, only to suffer abuse again and again.

[Neck]

Some wounds are so deep that you can't even reach them. It is my understanding/observation that most issues that most human beings have are related to: abandonment, rejection, and self deprecation.

Where do they come from and where do they get put when you detach from them? Why do walls go up and bridges get burned?

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight. The image of God gets tarnished in some people's minds, hearts, & emotions. How does one change the lens that color their world gray or black?

Just some points to ponder for those who like to dig deep.

Blessings, Rhoni

I found myself with some people in my life, as long as I bounced back and forgave them for their stupid actions. Things would be fine for a period of time and they got used to having a soft spot because what would Jesus do? The I finally decided to give stop allowing them to continue in the process. It has been a few years and the Lord may work it out in the future. The next conversation will be about the pain and how it will not ever happen again.

[ILG]

I found myself with some people in my life, as long as I bounced back and forgave them for their stupid actions. Things would be fine for a period of time and they got used to having a soft spot because what would Jesus do? The I finally decided to give stop allowing them to continue in the process. It has been a few years and the Lord may work it out in the future. The next conversation will be about the pain and how it will not ever happen again.

Yes, sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand. I am not sure if there is more scripture for forgiving than drawing a line or if forgiving is just more focused on. Anyone?

[Sister Alvear]

Sad but sometimes we have to draw a line...many times our greatest hurts comes from people we have helped the most...BUT we have to find a way to get over it or the hurt will destroy us...
I walked away from some of the people that I loved deeply not long ago...does it still hurt? Yes, it does...Am I glad I walked away? Yes...

[ILG]

Sad but sometimes we have to draw a line...many times our greatest hurts comes from people we have helped the most...BUT we have to find a way to get over it or the hurt will destroy us...
I walked away from some of the people that I loved deeply not long ago...does it still hurt? Yes, it does...Am I glad I walked away? Yes...

Yeah, I know how that feels....sometimes that has to happen. Does anyone have scripture for drawing a line? It's not something that is often taught on.

[Sinatra]

The walls I've surrounding myself with were originally built to keep out further hurt and abuse. However, I've come to see that instead all I have managed to do is erect walls that trap me inside with my hurts.

The very walls that I put up to protect me from the 2 people who SHOULD have loved and protected me most, also keeps out the legitimate people who do love me and the ones who could help me tear the walls down; including (sad to say) at times, even Christ.

Even after you have forgiven someone, learning to trust again is not always easy.

[Falla39]

My momma used to say, "quick picking at the scab if you want it to heal"........

Bro.RevDWW, You just brought back a memory from my past. I have also
heard a similar phrase: " Quit picking at the scab or you will get it infected
and it'll never heal". A child will pick at a scab and keep it bleeding. Some-
times adults do too!

Falla39

[jaxfam6]

Romans 12
17Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

This was from our lesson today. L Diaz - awesome young evangelist

Start blessing them and watch God heal your hurt.

[Sinatra]

My Mom grew up as a preachers kid, but something happened to her as an older teenager that turned her away from God and church. She married my Dad, and they both became alcoholics and abusive. When I was only 3 years old, Mom and Dad divorced, (I never saw Dad again). Mom decided to move back to the town where she had grown up, it was the town where all her family still lived.

I was blessed to grow up, hear truth preached, and to receive the Holy Ghost in the same church my Mom grew up in. It was here that I learned about Jesus. Every Sunday and Wednesday, either my Grandmother or my Aunt would come and get us children and take us to church. I remember learning to pray at my Grandmother's knee when I was around 4 years old. It was around this time that I started praying for Jesus to save my mommy. I prayed this daily.

Growing up was not easy. I feel Mom did the best that she could, she simply had too many problems, problems that only Jesus could solve. In spite of all that Mom did or didn't do while we were growing up and in spite of whatever problems she had with God or the church, I am thankful that she never talked bad about the church, and she never tried to stop us from going to church.

As a kid, I never saw Mom in church, never heard her pray, but I never stopped praying for her. I grew up, was emancipated at 16, eventually got married and had children of my own, and still I prayed for Jesus to save my "mommy".

After praying that daily for over 30 years, Jesus answered that prayer! Five years ago my Mom found an altar of repentance and has come back to a right relationship with Him!!!!!!!!!

