Ministering To Victims Of Incest.

[Scott Hutchinson]

Sadly there are sick people in this troubled world of ours.
When people come into the church who are victims of Incest, how can we effectively minister healing and wholeness to them ?
How can we compassinately reach out to these battered and wounded people whom Christ died for ?

[Rhoni]

Sadly there are sick people in this troubled world of ours.
When people come into the church who are victims of Incest, how can we effectively minister healing and wholeness to them ?
How can we compassinately reach out to these battered and wounded people whom Christ died for ?

Love them, pray for them, and send them to a Christian therapist.

Sincerely, Rhoni

[TalkLady]

Sadly there are sick people in this troubled world of ours.
When people come into the church who are victims of Incest, how can we effectively minister healing and wholeness to them ?
How can we compassinately reach out to these battered and wounded people whom Christ died for ?

Whatever you do, DO NOT personally mention that God is like a Heavenly Father to them. They can't relate to that. You have to be very very gentle to them. It's almost as though they need a Mentor so that they can learn things that others who were not in that type of situation take for granted. They have to learn how to be accepted and they have to learn to trust others. The person who should have been their protector was their violator. The scars from those wounds will always be there for them to see, but the wound itself can be healed. Most of all, be gentle. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and should be used often with these people. We have worked with children who were abused by their own fathers, step-fathers, other relatives, mom's boyfriends and even moms themselves. This is a sad, sad situation. Most of all do something in your church to make them feel needed and important. Show them love and never condemn them, for often they blame themselves.

[Scott Hutchinson]

I know people sometimes don't want to admit it ,but this sick thing happens in our world ,and the church shouldn't bury it's head in the sand.
We need to rise up with healing in our wings and proclaim Healing and Wholeness that is available through Jesus Christ.

[TalkLady]

I know people sometimes don't want to admit it ,but this sick thing happens in our world ,and the church shouldn't bury it's head in the sand.
We need to rise up with healing in our wings and proclaim Healing and Wholeness that is available through Jesus Christ.

We need to be able to reach out to people in all situations....Women that have had abortions before they came to church, victims of incest, rape...If the love of Jesus Christ is to be shown it will be shown in how we treat other people - showing love one for another. A clothesline message is not going to mean much to someone who has been through any of these experiences.

[Subdued]

Sadly there are sick people in this troubled world of ours.
When people come into the church who are victims of Incest, how can we effectively minister healing and wholeness to them ?
How can we compassinately reach out to these battered and wounded people whom Christ died for ?

It would depend upon the age of the person, and where they're at in their journey towards healing, among other factors. But in general, I think they need patience, time, for someone to be available, caring, trustworthy, loving, gentle & non-judgemental; also, much prayer, and to be taught a proper view of God. I think it's helpful if they could receive counsel from a knowledgeable Christian. Most importantly, though, they really need the Lord and for someone to constantly point them towards Him. Hearing testimonies from other survivors would be beneficial as well. AND, they have to WANT to be whole and healed. I've encountered some who don't, believe it or not. In that case, there's not much that can be done... 'cept prayer (which, really, IS "much").

They have trouble letting go & letting God, though. Many of them have control issues for obvious reasons; so until they get to the point of desperation, being made whole just won't happen. It's also a trust issue... they don't even trust God - so how can they allow Him to bring healing? Often times, they can't.

It's like they're in a horse-drawn carriage and the horses are running completely out of control and the person has a tight grip on the reins and is screaming for help. They really WANT help; but they're unable to let go of the reins; even when the Savior rides up beside them on his horse, offering them safety. The Savior reaches out for them & says, "Grab my hand, I'll save you!" But He can't do more than that. If the person won't let go [of control/the reins] (either because they won't or because they're unaware that they have such a tight grip), they'll just continue to be driven out of control & towards danger. It sometimes takes a huge bump in the road to startle them enough to release their grip & jump into the arms of safety.

But Jesus always stays within arms-reach and will never stop offering His saving Grace. It just sometimes take guidance from another, or others, on how to reach out to Him (+ all that I wrote in my first paragraph).

[Trouvere]

The gifts of the spirit are a wonderful tool of God to do what no man can do on his own.God can set the captive free.

