Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Mothers
 

So, the question came up at our church the other night between a few friends. I thought I would ask you all what you think. What do you think the chances of a single Apostolic guy, to choose to be with a girl that is Apostolic, and Holy Ghost filled, but already has a child??? Inquiring minds want to know!!!!!!

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

It happens all the time.

It's just a matter of whether the guy minds raising a kid that's not his own. Some guy's are fine with that. Others prefer not to.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

So it doesn't matter that she has a child already, just if he is ready for one.... I'll take that to the youth group :)

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I cant speak for all men, of course. I just know how a lot of us men think, and what I've heard other men say about situations like that.

There are a lot of possible reasons and considerations...

Some men feel like they would rather start off with a clean slate, instead of taking on a kid that's just not theirs biologically.

Others may feel like they would rather go a few years into the marriage just getting used to being a married man, without having to instantly take on the role of being someone's father.

Others (especially if the kid is older) might be uneasy as to whether a child will accept and give them that respect as their father, the way they feel their biological child would.

Others might not want to deal with drama (possible conflicts, visitation rights, etc) from the "baby-daddy" if he's still in the picture

And I'm sure there are a bunch of other reasons out there.

But at the end of the day, I would like to think that most Apostolic men would prefer to marry a single mother who is a good and holy woman of God, than marry a woman who is childless, but whose walk with God is not where it should be.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I could not agree more. You know how young girls are though. THey are so worried they will never get married if they already have a baby. If they wait on the Lord, it will happen. I think...............

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I already had a son when I met my wife and she had no problem with it. He lives with his mother full time but I see him regularly. In fact, we'll be picking him up this Thursday morning and I will have him through Easter.
And he calls my wife "Gail" -which is as it should be.

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...s/Brewers1.jpg

It's a shame that more guys aren't accepting of kids that the mother may have already. As far as expecting to be called "Dad" by her kid(s), unless the biological father is completely out of the picture, DON'T! They are HIS kids more then yours, which can make any such situation very complicated.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Wow, another great way to look at it. You guys are pretty smart :)

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Sadly, there are lots of Apostolic single men with kids, but because they don't step up to the plate, the mother is the one with the 'proof', and he's off the hook.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

But do you think men in church look at the single apostolic mothers differently than they do the ones without children?

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Depends on their maturity level.

For instance, I'm 38 years old. It's a given that I probably have children at my age. If someone looks down on me for that, they aren't mature enough to handle it, IMO.

However, if I were 17 with children, well, I can expect someone to look differently at me than if I were 38.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

True..... I see your point. I find that a lot of Apostolic young men are very stuck-up. To meet someone that understands, they almost have to be older...

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I don't know if it's about being "stuck up" as much as it's about being relatively immature at younger ages. . Most 21 year old Apostolic men would not be open to the idea at all. But a lot more of them would at age 31.

More experience in life. More wisdom. More open-mindedness.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Well that was just IMO.... I do agree with you that the older ones are more understanding. God needs to send them to Tampa. LOL

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I think it depends on the situation. They may find husbands, they may not. If they already have children they have to consider that (to a large extent) in many ways their course in life is already set. A lot of things are already written in stone. That’s the long and short of it. There are no easy answers once a child comes into the picture. Actually if you think about it the easy answers disappear at conception. I've heard of some single moms deliberately remaining single in order to focus on raising their children in a godly manner. I think this is honorable. Most men would be impressed with godly, well behaved and personable children. I believe that would up the chances of a young woman finding a husband.

I am a single woman without children and don't know if I would marry a man that has children. For many of the same reasons stated by TRFrance. I know that step parent situations can work out, but sometimes they don't. The step parent/step child scenario can be a huge source of division in a marriage. Married couples are supposed to be one flesh. Relationships take enough effort without bringing in additional people to complicate things. For instance things seem fine on the outside until the step parent chastises the step child. Then it turns into "You're not my mom/dad" or "Please don't speak to MY child that way". Personally that isn't something that I would want to deal with. I wouldn't want to deal with the child's mother and other relatives either. No thanks. Not unless that was one anointed, spectacular, endearing, adorable child.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I would think there are many things that would be considered here....

Why does she have a child ....
Was she married ....
Was she in "Holy Ghost filled" when the thing happened ...
Where is the father ....
How old is this mother ....
How old is ths child ....
Hold old was the mother when she had this child ....


We live in a different age than we have ever lived in! I am gonna have ponder some things on this.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Why does she have a child .... she doesn't believe in abortion
Was she married .... no
Was she in "Holy Ghost filled" when the thing happened ... no
Where is the father .... no where to be found
How old is this mother .... in her twenties
How old is ths child .... 2
Hold old was the mother when she had this child .... in her twenties

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Could it be that you are the mother?

