The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Seems forgiveness has been on the minds of many posters lately so I thought I would post some stories about the power of forgiveness. I hope they help you!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

The Healing Power of Forgiveness
by Karen O'Connor

How could she forgive the woman who had gone after her husband and ultimately married him?

I thought about her. I dreamed about her. I saw her in every woman I met. Some had her name, Cathy. Others her deep-set blue eyes or her curly dark hair. Even the slightest resemblance turned my stomach into a knot.

I felt trapped with my thoughts

Weeks, months, years passed. Was I never to be free of this woman who had gone after my husband and ultimately married him? I couldn't go on like this. The endless rage, resentment, guilt, and anger drained the life out of everything I did. I went into counseling. I attended self-help classes, seminars, workshops. I read books. I talked to anyone who would listen.

I ran. I walked the beach. I drove for miles to nowhere. I screamed into my pillow at night. I meditated. I prayed. I blamed myself. I did everything I knew how to do--except surrender.

Then one Saturday in 1982 I was drawn to a day-long seminar on the healing power of forgiveness sponsored by a church in my neighborhood. After some discussion and sharing, participants were asked to close their eyes, then locate someone in their lives they had not forgiven--for whatever reason, real or imagined.

I did not want to forgive her

Next, the leader invited us to look at whether or not we'd be willing to forgive that person. My first thought was Cathy. My stomach churned again. My hands were suddenly wet, and my head throbbed. I felt I had to get out of that room, but something kept me in my seat.

How could I forgive a person like Cathy? She not only had hurt me but she'd hurt my children, also. So I turned my attention to other people in my life. My mother. She'd be easy to forgive. Or my friend Ann, or my former high school English teacher. Anyone but Cathy. But there was no escape. The name persisted, and her face grew large in my mind.

Then a voice within gently asked, "Are you ready to let go of this? To release her? To forgive yourself, as well?"

My unforgiveness was destroying me

I turned hot, then cold. I began to shake. I was certain everyone around me could hear my heart beating. Yes, I was willing. I couldn't hold onto my anger any longer. It was killing me. In that moment, without doing anything else, an incredible shift in my perception took place. I simply let go!

When I let go of the anger - I couldn't believe the freedom I experienced

I can't describe it. I don't know what happened or what prompted me at that moment to do something I had resisted so doggedly for months. All I know is that for the first time in four years I completely surrendered to the Holy Spirit. I released my grip on Cathy, on my ex-husband, on myself. I let go of the anger--just like that.

Within seconds, energy rushed through every cell of my body. My mind became alert, my heart lightened. I saw things I had not seen before. Suddenly I realized that as long as I separate myself from even one person, I separate myself from God.

How "righteous" I had been. How arrogant and possessive. How important it had been for me to be right, no matter what the cost. And it had cost me plenty--my health, my spontaneity, my aliveness.

I had no idea what was next, but it didn't matter. That night I slept straight through till morning. No dreams. No haunting face. No reminders.

If it had been up to me alone, I don't know if I would have had the courage or the generosity to make the first move. But it was not up to me. There was no mistaking the power of the Holy Spirit within me.

I wrote her a letter and truly forgave her

The following Monday I walked into my office and wrote Cathy a letter. The words spilled onto the page without effort.

"Dear Cathy," I began. "On Saturday morning...," and I proceeded to tell her what had occurred.

I told her how I had deliberately continued to separate myself from her, to judge her for what she had done and, as a result, how I denied both of us the healing power of forgiveness.

On Wednesday afternoon of the same week, the phone rang.

"Karen?"

There was no mistaking the voice.

"It's Cathy," she said softly.

Surprisingly my stomach remained calm. My hands were dry. My voice was steady and sure. I listened more than I talked--unusual for me. I found myself actually interested in what Cathy had to say.

She thanked me for the letter, and she acknowledged my courage in writing it. Then she told me how sorry she was--for everything. She talked briefly about her regret, her sadness for me, and more. All I had ever wanted to hear from her, she said that day.

Her words of apology paled in comparison to the deep peace God gave me

As I replaced the receiver, however, I realized that as nice as it was to hear her words of apology, they didn't really matter. They paled in comparison to what God was teaching me. Buried deep in the trauma of my divorce was the truth I had been looking for all my life without even knowing it. God is my source, my strength, my very supply. He alone can minister healing.

For four years I had been caught in the externals, the reasons, the lies, the excuses, the jealousy, the anger. But now I had a clear experience of what had formerly been a stack of psychological insights. Now I really knew that no one can hurt me as long as I am in God's hands. No one can rob me of my life--unless I allow them to.

