Interesting how scandal hits politicians and the ministry in the same fashion. In light of the latest snafu in the North East among Governors, in the past also affecting the ministery, etc., I have a question.

Ladies, what is worse...

...to discover that your husband has been involved in a long affair with one person?

...to discover that your husband has been involved with one or more prostitutes spending thousands of dollars, etc.

...to discover that your husband is gay and the fact that he has a steady...um...guy?

I know these are all bad from a man's perspective and but for the Grace of God goeth lots and lots more of us...

Which one is the worst or rank them and WHY? Just curious...

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Definately the third one. He is lying about so much more than an affair, ya know? It would be like you were married to a stranger...

Then comes the first one because our relationship and love is a lie..that cuts deep

Then the second one...it sounds like he has a sexual problem, maybe a disorder or addiction. Not that it makes it any better, but maybe his mind needs help, ya know?

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I always thought that the worse thing that could happen to a women would be if her husband left her for A MAN. (That would have to be the ultimate insult! To think I was so bad in the "intimacy" arena that I caused him to switch to the opposite sex.)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Any deception is really painful to deal with....so all three are horrible.

I would have to say that the husband that was gay would bother me the most... I would think the risk of disease would be higher.. maybe not...probably the prostitute one would be as high. However, it would turn my stomach with the gay one.. i would be dying over that..

Spiritually, none is greater sin than the other....

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Well, he would have more problems than just the lack of intimacy issue.. lol but I kinda agree with it being an insult.. ya gotta be kidding me!!! :reaction

However, I remember seeing my ex husband's girlfriend before we were divorced and thinking "Lord, that is an insult..couldn't you have done better than that????" I avoided them everywhere... was tormented by it until I saw her and realized that even though I was now plus size and all...there was no comparison in the two of us... :runhills Somehow I felt so much better. Then really all I felt was pity after a while.. He just has issues... she had even as many. lol

It took me a long while to realize that it wasn't looks or lack of looks...money or lack of money... or really anything that was the cause... sin just has a way of destroying people.

Time heals all wounds... thank you Jesus.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Well I think you are beautiful... inside and out.

And those little girls at the bottom of your page are beautiful too!!!

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

well, thank you.. :bliss you've made my day.

Breauna is second cousin to my girls (on their fathers side) and I will be raising her now.. and Bekah is my baby. ;) i think both are beautiful too.... :)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I am NOT a woman, however, FWIT my observation has been that most men (especially saved men) who have an affair, have one with someone less attractive than their wife.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Well that would HELP me feel better (I guess????)

But what if he left me for a MAN and that man was prettier than I was??? LOL!!! (I've seen some awfully pretty men!!!)


(btw - "saved men who have an affair" - Is this an oxymoron?)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

True dat, true dat! LOL

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hmmmm... I wonder if red spike heels or wheelchairs are to blame...

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

My wife would be very forgiving and loving and understanding, in accordance with 1 Cor 13, Matthew 18:22, etc., for any of the three. ... Um. ... I think.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I hadn't really noticed with others. Definitely the character of the "other" woman is lacking if not looks. I wouldn't have called my ex saved when he had the affair.. first came the backsliding, partying..then the woman with the lifestyle.

However, I will always feel for those going through adultery/divorce... that pain of rejection is horrible. You really do turn it all inward and pick yourself apart...I remember thinking of being married for 14 years and you get comfortable and secure with your mate.. I know that I lost 25lbs the first month, and did a total make over.. crazy things that fill your head. I assume it is only normal though and every woman who goes through it experiences the same feelings.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

All of these have the same potential consequence if one is in ministry or a public office. The wife loses her husband and means of viable support in one full swoop.

She who likely gave up everything else to help him build his church or get to that political office. All to be swept into the dust....

There needs to be insurance against cheating husbands for wives whose livelihood bites the dust when their husbands do. :kickcan

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

A.L.I.M.O.N.Y.

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R.O.F.L.

But I wish it paid more than most are allowed!

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I'm not sure which one would be worse, but for me, on #2 and 3 there's a big ICK factor!

I've always thought it would be easier to forgive if it were something casual or unplanned as opposed to a longterm affair, but I don't know. I hope I never have to find out.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

What good is ALIMONY if one's ex-husband no longer has a church or political office? Especially if this was a lifetime endeaver? :cool:

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

If my husband were to have an affair, at least let it be with something I can compete against!!!

I mean, how can a woman compete against a man??

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I would think that losing the position of pastor's wife or governor's wife would pale in comparison to other concerns. And if she was just in a supportive position anyway, then she would be free to pursue her own interests.

If politics are the dream, then what's to stop her from being in the political arena?

