View Full Version : So Mich....
So Mich, I know you visited a church recently for the first time in years and so did I (for the intent of thinking about being a regular attender....first time Easter Sunday morning.)
I went again today. This time I was going to go to a different church because, although I liked the first one (Lutheran), going twice might give the people that go there ideas and I am afraid of those kinds of things. :) So, I went to a different Lutheran church. I honestly felt wigged out, outside of the church. I didn't have a good feeling about the place. However, I had no logical reason to think that, so I went in.
I left after 10 minutes. Here is why. In the bulletin there was 1/4 of the thing taken up explaining how you have to speak with the pastor before taking communion. To take communion there means "I believe everything this church teaches". "We need to study God's Word together to make sure we are united in belief and confession." Yikes! At first I thought it might be rude to leave, but then I just got a peace about it. They were excluding me and I was going to supposedly have to agree with "everything this church teaches" to take communion?? Not happening.
So, since I had to be somewhere and had to leave at 10:15 (the church I went to this morning was at 8:30) I went back to the other one I went to on Easter Sunday which is also early. This church allows anyone to take communion that believes a few certain things and you don't have to have some sort of "measure up" meeting with the pastor. I again had a very nice experience there.
I'll be traveling around, looking here and there. Looking at churches is extremely emotional for me, in both good ways and bad.
Just thought I would share. Have you been anywhere since Easter?
Dichotomy Girl
05-04-2014, 07:17 PM
So Mich, I know you visited a church recently for the first time in years and so did I (for the intent of thinking about being a regular attender....first time Easter Sunday morning.)
I went again today. This time I was going to go to a different church because, although I liked the first one (Lutheran), going twice might give the people that go there ideas and I am afraid of those kinds of things. :) So, I went to a different Lutheran church. I honestly felt wigged out, outside of the church. I didn't have a good feeling about the place. However, I had no logical reason to think that, so I went in.
I left after 10 minutes. Here is why. In the bulletin there was 1/4 of the thing taken up explaining how you have to speak with the pastor before taking communion. To take communion there means "I believe everything this church teaches". "We need to study God's Word together to make sure we are united in belief and confession." Yikes! At first I thought it might be rude to leave, but then I just got a peace about it. They were excluding me and I was going to supposedly have to agree with "everything this church teaches" to take communion?? Not happening.
So, since I had to be somewhere and had to leave at 10:15 (the church I went to this morning was at 8:30) I went back to the other one I went to on Easter Sunday which is also early. This church allows anyone to take communion that believes a few certain things and you don't have to have some sort of "measure up" meeting with the pastor. I again had a very nice experience there.
I'll be traveling around, looking here and there. Looking at churches is extremely emotional for me, in both good ways and bad.
Just thought I would share. Have you been anywhere since Easter?
Yes, I've gone back to that same church, this morning was the 3rd time. But I think I'll be taking a break next week for Mother's and then am thinking of possibly trying out a few others.
My biggest issue right now is honestly, my husband. I know he wouldn't be thrilled about it, but he was much more opposed to it than I expected.
Firstly, he really really doesn't want me bringing Avery. But she really really loves it. (Mainly the social aspect, she's a few months short of 3, and she's not in daycare, and we have no friends with kids her age, so it's a special treat for her to be around other kids...heck, it's a treat for her to be around anyone other than us.)
I've tried to be as respectful to his beliefs about the Non-existence of God as I can be, without actually capitulating on mine. I've explained to Avery that because we can't see Jesus, or hear him talking out loud that some people don't think that he is real. And that Daddy is one of them, and that's Ok. And that's why Daddy doesn't want to go to church. I honestly think that Josh believes that they are going to gang up on her and start preaching fire and brimstone. I keep telling him that even the most conservative church I've ever been too doesn't corner 2 year olds and bombard her with "Your Daddy is going to hell!" And this is far from a conservative church.
I really try to see it from his perspective and imagine how I would feel if he told me that he became a scientologist and wanted to get Avery deprogrammed (or whatever it is they do!).
The other main problem is that we work different schedules and split child care. And during the week we see each other for about 10 minutes a day. And then we get Friday night (when he's been aware for 24 hours), saturdays, and part of Sunday. So I think he's hurt that I am giving up time with him as our hours are precious. (I had thought that he would appreciate a few hours alone each week as his portion of Avery-care doesn't allow for that.)
So I've been having a hard time trying to balance my husband, my daughter and my personal spirituality, and haven't come up with a good solution.
So I decided to take next week off, and then try to find one with a little earlier service. (which would leave us more time together on Sundays). But honestly, I don't think he's ever going to be happy, because if the choice was solely his, she would learn about religions in about 10-15 years, in a safe rational academic setting.
But as for me, I haven't had any anxiety issues, or problems. I disagree with parts of what I hear, (but I'm pretty far left when it comes to Christianity.), but I think I can say that any triggers I've had are gone. I made the mistake of saying to my husband this week, that I think it would be interesting to go to a church service similar to the ones that I once found sound difficult. Just to prove to myself that I am completely healed and have moved on. He pretty much thought I was crazy, LOL
Yes, I've gone back to that same church, this morning was the 3rd time. But I think I'll be taking a break next week for Mother's and then am thinking of possibly trying out a few others.
I skipped a week and am planning to go sporadically to this and different churches. I am not ready to jump in with both feet....not at all. I want to do this slowly and thoughtfully.
My biggest issue right now is honestly, my husband. I know he wouldn't be thrilled about it, but he was much more opposed to it than I expected.
I'm sorry. :(
Firstly, he really really doesn't want me bringing Avery. But she really really loves it. (Mainly the social aspect, she's a few months short of 3, and she's not in daycare, and we have no friends with kids her age, so it's a special treat for her to be around other kids...heck, it's a treat for her to be around anyone other than us.)
It's really hard when you have kids and you have differing beliefs. Frankly, I am glad I don't have to think about that too much. If I had little kids right now, I would probably try and raise them in a liberal church that allowed you to think and also try and expose them to different views. I was talking to my daughter the other day. I wanted to make sure no one is upset that I am going to church. My family is all okay with me going as long as I don't pressure them. My kids, in particular, play with agnosticism. (I can't blame them after all we've been through.) They have watched a lot of higher education like the Great Courses on historical Christianity etc. They know an amazing amount. Anyway, I told my daughter that I believe that God is self-evident and that I have no need to try and convince them of anything. I trust that God reveals Himself to men in His own time and His own ways. God knows all they have been through and I trust that He will work it out.
I've tried to be as respectful to his beliefs about the Non-existence of God as I can be, without actually capitulating on mine. I've explained to Avery that because we can't see Jesus, or hear him talking out loud that some people don't think that he is real. And that Daddy is one of them, and that's Ok. And that's why Daddy doesn't want to go to church. I honestly think that Josh believes that they are going to gang up on her and start preaching fire and brimstone. I keep telling him that even the most conservative church I've ever been too doesn't corner 2 year olds and bombard her with "Your Daddy is going to hell!" And this is far from a conservative church.
I wonder how he would feel if you came up with a compromise like you could take her once a month or something.
I really try to see it from his perspective and imagine how I would feel if he told me that he became a scientologist and wanted to get Avery deprogrammed (or whatever it is they do!).
Yes. I agree that it's important you both try to see each others views in this. On a side note, I watched some scientology stuff for the first time ever...Mostly ex-scientology members. Weird, weird stuff!!
The other main problem is that we work different schedules and split child care. And during the week we see each other for about 10 minutes a day. And then we get Friday night (when he's been aware for 24 hours), saturdays, and part of Sunday. So I think he's hurt that I am giving up time with him as our hours are precious. (I had thought that he would appreciate a few hours alone each week as his portion of Avery-care doesn't allow for that.)
Yes, I have somewhat the same type of problem. That is one reason I haven't been going every week.
So I've been having a hard time trying to balance my husband, my daughter and my personal spirituality, and haven't come up with a good solution.
I'll pray for you that you can find something that works for all of you. :thumbsup
So I decided to take next week off, and then try to find one with a little earlier service. (which would leave us more time together on Sundays). But honestly, I don't think he's ever going to be happy, because if the choice was solely his, she would learn about religions in about 10-15 years, in a safe rational academic setting.
Yeah, that's not all bad, but on the flip-side, it's like you said, there is that something about being in a worship service with other believers. You are in a tough spot. :(
But as for me, I haven't had any anxiety issues, or problems. I disagree with parts of what I hear, (but I'm pretty far left when it comes to Christianity.), but I think I can say that any triggers I've had are gone. I made the mistake of saying to my husband this week, that I think it would be interesting to go to a church service similar to the ones that I once found sound difficult. Just to prove to myself that I am completely healed and have moved on. He pretty much thought I was crazy, LOL
I do have anxiety issues and triggers. But I am doing my best to accept that. I feel that this background tries to make a person feel that they are bad for not being healed yesterday. I think that thinking actually keeps a person from healing, as if a person can command their own healing. I will be affected by what I experienced for the rest of my life. I am doing my best to accept that, and move forward. I also disagree with parts of things I hear but if I can find a place where I can mostly accept it and they will accept me even if I don't agree with (as that bulletin said this morning!) "everything they teach", I truly have enjoyed being in a worship service. It has been awesome.
Dichotomy Girl
05-05-2014, 06:49 AM
I think it's hard for Josh, because we met and married right when I was at the extreme left of my pendulum swing. (Which for me was basically taking a break from all things having to do with religion or Christianity).
