Dementia / Alhzheimers

[CC1]

I just hung up the telephone from a heartbreaking call. I have a relative by marriage who is a few years older than me who is probably the closest I will ever have to having a brother.

The 30 years I have been married to my wife this man has been my friend. He worked hard all of those years usually pastoring small struggling Pentecostal churches that he always left better than when he came. None of those churches were able to support him financially enough so he gladly worked in addition to pastoring to make ends meet the majority of the time.

About two years ago he was diagnosed with dementia in his mid 50's. He is unable to work or pastor and now must live on a small disability pension.

What tore me apart on this telephone call with him just now is that he is at a stage in this terrible disease where he can't be allowed to drive a car or go places on his own but he doesn't understand this. In his mind he is still fine. Perhaps a little sick but fine nevertheless. He is miserable. He has been an active independent man all of his life and now he feels he is trapped in an apartment most of the time.

His family takes wonderful care of him and spends time with him but they have jobs and families of their own so can't be there 24/7. I gently tried to remind him that he does have a disease and that the restrictions or things his family does are things they are doing for his own good. He said he knows they think they are but he believes it is wrong that they think he is sick.

He told me he is going to move back to his old town and go to his old church and get a job. In reality I don't see how this could happen so I am praying for a peace for him where he is at.

[Sweet Pea]

CCI - my heart goes out to you for the compassion you have and the pain you are feeling for your friend. Dementia / Alzheimers are both very cruel - May God speak HIS peace to your friend and wisdom to his family in dealing with this situation.

[Sister Alvear]

oh my....how sad...I sure will be praying...

[canam]

My dad went through that (retired op minister) its horrible ! The things they say eventually, its as if they are an entirely different person,that never even went to church. Its got to be the worst disease, non pain wise, there is. Praying !

[ILG]

Sorry to hear that CC1. My granny has been going through the same thing and we just moved her to assisted living. That was really hard on all of us but I think she is better off...

[Tina]

I will be praying.

[MissBrattified]

I'm sorry, CC1--it's so hard to deal with. We went through the same thing with my Dad. Two incidents that tore my heart out were when he was convinced he was supposed to preach one morning and insisted that my Mom put his suit on and help him into his wheelchair, and then he "preached" from his chair. The other one was after his legs were amputated--a couple of times he forgot that his legs were gone and would get out of bed. He would get really angry with my Mom if she tried to stop him, (to the point of getting physical) so she had to just let him fall--and then call 911. The local fire dept. a block over would send over a couple of guys to lift him back into bed. :(

It's unbelievably heartwrenching to have anyone you care about go through dementia.

[CC1]

I'm sorry, CC1--it's so hard to deal with. We went through the same thing with my Dad. Two incidents that tore my heart out were when he was convinced he was supposed to preach one morning and insisted that my Mom put his suit on and help him into his wheelchair, and then he "preached" from his chair. The other one was after his legs were amputated--a couple of times he forgot that his legs were gone and would get out of bed. He would get really angry with my Mom if she tried to stop him, (to the point of getting physical) so she had to just let him fall--and then call 911. The local fire dept. a block over would send over a couple of guys to lift him back into bed. :(

It's unbelievably heartwrenching to have anyone you care about go through dementia.

I could tell by my conversation with him that days are coming like you described with your father. I can only imagine the heartache and stress you and your family have gone through.

[Fiyahstarter]

CC1 - I am soooo sorry to hear. 50 is so young, too.

My uncle has alzheimer's. It has to be one of the most awful things to watch the person go through...but it is also very hurtful to family members.

When my uncle lost his license, he insisted that he would "darn" well drive if he wanted to because he refused to believe he couldn't. We had to hide his keys from him. He hated us...not so sure he doesn't still hate us, even tho at this point he can't unzip his own pants to go to the bathroom...nor does he know to put on his underwear BEFORE his outter garments... Yet in his mind, he still thinks he can drive. He has NO reasoning abilities whatsoever. IT'S TEARING MY HEART OUT to think that this man, who has been like a father to me, now hates me because I've done what I've needed to do to protect him from himself. I know, I know... it's NOT really him in that shell of a body with little mind left. But it's what he'll go to his grave believing, and that is KILLING me!

