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Bro Flame
07-27-2018, 11:18 AM
I'm sure that I'm not the only one her on AFF that has issues with loneliness. Certainly I am aware that the Bible tells us that Jesus will never forsake us, but I've had a time actually accepting that in my heart.

On several different occasions when I've had conversations with elders in the Church, they have warned my to guard my heart. In many instances, I have been known to give far too much in my friendships and other relationships.

I have multiple examples of where I've given my all in a friendship only to it blow up in my face. I get my heart and feelings tangled up in these friendships, only to have the sideline me.

I've gotten use to not having a close friend. I don't have one outside of Jesus.

In the past few months, these friendships have come to a head. I've come to the realization that I shouldn't expect any more out of anyone when they haven't given me any reason to. It's like I'm everyone's friend only when it's convenient for them. No one is there unless their other friends (their real friends) aren't there. I'm only a friend by default. Not by choice. And it gets tiring.

At the same time, I've also realized that I must watch how these things effect me and my heart. For a while, I struggled with the fear of my heart been tangled up in bitterness and hardness; I have had eventually broken past most of it.

I still have my sad hours, however. I'm far too sensitive and I have to stop wearing that sensitivity on my sleeves. But if I develop a harder exterior, I can't help but cut people off. I cannot seem to find a balance of having people at arm's length. I either give it all or give absolutely nothing.

I've gotten to the point to where I've even occasionally prayed that the Lord help me get use to being close friendless, and spending the majority of my time solo.

I just ask that each of you here help me pray that I can deal with loneliness properly, and that I don't allow my heart to become hard and bitter. I want to be able to love people the way I need to, but I don't want to be hurt in the process.

Maybe I can't have it both ways? Is that wanting my cake and wanting to eat it, too?

Help me pray.

In Jesus' Name,
Holy Roller

BuckeyeBukaroo
07-27-2018, 11:35 AM
I'm sure that I'm not the only one her on AFF that has issues with loneliness. Certainly I am aware that the Bible tells us that Jesus will never forsake us, but I've had a time actually accepting that in my heart.

On several different occasions when I've had conversations with elders in the Church, they have warned my to guard my heart. In many instances, I have been known to give far too much in my friendships and other relationships.

I have multiple examples of where I've given my all in a friendship only to it blow up in my face. I get my heart and feelings tangled up in these friendships, only to have the sideline me.

I've gotten use to not having a close friend. I don't have one outside of Jesus.

In the past few months, these friendships have come to a head. I've come to the realization that I shouldn't expect any more out of anyone when they haven't given me any reason to. It's like I'm everyone's friend only when it's convenient for them. No one is there unless their other friends (their real friends) aren't there. I'm only a friend by default. Not by choice. And it gets tiring.

At the same time, I've also realized that I must watch how these things effect me and my heart. For a while, I struggled with the fear of my heart been tangled up in bitterness and hardness; I have had eventually broken past most of it.

I still have my sad hours, however. I'm far too sensitive and I have to stop wearing that sensitivity on my sleeves. But if I develop a harder exterior, I can't help but cut people off. I cannot seem to find a balance of having people at arm's length. I either give it all or give absolutely nothing.

I've gotten to the point to where I've even occasionally prayed that the Lord help me get use to being close friendless, and spending the majority of my time solo.

I just ask that each of you here help me pray that I can deal with loneliness properly, and that I don't allow my heart to become hard and bitter. I want to be able to love people the way I need to, but I don't want to be hurt in the process.

Maybe I can't have it both ways? Is that wanting my cake and wanting to eat it, too?

Help me pray.

In Jesus' Name,
Holy Roller


I don't believe that a prolonged sense of loneliness is the will of God for anyone. There is a young man I know who, when he meets new people and makes new friends, he becomes connected way too quickly, displaying a sense of neediness, that actually drives people away and kills the potential for mutually satisfying friendships.

Other times, I have seen him keep people at arms length, and they think he is the best thing since sliced bread, so to speak-- but he confided that when he does this, he doesn't find those relationships to be mutually satisfying.

BuckeyeBukaroo
07-27-2018, 11:35 AM
I will be praying for you.

