Pray For Me That I Can Forgive Those Who've Wronged Me

[JaneEyre]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.

[philjones]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.

Jane,

I am praying for your healing and also your wholeness.

I have been where you are and I am not only healed, I am made whole.. no scars -- no wounds... and it only happened when I went to those who I felt had wronged me and asked them to forgive ME for harboring feelings like those you have described. You may be surprised, as I was, what you find out from those you thought had your demise as their goal!:)

[The Mrs]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.


Jane,

You are not alone with your struggles in this. I think the more you get to know some of us, the more you will see there are many that have been in your shoes.

You are on the right road with this request.

The best thing that worked for me was to pray for them. I had to keep praying for them till I felt a love for them. It's a huge step. It takes a lot of dying to self...at least, that was MY experience and how I got through it...I'm sure others will have some great advice as well.

Blessings to you... :heart

[RevBuddy]

Jane:

Your feelings are so natural and resultant of offenses and hurts. I share your experience and your heartache. Please allow the Lord to touch your spirit and your heart. That touch is like no other and He can make all things new. Forgiving is not an action; it's an attitude.

Take up your cross and follow Him...

...you are in my prayers and thoughts...there is an expectancy of His ministry in your life and I await your overcoming testimony...in His glorious Name!

[CC1]

Jane,

I am praying for you. If you let bitterness prevail you will end up being that which you hate.

I know this is easier said than done but you really have to release the hurt to God in prayer and let the Holy Spirit be the comforter that he promised he would be.

[pelathais]

Jane, there are many of us that have had to battle with this. It's bad enough being wronged, but then (at least for me) it seemed like the wrong doers pinned a dragon to my back that burdened me for years.

What has helped me was seeing the same ones who wronged me being put into unfair situations themselves. Any desire for "revenge" that I harbored melted away as I found myself feeling pity for them.

Even if I could have wrecked vengence and justice upon them, I wouldn't have done to them the things that they were forced to endure. Getting to the place where you actually feel sorry for those who have done you wrong brings healing, but it usually takes time.

Hang in there, be the Christian that you know you are and strive to be more Christlike- looking at His perfect example of overcoming injustice.

[Felicity]

I've been where you are Jane. The desire and commitment to do what's right will get you where you want to go in regard to forgiveness, along with God's help. I find that His help usually comes as truth from His Word. Read His Word ... then you know what the right thing is to do.

Time has a lot to do with healing but when it boils right down to it, forgiveness is a choice. It's not so much about "feeling" as it is about "choice". When you make the right choice then the right feelings will come as a natural outcome of that.

[JaneEyre]

Jane, there are many of us that have had to battle with this. It's bad enough being wronged, but then (at least for me) it seemed like the wrong doers pinned a dragon to my back that burdened me for years.

What has helped me was seeing the same ones who wronged me being put into unfair situations themselves. Any desire for "revenge" that I harbored melted away as I found myself feeling pity for them.

Even if I could have wrecked vengence and justice upon them, I wouldn't have done to them the things that they were forced to endure. Getting to the place where you actually feel sorry for those who have done you wrong brings healing, but it usually takes time.

Hang in there, be the Christian that you know you are and strive to be more Christlike- looking at His perfect example of overcoming injustice.


God has already started dealing with them. I don't see how He can bless them with what they've done. All they will have in their church are a few elderly people (relatives) and disgruntled saints. God won't go against His Word. The vengeance is His. I wouldn't know how to apply vengeance if I had the choice.

How they can lie down and sleep at night is beyond me. I must forgive them to be forgiven, but sometimes the words I speak don't match the feelings in my heart.

If I speak defeat, I'll be defeated. (But it takes time to feel victorious)...I choose not to be defeated.

If I speak forgiveness, I'll forgive. (But it takes time to feel the forgiveness)...I choose to forgive.

I'm not doing them any harm (unless you count coming here to relieve the tension - and I shall always keep them anonymous) or wishing them any harm. In my thinking they are a pitiful group to have to stoop to what they've done.