[Chan]

Sadly there are sick people in this troubled world of ours.
When people come into the church who are victims of Incest, how can we effectively minister healing and wholeness to them ?
How can we compassinately reach out to these battered and wounded people whom Christ died for ?First, keep them out of the hands of practitioners of that wicked worldly philosophy known as "psychology"! Second, it's important to bring them to a place where they can learn to forgive the perpetrator the way Christ forgave their sins (keep in mind that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God) because until that forgiveness takes place there will never be healing and wholeness. Third, more important than anything else is the person's relationship with Christ. Satan often uses these kinds of situations to turn a person away from Christ - even if it's just going as far as getting the person to hold Christ somewhat at a distance while not completely walking away from Christian faith.

It's also important to help the person understand that he or she is not at fault and that there was nothing he or she did to deserve it, and to let that understanding sink in to the very core of their being (it isn't enough to intellectually acknowledge that one isn't at fault and didn't deserve it, one has to receive it all the way down into the very seat of one's emotions). All too often, victims may know in their mind that they're not at fault and didn't deserve it but they hold onto a belief in their heart that they are somehow at fault or that they did somehow deserve it. This prevents the healing process from even starting.

[Subdued]

First, keep them out of the hands of practitioners of that wicked worldly philosophy known as "psychology"! Second, it's important to bring them to a place where they can learn to forgive the perpetrator the way Christ forgave their sins (keep in mind that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God) because until that forgiveness takes place there will never be healing and wholeness. Third, more important than anything else is the person's relationship with Christ. Satan often uses these kinds of situations to turn a person away from Christ - even if it's just going as far as getting the person to hold Christ somewhat at a distance while not completely walking away from Christian faith.

It's also important to help the person understand that he or she is not at fault and that there was nothing he or she did to deserve it, and to let that understanding sink in to the very core of their being (it isn't enough to intellectually acknowledge that one isn't at fault and didn't deserve it, one has to receive it all the way down into the very seat of one's emotions). All too often, victims may know in their mind that they're not at fault and didn't deserve it but they hold onto a belief in their heart that they are somehow at fault or that they did somehow deserve it. This prevents the healing process from even starting.

Sometimes they don't even realize it's just head-knowledge & not heart-knowledge, sadly.

But I agree with you, Chan; forgiving the perpetrator is important. I also argree with what you said concerning the person's relationship with Jesus. Holding Him at a distance is what seems to often happen. That's not always realized for a while. It appears that the person is seeking the Lord and growing in a relationship with Him - and they may be; yet there's a distance that's there - something keeps them from completely trusting Him. It's a journey, for sure. Often times a very long and difficult one.

[Chan]

Sometimes they don't even realize it's just head-knowledge & not heart-knowledge, sadly.Which is why a pastor, elder or other mature saint (and NOT some practitioner of psychology) needs to help the person come to that place - help they need the power and wisdom of God's Spirit to provide.

But I agree with you, Chan; forgiving the perpetrator is important. I also argree with what you said concerning the person's relationship with Jesus. Holding Him at a distance is what seems to often happen. That's not always realized for a while. It appears that the person is seeking the Lord and growing in a relationship with Him - and they may be; yet there's a distance that's there - something keeps them from completely trusting Him. It's a journey, for sure. Often times a very long and difficult one.It's all in God's timing, if we don't resist His working in us.

[Subdued]

Which is why a pastor, elder or other mature saint (and NOT some practitioner of psychology) needs to help the person come to that place - help they need the power and wisdom of God's Spirit to provide.

Without a doubt, they need the power and wisdom of God's Spirit!!!!!! I don't see anything wrong with a Christian counselor/therapist providing guidance, though. (Nor do I have objections to a pastor, elder or other mature saint offering guidance either.)


It's all in God's timing, if we don't resist His working in us.

I haven't met many who were sexually abused/molested who DIDN'T resist His working in them, though. Have you?

[Chan]

Without a doubt, they need the power and wisdom of God's Spirit!!!!!! I don't see anything wrong with a Christian counselor/therapist providing guidance, though. (Nor do I have objections to a pastor, elder or other mature saint offering guidance either.)Wicked worldly philosophies (all worldly philosophies are wicked simply because they are of the world) have no place in the Church! God does not call people to be so-called "Christian counselors/therapists" because God does not call people to be practitioners of wicked worldly philosophies like psychology. He has established His divine order in the Church and there is no place in it for counselors/therapists - we have elders, pastors and other mature saints for such purposes.