Amanah
07-27-2018, 11:39 AM
I know how you feel, I'm autistic and an introvert.

I have had only a handful of really close friends my entire life.

My best friends are my dog and my books.

Hopefully someone will come along and give you great advice.
The only advice I can think of it get an education and a job you like and enjoy your life.

Bro Flame
07-27-2018, 12:01 PM
I don't believe that a prolonged sense of loneliness is the will of God for anyone. There is a young man I know who, when he meets new people and makes new friends, he becomes connected way too quickly, displaying a sense of neediness, that actually drives people away and kills the potential for mutually satisfying friendships.

Other times, I have seen him keep people at arms length, and they think he is the best thing since sliced bread, so to speak-- but he confided that when he does this, he doesn't find those relationships to be mutually satisfying.
What you have described here could very well be said about me.

God did create us to be lonely? Certainly not. But some of us might just be better off that way.

In some instances, I guess I could come across as far too needy. On the other hand, when I put people at arm's length, I feel like I'm there at their disposal. I'm sure they don't think I'm anywhere near sliced bread.

But I can agree that having a "friend" at arm's length isn't mutually satisfying.

Bro Flame
07-27-2018, 12:02 PM
I will be praying for you.
Appreciate it.

Bro Flame
07-27-2018, 12:03 PM
I know how you feel, I'm autistic and an introvert.

I have had only a handful of really close friends my entire life.

My best friends are my dog and my books.

Hopefully someone will come along and give you great advice.
The only advice I can think of it get an education and a job you like and enjoy your life.
Same. I've only had a few exceptionally close friends in my life, too. And all of those friendships have fizzled down to practically being non-existent.

Am I expecting too much from people?

Amanah
07-27-2018, 12:26 PM
Same. I've only had a few exceptionally close friends in my life, too. And all of those friendships have fizzled down to practically being non-existent.

Am I expecting too much from people?

I think it might change once you are working and find some activities you can enjoy with others

Apostolic1ness
07-27-2018, 12:54 PM
Same. I've only had a few exceptionally close friends in my life, too. And all of those friendships have fizzled down to practically being non-existent.

Am I expecting too much from people?

There are many categories of friends. Not everyone can be as close as the next person. For instance I have very close Preacher Friends that I discuss concerns about the church and our relationships with God and things of that nature. On the other hand I have close friends that usually our conversation is about Maintenance and Reliability, bottle necks and production flow, (work talk) and those types of things. There are others that we invite over to the house to grill and fellowship but are close in the since of my wife and I trying to be a godly example for them and their children and try to be a strength for them if ever needed.

You ask the question "am i expecting too much from people?" In some opinions its more of a blessing to be able to give all for all and to all. I think maybe I dont expect as much out of my friends as I expect out of myself being their friend. Its my desire to be the unmovable anchor for them no matter if they feel the same way. Basically Im there for them even if im at their arms length or being embraced.
"Ask not what your friends can do for you rather ask what you can do for your friends" lol

Esaias
07-27-2018, 01:47 PM
I'm sure that I'm not the only one her on AFF that has issues with loneliness. Certainly I am aware that the Bible tells us that Jesus will never forsake us, but I've had a time actually accepting that in my heart.

On several different occasions when I've had conversations with elders in the Church, they have warned my to guard my heart. In many instances, I have been known to give far too much in my friendships and other relationships.

I have multiple examples of where I've given my all in a friendship only to it blow up in my face. I get my heart and feelings tangled up in these friendships, only to have the sideline me.

I've gotten use to not having a close friend. I don't have one outside of Jesus.

In the past few months, these friendships have come to a head. I've come to the realization that I shouldn't expect any more out of anyone when they haven't given me any reason to. It's like I'm everyone's friend only when it's convenient for them. No one is there unless their other friends (their real friends) aren't there. I'm only a friend by default. Not by choice. And it gets tiring.

At the same time, I've also realized that I must watch how these things effect me and my heart. For a while, I struggled with the fear of my heart been tangled up in bitterness and hardness; I have had eventually broken past most of it.

