Death in the church
 

For those of you with experience in this area, how is it that you handle the 'food' situation when someone passes away from your church? Do you have an organized group that makes menus and different ones then take on making and delivering?
I am very curious how different groups handle this. Do you feel it is an obligation of the church to supply the family with food at this time?

Re: Death in the church
 

In our church, we have two different things that happens:

First, if we have a death in the church, we usually know if this is a family that will have alot of friends and family coming in and out. If it is, then anyone who stops in will take along a covered dish and leave it for the family to have whenever they have need of it. Occasionally there will be someone who doesn't have much family or many friends. In that case, we have a lady in the church who organizes taking in dishes when people are in the hospital and other needs. She will also handle organizing something like this.

As far as a funeral dinner goes, we have one lady who organizes all the funeral dinners. She has 3 or 4 ladies who work directly with/under her to make the main dish and set up and clean up afterwards. That doesn't mean that these same ladies have to do it all! When she calls for food, she will also ask if you might be available to set up or clean up.

This group of women put together the main dish for the funeral dinner. Sometimes the family just wants cold cuts and breads and cheeses. Sometimes they want fried chicken. Other times we've had them ask for things like sloppy joe or even beef and noodles. Whatever it is, this group takes care of that.
Then she (Pat) calls and asks people to bring either a salad, a vegetable or a dessert, enough to feed 12-15 people.

The family reimburses the church for the cost of the main dish and the paper products. The rest is all donated by us who bring our dishes. Often the family will give a sizable donation over and above the actual cost of their dish. When that happens, that money goes into the Ladies' Aux. fund for missions.

Re: Death in the church
 

We have one lady who organizes food for the family. She works it a couple of ways- Sometimes she will fix a large pot of Gumbo, Jambalaya, or basket of fried chicken and bring it over to the family. The church will reimburse her for her time and food. If the family is large, they will have it at the church after the funeral and follow the pattern that Margie laid out.

Re: Death in the church
 

Here in the south,the church folks fix food and take it to a house where the family and friends will be staying,someone will call the church women and they will cook and some folks will buy chicken and some will buy drinks,and such usually they take it to the church fellowship hall,and then someone like the men-folks will help take it to the house.
Several times transporting the food has been my job.

Re: Death in the church
 

So do you feel this is an obligation of the church to set up and supply this stuff? Would you as a family on the receiving end of such kindness have the nerve to complain that someone didn't bring enough food to your house?
Would you expect the church to do this for you if you lost a loved one?

Re: Death in the church
 

If I was a member of that church and was there regularly, yes, I probably would "expect" the church to do that. Now if it was a distant relative, probably not as much, but if it was immediate, yes, I would.

I would probably not complain if they didn't bring enough food, but that's just me. (I wear a belt and suspenders too, I'd probably fix food to "go along with" whatever they brought, but that's just me)

Re: Death in the church
 

I don't consider it an obligation at all. I just think it is what the church for a church member.
No I would not complain. When my daughter & son died, people from a lot of the churches here came and not only brought food, but helped clean up after we ate. So much kindness was shown.
I didn't or wouldn't expect it, but in a small town and as Christian's that is the way we do things here.

Re: Death in the church
 

That is how I experienced it as a kid growing up. If someone in the church passed away the people made sure food was taken and helped in anyway possible. Also if you knew someone who passed away that was not in church you still did this type of thing so that you could be an example to them and maybe win them to God.

I have heard more recently about church groups where they seem to feel the church and the people are responsible for feeding them and their extended family for a week and then prepare luncheon for them after the funeral too. When they have not had 'enough' food they have complained. I find that rude and rather assuming of people. My father died, no one prepared me food and brought to me. Of course he and I were not close and I did not go back to MI for his funeral but he was still my dad. I needed to go to one of these churches so I could have told them how many days and how many I wanted to feed. =)

Re: Death in the church
 

It sounds rude to me too. I wouldn't expect it nor would I complain if someone was helping feed my family at all.

Re: Death in the church
 

When growing up (many many years ago) :sad my mother always took food to the home of anyone we knew who had a death in the family - not just church members. Usually people would take food from the time they heard of the death until the day of or day after the funeral...