Thanks to everyone who has said they prayed or will pray for me. I need it.

[Felicity]

i prayed before like David prayed....... "Kill them God, kill them!" LOL!

Now I just love them.

[Rhoni]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.


Miss Jane,

Many have already told you that this is a common theme for man of us. I had friends that I "whined to for years". A friend told me one day, "They don't care what you think so you are wasting your time trying to defend your case." She was also telling me, "I'm tired of hearing about it". It was then I got a therapist. They are a captive audience. Thank God for Christian counselors who can not only hear what you are saying but they can sort through the confusion and get to the root of the issue.

It took me 5 years to forgive UPCI. They were so big they could care less over one person with a gripe/ex-UPCI preacher's wife or not. But it was eating me alive. I had to purposely forgive. I got a journal, dated the pages, and wrote my lists of grievances and then asked God to help me forgive and I wrote down on that day that I forgave them.

Did it cross my mind again? oOf course...sometimes weekly but then I would verbally say out loud to myself...on this date I forgave them. I could go a week, then a couple weeks, then a month, then every couple months. I have went years even. Does it rear its head every now and then...of course...but I have to do the same thing. Acknowledge it, pray about it, and remind myself that I forgave them on such and such a date.

If you expect apologies...don't, many times it never happens. When it does you can honestly look the person in the eyes and say, "I forgave you long ago, but I appreciate your honesty." You can hug them and go on.

If one honestly searches one's own heart you can find many things others have forgiven you for, and many things God has forgiven you for and washed clean in His blood. When you look at your offense from this perspective...you will be humbled and able to forgive more readily.

In my Divorce Recovery Classes, which I borrowed from the Church of Christ...we practice 4-Way Forgiveness.
1. I state the offense done to me with a trusted friend. I close my fist around it. We pray.
2. I state that I am forgiving them and releasing it to God and raise my fists and open them to God. We pray.
3. I then state a blessing that I want for this person and hold it in my hand, then we pray together for this person.
4. I raise my fist and open/release it to God. We pray.

The act of doing this triggers something in you and releases you to forgive. Forgive without expecting recompense or an apology and it frees you. Since many don't care enough about you to acknowledge the offense they do not harbor the bitter feeling in their stomache which effects all you do. But it frees you to move forward with a clean heart and restore love in your life which always affects those around you.

Hope this helps.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Neck]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.


I pray for you as well.

One tough things is to come to terms with the fact that even some of us oiffened others with our rants as well.

Nathan Eckstadt

[ILG]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.

I will pray Jane. I have been wronged too. I have sometimes harbored some bitterness too. God knows.

[Nina]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.


Sister,


I believe we are the most like Jesus when we forgive.

But we also must allow the offending party an opportunity to repent to keep the unity.

Have You obeyed Matthew 18 (If thy brother shall trespass against thee...)?
Have You followed the command through (If he will not hear thee....)?
I don't believe this is optional.

I believe You will KNOW when You have truly forgiven them from Your heart.

Nina

[Rhoni]

Sister,


I believe we are the most like Jesus when we forgive.

But we also must allow the offending party an opportunity to repent to keep the unity.

Have You obeyed Matthew 18 (If thy brother shall trespass against thee...)?
Have You followed the command through (If he will not hear thee....)?
I don't believe this is optional.

I believe You will KNOW when You have truly forgiven them from Your heart.

Nina

Nina,

I agree this is a good practice and very Biblical but our Pastors don't teach it, and if you have one who isn't confrontational..this system won't work.

I do have to say that forgiveness has to be intentional. It doesn't just happen and you wake up one day and realize you have forgiven. It is an action. If you go through the action then you will know you have forgiven.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

I pray for you as well.

One tough things is to come to terms with the fact that even some of us oiffened others with our rants as well.

Nathan Eckstadt

Great peace have they which love thy law...and NOTHING shall offend them.


