...that ye may be healed. (James 5:16)

[Aquila]

I was reading the thread on The Call To Perfection and I was deeply convicted. The brother posting is passionate about victory over sin and I can honestly say that I was inspired. While I think we tangle over words to use and ways to express the need for sanctification, we are called to sanctification. I began to think about the sins I struggle with. The sins that I sometimes cherish, the sins that I also hate. I once read about how sins can have a hold on us as long as we keep them hidden. They fester and grow in power, keeping us in bondage until we bring them into the light. I looked up what are known as the 7 Deadly Sins to keep things simple. Here they are:

1. Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

2. Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

3. Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

4. Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

5. Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

6. Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.

7. Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

The sins I struggle with are Pride, Envy, Lust, and Anger. I’ll share a little about my pride…

I can be filled with such religious pride it a stench in God’s nostrils. I can be so full of myself, thinking that I’m the expert in everything when in fact; I only know enough to be dangerous many things in many things. I’ve attended extremely conservative churches with extremely high standards and I often feel like “I’ve been there and done that.” I often boast that I was a “Pharisee of the Pharisees”. And since I’ve discovered new dimensions of grace, I’ve become even more proud that I came from that background because I can speak from experience, just to give someone a piece of my mind. Also, I came from a very poor family and I’ve worked my way up to living quite well. I know I’ve been blessed by God and that others have helped me along the way… and without God and those who love me, I’d be nothing. But many times inside I feel like I deserve all the credit. For about three years I chose to live in an area in town that was WAY above my budget…just because I thought I was above living in other areas. I was going broke to feed my pride. Recently a young lady convinced me to move into a more affordable neighborhood. While it wasn’t what I consider “idea”, it’s truly livable and my finances appear to be ready to stabilize. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I’m realizing that this is a sin that I loved. It gave me identity. God has worked to humble me within the past three years. A divorce, being a part time dad, being broke and having to move to a less desired location, only being able to afford a car that comes in a lovely shade of “birth control” (as my friends jokingly say), developing a relationship with a lovely young lady who seems to be so humble I’m always telling her she needs to think of herself more. All these things have worked to reveal to me my need for humility and it’s really starting to get to me. I want to be more like Jesus…but I’ve realized that for years I haven’t been. God forgive me.

So…if there is anyone out there who wishes to discuss their struggles candidly, openly, and honestly… just to get it off your chest or to bring it to the light for prayer. Please feel free. Let’s not bash or attack one another. We need one another. Let this be a confessional discussion wherein all the masks come off and we stand as we are before one another so that we might sincerely pray for one another and encourage one another. You can be as specific and detailed as you like... or as general as you like. This is a thread to just unload your burdens and pray with brothers and sisters. We're family. There isn't a sin so dirty we'd reject you. Let's walk in the light and be cleansed.

Your brother in Christ,

Aquila

[Amanah]

ahhh, Aquila, I'm not sure how well this will work over the internet.

There are many places of brokenness in my life that I would not even care to share in such a public forum.

Honestly though, I'll share the most broken thing about me.

I'm at a place in my walk with God where I'm walking by faith. I mean literally putting one foot in front of the other because I remember what it is like to have an awesome relationship with God. But I'm so numb with pain that most times I don't feel the joy and peace of the HG in my life.

I'm going through the motions, waiting for God to restore me. I'm reading my bible and going to church and trying to pray, but it feels like i have heavy weights on me and I'm trudging through life.

I think that is all i will say about it. But I wanted to share also, since you opened up to share, I could not bear to let you do it alone.

[Aquila]

ahhh, Aquila, I'm not sure how well this will work over the internet.

There are many places of brokenness in my life that I would not even care to share in such a public forum.

Honestly though, I'll share the most broken thing about me.

I'm at a place in my walk with God where I'm walking by faith. I mean literally putting one foot in front of the other because I remember what it is like to have an awesome relationship with God. But I'm so numb with pain that most times I don't feel the joy and peace of the HG in my life.

I'm going through the motions, waiting for God to restore me. I'm reading my bible and going to church and trying to pray, but it feels like i have heavy weights on me and I'm trudging through life.

I think that is all i will say about it. But I wanted to share also, since you opened up to share, I could not bear to let you do it alone.

Thank you.

