Divorce in the church
 

Do you feel church people are harsh toward those in the church under going a divorce?

I have friends who tell me that they felt treated very badly and they were the innocent party.

Yes.

Some treat you like a leper... as if divorce is a communicable disease.

Some come out and let you know right upfront that it is never one sided. "You both made plenty of mistakes"... yeah, thanks for the reminder. One of those mistakes was me telling you my wife left me. Appreciate your compassion. Want your knife back? It's uncomfortable stuck there in my neck.

The Church is the only army which murders it's wounded.

Sometimes they don't murder the wounded, sometimes they seem to simply take pleasure in causing more horrific, disfiguring wounds, and even maiming for life.

To me, brother, it is the same thing. One can be murdered in the church spiritually for good. Divorce is a sad situation and something that is horrible to go through. The Church needs to remember that if it was not for the Lord, we would be in some serious trouble.

I have always treated folks with respect.

The hard thing is the divorce rate is the same in the church as out of the church. Why?

I can't say. I feel bad for anyone that is going through a divorce and can't imagine anyone piling on when they are in need of help.

It is sad that the church now has such a high divorce rate.

I believe that divorce is a wide sin but Christians seem to misplace their feelings on it. Especially in the Apostolic / Holiness movement. We seem to hold down the wounded like Brother Price said. It's sad and again a huge trial that many people in this world face. Just like all sins Jesus can wipe that clean. Wash it in the blood of Jesus and it comes out white as snow.

Unfortunately, some do. It could be as simple as feeling awkward, and not knowing how to behave. Or it could be as awful as deliberately being rude and mean.

Ignorance plays a bigger role than pure malice.

I received much love and support from chuch when I was going through divorce. Sure, there were a few folks who were just the opposite, but the majority of my church family loved and helped me and I was never treated as damaged goods.

I've heard that statistic, but I strongly doubt it that its accurate, at least as far as Acts 2:38 saints are concerned. That statistic seems to be based on all people who identify themselves as "Christians", or active churchgoers, not Apostolic saints per se.

So since all the polls/surveys on this are mainly dealing with Baptists, Evangelicals, Methodists, etc., that will definitely skew the numbers, but we in the Apostolic church cant look at the published "divorce rate among Christians" as really being accurate for the Apostolic church. As far as I know,theres never been a true poll or survey of the divorce rate among Apostolics. But I'd say the rate is very low. If I had to take a best guess, I'd say probably in the 5-8% range or so, just from what I've observed over the years. (I'm sure some of the Apostolic pastors here can give us a more accurate estimate.)

The answer is yes... but...
God divorced the Old Covenant Church.....
Why don't they treat Him harsh?
Wait, that same group does...
Because we are the temple of God
And when you treat another temple harsh
Your treating God harsh...

the fact is in the church bros and sisters that we do not only hold down the wounded but we beat them while they are down, i know about this from personal experience, innocent and not so innocent, there is an unspoken wall that if you are divorced there has to be something wrong with you, not an opinion, verifiable fact, dt

I wish your best guess were true, but sadly I think it's more accurate to say the Apostolic rate is not much different from the world.

that is what I have head.

Wow this is a sore subject.I posted this earlier today on my way to dropping my daughter at school.
I came to God after having been divorced.I was married at seventeen right out of high school and divorced by the time I was twenty one.I was twenty two when someone invited me to a Pentecostal Church service and engaged at the time to a backslider.He always regretted taking me to church because I broke off the engagement to find Gods will.It was an issue when God called me to ministry whether a person who had been divorced before they were saved could be a minister.Thankfully the LaDist UPC board never held it against me.I do know of pastors who will not even allow anyone who has been divorced to teach anything or even sing in the church.They are eternally punished.Its a sad thing.One sister told me that when she came to God the only thing she was allowed to do regardless that her divorce was before salvation was to teach children or sinners.She said the children must have been regarded on the same level as sinners since they did not count.
I was shocked at that.There are people coming to Jesus now that have been married four or five times.Which stone do we throw? It seems like the pharaseeical spirit is very alive and well.I have to wonder.
One church organization will license its ministers if they were married and divorced and remarried before coming to Jesus but if they come to God divorced then they
cannot have been married again if they want to minister.To me that is holding a double standard.They are saying if you want to be a preacher prepare to be alone all the days of your life and watch the rest of us have joy while you suffer forever you horrible sinner.I see a whip involved in this not a cross.

wonder no longer sister that spirit is out there and very much alive still hurting people, to bad, people that are hurt need help and compassion not condemnation, bless you and merry christmas, dt:santathumb

My husband left me soon after I began going to church. We are now divorced. Once divorced I was no longer included in most of the social activities. I just don't fit. I am not included in the couples dinners, Valentine banquets, family get-togethers, etc. I am too old for the singles group, but at 65 I can't imagine going tubing. *smiles* I guess I am just too busy "cramming for my finals" to let insignificant things bother me. I've learned to be content no matter what..

good job sis, what a great spirit, the lord be with you and richly bless you, with his love and warmth this holiday, merry christmas, dt:christmasjig

I have seen both views hit on but I want to say that my church was so wonderful to me when my divorce happened... it was very hard and very public as he was the music director there. It tore me up yet the church people were so wonderful...

I know how you feel.When I first got saved I attended a home missions church and there was no one to fellowship unless the men were off shore and then their wives could come pray with me at church or go out to eat otherwise I hung with Pastor and his wifey and son.