From the start I was OK with him being an Atheist. Though one of the first questions I asked when we were dating was if he was a Fundamentalist Atheist. Because I had no interest in being told what NOT to believe (anymore than the other way around!).
And when it comes to just the two of us, there are no issues. We debate and philosophize. (He is big into philosophy and ethics), and we mostly see eye to eye on the big issues (though not always for the same reason).
Of course, Avery was an unexpected blessing, and so we are still scrambling to keep up.
It's weird though, because he was raised going to church, and was really into it in middle school, and early high school. Nothing bad happened there, it was a normal healthy church (Baptist of some kind). No abuse, no major "this person" or "God" done me wrong. He just intellectually decided that faith/christianity/God was not something he could rationally believe. So I am always saying...you grew up going to Sunday School / Church. It didn't hurt or damage you in any way.
I think fear of losing us is at the bottom of it. Fear of me becoming a different person that he wouldn't want to be married to, and fear of Avery exchanging her "my Daddy is the best man in the universe" thoughts to "my Daddy is going to hell because he doesn't believe in Jesus".
From the start I was OK with him being an Atheist. Though one of the first questions I asked when we were dating was if he was a Fundamentalist Atheist. Because I had no interest in being told what NOT to believe (anymore than the other way around!).
Yes, I joined a forum once that I left in short order because there were a bunch of atheist fundamentalists. I had left fundamentalism and wasn't interested in any kind of fundamentalism in the least! The atheists there thought their atheistic fundamentalism made them enlightened and some of them spent their time saying how stupid everyone else was. I wasn't interested!
And when it comes to just the two of us, there are no issues. We debate and philosophize. (He is big into philosophy and ethics), and we mostly see eye to eye on the big issues (though not always for the same reason).
My kids are big into philosophy so I get an earful often....philosophy was my daughter's minor. She first became interested when she read Plato's Cave and felt like she grew up there. ;)
Of course, Avery was an unexpected blessing, and so we are still scrambling to keep up.
Even if kids are expected, I think we still all spend our lives trying to keep up. ;)
It's weird though, because he was raised going to church, and was really into it in middle school, and early high school. Nothing bad happened there, it was a normal healthy church (Baptist of some kind). No abuse, no major "this person" or "God" done me wrong. He just intellectually decided that faith/christianity/God was not something he could rationally believe. So I am always saying...you grew up going to Sunday School / Church. It didn't hurt or damage you in any way.
I think fear of losing us is at the bottom of it. Fear of me becoming a different person that he wouldn't want to be married to, and fear of Avery exchanging her "my Daddy is the best man in the universe" thoughts to "my Daddy is going to hell because he doesn't believe in Jesus".
That is a valid fear and why I am talking to my family as I go and making sure they are okay with it. (If they weren't, I'm not sure what I would do...) For me, one of the biggest things is in the way the Bible is interpreted. I did some looking on a website yesterday and found one of the differences between the churches I attended yesterday is that the one I walked out of believes in a literal interpretation of the Bible. The one where I enjoyed the service believes in a more scholarly/critical interpretation. Gone are the days for me of the Bible being a black and white rule book.
commonsense
05-07-2014, 08:51 PM
This is a difficult search, there are good non Apostolic groups but it might take dedication to track them down.
Dichotomy Girl
05-08-2014, 06:21 AM
ILG: Have you considered this denomination?
http://www.disciples.org/Home/WhoWeAre/OurIdentity/tabid/67/Default.aspx
http://www.disciples.org/Portals/0/PDF/2012DiscoverTheDisciples%20Brochure.pdf
http://www.disciples.org/Portals/0/PDF/2012DisciplesBrochurepage2PDF.pdf
I really like this part about Freedom of belief, from the wikipedia entry: For modern Disciples the one essential is the acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and obedience to him in baptism.[43] There is no requirement to give assent to any other statement of belief or creed. Nor is there any "official" interpretation of the Bible.[44] Hierarchical doctrine was traditionally rejected by Disciples as human-made and divisive, and subsequently, freedom of belief and scriptural interpretation allows many Disciples to question or even deny beliefs common in doctrinal churches such as the Incarnation, the Trinity, and the Atonement. Beyond the essential commitment to follow Jesus there is a tremendous freedom of belief and interpretation. As the basic teachings of Jesus are studied and applied to life, there is the freedom to interpret Jesus' teaching in different ways. As would be expected from such an approach, there is a wide diversity among Disciples in what individuals and congregations believe. It is not uncommon to find individuals who seemingly hold diametrically opposed beliefs within the same congregation affirming one another's journeys of faith as sisters and brothers in Christ.
Members and seekers are encouraged to take being disciples seriously, meaning that they are student followers of Jesus. Often the best teaching comes in the form, "I'll tell you what I think, but read the Bible for yourself, and then study and pray about it. Decide in what ways God is calling you to be a follower of Jesus."
ILG: Have you considered this denomination?
http://www.disciples.org/Home/WhoWeAre/OurIdentity/tabid/67/Default.aspx
http://www.disciples.org/Portals/0/PDF/2012DiscoverTheDisciples%20Brochure.pdf
http://www.disciples.org/Portals/0/PDF/2012DisciplesBrochurepage2PDF.pdf
I really like this part about Freedom of belief, from the wikipedia entry:
Looks better than many. I live in a tiny po-dunk town and there is not a lot of choice here. So that will limit me.
Dichotomy Girl
05-08-2014, 04:40 PM
Looks better than many. I live in a tiny po-dunk town and there is not a lot of choice here. So that will limit me.
It could be worse...you could live in a tiny podunk town that's also in the middle of the bible belt (as I do) :dogpat
KeptByTheWord
05-08-2014, 06:13 PM
One thing I have found in visiting churches when you live in a small podunk town... is that your face is not forgotten, and the next time you show up at the grocery store, someone (probably) is going to recognize you and say... hey! when are you coming back, lol. Of course they mean well. Problem is... it is really hard to get a feel for a church just by visiting once or twice. I think it is a good idea to visit on different occasions and times, and don't become too regular until you have made your decision.
I think for most people, the basic need for having a church to belong to goes beyond spirituality, and at the heart of the need for church is really is the desire for companionship, friendship, and a social outlet. (Don't get me wrong, I believe that we should be part of a group of people because we want to worship the Lord... ) but primarily what I have seen in most churches, is that people stay in that church because of the companionship, friendships, and relationships that they have built. Just my experience, for the most part, and this stretches into any "church" group in general.
For now, our family is content to be part of a home fellowship, and it has been wonderful. I'm not saying that we would never be part of a formal church group setting again, but where we are now, we are thankful for the sweet fellowship and communion we have. We live in a pretty isolated area, and feel blessed for the fellowship that we have.
I wish both of you well in your search for a place to fill the needs in your heart!
It could be worse...you could live in a tiny podunk town that's also in the middle of the bible belt (as I do) :dogpat
LOL! So that would be worse because????
[QUOTE=KeptByTheWord;1312673] I think it is a good idea to visit on different occasions and times, and don't become too regular until you have made your decision.
Yes, I completely agree with this!
I think for most people, the basic need for having a church to belong to goes beyond spirituality, and at the heart of the need for church is really is the desire for companionship, friendship, and a social outlet. (Don't get me wrong, I believe that we should be part of a group of people because we want to worship the Lord... ) but primarily what I have seen in most churches, is that people stay in that church because of the companionship, friendships, and relationships that they have built. Just my experience, for the most part, and this stretches into any "church" group in general.
Yes, I think you are right about this. It is hard to build relationships and church is a good opportunity for that. It can be hard to build relationships on the job and around here, the next best place is the bar! LOL!
I think it feels good to know you will have a place for your funeral to be. or a place where someone can get married etc.
So, I agree there are reasons for church outside of the spiritual aspect.
For now, our family is content to be part of a home fellowship, and it has been wonderful. I'm not saying that we would never be part of a formal church group setting again, but where we are now, we are thankful for the sweet fellowship and communion we have. We live in a pretty isolated area, and feel blessed for the fellowship that we have.
Well, for me, I think it is completely a personal choice to go to church or not go or have church at home or whatever. So if you like that and are happy with it, I think that sounds great!
Dichotomy Girl
05-09-2014, 08:23 AM
LOL! So that would be worse because????
Oh, because there are tons of churches, but 99% of them are super conservative. Even the denominations that tend to be thought of as more liberal or progressive up north, tend to be conservative down here (Episcopalian and Methodist for example)
Dichotomy Girl
05-09-2014, 08:28 AM
One thing I have found in visiting churches when you live in a small podunk town... is that your face is not forgotten, and the next time you show up at the grocery store, someone (probably) is going to recognize you and say... hey! when are you coming back, lol. Of course they mean well. Problem is... it is really hard to get a feel for a church just by visiting once or twice. I think it is a good idea to visit on different occasions and times, and don't become too regular until you have made your decision.
I think for most people, the basic need for having a church to belong to goes beyond spirituality, and at the heart of the need for church is really is the desire for companionship, friendship, and a social outlet. (Don't get me wrong, I believe that we should be part of a group of people because we want to worship the Lord... ) but primarily what I have seen in most churches, is that people stay in that church because of the companionship, friendships, and relationships that they have built. Just my experience, for the most part, and this stretches into any "church" group in general.
For now, our family is content to be part of a home fellowship, and it has been wonderful. I'm not saying that we would never be part of a formal church group setting again, but where we are now, we are thankful for the sweet fellowship and communion we have. We live in a pretty isolated area, and feel blessed for the fellowship that we have.