Also... I don't understand why everybody is getting Alzheimer's these days... Just like so many children who have autism and ADHD. Makes you wonder, what are we doing to ourselves to perpetuate these illnesses?

[Jason B]

CC1 sorry to hear this news. I will be praying for you and with you and your friend.

[Fiyahstarter]

Also, I don't know how bad others experienced this, but my Uncle would become very volatile! He would, for no apparent reason, lash out at us and scream and holler and throw things. We had to take away all of his guns, even hide the kitchen knives.

[ILG]

My Dad and uncle had to take my Granny's car away and then she called the police on my Dad for taking her car! She had had her driver's license taken away and insisted she still had one. Then, she got shingles and fell in her apartment. My Dad had been with her every day. (This was so out of character for him but all the other siblings just kind of disappeared while this was going on.) He was having to make decisions mostly alone. I encouraged him to get her into assisted living. She was all alone in her apartment with nothing to do, unable to drive and so skinny and her apartment was not clean anymore. Now, she has company and people putting food in front of her.

[Esther]

I have had 3 relatives with it, and it is not a pretty picture. They honestly don't understand.

They do get mad at you and it is very hard on the care taker.

[CC1]

It is amazing how many people have been directly affect in their immediate or extended family with this terrible disease. I pray that I die quickly and don't suffer and become a burden on my family for an extendd period of time.

My wife has told us that if this happens to her to put her in a nursing home as soon as possible but I am not brave enough to tell my family to do that to me! I want them to wait until I really have to go. LOL.

[llambert]

I have a question:

I went to visit a family that I had not seen in a long while. They were in a way like spiritual parents to me. The son was the one who laid hands on me to receive the Holy Spirit baptism and was witness to the initial evidence of my speaking in tongues. His dad baptized me in Jesus' name. His mom prayed for me much and showed me kindness.

When I saw the mom, she looked so "out of it", staring out into space vacantly from the pulpit while everyone else was celebrating at an event where her husband was being honored. When I inquired that she seemed "not like herself", I didn't get an immediate response, but later came to learn from other sources that she is suffering from the beginning stages of Alzheimers.

I am trying to reconcile the idea of a saint developing Alzheimers or dementia with the word that says that God is able to keep our minds in perfect peace. I could see how a physical illness might be visited upon us and that there are physical sicknesses that are unto death, but how is it that God can allow us to lose our minds if we love him and are faithful to him?

On the other hand, my grandfather who was not "saved" in the Acts 2:38 sense and called churches and preachers "thieves of the people's money and cults", lived to be 95 years old. In the end, he forgot his own children and me, but he would say things like "plead with the Lord for me". With him, I think that God had to allow him to forget some things and his own shortcomings (i believe that he had a lot of self-condemnation) so that God could deal with him. I don't know where his soul is and choose not to fly in the face of the Lord about it.

His wife, my grandmother, also lived to be 95. After suffering a stroke at age 85, she still knew who we were, but had tremendous fears, a strongwilled nature (she was set in her ways about certain things) and throughout her life, she practiced various African superstitions in addition to being a staunch attendee of the Episcopalean church. I do not know how she was baptized (and her chief caregiver - my aunt - would have not tolerated her going down in water once she had a stroke at age 85).

In the last weeks of her life, she would go in and out of lucidity, but one of my aunt told me that she would be praying and instructing her children and the people around her to praise God. She also would point upward and say "Look, look, He comin". Again, maybe she needed to go into this sort of weak mental state to get delivered from her strongwilledness and so that God could work out the dross in her heart. I don't know.

I don't want to pour salt into anyone's wounds as you all have boldly shared your painful stories here, but if we are trusting in Jesus fully and live long enough, will we also be prone to losing our minds in this way?

[Hoovie]

I just think Christians are common flesh and suffer that which is common to all flesh. We should not read too much into special cases - be they seemingly desirable or undesirable.