Mom has since apologized for all that she did to us during our childhood. I don't blame her, I know it was her alcoholism and her being away from God.

I am so thankful for my Mom!! I am so appreciative to just be able to sit and discuss the goodness of Jesus and the Word of God with her. There were times I didn't think I would ever see this day come, but GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!!!!!!




I wrote this on Mother's Day, about the Mother who abused me growing up. As you can see, forgiveness HAS taken place. The hurt that comes from 30 years of hurt, abuse and rejection, however did not disappear simply because I chose to forgive Mom. The walls built up didn't suddenly crumble just because she said. "I'm sorry". Then there's the fact Dad died, and reconciliation never took place.

One thing to remember, healing is a process and that is what is happening with me. I am in the PROCESS. By the help of a patient and merciful Savior. I will get there.

[Neck]

Sad but sometimes we have to draw a line...many times our greatest hurts comes from people we have helped the most...BUT we have to find a way to get over it or the hurt will destroy us...
I walked away from some of the people that I loved deeply not long ago...does it still hurt? Yes, it does...Am I glad I walked away? Yes...

That is the truth.

[Rock]

"The Tragedy of a Wounded Spirit" preached by Rev. David Shatwell. Awesome preaching. I recomend this sermon to anyone that has ever been hurt.

Parts 1 & 2 = http://sermon.net/cgallardo/sermonid/45609
http://sermon.net/cgallardo/sermonid/45609

[Sister Alvear]

I will listen the first chance...thanks.

[ILG]

Still waiting for scripture that tells us to draw a line. We know we need to sometimes.......but all we ever hear is scripture about forgiving and turning the other cheek. Almost never about that we matter and sometimes for your own sake you must walk away.....

[Timmy]

Still waiting for scripture that tells us to draw a line. We know we need to sometimes.......but all we ever hear is scripture about forgiving and turning the other cheek. Almost never about that we matter and sometimes for your own sake you must walk away.....

Not sure I've ever seen such a scripture. Scripture will tell you that you must decrease so Christ may increase. That your righteousness is filthy rags. Turn the other cheek (and don't ever stop turning it). Forgive (every single time, over and over and over).

I draw lines sometimes without scriptural "help".

[myhaloisintheshop]

"The Tragedy of a Wounded Spirit" preached by Rev. David Shatwell. Awesome preaching. I recomend this sermon to anyone that has ever been hurt.

Parts 1 & 2 = http://sermon.net/cgallardo/sermonid/45609
http://sermon.net/cgallardo/sermonid/45609

I heard this first part at one of my lowest moments....it changed my life. great stuff!

[Trouvere]

Still waiting for scripture that tells us to draw a line. We know we need to sometimes.......but all we ever hear is scripture about forgiving and turning the other cheek. Almost never about that we matter and sometimes for your own sake you must walk away.....

Even the Lord gets enough of some people. I believe there is a 71x1
and when you get to the place where you can no longer be saved the
way things are going you have arrived there. It is time to brush the dust
from your sandals and move on. There are people in this world that
are easier to forgive, not forget, but forgive and move on.
Jesus bless you!

[Rhoni]

I found myself with some people in my life, as long as I bounced back and forgave them for their stupid actions. Things would be fine for a period of time and they got used to having a soft spot because what would Jesus do? The I finally decided to give stop allowing them to continue in the process. It has been a few years and the Lord may work it out in the future. The next conversation will be about the pain and how it will not ever happen again.

Yes, sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand. I am not sure if there is more scripture for forgiving than drawing a line or if forgiving is just more focused on. Anyone?

Sad but sometimes we have to draw a line...many times our greatest hurts comes from people we have helped the most...BUT we have to find a way to get over it or the hurt will destroy us...
I walked away from some of the people that I loved deeply not long ago...does it still hurt? Yes, it does...Am I glad I walked away? Yes...

The walls I've surrounding myself with were originally built to keep out further hurt and abuse. However, I've come to see that instead all I have managed to do is erect walls that trap me inside with my hurts.

The very walls that I put up to protect me from the 2 people who SHOULD have loved and protected me most, also keeps out the legitimate people who do love me and the ones who could help me tear the walls down; including (sad to say) at times, even Christ.

Even after you have forgiven someone, learning to trust again is not always easy.