Since I am not a man I can't answer from a man's perspective. From what I have seen there are men who won't have a problem with the woman having a child. My oldest son dated a girl that had a child. She was Holy Ghost filled. She had never been married. He had no problem with it. He was quite willing to support and love the little girl. So there are some guys who will take on a wife and a child.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

No, but I have single mothers in my sunday school class that have recently been filled with the Holy Ghost, and the question came up in class Sunday. I was looking for different points of view to tell the girls. It seems as if most of the responses are coming from people that have not been in the situation. I haven't been their either, so I can't really understand the situation.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Guess what I was getting at was ...

If the girl was in the church and raised with morals then why would a guy want a wife that is always breaking the rules.
It would make a diference if it was out of rebellion or bad choices.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

This is what she told me. She was born and raised Apostolic. When she was in school she started hanging around the wrong people, and I guess she became a backslider. She just got refilled with the Holy ghost in a revival at our church. When she was out in the world, she made some bad choices, and now has a child. She is a great girl, just lost her way I guess you could say..

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

What prompted the questions is, we had a young lady in our church

In the choir, singing specials, very much "In church", slept with a young man from a neighboring church.

Lied her way out of it ... still "in church", singing in choir, on the platform, etc
couple of years later was actually caught in the act of the same thing

3rd time around she was pregnant ...... NO DON"T marry her

** Hypothetical
Girl goes off to college, quits going to church, lives a sinful life, gets pregnant

Comes back home, gets right with God and proves herself, YES I could see marrying her


***Another angle
No matter which way it was ...... there will always be in the back of the husbands mind .... will she go out and do this again

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

THANKS!!!!! Now that is the answer I was looking for!!!!!!! That is what I told her.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Ya reap what you sew. A child is a reminder of your mistakes. I bet many who 'down' a young girl for having a child out of wedlock have greater things in their closets. Thing is, we don't see a result of their sin.

Anyway, I've given this a lot of thought. Could I, would I marry a woman with child(ren)? Yeah, if I knew she was 'right' and has been 'right' for a really long time now. Also, the father would have to be gone, out of the picture completely.

Other than that...

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Oh Lord, this guy doesn't even live in Florida! Never even knew the girl was pregnant!!!!!

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

That makes it easier. Don't tell the guy. Some might cry out "he has the right to know." Whatevah! What are the odds that he'll do his part? Telling the guy will give him the 'right' to pop in every few yrs and cause turmoil. Never send a christmas card or a birthday card.. just pop in and cause some drama.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

GEEZ!!! You sound just like me.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I haven't read all the above posts. Just answering the question. If I were single I wouldn't have any problem marrying someone w/kid(s), all things being equal. I'd be more concerned about the ex, if there is one. If he's a crazed killer just on on parole from San Quentin, I'm prolly gonna keep on fishin', if you know what I mean. Lots of variables in a deal like this.

Question is, would she want to take on raising my three kids?

Where's the blender? I feel a smoothie comin' on!

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

It's reality... seen enough...

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

As someone who has children who's father wants nothing to do with them, they have the right to be told who their father is, regardless.

Writing the father out of the picture is a bad move. The mother will deal with the consequences of that action. Many times, it results in the child eventually finding the father and going to live with him, having nothing further to do with the mother.

Nothing good comes out of cutting the father out of the picture, regardless of his involvement in the child's life.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I see no problems with it.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Berk, as a man, I can't believe you would condone the cutting off of a father from his child's life.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I think if she doesn't want him to be bothered by her kids, she should accept his

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

No, not exactly.. blah.. pm incoming

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I don't think the thought of cutting the father out excites us. We are just saying if you know the type of man he is, why hurt your child more. When they are older and ask then tell them and let them decide if they want him in their life.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I'm a single divorced Apostolic male who is predominantly raising 2 children ...

I think the societal reality of blended families in the Apostolic church is becoming more prevalent.

It's difficult to find someone who is single w/ no kids to be interested in taking on more than their spouse ... but this scenario is possible also ... takes a special man or woman to commit to this, however.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I could not have put it better myself!!!!!! I'd be happy to take on kids. However, I love them, and I think you have to have a special kind of heart to do so.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Don't tell the guy? Surely you aren't advocating telling lies on a Christian forum, are you?

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

I wasn't payin much attention to what was written, and to my own answer. I clarified it via pm. They are free to post what I wrote privately. If they don't, well....

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Like others have already posted, it would have to depend on the situation and circumstances with the other parent. I think the age of the child/children would factor in as well. It is definitely something that would have to be extensively talked out before a marriage takes place.

Re: Single Apostolic Men -VS-Single Apostolic Moth
 

Dan, will you marry me? Uh..wait a minute. Never mind, scratch that. :gaga