I wish both of you well in your search for a place to fill the needs in your heart!
I was actually considering having maybe 4 or more different churches that I could alternate between. It seems to be the only solution that I can come up with. I wouldn't mind attending something a bit pentecostal occasionally, but hubby would never let me bring our Daughter, she really likes the sunday school at the non-denominational one, but Hubby isn't really thrilled with that one either. If I could find a Unitarian hubby would probably attend occasionally with us...
Maybe it's the Dichotomy Girl in me....I want to be all denominations, LOL
Oh, because there are tons of churches, but 99% of them are super conservative. Even the denominations that tend to be thought of as more liberal or progressive up north, tend to be conservative down here (Episcopalian and Methodist for example)
I see. I lived in the Bible belt for a long time but I was UPC then.
Dichotomy Girl
05-09-2014, 08:39 AM
I see. I lived in the Bible belt for a long time but I was UPC then.
And many of the very liberal don't exist in my area at all. I can't remember the town you live in, though I think I have the general idea.
Have you looked into United Church of Christ? They are fairly liberal. Though they are inclusive (or gay-affirming, or however you want to phrase it), which I think is pretty cool, but I know others would have a problem with.
And many of the very liberal don't exist in my area at all. I can't remember the town you live in, though I think I have the general idea.
Have you looked into United Church of Christ? They are fairly liberal. Though they are inclusive (or gay-affirming, or however you want to phrase it), which I think is pretty cool, but I know others would have a problem with.
Yes, I had some co-workers talk me into going to the UCC in our area. A lot of my old co-workers go there. I went and I had a major panic attack. It was the 100th anniversary of the KJV or something and they read Acts 2 out of the KJV! And when the preacher read about them talking in tongues a couple of women were like amen! That's right! Well this really made me mad because I think they would give Pentecostals down the road. This was really before I was ready to be there and face this. My whole back and shoulders were sore after I left all day long and I, of course, didn't tell anyone how I was feeling. They wouldn't have understood any of it.
In my opinion, from what I saw, I feel like the UCC is too liberal for my taste. What I mean by this is the feeling I got from my co-workers is that it was "wrong" to be conservative. I want to go to a church that is inclusive. By this, I mean not anti-conservative. If the church includes people of all stripes, fine. But I don't want it thrown in my face. Because I believe that some people have genetic issues that cause them to have issues with gayness, I want a church that does not judge them, even if they choose a same sex relationship. But I would not want to sit under a gay pastor (my choice) and I don't want gay rooty-toot-tootin going on around me either. Some people are superior because of their conservationism and some because of their liberalism. I want to go to a church that accepts people as they are in humbleness. I want women accepted into the ministry, but I don't want to live around flaming feminism. You see what I mean? I lean conservative, but I have learned to be more open minded about others. That doesn't mean I want it shoved down my throat and made to parade around about how right I am.
So, anyway, that is my take on the UCC, my impression. I could be wrong. Have you tried one?
Dichotomy Girl
05-09-2014, 11:55 AM
Yes, I had some co-workers talk me into going to the UCC in our area. A lot of my old co-workers go there. I went and I had a major panic attack. It was the 100th anniversary of the KJV or something and they read Acts 2 out of the KJV! And when the preacher read about them talking in tongues a couple of women were like amen! That's right! Well this really made me mad because I think they would give Pentecostals down the road. This was really before I was ready to be there and face this. My whole back and shoulders were sore after I left all day long and I, of course, didn't tell anyone how I was feeling. They wouldn't have understood any of it.
In my opinion, from what I saw, I feel like the UCC is too liberal for my taste. What I mean by this is the feeling I got from my co-workers is that it was "wrong" to be conservative. I want to go to a church that is inclusive. By this, I mean not anti-conservative. If the church includes people of all stripes, fine. But I don't want it thrown in my face. Because I believe that some people have genetic issues that cause them to have issues with gayness, I want a church that does not judge them, even if they choose a same sex relationship. But I would not want to sit under a gay pastor (my choice) and I don't want gay rooty-toot-tootin going on around me either. Some people are superior because of their conservationism and some because of their liberalism. I want to go to a church that accepts people as they are in humbleness. I want women accepted into the ministry, but I don't want to live around flaming feminism. You see what I mean? I lean conservative, but I have learned to be more open minded about others. That doesn't mean I want it shoved down my throat and made to parade around about how right I am.
So, anyway, that is my take on the UCC, my impression. I could be wrong. Have you tried one?
No, they don't have any in my area. I'm taking this Sunday off, but I'm not sure what I will try next.....
No, they don't have any in my area. I'm taking this Sunday off, but I'm not sure what I will try next.....
I'm taking this Sunday off too. :thumbsup Not sure what I am going to do next either. I'm taking it day by day and feel no pressure to do otherwise! It is really nice to be able to enjoy the journey. :)
Mich, how old were you when you got into the UPC and how many years were you there?
Dichotomy Girl
05-10-2014, 06:51 AM
Mich, how old were you when you got into the UPC and how many years were you there?
Ah, my story is weird and on and off....
My first time I went to an Apostolic church I was 18 years old. It was the summer between my first and second year of college and I was working 3rd shift at a gas station. This guy would come in every early morning for coffee and we would talk about life, the universe and everything.
One night he asked if I wanted to come to a movie at his church. I thought it was a date, but it turned out that he had a girlfriend, and he really just wanted to set me up with Jesus. :laffatu (He's a good guy, and I am still facebook friends with him and his wife...but it wasn't the smartest way to handle witnessing, LOL)
The movie was actually a taped copy of the passion play that was put on by the big church in Alexandria, I think it was... Anyway, all I remember was crying through the entire thing and being so embarrassed, and trying to sink as far down into my little metal folding chair as I could.
It was so long ago, and short, that I don't really remember a lot. I went to church for a couple months. I did decide to get baptized. I never got the Holy ghost though. And once my 2nd year of college started up, I was ready to return to "normal". I didn't care about standards, but there were a lot of other things I didn't want to give up. I remember quite clearly trying to get the Pastor's wife to give me a specific of what I would physically be able to do with my on again boyfriend, and her being quite red in the face as I was quite graphic and we were at a church picnic! (I wasn't just being obnoxious, I was raised completely secular and this was pre-internet, I had no clue, everyone I knew was catholic and drank and smoked and had premarital sex).
Anyway, fast forward 6 years, I've been married to Matt less than 6 months, and I know it was a horrible mistake, but I'm too proud to admit it. I was miserable and started seeking again. As it was my only experience with church, I decided to visit that apostolic church from my past.
The church and my marriage ended up being very intertwined. I remember sharing with one of my "mentors" that I was afraid my marriage had been a mistake and not at all God's will. And she said to me "It no longer matters if it was God's will for you to get married, it's God's will for you to stay married."
So, I stayed married because church said God demanded it, and I stayed in the church because it was the only way I could deal with my marriage.
Anyway, I was about 24. I was about 33-34 when I left.
Dichotomy Girl
05-12-2014, 11:14 AM
Bump for ILG
Hey, Mich, thanks for the bump.
My first time I went to an Apostolic church I was 18 years old. It was the summer between my first and second year of college and I was working 3rd shift at a gas station. This guy would come in every early morning for coffee and we would talk about life, the universe and everything.
One night he asked if I wanted to come to a movie at his church. I thought it was a date, but it turned out that he had a girlfriend, and he really just wanted to set me up with Jesus. :laffatu (He's a good guy, and I am still facebook friends with him and his wife...but it wasn't the smartest way to handle witnessing, LOL)
LOL! He should have been more clear on that!
The movie was actually a taped copy of the passion play that was put on by the big church in Alexandria, I think it was... Anyway, all I remember was crying through the entire thing and being so embarrassed, and trying to sink as far down into my little metal folding chair as I could.
It was so long ago, and short, that I don't really remember a lot. I went to church for a couple months. I did decide to get baptized. I never got the Holy ghost though. And once my 2nd year of college started up, I was ready to return to "normal". I didn't care about standards, but there were a lot of other things I didn't want to give up. I remember quite clearly trying to get the Pastor's wife to give me a specific of what I would physically be able to do with my on again boyfriend, and her being quite red in the face as I was quite graphic and we were at a church picnic! (I wasn't just being obnoxious, I was raised completely secular and this was pre-internet, I had no clue, everyone I knew was catholic and drank and smoked and had premarital sex).
Anyway, fast forward 6 years, I've been married to Matt less than 6 months, and I know it was a horrible mistake, but I'm too proud to admit it. I was miserable and started seeking again. As it was my only experience with church, I decided to visit that apostolic church from my past.
The church and my marriage ended up being very intertwined. I remember sharing with one of my "mentors" that I was afraid my marriage had been a mistake and not at all God's will. And she said to me "It no longer matters if it was God's will for you to get married, it's God's will for you to stay married."
So, I stayed married because church said God demanded it, and I stayed in the church because it was the only way I could deal with my marriage.
Anyway, I was about 24. I was about 33-34 when I left.
Church and my marriage were also very intertwined as the pastor told my husband we needed to get married and we did within a month! We got baptized the day after we got married. There weren't even any relatives at our wedding. Anyway, we began our marriage and our UPC journey at the very same time. I also got pregnant 3 months later and we had moved 800 miles from home and didn't know anybody. This was a really tough way to start a marriage.
Fast forward 19 years later.....we left the UPC and it was really nice to be just us. Really, really nice.