I pray God strengthen and keep you. The Bible says,

Philippians 1:6
English Standard Version (ESV)
6And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

God didn't reveal Himself to you, convict your soul, and fill you with the Holy Ghost in vain. As Paul was sure, so am I, God Himself, who began a good work in YOU, will bring it to completion when all is said and done. We often go through trials, storms, deserts, sin, and valleys darkened by the very shadow of death... but if we hold on to our faith... God will always carry us through.

I'm in a place of great brokenness also. That's why I'm posting these things. I need healing. I know others do too. They also need to know that they are not alone.

My second sin that I struggle with is envy. I was born again in a United Pentecostal Church at the age of 13 (I’m 35 now). I seemed to advance in my studies far beyond my peers. I quickly learned the rules and lived a very strict life. Today I often say I was “Amish light”. I rarely missed a service; I was always in attendance for prayer meetings and revivals. I would even spend at least two hours praying at home around the time I was ready to graduate from high school. I had such a passion and thirst for God. My first pastor said that I had an anointing and a calling on my life. After high school I married my high school sweetheart and we got our first place. She was attending church with me and was highly gifted in music and singing. They began to use her a lot. I began teaching Sunday School and helping with youth functions. My first pastor encouraged us to look into Indiana Bible College but a church split was beginning and my first pastor’s health was deteriorating. I strongly believed in loyalty to the pulpit… so I didn’t go to Bible college and I chose to keep my family in church to be of help after the split and to be of help to our ailing pastor. After he died our new pastor didn’t seem to acknowledge those of us who were in service and felt called. He brought in “new blood” and it seemed like we were tossed aside. After a couple years I made it to the “minister’s team” and I was put on a preaching rotation with most of the new guys. I felt that I had integrated well and that God had given me favor. The congregations LOVED my sermons and even requested that I preach on several occasions. Those men that I was associated with under my first pastor slowly began leaving church to start their own churches, each telling me I’d never be truly used or released under the second pastor and that I’d never realize my calling in Christ. I stayed loyal to my pulpit. My wife began feeling the same thing. She said we were being used and would never be released to do anything from God. I looked back into Bible College and my second pastor said he didn’t feel I should go or had to go. He stated that the church could provide everything a Bible college could provide…without the student loan debt. So I trusted him. My wife was starting to really struggle in her spiritual walk. The ladies left her out of things; she wasn’t used in music ministry as much as before, she felt totally alone. No family in church and a church that largely didn’t have any interest in investing in her or allowing her to leave the nest. Soon tensions flared, my wife had had it, and I was left trying to scramble to put keep my family together. The excessive standards became accusations against me and the church as being spiritually abusive. We soon left to attend another church. Now I was the “new guy” and I felt guilty even trying to get involved because so many men were members for years and aspiring to a calling in Christ. My wife and I both got involved with music and I was told that I’d be placed on the minister’s team of this new church. This never happened. This church was a wonderful church…but it seemed like they’d promise you the moon and stars…only to not come through. My wife went into melt down and open fighting began at home. Soon it was so much to bear we started missing church. My wife began to have an affair and pushed for an “open marriage”. I was devastated but I tried to remain understanding. I advocated getting counseling and mending our relationship but she informed me that she wanted nothing to do with me or the church. And she left.

I see men who seem to have been in the right place at the right time and I wonder why, when I worked so hard, was so loyal, and supposedly so “anointed” I was left to rot and simmer in my own juices spiritually? I think of those men who left “in rebellion” and started their own churches. One even looked me in the eye and said, “I told you so.” I envy them for their courage to defy the pulpit and make their callings a reality. I hate me. I beat myself against a closed door for nearly 21 years and feel like I fell in a spiritual coma. I envy them. I envy many of you. I did all I knew to do. Why is it those who succeed typically already have family in ministry? Is it really a family business? Why didn’t anyone just pat me on the back and tell me to give it up before all this? I could have done something for God. And so there are times when I’m consumed with envy and self loathing. However, things have lightened up a bit at the Baptist church I attend. I can fade into the background and just breathe. No one knowing how much of a failure I am. I often miss the Apostolic walk. I don't miss the legalism and emotional abuse I endured. However, I've been hurt so bad and in so many ways... I don't trust churches. The Baptist church I attend has house churches. Very close, private groups, wherein everyone has a say. I feel safe. I feel like I can open up. I feel like I can defend myself. Of course... many have no clue as to what the Apostolic experience is. Sometimes when I talk about the power and depth of relationship with God, they just stare like they can't believe it's possible. Many in my house church are into the "exchanged life". After learning about it I felt like there would be no group that could experience the "exchanged life" to the depth of Apostolics. But the Apostolics I know are far too concerned about the cutting of hair, television, and dress codes. :(

Some days... I feel that anointing and I feel like one day I'll return from the wilderness to some form of Apostolic fellowship. But when I just turn towards the Apostolic movement as it's found in my community... my soul becomes grieved and sickened.