My life is mine and every experience, no matter how painful or confusing it seems, can serve my spiritual growth. Every moment has its purpose if I am serving the Lord.

Since then I have started over again in another city--free of the binding ties of jealousy, anger, and resentment, free to experience all that God has for me. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11,12 NIV).

God desires that you discover freedom and strength

God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to feel better about ourselves, more excited about our future, more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Bro.
Thanks for posting this.:waving
I believe we are the most like God when we forgive.
I believe God rejoices with great joy when we forgive.
I am so glad that I have it in my power to make God rejoice!
Nina

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Excellent post and this one paragraph is the ultimate!!!!

I remember being hurt so badly by a pastor. One morning I ran to the Post Office as was my daily routine. I had a letter from him. It was totally professionally written. Last line - "If I can be of further assistance - Sincerely"

This horrible anger came over me. All the prayers, tears, work, fasting, burdens, etc. and I get - "If I can be of further assistance - Sincerely". Sort of like a letter from the government. lol

It reminded me of a Federal Judge I once worked for. He dictated letters to be sent to his children when they all lived in the same neighborhood. lol

Anyway, I so wish I could remember the song that God brought so strongly to my mind on the drive home from the Post Office!!!!! He totally stopped me in my anger and took it away. He wouldn't allow that to try and destroy me. He was watching out for my heart, my thoughts, my life!!!!

My very best friend!!!!!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

I found myself one time in a very strange circumstance. My first wife had been murdered. We had been married for just over 10 years and, while volunteering in a "charity-type" store, she was robbed and murdered.

My life spiraled downward after that. I left the ministry, left God, and got involved in drinking and drugs. I became estranged from our children and life as I knew it was over. For years I felt abandoned, isolated from anything and everybody. But still, through it all, I could hear the Lord calling.

The men who killed my wife were caught and I finally had someone to direct my rage against. I wanted to kill them. I planned it, dreamed it. I intended to find a way. Until I realized that, while some might seek to justify my actions, I would be no different from them. Taking their lives would not bring my wife back, nor would it make my life any easier. So...I did the only thing I could do. I called on God. He showed me that mu forgiveness would do nothing for those men- but it would do me alot of good. It would put me on the road to healing. So...I forgave. I do forgive. One of the men has since died and I pray he was ready to meet God. The other will die in prison. I pray he will find God.
Forgiveness does nothing for the offender. It doesn't let them off the hook, nor does it wipe their slate clean. But it does mine. It removes the hatred... the bitterness. It puts me on the road to a right relationship with God. I'm not there yet. Closer. But not there.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Excellent post. One Accord, I remember you talking about this a long time ago!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

One of the greatest examples I ever saw of forgiveness in action was my grandmother...

Briefly, my grandfather was a streat running heathen...I can say this because he was my grandfather and because it is true. He had two children by her SIL and many girlfriends beside.

Years later he left Grandma for one of them and they were married.

Following her divorce, Grandma got saved and put the past behind her, developing a friendship with the new wife.

After good ole granddad divorced wife #2, she came to the Lord...attending the SAME church and sitting with Grandma at every service!!

My unsaved aunts couldn't understand this, but Grandma always just said, "It is over!!"

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Any more?

It's food for the soul.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

bump

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

I keep thinking of how much MORE God has forgiven ME of then I have ever had the courage to forgive others of. I am the classic servant who demands the 2 cents that someone owes me, even while having been forgiven of ten thousand dollars by MY Master.

Being able to forgive, and love -both God and your fellow man, are the greatest commandments given. I have fun reading debates on standards but consider them soooooooo far down the path of what is really important that they are almost nothing more then an intellectual game for me. People talking about hair length is in the same category (compared to the topic at hand) as that of a word puzzle in the Sunday paper. As well as many other issues which some people base their very salvation on.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Jam 1:27 "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, [and] to keep himself unspotted from the world."

Sometimes we forget this.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Harbouring unforgiveness is one of the many spots of the world..........

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

What a great thread...I feel so encouraged by all these wonderful testimonies!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

This is one of my favorite scriptures! :thumbsup

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

[/COLOR]Matthew 6 (KJV) 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18(KJV)
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Note the words are in red. I think we can believe the speaker.........I think He means it!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

So why isn't this hammered from the pulpit night after night?

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We should hear more of it. We may argue over cut or uncut, but there is no arguing about forgiving or not forgiving.

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This is the first time I've read this... thanks for sharing..

I also know what it is to sit on the same pew with the woman who is/was married to your ex-husband.