Our hope is not of this world.

[commonsense]

When my mother had her 2nd stroke it destroyed a large portion of her memory. She could no longer function unassisted.

She was placed in a nursing home. It didn't start out as a great place, but due to her memory problems she was placed in the Alhzheimer wing. This was a great place. She received great care here for the next year or so until she passed away.

It was hard seeing her when she didn't know who you were. Since I lived in another state I at least knew she had proper care.

[jaxfam6]

We have recently been told that my mother needs to be placed on hospice due to her Alzheimer's and other complications. This disease is horrible on families. I too have questioned God on it. I have no answer for the WHY of it but I do have peace with it. I keep asking God to take her quickly. Do not let her suffer and be in pain. That hasn't happened yet but I know He loves her and will do what is RIGHT by her. So thankful for the teaching and training she gave me.

[llambert]

Thinking of the persons that I know personally who loved God and still developed these brain diseases of Alzheimers and dementia, it seems that they all had a common personality factor: they all had very strong, almost stubborn personalities. I suppose that if the prayer of our heart is that we be like Christ, God may have to allow us to become like little children and let a malady like this come on us so that we can stop leaning upon our own understanding and be put into a position where we have to depend upon God for our lives. We need to forget who we are: our past failures that we lament and self-crucify ourselves over, or our past social status accomplishments that we take false refuge in.

May God show His grace and mercy to us all, and may His light perpetually shine upon us from this day forth, even forerevermore, Selah and Amen0 in Jesus' name.

[Timmy]

Thinking of the persons that I know personally who loved God and still developed these brain diseases of Alzheimers and dementia, it seems that they all had a common personality factor: they all had very strong, almost stubborn personalities. I suppose that if the prayer of our heart is that we be like Christ, God may have to allow us to become like little children and let a malady like this come on us so that we can stop leaning upon our own understanding and be put into a position where we have to depend upon God for our lives. We need to forget who we are: our past failures that we lament and self-crucify ourselves over, or our past social status accomplishments that we take false refuge in.

May God show His grace and mercy to us all, and may His light perpetually shine upon us from this day forth, even forerevermore, Selah and Amen0 in Jesus' name.

:blink

[jaxfam6]

Thinking of the persons that I know personally who loved God and still developed these brain diseases of Alzheimers and dementia, it seems that they all had a common personality factor: they all had very strong, almost stubborn personalities. I suppose that if the prayer of our heart is that we be like Christ, God may have to allow us to become like little children and let a malady like this come on us so that we can stop leaning upon our own understanding and be put into a position where we have to depend upon God for our lives. We need to forget who we are: our past failures that we lament and self-crucify ourselves over, or our past social status accomplishments that we take false refuge in.

May God show His grace and mercy to us all, and may His light perpetually shine upon us from this day forth, even forerevermore, Selah and Amen0 in Jesus' name.

I am glad you qualified your comments with this because my personal experience this is not true. Although I do wonder if all the pain my father put my mom through God allowed this to let her get through the remainder of her life without having to remember the pain that had been caused her.

[llambert]

I am glad you qualified your comments with this because my personal experience this is not true. Although I do wonder if all the pain my father put my mom through God allowed this to let her get through the remainder of her life without having to remember the pain that had been caused her.

I'm thinking of the persons I know who developed this condition and who loved God/Jesus- they held onto a lot of pain and couldn't let it go- I say they were "stubborn" in the sense that they could not empty themselves and become as a little child- I'm talking about still lamenting about failures from 30plus years, unlike a little child who might do something wrong in January and then forget all about it by May, the people I knew were blaming themselves for things that happened or that they did 30 to 50 years ago. So a lack of forgiveness (of themselves in the cases I'm thinking of) led to mental disease.

[ForeverBlessed]

I wouldn't dare say why some people have experienced alzheimers.. I am not one that believes God curses us with anything. I do know that often it is someone of "strong mind" and I don't mean so much strong willed, but of those who are "choleric" often business people and leaders. One thing that I will say about my mother is she was a woman who got things accomplished. I give her honor because the older I get, the more I appreciate who she was and what she did for God, family and the church.