I miss being so filled with Christ, it was like His very power and Spirit consumed me. I miss the gifts. It was like walking in revelation every moment. Recently I've been drawn to the topic of spiritual warfare because of some things that have happened recently that I believe are of a demonic origin. I realized the only way I know how to fight spiritually is... as an Apostolic. The Baptists (while having some very deep concepts of "grace") have nothing on Apostolics when it comes to spiritual warfare.

Also... I've felt Apostolics praying for me. I don't know who they are. But I feel them. I'm saddened however. Because many of them are no doubt in the churches wherein I suffered much pain.

[Amanah]

Aquila, I wish i could pray with you in person right now,
but instead I will walk to my bedroom right now and get down on my knees and pray for you dear brother.

[Aquila]

Another one is lust. I’ve had my struggles with lust on and off here and there as many men have. No longer having a spouse in the home has presented considerable challenges and battles in this area. I’ve not won them all. I’m used to having a companion. And so lately I’ve struggled with this more than I have since adolescence. Having a “lady-friend” who is also a divorcee has also been both a blessing and challenge. I hope to remarry one day. So I’m taking things slow. But there have still bern challenges. I know I’m not gifted as Paul was to be celibate. Thank God she's a Christian (she has Apostolic background too). So right or wrong…I’ll most likely remarry. In the mean time I struggle with many temptations and some days are victorious…some days I stare in the mirror with shame and the hate I have for myself just increases tenfold. During this season of being without a wife (about two years) I experienced what I believed was a blessed victory over lust . It lasted maybe two months. Then one day I was like a deer in rut. I prayed, sang, read my Bible, jogged, recited Scripture, called a friend, asked for prayer, and it was like my need overwhelmed me and I was defeated…again. I hear guys talk about being sinlessness and walking in perfection and I just don’t get it, but I want it. Still God will not deliver me. I’ve sat their thinking about just giving up on being a Christian because rather it’s hormones, psychological, emotional, perversion, possession, oppression, or what… I can only maintain periodic victory and then “BAM!”…I fall. I’m not sure if I’ll ever experience the total freedom I so desperately desire. So, I do expect to remarry. Maybe that will help. Until then, I’m in the fight of my life and I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. Some days, I hate me with a passion. If I could strangle myself or beat some sense into myself I would. The “Grace” teachings in the Baptist church I attend give me hope. The ol’ Apostolic line of perfection I know and here so often makes me feel like a totally hopeless wretch. I can only trust that God knows my heart… both the depths of it’s wickedness and my most sincere desire to be free from this flesh. And if these guys talking about perfection are lying about having such perfection... I would like to strangle them. Because they are walking liars and hypocrites that could drive a man to kill himself. There are times when I daydream about coming down with some deadly disease and being in a hospice. Maybe then these urges, feelings, etc. will be mute and dissipated in the shadow of facing my final demise. Maybe lying there, unable to move, knowing I’m about to die will mortify this feverish and ferocious beast of bodily flesh that I live in. In those daydreams, death greets me warm. I hope God purifies me like that. Because if I go in sudden car crash or something on a given day, there’s know telling where my mind will have been. I’ll be done for. Forever roasting in a devil’s Hell as long as God lives, with even my own creator laughing at my failures and mocking all the prayers I prayed pleading to be saved. And I’d deserve ever last bit of such torment. If there ever was a grace given wherein we are robed in a righteousness we didn’t earn or deserve, I need it desperately. I need… a Savior. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten killed on the way home from my baptism so I’d not live in constant terror of being thrown away by God because I’m so imperfect and some days… I’m all too human.