How did they treat him?

Ummm well... he and she left immediately so not sure... then 2 weeks later he got shipped to Iraq and hasnt been back since really sooooooo........... But they didnt condone his actions... Thats as far as I will go on that topic

I think it comes from fear that the prevalence of divorce in the world will infiltrate the church. I know in mainstream Christianity it's become much more accepted and so instead of being kind, longsuffering, gentle with the hurting or even the sinning... Church folks get freaked out and do a lot more damage.

There has to be balance... we have to stand for marriage because there is a very real enemy who attacks our marriages and homes, as well as our own humanity that causes marital strife... but we also have to be filled with love toward those who are facing this, and understanding.

It's a delicate balance.

It's been my observation that what becomes ok in mainstream Christianity often (in time) infiltrates Apostolic ranks as well. It's growing.. it's a growing issue. It's easier and easier for Apostolic saints to give up on their marriages, because the idea that God doesn't want me to be unhappy is shouted from the mountaintops these days... And the amount of television that is watched now, the ideals of the world are being constantly pushed into the minds of Apostolics... like the proverbial frog in the pot, the change in our own hearts is almost inperceptable (sp?) at first.

I'm not being harsh toward those who've had a marriage break up.. please don't think that for one minute! Every circumstance is different.

I just know some folks very personally in the Apostolic church world who've gotten sucked into the "there's no hope of it ever changing so let's call it quits" mentality. Family members included.

Often one party is more willing to work thru than another, which makes it hard.

It happens so much now in church, there is not that big a fuss over it. There have been several in our church over the last year, and it is business as usual after a month or so.

I think its a myth that the divorce rate among Christians is similar to whats out there in the world.

Depending on what statistics you rely on, the national divorce rate is roughly about 50%.
http://www.divorcerate.org/

Among professing Christians, the number is significantly lower, percentage-wise, in the 20's to 30's. http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm http://www.sullivan-county.com/bush/divorce.htm
(Keep in mind that most of these "professing Christians" in these polls/surveys are not Holy Ghost filled, Spirit-led folk.)

Does anyone really believe the percentage is that high in the Apostolic church? I say not even close. I'd say not even 10%, if that much.

I think we can agree though, whatever actual the number is... it's still too high.


.

I have known some to suffer abuse for years over the "its going to change mentality" as well.I don't think anyone is rejoicing to just call it quits.

You don't know me, so you don't know the spirit in which I post.

I know there are abusive relationships.. my mother in law was beaten with a belt by her husband in places where bruises would not show to the public... my husband was punched in the face at a young age by his father... they obviously divorced. I am very aware of abuses... and there are definitely circumstances that require the marriage to disolve. I've never insinuated there weren't...

But the fact is... I have two close people to me... one a relative, who've ended their marriages because they didn't work through it... Apostolics...
One party in each marriage wanted to work through it... and the other party just wanted it over... the ideals of the modern era have crept in to Christianity.


My point is that divorce is rising in the Apostolic ranks, and it scares some church folks and thus they are hard and harsh on those who go through this...
Then there are the Apostolics who are just plain idiots and it's just fodder for them to talk and judge.

You have to have love and compassion and longsuffering when dealing with these issues, as well as standing for marriage at the same time.

Sister you took offense and did not have to.It was not a personal attack but its hard looking at the suffering of others from a safe vantage point.Its easy to say things when you aren't the one suffering.I don't think the statement divorce is on the rise can be properly validated.I haven't seen alot of divorce in the last twenty years.There have been a few but I haven't seen alot.I suppose life happens to all its just more noticable within a group of people who preach against divorce.

It's on the rise in my church alone. I can only surmise the battle is everywhere.

And I don't want to get personal because I've made it my business not to share my business to the world... but I know how close my husband and I came to calling it quits. There is a very real battle on for our families and marriages right now.
I can honestly say I speak from shoes that have walked through some of these places....

The reason I became defensive, is because I have been personally touched by divorce and rocky marriages, in my own life and in some close family and some close friends... all of us being Apostlic Christians...

I think people need healing and love in all circumstances.I wonder if somehow people are so offended by divorce that they react in strange manners toward those who are going through it.I have a friend whose pastor husband announced to the church that he was having an affair and could not keep up the charade and she was on the front pew and heard this for the first time.
It was devastating.They are divorced and he is married to his girlfriend now.

It is extremely hard on pastors and their families when it directly involves them (is them) been thru that one done that and dont want to ever go there again!!!

Divorce is not a sin to both parties, friend...

Thou speakest truth-eth

I believe that sin results in alot of divorces.Be honest since when do we lose all sense and expect people who living with someone who is extremely unfaithful to
continually forgive them? Naw if it were our husband or wife it would be the frying pan over the head or divorce court but when the shoe is on the foot of our brother or sister we expect the extra mile.I know of people who were the wronged party but felt they could never remarry live years bitterly and joyously while the guilty party went on to have children and grandchildren going to the church down the road etc.
Why the double standard I wonder?

Very accurate statement.

That's actually what I meant...

There are some who will not marry two people in the church if one of them has ever been divorced yet they will accept them as members after the fact.

A divorce is a breaking of the covenant. It occurs when ONE party is unfaithful. No, both parties are not guilty in a divorce. What we consider divorce is merely legal proceedings today. A true divorce is when the covenant is broken, not when a judge says so.

this post reminded me of what the bible says about truce breakers.Sadly not everyone wants it broken.