As for being a pastor's wife, well, that may be over and done with, but there are many places to apply that experience in a different way.

I don't see how it's the End.

...or, do you mean as the ex-husband's source of income?

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

The worst scenario is the last ... I know two pastors that have had this happen to them ... this has to hurt the ego immensely whether you are are male or female.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Well I can answer 2 of those... The long term affair and the prostitutes... neither is an easy road... He had been with his high school sweetheart off and on since high school and she was married and he was married to me! He also had many prostitutes over a matter of years... no he wasnt no rich man who paid thousands of dollars for them so when I found out yep... almost as huge of an ick factor as it would have been to find out he was gay..

The prostitutes happened when he was overseas all the time and its just sickening still to think of...

Hardest part was telling the pastor of the upc church he was choir director at and then telling the choir why he wasnt going to show up for choir practice that Sunday afternoon!

Am I over the bag of dirt.. yep and so glad God gave me the awesome man he has!!!

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

An enviable thing AG ... How fortunate .... I sincerely rejoice for your happiness ... Praying I will find a lady just as great.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

You will in Gods timing Dan and I do have to say I know how hard those words are to hear! I wanted to strangle people when they would say them myself. It is true and you have wonderful children that God will provide someone to help you raise them in a Godly family home,,, just be patient with Him :)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Well, I tend to think that survival (such as having food to eat and a safe place to live) might take priority over having to think about the loss of a husband the wife only thought she knew.

Not all women are Hillary Clintons. Many politicians and ministers' wives gave up all career aspirations to help their spouses get into political office or build a church. When the husband's thrown out of his position, the wife is not only losing her husband but the only means of support she has known most of her life.

Being over 50 is pretty old to be starting over at a minimum wage job at Walmart. Maybe she can manage to parlay her experience into a higher paying job but she would have to do so at the same time she is dealing with the pain of losing her husband.

A mighty tall order for a woman who may never have been in the working world as most of us know it. :cool:

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

For most ordinary guys, who are not rich, famous or movie star handsome, it's not really about how attractive the other woman is, It is about how much she makes you feel valued. It's the strongest need of all men: the need to have value.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

Gee. That's a tough question.
That's like asking...How would you prefer to be killed?

A...shot in the head
B.. stabbed in the heart, or
C.. thrown off a 15 story building?

Honestly, I just cant decide.
:bubble


(Sorry. I know the question was for women only, but I couldn't resist. Y'all forgive me.)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I prefer to go up in the Rapture, but if I had to choose one of those, I would say which ever is the fastest and least painful!

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Well... I been hearing things.... :gaga

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Buwahahaha!!! :killinme

That's about how I feel about it as well!!! :toofunny

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I guess I am the oddball on this one (go figure). I have always thought that it would be preferable to be rejected for a man, at least that way you know that you couldn't possibly compete.

I have dealt with rejection from most every angle but that one, I don't think that would have been quite as painful. Then again, no one really knows how they would feel about something unless they have actually lived it.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

I'm just thankful I haven't experienced any of the above.

Although if I had to choose, I think it would be C. Because then it wouldn't be my fault or anything I could have helped or prevented... and it wouldn't be me personally he wasn't happy with.

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Thank goodness, now I'm not the lone ranger out here shivering in the cold!! :friend

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"Man in the dorm, man in the dorm!!!!!"

Anyone one of these would land me in cement boots in the middle of the Saint John River...SERIOUS!!!!

Okay, I'm leaving now...

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

If my husband were to have sex with prostitutes or - heaven forbid - with another man, it would be even more disgusting to me than if he had a long-term affair with a woman. Having sex with prostitutes or sex with another man would put him on the same level as a common dog or any other animal. That's just sex for the sake of sex.

At least if it was an affair, you might assume that there was some sort of emotional attachments.

That doesn't make it ok. But at least I wouldn't have to wonder for the rest of my life how it was that I had ended up married to an animal instead of a human being.

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

It would be the boot for mine.

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My husband has said many times, that if a man is happy in the home, then he stays home.....

My husband and I work together on this. I tell him everyday that he is incredible and the most wonderful man I know! He nods and says he knows it already! LOL!

We have the most incredible marriage ever so I don't know how I would feel about the original post. I have know people in all 3 scenerios. All 3 have left major scars on ones life!

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

:highfive

I immediately thought C.

If he had an affair with anyone (male or female) he'd be joining MM at the bottom of the river. Better yet... at the bottom of the headpond. (It's deeper!!!)

Re: For WOMEN ONLY!
 

C definitely has the highest Ick Factor. Especially if he spends "quality time" with his boyfriend and his wife the same day.
Yuck.
.
.
.
(Excuse me. I think I just threw up in my mouth.)