Trust and forgiveness are two separate issues. I do think we need to have appropriate boundaries to protect ourselves but we must be sure not to broad-brush stroke everyone and learn who we should and shouldn't trust. There are ways to KNOW who you can and can't trust. As far as forgiveness - you should forgive everyone for your own sake and for Jesus' sake.

Blessings, Rhoni
P.S. There is some great posts on here.:thumbsup

[missourimary]

Not sure I've ever seen such a scripture. Scripture will tell you that you must decrease so Christ may increase. That your righteousness is filthy rags. Turn the other cheek (and don't ever stop turning it). Forgive (every single time, over and over and over).

I draw lines sometimes without scriptural "help".

Timmy, we only have two cheeks... or, ahem, four at most... "other" denotes the one not yet smitten, sooo...

[Timmy]

Timmy, we only have two cheeks... or, ahem, four at most... "other" denotes the one not yet smitten, sooo...

I don't think it literally means to allow yourself to be hurt only twice (or, ahem, four times ;)) and then put a stop to it. The idiom would indicate that whenever you are hurt, you should allow yourself to be hurt again. No limit is indicated. This would be consistent with forgiving seventy times seven times. And again, this doesn't mean count them and stop after 490 forgivings. It means don't stop forgiving. (So I've heard, every time that scripture was preached on.)

[Timmy]

Note: I am not in agreement with that scriptural advice, in case that wasn't clear! I think there is merit in being forgiving, but there are limits. There is no reason for a battered wife to keep going back to and forgiving her husband, over and over and over.

[missourimary]

I think there is a huge difference between forgiving and putting oneself back in a situation to be hurt in again. There may also be different types of forgiveness. We can forgive-as in let go of our woundedness-without forgiving-as in forgetting anything ever happened and being repeatedly slapped. Therefore:
SLAP
I forgive you. *turns other cheek*
SLAP
I still forgive you. *steps out of situation*

And that is ONLY if turning the other cheek means forgiving. Actually that passage is talking about going the extra mile.

Matthew 5:39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Matthew 5:40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
Matthew 5:41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
Matthew 5:42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
Matthew 5:43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

That is talking about going above and beyond to be nice to people, not letting them deliberately do something against you repeatedly and just forgetting about it.

Now, the verses about 70x7 are about forgiving, yes. BUT, if God ONLY forgives us when we repent (and according to what I've heard, salvation is based on repentance for that very reason), can He ask any more of us? Therefore I think this verse is talking much more about letting go of hurt, for our own sake, rather than letting someone walk all over us.

The only time I've heard this adequately preached was when someone said: I forgive them. I still love them, even. But some people I just love a lot more when they are WAAAAYYYY over there. (not close enough to hurt him again)

:)

[Sister Alvear]

There are some people I do not ever care to have in my life again but not to forgive them would be wrong....knowing they would enjoy hurting me again would be foolish on my part to become buddy buddy...
I think GOD gives us common sense and my common sense tells me to stay away from some people...that might sound unchristlike but it is true. Why put ourselves in a position to be hurt? A hurt can cause bitterness and in time destroy the person...

I have made the statement and broken it because I have a soft heart but usually the want be missionaries are not called and will only cause you trouble and tears in the end...
People that change churches today will usually change churches tomorrow...

Not too long ago I was deeply hurt by a young minister that wanted to make a name for himself...however I got over it...I have lived long enough to know that we must forgive and go on...but we do not have to camp next door to people that are out to kill us...

[Rhoni]

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around, so open and exposed
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place

When you're broken, when you're broken

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Oh, when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

Lyrics from "Broken Bridges" Lindsay Haun. This a good song. I do agree that there is beauty in the breaking. God is close to those who are of a broken and contrite heart...

[missourimary]

I needed to be reminded of this thread today. Thanks!

[Rhoni]

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around, so open and exposed
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place

When you're broken, when you're broken

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Oh, when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

Lyrics from "Broken Bridges" Lindsay Haun. This a good song. I do agree that there is beauty in the breaking. God is close to those who are of a broken and contrite heart...

There is no getting over hurt...just learning to deal with it and know eventually God will use it for ministry.

Blessings, Rhoni

[rgcraig]

There is no getting over hurt...just learning to deal with it and know eventually God will use it for ministry.