[Amanah]

Aquila, God created you with a sex drive, you are being way to hard on yourself I think. In fact I might be a little annoyed with God that he gave us such a powerfull hormones and expects us to keep them under control.

[Amanah]

Just be glad you are not a Catholic priest or a monk.

My Sister was molested by a Catholic priest when she was 11 years old, she has never had a relationship with a man and has never married because of it. If he had been allowed to marry, I'll bet my sister would be in a normal relationship today.

[Aquila]

Just be glad you are not a Catholic priest or a monk.

My Sister was molested by a Catholic priest when she was 11 years old, she has never had a relationship with a man and has never married because of it. If he had been allowed to marry, I'll bet my sister would be in a normal relationship today.

That's heart breaking. What's her first name?

[Amanah]

That's heart breaking. What's her first name?

Sharon

[RandyWayne]

Aquila, God created you with a sex drive, you are being way to hard on yourself I think. In fact I might be a little annoyed with God that he gave us such a powerfull hormones and expects us to keep them under control.

You DO realize the only reason we have these drives it have babies don't you? Lots and lots of babies.

And Chris, you do realize also (I assume) that your still dealing with deeply buried legalism from the land of apostolica don't you? It is a land where one can never measure up and the god of this land is the ultimate 'Gotchya!' god just waiting for that 10-15 minute window from when you sin until you would have repented of it in order to kill you and send you to a billion trillion endless eons of torment. That's a long time to think about how great it would have been had you NOT thought daggers at the jerk who cut you off in traffic!

[Amanah]

You DO realize the only reason we have these drives it have babies don't you? Lots and lots of babies.

!

right, it stems from the OT when guys like King David and his Sons had to keep up with their Harems. It was tough on them, but hey, someone had to do it.

[RandyWayne]

right, it stems from the OT when guys like King David and his Sons had to keep up with their Harems. It was tough on them, but hey, someone had to do it.

Ya, that would be really tough for us guys. Really really tough!

http://www.bagofnothing.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/man.jpeg

[Aquila]

Sharon

I'll pray for Sharon.

[Aquila]

Anger is my biggest problem. Working in internal aviation security, my job is HIGH STRESS. Due to federal regulations on SSI, I cannot discuss a lot of the stress and pressures I face on the job. This post would be far too long. But sometimes I get home and I feel “shaky” inside. Then I have all the chores that must be done, sometimes my list of things that have to be done is never ending. Add what my girlfriend sometimes asks of me and I’m totally overwhelmed. We both have kids… so their needs must be met and not being a traditional family is VERY difficult. I have an ex-wife that can be cool... or Satan incarnate… all depending upon how her day has gone. Don’t get me started on the pain I’ve endured from that angle. My car isn’t entirely reliable at the moment and I fear being without transportation almost constantly. I have no family to turn to for help in any way. I never knew my dad, my mother and my brother are dead. My extended family is so into drugs and drama, I can’t stand them. My own spiritual condition stresses me considerably at times (especially on days when the battle against pride, envy, and lust has been compromised in some way). I hate myself. I just want to punch anything… especially my mirror…as hard as I can. Sometimes I just go blind and break something. Anything. Just break it. I feel good afterwards…but then I look down at what I’ve done and I realize…I’m subhuman. I’m a monster. No wonder the wife left. Maybe I was like this and never noticed until now. Maybe I deserve all this because I’m just not able to cope with life. Maybe I need a Zanex cocktail or a nice stiff drink every night. One little thing goes wrong, just one minor set back, and it can send me into a downward spiral of rage. It wasn’t always this way. But I can see it clearly in my life today. And I hate me. Sometimes I’ve felt suicidal. Especially when my wife left. I had high expectations. I had high expectations about church. High expectations about ministry. High expectations about my calling. High expectations about my marriage. High expectations about my wife. High expectations about the standards we kept. High expectations about tithing and God’s provision. … high expectations about everything. Expectations that were perhaps… too high. I wish I would have known religion was more like a game or a hobby. Maybe I wouldn’t have placed so much importance on it. Now I live in the ashes and broken shards of everything that “should have been”. And I wake up and in ten minutes be ready to break something because the first thing I think about is what I could have been for God. I mask it well. But the anger is a beast alive and well on the inside. I hate it. I hate me. And yes, sometimes… I even hate the very people who are trying to love me. I have no idea why. When they say, “I love you.”, or give me encouragement, I want to insult them or kick them in the teeth. It’s strange really. Maybe it’s because I don’t love me and I don’t see how anyone else can. I can’t stand liars and I feel like they are only lying to me. But I know they do care. I just struggle with accepting it. I don’t even know if I know how to accept it. How do you let someone love you? Those are like deep mysteries to me. Love? I know I’ve given love… at least I thought it was love. But I’m not sure if I’ve ever received love. Would I know love if it were given to me? I just don’t know.