Check out Nina's answer...if you have aught against a person or know they have aught against you...go to them one on one. If they won't hear you take another. If they still won't hear you...go before the church. Practice this a time or two and people will be ready to forgive before it has to go before the church. The way it is they can just blame you for telling others and claim no fault.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Truly Blessed]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.

I can relate to where you are because of your feelings of being treated unjustly. However, I can also testify to the amazing power of God to transform our feelings when we take 100% responsibility for our lives. It's a little lengthy, but I am going to share with you something out of my sermon yesterday. Read it with an open heart and know that I am praying for you.

Sermon Excerpt

The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose to act as if you accept 100% responsibility for what’s happening in your life. The next time something doesn’t work out the way you planned, you will ask your self, “What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want/”

I want to share with you a very simple, but important formula that was developed by Dr. Robert Resnick in Los Angeles, CA that will hopefully help you more clearly understand this idea of 100% responsibility. The formula is

E [event] + R [response] = O [outcome]

The basic idea is that every outcome you experience in life (whether it is success or failure, wealth or poverty, health or sickness, intimacy or estrangement, joy or frustration) is the result of how you have responded to an earlier event or events in your life. If you don’t like the outcomes you are currently getting, there are two choices you can make.

1) You can blame the event (E) for your lack of success. In other words, you can blame the economy, the weather, lack of money, lack of education, racism, gender bias, the current government in Victoria or Ottawa, your husband or wife, your boss’s attitude, lack of support, the system or systems, other Christians, etc If you’re a golfer you’ve probably even blamed the golf course or the clubs you’re using for such a poor round. There’s no doubt that these circumstances I mentioned exist, but if they were the deciding factor, nobody would ever succeed.

Jackie Robinson, a black man, would never have played major league baseball, Sidney Poitier and Denzel Washington would have never become movie stars. Bill Gates would have never founded Microsoft, Steve Jobs would never have started Apple Computers. For every reason why something is not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.

Many people have overcome limiting factors, so it can’t be the limiting factors that limit you. It’s not the external conditions and circumstances of your life today that stop you from succeeding, it’s you who stop you from overcoming. Like the 10 unbelieving spies returning from the Promised Land, you don’t believe you can conquer and so you don’t. They prevented themselves from possessing what God wanted them to have by their negative thoughts. Joshua and Caleb, on the other hand, were convinced they could go up and take possess the country, and eventually they got to enter and possess the Promised Land.

We stop ourselves from succeeding so often. We think limiting thoughts and engage in self-defeating behaviors. We defend our self-destructive habits with indefensible logic. We ignore useful feedback, fail to educate ourselves and learn new skills, waste time on trivial aspects of life, engage in idle gossip, eat unhealthy food, fail to exercise, spend more money than we make, fail to invest in our future, avoid necessary conflict, fail to tell the truth, don’t ask for what we want, etc. and then wonder why we aren’t making progress. But this is what most people do. They place the blame for everything that isn’t the way that want it to be on others and outside circumstances. They have an excuse for everything.

2) The second choice you can make instead of having an excuse for everything, is to simply change your responses (R) to the events (E) – the way things are – until you get the outcome (O) you want. You can change your thinking, change the way you communicate, change the pictures you hold in your head (images of yourself and the world around you) – and you can change your behavior (the things you do). That’s all you really have control over anyway.

Unfortunately most of us are so controlled by our habits that we never change our behavior. We get stuck in our conditioned responses. Our response to our spouses, to our children, our colleagues at work, our customers, our clients, our students, our fellow Christians, and to the world in general. We are a bundle of conditioned reflexes that operate outside of our control. To change who you are and where you are in life and get to where you want to be and need to be in life, you have to regain control of your thoughts, your images, and your behavior. Everything you think, say, and do need to become intentional and aligned with your purpose, your values, and your goals for you and your family.

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Prov.23:7)

[ILG]

Nina,

I agree this is a good practice and very Biblical but our Pastors don't teach it, and if you have one who isn't confrontational..this system won't work.

