Apostolic Friends Forum - Meeting biological mother

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Re: Meeting biological mother

It's probably harder for kids than it is adults. But we know our Father can work this for good. Even to bringing souls into HIS kingdom!

Re: Meeting biological mother

Rico, are you waiting for your biological son to contact you?

As an adoptive parent, I would say to you that that is a good way to handle it. But I suppose if I was honest with you, I would also admit that that is a very selfish thing for me to say. It just means that as long as long as you are not in the picture, I wouldn't have to share my son with you.

But from Justin's point of view, I will tell you this..... He has always asked about his biological family. There is something in him that has always wanted to know where he came from.

My advice - and I know you didn't ask for it - would be that if there is a way for you to leave your contact information with someone so that IF your son wants to contact you, he could initiate the meeting, do that. Then step back and let him do that when and if he wants to. But it really would make things much easier for him if the information is there waiting for him whenever he's ready.

Re: Meeting biological mother

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron (Post 526151)

Will be praying. They both will do well, after all, look at thier adopted parents!

Thanks, Ron. That's a nice compliment. And thanks again to everyone for praying!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherr34 (Post 526470)

Will be praying. I just found my birth mother in Feb and Met her in May after 35 yrs. So I know that roller coaster ride.

Sherr, who initiated the meeting between you and your birth mom? Did you have alot of questions for her or did you just want to meet her? And how did it go? You can PM me if this is too personal for on here. And please don't feel like you have to share anything you are not comfortable sharing. I'm just trying to figure out how Justin might be feeling about now based somewhat on how others who have experienced it have felt. He's 18, so you know that means he's talking more with his friends than he is with us. That's ok cuz that's what they do at this age :)

Re: Meeting biological mother

margies3,
I sent you a pm

Re: Meeting biological mother

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherr34 (Post 526746)

margies3,
I sent you a pm

Got it. Thanks. I'll respond after I finish making supper.

Re: Meeting biological mother

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 526101)

Most of you know already that we have two sons who are both adopted. They are not biological brothers.

We've always told our boys that when they are 18, we will give them whatever information they want in order for them to be able to make contact with their birth parents. Keith already sees his biological grandma and a biological half-brother once a year. Always has. His grandma is actually the one who had custody of him before we adopted him. So he's easy.

Justin has not seen or heard from his biological family since he was 11 months old. We got him at age 3 1/2. He was in foster care until we got him.

So this week, his biological mom called my mother and my uncle to try to find out a way to contact Justin. Walt and I talked it over and decided now was the time IF Justin still wanted to make the contact. We talked with him tonight and he really does.

On Sunday his biological grandmother is coming down to this area and Justin will get to meet her for the first time since he was 3 months old. In the meantime, I will be making a phone call to his bio mom to set up a time for us to take him up to meet her and her new husband, as well as at least 2 of his biological half-brothers. He has one full sister, but I am not sure that he will get to meet her right away.

We had to explain to him tonight that while his biological mom has come a long ways and is doing much better now than she was at the time that she lost custody of him, his biological father has not changed. In fact, he is sitting in prison right now for attempted murder. He threw battery acid all over his step-mother when she refused to loan him money.

I'm sharing all of this with you so that I can ask you this - please pray for Justin for the next couple of weeks. In addition to getting ready to move out and go away to college, he's also going to have this emotional rollercoaster to ride. He'll be ok. He's a good kid and very strong. But it won't be easy. He'll need your prayers. Thanks!

Margie,

I will be praying all goes well during this time.

Re: Meeting biological mother

Just want to let you know that God answered all of your prayers. The meeting with Justin's biological grandma went very well. She was very nice. Very, very grateful for the good home that Justin has had all of these years. and she made it absolutely clear that in no way do they want to "take him back". They just want to get to see him and find out what kind of a young man he has grown into (a fantastic one, if I do say so myself :) ) and to be there to answer any questions that he has.

She also brought along a letter from his birth mother. I will be calling her tomorrow to set up a day when we can take Justin up to meet her and his two half-brothers and possibly his full sister. Keep praying.

God is handling this whole thing and doing a fantastic job. I know that all of your prayers have figured into this tremendously. Just want you to know I'm thankful to you.

Re: Meeting biological mother

Quote:

Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 527888)

Justin is your son and yours alone. There is no way anyone can take that from him or you.

But for him, I'm excited. It answers questions that would always be in his mind even if he never voiced them. And having an extended 'family' is also exciting to him, I'm sure. I'm glad you helped him with this and that you have no reservations....none you are voicing anyway. You and Walt have been wonderful parents, and it shows in your children.

Re: Meeting biological mother

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeavenlyOne (Post 527899)

Thanks, H1. We've tried :)

If I'm being completely honest, I'd have to say of course I have reservations. I know the reasons why we have Justin and his birth mother does not. I am sincerely hoping that what we've been told about her being changed so much is really true. She sent a letter with her mother today for us. It was well written and very informative. Very open and honest, I believe. In the letter she shared her MySpace account with us. I checked that out tonight. There are things on there that still leave me a little bit uncomfortable. But we'll go ahead with meeting her. We can always put the brakes on if we feel that anything at all is inappropriate. I don't expect to tho. She's still young (36), so I can't expect her to behave like she's 50. What I saw was not THAT bad. I just know Justin. He has VERY, very high moral standards. It'll be interesting to watch this develop. He's a good kid. I trust his judgement. He'll be ok :)

Re: Meeting biological mother

I find it amazing that the same amazing love that a birth mother has with her child is also there with adoptive mothers. It's so special!
God Bless you Margie!