Abiding Now
05-13-2014, 12:07 PM
Got to be one of the saddest threads I've ever read. Must be tough to be adrift like this. I did stop reading and prayed for both of you.
Well, that was uplifting. Spread the cheer.
So, here is today's experience...
I decided to go to a little church I saw on the highway. The name is Trinity Fellowship. I pulled up and there was one van in the parking lot (couple minutes to 10:00). The van was full of a mom and about 5 teens, the girls all had long hair and skirts. More people arrived, women in long hair and skirts. I was told the pastor was not there that day. A woman unlocked the door and immediately the mold smell was overwhelming (old building). I knew this wasn't going to be good. Then in walks a couple of women with pants on and cut hair and earrings. One of them was "grandma".
A kid walks up to me and says "Do you know my Mom?"
Obviously, no one visits there unless they know people from the church! Ha!
Church started and I realized they started with adult Sunday School. Only it was kids Sunday School too. There were about 18 people and they asked us to all move over to the one side of the church. I sat immediately behind the only two small children in the church who were loud and disruptive. (Not really complaining, I remember the days...)
It was horrifically boring. But worst of all, the mold was bothering me very badly. After 20 minutes, I tapped the woman in the pew in front of me on the shoulder and told her I was having a bad reaction to the mold and had to go.
My impression of the place was that I was at a very conservative trinitarian church. They seemed very insular and very casual.
I did not feel God there at all but may have had anything happened besides a few scripture readings and talking about it (no music).
So, that was a disappointment but at least now I know what's there.
KeptByTheWord
05-26-2014, 10:41 AM
Sooo... since the pastor wasn't there, surely you want to go back and visit when he is? J/k....
How many more churches are on your list to visit?
I don't think I would be back to visit this church either. When a church is full of mostly women, it lets you know there is are underlying problems there, IMO.
Sooo... since the pastor wasn't there, surely you want to go back and visit when he is? J/k....
How many more churches are on your list to visit?
I don't think I would be back to visit this church either. When a church is full of mostly women, it lets you know there is are underlying problems there, IMO.
LOL! I won't go back because I can't stand the smell and reaction! I suppose to their way of thinking I was probably a sinner unable to cope! LOL!
I don't know how many more I will visit. I'm just going to enjoy the journey...;)
KeptByTheWord
05-26-2014, 02:31 PM
LOL! I won't go back because I can't stand the smell and reaction! I suppose to their way of thinking I was probably a sinner unable to cope! LOL!
I don't know how many more I will visit. I'm just going to enjoy the journey...;)
Well the smell obviously was a huge turn-off, for sure.
But there are obviously other problems too... and of course, they probably wrote you off as thinking you just couldn't handle a service like that, lol.
I wish you well on your journey, it is a great experience to be able to visit other churches, and see what else is out there for you :)
So Mich, you seem to be MIA. Are you out there anywhere? ;)
So, I went to the Lutheran church for the 3rd time. I was invited to stay for coffee and sweets afterwards but was meeting my Mom to visit my Granny in the nursing home, so I didn't stay.
For some reason, I got very upset at church today. It was nothing anybody did.....I guess, since I was there for the third time, I was feeling panicky...and then being invited to stay for coffee made me feel like I was being eyeballed, like they were going to tie me down and force me to be a member and be there all the time. LOL! My feelings are irrational, but I am very commitment shy. I sat there thinking "Is this what you believe?? Do you want to be here??" I cried all the way home. Hard.
So, I just don't know what I am thinking. I feel like someone who was married to a wife abuser, who got her ribs broken and her teeth smashed in....who finally got a divorce....left off men for a few years and am now dating again. (Erase abusive husband and put in abusive church and fill in the blanks.) I'm terrified.
Well, I don't have to make any commitments and I am not being forced to do anything for fear of hell. So, when my nervous system calms down, I'm sure I'll be alright. Just having flashbacks, I guess...
Dichotomy Girl
06-10-2014, 06:49 AM
So Mich, you seem to be MIA. Are you out there anywhere? ;)
So, I went to the Lutheran church for the 3rd time. I was invited to stay for coffee and sweets afterwards but was meeting my Mom to visit my Granny in the nursing home, so I didn't stay.
For some reason, I got very upset at church today. It was nothing anybody did.....I guess, since I was there for the third time, I was feeling panicky...and then being invited to stay for coffee made me feel like I was being eyeballed, like they were going to tie me down and force me to be a member and be there all the time. LOL! My feelings are irrational, but I am very commitment shy. I sat there thinking "Is this what you believe?? Do you want to be here??" I cried all the way home. Hard.
So, I just don't know what I am thinking. I feel like someone who was married to a wife abuser, who got her ribs broken and her teeth smashed in....who finally got a divorce....left off men for a few years and am now dating again. (Erase abusive husband and put in abusive church and fill in the blanks.) I'm terrified.
Well, I don't have to make any commitments and I am not being forced to do anything for fear of hell. So, when my nervous system calms down, I'm sure I'll be alright. Just having flashbacks, I guess...
Yeah, I am kinda MIA. My folk are visiting from Wisconsin, so I've not been on the computer, and I spent the week before getting everything ready.
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time! Avery and I took a few weeks off and then went again weekend before last. She was SOOOOOO excited. I think it's funny because about 10 girls/women came up, talked to her, and knew her name. I make polite small talk, but never to the point of exchanging names. So I am "Avery's Mom", LOL
I have to say that everyone is friendly, but not in an overly familiar or pushy kind of way, which is nice because I might want to try other places before deciding on this one.
All-in-all, don't rush yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. It's a journey, not a destination. If you try to force yourself to "Hey, I'm your average happy church-goer whose perfectly well-adjusted with no triggers or anxiety, yay!" you are only going to get MORE anxious when you realize that it's not really true, LOL
I guess that's my secret, a total lack of expectations. I go to church so that my daughter can have social interaction, so that I can have (limited) fellowship with other believers (I get something out of just being in the same room...regardless of my level of interaction), and as a bonus I get to spend some time mulling over some of the philosophical aspects of my faith (that's sermon time).
I most EMPHATICALLY do not go because God or people expect it from me, for spiritual accountability, or because I need an emotional pick-me-up or release, or because I think I'll go to hell if I don't. I'm also not really looking for a "church family" or a "place to belong". So I guess I don't get anxious about church, because I know that I'm not vulnerable in the way I was 15 years ago. And I believe that I've learned from my experiences, to make better, smarter and more informed decisions. I think you'll get there! :yourock
Yeah, I am kinda MIA. My folk are visiting from Wisconsin, so I've not been on the computer, and I spent the week before getting everything ready.
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time! Avery and I took a few weeks off and then went again weekend before last. She was SOOOOOO excited. I think it's funny because about 10 girls/women came up, talked to her, and knew her name. I make polite small talk, but never to the point of exchanging names. So I am "Avery's Mom", LOL
I have to say that everyone is friendly, but not in an overly familiar or pushy kind of way, which is nice because I might want to try other places before deciding on this one.
All-in-all, don't rush yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. It's a journey, not a destination. If you try to force yourself to "Hey, I'm your average happy church-goer whose perfectly well-adjusted with no triggers or anxiety, yay!" you are only going to get MORE anxious when you realize that it's not really true, LOL
I guess that's my secret, a total lack of expectations. I go to church so that my daughter can have social interaction, so that I can have (limited) fellowship with other believers (I get something out of just being in the same room...regardless of my level of interaction), and as a bonus I get to spend some time mulling over some of the philosophical aspects of my faith (that's sermon time).
I most EMPHATICALLY do not go because God or people expect it from me, for spiritual accountability, or because I need an emotional pick-me-up or release, or because I think I'll go to hell if I don't. I'm also not really looking for a "church family" or a "place to belong". So I guess I don't get anxious about church, because I know that I'm not vulnerable in the way I was 15 years ago. And I believe that I've learned from my experiences, to make better, smarter and more informed decisions. I think you'll get there! :yourock
After reading this, I was thinking, okay, why am I going to church? I am going because I want a social structure where I can be with people who also want to worship God and I want to worship God, not necessarily in that order. But I want to do it without the other people. LOL! No, I suppose that is not true. But we were just literally tormented by some of the people we went to church with for some years. I don't know what you know about my situation, so here is a briefing. One woman sat behind me for a couple years and heckled and criticized my husband enough so I could hear. They broke into the church building and tried to steal it (yes, the whole thing!). Someone smashed out my husband's headlights and taillights on his truck, and drove by beeping their horn at 3 AM every night for weeks. We were sued for something we didn't do and just harassed for years until they finally dropped it with no proof. Without getting into the whole story, we had minimal support from the district and some outright hostility as well, because the previous pastor, who was paying for his motorcycle with church funds before we were there, supported the hecklers/plaintiffs and he and his wife were very high up in the organization and respected. So, can we say baggage? Yes, indeed, I don't see that baggage too much as long as I stay away from church, but once I step in the doors, I have some pretty bad issues. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.
I'm happy it is easier for you and that Avery is having a good time. I didn't go last week.
Today, I went to an Assembly of God church. Overall, it was a positive experience. (I hadn't been to church since I cried all the way home from the Lutheran church that day.) The AOG has a similar structure to UPC except it is toned down a bit. No preacher frothing at the mouth or wild speaking in tongues. ;) But the structure of the service was similar and the songs were similar. I enjoy good music and that is one thing I don't like about the Lutheran church. I find the music boring.