My mother is still living, has end stage Alzheimers and has been on hospice for the last two years....mainly because of her weight...she only weighs about 80lbs at 5ft. She will be 80 in Oct. I go to see her every week...I miss her because she doesn't know who I am now...doesn't communicate much.

It is a sad disease and I know that we let my mom drive longer than most would, but this is a relatively small town and we never feared her getting lost really. The police would have brought her home. They do go through times of anger, she went off walking because she was mad at me. I let her go, exasperated with her..believe me there are many moments of exasperation. I figured I would go out and drive up and down the street till I found her...only to get a call that she was ok...she had walked about a mile away and ran into someone who was a former church member...they took her to my brother. She lived next door to the church and my brother.

She had a beaten path that went from her house to my house, one of the only places she knew how to get to in the car...that and the goodwill. :) and I think it was because she used to live in this home. We only lived a mile apart...about the time we were thinking we had to take her license my sister totaled her Cadillac and that solved the problem..whew. :) She went to live with my sister after that.

It is sad at times, you want to share, but she is no longer there....but to be honest, we have all had some really good memories also...she turned into a really funny, lovable, skirts w/tennis shoe wearing grandma who talked to strangers...especially good looking men. We had so many laughs...not at her, we love her..situations were just funny. She had been a very strict, disciplined, well dressed woman of manners...no nonsense, and could definitely speak her mind...was a business woman, great with money, but a real stick in the mud. I butted heads with her most of my life. lol

She was quite lovable and humorous for a long time with this disease. She now spends her days singing...she sings when she tries to talk, and sings herself to sleep... always singing. The walking, pacing stage was probably one of the most annoying, but she slowed down...got tired I guess. She lives in a clean home where a staff takes care of 10 elderly people...she is still self pay after all these years. :thumbsup The days I walk in (far and few between) and her face lights up when she realizes I have come to see her and for about 30 seconds I KNOW my mother knows who I am... makes my week...month for that matter.

I hope they don't let doctors medicate your friend.... I would say that education about the disease is a must, know what doctors try to give as medications, and research... my mother isn't medicated or in a stupor, we refused to let them do that to her. They do not need anything unless they are really unable to be handled. Sun downers is normal and they are their best in the mornings. I think they are handing out way too many psychotic drugs now...and they all sit around in stupors very compliant and easy for the people to handle. That's wrong...they just need to be kept busy doing things. ..they might be forgetful, but they are still parents, family and friends. Our parents didn't drug us when we were in our terrible twos and embarrassing them.

:) as you can see I have lots to say about the disease... my mom was diagnosed in 96, and has had it for 15 years...a long time.

[llambert]

ForeverBlessed:

Your description of your mother is eerily similar to my friend's description of her grandma. When she had her mental faculties, she was very stern and hard to get along with. With Alzheimers she became fun.

God is amazing, isn't he.

[Timmy]

ForeverBlessed:

Your description of your mother is eerily similar to my friend's description of her grandma. When she had her mental faculties, she was very stern and hard to get along with. With Alzheimers she became fun.

God is amazing, isn't he.

:blink

[ForeverBlessed]

ForeverBlessed:

Your description of your mother is eerily similar to my friend's description of her grandma. When she had her mental faculties, she was very stern and hard to get along with. With Alzheimers she became fun.

God is amazing, isn't he.

I will say that it provided her grandchildren with some great memories. We would often say my father would have loved it…then again, opposites attract. He passed away 12 years ago, mentally sharp and didn't get to see her that way. She wasn’t reserved, was very open, so it definitely made her more people friendly. I guess it was the good of a bad situation...for that I am thankful.

Mom was a typical of the Choleric personality… if you aren’t familiar with the temperament here is a link. http://www.fisheaters.com/quizc.html or do a google search. It does seem that most people I have known with this disease also had this type of strong personality. I’m not sure if there has been a link to that or not in studies.