During our divorce proceedings, God gave me a vision of her receiving the H.G. in church... I was praying for the situation... I didn't want to pray for this woman, but felt led to do so anyway. Approx 2 years after the divorce, Karla received the Holy Ghost in the very spot I saw her recieving it... I had long forgiven both my ex and her... but have to say it is a very different feeling to stand in the altars where you were married, where you dedicated babies to the Lord with your husband.... and then some years later, pray and worship with your ex husband and his new wife.

I know God to be a healer of wounded hearts and I'm thankful he gave me a heart of forgiveness... life is far too short to spend in bitterness towards anyone.

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Glory to God!!
He is able to take the broken pieces and the evil that our enemy meant for harm and destruction and bring about good, healing, peace, and salvation. He does all things good. :)

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This must have been difficult to share so publically. May God bless you for your transparency. The truth is...the people who would do such things as this would never give you or I another thought so, as you have stated, the forgiveness is about you being able to go on with your life and be happy and nothing about them.

I have been in such circumstances and a friend told me the above and I realized they were right. Bitterness and anger only hurt you...it has no affect on them. I refuse to give another moment of control to people who have dismissed me long ago. Traveling on...as you have done.

Blessings, Rhoni

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Ive tried to let go!!How do we forgive when the wound is so deep?What if you have to see the person every day? Its like pouring salt on the wound.I have been on my knees and begged God to take it away!!! My daughter was hurt very bad.There has got to be a way to do this in Jesus name!!!!!

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

when i forgave my ex wife for cheating, i set myself free from the bondage of bitterness, it was liberating, dt

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Just wondering, should we forgive even if we aren't asked for forgiveness? If the other one isn't even sorry?

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Haven't you been reading what folks are writing? :nah

If you use Jesus as an example, He was willing to forgive those who killed him even though they did not or may never have repented.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

True. But apparently, it ended there. Nowadays, nobody gets a pass.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

We are going through a life changing event right now and have been very much wronged. For a while it was consuming me. I reached the point where I did not want to leave the house, didn't want to eat, and had day dreams of the other party's destruction. I prayed and some days, did better. Others - not so much.

My mom told me that I was "drinking the poison hoping [person's name] will die from it" and that really hit home.

I'm doing better. We still have daily problems as a result of this person, but I have forgiven. And I try to daily remember not to drink the poison and hope he will die. God will take care of me as long as I don't allow anger and bitterness to take over my soul.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

I know where you are, I've been there. Someone wronged me badly (supposed to be my best friend) and I had to see her every time I went to church. It consumed me. I struggled, prayed, begged God to help me forgive, tried so hard to forgive. It nearly destroyed me. I didn't want to be wrong with God because of unforgiveness, but I just COULD NOT DO IT.

I finally came to a place where I just handed it to God. 'God, you know I can't do this. I'm not capable of forgiving this person. I just give it to you. I'm going to ask for your mercy when I think horrible thoughts about her. Right now, I just can't get over this. I give it to you, I ask you to change my heart and my thoughts.'

My part in this was to at least TRY to avoid the angry thoughts. If I caught myself dwelling on it, I'd try to shift my mind to think of something else. It can actually become a habit to just dwell on a certain situation in your mind. So, that was my part. I made the effort to not dwell on it. Other than that, I just left it to God. I stopped beating myself up for not forgiving.

I can't even tell you when, but something changed in me. Little by little, the anger began to lift. After 7 years of being obsessed with it, in the past year it has just lifted. I can see this person at church now, and not even think about what happened. She just doesn't register on my radar now. After being nearly the only thing on my radar for so many years. Really, God worked a miracle in my heart and in my mind.

That's my recommendation. Don't try so hard, just tell God that you can't do it, and let him work a miracle inside your heart. It may take a few years. If something is really traumatic, it does a number on your psyche. It can take time to mentally and emotionally heal. Sometimes God will heal you immediately, sometimes he takes you through a process. But if you ask him to heal you, he will.

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A really good book to read on keeping our minds free from stuff like bitterness and unforgiveness is The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. I have it in devotional form and have read it every year for the past four years. You can pick it up at Walmart.

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Nope, it's God will that all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth. Forgiveness by God through Jesus Christ is available today to "whosoever will".

Ps 86:5 For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

Re: The Healing Power of Forgiveness
 

Huh? I'm talking about forgiveness, with or without repentance. It may very well be God's will that everyone repent and be saved, but you must agree (seems to me) that God will not forgive without repentance! (In your theology, that is.) Nothing at all to do with what He wants people to do.