The preacher tried to peg me right away as to whether I needed saving or not and I told him I had a looonngg church history. But his questions didn't bother me either. Today, I felt very casual about the whole thing and enjoyed it, even. I easily overlooked any stuff I disagreed with. The question is whether or not I could do that on a long term basis.
I got out some of my old church music today and sang and played some of it. I feel really emotional about it right now. I feel I am coming more to a place of acceptance with what we have been through. This has been ongoing for a number of months. We talk a lot about trusting God but when the rubber meets the road and you get hit by a mack truck then you get to decide what trust really is. Truthfully, I do trust God. I just don't understand all of it.
Anyway, there is my most recent church visit.
Dichotomy Girl
07-14-2014, 11:54 AM
Today, I went to an Assembly of God church. Overall, it was a positive experience. (I hadn't been to church since I cried all the way home from the Lutheran church that day.) The AOG has a similar structure to UPC except it is toned down a bit. No preacher frothing at the mouth or wild speaking in tongues. ;) But the structure of the service was similar and the songs were similar. I enjoy good music and that is one thing I don't like about the Lutheran church. I find the music boring.
The preacher tried to peg me right away as to whether I needed saving or not and I told him I had a looonngg church history. But his questions didn't bother me either. Today, I felt very casual about the whole thing and enjoyed it, even. I easily overlooked any stuff I disagreed with. The question is whether or not I could do that on a long term basis.
I got out some of my old church music today and sang and played some of it. I feel really emotional about it right now. I feel I am coming more to a place of acceptance with what we have been through. This has been ongoing for a number of months. We talk a lot about trusting God but when the rubber meets the road and you get hit by a mack truck then you get to decide what trust really is. Truthfully, I do trust God. I just don't understand all of it.
Anyway, there is my most recent church visit.
I'm glad this visit went a little better than your last one! I didn't go yesterday because I wasn't feeling very well, but Avery and I went the week before. We almost didn't, Josh had worked overtime, and with our opposite schedules we barely see each other anyway. But when I talked about not going Avery started crying really hard and pleading to go to church...and who can resist that?
I ended up being really glad that I went, as the message was about one area of that particular churches vision, and was one I really needed to hear. I find myself often sitting in church and wondering if they would truly accept me knowing that.....
...I only agree with about 50% of what they teach
...I will never tithe or give any money (My atheist husband's stipulation)
...I don't accept the doctrine of biblical infallibity
...I'm a ___________ (some examples: democrat, liberal, progressive, philosopher, ecumenicalist,(probably made up that word), relativist, and partial universalist, pro-choice, pro-gay rights....yadda yadda yadda)
Anyway, so the pastor was talking about the vision of the church (to reach and minister to those far from God), and in the course of that he said something along the lines of "We have no expectations of you. Nothing you've done in the past, are doing in the present, or might do in the future, will make you not be welcome here." (Don't worry, he added a stipulation of legal things, like restraining orders, or background checks on people who work with the children). But that felt very much like something I needed to hear. I admit it, I cried (the silent kind where big fat tears just keep rolling down your face unchecked).
So, that really felt like a sign or a nudge, because I think we all long to be accepted where we are, because tolerance and love (this does not necessarily always mean agreement or approval, contrary to what conservatives might say about us) are important to me, and because I was thinking of others out there, others like us.
Most people when you say "those far from God" would think of those who've never been properly introduced or entered into relationship. But aren't those who have a warped and tainted view of God, who are afraid to trust, or let Him close, aren't they the ones who are truly far from God?
I agree with you about the music. The music at this church is fast, loud rock music. I often find myself missing the slower more contemplative music from my past.
I think it's good that you took out and listened to your old music. There's something that happens as time passes and you begin to heal. Like with my first marriage. I can recall the bad things about that marriage, but they slowly separated from the strong emotions that they used to have, and without those painful negative emotions, not only do you see things a bit more clearly, but it also becomes possible to pick out good positive memories/associations.
So that once upon a time, I was likely to throw my Bible across the room if I opened it up and looked at it, now I can smile at verses that are associated with good memories. Or I can listen to my old CD's and they bring me comfort (many of them, because I ASSOCIATE them with being comforted)
It's one of the reasons why I'd really like to attend one more apostolic service. I think healing, for me, would be attending that type of service, because able to rejoice in the shared worship of God, enjoy the music, rationally and critically (the analytic meaning, not just being negative) engage in the sermon, to agree in the basics and lovingly disagree where our doctrines diverge.
But then, I've always been an idealist! LOL
I ended up being really glad that I went, as the message was about one area of that particular churches vision, and was one I really needed to hear. I find myself often sitting in church and wondering if they would truly accept me knowing that.....
...I only agree with about 50% of what they teach
...I will never tithe or give any money (My atheist husband's stipulation)
...I don't accept the doctrine of biblical infallibity
...I'm a ___________ (some examples: democrat, liberal, progressive, philosopher, ecumenicalist,(probably made up that word), relativist, and partial universalist, pro-choice, pro-gay rights....yadda yadda yadda)
I totally understand that! You know how people swarm you, wanting you to come again? I was thinking "If I came, you do not know what you are in for!" I go to worship God, not to agree with theology.
Anyway, so the pastor was talking about the vision of the church (to reach and minister to those far from God), and in the course of that he said something along the lines of "We have no expectations of you. Nothing you've done in the past, are doing in the present, or might do in the future, will make you not be welcome here." (Don't worry, he added a stipulation of legal things, like restraining orders, or background checks on people who work with the children). But that felt very much like something I needed to hear. I admit it, I cried (the silent kind where big fat tears just keep rolling down your face unchecked).
So, that really felt like a sign or a nudge, because I think we all long to be accepted where we are, because tolerance and love (this does not necessarily always mean agreement or approval, contrary to what conservatives might say about us) are important to me, and because I was thinking of others out there, others like us.
Well, I have to say, I hope what that preacher said is not just words and they they actually deliver. You do deserve that!
Most people when you say "those far from God" would think of those who've never been properly introduced or entered into relationship. But aren't those who have a warped and tainted view of God, who are afraid to trust, or let Him close, aren't they the ones who are truly far from God?
In my opinion, no. I am afraid to trust, yet I do not feel far from God. I do feel far from church though.
I think it's good that you took out and listened to your old music. There's something that happens as time passes and you begin to heal. Like with my first marriage. I can recall the bad things about that marriage, but they slowly separated from the strong emotions that they used to have, and without those painful negative emotions, not only do you see things a bit more clearly, but it also becomes possible to pick out good positive memories/associations.
I completely agree. And I was not listening to music, I was playing on the piano and singing what I used to sing there. It was very personal because it signifies not just music, but the whole identity that I used to be, church person, pastor's wife, music lead etc.
It's one of the reasons why I'd really like to attend one more apostolic service. I think healing, for me, would be attending that type of service, because able to rejoice in the shared worship of God, enjoy the music, rationally and critically (the analytic meaning, not just being negative) engage in the sermon, to agree in the basics and lovingly disagree where our doctrines diverge.
I'll probably get there at some point.
But then, I've always been an idealist! LOL
You and me both!
:thumbsup
For me, I would probably have thrown the whole thing out if not for the conversion experience I had.
Sasha
07-14-2014, 04:16 PM
As I sat in service yesterday, I thought of you both. I'm sure you both would love it and feel so welcome there.
As I sat in service yesterday, I thought of you both. I'm sure you both would love it and feel so welcome there.
Nice of you to think of us. ;)
Sasha
07-14-2014, 04:39 PM
Nice of you to think of us. ;)
I love my friends. ;)
KeptByTheWord
07-15-2014, 04:20 PM
There recently was a Church in the Park service in our area. 10 different churches in the area got together to have service together in the local city park. A friend of mine from one of the churches invited me to come, so my daughter and I went. It was actually kind of neat, because I got to see a lot of people there that I knew from the community.
The AOG church in town did the music for the service, and I have to say it was incredibly awesome, and spirit filled. There was a well rounded group of songs, both old and new. By far, the song that got the most raised hands in the air, and you could literally hear the swell of singing all across the park was when they began to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".
They served up a free potluck BBQ lunch afterwards. I guesstimated about 200-300 people were there. Everyone brought lawn chairs or blankets. There were kids who ran around handing out booklets with the words to all the songs that would be sung, which was really nice, as there were a few of the songs I didn't know and it was good to have the words in printed form.
The Baptist minister preached, and I thought he did an excellent job. He spoke on Surviving or Thriving, and explained the difference between just barely making it with your walk with the Lord, or having a thriving experience with the Lord.
It was a really wonderful service, really. I have not visited the AOG church in town, because I've found out that as soon as you show your face in a church building, you recognize people from the community, and then as you see them in the community, they want to know why you haven't been back to church, lol. But, perhaps I'll go and visit, especially since ILG had a good experience last week.
I'll keep you posted ;)
navygoat1998
07-15-2014, 04:29 PM
I want you guys(girls) to know that I am enjoying being part of your search for a church home. :thumbsup
I want you guys(girls) to know that I am enjoying being part of your search for a church home. :thumbsup
Thanks! Anyone is welcome to read or tell stories!
There recently was a Church in the Park service in our area. 10 different churches in the area got together to have service together in the local city park. A friend of mine from one of the churches invited me to come, so my daughter and I went. It was actually kind of neat, because I got to see a lot of people there that I knew from the community.