Blessings, Rhoni

Is that what you really tell others?

I completely disagree.

[Scott Hutchinson]

One of the ways I have learned to deal with hurts,is not to harbor bitterness.

[rgcraig]

A dear friend posted on his FB today something that I think is very true:

When you forgive, you heal. When you let go, you grow.

[Rhoni]

Is that what you really tell others?

I completely disagree.

Renda,

It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. Nor is it your concern what I tell others...I told it here on AFF so obviously I told it as I see it to be.

You have made it your concern to speak from a perspective that you know all the answers on this forum. You state that it is to 'stir up conversation' but I think that you need to be careful to not set yourself up as the all wise all knowing wisdom of AFF. The only place to go from the top is down.

Rhoni

[rgcraig]

Renda,

It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. Nor is it your concern what I tell others...I told it here on AFF so obviously I told it as I see it to be.

You have made it your concern to speak from a perspective that you know all the answers on this forum. You state that it is to 'stir up conversation' but I think that you need to be careful to not set yourself up as the all wise all knowing wisdom of AFF. The only place to go from the top is down.

Rhoni

Okay.

I didn't realize I couldn't disagree with you. I merely told it as "I see it to be."

I don't believe there's anyone here except you that would say that I have "made it your concern to speak from a perspective that you know all the answers on this forum" or that I'm the "all wise all knowing wisdom of AFF."

That is your mis-perception and here on AFF we allow those.

I only stated that things are discussed by some "to stir up conversation" - not that I do. http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showpost.php?p=904527&postcount=587

[Michael Phelps]

Renda,

It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. Nor is it your concern what I tell others...I told it here on AFF so obviously I told it as I see it to be.

You have made it your concern to speak from a perspective that you know all the answers on this forum. You state that it is to 'stir up conversation' but I think that you need to be careful to not set yourself up as the all wise all knowing wisdom of AFF. The only place to go from the top is down.

Rhoni

Seriously? Is this TIC, I hope?????

[Dora]

Too much!

[Dora]

There is no getting over hurt...just learning to deal with it and know eventually God will use it for ministry.

Blessings, Rhoni

Seriously...counseling from the Christian perspective??? Can't believe you posted this...really????

[Jack Shephard]

Has it been mentioned about in the 8 pages here about David Fuller's message "Wounds that Never Heal"?

[Timmy]

Has it been mentioned about in the 8 pages here about David Fuller's message "Wounds that Never Heal"?

Somebody plagiarized it, yeah.

:toofunny

[Timmy]

Somebody plagiarized it, yeah.

:toofunny

(Actually, no. I was J/K, 100%. :D)

[seguidordejesus]

She's baaaack!!!

[Dora]

She's baaaack!!!

Ok. Who's baaaack?????

[mizpeh]

God binds up the brokenhearted.

[missourimary]

God binds up the brokenhearted.

Sure He does. But there are things that we need to do, too, to heal. And generally the answer is not the pat, "forgive and forget" or "just get over it."

I have a book about forgiveness. Very well written. And it speaks very deliberately against "forgive and forget". Because if we just forget and go on with a person as though nothing happened, and they did something deliberately to hurt, we are enabling them to hurt us again, and to hurt others as well. On the other hand, there is a Biblical way to forgive that has nothing to do with forgetting, but more to do with letting go of our right to be bitter and/or vengeful about what a person did.

I can be angry about what someone did, I can be upset, I can cry and grieve a loss of innocence and trust toward someone... all without being unforgiving.

[rgcraig]

What do you guys think about this quote:

"The good news is that you don't have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED life. THAT'S how you "get over" the past."

*From Today's Christian Marriage

[missourimary]

Renda, I was going to say this earlier, so in answer to your question:
...And sometimes, I have needed to recognize I couldn't get OVER a hurt, but rather eventually grew around it, like a tree next to a barbed wire fence. The tree can rub against the wire and resist it. This will only weaken the tree. Or the tree can grow around it. It doesn't deny the wire is there. It would prefer the wire not to be there, maybe. But rather than allowing the wire to weaken it, it grows around it, and in doing so, the tree becomes stronger.