I still have my sad hours, however. I'm far too sensitive and I have to stop wearing that sensitivity on my sleeves. But if I develop a harder exterior, I can't help but cut people off. I cannot seem to find a balance of having people at arm's length. I either give it all or give absolutely nothing.

I've gotten to the point to where I've even occasionally prayed that the Lord help me get use to being close friendless, and spending the majority of my time solo.

I just ask that each of you here help me pray that I can deal with loneliness properly, and that I don't allow my heart to become hard and bitter. I want to be able to love people the way I need to, but I don't want to be hurt in the process.

Maybe I can't have it both ways? Is that wanting my cake and wanting to eat it, too?

Help me pray.

In Jesus' Name,
Holy Roller

I'll be praying for you.

One thing I discovered in life is that if you are surrounded by people who don't seem to be genuine friends, the solution is to change your surroundings. That is, find other people to associate with.

:thumbsup

Evang.Benincasa
07-27-2018, 04:59 PM
I'm far too sensitive and I have to stop wearing that sensitivity on my sleeves. But if I develop a harder exterior, I can't help but cut people off. I cannot seem to find a balance of having people at arm's length. I either give it all or give absolutely nothing.

Listen, harder exterior isn't the answer, because it isn't you. You just keep walking in the light as He is in the light. First and foremost, you listen to the elders, because they KNOW YOU. We don't. They live with you, we don't. If you cannot seem to find balance it may be caused by you trying to be something your not. Be yourself. Own who you are in Christ. Stick close to the elders, and never be afraid to ask questions of THEM. Not us. :) While we do have some precious saints of God, and good men of God posting here, we really don't have a smell your breath relationship with you. Your pastor, and church elders do. Nothing like a good church family of SEASONED saints to help someone make it to the goal line. :thumbsup

The Lord love you, and we will pray for you in Jesus name

MawMaw
07-27-2018, 05:04 PM
Listen, harder exterior isn't the answer, because it isn't you. You just keep walking in the light as He is in the light. First and foremost, you listen to the elders, because they KNOW YOU. We don't. They live with you, we don't. If you cannot seem to find balance it may be caused by you trying to be something your not. Be yourself. Own who you are in Christ. Stick close to the elders, and never be afraid to ask questions of THEM. Not us. :) While we do have some precious saints of God, and good men of God posting here, we really don't have a smell your breath relationship with you. Your pastor, and church elders do. Nothing like a good church family of SEASONED saints to help someone make it to the goal line. :thumbsup

The Lord love you, and we will pray for you in Jesus name

I agree with Bro Benincasa. Be yourself. I will sure be in prayer with you about your concerns! God bless you young man! 🙏 🤗

Esaias
07-27-2018, 07:11 PM
Listen, harder exterior isn't the answer, because it isn't you. You just keep walking in the light as He is in the light. First and foremost, you listen to the elders, because they KNOW YOU. We don't. They live with you, we don't. If you cannot seem to find balance it may be caused by you trying to be something your not. Be yourself. Own who you are in Christ. Stick close to the elders, and never be afraid to ask questions of THEM. Not us. :) While we do have some precious saints of God, and good men of God posting here, we really don't have a smell your breath relationship with you. Your pastor, and church elders do. Nothing like a good church family of SEASONED saints to help someone make it to the goal line. :thumbsup

The Lord love you, and we will pray for you in Jesus name

Excellent advice. :thumbsup

Bro Flame
07-27-2018, 08:37 PM
I appreciate all the replies, the motivation, and the prayers.

It's hard, however, to not think the fault is with me when the same pattern seems to repeat itself over and over, and always the one that is seemingly left standing solo.

Again, I appreciate all of this.

Amanah
07-27-2018, 09:31 PM
I appreciate all the replies, the motivation, and the prayers.

It's hard, however, to not think the fault is with me when the same pattern seems to repeat itself over and over, and always the one that is seemingly left standing solo.

Again, I appreciate all of this.

I wondered the same thing about myself for years, but finally found the advantages to being the way that I am.

For me it was a great advantage as I realized that I was comfortable with being shut in with God spending time in his word, praying and fasting.