The AOG church in town did the music for the service, and I have to say it was incredibly awesome, and spirit filled. There was a well rounded group of songs, both old and new. By far, the song that got the most raised hands in the air, and you could literally hear the swell of singing all across the park was when they began to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".
They served up a free potluck BBQ lunch afterwards. I guesstimated about 200-300 people were there. Everyone brought lawn chairs or blankets. There were kids who ran around handing out booklets with the words to all the songs that would be sung, which was really nice, as there were a few of the songs I didn't know and it was good to have the words in printed form.
The Baptist minister preached, and I thought he did an excellent job. He spoke on Surviving or Thriving, and explained the difference between just barely making it with your walk with the Lord, or having a thriving experience with the Lord.
It was a really wonderful service, really. I have not visited the AOG church in town, because I've found out that as soon as you show your face in a church building, you recognize people from the community, and then as you see them in the community, they want to know why you haven't been back to church, lol. But, perhaps I'll go and visit, especially since ILG had a good experience last week.
I'll keep you posted ;)
Please do! I am going to try this little full gospel church next. Somehow I would like to marry the Lutheran church with the good music so far. I don't really want to choose!
So, today I had a weird attempt at church. First of all, churches are HORRIBLE at advertising their times to visitors! Many have just their address on the web and nothing else. Makes it hard! Not too good for growing a church!
Anyway, I had intended to go to the Lutheran church again today. Got there at the normal time and it had a sign outside the church that it was moved to an hour and a half later! So, I drove home and decided to go to a different one that was earlier. I had it in my head that it started at 10:00 but drove there are found out that Sunday School was at 9:45 and worship at 10:45. I didn't want to walk in late and decided to go gas up my car and wash it and it would be about time for the Lutheran one to start! So, I gassed the car and washed it and drove to the Lutheran church. Nobody there. Then, a sign up on the door said that service was that night at 6:00!! Sheesh! Not sure what happened to the morning service! So then, I turned around and drove back to the other one in time for regular service. Wow! 4th try!
So, here I am at a little trinitarian Pentecostal church. The pastor I found out was licensed AOG. There was no pianist that day as she was gone. There were 8 people there besides me. ;)
We sang two songs acapella, which was kind of peaceful although I prefer a piano. Then we had a prayer session for Israel and the Christians over there for 10 minutes. It was long. After running around all morning and then having my eyes closed for that long, I got drowsy. ;)
The sermon was quite good. I really liked the pastor and his wife. (Didn't really care for the pastor at the AOG I went to last time....seemed showy and forward, kinda pushy.) They seemed really down to earth. He has pastored for 40 years altogether. Someone asked him a question (very casual atmosphere) and he answered very honesty and a very good answer. She asked if praying for someone was all a person could do if they wouldn't listen to you. He said that sometimes, yes. And he said a person should love them and listen to them and that he doesn't know everything and the longer he lives the more he realizes that he doesn't know much of anything and that listening to someone is good!! Then he said "that may not be the answer you wanted but it's what I have to give". I thought it was very honest.
There was some shama-la-ha that went on in the congregation that turned me off a bit. A little bit of showman Pentecost, but not from the pastor and his wife that I saw.
So.....meh. I would probably be friends with the pastor and his wife. But don't know about the rest of it.
KeptByTheWord
07-28-2014, 09:05 AM
What a crazy experience you had with all the church service time changes! I agree that is pretty frustrating. I remember whenever our church would change the schedule of the services, that someone would try to remember to post it on the door, but sometimes it got forgotten. That makes it really hard for visitors, who would have no way of knowing the time of the service had been changed.
It seems like you had an interesting experience with the little church you visited. Are you planning to give it another shot?
What a crazy experience you had with all the church service time changes! I agree that is pretty frustrating. I remember whenever our church would change the schedule of the services, that someone would try to remember to post it on the door, but sometimes it got forgotten. That makes it really hard for visitors, who would have no way of knowing the time of the service had been changed.
It seems like you had an interesting experience with the little church you visited. Are you planning to give it another shot?
I am not sure. I guess the biggest turn off is the very small size of it and that what I overheard of the Sunday School (which was a few women sitting around a table....no children there) was that I would not fit in. If I went there, I'm afraid I would cause too much trouble with my questioning ways. Not with the pastor so much....but with the other people.
KeptByTheWord
07-28-2014, 03:49 PM
I am not sure. I guess the biggest turn off is the very small size of it and that what I overheard of the Sunday School (which was a few women sitting around a table....no children there) was that I would not fit in. If I went there, I'm afraid I would cause too much trouble with my questioning ways. Not with the pastor so much....but with the other people.
Yes, having a questioning nature will tend to get you in trouble just about anywhere, lol!
KeptByTheWord
07-28-2014, 04:00 PM
I went to visit a little church here in town. I believe they may have been AOG at some time in the past, but call themselves a community church now. Everyone was very friendly. They didn't have live music, but recorded CDs and three people singing along in the mics with the CDs. The worship was very low-key, but sweet. At the end of one of the songs that was singing about Jesus being the Lamb of God, an elderly man across the aisle gave tongues, and interpretation at the end of the song. The pastor explained afterwards that the tongues and interpretation can be found in 1 Cor. 14, and that if anyone had any questions to come see him, but that it was for the edification of the church. I was glad to hear him explain what had just happened, because I knew I wasn't the only visitor there.
Then they had a special speaker. This man travels around the world, and acts out parables of Jesus putting them in modern day settings and speech. It was enjoyable. I would have rather heard preaching, but, anyway it was what it was. Many people came by to welcome and greet me. I noticed that the major demographics of the people in the church were at least 50+, with maybe 20+ people younger than that. I would say the church had about 80 people there that morning. Overall, I really liked the service, the quiet, low-key sweet spirit of worship, and the fact that all the songs they sang worshiped Jesus, and even one song about the name of Jesus. I would be interested in hearing the pastor speak as well.
I may go back to visit in a few weeks. We'll see.
Yes, having a questioning nature will tend to get you in trouble just about anywhere, lol!
Indeed.
I went to visit a little church here in town. I believe they may have been AOG at some time in the past, but call themselves a community church now. Everyone was very friendly. They didn't have live music, but recorded CDs and three people singing along in the mics with the CDs. The worship was very low-key, but sweet. At the end of one of the songs that was singing about Jesus being the Lamb of God, an elderly man across the aisle gave tongues, and interpretation at the end of the song. The pastor explained afterwards that the tongues and interpretation can be found in 1 Cor. 14, and that if anyone had any questions to come see him, but that it was for the edification of the church. I was glad to hear him explain what had just happened, because I knew I wasn't the only visitor there.
Then they had a special speaker. This man travels around the world, and acts out parables of Jesus putting them in modern day settings and speech. It was enjoyable. I would have rather heard preaching, but, anyway it was what it was. Many people came by to welcome and greet me. I noticed that the major demographics of the people in the church were at least 50+, with maybe 20+ people younger than that. I would say the church had about 80 people there that morning. Overall, I really liked the service, the quiet, low-key sweet spirit of worship, and the fact that all the songs they sang worshiped Jesus, and even one song about the name of Jesus. I would be interested in hearing the pastor speak as well.
I may go back to visit in a few weeks. We'll see.
Did you go alone?
KeptByTheWord
07-28-2014, 04:05 PM
Did you go alone?
Yes. All my family were out of town, and we didn't have our Sunday fellowship meeting this week either.
Yes. All my family were out of town, and we didn't have our Sunday fellowship meeting this week either.
I actually enjoy going alone in some ways.
KeptByTheWord
07-28-2014, 04:15 PM
I actually enjoy going alone in some ways.
Yes, I agree. You can stand out less in a crowd being by yourself, as opposed to showing up with your family.
Yet, even though I went by myself, and although I walked in, I bypassed the greeter (she was busy talking to other visitors), and I took a seat in the back, but still, everyone must have known I was a visitor, and at the meet and greet time after the first song, a lot of people made their way to shake my hand.
Dichotomy Girl
08-04-2014, 11:20 AM
So, today I had a weird attempt at church. First of all, churches are HORRIBLE at advertising their times to visitors! Many have just their address on the web and nothing else. Makes it hard! Not too good for growing a church!
Anyway, I had intended to go to the Lutheran church again today. Got there at the normal time and it had a sign outside the church that it was moved to an hour and a half later! So, I drove home and decided to go to a different one that was earlier. I had it in my head that it started at 10:00 but drove there are found out that Sunday School was at 9:45 and worship at 10:45. I didn't want to walk in late and decided to go gas up my car and wash it and it would be about time for the Lutheran one to start! So, I gassed the car and washed it and drove to the Lutheran church. Nobody there. Then, a sign up on the door said that service was that night at 6:00!! Sheesh! Not sure what happened to the morning service! So then, I turned around and drove back to the other one in time for regular service. Wow! 4th try!
So, here I am at a little trinitarian Pentecostal church. The pastor I found out was licensed AOG. There was no pianist that day as she was gone. There were 8 people there besides me. ;)
We sang two songs acapella, which was kind of peaceful although I prefer a piano. Then we had a prayer session for Israel and the Christians over there for 10 minutes. It was long. After running around all morning and then having my eyes closed for that long, I got drowsy. ;)
The sermon was quite good. I really liked the pastor and his wife. (Didn't really care for the pastor at the AOG I went to last time....seemed showy and forward, kinda pushy.) They seemed really down to earth. He has pastored for 40 years altogether. Someone asked him a question (very casual atmosphere) and he answered very honesty and a very good answer. She asked if praying for someone was all a person could do if they wouldn't listen to you. He said that sometimes, yes. And he said a person should love them and listen to them and that he doesn't know everything and the longer he lives the more he realizes that he doesn't know much of anything and that listening to someone is good!! Then he said "that may not be the answer you wanted but it's what I have to give". I thought it was very honest.
