Apostolic Friends Forum - Pastor's Kids

Apostolic Friends Forum (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/index.php)

- Fellowship Hall (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=7)

- - Pastor's Kids (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=4214)

I just know that my JCM class was composed of over 50% Pastor's children. They had issues. Many issues. Many of the reasons for this were:

#1. The parents were taught the works of the church came before their children.
#2. Their children were ignored and pampered instead of loved and disciplined.
#3. They were expected to be better than any of the other children which set them up to fail.
#4. Ministry was put on a pedestal that isn't Biblical nor right.

I felt so bad for PK's after listening to their 'issues' in our personal relationships classes.

My observations and views,
Rhoni

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri (Post 132994)

I am copying this from something I wrote on the tattoo thread - I thought it would make a good discussion starter on what is expected of the pastor's kids.

I think it was Rev. Randy who said that if Pastor's kids got tattoos (or whatever) and it was accepted, others would start to also. Well, my kids are NO DIFFERENT than anyone else's kids in church and they should not be made to feel like examples. That's one thing that drove my daughter away from church for a couple of years when she was about 17. She was so tired of being everyone's example, even though we never consciously tried to make her into that. No more should be expected of Pastor's kids than anyone else's, in my opinion. They did not choose the life of ministry; we did.

When my son came along six years later, we went overboard to let him know that he is the same as everyone else and no more is expected of him. He has never strayed from God and has a much healthier view of ministry at 18 than she did. At the church we pastor now in Jackson, probably half of the congregation or more do not even know that he is our son, and he is FINE with that.

Sounds like you have a very healthy family Sherri. I think our pastor and his wife must to a similar thing with their kids, because they are just great kids and they allow them to be just that...kids!

Quote:

Originally Posted by chseeads (Post 133001)

Pastor's kids are of the devil. :)

pastors kids learn everything from the evil saints kids!!:club:club

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri (Post 132994)

Whether or not the kids are good...bad...or indiffrent... generally they are a part of leadership whether they ask for it or not...

It's just that way in church.. Sad to say Many pastors put unrealistic expectations on their kids so much so it drives them away from the church.. not to mention the expectations put on them by the saints of the church...

My dad always drilled into us that fact that we represented him... and I in my own life begin to hate living that way..

Being a PK is a blessing and a curse at times...

but the truth is what the PK does there will be others that follow.. good or bad...

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy (Post 133339)

Could be....but I hate that kind of pressure. That's why Zac keeps a very low profile at this church. Like I said, the church is new (5 yr) and has grown so fast, alot of people don't even know we have a son at home. He loves it!!

We have always told them how fortunate they are though that they get perks that other kids don't get....lots of vacations and trips to great places. They see that alot more as they get older.

I was not a PK, so I don't really understand how they feel. I chose this life as a PW, so I'm fine with my role.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri (Post 133770)

Agreed..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandra (Post 133305)

pastors kids learn everything from the evil saints kids!!:club:club

I highly offended someone when I was a teenager by saying PK's learn from the saints kids. For some reason, she was offended that I said "saints kids." I never understood it. Oh well...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel (Post 133249)

Good post Felicity.

A PK does something, does not get the same sort of reprimand or "sitting" down that non PK kids get.

You're right. It's usually worse for the PK ..

You're right... usually worse... not in front of people or publically made known... as some might like it to be... but it usually is worse for PK.

But the truth is that if the pastor kid do it other will too. I am a pastor and have pastored for 24 years. I have told my kids that "you must go a little further, do a little more, have a little higher standards than other".

I used to remind the church that my kids were not their kids example (still do every so often but it is not as necessary now). I have refused to have the "live in a glass house" syndrom and such. I had someone come up to me one time (back in our uPC days) and went on about how my kid needed to do this or that because they needed to set an example for the other kids. My reply, "You can forget that. You are your kids example and if they turn out rotten then you have yourself to blame first, but you will never blame my kids for your kids behavior."

I do not face it like that now that we have left the UPC.

I refuse to let the "saints" place such expectations on my family period. I do not live every day worrying about it like that. We are people, working in the kingdom of God.

I think the main problem with this is when a pastor preaches so hard, and places so many rules on the congregation, that there is a lot of pressure on his family to tow the line. How can he whip the people into the submission of treading water when his own kids don't walk on water.