The awesome thing about God is he can make up what we see as lack in ourselves and use us where we are.

******

It was also an advantage when I decided to get a degree, I enjoyed the classroom environment, class interaction, and studying.

******

votivesoul
07-28-2018, 06:07 AM
Maybe the prayer is not "Lord, rid me of loneliness", but rather, "Lord, help me to understand my loneliness and how you are using it to make me more like You"?

CC1
07-29-2018, 09:17 AM
HR, a lot of good advice and observations that might help you on this thread. I am praying for you.

Bro Flame
07-30-2018, 08:09 AM
Maybe the prayer is not "Lord, rid me of loneliness", but rather, "Lord, help me to understand my loneliness and how you are using it to make me more like You"?
Precisely my thoughts in the past few days. What if the Lord is using my loneliness to get me where He wants me?

Amanah
07-30-2018, 08:11 AM
Precisely my thoughts in the past few days. What if the Lord is using my loneliness to get me where He wants me?

:thumbsup

Bro Flame
07-31-2018, 07:20 AM
Again, I want to thank everyone here for the prayers and for the encouraging words. They have really meant a lot.

I have decided that I'm not going to be depressed or sad anymore. I just can't let it happen. I'll just work on being the absolute best me I can be, and get myself on the best track through aid via the Lord.

Esaias
07-31-2018, 03:25 PM
Again, I want to thank everyone here for the prayers and for the encouraging words. They have really meant a lot.

I have decided that I'm not going to be depressed or sad anymore. I just can't let it happen. I'll just work on being the absolute best me I can be, and get myself on the best track through aid via the Lord.

:highfive

Pressing-On
08-01-2018, 12:26 PM
Precisely my thoughts in the past few days. What if the Lord is using my loneliness to get me where He wants me?

Like being an intercessor? Loneliness is a great opportunity to become a great intercessor.

Bro Flame
08-01-2018, 09:24 PM
Like being an intercessor? Loneliness is a great opportunity to become a great intercessor.
It does give me an opportunity to pray for people a whole lot more.

Apostolic1ness
08-02-2018, 07:22 AM
It does give me an opportunity to pray for people a whole lot more.

even if people have friends family etc there is still plenty of time to pray.

Bro Flame
08-02-2018, 07:53 AM
even if people have friends family etc there is still plenty of time to pray.
True.

Bro Flame
08-13-2018, 01:49 PM
U P D A T E

Through some consistent prayer and meditating, I have gradually gotten over my loneliness. I have used it to get closer to the Lord, and spent more time praying. Naturally, that brought the devil to fight me hard. I went through a dry period in my prayer life, but I had a great breakthrough riding solo in my car this past Saturday. That, followed by two great services this past Sunday, have brought me through this patch of loneliness.

I appreciate all of your prayers as well.

In saying all of that, I feel like there's something else that has come from all of this. And that something isn't good.

On a few different occasions, different people have warned me not to allow my tender and loving heart to be under attack. Well, turns out the devil did attack this ole heart of mine, and in some cases, yes I did feed that hurt and depression.

I shouldn't have, but I did.

Anyways, I now have this perpetual fear that I won't ever be able to love people like I once did. I find myself consistently praying that the Lord restore my heart to have a love and compassionate spirit for sinners, backsliders, enemies, those that have hurt me, and fellow Christians.

It seems the hurt that allowed to come in my heart has made me something along the lines of numb. I don't really feel that it's bitterness, but a numbness. There's a difference. I honestly feel like I have forgiven the people I feel have wronged or hurt me, but at the same time, I simply cannot allow myself to go to the same place with them any longer.

My heart's on lock down. That's one way to put it. I've been encouraged --- by different people --- to put people at arm's length; to be their friend, but not let them be mine. It's terribly hard for me to do that. Once I put someone at arm's length, I generally erase (for the lack of a better word) those people from my life.

They're simply cut off.

And I keep reminding myself that was the old me, and that I've got to be better than that now. It's easier said than done, however.

I'd like to ask each of you to help me pray that I get this heart issue of mine straightened out. I want to the love I once had, but I fear I won't ever have it again.