There was some shama-la-ha that went on in the congregation that turned me off a bit. A little bit of showman Pentecost, but not from the pastor and his wife that I saw.
So.....meh. I would probably be friends with the pastor and his wife. But don't know about the rest of it.
Sorry it took me so long to reply! My Mom and Sister were visiting from Wisconsin, and then I spent half a week playing catch up!
I'm sorry that you had such a meh experience. It makes me feel like everything is so difficult!
My last time at church (same church) would have been the 20th. It was....not good. He talked about tithing and how important it was, yadda yadda yadda. Ignoring for the moment my personal issues with the idea of tithing (not giving...tithing....), the fact is that my husband would NEVER be ok with giving money to something that goes against everything he believes in. So I was mostly bored and irritated.
And then I wonder why I go in the first place. I know that I will never find a place where I truly fit in, or belong. But I keep hoping I can find a place that is OK with me being me. Maybe this church is, but I'm just frustrated because the past few services I've gone to have all been about how they want to double the church size in the next year, and how it's important to give money to do that.....sigh.....
And I'm really missing the slower worship music. I don't mind fast rocky songs, but that's ALL they play.
Ok, now I feel bad, like all I'm doing is tearing down this church, and it's a very nice place, filled with very nice people...it just doesn't seem to fit.
I keep thinking that with my bizarre life, and unorthodox beliefs that maybe the best thing is to not settle in one place, but to just continually mix it up. I mean, I can understand that in the long run, most people would want to support one place with their time and money. But that's not an option for me.
And actually in a few weeks, I might not even be able to attend anywhere for awhile. My husband is a security supervisor at the University of Georgia. And with football season starting up again, he will no long have Friday and Sat. nights off. He'll have Sunday night off, which means that Sunday during the day is the only day that we will have together all week.
Sigh again....
Sorry it took me so long to reply! My Mom and Sister were visiting from Wisconsin, and then I spent half a week playing catch up!
I'm sorry that you had such a meh experience. It makes me feel like everything is so difficult!
My last time at church (same church) would have been the 20th. It was....not good. He talked about tithing and how important it was, yadda yadda yadda. Ignoring for the moment my personal issues with the idea of tithing (not giving...tithing....), the fact is that my husband would NEVER be ok with giving money to something that goes against everything he believes in. So I was mostly bored and irritated.
And then I wonder why I go in the first place. I know that I will never find a place where I truly fit in, or belong. But I keep hoping I can find a place that is OK with me being me. Maybe this church is, but I'm just frustrated because the past few services I've gone to have all been about how they want to double the church size in the next year, and how it's important to give money to do that.....sigh.....
And I'm really missing the slower worship music. I don't mind fast rocky songs, but that's ALL they play.
Ok, now I feel bad, like all I'm doing is tearing down this church, and it's a very nice place, filled with very nice people...it just doesn't seem to fit.
I keep thinking that with my bizarre life, and unorthodox beliefs that maybe the best thing is to not settle in one place, but to just continually mix it up. I mean, I can understand that in the long run, most people would want to support one place with their time and money. But that's not an option for me.
And actually in a few weeks, I might not even be able to attend anywhere for awhile. My husband is a security supervisor at the University of Georgia. And with football season starting up again, he will no long have Friday and Sat. nights off. He'll have Sunday night off, which means that Sunday during the day is the only day that we will have together all week.
Sigh again....
Sorry you are struggling Mich. all I can say is I very much relate. Especially to this: And then I wonder why I go in the first place. I know that I will never find a place where I truly fit in, or belong. But I keep hoping I can find a place that is OK with me being me.
And this: I keep thinking that with my bizarre life, and unorthodox beliefs that maybe the best thing is to not settle in one place, but to just continually mix it up.
But then I think that's maybe like dating and never settling down. So, anyway, it's tough but there more than just us tow who feel this way I am going to guess.
I had kind of an awesome day yesterday. I went to the Lutheran church and heard music coming out the doors! I walked in and there was a bluegrass gospel band playing! No preacher, just people in the pews and this band! Woah! They played for a full hour and it was quite enjoyable! All this month they are doing that every Sunday morning with different groups. So, I would love to go every Sunday, I'm just not sure I want to make people think I'm ready to come every Sunday. So, I'll have to think about it. So far, this church is the best fit.
Dichotomy Girl
08-04-2014, 12:05 PM
Sorry you are struggling Mich. all I can say is I very much relate. Especially to this:
And this:
But then I think that's maybe like dating and never settling down. So, anyway, it's tough but there more than just us tow who feel this way I am going to guess.
I had kind of an awesome day yesterday. I went to the Lutheran church and heard music coming out the doors! I walked in and there was a bluegrass gospel band playing! No preacher, just people in the pews and this band! Woah! They played for a full hour and it was quite enjoyable! All this month they are doing that every Sunday morning with different groups. So, I would love to go every Sunday, I'm just not sure I want to make people think I'm ready to come every Sunday. So, I'll have to think about it. So far, this church is the best fit.
Glad you had a better time this week! Keep me posted!
I went to a little church in town here today. I've been kind of scared of it because I feel that way about all seeming charismatic/pentecostal churches. Well, today I sucked in my breath and charged forth.
The music was great. The preaching was great. I was very blessed in the service and felt some spiritual breakthroughs that I needed.
The pastor and his wife were gone on vacation.
I expected about 5 people and a boring service that I couldn't wait to get out of. Instead, there were about 35 people and I was engaged from start to finish.
Now, I'm terrified. I went home with my stomach in knots and had to pray and decompress for about 10 minutes and cry and get it out of my system.
I want to marry the Lutheran church with this one and go there. ;)
My brain tells me to go one place and my heart another. So, I have no idea where the journey will take me. Anyway, I am not in any big hurry. I have concerns about going to any serious Bible believing church since I don't believe in a literal interpretation. But maybe this is the way I have been supposed to believe all along while in a church like that. I dunno.
So, pray for me. Who knows....
KeptByTheWord
08-19-2014, 09:55 AM
I went to a little church in town here today. I've been kind of scared of it because I feel that way about all seeming charismatic/pentecostal churches. Well, today I sucked in my breath and charged forth.
The music was great. The preaching was great. I was very blessed in the service and felt some spiritual breakthroughs that I needed.
The pastor and his wife were gone on vacation.
I expected about 5 people and a boring service that I couldn't wait to get out of. Instead, there were about 35 people and I was engaged from start to finish.
Now, I'm terrified. I went home with my stomach in knots and had to pray and decompress for about 10 minutes and cry and get it out of my system.
I want to marry the Lutheran church with this one and go there. ;)
My brain tells me to go one place and my heart another. So, I have no idea where the journey will take me. Anyway, I am not in any big hurry. I have concerns about going to any serious Bible believing church since I don't believe in a literal interpretation. But maybe this is the way I have been supposed to believe all along while in a church like that. I dunno.
So, pray for me. Who knows....
Take it easy with yourself, and give yourself time. I think you are just getting your feet wet again with churches so to speak... and it takes time. I am glad that you had a good experience with this church. There is no "perfect" church as we all know... there are bits and pieces of all that are good, but because of the very nature of our human hearts, there will never be a perfect church. I will keep praying for you! :)
Take it easy with yourself, and give yourself time. I think you are just getting your feet wet again with churches so to speak... and it takes time. I am glad that you had a good experience with this church. There is no "perfect" church as we all know... there are bits and pieces of all that are good, but because of the very nature of our human hearts, there will never be a perfect church. I will keep praying for you! :)
Thanks KBTW, I do plan on taking my time. I am glad I can feel that way and not feel like I have to feel pressure.
Part of me is shocked I enjoyed it so much and felt so blessed. It's scary.
KeptByTheWord
08-19-2014, 04:08 PM
Yes, I'm sure it is scary in a sense, but I believe the Lord is leading, and guiding you to a place where you can grow in your relationship with Him, and despite your difficult past, there is a better future with the lessons you have learned already. :)
strait shooter
08-20-2014, 01:41 AM
For some reason after reading this thread these lyrics from The Grateful Deads song "Truckin" come to mind...
"Sometimes the lights all shinin on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip its been."
Yes, I'm sure it is scary in a sense, but I believe the Lord is leading, and guiding you to a place where you can grow in your relationship with Him, and despite your difficult past, there is a better future with the lessons you have learned already. :)
Well I won't be jumping into anything. ;)
For some reason after reading this thread these lyrics from The Grateful Deads song "Truckin" come to mind...
"Sometimes the lights all shinin on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip its been."
Indeed.
KeptByTheWord
08-20-2014, 08:59 AM
Well I won't be jumping into anything. ;)
No, and that's a good thing!
Dichotomy Girl
08-20-2014, 10:58 AM
I went to a little church in town here today. I've been kind of scared of it because I feel that way about all seeming charismatic/pentecostal churches. Well, today I sucked in my breath and charged forth.
The music was great. The preaching was great. I was very blessed in the service and felt some spiritual breakthroughs that I needed.
The pastor and his wife were gone on vacation.
I expected about 5 people and a boring service that I couldn't wait to get out of. Instead, there were about 35 people and I was engaged from start to finish.