I do have to say that forgiveness has to be intentional. It doesn't just happen and you wake up one day and realize you have forgiven. It is an action. If you go through the action then you will know you have forgiven.

Blessings, Rhoni

That is true. I think an opportunity still needs to be given though. It is the responsibility of the offended party to give the offender a chance. If there is no apology or an apology that is a "get off my back and forgive already" type of apology, I think the person is freed to simply forgive, but that doesn't mean that the relationship should continue as it had been.

[Trouvere]

Pray for me. I don't want to harbor bitterness in my heart. I need to release some issues and allow God to heal me - spiritually and emotionally. I've been hurt deeply by some people in the UPCI and I have avoided them and said that I would never attend another UPCI church other than for a funeral or wedding. To put it simply, I was wronged. Treated unjustly and betrayed. That may sound subjective to you - but I have the facts to prove it. That is no excuse for hatred, resentment and bitterness. Pray that when I say I have forgiven these people that I really have.

Please don't tell me I am a whine baby. LOL
Thank you.

Jane the sign on the door could say UPC,Baptist,Methodist etc and you
can be hurt by people because they are in fact not perfact.The bible says
that "He remembers we are but dust." You have to make heaven your home and you cannot make it there with bitterness weighing you down.You have to obey the word and cast aside every weight that would keep you from heaven.
Jesus did and look what He went through.He I know was God but you have that same God living inside of you when you receive the Holy Ghost.It simply means dying to self will.Let it go.Its not worth it in the long run.Never say never.That phrase has been eaten too many times.Ask Jesus to lead you and if in fact it may be back to a UPC church or even the same UPC church do it.
I know of someone who was extremely miserable and very ill who was told by
Jesus to go back to an individual who hurt him and publically appologize.He did and God healed him on the spot.He got his miricle but had to obey.
Regardless of the issues its like in Acts where the bible says repent.Jesus did not say go to the therapist for twenty years first.He said repent and ye shall.
There is a route to receiving from God and its Gods choosing.We have to acknowledge His ways are higher than our ways and that He knows the end from the beginning.Pray for those who have hurt you.They will have to answer to Jesus.Release them so God can deal with them.You would want the same forgiveness had you wronged someone.

[Blubayou]

Praying for you- You have been given some great words of wisdom- Think on these things- I cannot add to them. Just know if you seek to forgive- You will be given that opportunity.

[JaneEyre]

I sincerely thank all of you who've said you'd pray for me and I really appreciate your posts. There is much wisdom in the them. This week I am facing some things I've never faced before and I covet your prayers for the next few days. Please pray!

[Scott Hutchinson]

Sister Jane Eyre, I pray that you can find peace in your spirit.

[JaneEyre]

Well, each day gets a little easier. One day I will wake up and "all of this will be behind me." Thank God that Jesus never changes and that I can depend on Him.

[Ron]

Jane,

You are not alone with your struggles in this. I think the more you get to know some of us, the more you will see there are many that have been in your shoes.

You are on the right road with this request.

The best thing that worked for me was to pray for them. I had to keep praying for them till I felt a love for them. It's a huge step. It takes a lot of dying to self...at least, that was MY experience and how I got through it...I'm sure others will have some great advice as well.

Blessings to you... :heart

Jane, this is a good answer above & very true.
I am sorry that you were hurt and your prayer request above shows you desire to do the right thing.
We all have been hurt at one time or another by other people & unfortunately will be again as Jesus already knew when whe admonished, no commanded us to forgive others.

I will be praying for you that God would give you Grace as you make that decision to release any ought or bitterness & forgive others.

[Felicity]

Recognizing and admitting that we, too, have wronged others at some point or other should help us in the obligation and biblical requirement to forgive others.

Sure, there are degrees of offense, but that doesn't justify excusing our own while being unforgiving toward someone else just because we feel someone else's offense toward us was more grievous.

"This, then, is how you should pray:

Our Father which art in heaven .....

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us ..... "