Thanks in advance. God bless!

Amanah
08-13-2018, 04:20 PM
U P D A T E

Through some consistent prayer and meditating, I have gradually gotten over my loneliness. I have used it to get closer to the Lord, and spent more time praying. Naturally, that brought the devil to fight me hard. I went through a dry period in my prayer life, but I had a great breakthrough riding solo in my car this past Saturday. That, followed by two great services this past Sunday, have brought me through this patch of loneliness.

I appreciate all of your prayers as well.

In saying all of that, I feel like there's something else that has come from all of this. And that something isn't good.

On a few different occasions, different people have warned me not to allow my tender and loving heart to be under attack. Well, turns out the devil did attack this ole heart of mine, and in some cases, yes I did feed that hurt and depression.

I shouldn't have, but I did.

Anyways, I now have this perpetual fear that I won't ever be able to love people like I once did. I find myself consistently praying that the Lord restore my heart to have a love and compassionate spirit for sinners, backsliders, enemies, those that have hurt me, and fellow Christians.

It seems the hurt that allowed to come in my heart has made me something along the lines of numb. I don't really feel that it's bitterness, but a numbness. There's a difference. I honestly feel like I have forgiven the people I feel have wronged or hurt me, but at the same time, I simply cannot allow myself to go to the same place with them any longer.

My heart's on lock down. That's one way to put it. I've been encouraged --- by different people --- to put people at arm's length; to be their friend, but not let them be mine. It's terribly hard for me to do that. Once I put someone at arm's length, I generally erase (for the lack of a better word) those people from my life.

They're simply cut off.

And I keep reminding myself that was the old me, and that I've got to be better than that now. It's easier said than done, however.

I'd like to ask each of you to help me pray that I get this heart issue of mine straightened out. I want to the love I once had, but I fear I won't ever have it again.

Thanks in advance. God bless!

One of the things that I do to destress and clear my head is run. Occasionally I even race, I Have done 5Ks and half marathons. Running is one of the best ways to feel better about oneself. The other thing is lifting. Nothing gets you ripped like lifting. Being really fit gives you confidence.

Bro Flame
08-13-2018, 06:33 PM
One of the things that I do to destress and clear my head is run. Occasionally I even race, I Have done 5Ks and half marathons. Running is one of the best ways to feel better about oneself. The other thing is lifting. Nothing gets you ripped like lifting. Being really fit gives you confidence.
My Mother and I have talked about that exact same thing. We've both said that we were almost certain that being healthier would give us a better outlook overall.

I'm aiming to start a diet.

Amanah
08-13-2018, 07:14 PM
I Think you will feel better

votivesoul
08-13-2018, 09:48 PM
U P D A T E

Through some consistent prayer and meditating, I have gradually gotten over my loneliness. I have used it to get closer to the Lord, and spent more time praying. Naturally, that brought the devil to fight me hard. I went through a dry period in my prayer life, but I had a great breakthrough riding solo in my car this past Saturday. That, followed by two great services this past Sunday, have brought me through this patch of loneliness.

I appreciate all of your prayers as well.

In saying all of that, I feel like there's something else that has come from all of this. And that something isn't good.

On a few different occasions, different people have warned me not to allow my tender and loving heart to be under attack. Well, turns out the devil did attack this ole heart of mine, and in some cases, yes I did feed that hurt and depression.

I shouldn't have, but I did.

Anyways, I now have this perpetual fear that I won't ever be able to love people like I once did. I find myself consistently praying that the Lord restore my heart to have a love and compassionate spirit for sinners, backsliders, enemies, those that have hurt me, and fellow Christians.

It seems the hurt that allowed to come in my heart has made me something along the lines of numb. I don't really feel that it's bitterness, but a numbness. There's a difference. I honestly feel like I have forgiven the people I feel have wronged or hurt me, but at the same time, I simply cannot allow myself to go to the same place with them any longer.

My heart's on lock down. That's one way to put it. I've been encouraged --- by different people --- to put people at arm's length; to be their friend, but not let them be mine. It's terribly hard for me to do that. Once I put someone at arm's length, I generally erase (for the lack of a better word) those people from my life.