Now, I'm terrified. I went home with my stomach in knots and had to pray and decompress for about 10 minutes and cry and get it out of my system.
I want to marry the Lutheran church with this one and go there. ;)
My brain tells me to go one place and my heart another. So, I have no idea where the journey will take me. Anyway, I am not in any big hurry. I have concerns about going to any serious Bible believing church since I don't believe in a literal interpretation. But maybe this is the way I have been supposed to believe all along while in a church like that. I dunno.
So, pray for me. Who knows....
Sorry once again for the delayed response (they always end up in my spam folder!)
I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself, and sorry that it freaked you out!
It's hard sometimes....For me, it's like I have this longing for intimacy, the desire to stop holding God at arm's length. But at the same time, I'm afraid of letting Him close, mainly because part of me is afraid in part, of those pesky strings that are attached, and secondly of returning to the obsessive state that I worked so hard to overcome.
Basically, I think it's hard for people like us to find a good solid middle ground, we want to go all in, but I think we let it take us to an unhealthy place.
Sorry once again for the delayed response (they always end up in my spam folder!)
I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself, and sorry that it freaked you out!
It's hard sometimes....For me, it's like I have this longing for intimacy, the desire to stop holding God at arm's length. But at the same time, I'm afraid of letting Him close, mainly because part of me is afraid in part, of those pesky strings that are attached, and secondly of returning to the obsessive state that I worked so hard to overcome.
Basically, I think it's hard for people like us to find a good solid middle ground, we want to go all in, but I think we let it take us to an unhealthy place.
I was definitely at an unhealthy place before and I surely don't want to repeat it!
commonsense
08-21-2014, 10:52 PM
I'm following this journey......understanding your dilemma too well
I'm following this journey......understanding your dilemma too well
;)
Okay, well......(big deep breath).....
I went back to the charismatic/pentecostal church again. This time the pastor and his family were there (they were on vacation last time). I really liked the pastor! Very happy, go-lucky sort. He preached on spiritual disciplines and how sometimes we go too far and that maybe we just need to skip rocks with God or take a walk in the woods with God or bake chocolate chip cookies with God. That was refreshing.
So, I've been there twice and I really liked it both times. So.........(this is hard to say)......I think I'm going to tryyyyyyy it. This means maybe I'll go once a month or once every two weeks and fritter around the edges and feel it out more. Gulp.
There are things I like about the Lutheran church but I had to ask myself if someone could find a vibrant walk with God there.....if they needed a conversion. I think it would be harder there than the charismatic church. I'm not ruling it out but am leaning towards the charismatic one at this point.
Sigh. Excited and exhausted.
Dichotomy Girl
09-08-2014, 12:40 PM
Okay, well......(big deep breath).....
I went back to the charismatic/pentecostal church again. This time the pastor and his family were there (they were on vacation last time). I really liked the pastor! Very happy, go-lucky sort. He preached on spiritual disciplines and how sometimes we go too far and that maybe we just need to skip rocks with God or take a walk in the woods with God or bake chocolate chip cookies with God. That was refreshing.
So, I've been there twice and I really liked it both times. So.........(this is hard to say)......I think I'm going to tryyyyyyy it. This means maybe I'll go once a month or once every two weeks and fritter around the edges and feel it out more. Gulp.
There are things I like about the Lutheran church but I had to ask myself if someone could find a vibrant walk with God there.....if they needed a conversion. I think it would be harder there than the charismatic church. I'm not ruling it out but am leaning towards the charismatic one at this point.
Sigh. Excited and exhausted.
Yay! I'm happy for you! I still haven't been back to any church.
This past week I was on a vacation get together with a group of ex-upc'ers I know from a different forum. Ironically, our get together coincided in time and place with the WPF conference :heeheehee
I haven't seen that many apostolics in I don't know when! I was tempted to go to the convention and see if I could find Steve Epley! :nod
The last night I was there I dreamed that I went "undercover" to an Apostolic conference. I was wearing a big hat so that they couldn't tell that my hair was short. My husband was with me and he kept saying things like "Isn't gay marriage great?" and I would be all "Shut up! They are going to know!" LOL
KeptByTheWord
09-08-2014, 10:22 PM
Okay, well......(big deep breath).....
I went back to the charismatic/pentecostal church again. This time the pastor and his family were there (they were on vacation last time). I really liked the pastor! Very happy, go-lucky sort. He preached on spiritual disciplines and how sometimes we go too far and that maybe we just need to skip rocks with God or take a walk in the woods with God or bake chocolate chip cookies with God. That was refreshing.
So, I've been there twice and I really liked it both times. So.........(this is hard to say)......I think I'm going to tryyyyyyy it. This means maybe I'll go once a month or once every two weeks and fritter around the edges and feel it out more. Gulp.
There are things I like about the Lutheran church but I had to ask myself if someone could find a vibrant walk with God there.....if they needed a conversion. I think it would be harder there than the charismatic church. I'm not ruling it out but am leaning towards the charismatic one at this point.
Sigh. Excited and exhausted.
Wow! Twice in a row, and you didn't run out the back door... :)
I can see that this would be both exciting and exhausting for you.
KeptByTheWord
09-08-2014, 10:23 PM
Yay! I'm happy for you! I still haven't been back to any church.
This past week I was on a vacation get together with a group of ex-upc'ers I know from a different forum. Ironically, our get together coincided in time and place with the WPF conference :heeheehee
I haven't seen that many apostolics in I don't know when! I was tempted to go to the convention and see if I could find Steve Epley! :nod
The last night I was there I dreamed that I went "undercover" to an Apostolic conference. I was wearing a big hat so that they couldn't tell that my hair was short. My husband was with me and he kept saying things like "Isn't gay marriage great?" and I would be all "Shut up! They are going to know!" LOL
OH girl, you really should have went incognito, and reported back! :D
LOL... I hope you had a good vacation otherwise!
Evang.Benincasa
09-08-2014, 10:50 PM
People really love Pentecost!
Whether they hate or love it they can't leave it alone.
I know of no Ex Catholic, or better yet Jehovah Witness who would go incognito to hang out in a KINGDOM HALL.
:heeheehee
Yay! I'm happy for you! I still haven't been back to any church.
This past week I was on a vacation get together with a group of ex-upc'ers I know from a different forum. Ironically, our get together coincided in time and place with the WPF conference :heeheehee
I haven't seen that many apostolics in I don't know when! I was tempted to go to the convention and see if I could find Steve Epley! :nod
The last night I was there I dreamed that I went "undercover" to an Apostolic conference. I was wearing a big hat so that they couldn't tell that my hair was short. My husband was with me and he kept saying things like "Isn't gay marriage great?" and I would be all "Shut up! They are going to know!" LOL
LOL! That's hilarious.
Wow! Twice in a row, and you didn't run out the back door... :)
I can see that this would be both exciting and exhausting for you.
Haven't run out the back door yet. ;)
I went to the little Pentecostal church again today. I'm not feeling real well and just about didn't go but did anyway. It was good for the most part. It's getting scarier because I feel like I am "seriously dating".
commonsense
09-28-2014, 01:07 PM
:thumbsup
KeptByTheWord
09-29-2014, 09:45 AM
I went to the little Pentecostal church again today. I'm not feeling real well and just about didn't go but did anyway. It was good for the most part. It's getting scarier because I feel like I am "seriously dating".
I hope you get to feeling better soon! I'm glad you enjoyed your visit again to the little church this past Sunday. Do continue to keep us posted :)
I went again and enjoyed it again. I didn't talk to anyone much yet. I slipped out the back right after service. My fears seem to be lessening a bit. There are still lots of them but I am dealing.
KeptByTheWord
10-05-2014, 09:30 PM
I went again and enjoyed it again. I didn't talk to anyone much yet. I slipped out the back right after service. My fears seem to be lessening a bit. There are still lots of them but I am dealing.
That's great ILG!
UnTraditional
10-06-2014, 05:34 AM
When I walked away from Pentecost as a whole some years ago, I did so hurt, wounded, and completely burned out. I had no idea that God would even want to restore, heal, and deliver me. He did, and as time progressed, the Pentecost I once attacked in my anger and hatred, I began to be restored back to. One day, as I was driving, i was close to the church I am serving at now. The Spirit told me to stop and prophesy over the Church. Now, mind you, I was the one from that church who hurt the pastor some 10-15 years ago, badly. So, I said I would do so coming back through. The Spirit, and I laugh at this, said in a stern warning, "I told you to stop and prophesy to that church now!" I was like, "Yes sir!". I stopped, no one was there, so I walked the outside of the Church and spoke a prophetic word over the church and prayed over it.
I called the Bishop over the Church, Bishop J.D. Dearman. We had a wonderful talk, and I told him I would be there that following Sunday. I went, and immediately, the Spirit restored my ministry. A short time later, I was restored with total forgiveness, and am now serving as a minister at my home church.
ILG, I said all that to say this. God is reaching out to you, loving you, and calling you. I know your past is filled with hurt and pains from men and women in the Church, but God has a place for you, to heal, to pour in the oil and wine. I know, because He did so for and to me. Little one, I am praying for you, and believing God for you. Love ya and there ain't nothing you can do about it!
KeptByTheWord
10-09-2014, 08:59 AM
I believe the Lord is able to restore and bring healing to those who have been hurt and broken. But it doesn't mean that one has to go back to the place where it all began. Healing comes in many different forms and what can happen quickly for one, can take years for another. Prayers for healing and restoration are wonderful, but everyone's journey is different.
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