But that’s anger. The one thing that has the potential to ruin my every relationship rather it is at home, the job, or at a church. I can swallow my pride. I can smile and cloak envy. I can hide my personal struggles with lust in the privacy of my home. But I can’t hide anger. It stalks me, takes me over at times, and I say and do things that only hurt or upset those around me.

Pride
Envy
Lust
Anger

So I admit. I’m not PERFECT. For a period of a few years I felt like was pretty close, especially when I was preaching. I’m not perfect. And maybe that means I have no hope. Maybe that means God doesn’t love me. But you know what… I’m honest about it. I'm not some hypocrite talking about perfection who secretely ISN'T perfect. And maybe if God can see this…if He even has the time to read Apostolic Friends with managing the universe and all… He will take a look deep in me and see what I so wish I could be. And maybe just maybe… He’ll make me perfect. Because I can’t take much more of this. If I’ll never be free of these struggles… need to rest in grace… or rest in peace.

Make me perfect Jesus.

[Amanah]

I'll pray for Sharon.

thank you, keep me in your prayers also Chris

my name is Leslie Ann

[Amanah]

Chris, I wonder if the pain we feel is part of taking up the cross.
Even the guy who thought he was so perfect when he came to Christ was told that his human perfection was not enough.


Mark 10

17And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

19Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

[Aquila]

thank you, keep me in your prayers also Chris

my name is Leslie Ann

I will Leslie. God bless and keep you.

[Aquila]

Chris, I wonder if the pain we feel is part of taking up the cross.
Even the guy who thought he was so perfect when he came to Christ was told that his human perfection was not enough.


Mark 10

17And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

18And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

19Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

20And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

22And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.

True and perhaps.

However, they claim that their perfection is through "the Spirit". So somehow the Holy Ghost gives them some superhuman ability to be perfect. Something I've heard in the first church I attended. Of course... I discovered real quick that a few of those who claimed to have Spirit led perfection weren't. When I did I was kind of dazed, because I believed them.

[Aquila]

If this perfection teaching is real... I want it. Because I am so tired of who and what I am.

[Amanah]

13Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh,(A) sold under sin. 15For I do not understand my own actions. For(B) I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with(C) the law, that it is good. 17So now(D) it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells(E) in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19(F) For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want,(G) it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For(H) I delight in the law of God,(I) in my inner being, 23but I see in my members(J) another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from(K) this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

[Amanah]

True and perhaps.

However, they claim that their perfection is through "the Spirit". So somehow the Holy Ghost gives them some superhuman ability to be perfect. Something I've heard in the first church I attended. Of course... I discovered real quick that a few of those who claimed to have Spirit led perfection weren't. When I did I was kind of dazed, because I believed them.

Well, I have never been able to be perfect, so when you figure it out, let me in on the secret, instead I try to die daily.

[Amanah]

Romans 8:18-30

English Standard Version (ESV)



Future Glory
18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time(A) are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for(B) the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation(C) was subjected to futility, not willingly, but(D) because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that(E) the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that(F) the whole creation(G) has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have(H) the firstfruits of the Spirit,(I) groan inwardly as(J) we wait eagerly for adoption as sons,(K) the redemption of our bodies. 24For(L) in this hope we were saved. Now(M) hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we(N) wait for it with patience.
26Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For(O) we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but(P) the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27And(Q) he who searches hearts knows what is(R) the mind of the Spirit, because[a] the Spirit(S) intercedes for the saints(T) according to the will of God. 28And we know that for those who love God all things work together(U) for good,[b] for(V) those who are called according to his purpose. 29For those whom he(W) foreknew he also(X) predestined(Y) to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be(Z) the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also(AA) justified, and those whom he justified he also(AB) glorified.