Times have changed. I think the biggest change has come from so many working wives/mothers. We barely have time to prepare food and feed our families a decent meal - and we just get busy and forget about the needs of others.

In these days, I think most churches prepare food for the day of the funeral. Our church used to have what we called "care circles". Each "circle" consisted of 5 - 6 ladies. and there was a leader over all the "care circles". She would co-ordinate with the family approximately how many would be there and then she would contact the appropriate number of circles to be responsible for food for the family after the service. The problem was that there might be a lot of people hanging around for a meal.... :foottap

Now - we have a lady who has several working under her. The church will provide food for 25 to 50 people - depending upon the size of the family and the relationship of the family to the church. Usually it is KFC, chinese food, etc etc. They will pick up desserts at Costco.

I still like to take food to the family's home when I can... seems more personal - more like a ministry - but alas... sometimes my good intentions fall by the wayside

And no......... I would NEVER expect it - or complain if it wasn't to my liking. I'm kind of like LCS - I would probably be fixing it myself....

Re: Death in the church
 

The ladies in our church provide a complete dinner (meat, salad, pasta/rice, rolls, drinks, desserts up to 120 people) for the family following the funeral. This is for members of our congregation that have an immediate family member pass. We do not expect any remuneration. There are always some people who will take dishes to the home on the days preceding the funeral.

People who complain about what they get or don't get are just stupid, ignorant jerks.

Re: Death in the church
 

Re: Death in the church
 

My grandfather was an active, faithful member of a church for 50+ years and when he died, no one from the church brought food for the family. We didn't complain, but we were certainly hurt and disappointed that no one seemed to care.

Re: Death in the church
 

I can understand that. It would feel like no one cared.

Re: Death in the church
 

It all depends upon the bereaved family. Usually there's a Ladies Ministry coordinator who handles this or has delegated it to someone. If there was a period of illness then perhaps to assistance was already begun to some degree.

I definately feel that it is NOT an obligation of the church - but I do feel that it is a responsibilty. "Obligation" makes it sound like "you have to..." If (when) a brother or sister has passed away I want to help out in whatever way I can (which usually means keeping me out of the kitchen).

Re: Death in the church
 

It's funny now - but at the time... :sad

We had a fellowship dinner after the morning service and there was a lot of food left over. At the evening service a family of travelers came by asking for "help." After church I loaded them up with what we had - but all they really wanted was cash.

The woman looked at the salad and angrily declared, "This doesn't even have dressing on it!!" and then threw the salad at me.

Nice folks.

Re: Death in the church
 

Our ladies group leader handles this, under pastoral direction. I first find out if the family would prefer a "meal" or rather have people just bring in food.

In my experience, most families prefer food being brought in instead of providing a meal for the family. In a time of increased grief and obligations, we do not add an obligation to attend a meal unles it is the family's desire.

Re: Death in the church
 

It also depends on the church itself. In our case, we have a congregation of younger people. So it's not a hardship for us to make a dish for a funeral dinner or to help serve and clean up for one. But my friend attends the Methodist church that we used to be a part of. That congregation has dwindled down to only a small handful of people. And 99% of them are over 70! So it's much harder for them to do a funeral dinner.

In their case, they offer salad and desserts. That's it. If the family wants something more they have to bring it in themselves.

And in our case, we don't actually "charge" for the dinner. Like I said, we will tell the family what our costs were and they usually want to reimburse that. But it is not required. In the case of the Methodist Church, they charge a specific amount, even tho all of the food is donated. To each their own I guess!

Re: Death in the church
 

To me that is so sad - and there is absolutely no excuse for that happening. I can certainly understand your hurt and disappointment. Maybe there is a lesson here we could all learn.....

Re: Death in the church
 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around "charging" a grieving family in my church for food donated to be used as a meal for them..... ???? I agree with a previous poster - I don't think we should feel obligated - but it is our responsibility to minister to those in grief - and feeding them is a way of ministering... JMHO

BTW Margie........ how is Justin doing? He has been so much on my mind. (Don't mean to hijack the thread - I just thought of it.)

Re: Death in the church
 

I guess it depends on how hard the arm twisting is.

I agree though with the thought that why there should be ANY hint at even remotely having to pay for food brought by other church members to the funeral of a family member at your own church?