I haven't met many who were sexually abused/molested who DIDN'T resist His working in them, though. Have you?No.

[Subdued]

Wicked worldly philosophies (all worldly philosophies are wicked simply because they are of the world) have no place in the Church! God does not call people to be so-called "Christian counselors/therapists" because God does not call people to be practitioners of wicked worldly philosophies like psychology. He has established His divine order in the Church and there is no place in it for counselors/therapists - we have elders, pastors and other mature saints for such purposes.

I understand your opinion. Mine differs slightly. But I don't have the same perseverance you seem to have to debate the issue. However, I will say that any counseling that is biblicly based is okay with me; no matter WHO it is that does the counseling. What I would want in a "counselor" is for them to point me towards the Lord and then help me get there.

[Malvaro]

Whatever you do, DO NOT personally mention that God is like a Heavenly Father to them. They can't relate to that. You have to be very very gentle to them. It's almost as though they need a Mentor so that they can learn things that others who were not in that type of situation take for granted. They have to learn how to be accepted and they have to learn to trust others. The person who should have been their protector was their violator. The scars from those wounds will always be there for them to see, but the wound itself can be healed. Most of all, be gentle. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and should be used often with these people. We have worked with children who were abused by their own fathers, step-fathers, other relatives, mom's boyfriends and even moms themselves. This is a sad, sad situation. Most of all do something in your church to make them feel needed and important. Show them love and never condemn them, for often they blame themselves.

That is assuming that their father was the one who violated them.... it could have as easily been some other family member instead.... I do agree with you though, they could associate the word "Father" with all their hurtful pain and past.... and immediately become soured by their memories against God....

still, one cannot just stop preaching that there is a Heavenly Father that loves us without conditions.... one just has to be careful to successfully rebuild their "father" definition and the associations that come with it.... the same could be said about referencing "the home".... their "home" experience may have been broken by divorce, abuse, addictions, etc and your careless usage of the word "home" may turn them off to what you are saying....

my pastor taught that you should also be careful who you lay hands on to pray for as well.... as you may be praying for an "abused" individual and they may become immediately offended by "touch" due to their past.... when I'm praying for a lady, I will only touch their forehead or the palm of their hand (if their hand is uplifted).... I see some folks touching arms, shoulders, back, etc and just want to smack them right then and there.... some poor soul may be reliving their trauma and never step foot in that church again....

pardon my ramblings.... :D

[Sheltiedad]

Licensed counselors are advised to maintain malpractice insurance for liability issues... should preachers who counsel do this as well? And can they get it if they have not actually been formally trained to counsel?

[Malvaro]

Licensed counselors are advised to maintain malpractice insurance for liability issues... should preachers who counsel do this as well? And can they get it if they have not actually been formally trained to counsel?

ummmm, I've heard this question before.... i think the work-around is to up-front to specify that you are not attempting to professionally counsel them (or replace counselling for that matter), you are just sharing what the Word of God already says about the topic and praying with them, if need be....

the fact that you are not attempting to counsel/consult them and only focusing on what's in the scriptures ensures that you are not over-stepping your "professional" bounds of training/education.... being a pastor and staying in the Word is allowable as that is within your normal realm of ministry, operation, and training....

I may have butchered the technical verbaige on that, but I'm pretty sure thats the underlying thought.... Rhoni would probably have insight regarding this question....

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Licensed counselors are advised to maintain malpractice insurance for liability issues... should preachers who counsel do this as well? And can they get it if they have not actually been formally trained to counsel?

Many states do not offer the same protection for a Preacher who counsels. ChurchStart 101 classes should tell the preacher to have good insurance. There are two major insurance carriers who specialize in church policies now. GuideOne and Church Mutual. Both offer packages including liability.

[Chan]

I understand your opinion. Mine differs slightly. But I don't have the same perseverance you seem to have to debate the issue. However, I will say that any counseling that is biblicly based is okay with me; no matter WHO it is that does the counseling. What I would want in a "counselor" is for them to point me towards the Lord and then help me get there.I guess there are actually two issues for me here: 1) psychology itself because it is a wicked worldly philosophy and; 2) this proliferation of usurping the roles of elders, pastors and mature saints by so-called "parachurch ministries."