[Aquila]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6J5TzSE_18

[BrotherEastman]

Another one is lust. I’ve had my struggles with lust on and off here and there as many men have. No longer having a spouse in the home has presented considerable challenges and battles in this area. I’ve not won them all. I’m used to having a companion. And so lately I’ve struggled with this more than I have since adolescence. Having a “lady-friend” who is also a divorcee has also been both a blessing and challenge. I hope to remarry one day. So I’m taking things slow. But there have still bern challenges. I know I’m not gifted as Paul was to be celibate. Thank God she's a Christian (she has Apostolic background too). So right or wrong…I’ll most likely remarry. In the mean time I struggle with many temptations and some days are victorious…some days I stare in the mirror with shame and the hate I have for myself just increases tenfold. During this season of being without a wife (about two years) I experienced what I believed was a blessed victory over lust . It lasted maybe two months. Then one day I was like a deer in rut. I prayed, sang, read my Bible, jogged, recited Scripture, called a friend, asked for prayer, and it was like my need overwhelmed me and I was defeated…again. I hear guys talk about being sinlessness and walking in perfection and I just don’t get it, but I want it. Still God will not deliver me. I’ve sat their thinking about just giving up on being a Christian because rather it’s hormones, psychological, emotional, perversion, possession, oppression, or what… I can only maintain periodic victory and then “BAM!”…I fall. I’m not sure if I’ll ever experience the total freedom I so desperately desire. So, I do expect to remarry. Maybe that will help. Until then, I’m in the fight of my life and I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. Some days, I hate me with a passion. If I could strangle myself or beat some sense into myself I would. The “Grace” teachings in the Baptist church I attend give me hope. The ol’ Apostolic line of perfection I know and here so often makes me feel like a totally hopeless wretch. I can only trust that God knows my heart… both the depths of it’s wickedness and my most sincere desire to be free from this flesh. And if these guys talking about perfection are lying about having such perfection... I would like to strangle them. Because they are walking liars and hypocrites that could drive a man to kill himself. There are times when I daydream about coming down with some deadly disease and being in a hospice. Maybe then these urges, feelings, etc. will be mute and dissipated in the shadow of facing my final demise. Maybe lying there, unable to move, knowing I’m about to die will mortify this feverish and ferocious beast of bodily flesh that I live in. In those daydreams, death greets me warm. I hope God purifies me like that. Because if I go in sudden car crash or something on a given day, there’s know telling where my mind will have been. I’ll be done for. Forever roasting in a devil’s Hell as long as God lives, with even my own creator laughing at my failures and mocking all the prayers I prayed pleading to be saved. And I’d deserve ever last bit of such torment. If there ever was a grace given wherein we are robed in a righteousness we didn’t earn or deserve, I need it desperately. I need… a Savior. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten killed on the way home from my baptism so I’d not live in constant terror of being thrown away by God because I’m so imperfect and some days… I’m all too human.

Would lust also be a craving for food, alcohol, drugs and tobacco?

[Aquila]

Would lust also be a craving for food, alcohol, drugs and tobacco?

Don't forget about caffeine or Vicodin.

[BrotherEastman]

Don't forget about caffeine or Vicodin.

Well, Vicodin is a drug.:foottap

[Amanah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6J5TzSE_18

that is really a beautifull song . . . what do i know of holy

[Aquila]

Well, Vicodin is a drug.:foottap

So is caffeine.

[Aquila]

Would lust also be a craving for food, alcohol, drugs and tobacco?

I don't know if I'd classify an addiction in the same category as a lust. I'd say that the Bible condemns drunkenness, thus any drug that inhibits thinking clearly would be prohibitted. Of course, I don't believe the Bible outright condemns drinking in totality. Smoking... eh... I'd say it's a nasty and unhealthy habbit, but I'd not go as far as call it a "lust". Craving food... give a man four days without eating and tell me if he'll crave food. I don't see that as a lust. Enjoying food, craving a nice steak or cheeseburger... I don't see that as a lust. I see it as wanting a steak or cheeseburger. Duh! To me it's a no brainer.

Now... overeating until you puke or drive yourself into obesity... that's gluttony.

[Aquila]

In the ancient Middle East they used to chew qwat after dinner and fellowship. It is a tough leafy plant that just happens to be a known amphetamine. lol

[BrotherEastman]

Chris, you are loved around here, you do realize that don't you?