They're simply cut off.

And I keep reminding myself that was the old me, and that I've got to be better than that now. It's easier said than done, however.

I'd like to ask each of you to help me pray that I get this heart issue of mine straightened out. I want to the love I once had, but I fear I won't ever have it again.

Thanks in advance. God bless!

Brother, forgiveness and love is not a license to be be abused or mistreated again. It is simply the relinquishing of your desire for satisfaction and judgment against those that have wronged or hurt you somehow.

So, it's not a matter of love or forgiveness, it's a matter of trust. If someone has broken that trust, they have an obligation to earn it back. If they are not making steps toward that goal, an arm's length posture is fully warranted.

Do not confuse love with being naive, or compassion with with victimization. Yes, Jesus suffered horribly and submitted Himself to the worst pain imaginable, on all fronts, not just physically, but He's not doing it again for anyone, and for anyone who hasn't repented and obeyed the Gospel, it's everlasting destruction for them, FROM HIM.

So, you turned the other cheek, and gave your back to the smiters, so to speak, but that doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Of course, vengeance is the LORD's, and not yours, so refrain on that end.

But a loving, tender heart still needs to be tempered with wisdom. There were places Jesus wouldn't go so that He could avoid the persecution and madness that some people wanted to bring His way.

See Matthew 12:14-15, Mark 9:30, and etc. There is no reason we cannot do the same.

Bro Flame
08-14-2018, 08:04 AM
Brother, forgiveness and love is not a license to be be abused or mistreated again. It is simply the relinquishing of your desire for satisfaction and judgment against those that have wronged or hurt you somehow.

So, it's not a matter of love or forgiveness, it's a matter of trust. If someone has broken that trust, they have an obligation to earn it back. If they are not making steps toward that goal, an arm's length posture is fully warranted.

Do not confuse love with being naive, or compassion with with victimization. Yes, Jesus suffered horribly and submitted Himself to the worst pain imaginable, on all fronts, not just physically, but He's not doing it again for anyone, and for anyone who hasn't repented and obeyed the Gospel, it's everlasting destruction for them, FROM HIM.

So, you turned the other cheek, and gave your back to the smiters, so to speak, but that doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Of course, vengeance is the LORD's, and not yours, so refrain on that end.

But a loving, tender heart still needs to be tempered with wisdom. There were places Jesus wouldn't go so that He could avoid the persecution and madness that some people wanted to bring His way.

See Matthew 12:14-15, Mark 9:30, and etc. There is no reason we cannot do the same.
I understand what you're saying. Forgive them, but let them not have the chance to do the same thing again.

Apostolic1ness
08-14-2018, 08:09 AM
in the words of beloved George W. Bush " fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.....ummmm...well you just wont fool me again."

Jenny
09-05-2018, 03:23 PM
I feel so awful for you. This must be so hard. But I have a question, and I hope it won't seem too personal. Were your folks really sociable people? Were they really shy? Were they the life of the party? I ask because I have never been lonely in my life. I do get lonely for specific people who have gone on to Heaven before me, but I just don't get lonesome. I think it is because I come from a long line of very, very shy people. They did a lot of things they enjoyed that were solitary pursuits. We loved to sew and draw and paint and write,
go fishing alone, etc. Some of us were easily hurt, some weren't.
Before I got married I was always looking for ways to be alone so that I could go on nature walks or just watch the clouds or do my watercolors. And of course it was a wonderful chance for Bible study. I was my happiest just by myself. I am beginning to wonder if there is not a genetic component to all of this. I have heard that studies do indeed indicate that shyness is hereditary.
If your folks always needed people around them, that might explain some of it. I worked with a woman who would literally run to the TV to turn it on when she came in her front door. She was petrified of feeling she was by herself.
If I could send you some of my immunity to loneliness, I would do it in a heartbeat. Hope you feel better very, very soon. You do this anyway, but keep trying to realize that He is always right there beside you. Talk to Him, tell Him about your day. He is indeed the "friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
Psalm 73:23-24: Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.