There is no one right way to get over all hurts. The allegory of the tree is not a way to say "get over it." It's just that some wounds never really heal-at least not the way we would like. The tree will never be the same, for the barbed wire running through it's heart. And the wire doesn't belong there. But the tree will live anyway.

I was going to add this earlier, but didn't want to upset anyone. There are things I will never get over, but that I have lived through.

[rgcraig]

Renda, I was going to say this earlier, so in answer to your question:
...And sometimes, I have needed to recognize I couldn't get OVER a hurt, but rather eventually grew around it, like a tree next to a barbed wire fence. The tree can rub against the wire and resist it. This will only weaken the tree. Or the tree can grow around it. It doesn't deny the wire is there. It would prefer the wire not to be there, maybe. But rather than allowing the wire to weaken it, it grows around it, and in doing so, the tree becomes stronger.

There is no one right way to get over all hurts. The allegory of the tree is not a way to say "get over it." It's just that some wounds never really heal-at least not the way we would like. The tree will never be the same, for the barbed wire running through it's heart. And the wire doesn't belong there. But the tree will live anyway.

I was going to add this earlier, but didn't want to upset anyone. There are things I will never get over, but that I have lived through.

I believe what you've said is good, but the wire didn't stop the tree from growing. The tree grew around the wire - did it change the shape of the tree, yes, but it didn't stop it from growing.

You can't change the wire being there (past), but you will continue to grow (future).

Someone that continues to go back to the hurt and apply it to now probably won't ever get over the hurt.

Disclaimer: I'm just posting as a person with an opinion like everyone else.

[missourimary]

I believe what you've said is good, but the wire didn't stop the tree from growing. The tree grew around the wire - did it change the shape of the tree, yes, but it didn't stop it from growing.

You can't change the wire being there (past), but you will continue to grow (future).

Someone that continues to go back to the hurt and apply it to now probably won't ever get over the hurt.

Disclaimer: I'm just posting as a person with an opinion like everyone else.

:thumbsup


Take it from someone who had to trim a few fence rows... the tree that grew around the fence is a lot more likely to withstand the axe.

[tamor]

What do you guys think about this quote:

"The good news is that you don't have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED life. THAT'S how you "get over" the past."

*From Today's Christian Marriage

Good post!

[seguidordejesus]

Ok. Who's baaaack?????

You, too :)

[Michael Phelps]

(Actually, no. I was J/K, 100%. :D)

No, several people have, you are right! I heard Jerry Jones preach it, and I even preached it once myself!

[missourimary]

I heard a message entitled "Scars" years ago that really made sense, too.

[Dora]

I wrote a song called "Scars." God takes hurts and turns them into places of strength.

[rgcraig]

I wrote a song called "Scars." God takes hurts and turns them into places of strength.

When your finals are over maybe you can post the words!

[Dora]

SCARS by Dora J. Hammer

Scars, here’s a place where I fell off my bike
Scars, here’s where I was cut with a knife
Scars, here’s a place where I once got burned
Now it’s there to show a lesson I’ve learned

Scars, places where skin has been marred
Scars, evidences now calloused and hard
Scars, marks where healing has taken place
And they’re reminders that time won’t erase…

I am thankful for these scars
I am thankful for these scars
Scars on the surface and scars on the heart
Where I once was broken, there’s a new place to start
I am thankful for these scars
So grateful for each mark
They’ve made me stronger today
So I won’t wish them away
I am thankful for these scars

Scars, lost a friend and oh how I cried
Scars, it tore me to pieces when grandpa died
Scars, there were times I almost fell apart
And each time has left its mark on my heart

Scars, for me Jesus was pierced in his side
Scars, just for me he was scorned and denied
Scars, Jesus’ hands still bear the marks from the nails
Just to show me that his love never fails

I am thankful for His scars
I am thankful for His scars
Scars on the surface and scars on the heart
Because He was broken, there’s a new place to start
I am thankful for His scars
So grateful for each mark
They’ve made me stronger today
How can I wish them away
I am thankful for His scars

His scars have made me stronger today
How can I wish them away
Oh Lord, I’m thankful for Your scars.

[rgcraig]

Dora, those words are beautiful! I'd love to hear you sing it!

Thanks for posting them!

[commonsense]

Dora, those words are beautiful! I'd love to hear you sing it!

Thanks for posting them!

I agree. I'd like to hear it sung also.