[Lost]

I guess there are actually two issues for me here: 1) psychology itself because it is a wicked worldly philosophy and; 2) this proliferation of usurping the roles of elders, pastors and mature saints by so-called "parachurch ministries."

I wonder what Rhoni thinks about that? :killinme

[Chan]

Licensed counselors are advised to maintain malpractice insurance for liability issues... should preachers who counsel do this as well? And can they get it if they have not actually been formally trained to counsel?You mean "formally trained" as in trained to be a practitioner in that wicked worldly philosophy called psychology? There is no place for such abominations in the Church!!!!!! We need to stop trying to conform the Church to this wicked world and stop committing treason against God by acting as if this wicked world was actually our home!

[Chan]

I wonder what Rhoni thinks about that? :killinmeI really don't care what she thinks about it (I know what she thinks about it but her thinking is in rebellion against God). But back to the original topic, the Church has surrendered its position as the sole arbiter of truth (under God). Now we allow so-called "science" and wicked worldly philosophies (such as psychology) to dictate truth to us and we accept them as authoritative. This must cease! Since the Church is the sole arbiter of truth (because Jesus is the truth), only the Church has what a victim of incest (or other kinds of abuse) needs in order to experience healing and wholeness.

[ILG]

Whatever you do, DO NOT personally mention that God is like a Heavenly Father to them. They can't relate to that. You have to be very very gentle to them. It's almost as though they need a Mentor so that they can learn things that others who were not in that type of situation take for granted. They have to learn how to be accepted and they have to learn to trust others. The person who should have been their protector was their violator. The scars from those wounds will always be there for them to see, but the wound itself can be healed. Most of all, be gentle. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and should be used often with these people. We have worked with children who were abused by their own fathers, step-fathers, other relatives, mom's boyfriends and even moms themselves. This is a sad, sad situation. Most of all do something in your church to make them feel needed and important. Show them love and never condemn them, for often they blame themselves.

I thought this was good, TL. Sadly, victims are often judged because they are "different" in thinking than others. So, people can reject them and make things worse easily.

[ILG]

Licensed counselors are advised to maintain malpractice insurance for liability issues... should preachers who counsel do this as well? And can they get it if they have not actually been formally trained to counsel?

We were always taught to say "This is pastoral advice and not counseling".

[ILG]

You mean "formally trained" as in trained to be a practitioner in that wicked worldly philosophy called psychology? There is no place for such abominations in the Church!!!!!! We need to stop trying to conform the Church to this wicked world and stop committing treason against God by acting as if this wicked world was actually our home!

Sigh.

[TalkLady]

You are correct, Malvaro.....I thought of going back to edit my post and take the comment out about not speaking so much personally about the Father. Of course, ministers need to keep mentioning the Father....but I've heard pastors and others who were praying for these type of people make some very inappropriate comments...The intentions were good, but they were totally inappropriate. You are so right about laying hands on others. I had never had hands laid on me for prayer much at all until I was in my 20s and the first time it happened, I did not know what was going on ....For me at times it was a hindrance. I knew the people cared about me, but it kept me from praying as I should. I've had people come to me and shake me, take my hand and ask me to run with them, leap with them, and even dance with them. ......I'm not saying that this type of action is never appropriate, but it can really be confusing to people who were not brought up in this type of church.

That is assuming that their father was the one who violated them.... it could have as easily been some other family member instead.... I do agree with you though, they could associate the word "Father" with all their hurtful pain and past.... and immediately become soured by their memories against God....

still, one cannot just stop preaching that there is a Heavenly Father that loves us without conditions.... one just has to be careful to successfully rebuild their "father" definition and the associations that come with it.... the same could be said about referencing "the home".... their "home" experience may have been broken by divorce, abuse, addictions, etc and your careless usage of the word "home" may turn them off to what you are saying....

my pastor taught that you should also be careful who you lay hands on to pray for as well.... as you may be praying for an "abused" individual and they may become immediately offended by "touch" due to their past.... when I'm praying for a lady, I will only touch their forehead or the palm of their hand (if their hand is uplifted).... I see some folks touching arms, shoulders, back, etc and just want to smack them right then and there.... some poor soul may be reliving their trauma and never step foot in that church again....

pardon my ramblings.... :D