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-   -   You might be Apostolic if... (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=22032)

soldoutochrist 01-22-2009 02:12 PM
You might be Apostolic if...
 
You might be Apostolic if . . .

You and all the girls you know own thirteen pairs of black shoes, eight black skirts, and five denim skirts.
Everything in your bathroom is coated in hair and hairspray.
You can quote your pastor better than you can quote scripture.
You suspect that Sis. Bessie who sits on the pew in front of you dyes her hair.
You’ve ever told a non-Apostolic Christian that you were praying for God to lead him/her into all truth.
It’s just not a good service if you didn’t run the aisles at least once or twice.
You’ve been told that your sideburns are too long.
Someone's testimony made you blush.
You can remember a time when poofs and bows were in style -- and the bigger the better!
The Apostolic church across town is either “too strict” or “too liberal,” but yours is just right.
You're a Democrat and most of your church people think you need to pray through over that.
The service lasts shorter than the time you took to fix your hair for it.
You speak in tongues on a roller coaster.
Your pastor wears a shirt and tie to the church picnic.
Your skirt length and hair length are the same.


http://www.ninetyandnine.com/fblog/2...apostolic.html

Aquila 01-22-2009 03:42 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
You're a Democrat and most of your church people think you need to pray through over that.
I love it! LOL

pelathais 01-22-2009 05:56 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquila (Post 688989)
I love it! LOL
... aqnd you are praying aren't you Aquila? http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...ons/icon12.gif

Cindy 01-22-2009 05:59 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Wow, I am not apostolic according to this criteria.

jdm05 01-22-2009 06:03 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by soldoutochrist (Post 688889)
You might be Apostolic if . . .

You and all the girls you know own thirteen pairs of black shoes, eight black skirts, and five denim skirts.
Everything in your bathroom is coated in hair and hairspray.
You can quote your pastor better than you can quote scripture.
You suspect that Sis. Bessie who sits on the pew in front of you dyes her hair.
You’ve ever told a non-Apostolic Christian that you were praying for God to lead him/her into all truth.
It’s just not a good service if you didn’t run the aisles at least once or twice.
You’ve been told that your sideburns are too long.
Someone's testimony made you blush.
You can remember a time when poofs and bows were in style -- and the bigger the better!
The Apostolic church across town is either “too strict” or “too liberal,” but yours is just right.
You're a Democrat and most of your church people think you need to pray through over that.
The service lasts shorter than the time you took to fix your hair for it.
You speak in tongues on a roller coaster.
Your pastor wears a shirt and tie to the church picnic.
Your skirt length and hair length are the same.


http://www.ninetyandnine.com/fblog/2...apostolic.html
LOL!!! I was born and raised in AA. When I was in school there were two UPC girls. When I found out they did not wear veils to a service, I thought they were committing the greatest sin. LOL!!! My, my, how times have changed. No longer in the AA.

Margies3 01-22-2009 06:36 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdm05 (Post 689113)
LOL!!! I was born and raised in AA. When I was in school there were two UPC girls. When I found out they did not wear veils to a service, I thought they were committing the greatest sin. LOL!!! My, my, how times have changed. No longer in the AA.
AA = Alcolholics Anonymous???

nahkoe 01-22-2009 06:50 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 689140)
AA = Alcolholics Anonymous???
Apostolic Assemblies I think?

Aquila 01-22-2009 07:39 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pelathais (Post 689108)
... aqnd you are praying aren't you Aquila? http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...ons/icon12.gif
Yeah, my Republican brothers and sisters need lots and lots of prayer. ;)

RandyWayne 01-22-2009 07:53 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by soldoutochrist (Post 688889)
You might be Apostolic if . . .

You and all the girls you know own thirteen pairs of black shoes, eight black skirts, and five denim skirts.
Everything in your bathroom is coated in hair and hairspray.
You can quote your pastor better than you can quote scripture.
You suspect that Sis. Bessie who sits on the pew in front of you dyes her hair.
You’ve ever told a non-Apostolic Christian that you were praying for God to lead him/her into all truth.
It’s just not a good service if you didn’t run the aisles at least once or twice.
You’ve been told that your sideburns are too long.
Someone's testimony made you blush.
You can remember a time when poofs and bows were in style -- and the bigger the better!
The Apostolic church across town is either “too strict” or “too liberal,” but yours is just right.
You're a Democrat and most of your church people think you need to pray through over that.
The service lasts shorter than the time you took to fix your hair for it.
You speak in tongues on a roller coaster.
Your pastor wears a shirt and tie to the church picnic.
Your skirt length and hair length are the same.

http://www.ninetyandnine.com/fblog/2...apostolic.html
All vacation plans are subject to the pastors approval.

The first time you are OFFICIALLY allowed to be ALONE with your wife in any way is on your wedding night.

And speaking of wedding nights, your married on a Saturday night and seen in church the next morning just to show the rest of the congregation that your now allowed to sit next to each other.

Continuing on the marriage theme, you posted an open wedding invitation for the wedding AND reception for all church members and their families on the bulletin board.....

.....which doesn't matter much because the reception will be in the church basement....

.....potluck style.

You will have your first baby 9-10 months after said wedding night.

You won't own a TV but will spend an hour watching it at Sears.....

....unless your really holy, then you'll avert your eyes (in grand fashion for all to see) as you walk by the electronics section.

If you come across a "non-traditional" person or couple, such as gay couple, goth, punk, etc, in the mall, you'll take great pains to walk on the other side so as to not have to come too close -unlike some who call themselves "Christian" would actually smile at them as they passed.

As you stop at a diner for your after-Wed service dinner, you'll either leave no tip or a couple of bucks despite the group bill being 60-80.

jaxfam6 01-22-2009 08:11 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdm05 (Post 689113)
LOL!!! I was born and raised in AA. When I was in school there were two UPC girls. When I found out they did not wear veils to a service, I thought they were committing the greatest sin. LOL!!! My, my, how times have changed. No longer in the AA.
that is funny. I was raised much more strict than the UPC and now I attend an AA church. =) my wife does not wear a veil though. No one seems to have a problem with that.

jaxfam6 01-22-2009 08:14 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nahkoe (Post 689151)
Apostolic Assemblies I think?
correct

jdm05 01-22-2009 11:49 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyWayne (Post 689204)
All vacation plans are subject to the pastors approval.

The first time you are OFFICIALLY allowed to be ALONE with your wife in any way is on your wedding night.

And speaking of wedding nights, your married on a Saturday night and seen in church the next morning just to show the rest of the congregation that your now allowed to sit next to each other.

Continuing on the marriage theme, you posted an open wedding invitation for the wedding AND reception for all church members and their families on the bulletin board.....

.....which doesn't matter much because the reception will be in the church basement....

.....potluck style.

You will have your first baby 9-10 months after said wedding night.

You won't own a TV but will spend an hour watching it at Sears.....

....unless your really holy, then you'll avert your eyes (in grand fashion for all to see) as you walk by the electronics section.

If you come across a "non-traditional" person or couple, such as gay couple, goth, punk, etc, in the mall, you'll take great pains to walk on the other side so as to not have to come too close -unlike some who call themselves "Christian" would actually smile at them as they passed.

As you stop at a diner for your after-Wed service dinner, you'll either leave no tip or a couple of bucks despite the group bill being 60-80.
LOL!!! Now that is the truth!!!

Bella1 01-23-2009 09:07 AM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyWayne (Post 689204)
All vacation plans are subject to the pastors approval.

The first time you are OFFICIALLY allowed to be ALONE with your wife in any way is on your wedding night.

And speaking of wedding nights, your married on a Saturday night and seen in church the next morning just to show the rest of the congregation that your now allowed to sit next to each other.

Continuing on the marriage theme, you posted an open wedding invitation for the wedding AND reception for all church members and their families on the bulletin board.....

.....which doesn't matter much because the reception will be in the church basement....

.....potluck style.

You will have your first baby 9-10 months after said wedding night.

You won't own a TV but will spend an hour watching it at Sears.....

....unless your really holy, then you'll avert your eyes (in grand fashion for all to see) as you walk by the electronics section.

If you come across a "non-traditional" person or couple, such as gay couple, goth, punk, etc, in the mall, you'll take great pains to walk on the other side so as to not have to come too close -unlike some who call themselves "Christian" would actually smile at them as they passed.

As you stop at a diner for your after-Wed service dinner, you'll either leave no tip or a couple of bucks despite the group bill being 60-80.
:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny

RandyWayne 01-23-2009 07:23 PM
Re: You might be Apostolic if...
 
You might be Apostolic if:

The parking lot consists of 75% minivans surrounding by a big old boat of a Lincoln -which belongs to the pastor.

You wonder why bible quizzing is not an Olympic sport.....

....although you don't officially follow the Olympics because 1) The athletes immodest apparel, 2) It is "worldly" and 3) It is on television -which means you have to follow it online.

If you are cursed with being born a mere "woman" you know you can at least take solice in the fact that you have a head full of pure POWER and GLORY which can be used to heal your family, protect them, and melt the faces of any NAZI's that may capture you! (Just make sure the Gov doesn't get a hold of it and store it in some huge warehouse.....)


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